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Meteorological Terrorism?

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Werebat

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Sep 3, 2005, 12:48:25 AM9/3/05
to
President Bush: Military Response to “Meteorological Terrorism”; US
Declares War on Venezuela

AP News – At a press conference early Saturday morning, President George
W. Bush announced a formal declaration of war on Venezuela for their
apparent role in the recent devastation wrought by Hurricane Katrina.
“As difficult as it may be for the American people to believe, this
storm was not a random meteorological phenomenon; it was a deliberate
terrorist attack on the United States.”

Bush’s stunning accusation has met with considerable resistance from
many circles, both scientific and political. Ken Weaver of the Penn
State Department of Meteorology insists, “This is ludicrous. There is
no way that Venezuela, or any other nation for that matter, could create
or control a hurricane and send it to any specific place. There’s… just
not the technology for that. I’m not alone in saying this; ask any
other meteorologist out there.”

Bush remains undaunted, however, claiming that top intelligence
officials have informed him of a previously unknown device that the
Venezuelan government has been experimenting with, and has apparently
perfected well enough to use. When pressed for proof of this device’s
existence, President Bush declined, insisting that while the documented
proof of the device and its use could not be revealed to the American
public at this time, “the people can rest assured, this is real. This
is a real threat. If you want proof today, you can see the trajectory
of the storm, it comes from the general direction of Venezuela. This
was not a coincidence; these people are terrorists.”

“We’re gunning for (Venezuelan President Hugo) Chavez,” announced Bush.
“This is an attack on the United States, an attack worse than, an
attack as bad as 9/11 because this was tampering with natural forces.
This was playing God. I turn on CNN just like every man, I see the
suffering, really see the heartache of these people in New Orleans. The
Convention Center, the Airport, my heart goes out to these people. And
I can say to them today, we know who is responsible. The Venezuelan
government, those responsible, are going to pay.”

Bush has responded to the intelligence information revealing the
Venezuelan government to be the culprits behind Hurricane Katrina by
pulling the National Guard out of New Orleans. “With our military
resources tied up with the continuing victory in Iraq, we are spread
thin. The American people know this. The people of New Orleans know
this, too. I realize that the loss of the National Guard, so soon after
they have arrived to distribute food and aid to the victims of the
attack, will be a hardship. But we must learn to deal with hardship, as
we always have, and pull ahead to show the world that we are victorious,
that we will not succumb to terrorism.”

New Orleans residents have been less than receptive to Bush’s
announcements about the declaration of war. “This is… I’m speechless.
I’m absolutely speechless,” stammered Kathy Bales, a New Orleans
resident who is currently staying at a shelter in Texas. “I have family
back there, I have a niece and nephew who are starving. What is this
doing for them? They need food and water and transport out of the city,
not some wild goose chase of a war in South America.”

Others have vocally wondered about the possible connection between the
declaration of war and Venezuela’s publicized oil resources. “This is
looking awfully familiar,” stated Ken Harrington of the Michigan State
Political Science Department. “I won’t risk claiming that this is a war
for oil, but I think the American people should take a good hard look at
Bush’s rationale for sending in troops when we haven’t even come close
to mopping up the mess in Iraq yet.”

Bush remains steadfast in his insistence that Hurricane Katrina was an
“act of terrorism” against the United States. “The punishment of the
Venezuelan government, and those others responsible for the attack on
New Orleans, will be swift and sure. Other nations are backing us here;
no sane nation wants a world where meteorological terrorism can cause
death and destruction on such a staggering scale as what we have
witnessed worked upon out own people. We will stand united, we will be
victorious, and Justice will prevail.”

Shawn Roske

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Sep 3, 2005, 7:35:58 AM9/3/05
to

This got me so good. I googled for the source.

Werebat

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Sep 3, 2005, 7:51:19 AM9/3/05
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It's frightening how believable it is, isn't it?

- Ron ^*^

Werebat

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Sep 18, 2005, 9:07:16 PM9/18/05
to

Breaking news below the Original Post!

If you thought this post was a joke, READ ON:

* * * * *

Chavez: U.S. Plans to Invade Venezuela Sat Sep 17, 3:02 PM ET


Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said Friday he has documentary evidence
that the United States plans to invade his country.


Chavez, interviewed on ABC's "Nightline," said the plan is called "Balboa"
and involves aircraft carriers and planes. A transcript of the interview was
made available by "Nightline."


He said U.S. soldiers recently went to Curacao, an island off Venezuela's
northwest coast. He described as a "lie" the official U.S. explanation that
they visited Curacao for rest and recreation.


"They were doing movements. They were doing maneuvers," Chavez said,
speaking through a translator.


He added: "We are coming up with the counter-Balboa plan. That is to say if
the government of the United States attempts to commit the foolhardy
enterprise of attacking us, it would be embarked on a 100-year war. We are
prepared."


