Iny New Year's Resolutions???
Existential Angst
I got a few.
1. I'm not going to allow The Family to slaughter live steer in the living
room any more -- mostly cuz I can't take the chanting, and cuz even with the
center drain in the newly-tiled floor, dat shit ain't easy to clean up.
2. When I throw my cats in snow drifts, I will throw them in drifts not so
deep that I have to dig them out with a shovel.
3. That I will pull my cats' tails no more than once per hour.
4. That I will never piss in the sink -- not that I ever have, just saying
that I never will.
5. That if I ever do piss in a sink, it will be in my newly patented
Bachelor Sink, with the front lip and mini-flushometer -- green indeed, if
only from the corroding brass.....
6. That I will from hereonin spell "muthafucka" correckly:
muhfugguh......
7. I will no longer refer to the Wife's family collectively as "the
shitboxes" -- at least not audibly.
8. (a) I will no longer bring metal splinters into the bed.
(b) If I do, *I* will pull them out of my Wife's ass, instead of
making her go to the ER.
9. I promise promise promise that this is the year my video and book, You
Too Can SYOD to a Wealthier and Healthier You will be published.
10. If it's the last fukn thing I do, even if it requires hypnosis and
goddamm drugs, I'm going to CANCEL that goddamm fukn CableVision, and make
do with effing Antenna TV.
It just ASSTOUNDS me how I not only shove a fukn mindnumbing and
mind-fucking needle into my own already poorly-functioning brain, day after
fucking day, but I ***PAY*** fucking $60 a month for the fucking
privilege...... simply asstounding....
Oh,
11. When I pimp out Jon Banquer (the
thieving/inept/disruptive/secret-selling employee of Qualcomm), for extree
side cash, I promise from now on not to arger so much with the clients who
want partial refunds.
OK, dats it. I'll keep you posted on my muthafucking progress.
Gotta go, cuz a new Gangland is coming up on History, and the phone is
ringing -- I think it's an irate client wanting their money back again, cuz
jb wound up biting them again.
Sheeit, ahm not givin that client a dime.
--
EA, hopefully PV'd in at least different, more inneresting ways in 2010 than
in 2009.