OT- A brief history of French Military Victories
Gunner
Victories
HUMOR: The History of Majestic French Military Victories .
. . or not . . .
So, the French still aren't on board with us spanking
Iraq. Oh, boo hoo! Let's take a look at the mighty French
military prowess, shall we?
Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the
next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by
of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female
schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of
French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when
not led by a Frenchman."
Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only
country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars
of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War - France is technically not a
participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a
tie on the basis that eventually the other participants
started ignoring her.
War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red
flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War - Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and
Indian War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row
induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the
period as the height of French military power.
War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave
the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they
have loved every since.
American Revolution - In a move that will become quite
familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even
though the English colonists saw far more action. This is
later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the
Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when
America does most of the fighting."
French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the
opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember
the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who
ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the
role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on
a Saturday night.
World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is
saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find
out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but
one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use
of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement
in the French bloodline.
World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the
United States and Britain just as they finish learning the
Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness,
take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.
Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of
a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the
Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare:
"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to
the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans,
English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent
history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be
safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail
after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the
French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but
rather "How long until France surrenders, once again
"A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity."
Sigmund Freud, "General Introduction to Psychoanlysis", 1952
napoleon
airplanes?
napoleon
On Tue, 11 Feb 2003 04:51:52 GMT, Gunner <gun...@lightspeed.net>
wrote:
PLAlbrecht
>how many french skyscrapers have been destroyed by air france
>airplanes?
Dunno, but what's the difference between an Airbus and a chainsaw?
The Airbus can cut down 300 trees a minute. And the chainsaw, well...
Pete
Ed Huntress
news:3e4a4d28...@powernews.libero.it...
> how many french skyscrapers have been destroyed by air france
> airplanes?
WHAT French skyscrapers? If the planes that hit the World Trade Center had
been aimed at the Tour Maine Montparnasse, they would have flown over its
roof by 31 stories.
> napoleon
Don't blow your bone apart, napoleon. It's just a joke.
Ed Huntress
jim rozen
says...
>Dunno, but what's the difference between an Airbus and a chainsaw?
Now pete. Ya gotta get these things right the first time.
"What's the difference between an airbus and a husquavarna?"
"About 300 trees per minute!"
Jim
===================================
please reply to:
JRR(zero) at watson dot ibm dot com
===================================
Dave W
news:350h4vc4r2vqgeofc...@4ax.com:
> Subject: Brief history of Majestic French Military
> Victories
>
<snip>
>
> The question for any country silly enough to count on the
> French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but
> rather "How long until France surrenders, once again
>
The French have already surrendered to the Germans without a single shot
being fired.
<old joke>
For sale: FAMAS rifle, never fired, dropped once.
--
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Stan Stelmach
in a new McDonald there...
and keep up good job of creating good friends
"Gunner" <gun...@lightspeed.net> wrote in message
news:350h4vc4r2vqgeofc...@4ax.com...
doofus
> Subject: Brief history of Majestic French Military
> Victories
>
My my ... here's positive proof that if you can get enough
keyboards into enough chimpanzee cages a certain number of
them will learn to post on Usenet.
MarkC
Surf-dude
Huh, with a handle like "doofus", I wonder who is the chimp...???
Gunner's joke is funny as hell, and a welcome change from the
usual run of postings.
Lighten up!
In a similar vein, ever wonder why most of the roadways in France are
tree-lined?
It's so the tanks of whichever country happens to be invading them
can drive in the shade!
PLAlbrecht
tree-lined?
>> It's so the tanks of whichever country happens to be invading them
can drive in the shade!
Steve McQueen allegedly used this one during the filming of the movie "Le
Mans." He kept getting invited to local dignitaries' houses for dinner and he
was getting tired of it. So one night, while everybody around the table was
coming up with ever more flowery and elaborate toasts, he stood up and said
"Why is the Champs d'Elysees lined with trees? So the Germans could march in
the shade."
It solved the problem of not being left alone in the evenings.
Pete
eberlein
sale. "Excellent Condition - Only Dropped Once."
Mike Eberlein
Tom
So some gun sellers are more ignorant than others?
The "Lebel" rifle was introduced in 1886... Do you
think they were still the front-line French weapon
in 1940?
I hope the gun sellers at that show were just as
consistent when selling K98 Mausers?
Tom
MarkC
our congressmen.
The American asked if he spoke German. Mr. French said "no"........
Mr. American said "you're welcome". :-)
PLAlbrecht
If it isn't an urban legend, it was probably House majority leader Tom DeLay,
R-Tex.
http://www.evote.com/index.asp?Page=/players_section/playerscontents.asp
See #6.
