HUMOR: Phoenix helps an old woman.

[K. Ulstein]

In our last Adventure Team Zed Painted "Team Zed" on the side of their
bran-new Semi-Truck and gave the Phoenix a lift.

The Phoenix strode up to the Semi-Cab passenger door. "Scoot over.
I'll drive."

Leia locked the door. "No _I'm_ driving. You'll crash into something."

The Phoenix made a grab at the door latch. I calculated the contested
dex roll. "She beat you by 12. The door is locked before you can open
it."

The Phoenix put his hands in his pockets "I don't try to open it
then." The Phoenix squints in the noon-day sun. "You've been driving
all day. Don't worry, I'll cover for you."

The Mummy peers through the driver's side window. Cupping his hands
he shouts through the glass "NOT TIRED! YOU ONLY FLY 20 MILES! WE
ONLY DRIVE -- 20 MINIUTES!"

The wraith floats through the cab. "Perhaps you should ride in the
Trailor since you are too big to fit in the cab with us."

"Who said that?" asks the Phoenix.
"Where are you?" asks the mummy.
"Use your finger." mandates Leia.
"Who said that?" repeats the Phoenix.

Violently shaking his finger the wraith speaks. "I'm right here!" His
voice trembles as his finger and body shake with effort. "I blind them
with my finger."

"It's not that bright." I corrected. "It's a very dim light, like a
night light. Rembember you bought it using character points from
quirks."

The wraith looked around suspiciously. "Is anyone wearing silver? I
hate silver!"

Peter rolled his dice "Ok I made my perception roll. What does the
Phoenix see?"

I glanced at the dice. "You failed your perception roll, you need to
roll LESS than five." I then watched as everyone else made perception
rolls. "Leia you can see the finger faintly glimmering. Tut, you
don't see anything, too much glare from the sun. But lets just
pretend that everyone sees the Wraith."

Peter rolled the dice again "No I want to do this right."

I calculated the results again, and the prospects were hopeful. Then
the Wraith totaled up the stealth score. "No one can see you or your
finger."

The wraith cupped his hands to his mouth. "Everyone see the the
driver's side reflector?" he asked in mock anger. The Phoenix stooped
down to look at the bumper of the truck. "No!" shouted the wraith. the
mirror!" The other players nodded their heads yes. "Thats where I am."

The Phoenix squinted at the mirror. "Great. Get in the truck and lets
go." Then the Phoenix strolled around the truck and hopped in.

After a few hours of driving Team Zed decided that they needed to hide
their Semi-Truck. "If we put it in a barn" the wraith conjectured
"Then no one will be able to see our hidious Zorro Truck and they
can't come after us."

Team Zed found a suitable farm and the Mummy directed the Truck into
the Barn. "Bring it back, lots of room on this side. Stop. Now we can
steal their car."

Leia jumped out of the cab and slammed the door. "What do you mean
'steal their car?' We're super HEROS remember?"

"But we can leave them the truck. It's a great deal. We get a getaway
car, and they get a big rig." The Mummy bent down to take off the
liscense plates.

The wraith got borred and wandered off. "I'm going to look around."

"Hey!" The Phoenix pointed at the Wraith. "Where do you think you're
going?"

"You can't see me. I'm invisible! Stop talking out of character!"

"I'm not talking out of character!" The phoenix said indignantly.
"Perception roll!"

"Whirlwind!" shouted the distruntled spirit.

"Don't use your whirlwind!" Leia commanded. "And Peter Stop Acting Out
of Character!"

"I don't talk out of character!" Peter said indignently.

"You always talk out of character. You're doing it right now!"

Peter begain to pantimime how his out of character speaking was
essential to making the game roll smoothly. I ignored him and
returned to the wraith. "So you float through the barn and are
surrounded in a field of grain. There's a small farmhouse with a rusty
truck on blocks." The wraith floated through the field enjoying the
twilight that played on the waves of grain. He then floated into the
house.

"Do I see this?" Asked Peter.

"Stop talking out of character!" The mummy said. "Please! Let the dead
rest in peace." With that the mummy crossed his arms across his chest,
closed his eyes and and lay down as if dead.

Leia looked around the barn. "Well I'm trying to find some paint so we
can fix up the truck. Let me know if I find anything."

"What's inside the house?" The wraith asked.

"Not much" I shrugged. "Some old furnature, pictures, quilts. No one
is home downstairs. Upstairs?" He nodds affermatively "Upstairs you
find a small bedroom. It's covered with old photos pinned to the
walls. There's a bed with an old woman tucked away beneth piles of
quilts -- sleeping soundly."

"Aw" The Wraith crooned. "How nice. I check to make sure she's ok. Is
she comfortable? Cold?"

"Hey!" said the Phoenix "Don't disturb the old woman she needs her
sleep."

"Out of character!" the mummy points his finger like a grand
inquisitioner. "Out of Character. O.O.C!"

The Phoenix points back. "You're sleeping! Go back to being dead."
With that the Mummy slumps back into his supernatural rest.

"Hey Kenji" The wraith asks "Can I, you know use my whirlwind? I'm
just getting used to the system and I want to see what I can do."

"Er, yeah, but you might wake the old woman." I show him his whirlwind
power on the character sheet.

"I know this will make me seem like a real bastard but I want to see
If I can try to frighten her and think that there is a ghost." He
rolls the dice. "Ok I rolled three dice and I got it so I make the
whirlwind right?"

The papers and bits of thread begin to spin around. Suddenly the
Phoenix bursts through the door and tries to kill the wraith with a
fireball. As the fireball shoots wildly through the storm the
Phoenix shouts "Don't harm the old woman! Dang! I hate GURPS! I only
roll high when I need to roll low! See watch!" Peter rolls the dice.

