Trip Report to the Asian Massage Parlor
Howard Beale
I find myself in a rare mood these last few days. I think that I may have
to adjust my medication. This post will be a radical departure from my
usual style. Back to "normal" tomorrow.
- - - - - - - -
Aside: It turns out that I am not reformed, after all. I am simply older
and more in control. Give me back 20 years and wild money and I am still
the libertine I was.
Preface:
I do not expect anything to beat the Asian Massage Parlor scene in New
York City, circa 1985-1995. By NYC I really am talking about Manhattan as
I rarely ventured into the other boroughs. I lived in Westchester County
but was regularly in Manhattan to play poker at the VFW club on Madison
Ave. and at the Mayfair.
In 1985 I was 3/4 divorced and extremely busy with little opportunity to
date. I don't say that as an excuse but it was the case. I probably
would have gone to the Asian Massage Parlors anyway but it was one reason
that I did.
In those days there were always 5 or 6 Asian Massage Parlors in Manhattan.
You could buy a copy of Screw Magazine and they advertised on the back
pages with their phone numbers. Call and they gave you the address. I
think the Village Voice ran the ads also and in the last issue I saw they
were still there. They kept getting shut down by the police and I got
caught up in a couple of the busts but nothing ever happened to me.
Whenever they got shut down I'd have to buy another Screw Magazine for the
new ads.
I'm putting all this here so that you will know what I was used to and how
it was different down the street from the Bike. When you walked into one
of the places in NY there would be a large room with all of the available
girls sitting in skimpy outfits and you could choose which one you wanted.
That was a great feature because if there weren't at least 10 girls it
was a bad night. They sometimes had 20 or so and I will tell you that it
can be pretty darn difficult to choose one so sometimes I chose two. The
going rate for everything was $150/hr but I usually paid $200. For that
you got a table shower, decent massage (most times) and a half & half.
Surprisingly, the girls were for the most part very friendly and open and
if they weren't really "into it" they were pretty good actresses and I
enjoyed myself immensely, to say the least. It was best if you could get
a regular girl or two so you didn't always have to tell them what you
liked but they would all be gone after a while so you would have to look
for a new one.
One time I ended up with a new one and just after the massage, when she
figured it was time to get down to it, we had this conversation, pretty
much:
"Do you want a dildo?"
"I'm surprised you would mention a dildo. After all, you do this all day
long and you must have sex at least 4 times a day."
"It's not for me."
"Well, if it's not for you what would I do with a dildo?"
"I stick it up your ass."
"JESUS H. FUCKING CHRIST! What do you mean you stick it up my ass?"
"Lots of men ask for it."
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I don't want a dildo up my ass and I sure don't want
a dildo up my ass that's been shoved up another guy's ass!"
"We clean them in between."
"Just forget the fucking dildo and suck my cock."
As I've said sometimes I'd get two and they would do it to each other
first. That's a lot of fun to watch, let me tell you. At any rate, I was
used to pretty good service so when I moved to Arizona around 1997 I
really missed what I had left behind. At that time Arizona didn't have
many Asian Massage Parlors that I could find and the few that I did
weren't any good compared to what I'd gotten used to in NY. That was one
of the reasons that I was so happy to see that there were Asian Massage
Parlors in LA. They weren't close to what they were in NY but they were a
lot better than they were in Arizona. It's sort of like pizza. You young
guys will probably never know what good pizza is. I grew up in a town
that was 1/2 Italian. In the 1960's they made good pizza but now it's
changed. No more home made ingredients. No more whole milk mozzarela or
olive oil. Now when I eat a pizza I bring up the old memories and add
them into what I'm tasting now. That's the only thing today's pizza is
good for to me now and the same applies to the Asian Massage Parlors.
- - - - - - - - -
The Asian Massage Parlor down the street from the Bike:
When I first went to LA to play poker I noticed a whole bunch of Asian
Massage Parlors and I started going to them. At first I'd been playing at
Hollywood Park and that street that runs past the Coloseum had a bunch of
them so I'd go there. They were ok. Then I started going to the Bike and
would drive down to HP to go to the massage parlors because those were the
ones that I knew where they were. One day one of the Bike players just
happened to ask why I was leaving and I admitted I was driving down to HP
to go to a massage parlor and he said "Why don't you just go to the one
down the street?" and he told me where it was. You turn right going out
of the Bike and a few blocks down on the same side in a little dingy
shopping center there it is. I don't know the name or if it's still
there. I've told you what I was used to but in LA it's different and more
difficult to get what you want. They try to assign a girl to you and that
sucks, plain and simple. I want to pick. So I'm in the place and I'm
having a hard time and finally get my way but it was aggravating. They
sent girls into the room I'd been assigned, one by one, and I'd reject
them and finally one asked me what I wanted and I said "One about 1/2 your
age, nothing personal" and they sent in a really hot young one, and I
mean hot, but she was no damn good.