Another.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A59326-2003Feb11.html
DeLay is trying a more personal approach. "I was at a celebration of India's
Independence Day," he told reporters, "and a Frenchman came walking up to me
and started talking to me about Iraq, and it was obvious we were not going to
agree. And I said, 'Wait a minute. Do you speak German?' And he looked at me
kind of funny and said, 'No, I don't speak German.' And I said, 'You're
welcome,' turned around and walked off."
Pete
doofus
Typical stupid fucking asshole. France won the Revolutionary War
for America. Maybe Mr Delay would like to be paying taxes to Queen
Elizabeth.
eberlein
see: http://www.geocities.com/milsurpunderground/French.html
The Lebel was used thru WWII in France. "Front Line" might be a misnomer,
however. <g>
Mike Eberlein
Tom
You have yet to provide the time when the "Lebel" was purportedly
"dropped". As for the the Lebel was used through WWII, what
does this mean? It was a reserve weapon by then. Perhaps
consulting W H B Smith on the subject might be more fruitful.
And the Mausers?
Tom
Werner J. Severin
ha...@pacbell.net (doofus) wrote:
> France won the Revolutionary War
> for America.
Provided aid, yes, but "won," that's a stretch.
Peter Michaud
> for America. Maybe Mr Delay would like to be paying taxes to Queen
> Elizabeth.
It is curious that a colonial power and unalloyed monarchy such as
France would be interested in promoting the establishment of an
independent and a [what would be, by all evidence] non-monarchic
America. The reason must have been (and I'm no historian) that they
would do *anything* to make problems for England---including what was
against their own interest in the longer run: the promotion of
colonial uprising and the de-establishment of the monarchical
principle.
So, when the the association between Saadam Hussein and Al Quaeda is
denied by various parties, as being illogical---since Saadam is a
secular 'leader', and Osama is religiously motivated (as he claims)
and violently against the principle of secularism---there is at least
one major historical precedent to disprove that logic.
"The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend."
PLAlbrecht
>> for America.
>Provided aid, yes, but "won," that's a stretch.
No point arguing with Hammy. The coffee can exhaust on his riceburner fried his
synapses ages ago. But an equally (in)valid case can be made that Poland
(Tadeusz Kosciusko) or Prussia (von Steuben) won the American Revolution.
Pete
eberlein
http://www.wwiitechpubs.com/barrack/inf-francaise/inf-fr-rfl-1916-M34/inf-fr-rfl-1916-M34-br.html
"Overview
The Armée de Terre (French Army) hoarded its outdated equipment; it seemed to discard
nothing. At the time
of the German Blitzkrieg attack on France, the Armée de Terre was equipped with a
variety of rifles, a large
amount of which were left over from the World War I arsenal and some that even dated
back to the previous
century."
http://www.geocities.com/milsurpunderground/French.html
"..Amazingly, the Lebel remained in service for nearly sixty more years and saw use in
France's
old colonies into the mid fifties. It served Vichi troops well into WWII. All this
from a rifle that was more or
less antiquated by 1900. In an attempt to update the design the French produced the
Berthier."
From "Small Arms of the World", 10th Edition, p.361(Joseph H. Smith and W. H. B.
Smith):
"..Rifle M1866, M93,
...This rifle, commonly called the Lebel, was introduced in 1886 to use a new 8mm
cartridge loaded with the then revolutionary smokeless powder of Paul Vielle.... It
was still in limited service in World War II, while numerous rifles were built around
many spare parts of the 86/93."
Here are 3 sources that claim the Lebel was used "in service" in WWII and beyond.
Provide some contrary sources that refute this. The original post was offered as a
joke. If it offended you, you are way too sensitive, plus your assertions are wrong.
Mike Eberlein
doofus
Nope, it's the facts. From a biography of George Washington :
" After the battle of Monmouth, in 1778, he did not fight another
battle for three years, chiefly because of want of guns, clothing
and ammunition for his men. In the meantime the British raided
the coast of Connecticut, burning and destroying. Arnold's treason
almost succeeded, in which case all would have been lost. The
British invaded and conquered Georgia and the Carolinas. They
subdued the inhabitants with great cruelty, and were about to
subject Virginia to the same fate. The real Providence of Washington
and the country manifested itself in the form of French assistance.
At Yorktown in 1781, Washington, with 9,000 of his own troops,
General Rochambeau with 7,000 French soldiers, Admiral De Grasse
with 42 French ships of the line and 19,000 French seamen, surrounded
Lord Cornwallis, who had an inferior force, and compelled him to
surrender. This would not have been possible had Thomas Paine and
John Laurens not journeyed to France in February, 1781, and on
August 25 returned to Boston with a shipload of clothing, arms
and ammunition,and 2,500,000 livres of silver, to clothe Washington's
ragged and unpaid soldiers and place in their hands arms fit to
use in battle."
