OT- About me and Husband - Long
Empress Beads
getting along at all. He is never one to bring up conversation that he is
unhappy in our relationship. I am always the one who has to sit down and
have "the talk." EVERYTIME. He ingnores me by playing video games and
watching TV.
I wrote in a previous post that he stole $10,000 from our family budget when
I first found out that I was pregnant with my now 3 year old DD. So I
wanted to try to make it work. He promised he would pay back the money. He
never has done anything to repay that money back.
I do everything in the house clean, dishes, cooking you name it I do it. I
usually have to ask and beg his help to get all of those things done. Every
once in a while he will do it free will.
That is why I had to quit my day job. Because I wasn't coming home until
after 6:00pm. I never got a lunch break and I had to come home and do all
of those things plus give DD a bath and whatever else she needed for the
night.
OK now to the point. We can get by on the salary he makes, but barely. We
need to scrimp and save were ever possible. To allow me to stay at home
with DD. With my business I supply money for food and diapers and whatever
else DD and I need.
Husband (i just can't use DH) {unless D stands for Dumbass} has always had a
problem with money. For three months he received a bonus over $1000. I was
so excited I thought Wow this is great. This will last us for the rest of
the year and we now have extra for Christmas! Upon looking at the finances
he is again spending from savings. I wondered how that was possible since
we just got a gift of $3,000+. He has been spending money on Magazines,
CD's, Videos, Video Games, whatever he wants to buy. (We have 1000's of
movies CD, video's, Games. So all the money is gone. He has been lying to
me this whole time. I have had this discussion with him several times in
the past. He said he will change, he said he will try to pay the money
back. I just don't believe him. Now I am supposed to take over the family
finances. I do everything else already!
So the thought keeps occuring "Why don't I just live on my own and do
everything else!" and not get so pissed off when it doesn't get done.
He has take DD with him to the store to sell some of his CD's that he is
able to get rid of. This is the first thing that he has tried to do on his
own to show me that he will pay the money back. Gosh when I think what that
money could have bought. A new bed, new kitchen floor (ours started
peeling so we ripped it up. we now have concrete) a new TV (the one in the
den just busted), nicer furniture, a new car. It really starts to tick me
off to see how much better off I would be with out him.
I still am not sure of what to do. I know that I took vows in front of God
(for better or worse, for richer or poorer) . Well now I am worse and
poorer. Let me tell you I am not happy about my choice. I and I know that
I had a choice.
I don't know what to do. I just wanted everyone here to hear my story. That
is what I have been going through since at least September 1. I want to
make a final decision by November.
I don't think I have ever posted anything this long here before.
I hope to hear what ever advice you would like to share with me.
Karen_AZ
I've been in your boat. I'd tell you chapter & verse but I'm under a time
crunch to get auctions ready to go (it's been one of those days where
nothing went the way I planned LOL). All I can say is I feel your pain in
so many ways! (Ask Becki, she saw me up close and personal).
But here's the deal...You are stronger than you think you are!!! I can hear
it in what you're already saying (it took me forever to get to that point).
Have faith in YOU because nobody else will do it as well. And there's a
freaky kind of pleasure in coping when you KNOW you're the only game in
town. Yeah, there's nobody else to blame, BUT you also get ALL the pats on
the back!
Email me any time you want. I'm cheering for you in so many ways! I got OUT,
got my kids and myself taken care of, we're all thriving, and I even found
someone wonderful as an added bonus.
Hugs, beads, and lots of good vibes,
KarenK
LC aka Fiddy
opinion, your husband's actions come really close to violating that covenant,
and if that happens, the contract is broken.
A man who would let his wife stand on a concrete floor to feed her family (let
alone all the other crappy things he's done) gets my goat.
I wish you the very best of luck, you have some hard thinking and hard work
ahead of you. Don't be afraid to see a professional if the two of you need
help sorting it all out...your little one deserves that much!
The Blessed Fiddy, Patroness Saint of the Disorganized
LC in Sunny So Cal
Personality Development Specialist (Full-Time Mom!)
Cheri2Star
husband and if I wasn't sick, might also be divorced from the second. So I
know where you're coming from.
I don' t think it's a bad idea for you to take over the family finances, if you
can get the debit and credit cards away from him. I also would start selling
some of those games and CD's. Why not, you're already on Ebay!
If you leave him, you will probably have to go back to work full time. If you
can deal with that, then I say go for it.
Before my DD left her putz of a DH, she said to me, "all I want is a nice day.
That's all I want." My heart broke for her, but she did it with two little
kids and she needed some help from her daddy, but she still did it. Now she
has met and married someone wonderful who treats her and the kids like they are
gold.
Personally, I think your husband is clinically depressed. He is shopping in an
effort to feel better. If you can get him to go to a doctor, you might find
the guy you married again. JMHO
Whatever you decide, you know you have our love and support.
Cheri
(Bubbee to Emily and Nathan)
starlia
He would just blow threw money and my entire check was to pay for bills. It
really pissed me off. Then for several years we had separate accounts.
Guess who still paid for bills. Yeah, at least no more bounced checks.