On my next trip down I determined to do it right. I was going to tell the
lady in the front that I wanted to see all the girls at the same time and
that was that and that is what I did. She assured me that she would send
all of the available girls in to see me and that I should go into the room
and get ready which meant naked. I paid the lady the room fee, went into
the room and put the $100 tip that whoever took care of me was going to
get on the dresser and got undressed. A couple of minutes later the door
opened and Oh My Fucking God! the ugliest, fatest, most vile Asian "girl"
ever born walked into the room! She looked like 3 asian girls glued
together and not the best parts, either. I immediately demanded to see
the others. A farm animal would have been better. She then told me that
she was the only available girl. Oh, shit. What now? I've already paid
the room fee and I know damn well that I'm not getting that back. I'm
naked and the $100 tip is right there on the dresser and I hesitated. I
said to myself "Howard (not my real name) you've done worse things than
this. Just keep your eyes closed." And that is what I did. I laid down
on the massage table and she started rubbing away. With your eyes closed
it doesn't matter much who is rubbing you, it turns out, but in this case
the anticipation of what was to follow was not only not pleasurable, it
was downright frightening.
Time waits for no man and it didn't wait for Howard, either. After a
while she figured it was time to do her thing and she had me roll over
onto my back. I sneaked a peek and my opinion hadn't changed. She lifted
her top, leaned over, and started to rub her tits into my face. I said
"That won't be necessary, you can stop that now." "Well what do you want
me to do then?" she asked and I requested a service that she could perform
from just the chin up.
To my fabulous relief she was great at that!
Howard Beale
"I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"
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Shrax4
flamewar... Thanks HB.
CJ
-------
skins
W
O
W
NH
skins
---Gone Fishing---
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Necron99
"What do you want me to do then?"
" Just shove a dildo up............"
Please don't tap on the glass.....
Standing corrected on apostrophe abuse
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bcook823
the window, but thats some funny stuff.
1-800-GOUHAUL
www.uhaul.com
alan
a flame war myself. SO, how much did you have to drink before posting it?
Alan
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Sportyridr
-----
Jimbo
for it" back in the early 70's. That was back in the "free love" days
after a conversation with my Grandfather. I told him I would never
"pay for it" with all there was all that I wanted for free. He told me
"Boy, you're an idiot. You haven't been laid if you haven't had a
pro." He(as always)was right.
I personally don't get the whole "asian" thing. I have had a few over
the years and for the most part they are the most disinterested sex
partners I have ever had. They all seem very cold to me. I might
suggest that in the future you try a "Latina Massage Parlor". Not only
are they much better looking they are "muy caliente".
igotskillz com
Thank YOU
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Scott
>
> I find myself in a rare mood these last few days. I think that I may have
> to adjust my medication. This post will be a radical departure from my
> usual style. Back to "normal" tomorrow.
> - - - - - - - -
I hope you stay in this "rare" mood for several more days. Your posts have been
outstanding..
ChrisBrown
Best Original Saying: "In 1985 I was 3/4 divorced" - A
Dildo story - A
Nostalgic Pizza wine - D
Actual Bike Massage Parlor Tale - D+
Overall B-
Great beginning, bogged middle, disappointing and abrupt ending. You will
have to try better than this one Howard if you want FoHB membership to
grow.
igotskillz com
> Massage Parlor History Lesson/Tips - B+
> Best Original Saying: "In 1985 I was 3/4 divorced" - A
> Dildo story - A
> Nostalgic Pizza wine - D
u ah got no idea whatta good pizza is if i threw one at you
> Actual Bike Massage Parlor Tale - D+
>
> Overall B-
>
> Great beginning, bogged middle, disappointing and abrupt ending. You will
> have to try better than this one Howard if you want FoHB membership to
> grow.
Thank YOU
________________________________________________________________________
rzitup
> A couple of minutes later the door
> opened and Oh My Fucking God! the ugliest, fatest, most vile Asian "girl"
> ever born walked into the room! She looked like 3 asian girls glued
> together and not the best parts, either.
True story...Russ G had a wife that worked at this place. He had tried to
get her dealing poker, but she screwed the dealing school teacher and then
Russ tried to beat him up. Anyway, one day I missed the turn off the
freeway to the Bike (it's easy to miss coming South) and had to get off at
the next exit and circle back around coming North on the street that the
Bike is on. I'm driving by and I see Russ standing at the bus stop and
his wife walking into work. I stop and pick him up, take him to the Bike
and gave him $20 to play Mexican Poker with.
____________________________________________________________________
Joe Novicki
Picking good massage parlor = Proper table selection
Tipping the fat girl = calling a small bet when pot committed (and
"sucking" out)
Response to Dildo offer = Knowing when to turn down a bad deal and just
play your game.