Chavez has been attending the summit of world leaders at the United Nations
in New York this week. On Thursday, he denounced the U.S.-led war in Iraq
and told other leaders they should consider moving the U.N. headquarters out
of the United States.


To prove U.S. intentions to invade Venezuela, Chavez offered to send
"Nightline" host Ted Koppel maps and other documentation.


"What I can't tell you is how we got it, to protect the sources, how we got
it through military intelligence," he said.


In the event of a U.S. invasion, Chavez said the United States can "just
forget" about receiving any more oil from his country.

Copyright © 2005 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. The information
contained in the AP News report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten
or redistributed without the prior written authority of The Associated
Press.

David Alex Lamb

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Sep 18, 2005, 10:43:25 PM9/18/05
to
In article <mboXe.12389$nq.9249@lakeread05>,

Werebat <ranpo...@cox.net> wrote:
>Chavez: U.S. Plans to Invade Venezuela Sat Sep 17, 3:02 PM ET

IMHO the US Military had *better* have plans for invading Venezuela, Canada,
and any number of other unlikely targets. It's called "contingency planning".

The one for Canada probably isn't even all that complex. It's a straight
drive from Fort Drum to Ottawa.
--
"Yo' ideas need to be thinked befo' they are say'd" - Ian Lamb, age 3.5
http://www.cs.queensu.ca/~dalamb/ qucis->cs to reply (it's a long story...)

Some Guy

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Sep 19, 2005, 12:16:10 AM9/19/05
to
David Alex Lamb wrote:
> In article <mboXe.12389$nq.9249@lakeread05>,
> Werebat <ranpo...@cox.net> wrote:
>
>>Chavez: U.S. Plans to Invade Venezuela Sat Sep 17, 3:02 PM ET
>
>
> IMHO the US Military had *better* have plans for invading Venezuela, Canada,
> and any number of other unlikely targets. It's called "contingency planning".
>
> The one for Canada probably isn't even all that complex. It's a straight
> drive from Fort Drum to Ottawa.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050917/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/us_venezuela_5

Sea Wasp

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Sep 19, 2005, 3:19:42 AM9/19/05
to

You know, I can see it now: Chavez was forwarded translated versions
of Ron's original message. Without realizing it was a hoax. The phony
news story will lead to our having to ACTUALLY invade Venezuela!

Ron, you are truly the GOD of trolls!

--
Sea Wasp
/^\
;;;
Live Journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/seawasp/

Jerry Chesko

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Sep 19, 2005, 4:13:19 PM9/19/05
to

> Ron, you are truly the GOD of trolls!
>
Nu-uh. "If you read it in the news it has to be true." Yeesh, this is the
stuff I was warning fellow members of a MechCommander ladder site about,
postings every other day about how Bill Gates is the spawn of Satan and
Microsoft(c) is the Gateway to His controlling us all. Told them to knock
it off just in case some net-trawling lawyer employed by Microsoft(c)
happened to see it and didn't read the "Admin not responsible for what is
said here" legalese letter.

Congrats, Ron you might be the first person to have unintentionally started
a international war. Hope the fifteen minutes of fame with Dubya standing
behind you are worth it. *applause*

-==-
Jerry Chesko


No 33 Secretary

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Sep 19, 2005, 4:34:15 PM9/19/05
to
dal...@qucis.queensu.ca (David Alex Lamb) wrote in
news:dgl8kd$6et$1...@knot.queensu.ca:

> In article <mboXe.12389$nq.9249@lakeread05>,
> Werebat <ranpo...@cox.net> wrote:
>>Chavez: U.S. Plans to Invade Venezuela Sat Sep 17, 3:02 PM ET
>
> IMHO the US Military had *better* have plans for invading Venezuela,
> Canada, and any number of other unlikely targets. It's called
> "contingency planning".
>
> The one for Canada probably isn't even all that complex. It's a
> straight drive from Fort Drum to Ottawa.

The plan for the conquest of Canada most likely consists of a form letter,
ready to be faxed, to inform the Prime Minister he is now the Governor.

--
"So there is no third law of Terrydynamics."
-- William Hyde
Terry Austin
www.hyperbooks.com

David Alex Lamb

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Sep 19, 2005, 4:41:09 PM9/19/05
to
In article <Xns96D68A0C770E7ta...@216.168.3.50>,

No 33 Secretary <taustin...@hyperbooks.com> wrote:
>dal...@qucis.queensu.ca (David Alex Lamb) wrote in
>news:dgl8kd$6et$1...@knot.queensu.ca:
>
>> In article <mboXe.12389$nq.9249@lakeread05>,
>> Werebat <ranpo...@cox.net> wrote:
>>>Chavez: U.S. Plans to Invade Venezuela Sat Sep 17, 3:02 PM ET
>>
>> IMHO the US Military had *better* have plans for invading Venezuela,
>> Canada, and any number of other unlikely targets. It's called
>> "contingency planning".
>>
>> The one for Canada probably isn't even all that complex. It's a
>> straight drive from Fort Drum to Ottawa.
>
>The plan for the conquest of Canada most likely consists of a form letter,
>ready to be faxed, to inform the Prime Minister he is now the Governor.

