How to Get Picky Parents to Eat?
jmcquown
appreciated. I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place so I'm
ruminating.
We've had many threads about children who are picky eaters in the past. I'm
on the flip side now. I'm going back to SC tomorrow afternoon for an
indeterminate amount of time. My cat and my lovebird will be boarded.
Mom has always disliked cooking. The last time I was there she picked up
some Banquet frozen fried chicken in order to give me a break from doing all
the cooking. For years this type of thing has been her idea of cooking.
She simply doesn't like to cook. I ate it but honestly, it's not something
I'd have selected.
Health issues, food restrictions and the case where something simply doesn't
agree with you anymore aside, how do you do to get elderly parents to eat?
They aren't kids. You can't tell them they can't leave the dinner table if
they don't eat whatever! And you can't force them to take one bite before
they say they don't like something. But they have to eat and it's not a
matter of you don't get to go out and play if you don't eat your dinner.
In my case, I'm primarily talking about my father. There are things he
loved in the past but now says are "yukky" (actually, he's a lot more
graphic than that) as if he's a 5 year old. Mom isn't the issue. She ate
(or at least tasted, LOL) anything I put in front of her when I was there.
But Dad doesn't recognize a lot of foods anymore, even things he used to
love. In December he was on an "if it has tomato sauce in it it must be
good" kick. Sorry, but I can't cook everything with tomato sauce. He did
eat the (homemade) sloppy joe I made (when we ran out of hamburger buns we
put it on English muffins); the meatball subs I made; the hopped up frozen
"mini-pizzas) Mom had in the freezer. Pretty much anything else (other than
Cheerios, drinking Ensure and eating fruit pastries from the bakery) he'd
turn his nose up at.
He used to love creamed chipped beef on toast. All his adult life. When
Stouffer's came out with the frozen version years ago he was absolutely
thrilled. Yet, last month, when I offered him some he didn't say, "Oh good!
SOS!" It was more along the lines of, "Oh God, that looks like baby crap!"
(Well yeah, we tried to tell him that when we were kids, although I do love
SOS now)
Mom, OTOH, was thoroughly enjoying things like the Stouffer's spinach
souffles (I bought a bunch of them when I went shopping, knowing she used to
love it). And she ate half the spinach-cheese quiche from the "deli" area I
got in one of their grocery stores... not in one sitting, mind you, but
still, half a small quiche for her in two days was quite a feat! :)
She loved the au gratin potatoes I made (from scratch, a simple old Betty
Crocker recipe) but Dad wouldn't touch them even though he always loved au
gratin potatoes. He didn't eat any of the swiss steak (I posted Mom's
recipe a couple of days ago) even though he scarfed it down in the past. He
wouldn't eat the crab cakes. Mom wolfed down two of them at (insofar as a
77 lb. woman can "wolf"); yet Dad always loved crab cakes.
Mom doesn't buy things just for herself. If Dad says he doesn't like it,
she won't buy it, even though she's depriving herself. (She's always been
like that.) Me? When she sends me to the store and I'm picking up stuff
I'm saying to myself hey, they like (or at least used to like) this, I'll
get the ingredients to make it and see what happens.
It's not like he doesn't recognize all foods. I'm wondering if his his
taste buds are shot, given his sort of spiced tomato sauce fixation. I'll
find out for myself what kind of a food kick Dad is on when I get there
tomorrow evening. Might well still be tomato-sauced stuff, in which case
I'll go with the flow.
The morning I flew home (January 3) he kept talking about us having
pan-seared scallops when I get back. Given the fact that he didn't have a
clue who I was I don't expect him to remember talking about pan-seared
scallops. But you never know. If I go to the grocery store for them on
Tuesday maybe I'll pick some up, cook them and see if he'll eat them.
Jill
Wayne Boatwright
It's a delimma for sure. With any level of dimentia, the best you can
probably do is offer you dad anything he "thinks" he would like. Then,
again, he may or may not eat it. My grandmother went through this with my
grandfather. She wasted food, but there wasn't much alternative.
OTOH, as long as you cook and present it, your mother sounds accepting of
just about whatever you make.
There's no sure solution to this but trial and error.
Wish I could offer more...
--
Wayne Boatwright
*******************************************
Date: Sunday, 01(I)/27(XXVII)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
My strength is as the strength of ten
because my code is pure.
*******************************************
hahabogus
news:604il2F...@mid.individual.net:
Try oatmeal for breakfast, poached eggs on toast for lunch and say
chicken pot pie for supper. Keep seasoning to basic salt and pepper where
allowed and remember old folks like bland.
--
The house of the burning beet-Alan
It'll be a sunny day in August, when the Moon will shine that night-
Elbonian Folklore
jmcquown
That's the thing I was trying to explain to my mother. She'd offer him
something and if he said "no" she'd whisk it away again. Don't do that!
While he was picky about what he would eat, I found if I left whatever it
was there on the table next to him in the TV room for 10-15 minutes he'd
sometimes go ahead and eat it. I told her, don't just take it away because
he said "no".
He was eating some corn chowder I'd made (one day when he had forgot about
the tomato sauce kick). She got worried he'd spill some of it even though
he had a TV tray. So she grabbed the spoon and started trying to feed him
like he was a baby. Uh oh, bad idea. He's got dementia, absolutely. But
he still has his pride. So what if he spills some soup on his pants or on
the carpet?! He got mad and wouldn't eat anymore. You can't force him to
do anything.
> My grandmother went through
> this with my grandfather. She wasted food, but there wasn't much
> alternative.
>
No, there really isn't. I'm sorry she had to deal with it.
> OTOH, as long as you cook and present it, your mother sounds
> accepting of just about whatever you make.
>
Yeah, she's fine with pretty much anything. She really likes having someone
to cook for her :)
> There's no sure solution to this but trial and error.
>
> Wish I could offer more...
I appreciate it, Wayne.
Jill
rosie
I would cook what ever your mom will eat and make reasonably healthy
meals. Youd dad will eat or not eat, as he wishes. He is not himself
any more. That is the important thing to remember.
He will probably get to the point where he eats very little or, even
not at all. Eventually he will forget how to eat. You will have to
make the decision whether to have him fed through a tube or simply
with draw.
I know this is a problem for you and your mother as caregivers, it
really does not matter much.
He may eat or he may not. I have had personal experience with this and
believe me it is much harder on the caregivers than the patient.
Do not mean to sound heartless and cruel, but there is no cure for
this and he is not going to get better.
Rosie
Cryambers
>
> The morning I flew home (January 3) he kept talking about us having
> pan-seared scallops when I get back. Given the fact that he didn't have a
> clue who I was I don't expect him to remember talking about pan-seared
> scallops. But you never know. If I go to the grocery store for them on
> Tuesday maybe I'll pick some up, cook them and see if he'll eat them.
>
> Jill
This is a hard situation. I'm sorry.
It's going to mean extra cooking but make separate meals for your
parents. Make anything that fits your dad's food fixations, even if
it's tomato sauce on everything. He's probably forgotten about the
scallops by now. With dementia, his favorite foods may be ones he
liked many decades ago. Don't get too attached to what you make,
though, because he may reject it after he's requested it.
Any kind of special kind of Betty Crocker things you can make for your
mom sound like they will be appreciated. Just make them in small
quantities. My mom used to request things near the end of her life
that I didn't even know she liked. She spent so years making food my
dad liked (he was very picky), that I had no idea there were foods she
liked that she never made.
