OT Purina diet
Dimitri
"I wish I had said that", kind of comment.
Importance: Low
I have a dog. I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in
line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I
probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. But I did
lose 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet. The way that it works is
to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in the hospital in that condition because
I had been poisoned. I said no, it was because I'd been sitting in the
street licking my ass and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard
as he staggered out the door.
Stupid lady...why else would I buy dog food?
Dan Abel
"Dimitri" <Dimi...@prodigy.net> wrote:
> I have a dog. I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in
> line to check out.
>
> A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
> Stupid lady...why else would I buy dog food?
I have bought dog food. I don't have a dog. I've bought feminine
hygiene products. I don't have one of those, either. The dog food was
for my sister, who has six dogs. The feminine hygiene products were for
my wife. This happens fairly often, people buy things in stores for
other people. My wife even buys beets sometimes, although I'm sure she
held them at arm's length for fear of contamination.
--
Dan Abel
Petaluma, California USA
da...@sonic.net
Wayne Boatwright
> I have bought dog food. I don't have a dog. I've bought feminine
> hygiene products. I don't have one of those, either. The dog food was
> for my sister, who has six dogs. The feminine hygiene products were for
> my wife. This happens fairly often, people buy things in stores for
> other people. My wife even buys beets sometimes, although I'm sure she
> held them at arm's length for fear of contamination.
Yeah, but what did you/she say to the lady behind you/her in line? :-)
--
Wayne Boatwright
(correct the spelling of "geemail" to reply)
*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 10(X)/01(I)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Veteran's Day
5wks 5dys 6hrs 3mins
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We're all aliens, but from different
planets.
Wayne Boatwright
> This is the kind of story that most people can relate to. It falls into
> the "I wish I had said that", kind of comment.
This is a story that really happened to me some years ago...
I had stopped at the supermarket to pick up a prescription from the in-
store pharmacy, along with a bottle of Immodium for my partner who had the
stomach flu and associated symptoms. While I waited for the prescription I
wandered around the store a bit and, although I didn't really need
anything, found a great sale price on a large bottle of Tobasco sauce, and
in the produce section picked up some jalape�os and cherry peppers.
When I reached the checkout lane there were several people ahead of me and
then several people behind. The woman in front of me turned around to make
sure that she had gotten everything on the conveyor belt and glanced at my
cart. She asked if I was planning on using all of that together. I
replied, of course, don't you? She proceeded on just shaking her head.
--
Wayne Boatwright
(correct the spelling of "geemail" to reply)
*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 10(X)/01(I)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Veteran's Day
5wks 5dys 5hrs 54mins
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Cats are an alarm clock and are
obligated to wake the humans.
Blinky the Shark
> On Wed 01 Oct 2008 03:50:42p, Dimitri told us...
>
>> This is the kind of story that most people can relate to. It falls into
>> the "I wish I had said that", kind of comment.
>
> This is a story that really happened to me some years ago...
>
> I had stopped at the supermarket to pick up a prescription from the in-
> store pharmacy, along with a bottle of Immodium for my partner who had the
> stomach flu and associated symptoms. While I waited for the prescription I
> wandered around the store a bit and, although I didn't really need
> anything, found a great sale price on a large bottle of Tobasco sauce, and
> in the produce section picked up some jalape�os and cherry peppers.
>
> When I reached the checkout lane there were several people ahead of me and
> then several people behind. The woman in front of me turned around to make
> sure that she had gotten everything on the conveyor belt and glanced at my
> cart. She asked if I was planning on using all of that together. I
> replied, of course, don't you? She proceeded on just shaking her head.
Back before computers and credit cards were everwhere in retailing, a duck
went into a drugstore and picked out a tube of ChapStick. He took it up
front and placed it on the counter next to the cash register. The clerk
asked, "Shall I put that on your bill?", and he answered, "No, I'll do
that when I get home."
--
Blinky
Killing all posts from Google Groups
The Usenet Improvement Project: http://improve-usenet.org
Need a new news feed? http://blinkynet.net/comp/newfeed.html
Wayne Boatwright
> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>
>> On Wed 01 Oct 2008 03:50:42p, Dimitri told us...
>>
>>> This is the kind of story that most people can relate to. It falls
>>> into the "I wish I had said that", kind of comment.