(One landed me in jail for a walk through.) After we had our huge blow out
I finally gave him one more chance. There was more to it than money...like
another woman...his mother. Since that time I have been pretty happy.
Things are never perfect but I'm happy and we don't have the same problems
any more. However, it took almost too much to get there.
Do what feels right for you and your daughter. In the end the children are
what matters the most.
--
Starlia Klopman
www.klopmanstudios.com
"Karen_AZ" <desertd...@coxnospam.net> wrote in message
news:wj44d.288006$Lj.39909@fed1read03...
Helen C
least all we're able to every month) We don't have much to work with so it's
not so bad. Is this a "guy thing"? (before I get jumped - not ALL guys!)
And does yours like to give stuff (that you just might be using) away to
people in order to make a good impression? I just LOVE that one (never
understood having to "buy" friends. Just be yourself and let it go. If
they like you, they like you. If not, BFD!)
You have to do what you NEED to do for the health and saneness of everyone
involved. Your DD and you first, of course. Wouldn't it be nice if you
could just have complete control over the finances? But then you probably
end up with a grown man whining "I made the money, why can't I spend it?"
And rather than have the long drawn out discussion, give in and move on.
And make do. Or just do. And wonder why you're tired all the time? (BTDT)
I know this probably didn't help much but I just wanted to let you know
you're not the only head cook and bottle washer/mommy - doer of EVERYTHING
out there (I have a sign in my kitchen "Nobody notices what I do untile I
DON'T do it!)
Later,
Helen C
scott
"Cheri2Star" <cheri...@aol.comstars> wrote in message
news:20040921213635...@mb-m19.aol.com...
> Personally, I think your husband is clinically depressed. He is shopping
in an
> effort to feel better. If you can get him to go to a doctor, you might
find
> the guy you married again. JMHO
I think that may be the problem also. Hi Cheri.
scott
"Empress Beads" <sa...@empressbeads.com> wrote in message
news:4150cd45$0$3553$45be...@newscene.com...
> Well I had not mentioned it here yet. But my husband and I had not been
> getting along at all. He is never one to bring up conversation that he is
Amy, I told my better half about what you were putting up with. You dont
know me, but you are always welcome here in Houston.
I hope things work out.
Scott
Beadbimbo
I'm so sorry, Amy. Would he be willing to go to counseling or see a dr.
about possibly being depressed?
--
Jerri
www.beadbimbo.com
Marisa2
I am so sorry.
It sounds like your problems run a lot deeper then money so maybe this
isn't helpful.
But my DH and I were not happy with where our finances are, me in
particular. I used to earn a fair amount of money so we didn't go into
debt, but weren't saving as much as we wanted. DH has been trying to
get a BA and working part-time jobs, so I had been the primary income
earner (now I am going back to school so our roles are switched, or will
be when he gets a job in the place we moved to. Which BTW is a struggle).
We went around and around about the money issue and although we agreed
in principle about wanting to save money it never seemed to happen. I
got lots of advice from people about cutting up credit and debit cards
(or freezing them in a block of ice), paying only cash for things
(Easier to see it go), and lots of other techniques. I asked DH many
times to try them. We started many times on a budget. He always had a
problem with the specific mechanism. Frankly a lot of our problems I
think had to do with his ADD and both of our tendencies to procrastinate.
Once I decided to go for my PhD we really sat down and did a budget.
Now we each get $50 spending money a month, in cash. Also the food
budget is a certain amount per month, and so on. Anything that isn't in
a specific category (like "food", which refers specifically to grocery
items, not random cups of coffee - we're on our own for those types of
items) has to come out of our own spending money.
Most of our money is locked in a savings acct, and we both agree when
tho take money out and add it to the checking account (you can have the
bank set it up this way although we didn't).
This has really worked for us.
I actually find it liberating. I used to feel guilty every time I spent
anything, and would either deny myself stupid things, or waste money
without noticing it on dribs and drabs (and, er, BEADS). Now, I have
exactly my $50 and I don't have to feel guilty if I go out to lunch with
a friend; if I use it up, I won't have it any more that month and that
is my desision, it doesn't get our family budget into trouble.
The coolest thing of all is that DH, who from what I can tell has never
done this before, has actually started saving up his monthly "allowance"
(we don't call it that btw) for things he wants, like a new printer or
whatever. He has always been good about getting things with good
discounts or rebates, but now instead of buying something BECAUSE it has
a discount or rebate, he figures out he wants something, THEN waits for
the good discount, then gets it.
In the months before I quit my old job we saved at least twice as much
as we had saved previously. Now that we're living off of savings I'm
nervous but we're in a whole lot better shape then we would've been!
Hope this idea helps you or at least someone.
marisa2
Barbara Forbes-Lyons
deal with the lack-of-childcare issue, I was beadshopping like mad and now
find myself needing to offload inventory. The lure of a 'new thing' is
powerful when you are depressed.
I think counseling, individual and couples, might be a good avenue to
pursue.
"scott" <t...@intertex.net> wrote in message
news:0uKdnUxlY4F...@intertex.net...
Marisa2
I guess now I know how I ended up somehow spending thousands of dollars
on bead-related items last year... no idea why I ever thought I wanted
them. No coincidence with what was going on (going off anti-depressants
that were driving me crazy etc.)