Check the numbers : 9,000 colonials : 7,000 well-equipped
professional French soldiers and 19,000 French sailors on forty-two
warships which cut the English off from retreat or reinforcement.
Clothes, weapons, food all from France. Sorry I've lost the title,
but it's no secret. No France = no United States. Tell THAT to the
brainless dickheads prattling on about 'what France owes the US"
or "French military victories." Well, ONE of the French military
victories is the one which created the united States, so perhaps
Mr Delay should shove his fat ignorant head a little farther up
his own stinking asshole. That's where he keeps it anyway, but
maybe with another six inches of insertion his moronic statements
would be muffled a little better.
eberlein
Mike Eberlein
Alan wrote:
> Fucks sakes, you got the sense of humour of a stuffed goat.
> ---
> Alan
eberlein
Mike Eberlein
Alan wrote:
> On Mon, 17 Feb 2003 09:00:51 +1300, Tom <tma...@xtra.co.nz> wrote:
>
Tom
I'll put it plainly, 54 years after it was introduced, some may have
surrendered, your relatives surrendered all of their Mausers twice
in 27 years...
I can't help it if you can't comprehend plain English, I suppose it's
a in your genes.
Tom
--
Tom
M/shop info & old machine tools.
http://shopswarf.orcon.net.nz
Tom
> ---
> Alan
Going on your grammar, you wouldn't have the wit of a stuffed goat.
Tom
PLAlbrecht
DON'T BRING GOATS INTO THIS!!! Sheesh, by now we should know, there's people
real sensitive about their significant others, regardless of how often they get
stuffed.
Besides, by now it should be obvious to all that Tom Martin doesn't have so
much a brain as a tripwire between the ears.
Pete
eberlein
Temper, temper. Not only do you not have a sense of humor, you again have asserted something without ANY knowledge of facts. While my last name is indeed German, no one in my family history ever carried a Mauser into battle. Paternal great-grandfather fought in US Civil War, grandfather attended the Naval Academy (circa 1901, missed WWI), father and all uncles served in WWII (pacific theater, as was the custom then for persons with German last names), I served in US Army, and have a nephew currently in US Navy. One maternal side, I decended from Irish immigrants that arrived in the US around 1848.
Mike Eberlein (I own a couple of 98 Mausers. Nice rifles)
Tom
Tut tut, where's your sense of humour?
doofus
> >> France won the Revolutionary War
> >> for America.
>
> >Provided aid, yes, but "won," that's a stretch.
>
> No point arguing with Hammy. The coffee can exhaust on his riceburner
Sorry, never owned a rice rocket. Vincent, two XR-750's, and
an RR-250, but nothing Japanese. I rode a Honda once, tho.
You might as well say, "No use arguing with the facts."
The 26,000 French men and 42 French ships plus the French
weapons, food, and clothing were all secondary to the 9,000
total Americans at Saratoga. The Brits had conquered New
England and the South and were engaged in wiping up the
remaining rebels when the French arrived. Uh-hunh, France
barely assisted in the American Independence ... fool.
Grimm
Q: How many Frechman does it take to defend Paris?
A: Don't know....It's never been done.
alphonso
article??
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doofus
> Just curious. How do quote an article and not know the name of said
> article??
>
Do you mean the info on Washington and the revolution ?
Came from a book some time ago. Surprised me at the time,
too. At the time you think "heck, I can remember where I
got that." Then it sits on your hard drive for a year ...
or two ... or three. If you don't run Windows, files hang
around a long time :-)
Anyway, the numbers aren't any big secret - except to
the chimpanzees around here sneering at the French. Go
to a reallibrary and look through some historical works
on the Revolution. The numbers are all there, no one
who's looked even skin-deep into the Revolution denies
the American debt to France. We may owe them another one
right now, for stopping Bush'es ludicrous megalomaniacal
shot at World Domination.
It's not taught in junior high, same as the way Japanese
school texts don't like to mention Pearl Harbour. If it
doesn't fit the myths, school textbooks skim right over
the top. French "assistance" my ass. They won the war.
In fact, I vaguely remember that Cornwallis wanted to
surrender to the French but Lafayette was gracious and
generous enough to insist that the English surrender to
Washington. That, and they probably wanted to rub the
Brits' nose in the loss :-)
A fine reward for their courtesy .... seems that we have
more than our share of ignorant assholes in the US.
doofus
> Just curious. How do quote an article and not know the name of said
> article??
>
http://www.ai.mit.edu/people/sfelshin/saintonge/frhist.html
-------
While maintaining formal neutrality, France assisted in
supplying arms, uniforms and other military supplies to the
American colonists.