It's not like the Canadian Forces could do much.

It might be a bit harder to conquer Alberta. That's where our gun fans hang
out.

No 33 Secretary

unread,
Sep 19, 2005, 4:56:14 PM9/19/05
to
dal...@qucis.queensu.ca (David Alex Lamb) wrote in
news:dgn7p5$7sn$1...@knot.queensu.ca:

> In article <Xns96D68A0C770E7ta...@216.168.3.50>,
> No 33 Secretary <taustin...@hyperbooks.com> wrote:
>>dal...@qucis.queensu.ca (David Alex Lamb) wrote in
>>news:dgl8kd$6et$1...@knot.queensu.ca:
>>
>>> In article <mboXe.12389$nq.9249@lakeread05>,
>>> Werebat <ranpo...@cox.net> wrote:
>>>>Chavez: U.S. Plans to Invade Venezuela Sat Sep 17, 3:02 PM ET
>>>
>>> IMHO the US Military had *better* have plans for invading Venezuela,
>>> Canada, and any number of other unlikely targets. It's called
>>> "contingency planning".
>>>
>>> The one for Canada probably isn't even all that complex. It's a
>>> straight drive from Fort Drum to Ottawa.
>>
>>The plan for the conquest of Canada most likely consists of a form
>>letter, ready to be faxed, to inform the Prime Minister he is now the
>>Governor.
>
> It's not like the Canadian Forces could do much.

All that would be required of them would be to change the flag patches on
their uniforms. They can handle it.


>
> It might be a bit harder to conquer Alberta. That's where our gun
> fans hang out.

And they wouldn't be leading the charge on the Parliment building?

Some Guy

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Sep 20, 2005, 9:28:37 PM9/20/05
to

And speaking of terrorism, I guess we won that war because they're
starting to divert FBI agents to stalk the adult industry now:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/19/AR2005091901570.html

Werebat

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Sep 20, 2005, 10:55:22 PM9/20/05
to

Sea Wasp wrote:

Yeh, my father sent me that article a couple days ago.

I checked and found out that the original phony news article actually
got crossposted to quite a few newsgroups and at least one website. So
it has made the rounds.

- Ron ^*^

Jerry Chesko

unread,
Sep 21, 2005, 2:45:26 PM9/21/05
to

"Some Guy" <som...@thedoor.gov> wrote in message
news:9H2Ye.15574$mH.11242@fed1read07...

>
> And speaking of terrorism, I guess we won that war because they're
> starting to divert FBI agents to stalk the adult industry now:
>
> http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/19/AR2005091901570.html

*clicks link and reads article*
I wonder if they'll have a yardstick for the interview process, y'know, for
the 'undercover' stuff. :p

Makes me want to enlist into the FBI, for sure, yeah.

-==-
Jerry Chesko


Kaos

unread,
Sep 22, 2005, 1:49:56 AM9/22/05
to
On 19 Sep 2005 20:41:09 GMT, dal...@qucis.queensu.ca (David Alex Lamb)
dared speak in front of ME:

>In article <Xns96D68A0C770E7ta...@216.168.3.50>,
>No 33 Secretary <taustin...@hyperbooks.com> wrote:
>>dal...@qucis.queensu.ca (David Alex Lamb) wrote in
>>news:dgl8kd$6et$1...@knot.queensu.ca:
>>
>>> In article <mboXe.12389$nq.9249@lakeread05>,
>>> Werebat <ranpo...@cox.net> wrote:
>>>>Chavez: U.S. Plans to Invade Venezuela Sat Sep 17, 3:02 PM ET
>>>
>>> IMHO the US Military had *better* have plans for invading Venezuela,
>>> Canada, and any number of other unlikely targets. It's called
>>> "contingency planning".
>>>
>>> The one for Canada probably isn't even all that complex. It's a
>>> straight drive from Fort Drum to Ottawa.
>>
>>The plan for the conquest of Canada most likely consists of a form letter,
>>ready to be faxed, to inform the Prime Minister he is now the Governor.
>
>It's not like the Canadian Forces could do much.
>
>It might be a bit harder to conquer Alberta. That's where our gun fans hang
>out.

They're the ones firing the 21-gun salute to honour our "liberators."
Hell, two years ago we had bloody billboards *begging* Bush to invade.

--
The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out
the conservative adopts them.
Samuel Clemens, "Notebook," 1935

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