Can you get any kind of Ensure-type products into your mom? Even if
you make a milkshake and a pour supplement into it, it might be a way
to get her weight up some.
Good luck.
Debbie
Keep serving sizes small. Sometimes just having too much on a plate can
stop people from eating. I used to use a bread and butter plate for my
sister in law when caring with her when she had alzheimers. Many small
meals a day of easy to eat food on a small plate.
Debbie
--
Debbie
(Email account is valid but one I do not check. To email use above
name dot neill at sympatico dot ca)
Wayne Boatwright
That's a good point, not to simply whisk it away at the first sign of his
rejecting the food. It might take him longer to process that he really is
hungry and that the food in front of him looks like something he might
like.
> He was eating some corn chowder I'd made (one day when he had forgot
> about the tomato sauce kick). She got worried he'd spill some of it
> even though he had a TV tray. So she grabbed the spoon and started
> trying to feed him like he was a baby. Uh oh, bad idea. He's got
> dementia, absolutely. But he still has his pride. So what if he spills
> some soup on his pants or on the carpet?! He got mad and wouldn't eat
> anymore. You can't force him to do anything.
At this point, spills and a little mess are the last things one should
worry about. It's about getting some nutritioin into him, and making him
feel comfortable and happy.
>> My grandmother went through
>> this with my grandfather. She wasted food, but there wasn't much
>> alternative.
>>
> No, there really isn't. I'm sorry she had to deal with it.
Thanks. She managed pretty well, but one of my aunt's lived nearby so that
was a bonus in spelling my grandmother at times.
>> OTOH, as long as you cook and present it, your mother sounds
>> accepting of just about whatever you make.
>>
> Yeah, she's fine with pretty much anything. She really likes having
> someone to cook for her :)
Well, that's a good thing!
>> There's no sure solution to this but trial and error.
>>
>> Wish I could offer more...
>
> I appreciate it, Wayne.
>
> Jill
>
>
>
--
margaret suran
choose some foods if you showed him pictures in your Mother's cook books.
You will have to be patient. It won't be easy, but I know you will be
able to cope. You are not the kind to give up and you will put your
whole heart into this endeavor.
All the Best, Margaret
jmcquown
> jmcquown wrote:
>>
>> The morning I flew home (January 3) he kept talking about us having
>> pan-seared scallops when I get back. Given the fact that he didn't
>> have a clue who I was I don't expect him to remember talking about
>> pan-seared scallops. But you never know. If I go to the grocery
>> store for them on Tuesday maybe I'll pick some up, cook them and see
>> if he'll eat them.
>>
>> Jill
>
> This is a hard situation. I'm sorry.
>
> It's going to mean extra cooking but make separate meals for your
> parents. Make anything that fits your dad's food fixations, even if
> it's tomato sauce on everything. He's probably forgotten about the
> scallops by now. With dementia, his favorite foods may be ones he
> liked many decades ago. Don't get too attached to what you make,
> though, because he may reject it after he's requested it.
>
a log of what he ate daily when I got there. Seems his food intake
increased when I was there, but I can't really be sure based strictly on
what I was hearing. I was also told before I went there he was bedridden.
He most certainly wasn't. He's weak, yes. He's gone through two bouts of
chemo for non-Hodgkins lymphoma in the last 10 years. He probably weighs 80
lbs at this point which is why I'm trying to feed him. But of course I
can't make him eat.
> Any kind of special kind of Betty Crocker things you can make for your
> mom sound like they will be appreciated. Just make them in small
> quantities. My mom used to request things near the end of her life
> that I didn't even know she liked. She spent so years making food my
> dad liked (he was very picky), that I had no idea there were foods she
> liked that she never made.
>
No kidding! That's the way Mom has been. She'd try something, he didn't
like it, she'd never try it again. Heck of a way to encourage a non-cook to
cook more, eh?
> Can you get any kind of Ensure-type products into your mom? Even if
> you make a milkshake and a pour supplement into it, it might be a way
> to get her weight up some.
>
I'll try. She insists on having it for him but thinks it's perfectly fine
for her to weigh 77 lbs. When I shop and buy more for them I'll insist she
drink some every day, too. I was so happy to see her eating even though she
joked she would get fat. Sorry, Mom, ain't gonna happen! Drink some
Ensure.
> Good luck.
Thank you. And thank you for your suggestions.
Jill
Janet Bostwick
"jmcquown" <jmcq...@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
news:604il2F...@mid.individual.net...
> Okay, it's not really a question, but sincere non-flame suggestions would
> be
> appreciated. I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place so I'm
> ruminating.
>
> In my case, I'm primarily talking about my father. There are things he
> loved in the past but now says are "yukky" (actually, he's a lot more
> graphic than that) as if he's a 5 year old. Mom isn't the issue. She ate
> (or at least tasted, LOL) anything I put in front of her when I was there.
>
> But Dad doesn't recognize a lot of foods anymore, even things he used to
> love. In December he was on an "if it has tomato sauce in it it must be
> good" kick. Sorry, but I can't cook everything with tomato sauce. He did
> eat the (homemade) sloppy joe I made (when we ran out of hamburger buns we
> put it on English muffins); the meatball subs I made; the hopped up frozen
> "mini-pizzas) Mom had in the freezer. Pretty much anything else (other
> than
> Cheerios, drinking Ensure and eating fruit pastries from the bakery) he'd
> turn his nose up at.
>
> Jill
Jill, do you think he would snack if you left some tidbits by his side? I'm
fresh out of ideas for something like that right now, but there are lots of
things we think of as cocktail snacks that are quite nutritious. I'm not
talking about chips and pretzels. . .you know, like mini quiche or little
bitty sandwiches. I think you're on to something with leaving some food
around him. Good luck
Janet
jmcquown
> jmcquown wrote:
>> Okay, it's not really a question, but sincere non-flame suggestions
>> would be appreciated. I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard
>> place so I'm ruminating.
>>
>> he loved in the past but now says are "yukky" (actually, he's a lot
>> more graphic than that) as if he's a 5 year old.
>>
Unfortunately, trying to discuss much of anything with him doesn't work
well. He went downhill so fast. For the most part he doesn't understand.
And he gets so frustrated because he doesn't know what we're trying to say.
By the same token he says things that don't make any sense at all and gets
frustrated because we don't know what he's saying. He has no idea who I am,
either.
> Perhaps he would
> choose some foods if you showed him pictures in your Mother's cook
> books.
>
If she hadn't gotten rid of almost all of her cookbooks that might help!
> You will have to be patient. It won't be easy, but I know you will be
> able to cope. You are not the kind to give up and you will put your
> whole heart into this endeavor.
>
> All the Best, Margaret
I'll be as patient as I can be, but I can't stay there forever. Mom knows
that.
You mentioned to me getting someone (professional) to help my mom. She had
hired RN's from a nearby hospice. Dad wouldn't have anything to do with
them so they were no help to her. I'm still looking into things, though.
Jill
jmcquown
Excellent idea and something I already snagged on to.
Here's a "funny" for you: I'd gone shopping and I bought cubes of cheese.
Havarti, Gouda and Colby-Jack. I'm trying to get high protein foods into my
parents (plus I just adore cheese LOL). So I brought a plate of these
cheeses out with some crackers for my mom. Dad got out of bed and came and
joined us. He was amazed by the cubes of cheese. He only ate one or two.