If you don't mind my asking, why are you going off Lexapro?
marisa2
Tinkster
wrote:
>If you don't mind my asking, why are you going off Lexapro?
Interestingly, I was doing a little research on Lexapro today. I've
been taking Celexa for a few years with pretty good success, but the
doc has talked about switching me over. I figure if it ain't broke,
don't fix it. But I guess the manufacturer is kind of planning to
phase out Celexa in favor of Lexapro or something. Lexapro is simply a
more powerful, re-engineered version of Celexa. They did something to
the molecule in Celexa that addresses depression.
Tink
Check here for available work:
http://blackswampglassworks.com/latest.htm
~Candace~
ANd I know it's plenty easy for all of us to say/suggest things, and a hell
of a lot harder for you to decide on a course. Here's my opinion anyways.
"For better or for worse" does not translate into "For abuse and neglect,
for emotional damage and constant endangerment"
By his actions he is abusing you--mentally and emotionally, what with the
ignoring you and disregarding of your input into the way things should/could
be.
All of this is causing emotional damage that shines thru very clearly in
what you've said, and what you haven't said. He endangers you and your DD
by constantly spending the little money you do have on things you don't
need--what if an emergency happened and you suddenly needed that 3 grand for
it? What if he takes it even further and one day yuou realize there is no
money for food/bills, etc, etc?
I don't hold with abuse of any kind, and what I see here is intolerable to
me. I can't imagine the strength you must possess in order to deal with it
every day. *hugggs*
--
~Candace~
Orphan Beads ~low cost and bartering for the financially challenged beader~
http://snipurl.com/6s4t
Princess Auctions ~please see for most current updates and auction
information~
http://snipurl.com/8s8o
Karen_AZ
>did something to
the molecule in Celexa that addresses depression.<
Color me skeptical but what they probably did was move the molecule that
addresses a longer patent. It's happening all over. I could breathe and stay
awake with Claritin (hallelujiah!). The patent wore out and ta-da, they came
out with Clarinex. Same song, different key, 10 more years' patent. But
curiously, the now-OTC Claritin works just a tad faster, longer and better.
Paying OTC sucks when you're on a good prescription plan.
KarenK (the ever cynical)
Barbara Forbes-Lyons
After a year on the Lexapro, in combination with some talk therapy, my
therapist, doctor and I decided that I was ready to give it a 'go' w/o the
chemical assistance. I was having some side affects from the Lexapro that
were impacting my life negatively, so that was an issue now. I'm doing
pretty well, considering the hugely stressful few weeks I've had. From the
research I've done ( and recently confirmed in the news), starting
antidepressants and weaning off antidepressants are the times when folks may
feel at their worst. That certainly was the case for me - and I bead shopped
to make myself feel better. Granted, I did purchase things that I can use,
should I ever get the time to make stuff, but it was definitely money I
should not have spent.
Anyhow - now that I've got it out of my system for good, and my thyroid is
being kept on track, I feel pretty good and I am able to concentrate on
making those changes to my life that need to be done in order to completely
heal, not just from the PPD, but from some things that happened to me in my
childhood.
"Marisa2" <mw...@NOSPAM.hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:WK64d.6599$Qv5....@newssvr33.news.prodigy.com...
Jim Redden
All men are not like that, I know I'm one of them. there are women out there
just as bad ( my exwife ) put me $67K in the hole in 6 months. I got free
and wound up with a high school sweetheart and acted foolish as far as money
for awhile. I was given a choice either straighten up or get the hell out!
Maybe you need to set a few ground rules with him, like what were given to
me. IF he values you and your child he will do it, it might be hard but
encurouge ( damn hooked on phonics didn't work for me!)and direct him. And
basicly teach him what to plan for and save for.
Worked for me.
Good luck and hope everything works out!
Jim Redden
jred...@rochester.rrDOTcom
"Empress Beads" <sa...@empressbeads.com> wrote in message
news:4150cd45$0$3553$45be...@newscene.com...
Karen_AZ
"For better or for worse" does not translate into "For abuse and neglect,
for emotional damage and constant endangerment"<
I sooo wish you'd had this embossed on a clue by four about 10 years
ago!!!!!
KarenK
~Candace~
similiar to Amy's.
"Karen_AZ" <desertd...@coxnospam.net> wrote in message
news:5t74d.288046$Lj.243724@fed1read03...
Marisa2
> On Wed, 22 Sep 2004 03:57:42 GMT, Marisa2 <mw...@NOSPAM.hotmail.com>
> wrote:
>
>
>>If you don't mind my asking, why are you going off Lexapro?
>
>
> Interestingly, I was doing a little research on Lexapro today. I've
> been taking Celexa for a few years with pretty good success, but the
> doc has talked about switching me over. I figure if it ain't broke,
> don't fix it. But I guess the manufacturer is kind of planning to
> phase out Celexa in favor of Lexapro or something. Lexapro is simply a
> more powerful, re-engineered version of Celexa. They did something to
> the molecule in Celexa that addresses depression.
>
I've been relatively satisfied with Lexepro.