It even came with a... Pizza Whine = Bad Beat Story
Funny how these concepts work outside the poker room.
--
-Joe
I know I'm going to lose
and gambling's for fools
but that's the way I like it baby, I don't want to LIVE FOREVER!
Motorhead, "Ace of Spades"
skins
On Sep 16 2005 10:30 AM, rzitup wrote:
> On Sep 15 2005 9:40 PM, Howard Beale wrote:
>
> > A couple of minutes later the door
> > opened and Oh My Fucking God! the ugliest, fatest, most vile Asian "girl"
> > ever born walked into the room! She looked like 3 asian girls glued
> > together and not the best parts, either.
>
> True story...Russ G had a wife that worked at this place. He had tried to
> get her dealing poker, but she screwed the dealing school teacher and then
> Russ tried to beat him up. Anyway, one day I missed the turn off the
> freeway to the Bike (it's easy to miss coming South) and had to get off at
> the next exit and circle back around coming North on the street that the
> Bike is on. I'm driving by and I see Russ standing at the bus stop and
> his wife walking into work. I stop and pick him up, take him to the Bike
> and gave him $20 to play Mexican Poker with.
Get the fuck outa here!??
skins
---Gone Fishing---
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Porsche_Dan
One reason is probably size. Tiny little Asian Women generally have smaller
equipment so *things* look larger than they appear. I always thought smaller
guys had the Asian fetish but a friend of mine could do porn yet he has the
Asian flu too. One time at the Mustang Ranch he picks this little Asian hotty
only to be rebuked due to his size. Forever more he was the guy that got
rejected by a hooker.
On Sep 16 2005 6:47 AM, Jimbo wrote:
> I personally don't get the whole "asian" thing. I have had a few over
> the years and for the most part they are the most disinterested sex
> partners I have ever had. They all seem very cold to me. I might
> suggest that in the future you try a "Latina Massage Parlor". Not only
> are they much better looking they are "muy caliente".
_______________________________________________________________
Your Online Poker Community - http://www.recpoker.com
Jimbo
Porsche_Dan wrote:
> One reason is probably size. Tiny little Asian Women generally have smaller
> equipment so *things* look larger than they appear. I always thought smaller
> guys had the Asian fetish but a friend of mine could do porn yet he has the
> Asian flu too. One time at the Mustang Ranch he picks this little Asian hotty
> only to be rebuked due to his size. Forever more he was the guy that got
> rejected by a hooker.
Funny you say that...I was in the Mustang Ranch one evening and a
couple of asian guys came in. A few of the girls ran around and hid
behind the bar. They told me they don't like asians because of their
size and the fact that they haggle too much over price.
TLira
TLira
Porsche_Dan
This is more of a trip club story but here it goes:
As a young business professional (70's) I was asked to entertain a contingent of
Japanese executives for an eveing in San Francisco. Wives were included so I
felt pretty safe as I had heard some sick stories about previous trips without
the wives. So after a nice Italian dinner, many bottles of wine and a concerto,
the head Jap says "Dan-san, we would like to see naked American Women now." So
I throw the limo driver a $20 and we head up to Mitchell brothers Theatre. After
a stage show and a few lap dances we end up in a room with a woman in a plexi
glass box. Slip money through the slot and she will do tricks for you. After the
woman did a little dildo teaser the head Jap says to me "Dan-san she use other
hole!" So I asked the friendly lady how much for the third recepticle to which
she replied "You can't afford it Buddy." So I pointed to the Japs and said they
could so how much. '$500" Which seemed like a fair price given that the dildo in
question was the size of my arm. Next thing I know the very exicted Japs handed
me close to $1,000 in $20 bills that I had to stuff through this little slot.
The kind lady then lubed up Mr Armstrong and tickled her colon until I fit the
last $20 through. All the time the Japs were yelling BONZI and their wives
looked on with absolutely no emotion whatsoever.
On Sep 15 2005 9:40 PM, Howard Beale wrote:
_______________________________________________________________
Howard Beale
> This is more of a trip club story but here it goes:
Slip money through the slot and she will do tricks for you. After the
> woman did a little dildo teaser the head Jap says to me "Dan-san she use
other
> hole!" So I asked the friendly lady how much for the third recepticle to
which
> she replied "You can't afford it Buddy." So I pointed to the Japs and said
they
> could so how much. '$500"
Any story that gets to this point is worth telling.
Which seemed like a fair price given that the dildo in
> question was the size of my arm.
Esp. when this is the next sentence.
Next thing I know the very exicted Japs handed
> me close to $1,000 in $20 bills that I had to stuff through this little slot.
> The kind lady then lubed up Mr Armstrong
lol.
and tickled her colon until I fit the
> last $20 through. All the time the Japs were yelling BONZI and their wives
> looked on with absolutely no emotion whatsoever.