But the next morning he said I must have some special "cheese thing" to make
the cheese into those cubes. I'm sorry, but I had to laugh. If I'd bought
blocks of cheese I'd have used a knife. He was convinced there is some sort
of special thing to cube cheese. Anyway, I went and got some of the cheese
and set it on a plate on the table next to him. He kept going on about how
the cheese got cubed. But yes, eventually he ate it. He was absolutely
fascinated by that cubed cheese, though.
Jill
Puester
>
> It's not like he doesn't recognize all foods. I'm wondering if his his
> taste buds are shot, given his sort of spiced tomato sauce fixation. I'll
> find out for myself what kind of a food kick Dad is on when I get there
> tomorrow evening. Might well still be tomato-sauced stuff, in which case
> I'll go with the flow.
He may not even know what he is saying a minute later, but
I'd ASK what
he'd like for dinner and maybe suggest two alternatives.
> The morning I flew home (January 3) he kept talking about us having
> pan-seared scallops when I get back.
Ask.
Ask if they'd like chicken soup, then make a simple one
without too many spices
or unexpected vegetables, everything cut small. Beef stew,
with everything very,
very tender.
Older people sometimes have digestive problems or even teeth
that don't
work as well as they used to.
Can you all sit at the table together for meals? Sometimes
a more formal
or "party" feeling can make meals easier.
Remember that both of them are probably terrified at your
father's
loss of memory and ability and the fear of death that can be
very depressing to both.
gloria p
sf
<jmcq...@bellsouth.net> wrote:
>He was eating some corn chowder I'd made (one day when he had forgot about
>the tomato sauce kick). She got worried he'd spill some of it even though
>he had a TV tray. So she grabbed the spoon and started trying to feed him
>like he was a baby. Uh oh, bad idea. He's got dementia, absolutely. But
>he still has his pride. So what if he spills some soup on his pants or on
>the carpet?! He got mad and wouldn't eat anymore. You can't force him to
>do anything.
How about getting him a dish towel to use as a napkin? If he wants
white, buy white.
--
See return address to reply by email
remove the smiley face first
sf
<waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote:
>That's a good point, not to simply whisk it away at the first sign of his
>rejecting the food. It might take him longer to process that he really is
>hungry and that the food in front of him looks like something he might
>like.
That's the way to make anyone picky. I know for sure that's how my
exDIL turned GS into a picky eater.
Wayne Boatwright
> On Mon, 28 Jan 2008 00:25:37 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
> <waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>>That's a good point, not to simply whisk it away at the first sign of his
>>rejecting the food. It might take him longer to process that he really
is
>>hungry and that the food in front of him looks like something he might
>>like.
>
> That's the way to make anyone picky. I know for sure that's how my
> exDIL turned GS into a picky eater.
>
What, to leave the food there?
sf
>Try oatmeal for breakfast, poached eggs on toast for lunch and say
>chicken pot pie for supper. Keep seasoning to basic salt and pepper where
>allowed and remember old folks like bland.
The first two are a big yes. That's exactly what my mom's parents ate
daily and they were never bored with it. I just thought they were
weird. Nice people, but oddly repetitive. They gradually cut down on
red meat and finally just ate chicken because grampa probably had acid
reflux... and he was able to say what meats bothered him has he grew
older. You're also right about bland. They were s & p people. Not
much of that either.
Goomba38
> Try oatmeal for breakfast, poached eggs on toast for lunch and say
> chicken pot pie for supper. Keep seasoning to basic salt and pepper where
> allowed and remember old folks like bland.
>
Huh? Says who? People who never liked spices might like bland, but I've
never had a family member prefer bland as they aged. I think industrial
(cafeteria/nursing home/hospital) foods are prepared that way to lessen
any chance of offending. BUT maybe that also is why some folks don't eat
very much also?? Taste buds diminish with age. The taste of "sweet" is
the last to go.
Perhaps taking Jill's parents to one of those cafeterias often
frequented by old folks would give Dad a chance to get anything that
appealed to him at that very moment (and might not appeal by the next
day) and allow Mom to have what she wants even if it isn't the same as
his meal. I wonder if they both would eat well then? It is worth a
shot, y'know?
jmcquown
> hahabogus wrote:
>
>> Try oatmeal for breakfast, poached eggs on toast for lunch and say
>> chicken pot pie for supper. Keep seasoning to basic salt and pepper
>> where allowed and remember old folks like bland.
>>
> Huh? Says who? People who never liked spices might like bland, but
> I've never had a family member prefer bland as they aged.
Which was sort of my point when he seemed to crave more highly spiced
"tomato sauced" things. Comfort foods, yes, but not just s&p; something
with much more punch than that.
> industrial (cafeteria/nursing home/hospital) foods are prepared that
> way to lessen any chance of offending. BUT maybe that also is why
> some folks don't eat very much also?? Taste buds diminish with age.
> The taste of "sweet" is the last to go.
>
Dad loves his sweets!
> Perhaps taking Jill's parents to one of those cafeterias often
> frequented by old folks would give Dad a chance to get anything that
> appealed to him at that very moment (and might not appeal by the next
> day) and allow Mom to have what she wants even if it isn't the same as
> his meal. I wonder if they both would eat well then? It is worth a
> shot, y'know?
If I knew of a cafeteria on Lady's Island (which is the closest place to
civilization to them) I'd give it a shot. Can't find one unless we take him
to the hospital in Beaufort... which he absolutely won't go near. Besides,
most of the time he doesn't even wear pants.
Jill
Goomba38
> Can you get any kind of Ensure-type products into your mom? Even if
> you make a milkshake and a pour supplement into it, it might be a way
> to get her weight up some.
>
> Good luck.
good advice this! Boost and Ensure could be good things for both of
these parents. Some prefer it served over ice (which also dilutes it a
bit which some prefer over the thickness of it straight out of the can)
Nice seeing you post again, Cryambers :)
Did I ever tell you how great a meal my niece and I had at La Tomate
there in Washington. D.C. ? Do you and the SO ever go there?
jmcquown
> jmcquown wrote:
>
>>
>> It's not like he doesn't recognize all foods. I'm wondering if his
>> his taste buds are shot, given his sort of spiced tomato sauce
>> fixation. I'll find out for myself what kind of a food kick Dad is
>> on when I get there tomorrow evening. Might well still be
>> tomato-sauced stuff, in which case I'll go with the flow.
>
> He may not even know what he is saying a minute later, but
> I'd ASK what
> he'd like for dinner and maybe suggest two alternatives.
>
stock answer is either "Yeah" or "no"; doesn't much matter what the question
is.
>> The morning I flew home (January 3) he kept talking about us having
>> pan-seared scallops when I get back.
>
> Ask.
>
Sure, I'll ask. And he'll say "Yeah".
> Ask if they'd like chicken soup, then make a simple one
> without too many spices
> or unexpected vegetables, everything cut small. Beef stew,
> with everything very,
> very tender.
>
He seems to want spices. Hence the meatball subs I made for them last
month.
> Older people sometimes have digestive problems or even teeth
> that don't
> work as well as they used to.
>
Dad happens to have almost all of his teeth in great condition; he has a few
implants but not like Mom who has had dentures for 30 years.