>>
>> This is a story that really happened to me some years ago...
>>
>> I had stopped at the supermarket to pick up a prescription from the in-
>> store pharmacy, along with a bottle of Immodium for my partner who had
>> the stomach flu and associated symptoms. While I waited for the
>> prescription I wandered around the store a bit and, although I didn't
>> really need anything, found a great sale price on a large bottle of
>> Tobasco sauce, and in the produce section picked up some jalape�os and
>> cherry peppers.
>>
>> When I reached the checkout lane there were several people ahead of me
>> and then several people behind. The woman in front of me turned around
>> to make sure that she had gotten everything on the conveyor belt and
>> glanced at my cart. She asked if I was planning on using all of that
>> together. I replied, of course, don't you? She proceeded on just
>> shaking her head.
>
> Back before computers and credit cards were everwhere in retailing, a
> duck went into a drugstore and picked out a tube of ChapStick. He took
> it up front and placed it on the counter next to the cash register. The
> clerk asked, "Shall I put that on your bill?", and he answered, "No,
> I'll do that when I get home."
>
>
Oh noooo!
--
Wayne Boatwright
(correct the spelling of "geemail" to reply)
*******************************************
Date: Wednesday, 10(X)/01(I)/08(MMVIII)
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Countdown till Veteran's Day
5wks 5dys 4hrs 3mins
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Cats must attack the answering machine
and purr all over it.
Stan Horwitz
For a neighbor's dog when house sitting?
mequeenbe.nospam
Dimitri wrote:
> This is the kind of story that most people can relate to. It falls into the
> "I wish I had said that", kind of comment.
>
>
>
> Importance: Low
>
>
> I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard
> as he staggered out the door.
>
> Stupid lady...why else would I buy dog food?
everytime i see this story, i break up laughing....ROTFLMAO.
harriet & critters (jj the world famous jack russell terrior, and ms
fatty catty, who is now around 18.2 lbs)
elli...@webtv.net
LOL!!! I needed that after a very long day!
Best wishes and a healthy, happy and peaceful New Year to those who
observe,
Ellie
John Kane
.> My wife even buys beets sometimes, although I'm sure she
> held them at arm's length for fear of contamination.
A smart woman. Personally a HAZMAT suit seems like a good idea.
John Kane Kingston ON Canada
Dimitri
"Wayne Boatwright" <waynebo...@geemail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9B2AB9742752Dwa...@69.16.185.247...
> On Wed 01 Oct 2008 03:50:42p, Dimitri told us...
>
>> This is the kind of story that most people can relate to. It falls into
>> the "I wish I had said that", kind of comment.
>
> This is a story that really happened to me some years ago...
>
> I had stopped at the supermarket to pick up a prescription from the in-
> store pharmacy, along with a bottle of Immodium for my partner who had the
> stomach flu and associated symptoms. While I waited for the prescription
> I
> wandered around the store a bit and, although I didn't really need
> anything, found a great sale price on a large bottle of Tobasco sauce, and
> in the produce section picked up some jalape�os and cherry peppers.
>
> When I reached the checkout lane there were several people ahead of me and
> then several people behind. The woman in front of me turned around to
> make
> sure that she had gotten everything on the conveyor belt and glanced at my
> cart. She asked if I was planning on using all of that together. I
> replied, of course, don't you? She proceeded on just shaking her head.
>
> --
> Wayne Boatwright
Great Story.
Here's another.
Dimitri
One year we had stopped by the local Thrifty Drug Store to pick up some
supplies. As was the usual case the store was understaffed and a long
check-out line ensued.
Standing in front of us was a young girl (under 18 as far as I could tell)
with an early pregnancy test kit (EPT) in her hand. As best she could she
was hiding her purchase praying no one would see her. I suspect this was
her local store. She had gone far beyond nervous bordering on Terrified.
The young female clerk had coke bottle glasses which distorted her looks.
She was chatty and for lack of a better term over friendly, in discussing
peoples purchases.
Finally we were next in line after watching this poor young girl almost
break into a cold sweat. She placed the EPT box on the counter with great
courage on her part. The clerk sounded out in her booming voice " Boy these
Pregnancy Test Kits are really great but they are so Expensive."