"Pete!" the mummy shouts "You are out of character! O.O.C."
"You arn't there!" cries leia.
"You can't see me!" shouts the wraith.

"Goodness gracious!" Squeels the old woman. "a whirlwind and that
dasterdly phoenix! He's acting OUT OF CHARACTER! At this very moment!
Right now!"

"See!?" Peter asks pointing accusingly at the three dice he rolled.
Then he looks at the dice. "Oh, sure! NOW I roll low."

I stand up and point at the characters who are in the barn looking for
paint. "You are in the barn looking for paint!"

"I go into the house and up the stairs" the phoenix says. "Do I see
it?"

"No!" The group replies.

"Am I blind!?" Peter says pointing at his drawing of the Phoenix. His
finger jabbs accusatorialy at the two dark eyes drawn on the Phoenix's
face.

"You arn't in the house! You are in the barn!" I say trying to think
of corrective mesures.

"A barn!? Why would I live in a barn!? I go outside and look at the
house."

"Pete! We came to the barn because we need to discuise our truck."
Leia says speaking out of character.

"I know that!" Peter responds.

"We need to discuise the truck because you identifyed us to the
police!" Leia begins to imitate the phoenix "Hi! I wave my hammer
around and kill police officers! Check out the tape! Oh and my friends
are Leia and a Mummy. We are called Team Z!"

"So I guess I'm trapped in the Barn then." Pete sulks.

Leia continues "Oh, and I'm going to blow up Chicago! ALL OF YOU WILL
DIE!"

Peter pays attention to me. "Oh so I'm not trapped in the barn. I sure
seems like it. I've been trying to get out of the barn forever! Do I
need to make a perception roll to get out or what?"

Me: Ok so you'r out side and you see a lot of wind coming from the
second story of the windows.

Phoenix: I run across the field and fly into the window. No wait. I
have to jump and run for a miniute. I'll run and jump on my way to the
farm house.

Me: Wraith, the old woman is realy frightened.

Wraith: Can I rip the roof off?

Me: Yeah, but it will take a while.

Phoenix: So I start flying and. . .

Me: No! It takes you 2 raised to the 7 seconds to fly. Thats 128
seconds. TWO Miniutes AND eight seconds.

Phoenix: So I run and jump into the front door. Is it open? .. Then I
break it open with my hammer, but I keep hopping and jumping so I can
fly real soon.

Mummy: (to Leia) I think that we should just leave the Phoenix behind.
Or run over him with our truck.

Phoenix: If you do that I'll explode and kill you all. Now I run up
the stairs and into the bedroom. Then I shoot the Wraith.

Me: You probibly won't be able to see him.

Wraith: Oh yeah? Take your best shot fire boy! I'm giveing him the
glowing finger.

Phoenix: I shoot it! Take that! Argh! I hate GURPS! I always roll high
when I want to roll low! (then he rolls for damage) See!? Oh sure! Now
I roll low, but only because I'm rolling for damage!

Me: The tiny fireball strikes the lace curtains. The huge whirlwind
fans the fire and the fire spreads to the papers.

Phoenix: I grab the curtain and stomp it out!

Me: It's out but the fire is spreading to the papers because of the
whirld wind.

Phoenix: I grab the old woman and fly her to safety.

Wraith: You can't fly! You stomped out the drapery!

Me: The old woman struggles to get out of bed. She grabs an old bible
and her walker.

Wraith: EEK! I'm out of there! (swish!) I leave! (zoom!) I'm gone! I'm
not staying for another moment! The wraith doesn't like holy items.

Phoenix: I jump and run! How long untill I can fly?

Eveyone: Two miniutes and eight seconds!

Phoenix: ARgh! I run down stairs, outside and around the house.

Me: Leaving her to die?
Wraith: You're going to abandon the poor old woman?
Mummy: Save yourself! Women, children and the Phoenix first!

Phoenix: I'm not leaving her to die! I'm resueing her. Don't make me
shoot you!

Mummy: Hey how do you know what I'm saying? Perhaps you are speaking
out of character again? Hmm?

Phoenix: You were shouting "Women and Phoenix first" you think I can't
hear that?

The mummy pretends to be dead.

Phoenix: Now I'm underneeth her window. I grow to be two stories high.
I reach inside the window and save the old woman.

And so as her few earthly comforts burn away, the twenty foot tall
Phoenix pulls her treasures out of the burning biulding and stomps on
them to keep them from burning away.

The burning farm house and the 20 foot tall orange spandex clad man
attracts the attention of Government Forces.

Will grandma be safe in the upcoming attack? Will Team Zed be able to
withstand an intelegent attack from a single well designed PC? Will a
transport heilocopter be able to lift the twenty foot tall Phoenix?

Find out next time, when you'll hear the government asassin say:
"Pete! You're talking out of character!"

____----------____
Kenji Ulstein http://weber.u.washington.edu/~kenhar

A knot is never "nearly right"; it is either exactly right
or it is hopelessly wrong...
-Clifford W. Ashley

[Xiphias Gladius]

Ouch ...

- Ian

[jjs]

K. Ulstein <ken...@u.washington.edu> wrote:

: In our last Adventure Team Zed Painted "Team Zed" on the side of their

: bran-new Semi-Truck and gave the Phoenix a lift.

<snip>
: Find out next time, when you'll hear the government asassin say:

: "Pete! You're talking out of character!"

LOL! It's a good thing I wasn't eating. :-)

Videotape this and you're fortune is assured!

John