> Can you all sit at the table together for meals? Sometimes
> a more formal
> or "party" feeling can make meals easier.
>
We try to get him to come to the table. Usually he just wants to sit in his
recliner and eat in the TV room. That's nothing new, though.
> Remember that both of them are probably terrified at your
> father's
> loss of memory and ability and the fear of death that can be
> very depressing to both.
>
> gloria p
Yes. And depressing to me, too, gloria.
Jill
Peter
I don't think there was enough detail and background info posted. Can you
elaborate?
beth thomas
> be
> appreciated. I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place so I'm
> ruminating.
You have a difficult situation, no doubt about it. You mentioned hiring
someone from hospice...you should not have to pay for hospice services (I am
a hospice nurse)...Medicare pays for all services,equipment, and meds
related to the terminal illness. For instance, if your father is on hospice
for dementia, it will pay for RN visits, home health aide visits (for
assistance with bathing, linen changes, etc) and any meds related to
dementia such as sleeping meds, antianxiety meds, even meds like
dexamethasone to stimulate appetite. If he is incontinent, they will
provide briefs and pads. If he needs a hospital bed, a walker, a bedside
commode, oxygen....paid for. They will also have a social worker to help
your mom with any issues she may have and keep in touch with you to provide
an objective viewpoint, and assist with NH placement should this ever become
an issue. This is all paid for thru Medicare, with no charge to the patient
or family.
Okay, sermon over! Back on topic, you may want to give simple choices to
your dad, providing him with dignity and a sense of control, yet still
guiding his choices. For example, instead of asking him what he wants to
eat, ask him if he wants A or B. When it is time to eat, ask him (not if he
wants to eat) but if he wants to eat in the den or the kitchen. Just like
with kids, giving them a feeling of control or allowing them to make choices
will get you more cooperation, while still accomplishing the task at hand.
Also, I agree with small portions, often folks get overwhelmed with a large
amount and will give up. And maybe one item at a time, if faced with
multiple choices he may be overwhelmed and just quit. I like the tiny
cheese story, it was quite apropos.
Didn't mean to go on and on, usually I just lurk but felt like I may be able
to add a little here. If you have any questions about hospice, email me and
I will be happy to chat with you .
Beth
sf
<waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote:
>On Sun 27 Jan 2008 06:31:33p, told us...
>
>> On Mon, 28 Jan 2008 00:25:37 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
>> <waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>>That's a good point, not to simply whisk it away at the first sign of his
>>>rejecting the food. It might take him longer to process that he really
>is
>>>hungry and that the food in front of him looks like something he might
>>>like.
>>
>> That's the way to make anyone picky. I know for sure that's how my
>> exDIL turned GS into a picky eater.
>>
>
>What, to leave the food there?
Whipping it away at the slightest sign of "What the hell is *that*
stuff?"
sf
<jmcq...@bellsouth.net> wrote:
>If I knew of a cafeteria on Lady's Island (which is the closest place to
>civilization to them) I'd give it a shot. Can't find one unless we take him
>to the hospital in Beaufort... which he absolutely won't go near. Besides,
>most of the time he doesn't even wear pants.
Hey, maybe that could be a way to lessen his aversion to hospitals!
Go there just to eat and go home. The local hospital here has senior
meals for under $5. Quite a bargain, I say!
Wayne Boatwright
Oh, okay, I misinterpreted what wrote. Sorry, Barb. I thought you meant
to leave the food there was not a good thing.
sf
<waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote:
>Oh, okay, I misinterpreted what wrote. Sorry, Barb. I thought you meant
>to leave the food there was not a good thing.
Correct. I meant the opposite. Sounds like Jill's dad might turn
into a grazer. Maybe she could keep healthy nibbles, grapes, cubes of
cheese(whatever she thinks is right) next to his recliner.
Pennyaline
The "children" and spouses of nursing home residents ALWAYS tell us that
"he never" ate this food and "she never" liked that food, "never" did
this and "never" did that... and go out of their way to prevent us from
serving historically disliked foods to them in the home. Things change
big time when a person develops dementia. Personalities change, personal
preferences change, and scenarios are invented to fill in gaps in
memory. Families are often floored by what they find their demented
relatives doing, saying, eating and drinking, and must be instructed
that *now* is the time to give in to whatever the patient will eat in
the form that they can manage.
Families often have trouble understanding that a demented parent may
also have forgotten how to do everyday tasks, like eat with utensils. A
spoon and fork can be a frustratingly foreign object to a demented
person who may take to trying to eat everything, even liquids, with bare
hands. It takes effort, but remind yourself that it's all right if mom
or dad want to do this. There is no reason that food must be eaten with
utensils if their use is more hindrance than help. Sandwiches,
vegetables and meat cut up into graspable size is excellent finger food
and, remind yourself, it's okay if they do that.
There are the commonplace problems of just getting older that have to be
dealt with too. Non-demented folks have memory problems and often forget
what their doing. Seeing what's on the plate may be challenging, and
judging the trajectory from plate to mouth can result in some mess.
Older eyes need more ambient light and brighter colors. Older taste buds
need more seasoning and, as Goomba has already mentioned, the taste of
sweet is the last to go. Older folks in general need more time to eat
just as they usually need more time to do everything -- reaction and
response time is slower, movement is more restricted and probably more
painful. Arthritic arms, shoulders and hands make work slow. Arthritic
jaw problems make chewing difficult, as do problems with the
teeth/dentures. Swallowing problems are not unusual.
Large meals with big plates full of food will frequently turn off the
appetite of an older person, and a brimming plate of food presented to a
demented person can be devastatingly confusing. Give a confused eater
one item at a time, and see if it helps to keep the eater on track.
Offer your parents a balanced diet with a good variety of food. OTC
products like Boost and Ensure are available to supplement poor dietary
intake, and they are highly sweetened for a reason. Older folks who just
can't eat enough regular food for whatever reason will usually take to
the supplements readily. Keep your parents up to date with medical
follow up to make sure both of them are physically well. Keep their
prescriptions filled and make sure they take their meds as ordered.
Julie Bove
"jmcquown" <jmcq...@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
news:604il2F...@mid.individual.net...
> Okay, it's not really a question, but sincere non-flame suggestions would
> be
> appreciated. I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place so I'm
> ruminating.
<snip>
We went through this with an elderly woman we adopted as "grandma" some
years ago. She lived on lime Jell-O. We managed to get her to eat bread
and drink grape juice by telling her it was communion. We made sort of a
game of it. Actually it was the minister at the church who suggested to us
that we try this. He had taken communion to her once and during that time
she ate. We really never succeeded in getting her to eat much of anything
else, although we tried. Sometimes she would eat soup.
Will your dad willingly take vitamins? Perhaps the chewables if he has
trouble swallowing them? You might have to give him vitamins and do the
best you can with the limited diet of what he will eat. And if possible
sneak in as many vegetables as you can into what he will eat. When I make
meatloaf, I add tons of chopped spinach, carrots, onion, peppers, mushrooms
etc. I put them through the food processor and chop them very fine. You
could also smother a piece of meatloaf in tomato sauce if that's all he
wants to eat. I also add extra vegetables to my pasta sauce. My family
doesn't much like vegetables so I have to sneak them into their food.