This clandestine assistance became open after the defeat
of General Burgoyne at Saratoga in 1777, which demonstrated
the possibility of British defeat in the conflict and led
to French recognition of the colonies in February 1778. As
a result of the victory of the Continental forces at Saratoga,
Benjamin Franklin, who had gone to Paris as ambassador in 1776,
was able to negotiate a Treaty of Amity and Commerce and a
Treaty of Alliance with France. From this point, French support
became increasingly significant. The French extended considerable
financial support to the Congressional forces. France also
supplied vital military arms and supplies, and loaned money to
pay for their purchase. French military aid was also a decisive
factor in the American victory. French land and sea forces fought
on the side of the American colonists against the British.
From the perspective of the American Revolution, however, the
high point of French support is the landing of five battalions
of French infantry and artillery in Rhode Island in 1780. In
1781, these French troops under the command of Count Rochambeau
marched south to Virginia where they joined Continental forces
under Washington and Lafayette. Cornwallis, encamped on the
Yorktown peninsula, hoped to be rescued by the British navy.
A French fleet under the command of Admiral DeGrasse intercepted
and, after a fierce battle lasting several days, defeated the
British fleet and forced it to withdraw. This left the French
navy to land heavy siege cannon and other supplies and trapped
Cornwallis on the Yorktown peninsula.
At that point, the defeat of Cornwallis was essentially a
matter of time. On September 14, 1781, the French and
Continental armies completed their 700 mile march and soon
thereafter laid siege to the British positions. After a number
of weeks and several brief but intense engagements, Cornwallis,
besieged on the peninsula by the large and well-equipped French-
American army, and stricken by dysentery, determined to surrender
his army. On October 19, 1781, the British forces marched out
between the silent ranks of the Americans and French, arrayed
in parallel lines a mile long, and cast down their arms.
Abbé Robin, who witnessed the surrender, described the victorious
American and French forces present at the ceremony. "Among the
Americans, the wide variety in age -- 12 to 14-year old children
stood side by side with grandfathers -- the absence of uniformity
in their bearing and their ragged clothing made the French allies
appear more splendid by contrast. The latter, in their immaculate
white uniforms and blue braid, gave an impression of martial vigor
despite their fatigue.
George Woodbridge summed up the Yorktown campaign in the following
words: "The strategy of the campaign was Rochambeau's; the French
fleet was there as a result of his arrangements; the tactics of the
battle were his; the American army was present because he had lent
money to Washington; in total naval and military participants the
French outnumbered the Americans between three and four to one.
Yorktown was Rochambeau's victory.
----
In case you've forgotten, Yorktown was the crux of the biscuit
for the Revolution ... after that the British were pretty much
broken, so I guess maybe we could remember at least THIS French
military victory ?
alphonso
>
> Do you mean the info on Washington and the revolution ?
> Came from a book some time ago. Surprised me at the time,
> too. At the time you think "heck, I can remember where I
> got that." Then it sits on your hard drive for a year ...
> or two ... or three. If you don't run Windows, files hang
> around a long time :-)
I wasn't questioning the facts. I just thought it odd that you quoted
something but couldn't attribute it. Your explanation is logical, and I
have done the same thing --- numerous times!
doofus
>
> I wasn't questioning the facts. I just thought it odd that you quoted
> something but couldn't attribute it.
Incipient Alzheimer's. It's all that damned aluminum :-)
Hoyt McKagen
A: Undetermined, it has never been tried.
Regards,
Hoyt McKagen
Belfab CNC - http://www.freeyellow.com/members/belfab/belfab.html
Best MC Repair - http://www.freeyellow.com/members/batwings/best.html
Camping/Caving - http://www.freeyellow.com/members/batwings/caving.html
My dog drove off in my pickup truck, but left my wife behind!!
eberlein
at the recycling center."
Mike Eberlein
eberlein
Corilios force question. When you flush a toilet, which way does it swirl where
you live?. Here in the Northern Hemisphere if swirls counter-clockwise. I've
been told it goes the opposite direction down under. Is that correct?
Mike Eberlein (no more French jokes)
Tim Williams
news:3E52D8DA...@charter.net...
> Tom,
>
> Corilios force question. When you flush a toilet, which way does it swirl
where
> you live?. Here in the Northern Hemisphere if swirls counter-clockwise.
I've
> been told it goes the opposite direction down under. Is that correct?
In such a small device as a toilet, the Coriolis force is insignificant.
Construction, such as the direction the jets at the rim of the bowl point,
would make a much greater difference.
As a matter of fact, see The Flying Circus of Physics WITH ANSWERS
by Jearl Walker, our copy is (C) 1977 or so, so you might have trouble
finding it? In any case, it's chock full of great physics problems.
Tim
P.S. And can we possibly have more RCM in the headers!? Maybe ten
would be enough...
--
"Hey, back in high school I was voted most likely to be a Hillbilly,
mental patient or Chimpanzee!"
- Homer Simpson