My heart went out to the courage or desperation of the customer as she just
shoved her money at the clerk instead of RUNNING WITH HORROR OUT THE DOOR.
Her face and expression will live in my memory forever.
Needles to say as we left we discussed the clerk and had great empathy for
that girl. I suspect her next sexual opportunity would have been less than
successful. In fact I almost feel sorry for her boyfriend.
Dimitri
Dimitri
"Wayne Boatwright" <waynebo...@geemail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9B2AB9742752Dwa...@69.16.185.247...
>
>> This is the kind of story that most people can relate to. It falls into
>> the "I wish I had said that", kind of comment.
>
> This is a story that really happened to me some years ago...
>
> I had stopped at the supermarket to pick up a prescription from the in-
> store pharmacy, along with a bottle of Immodium for my partner who had the
> stomach flu and associated symptoms. While I waited for the prescription
> I
> wandered around the store a bit and, although I didn't really need
> anything, found a great sale price on a large bottle of Tobasco sauce, and
> in the produce section picked up some jalape�os and cherry peppers.
>
> When I reached the checkout lane there were several people ahead of me and
> then several people behind. The woman in front of me turned around to
> make
> sure that she had gotten everything on the conveyor belt and glanced at my
> cart. She asked if I was planning on using all of that together. I
> replied, of course, don't you? She proceeded on just shaking her head.
>
> --
> Wayne Boatwright
You should have said, "Crap! I forgot the Ice Cream."
Dimitri
Wayne Boatwright
That's really sad. Poor girl.
--
Wayne Boatwright
(correct the spelling of "geemail" to reply)
*******************************************
Date: Thursday, 10(X)/02(II)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
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How sharper than a hound's tooth it is
to have a thankless serpent.
Wayne Boatwright
LOL!
--
Wayne Boatwright
(correct the spelling of "geemail" to reply)
*******************************************
Date: Thursday, 10(X)/02(II)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Veteran's Day
Gregory Morrow
Dimitri wrote:
Isn't that the 17 - year old boyfriend of Sara Palin's knocked - up
daughter...???
====>>> LUVS the term "knocked up"...
--
Best
Greg
Kathleen
> Great Story.
>
> Here's another.
>
> Dimitri
>
> One year we had stopped by the local Thrifty Drug Store to pick up some
> supplies. As was the usual case the store was understaffed and a long
> check-out line ensued.
>
> Standing in front of us was a young girl (under 18 as far as I could
> tell) with an early pregnancy test kit (EPT) in her hand. As best she
> could she was hiding her purchase praying no one would see her. I
> suspect this was her local store. She had gone far beyond nervous
> bordering on Terrified. The young female clerk had coke bottle glasses
> which distorted her looks. She was chatty and for lack of a better term
> over friendly, in discussing peoples purchases.
>
> Finally we were next in line after watching this poor young girl almost
> break into a cold sweat. She placed the EPT box on the counter with
> great courage on her part. The clerk sounded out in her booming voice "
> Boy these Pregnancy Test Kits are really great but they are so Expensive."
>
> My heart went out to the courage or desperation of the customer as she
> just shoved her money at the clerk instead of RUNNING WITH HORROR OUT
> THE DOOR. Her face and expression will live in my memory forever.
>
> Needles to say as we left we discussed the clerk and had great empathy
> for that girl. I suspect her next sexual opportunity would have been
> less than successful. In fact I almost feel sorry for her boyfriend.
Oh, hell. Poor kid.
I'd have put a bug in the manager's ear about that clerk's running
commentary on purchases, especially those of a personal nature.
anonymousNetUser
> On Wed 01 Oct 2008 03:50:42p, Dimitri told us...
>
>> This is the kind of story that most people can relate to. It falls into
>> the "I wish I had said that", kind of comment.
>
> This is a story that really happened to me some years ago...
>
> I had stopped at the supermarket to pick up a prescription from the in-
> store pharmacy, along with a bottle of Immodium for my partner who had the
> stomach flu and associated symptoms. While I waited for the prescription I
> wandered around the store a bit and, although I didn't really need
> anything, found a great sale price on a large bottle of Tobasco sauce, and
> in the produce section picked up some jalape�os and cherry peppers.