Swiss chard is another thing I manage to get them to eat. I cut it into
very fine slivers and add it to hamburger gravy that I serve over mashed
potatoes or rice. You can make zucchini bread or add shredded zucchini to
chocolate cake. Sometimes older people will more willingly eat sweets than
anything else.
My MIL went through a phase where she would eagerly eat anything she thought
she wasn't supposed to. Of course it was a problem with her because there
were actually reasons why she wasn't supposed to eat certain things. Like
cholesterol through the roof and the fact that she easily choked on things.
To get her to eat, sometimes we'd leave something out then hint around about
how we weren't sure if she could have it or not. Then as soon as she
thought we weren't looking, she would eat it.
sandi
> Keep serving sizes small. Sometimes just having too much on a
> plate can stop people from eating. I used to use a bread and
> butter plate for my sister in law when caring with her when
> she had alzheimers. Many small meals a day of easy to eat
> food on a small plate.
>
> Debbie
I agree with Debbie.
Do they like fiber type foods? How about Triscuit crackers for
snacks?
Julie Bove
<sf> wrote in message news:i6cqp35272l3pdjoc...@4ax.com...
That could be why my mom doesn't like much in the way of seasonings. She
never has. She got a spice rack for a wedding gift and it sat there mainly
untouched. The only things she ever used much of were parsley and chili
powder.
Julie Bove
<sf> wrote in message news:jefqp319e4ptlqs21...@4ax.com...
> On Sun, 27 Jan 2008 19:54:26 -0600, "jmcquown"
> <jmcq...@bellsouth.net> wrote:
>
>>If I knew of a cafeteria on Lady's Island (which is the closest place to
>>civilization to them) I'd give it a shot. Can't find one unless we take
>>him
>>to the hospital in Beaufort... which he absolutely won't go near.
>>Besides,
>>most of the time he doesn't even wear pants.
>
> Hey, maybe that could be a way to lessen his aversion to hospitals!
> Go there just to eat and go home. The local hospital here has senior
> meals for under $5. Quite a bargain, I say!
>
Pennyaline
> Unfortunately, trying to discuss much of anything with him doesn't work
> well. He went downhill so fast. For the most part he doesn't understand.
> And he gets so frustrated because he doesn't know what we're trying to say.
> By the same token he says things that don't make any sense at all and gets
> frustrated because we don't know what he's saying. He has no idea who I am,
> either.
Don't ask someone at that level of dementia to make decisions or
choices. He no longer has sufficient short term memory to process
information and make comparisons and will flame out on you every time.
>
> I'll be as patient as I can be, but I can't stay there forever. Mom knows
> that.
>
> You mentioned to me getting someone (professional) to help my mom. She had
> hired RN's from a nearby hospice. Dad wouldn't have anything to do with
> them so they were no help to her. I'm still looking into things, though.
Ultimately (and I probably don't have to tell you this) it comes down to
how long your mother can hold out. She may feel guilty as sin about it,
but the time will come when a putting dad in a nursing home will be the
reasonable thing for both of them. Even with you there to help, you mom
is carrying the full load. She needs to take care of herself without the
constant strain of caring for and worrying about dad. Keeping a dementia
patient at home is a superhuman feat, and often a dangerous one, even
with home care services. In a facility, dad won't have the option of
rejecting the staff and dumping the load back onto your mom. Facilities
are set up to deal with dementia of every degree and provide safe
environments for it. His care will be better, her self-care will be
better, and you can get on with what you have to do without always
wondering if they're okay together back home.
Melba's Jammin'
"jmcquown" <jmcq...@bellsouth.net> wrote:
> Okay, it's not really a question, but sincere non-flame suggestions would be
> appreciated. I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place so I'm
> ruminating.
>
Jill, I think you do what you can do. It is certainly reasonable to
expect that his tastebuds don't work the way they used to. Maybe you
have to make two (or even three) different meals -- yours, hers, and
his. Given the circumstances, I think if he wanted sloppy joes for
every meal, I'd try to make it happen for him.
If you know that your mom would enjoy something your father would not,
buy it for her. And eat it with her if that's what it takes.
And sometimes, if they've given up on life and are ready to die, you try
your damndest to make your peace with them, mend the fences, tie up the
loose ends, let them eat whatever they want, and recognize that what you
want for them may not be what they want for themselves.
I've often said that the most difficult part of being a parent is coming
to terms with the fact that what you want for your children just might
not be what they want for themselves. And you try to honor that. It's
hard to let them go and sometimes that's all you can do, I think.
And you put one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on.
'Tain't fun, McGee.
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com; check the second note and
tell me if you knowwhat it is.
Laissez les bons temps rouler!
Melba's Jammin'
Goomba38 <Goom...@comcast.net> wrote:
> hahabogus wrote:
>
> > Try oatmeal for breakfast, poached eggs on toast for lunch and say
> > chicken pot pie for supper. Keep seasoning to basic salt and pepper where
> > allowed and remember old folks like bland.
> >
> Huh? Says who? People who never liked spices might like bland, but I've
> never had a family member prefer bland as they aged. I think industrial
> (cafeteria/nursing home/hospital) foods are prepared that way to lessen
> any chance of offending. BUT maybe that also is why some folks don't eat
> very much also?? Taste buds diminish with age. The taste of "sweet" is
> the last to go.
Read "Water for Elephants." :-)
Julia Altshuler
>
> Read "Water for Elephants." :-)
I mean to. You're the 3rd to recommend it to me. I have the paperback
on my shelf. The books I'm in the middle of and wish to finish first:
Peabody Sisters, Megan Marshall (non-fiction, but really interesting)
Tale of Love and Darkness, Amos Oz (recommended by cousin with good taste)
Saturday, Ian McEwan (loved the Atonement movie)
--Lia
maxine in ri
> Okay, it's not really a question, but sincere non-flame suggestions would be
> appreciated. I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place so I'm
> ruminating.
>
> We've had many threads about children who are picky eaters in the past. I'm
> on the flip side now. I'm going back to SC tomorrow afternoon for an
> indeterminate amount of time. My cat and my lovebird will be boarded.
>
> Mom has always disliked cooking. The last time I was there she picked up
> some Banquet frozen fried chicken in order to give me a break from doing all
> the cooking. For years this type of thing has been her idea of cooking.
> She simply doesn't like to cook. I ate it but honestly, it's not something
> I'd have selected.
>
> Health issues, food restrictions and the case where something simply doesn't
> agree with you anymore aside, how do you do to get elderly parents to eat?
> They aren't kids. You can't tell them they can't leave the dinner table if
> they don't eat whatever! And you can't force them to take one bite before
> they say they don't like something. But they have to eat and it's not a
> matter of you don't get to go out and play if you don't eat your dinner.
My Mom's 94, and starting to have memory problems. She still has an
appetite, altho she won't always eat. What we've found works is:
Ask what she'd like for the meal. If she has no preference or says
she's not hungry, we go away for a few minutes, then offer her a
choice of 2 or three things that might be available. We keep
containers of frozen soup, portions of fish and meat and chicken,
salad fixings, etc, so whatever she chooses, there's something that
can be heated up in short order, if she doesn't like what's on the
menu that day.
My sister and I have upped the use of spices and herbs, as well as
other seasonings, since as we age, our taste buds do lose their
accuity. Sounds like your dad's got that problem.
