OT: Points to ponder...

[Elizabeth & Keith Falkner]

A friend in Venice sent this. He used to be a teacher, which explains a
lot:

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. A work station...

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with
battery?

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.

If a tin whistle is made out of tin, then what is a fog horn made out
of?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with,
"Quit while you're ahead"?

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm
in the bathroom.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the
carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the
lake.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The
thief spends less than my wife did.

1) I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. And
just forget it cause, tomorrow isn't looking good either.

2) Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.

3) Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

4) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

5) Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

6) Does vacuuming count as Aerobic Exercise?

7) Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places.

8) Time is Nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't go
wrong all at once.

9) The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win,
you're still a rat.

10) I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got
the guts to bite people themselves.

11) If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

12) There's no speed limit on the Information Superhighway.

13) It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.

14) There are two rules for ultimate success in life. Never tell
everything you know.

15) Do unto others, then run..................

* Raising teenagers is like trying to nail jello to a tree.

* There is always something to be thankful for if you take time to
look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is
that wrinkles don't hurt.

*Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an
aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

* The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant
atmosphere...and let the air out of their tires.

*Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.

*Families are like fudge: Mostly sweet with a few nuts in it.

*Today's mighty oak was just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

*Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

*Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

*My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

*The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

*If you can remain calm, you just don't have all of the facts.

*Life's golden age is when the kids are too old for a baby-sitter and
too young to borrow the family car.

*Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse will
happen to you all day.

Elizabeth
Never a dull moment...even when I want one.