Everything else I've taken, including something else in the same
"family", has resulted in some kind of torture to me (and those around
me of course)
I kind of think the Lexepro is zapping my creativity and my memory and
concentration somewhat (though I can't convince the doctor of that).
However the effects are less extreem then the others. And no bad
stomache problems, twinges, shaking, or any of that other good stuff.
marisa2
Marisa2
It sounds like you did and are doing the right thing.
marisa2
Karen_AZ
Jim's right, all men are NOT like that. My darling wonderful Mike is very
careful with money. He's not miserly or mean, but he's ruthlessly practical
and I adore him for it. Right now, this very minute (and we're not even
married yet, just living together) I/we have MORE money saved than I had
over the entire time I was married to my ex. I came to my marriage with $12K
saved up....gone in less than a year and never ever restored.
Mike is my godsend. He's who/what I've wanted/needed for
years.....self-discipline that spills over onto me, but still willing to
have fun (moneywise) when it's appropriate. My ex had the sense of fun, but
no clue about what was appropriate when. And he would turn around and blame
me ("I couldn't tell you no") even though at the times in question he was
theoretically responsible for making the financial decisions. (After a lot
of chest-beating because I wouldn't "let" him have the responsibility.)
Here's what I learned after trying hard to live a life of "should." Do what
makes YOU feel safe and secure. If that means leaving, make plans and go. If
that means staying and working it out, do your very best to make it work.
Communication is absolutely essential. Accusation won't work. Stating things
like "This is how I feel when 'X' happens" is fine; "You did this and it
sucks because...." is not. And learning how to "fight fair" is incredibly
important. Stick to one topic, get it settled. Choose your battles very
wisely. And if you feel like all you're getting is squishy sounds when you
beat your head against the wall, start making plans to get yourself away and
safe and ready to start over.
More hugs, liberally beaded of course,
KarenK
Cheryl
he is a compulsive SPENDER
you need to get him into counseling
Tell him - for his sake, and the sake of the family - he is going to become a
"Japanese Husband" --
explanation -
TAKE AWAY HIS CREDIT CARDS
His CHECK BOOK.
to prevent him from going to the bank -- go with him there - and tell them you
want his signature authority removed from all accounts. Explain to the bank
manager that he has a spending illness, and that you are trying to get it under
control... that you will be the ONLY authorized signatory on all checks and
credit card statements.
Then - give him a DAILY - and I mean DAILY cash allowance for food and
gasoline.
Tell him - he does NOT get anything else.
Tell him if he does not agree to these terms and the counseling - that the
marriage is over.
If you are afraid to do the above just yet-
then
Go to the bank - clean it outof all cash - and start an account in your name
only at ANOTHER BANK.
Then get a divorce lawyer....
fast
Cheryl
DRAGON BEADS
Flameworked beads and glass
http://www.dragonbeads.com/
bluemaxx
though I've been married 31 years, 27 of those years were an uphill
battle. Only you can decide if you love your husband enough to try to
work out your marital problems together... or if the problems can't be
overcome and you need to move on with your life. I will say that
marriage counseling helped my husband a great deal and things changed
drastically after he realized he was doing wrong.
--
Linda
"Empress Beads" <sa...@empressbeads.com> wrote in message
news:4150cd45$0$3553$45be...@newscene.com...
: Well I had not mentioned it here yet. But my husband and I had not
:
:
---
--
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.766 / Virus Database: 513 - Release Date: 9/17/2004
scott
sometimes. I am a man and if I were a cross-dresser you could not tell me
from Eve in a shopping mall., Lol I love hitting the malls. I do enjoy
window shopping. Maybe I am just nosey. I like seeing what all the fuss is
about in the malls. Oops, I think I got off OT.
"Barbara Forbes-Lyons" <pengu...@NOSPAMpenguintrax.com> wrote in message
news:4150f4f7$1...@news.bnb-lp.com...
Su/Cutworks
> The lure is powerful. It's a lust to want all time. I have a hard time
> sometimes. I am a man and if I were a cross-dresser you could not tell me
> from Eve in a shopping mall., Lol I love hitting the malls. I do enjoy
> window shopping. Maybe I am just nosey. I like seeing what all the fuss
is
> about in the malls. Oops, I think I got off OT.
ROFL.
You could start a new industry, shopping rent-a-guy!
My husband would rather stick pencils up his nose than go shopping with me.
-Su
Empress Beads
again. I mean EVER. I asked him if he knew what that meant. And he
understood that I was taking DD with me and not coming back. I told him
that I don't want anything in this house, except DD's room and my clothes.
I know I can start over with out any thing here.
I guess that is what I am hoping for that one day he will change. But I am
not so sure.
-Amy
"starlia" <sta...@klopmanstudios.com> wrote in message
news:10l1m02...@corp.supernews.com...
Empress Beads
When I groom myself in the morning that is what I do. I look in the mirror
and see what small imperfections I can fix. He will wait until we get in
the car going somewhere and look at his nose hair and wonder why I didn't
tell him to cut it. I think you are depressed if you cannot even look at
yourself in the mirror in the morning. He has no self worth. I have tried
everything to make him feel better, but now I am tired and I want someone to
make me feel better. I want some one to take care of me.