Because of mobility issues, we'll sometimes help Mom eat, but put the
fork back in her hand after each bite. I frequently turn her plate,
as the food gets shoved to one side, and her eyesight isn't good on
that side. As long as she can still see the food, she'll keep eating.
If he's into tomato sauce, use it as a condiment. He can put it on
just about anything (altho that chocolate cake might taste a little
strange to your or me, it might be fine for him.).
Your Mom sounds like she's pretty stressed, so it's good that you're
spending some time with her and him to help her . If you can find the
tricks necessary to get him to eat, make sure you share them with your
Mom. Try to do it like two friends chatting and sharing, rather than
teaching, unless she's so used to being given orders that that's all
she understands.
If your family belongs to a church, see if there is any kind of
respite group there who could come visit your Dad for an hour or two a
few times a week, and get your Mom involved in something outside the
house, whatever interests her. If you don't have a church, check with
the local department of elderly affairs. They may have some
suggestions, as long as your dad doesn't need trained help for any
purpose.
Good luck. You've got a rough road to hoe, but something tells me
you're tough enough to get the job done.
maxine in ri
jmcquown
> On Mon, 28 Jan 2008 02:33:49 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
> <waynebo...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> Oh, okay, I misinterpreted what wrote. Sorry, Barb. I thought you
>> meant to leave the food there was not a good thing.
>
> Correct. I meant the opposite. Sounds like Jill's dad might turn
> into a grazer. Maybe she could keep healthy nibbles, grapes, cubes of
> cheese(whatever she thinks is right) next to his recliner.
That's my plan. Right now, though, I have to figure out how to get the cat
out from under the bed :)
jmcquown
Yeah, he'll eat Triscuits and pretzels and things like that. What he really
wants are cookies and pastries and he can have as much of that as he wants,
too. He usually has a bowl of apple-cinnamon Cheerios for breakfast. And
he does drink Ensure a couple of times a day, whether he eats any other
meals or not.
Jill
jmcquown
> "jmcquown" <jmcq...@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
> news:604il2F...@mid.individual.net...
>> Okay, it's not really a question, but sincere non-flame suggestions
>> would be
>> appreciated. I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place so
>> I'm ruminating.
>>
>
> Can you elaborate?
Screw you, dickwad. Wait until you have to deal with then ask for my help
and see if you get it.
jmcquown
> On Sun, 27 Jan 2008 18:08:20 -0600, "jmcquown"
> <jmcq...@bellsouth.net> wrote:
>
>> He was eating some corn chowder I'd made (one day when he had forgot
>> about the tomato sauce kick). She got worried he'd spill some of it
>> even though he had a TV tray. So she grabbed the spoon and started
>> trying to feed him like he was a baby. Uh oh, bad idea. He's got
>> dementia, absolutely. But he still has his pride. So what if he
>> spills some soup on his pants or on the carpet?! He got mad and
>> wouldn't eat anymore. You can't force him to do anything.
>
> How about getting him a dish towel to use as a napkin? If he wants
> white, buy white.
We gave him a regular towel and he was fine with it. I'm trying to explain
to Mom not to treat him like a baby. He doesn't like that.
I appreciate everyone's suggestions, very much!
Jill
Wayne Boatwright
Have a safe flight!
jmcquown
> Goomba38 wrote:
>> hahabogus wrote:
>>
>>> Try oatmeal for breakfast, poached eggs on toast for lunch and say
>>> chicken pot pie for supper. Keep seasoning to basic salt and pepper
>>> where allowed and remember old folks like bland.
>>>
>> Huh? Says who? People who never liked spices might like bland, but
>> I've never had a family member prefer bland as they aged. I think
>> industrial (cafeteria/nursing home/hospital) foods are prepared that
>> way to lessen any chance of offending. BUT maybe that also is why
>> some folks don't eat very much also?? Taste buds diminish with age.
>> The taste of "sweet" is the last to go.
>>
> also have forgotten how to do everyday tasks, like eat with utensils.
> A spoon and fork can be a frustratingly foreign object to a demented
> person who may take to trying to eat everything, even liquids, with
> bare hands. It takes effort, but remind yourself that it's all right
> if mom or dad want to do this. There is no reason that food must be
> eaten with utensils if their use is more hindrance than help.
> Sandwiches, vegetables and meat cut up into graspable size is
> excellent finger food and, remind yourself, it's okay if they do that.
>
triskets, things like that. He adores pastries so I made sure there were
always some in the house. And yes, I kept the portions of every "meal"
small. Tried to do the sandwich (or half sandwich) route a lot of the time
for him, or small bowls of soups.
>
> Offer your parents a balanced diet with a good variety of food. OTC
> products like Boost and Ensure are available to supplement poor
> dietary intake, and they are highly sweetened for a reason. Older
> folks who just can't eat enough regular food for whatever reason will
> usually take to the supplements readily.
He drinks Ensure a couple of times a day. I need to get Mom to start doing
that, too.
> Keep your parents up to date
> with medical follow up to make sure both of them are physically well.
> Keep their prescriptions filled and make sure they take their meds as
> ordered.
Thank GOD he isn't on any prescription medication!! (Mom is and she takes
it as directed.) Dad absolutely won't go near the hospital for a check-up,
though. The last time Mom tried to take him for a check-up (I wasn't there)
he started crying and shrieking and it freaked her out so she turned around
and went home. He's afraid (possibly rightly so) he'll be admitted and
never go home again.
Jill
jmcquown
> "jmcquown" <jmcq...@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
> news:604il2F...@mid.individual.net...
>> Okay, it's not really a question, but sincere non-flame suggestions
>> would be
>> appreciated. I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place so
>> I'm ruminating.
>
>
> You have a difficult situation, no doubt about it. You mentioned
> hiring someone from hospice...you should not have to pay for hospice
> services (I am a hospice nurse)...Medicare pays for all
> services,equipment, and meds related to the terminal illness.
You're right. Medicare did pay for the services; I just remember her
getting a statement for the hospice nurse visits. I asked if it was a
covered expense and she said yes. What stuck in my mind was her fretting
over the amount.
> instance, if your father is on hospice for dementia, it will pay for
> RN visits, home health aide visits (for assistance with bathing,
> linen changes, etc) and any meds related to dementia such as sleeping
> meds, antianxiety meds, even meds like dexamethasone to stimulate
> appetite. If he is incontinent, they will provide briefs and pads.
> If he needs a hospital bed, a walker, a bedside commode,
> oxygen....paid for. They will also have a social worker to help
> your mom with any issues she may have and keep in touch with you to
> provide an objective viewpoint, and assist with NH placement should
> this ever become an issue. This is all paid for thru Medicare, with
> no charge to the patient or family.
>
Thank you for the clarifications!
> Okay, sermon over! Back on topic, you may want to give simple
> choices to your dad, providing him with dignity and a sense of
> control, yet still guiding his choices. For example, instead of
> asking him what he wants to eat, ask him if he wants A or B. When it
> is time to eat, ask him (not if he wants to eat) but if he wants to
> eat in the den or the kitchen. Just like with kids, giving them a
> feeling of control or allowing them to make choices will get you more
> cooperation, while still accomplishing the task at hand. Also, I
> agree with small portions, often folks get overwhelmed with a large
> amount and will give up. And maybe one item at a time, if faced with
> multiple choices he may be overwhelmed and just quit. I like the
> tiny cheese story, it was quite apropos.