>
> When I reached the checkout lane there were several people ahead of me and
> then several people behind. The woman in front of me turned around to make
> sure that she had gotten everything on the conveyor belt and glanced at my
> cart. She asked if I was planning on using all of that together. I
> replied, of course, don't you? She proceeded on just shaking her head.
>
I sometimes do stuff like this... be at the store and buy stuff that are
on sale and otherwise just don't seem to go together. No one has ever
commented, but I often wonder what the clerk thinks when they ring me up.
Wayne Boatwright
> Oh, man, that is too funny.
>
> I sometimes do stuff like this... be at the store and buy stuff that are
> on sale and otherwise just don't seem to go together. No one has ever
> commented, but I often wonder what the clerk thinks when they ring me up.
>
When people are just buying a few things, I try to imagine just what
they're going to do with it, especially if they seem to be very disparate
items. I nver ask. OTOH, if the collection of items look like an obvious
combination and the person looks friendly, I might say, "gee, it looks like
you're going to make lasagne", or whatever.
--
Wayne Boatwright
(correct the spelling of "geemail" to reply)
*******************************************
Date: Thursday, 10(X)/02(II)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Veteran's Day
5wks 4dys 5hrs 37mins
*******************************************
Confucious say: America good place to
start Chinese restaurant.
George Shirley
> On Thu 02 Oct 2008 05:51:32p, anonymousNetUser told us...
>
>> Oh, man, that is too funny.
>>
>> I sometimes do stuff like this... be at the store and buy stuff that are
>> on sale and otherwise just don't seem to go together. No one has ever
>> commented, but I often wonder what the clerk thinks when they ring me up.
>>
>
> When people are just buying a few things, I try to imagine just what
> they're going to do with it, especially if they seem to be very disparate
> items. I nver ask. OTOH, if the collection of items look like an obvious
> combination and the person looks friendly, I might say, "gee, it looks like
> you're going to make lasagne", or whatever.
>
guys, looked to be in their forties, were coming out with a basket
loaded with pork ribs, cans of pork and beans, and a couple of cases of
beer.
I casually remarked that it looked like a party was getting started.
Both laughed and said, "Nope, just dinner for two tonight." I was
impressed as neither of them were very large. Of course they could have
been telling me to mind my own business too.
Nancy Young
> Wayne Boatwright wrote:
>> I had stopped at the supermarket to pick up a prescription from the
>> in- store pharmacy, along with a bottle of Immodium for my partner
>> who had the stomach flu and associated symptoms. While I waited for
>> the prescription I wandered around the store a bit and, although I
>> didn't really need anything, found a great sale price on a large
>> bottle of Tobasco sauce, and in the produce section picked up some
>> jalape�os and cherry peppers. When I reached the checkout lane there were
>> several people ahead of
>> me and then several people behind. The woman in front of me turned
>> around to make sure that she had gotten everything on the conveyor
>> belt and glanced at my cart. She asked if I was planning on using
>> all of that together. I replied, of course, don't you? She
>> proceeded on just shaking her head.
> Oh, man, that is too funny.
>
> I sometimes do stuff like this... be at the store and buy stuff that
> are on sale and otherwise just don't seem to go together. No one has
> ever commented, but I often wonder what the clerk thinks when they
> ring me up.
Like the time I needed to pick up some Liquid Plumber and
toilet paper in a 20 pack happened to be on sale. Got some
looks.
nancy
Wayne Boatwright
ROTF!
--
Wayne Boatwright
(correct the spelling of "geemail" to reply)
*******************************************
Date: Thursday, 10(X)/02(II)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Veteran's Day
5wks 4dys 4hrs 10mins
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The great tragedy of science is the
slaying of a beautiful theory by an
Blinky the Shark
One time when I was at Coscto with my buddy, they had a big display of
toilet paper set up on an end cap (no pun intended), and some gal was
there pitching it to passers-by. She engaged me in conversation - or
perhaps it was the other way around - and at some point, since I
coincidentally had to go to the john, I said, "Well, I guess I'll have to
try some!" and unwound a bunch from an open roll. And took off for the
restroom. It passed the test with flying colors (earthtones, I'll grant).