I know I will have to go out and get a job, but I am trying to figure out if
I stay here or move back home 4 hours away. I will have so much more help
here. And people who love me around me. Both my parents are retired so
they have a little more time than most. I know my mom is a big help. When
my brother and his wife needed help with their three kids my mom took over
all their laundry. My mom is great at doing laundry. Wash, Iron and
everything. She just would ask Mel to bring it by in the morning and she
would have it ready by afternoon.
I am looking into counseling for him on his insurance. I am not sure what
is covered. But I think he needs help. We have had discussions that
something is wrong, he needs to figure out what that is. He did not have a
great childhood. He was constantly picked on until he move to TEXAS at 11.
I will see what I can do.
Thanks
Amy
"Cheri2Star" <cheri...@aol.comstars> wrote in message
news:20040921213635...@mb-m19.aol.com...
Empress Beads
is not some place I would like to go. But I might be getting close. My
parents live in a little town called La Grange and that is probably where I
would go. I currently live here in Plano. I love the climate up here. It
is much drier. We get snow once a year. (enough for me) I like to have my
one day of playing in the snow. It is fun. That is what I will miss. But I
miss my mom more. If she were closer, not a question I would stay here.
THanks
AMY
"scott" <t...@intertex.net> wrote in message
news:IvSdndrtIfo...@intertex.net...
Empress Beads
like our counselor. so we stopped after that. I need to see if his
insurance covers that kind of thing.
-Amy
"Beadbimbo" <je...@beadbimbo.com> wrote in message
news:4150...@news.bnb-lp.com...
Empress Beads
entire month for food at work, gas money, and whatever he wants. If he
spends that money, he goes hungry. Or figure out an alternative to get what
he wants.
Thanks
AMY
http://www.empressbeads.com
"Marisa2" <mw...@NOSPAM.hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:VW54d.22403$ZC7....@newssvr19.news.prodigy.com...
scott
"Su/Cutworks" <cutw...@btinternet.com> wrote in message
news:cirsnk$925$1...@sparta.btinternet.com...
Hehehe, OUCH !
Empress Beads
doing all the work anyway with someone I have to take care of in every
aspect. I wanted to get married to have someone take care of me. I want a
partner to help me. Not someone I have to babysit.
He just looks for quick fixes and never really tries to actually fix the
problem. He constantly takes shortcuts. I really don't feel he is sincere
about this talk we just had. He is still trying to figure out how to get
his way.
Last night he took his CD's that he wanted to sell and got about $75.00 for
them. He asked me if he could by the new Star Wars DVD's (we currently have
around 4 copies of these movies). I said yes probably. Well he went out
that night with DD to FRY's to by the damn thing. He didn't tell me he was
going out that night to buy it right after he got money in his hands. If I
would have known he was going to buy it that night. I would have said no
defintely not. We are having a Garage sale soon and I thought the money for
the CD's and the garage sale we could afford to buy those for birthday or
Christmas or something. I feel he lied to me to get his way again. I feel
stupid too for saying he could buy the darn things. But I was going to use
it as a REWARD at a later time.
DD's birthday party is coming up this Saturday and I was going to use the
money to pay for it. Oh but now it is gone! He cannot buy anything any more
with out giving me the money and I buy it for him first. I dont' think he
can ever change.
-Amy
http://www.auctionworks.com/awstore/empressbeads
"Karen_AZ" <desertd...@coxnospam.net> wrote in message
news:6L74d.288048$Lj.104779@fed1read03...
Karen_AZ
> me.<
Unless it's for books, CD's or going to Lowe's/Home Depot, that's EXACTLY
how I feel! Mike is a browser, he'll even drag me into women's clothing
stores. It's horrible, I swear. I'm a mercenary shopper...identify the
objective, retrieve the object, and get out so you can do something more
enjoyable.
KarenK
Empress Beads
if
> I stay here or move back home 4 hours away. I will have so much more help
> here.
This is supposed to be "THERE."
-Amy
http://www.auctionworks.com/awstore/empressbeads
Marisa2
the therapy, it won't be fast and it won't "fix" him.
It has to be something worth doing because it needs to be doing, not
because you think it will fix the situation right away.
Also in addition to him going by himself you should probably go to
couple's therapy (if you stay). They can really help you understand
what eachother is saying. It should be with someone other then his
individual therapist, so he doesn't feel like you're getting his
therapist on your side. His therapist is for him, not to talk him into
your side. If it didn't work that way it wouldn't work, especially
since he has depression and low self-esteem.
marisa2
Marisa2
Would give you a support system... and a fresh start.
Would your parents let you move in for a couple of months so you can
find a job and get on your feet?
marisa2
Marisa2
marisa2
Empress Beads
they do not have my size. Now that I have had a child things fit me better.
I know that sounds kind a funny. But I used to be to small for most things.
I hate shopping for shoes too, becuase I am a size 5 1/2. Most womens sizes
start at 6. Nice shoes are always out of stock in my size. pooh! I can
never get nice shoes on SALE. I have to buy when they first come out. I
often asked the clerk why they don't order more 5 1/2's especially if they
are always out of stock on that size. They miss a sale. I am sure I am not
the only women that is a 5 1/2 in Dallas.