>
He was fascinated by that cheese! I'd been giving him half sandwiches and
things like that. Even before he got like this they certainly weren't
eating as much as they did 20 or even 10 years ago.
> Didn't mean to go on and on, usually I just lurk but felt like I may
> be able to add a little here. If you have any questions about
> hospice, email me and I will be happy to chat with you .
> Beth
Thanks, Beth. I'll only have limited access to a computer for a while
(their neighbor has one). If you think of anything else, I'll be checking
email so you may email me at jmcq...@bellsouth.net. Thank you very much
for the information.
Jill
Peter
Fuck you. The very first question I asked on this group, you were a wicked
old bitch about answering when you should have kept your mouth shut.
Lou Decruss
>
>"jmcquown" <jmcq...@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
>news:6069veF...@mid.individual.net...
>> Peter wrote:
>>> "jmcquown" <jmcq...@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
>>> news:604il2F...@mid.individual.net...
>>>> Okay, it's not really a question, but sincere non-flame suggestions
>>>> would be
>>>> appreciated. I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place so
>>>> I'm ruminating.
>>>>
>>>
>>> I don't think there was enough detail and background info posted.
>>> Can you elaborate?
>>
>> Screw you, dickwad. Wait until you have to deal with then ask for my help
>> and see if you get it.
>>
>
>
>Fuck you. The very first question I asked on this group, you were a wicked
>old bitch about answering when you should have kept your mouth shut.
>
She's a real sweetheart isn't she?
Lou
news
"Lou Decruss" <M...@notvalid.com> wrote in message
news:meesp31ueirej6vsu...@4ax.com...
Are all trannies so nasty? Must be the estrogen shots.
news
"Puester" <pue...@worldnet.att.net> wrote in message
news:6canj.172559$MJ6....@bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
> jmcquown wrote:
Google "dementia food".
Lou Decruss
>
>"Lou Decruss" <M...@notvalid.com> wrote in message
>news:meesp31ueirej6vsu...@4ax.com...
>>>> Screw you, dickwad. Wait until you have to deal with then ask for my
>>>> help
>>>> and see if you get it.
>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Fuck you. The very first question I asked on this group, you were a
>>>wicked
>>>old bitch about answering when you should have kept your mouth shut.
>>>
>> She's a real sweetheart isn't she?
>>
>> Lou
>
>Are all trannies so nasty? Must be the estrogen shots.
Comparing Jill to trannies isn't really fair to them. She's much more
unstable. <eg>
Lou
DK
I thought the same thing.
-dk
sf
>news wrote:
>>
>> Are all trannies so nasty? Must be the estrogen shots.
>>
>>
>
>I thought the same thing.
>
>-dk
OK, I have to ask now.... what's a tranny?
Goomba38
> OK, I have to ask now.... what's a tranny?
>
Transvestite.
And YOU live in SF?! LOL
Christine Dabney
wrote:
I think it is also transgender..but I could be wrong.
Christine
cybercat
"Janet Baraclough" <janet.a...@zetnet.co.uk> wrote in message
news:3130303039303...@zetnet.co.uk...
> The message <05adne89YPmomz3a...@comcast.com>
> from Goomba38 <Goom...@comcast.net> contains these words:
>
>> sf wrote:
>
>> > OK, I have to ask now.... what's a tranny?
>> >
>> Transvestite.
>
>
>
In a distinctly bloody, tissuey kind of way.
Goomba38
> The message <05adne89YPmomz3a...@comcast.com>
> from Goomba38 <Goom...@comcast.net> contains these words:
>
>
>>> OK, I have to ask now.... what's a tranny?
>>>
>> Transvestite.
>
>
>
>
The word Tranny is also used for transvestites.
Little Malice
> On Mon, 28 Jan 2008 19:13:47 -0500, DK <intrc...@gmail.xcom> wrote:
> >news wrote:
> >> Are all trannies so nasty? Must be the estrogen shots.
> >>
> >>
> >
> >I thought the same thing.
> >
> >-dk
>
> OK, I have to ask now.... what's a tranny?
Well, in my world it's short for "transmission", but I don't think
that's what DK meant... ;-)
--
Jani in WA
Ophelia
People in UK, usually only know about stuff in UK:)
Goomba38
> The message <24idnXWEdYmRIz3a...@comcast.com>
> from Goomba38 <Goom...@comcast.net> contains these words:
>
>> Janet Baraclough wrote:
>>> The message <05adne89YPmomz3a...@comcast.com>
>>> from Goomba38 <Goom...@comcast.net> contains these words:
>>>
>>>> sf wrote:
>>>>> OK, I have to ask now.... what's a tranny?
>>>>>
>>>> Transvestite.
>>> Nope, transexual. Which is different from a transvestite.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Janet.
>
>> The word Tranny is also used for transvestites.
>
>
> Janet.
I fully understand the difference. It still is used for transvestites also.
Julie Bove
"Goomba38" <Goom...@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:gJadnX-gc7zQgTza...@comcast.com...
Also used for transmissions.
Sky
If I hear the word "tranny," then I automatically <vbg, pun intended>
think vehicular transmissions too. I would never have associated
"tranny" with anything regarding choices and/or issues of sexuality.
It's always nice to learn something new ;)
Sky
--
Ultra Ultimate Kitchen Rule - Use the Timer!
Ultimate Kitchen Rule -- Cook's Choice
Jean B.
> Okay, it's not really a question, but sincere non-flame suggestions would be
> appreciated. I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place so I'm
> ruminating.
>
> on the flip side now. I'm going back to SC tomorrow afternoon for an
> indeterminate amount of time. My cat and my lovebird will be boarded.
>
> Mom has always disliked cooking. The last time I was there she picked up
> some Banquet frozen fried chicken in order to give me a break from doing all
> the cooking. For years this type of thing has been her idea of cooking.
> She simply doesn't like to cook. I ate it but honestly, it's not something
> I'd have selected.
>
> Health issues, food restrictions and the case where something simply doesn't
> agree with you anymore aside, how do you do to get elderly parents to eat?
> They aren't kids. You can't tell them they can't leave the dinner table if
> they don't eat whatever! And you can't force them to take one bite before
> they say they don't like something. But they have to eat and it's not a
> matter of you don't get to go out and play if you don't eat your dinner.
>
> In my case, I'm primarily talking about my father. There are things he
> loved in the past but now says are "yukky" (actually, he's a lot more
> graphic than that) as if he's a 5 year old. Mom isn't the issue. She ate
> (or at least tasted, LOL) anything I put in front of her when I was there.
>
> But Dad doesn't recognize a lot of foods anymore, even things he used to
> love. In December he was on an "if it has tomato sauce in it it must be
> good" kick. Sorry, but I can't cook everything with tomato sauce. He did
> eat the (homemade) sloppy joe I made (when we ran out of hamburger buns we
> put it on English muffins); the meatball subs I made; the hopped up frozen
> "mini-pizzas) Mom had in the freezer. Pretty much anything else (other than
> Cheerios, drinking Ensure and eating fruit pastries from the bakery) he'd
> turn his nose up at.
>
> He used to love creamed chipped beef on toast. All his adult life. When
> Stouffer's came out with the frozen version years ago he was absolutely
> thrilled. Yet, last month, when I offered him some he didn't say, "Oh good!
> SOS!" It was more along the lines of, "Oh God, that looks like baby crap!"