So I went back and said to her, "It works great!" She was fairly
speechless, but I had more for her. I am right-handed, and my right arm
was in a cast. I held it up and said, "But do you have any special rolls
for lefties?" *Then* she was speechless. Come to think of it, so was my
buddy, and he's *used* to expecting the worst from me. :)
Nancy Young
> Nancy Young wrote:
> One time when I was at Coscto with my buddy, they had a big display of
> toilet paper set up on an end cap (no pun intended), and some gal was
> there pitching it to passers-by.
Man, who'd she piss off? The other sample people give out
crab dip and ravioli, she has to demonstrate toilet paper!
> She engaged me in conversation - or
> perhaps it was the other way around - and at some point, since I
> coincidentally had to go to the john, I said, "Well, I guess I'll
> have to try some!" and unwound a bunch from an open roll. And took
> off for the restroom.
(laugh)
> It passed the test with flying colors
> (earthtones, I'll grant). So I went back and said to her, "It works
> great!" She was fairly speechless, but I had more for her. I am
> right-handed, and my right arm was in a cast. I held it up and said,
> "But do you have any special rolls for lefties?" *Then* she was
> speechless. Come to think of it, so was my buddy, and he's *used* to
> expecting the worst from me. :)
She was probably thinking ... he didn't wash that left hand, now,
did he?
nancy
Lou Decruss
<rjyn...@comcast.net> wrote:
>> I sometimes do stuff like this... be at the store and buy stuff that
>> are on sale and otherwise just don't seem to go together. No one has
>> ever commented, but I often wonder what the clerk thinks when they
>> ring me up.
>
>Like the time I needed to pick up some Liquid Plumber and
>toilet paper in a 20 pack happened to be on sale. Got some
>looks.
I once picked up some cheese, crackers, wine and condoms. The checker
bagged it up and said: "looks like I don't have to tell you to have a
good night."
Lou
Wayne Boatwright
LOL!
--
Wayne Boatwright
(correct the spelling of "geemail" to reply)
*******************************************
Date: Friday, 10(X)/03(III)/08(MMVIII)
*******************************************
Countdown till Veteran's Day
5wks 3dys 15hrs 32mins
*******************************************
To eat, or not to eat, hell! The
question is whom to eat.
Nancy Young
(laugh!) Certainly better than the night people thought I was
going to have.
Usually I get Making beef stew for dinner? or, stuffed peppers?
nancy
blake murphy
years ago, when condoms were nasty and hence not on the display shelves, a
common occasion for adolescent embarrassment having to ask the pharmacist
for your pack of trojans. my cousin came up with what i think was a unique
solution: he brought his girlfriend in with him, and they would discuss
whether they should get the latex or the sheepskin, or did she like the
ribbed ones that they used last time? usually the pharmacist ended up the
embarrassed party.
your pal,
blake
Dimitri
"blake murphy" <blakepm...@verizon.net> wrote in message
news:12ur0w385u0em$.1q6v8jhgdf1l8$.dlg@40tude.net...
> On Thu, 2 Oct 2008 10:28:30 -0700, Dimitri wrote:
>>
<snip>
>> Dimitri
>
> years ago, when condoms were nasty and hence not on the display shelves, a
> common occasion for adolescent embarrassment having to ask the pharmacist
> for your pack of trojans. my cousin came up with what i think was a
> unique
> solution: he brought his girlfriend in with him, and they would discuss
> whether they should get the latex or the sheepskin, or did she like the
> ribbed ones that they used last time? usually the pharmacist ended up the
> embarrassed party.
>
> your pal,
> blake
How I remember - I think it was a rite of passage the first time a boy goes
to the pharmacist.
Just about the same as the first time your SO/Wife/Etc. sends you out for
tampons.
Dimitri
Dimitri
George Shirley
men's room at the gas station - two for a quarter. Local beer joints had
the same deal.
No embarrassment in the second line, I had two older sisters and was
going to the store for them from about the time I could walk.
Blinky the Shark
> Blinky the Shark wrote:
>> Nancy Young wrote:
>
>> One time when I was at Coscto with my buddy, they had a big display of
>> toilet paper set up on an end cap (no pun intended), and some gal was
>> there pitching it to passers-by.
>
> Man, who'd she piss off? The other sample people give out
> crab dip and ravioli, she has to demonstrate toilet paper!
If she demonstrated it, I missed that part. :)