-Amy
http://www.auctionworks.com/awstore/empressbeads
"Karen_AZ" <desertd...@coxnospam.net> wrote in message
news:MHf4d.288078$Lj.182959@fed1read03...
Peggy
to buy all my clothes full-price in order to get them in my size.
On a more personal note: I've been watching this conversation for awhile
now and have hestitated to reply. I have some information that I think
might help you, but I just don't feel comfortable posting it on the Web.
(Sorry guys. No offense. It's just that I'm very, very new here.)
Anyway, suffice it to say that just two years ago I was dealing with the
exact same problem that you are. Turned out my husband WAS sick. Now he is
not, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that he's an angel. The most
wonderful, supportive guy you could imagine. I'd like to tell you what was
wrong and how I got him to get help. Please email me at:
galdi AT pineland DOT com
"Empress Beads" <sa...@empressbeads.com> wrote in message
news:4151970b$0$43312$45be...@newscene.com...
Dr. Sooz
Do you love him?
~~
Sooz
To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. ~~Joseph Chilton
Pearce
Dr. Sooz
>opinion, your husband's actions come really close to violating that covenant,
>and if that happens, the contract is broken.
And God loves you, and does not want you to be miserable. You are raising a
child -- not a child AND a grown child. Your husband is making you be his
mother, and a policewoman. That's bullshit, IMO. Totally unfair to you.
Dr. Sooz
>some of those games and CD's. Why not, you're already on Ebay!
YEAH. YEAH!!!!
>If you leave him, you will probably have to go back to work full time. If
>you
>can deal with that, then I say go for it.
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>Whatever you decide, you know you have our love and support.
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr. Sooz
>pursue.
Definitely.
Dr. Sooz
>I know I will have to go out and get a job, but I am trying to figure out
>if
>> I stay here or move back home 4 hours away. I will have so much more help
>> there.
Dr. Sooz
>one day of playing in the snow. It is fun. That is what I will miss. But I
>miss my mom more.
Having a mom like that is such a blessing. (We are not all so blessed.) You
can always drive to the snow.
Dr. Sooz
>ignoring you and disregarding of your input
So, so true.
>All of this is causing emotional damage that shines thru very clearly in
>what you've said, and what you haven't said. He endangers you and your DD
>by constantly spending the little money you do have on things you don't
>need--what if an emergency happened and you suddenly needed that 3 grand for
>it? What if he takes it even further and one day yuou realize there is no
>money for food/bills, etc, etc?
Yes. Exactly.
>I don't hold with abuse of any kind, and what I see here is intolerable to
>me. I can't imagine the strength you must possess in order to deal with it
>every day. *hugggs*
YEAH. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{AMY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Dr. Sooz
>can ever change.
I'm thinking there's really something wrong with him, and he needs HELP. But
you're not the one to help him, obviously, because he never listens to what you
say -- just to what he hears, edited out of what you say.
He needs help, but he won't allow it from you. Married partners help each
other, but he ignores this idea completely.
He operates as if you are not even there! It's as if you aren't married
anymore already.
Dr. Sooz
beneficial) changes, I realized something really important -- I didn't love him
anymore.
Do you still love him, or have you lost all respect for him? If you don't
respect someone, it's nearly impossible to rekindle love.
JoAnn Paules
My heart is breaking to think of you having to go thru all of this. Nothing
I can say or do will make your situation any easier. I can tell you that you
are not alone. I understand the need to stick with your vows even if he
isn't. My ex-husband used to physically and emotionally abuse me and I put
up with it because I thought I could make it work. I couldn't. And it took
me years to accept the fact that it wasn't something *I* did.
You will have to figure out whether you want this man in your life. Is he
capable of changing? If not, can you accept that? Do you really want to?
You have some tough decisions to make for yourself. And please, please,
please, don't "stay together for the children"! Take Cheryl's advice - talk
to an attorney. I think you need to find out what your rights are in your
state. And know that there are many of us here for you to talk to. One day
your life will seem brighter and when it is, we'll be here to share your
joys as well.
--
JoAnn Paules
MVP Microsoft [Publisher]
"Empress Beads" <sa...@empressbeads.com> wrote in message
news:4150cd45$0$3553$45be...@newscene.com...
> Well I had not mentioned it here yet. But my husband and I had not been
> getting along at all. He is never one to bring up conversation that he is
> back. I just don't believe him. Now I am supposed to take over the family
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.766 / Virus Database: 513 - Release Date: 9/17/2004
Empress Beads
friend, but not a husband. That is one of my hard parts that I am trying to
get over. But if he showed me he can manage some amount of responsibility
other feelings might come back.
-Amy
"Dr. Sooz" <diva...@aol.compuppies> wrote in message
news:20040922123257...@mb-m06.aol.com...
Empress Beads
"Peggy" <nospa...@beadland.net> wrote in message
news:cis67...@enews2.newsguy.com...
Karen_AZ
respect someone, it's nearly impossible to rekindle love.<
This is sooooo true! The day I caught myself rolling my eyes when he tried
to 'explain' his latest failure to do something, and kept muttering stuff
like "right, asshole" under my breath, I knew we were done.