> (Well yeah, we tried to tell him that when we were kids, although I do love
> SOS now)
>
> Mom, OTOH, was thoroughly enjoying things like the Stouffer's spinach
> souffles (I bought a bunch of them when I went shopping, knowing she used to
> love it). And she ate half the spinach-cheese quiche from the "deli" area I
> got in one of their grocery stores... not in one sitting, mind you, but
> still, half a small quiche for her in two days was quite a feat! :)
>
> She loved the au gratin potatoes I made (from scratch, a simple old Betty
> Crocker recipe) but Dad wouldn't touch them even though he always loved au
> gratin potatoes. He didn't eat any of the swiss steak (I posted Mom's
> recipe a couple of days ago) even though he scarfed it down in the past. He
> wouldn't eat the crab cakes. Mom wolfed down two of them at (insofar as a
> 77 lb. woman can "wolf"); yet Dad always loved crab cakes.
>
> Mom doesn't buy things just for herself. If Dad says he doesn't like it,
> she won't buy it, even though she's depriving herself. (She's always been
> like that.) Me? When she sends me to the store and I'm picking up stuff
> I'm saying to myself hey, they like (or at least used to like) this, I'll
> get the ingredients to make it and see what happens.
>
> It's not like he doesn't recognize all foods. I'm wondering if his his
> taste buds are shot, given his sort of spiced tomato sauce fixation. I'll
> find out for myself what kind of a food kick Dad is on when I get there
> tomorrow evening. Might well still be tomato-sauced stuff, in which case
> I'll go with the flow.
>
> The morning I flew home (January 3) he kept talking about us having
> pan-seared scallops when I get back. Given the fact that he didn't have a
> clue who I was I don't expect him to remember talking about pan-seared
> scallops. But you never know. If I go to the grocery store for them on
> Tuesday maybe I'll pick some up, cook them and see if he'll eat them.
>
> Jill
>
>
Maybe you can get your dad to reminisce about the foods he
liked as a kid. It is possible, he would like them now.
(Thinking of how MY dad operated, and what I have read,
although not necessarily about food.)
--
Jean B.
Jean B.
> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>> On Sun 27 Jan 2008 04:32:14p, jmcquown told us...
>> probably do is offer you dad anything he "thinks" he would like.
>> Then, again, he may or may not eat it.
>
> That's the thing I was trying to explain to my mother. She'd offer him
> something and if he said "no" she'd whisk it away again. Don't do that!
> While he was picky about what he would eat, I found if I left whatever it
> was there on the table next to him in the TV room for 10-15 minutes he'd
> sometimes go ahead and eat it. I told her, don't just take it away because
> he said "no".
>
> He was eating some corn chowder I'd made (one day when he had forgot about
> the tomato sauce kick). She got worried he'd spill some of it even though
> like he was a baby. Uh oh, bad idea. He's got dementia, absolutely. But
> he still has his pride. So what if he spills some soup on his pants or on
> the carpet?! He got mad and wouldn't eat anymore. You can't force him to
> do anything.
>
>> this with my grandfather. She wasted food, but there wasn't much
>> alternative.
>>
> No, there really isn't. I'm sorry she had to deal with it.
>
>> OTOH, as long as you cook and present it, your mother sounds
>> accepting of just about whatever you make.
>>
> Yeah, she's fine with pretty much anything. She really likes having someone
> to cook for her :)
>
>> There's no sure solution to this but trial and error.
>>
>> Wish I could offer more...
>
> I appreciate it, Wayne.
>
> Jill
>
>
Also, you can frequently work around that "no". Wait a bit,
and he won't remember her said no. Approach it in a different
way. It was always a mistake to ask dad a question he could
say no to. If I made that mistake, I would secede and then
ask it in a different way, one that did not invite a yes/no
response.
--
Jean B.
Nancy Young
"Jean B." <jb...@rcn.com> wrote
> Also, you can frequently work around that "no". Wait a bit, and he won't
> remember her said no. Approach it in a different way. It was always a
> mistake to ask dad a question he could say no to. If I made that mistake,
> I would secede and then ask it in a different way, one that did not invite
> a yes/no response.
It seems to be working that if she leaves the food there, he'll eat
it after a bit. Let's hope that keeps up. You can never tell from
one day to the next with this illness.
nancy
sf
wrote:
>sf wrote:
Nope. I don't know these things.... to my knowledge, it's not a local
term.
sf
whose block has many gay home owners, but no transvestites (or even
transvestite visitors) to my knowledge.
sf
It's a UK term?
sf
wrote:
>If I hear the word "tranny," then I automatically <vbg, pun intended>
>think vehicular transmissions too. I would never have associated
>"tranny" with anything regarding choices and/or issues of sexuality.
>It's always nice to learn something new ;)
If somebody asked me before this thread, I'd say it was a transom.
hahabogus
news:JZSdnVPcM92Cszza...@comcast.com:
Best approach is are you eating your lunch in the kitchen with us or in
front of the tv? Note: lunch is a definite; only the location is up for
grabs.
--
The house of the burning beet-Alan
It'll be a sunny day in August, when the Moon will shine that night-
Elbonian Folklore
Nancy Young
"hahabogus" <inv...@null.null> wrote
> "Nancy Young" <rjy...@comcast.net> wrote
>> It seems to be working that if she leaves the food there, he'll eat
>> it after a bit. Let's hope that keeps up. You can never tell from
>> one day to the next with this illness.
> Best approach is are you eating your lunch in the kitchen with us or in
> front of the tv? Note: lunch is a definite; only the location is up for
> grabs.
Nice move! Who knew you were so devious? (not)
nancy
blake murphy
you need more sexual alternatives in your life, jani. although 'i
just dropped a new tranny in my '68 camaro' has possibilities.
your pal,
blake
Julie Bove
> from sf contains these words:
>
>> It's a UK term?
>
Love that film!
PeterLucas
--
Peter Lucas
Brisbane
Australia
You will travel through the valley of rejection;
you will reside in the land of morning mists...and you will find your home,
though it will not be where you left it.
Little Malice
LOL! Good one, Blake... :-D
--
Jani in WA
just joe
> OK, I have to ask now.... what's a tranny?
>
transexual
chicks with dicks
no easy way to say it
sf
<janet.a...@zetnet.co.uk> wrote:
>The message <6up2q39onp1evrkdn...@4ax.com>
>from sf contains these words:
>
>> It's a UK term?
>
> No. Haven't you seen "Priscilla Queen of the Desert"? Great film.
>
Nope, I've never even heard of it.
sf
<janet.a...@zetnet.co.uk> wrote:
>The message <dmp2q3tpvsqnfs5b5...@4ax.com>
>from sf contains these words:
>
>> On Wed, 30 Jan 2008 00:08:05 -0500, Goomba38 <Goom...@comcast.net>
>> wrote:
>
>> >sf wrote:
>> >
>> >> OK, I have to ask now.... what's a tranny?
>> >>
>> >Transvestite.
>> >And YOU live in SF?! LOL
>
>> Nope. I don't know these things.... to my knowledge, it's not a local
>> term.
>
>> sf
>> whose block has many gay home owners, but no transvestites (or even
>> transvestite visitors) to my knowledge.
>
> Here's more news for you; many transvestites are heterosexual.
>
However surprised you may be by this, it's old news.