I knew I liked Asian women for a reason.
HB
_____________________________________________________________________
rzitup
> On Sep 16 2005 8:30 AM, rzitup wrote:
>
> > On Sep 15 2005 9:40 PM, Howard Beale wrote:
> >
> > > A couple of minutes later the door
> > > opened and Oh My Fucking God! the ugliest, fatest, most vile Asian "girl"
> > > ever born walked into the room! She looked like 3 asian girls glued
> > > together and not the best parts, either.
> >
> > True story...Russ G had a wife that worked at this place. He had tried to
> > get her dealing poker, but she screwed the dealing school teacher and then
> > Russ tried to beat him up. Anyway, one day I missed the turn off the
> > freeway to the Bike (it's easy to miss coming South) and had to get off at
> > the next exit and circle back around coming North on the street that the
> > Bike is on. I'm driving by and I see Russ standing at the bus stop and
> > his wife walking into work. I stop and pick him up, take him to the Bike
> > and gave him $20 to play Mexican Poker with.
>
>
> Please don't tell me, lie to me if you have to, that that "girl" was
> Russ's ex-wife!
>
>
> HB
Well yea, that's where I was going with it. I mean really, is there a
worse thought that could cross your mind?
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Raider Fan
> down the street from the Bike. 2 years, or so, ago.
>
>
Excellent yarn Howard. I'm guessing there was some exageration involved
in the quality (or lack thereof) of your hostess.
_______________________________________________________________________
igotskillz com
Thank YOU
______________________________________________________________________
Howard Beale
Howard Beale
> On Sep 15 2005 11:40 PM, Howard Beale wrote:
>
> > down the street from the Bike. 2 years, or so, ago.
> >
> >
>
> Excellent yarn Howard. I'm guessing there was some exageration involved
> in the quality (or lack thereof) of your hostess.
The very slightest. In the ugly dog post of a couple weeks ago the Snopes
page said that when the ugly dog was placed on the reviewing table "even
the judges recoiled." They would have done the same for her.
HB
--------
Welshman
Porsche_Dan
Okay Howard since this thread is dead I will give you one more story:
I was in Japan on business (02) and my hosts took me out for drinks to prove our
manhood. We ended up walking around Tokyo drunk early in the morning and ran
into a guy with an illustrated sandwich sign that said ANAL FUCK. So we followed
the guy to a place called the OSI theater which is a strip club with theater
seating. At first it was pretty tame stuff but it did include audience
participation. All of the girls were European and quite attractive, through the
beer goggles anyway.
So first they danced, stripped, and started picking guys from the audience. So a
few guys (all Japanese, I was the only American) lined the stage and took turns
playing with the girls boobies. First she would sani-wipe their hands then the
guys would tune the radio a few times. It was all very ceremonial.
For the next act they grabbed some guys from the audience, myself included and
paired us up. I was shitting bricks here but didn't want to lose face so there I
was. We then played Ro Sham Bo with the winner getting the stage (not me
thankfully).
The winner then got naked and was equipped with a condom. Music from the Beauty
and the Beast played as the girl assumed the rear entrance position. The winner
then jackhammered for what seemed like hours (maybe 2 minutes) then the audience
cheered as the guy finished, I vomited in my mouth. ANAL SEX TO BEAUTY AND THE
BEAST FOR CHRISTS SAKE!!!!!
_______________________________________________________________
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Howard Beale
I gotta get me some of them Japanese friends.
HB
________________________________________________________________________
bcook823
often) i seen a woman shove a banana up herself. I thought that was a nasty
story, didnt know it could have been lots worse.
> > http://www.igotskillz.com/
>
>
1-800-GOUHAUL
www.uhaul.com
Howard Beale
> In my first trip to Japan, I had never left the states (not the south very
> often) i seen a woman shove a banana up herself. I thought that was a nasty
> story, didnt know it could have been lots worse.
Back East, in the next town over from where I lived a woman was found
murdered. Her corpse had a banana placed up her *private parts* and a
soup spoon was inserted into her rectum. The body had been placed in the
bathtub which was filled with milk.
The police attributed the killing to the Cereal Killer.
HB
igotskillz com
On Sep 20 2005 4:20 AM, Howard Beale wrote:
> On Sep 19 2005 10:19 PM, bcook823 wrote:
>
> > In my first trip to Japan, I had never left the states (not the south very
> > often) i seen a woman shove a banana up herself. I thought that was a nasty
> > story, didnt know it could have been lots worse.
>
>
> Back East, in the next town over from where I lived a woman was found
> murdered. Her corpse had a banana placed up her *private parts* and a
> soup spoon was inserted into her rectum. The body had been placed in the
> bathtub which was filled with milk.
>
> The police attributed the killing to the Cereal Killer.
>
>
> HB
Thank YOU
----