Now, with Mike, there are definitely times we disagree, but we disagree as
two adults who love and respect each other. If he makes a decision without
me, it's usually because he knows what my input is going to be ahead of
time. We argue, but it's always in a "nice" way. What a difference to be
with someone I can respect and trust!
KarenK
Peggy
galdi AT pineland DOT net
That's net, instead com. That's my personal email address (net), vs. my
business address (com). I live in south Georgia in the middle of nowhere.
We've got on ISP here, and we just have to put up with it ;-)
"Empress Beads" <sa...@empressbeads.com> wrote in message
news:4151ae24$0$43397$45be...@newscene.com...
scott
> My husband's parents live in Houston (Spring near the Woodlands) So
Houston
> is not some place I would like to go. But I might be getting close. My
> parents live in a little town called La Grange and that is probably where
I
> would go. I currently live here in Plano. I love the climate up here.
It
my
> one day of playing in the snow. It is fun. That is what I will miss. But
I
>
> THanks
> AMY
La Grange would be a great place to live.
> "scott" <t...@intertex.net> wrote in message
> news:IvSdndrtIfo...@intertex.net...
> >
> > "Empress Beads" <sa...@empressbeads.com> wrote in message
> > news:4150cd45$0$3553$45be...@newscene.com...
> >
> >
> > > Well I had not mentioned it here yet. But my husband and I had not
been
> > > getting along at all. He is never one to bring up conversation that
he
> is
> >
> >
Barbara Otterson
"LC aka Fiddy" <lcha...@aol.comnospam> wrote in message
> Vows before God require the covenant of the two people involved. In my
> opinion, your husband's actions come really close to violating that
covenant,
> and if that happens, the contract is broken.
>
one
side list everything good he brings to the relationship. On the other,
everything
negative. Your answer will be obvious shortly.
You can do it alone if you need to. Just remember, your daughter is
learning
what men are all about from your husband. She is learning what to expect
from marriage from the two of you. Scary thought, eh?
If he will go to counseling with you, give it a try. If he won't, find a
support
group for single moms and join.
Good luck. There's a better man waiting for you. If your husband won't
become that man, someone else will.
lgreene
year when the doc switched me to lexapro, i didn't find that it improved
anything, in fact seemed to worsen it. It's a tough balance, because I also
take atavan and wellbutrin sr but there was a noticeable change in the
severity of my depression...not for the good.
Even after the Matt debacle, my new doc wanted me to go onto
lexapro...almost demanded it, and wouldn't dig onto the fact that i had been
on it and ever other med made for depression that had been known to man.
Keep me on celexa, please.
"Karen_AZ" <desertd...@coxnospam.net> wrote in message
news:9b74d.288043$Lj.133759@fed1read03...
> >Lexapro is simply a more powerful, re-engineered version of Celexa. They
> >did something to
> the molecule in Celexa that addresses depression.<
>
> Color me skeptical but what they probably did was move the molecule that
> addresses a longer patent. It's happening all over. I could breathe and
stay
> awake with Claritin (hallelujiah!). The patent wore out and ta-da, they
came
> out with Clarinex. Same song, different key, 10 more years' patent. But
> curiously, the now-OTC Claritin works just a tad faster, longer and
better.
> Paying OTC sucks when you're on a good prescription plan.
>
> KarenK (the ever cynical)
>
>
Cheri2Star
Exactly. I know DD could not have done it without her Daddy's financial help.
She tried to move in with me, but the courts stopped her from taking the kids
out of state. I still helped every way I could, of course, but I don't have
the financial resources of my ex. And I had to call and remind him of that a
couple of times. That's why he and I are still friends, because he takes care
of his kids. 8-)
Tinkster
>the night i dreamed 'the shortest way to a man's heart is between the
>third and fourth ribs' i knew it was time to call it done.
Ok, I know it's not funny, but ROTFLMAO!
Tink
Check here for available work:
http://blackswampglassworks.com/latest.htm
Cheri2Star
>>third and fourth ribs' i knew it was time to call it done.
>
>Ok, I know it's not funny, but ROTFLMAO!
OMTP - I thought it was hilarious!
Cheryl
third and fourth ribs' i knew it was time to call it done.>
Yep - friend at work has the following coffee cup.
DIVORCE.... the
LEGAL ALTERNATIVE
TO AXE MURDER
Cheryl
DRAGON BEADS
Flameworked beads and glass
http://www.dragonbeads.com/
Cheryl
Thanks Marisa. I have started giving him an allowance of $200 for the
entire month for food at work, gas money, and whatever he wants>
Amy -- not a good idea
It would be better WEEKLY..... for starters -- then two weeks - then a month..
he needs to learn in small steps....
but - you still need to find the counseling - or a "spender's anonymous"
Cheryl
>around 4 copies of these movies). I said yes probably. Well he went out
>that night with DD to FRY's to by the damn thing. >>>
WELL if he hasn't opened them yet
FIRST LESSON -- make him RETURN THEM NOW!!!!
If he has opened them -- TAKE THEM AWAY FROM HIM..
just like you would a child - do not let him profit from this manipulation.
LC aka Fiddy
Marriage is grand,
divorce is FORTY grand!!!
The Blessed Fiddy, Patroness Saint of the Disorganized
LC in Sunny So Cal
Personality Development Specialist (Full-Time Mom!)
Christina Peterson
Tina
"Barbara Forbes-Lyons" <pengu...@NOSPAMpenguintrax.com> wrote in message
news:4151008d$1...@news.bnb-lp.com...
> I don't mind answering at all...I was on it for PPD (Postpartum
depression).
> After a year on the Lexapro, in combination with some talk therapy, my
> therapist, doctor and I decided that I was ready to give it a 'go' w/o the
> chemical assistance. I was having some side affects from the Lexapro that
> were impacting my life negatively, so that was an issue now. I'm doing
> pretty well, considering the hugely stressful few weeks I've had. From the
> research I've done ( and recently confirmed in the news), starting
> antidepressants and weaning off antidepressants are the times when folks
may
> feel at their worst. That certainly was the case for me - and I bead
shopped
> to make myself feel better. Granted, I did purchase things that I can use,
> should I ever get the time to make stuff, but it was definitely money I
> should not have spent.
>
> Anyhow - now that I've got it out of my system for good, and my thyroid is
> being kept on track, I feel pretty good and I am able to concentrate on
> making those changes to my life that need to be done in order to
completely
> heal, not just from the PPD, but from some things that happened to me in
my
> childhood.
>
>
>
> "Marisa2" <mw...@NOSPAM.hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:WK64d.6599$Qv5....@newssvr33.news.prodigy.com...
>
> >
> > If you don't mind my asking, why are you going off Lexapro?
> >
> > marisa2
> >
>
>
Christina Peterson
or leave, and they continue to be abusive and neglectful, they are not going
to get better later. Give a grace period for a partner to learn his new
role, or to see if his accommodation is sincere or just part of the abuse,
apology, OK time, and abuse again. But if things and attitudes don't
improve they WILL get worse. Sometimes they even get worse while appearing
to improve. Sometimes abuse goes "underground". The hitting stops but
emotional and psychological terrorism are even worse.
I escaped abuse. It took several tries, desperation, a women's shelter,
etc. I got away from my abuser, then worked with a psychologist from
community mental health. I regained my self, what Pete calls "my power".
After working for 3 or 4 years, I married Pete and am now living happily
ever after.
Remember that the most important thing a person can do for their marriage
(or other) is to be the very best and strongest person they can be.
Tina
"Jim Redden" <jred...@rochester.rr.com> wrote in message
news:hi74d.240619$bp1....@twister.nyroc.rr.com...
>..... I was given a choice either straighten up or get the hell out!
> Maybe you need to set a few ground rules with him, like what were given to
> me. IF he values you and your child he will do it, it might be hard but
> encurouge ( damn hooked on phonics didn't work for me!)and direct him. And
> basicly teach him what to plan for and save for.
Christina Peterson
problem."
This reminds me so much of my drinking days. Damage control. Crisis
management. Also typical of men with Co-Dependence.
"I wanted to get married to have someone take care of me. I want a
partner to help me. Not someone I have to babysit."
I have to tell you, Amy, both of these statements are the epitome of
Co-Dependence. Please look at this issue. I don't know if it applies to
you or your husband or not. Look at some of the books by Anne Wilson
Schaef; about the extended dynamics of Co-Dependence, and Behaviour
Addiction. Or my favourite, Facing Codependence by Pia Melody.
My experience has been that we all have to take care of and help our own
selves, our own frame of mind, etc. And we have to be honest and generous
and giving to our partner. But, ALWAYS we must do this with respect for our
selves! And this must be done reciprocally. Without mutual respect this
won't work. And sometime, even with all the respect and love, things still
won't work.
I believe the best thing you can do is to regain your power, whether you
stay together or separate. I also recommend martial arts as a way to regain
your own power and self-confidence.
Tina
"Empress Beads" <sa...@empressbeads.com> wrote in message
news:4151864a$0$43353$45be...@newscene.com...
> I know not all men are this way and that is what really ticks me off. I
am
> doing all the work anyway with someone I have to take care of in every
> aspect. I wanted to get married to have someone take care of me. I want
a
> partner to help me. Not someone I have to babysit.
>
> He just looks for quick fixes and never really tries to actually fix the
> problem. He constantly takes shortcuts. I really don't feel he is
sincere
> about this talk we just had. He is still trying to figure out how to get
> his way.
>
> Last night he took his CD's that he wanted to sell and got about $75.00
for
> them. He asked me if he could by the new Star Wars DVD's (we currently
have
> around 4 copies of these movies). I said yes probably. Well he went out
> that night with DD to FRY's to by the damn thing. He didn't tell me he
was
> going out that night to buy it right after he got money in his hands. If
I
> would have known he was going to buy it that night. I would have said no
> defintely not. We are having a Garage sale soon and I thought the money
for
> the CD's and the garage sale we could afford to buy those for birthday or
> Christmas or something. I feel he lied to me to get his way again. I feel
> stupid too for saying he could buy the darn things. But I was going to
use
> it as a REWARD at a later time.
>
> DD's birthday party is coming up this Saturday and I was going to use the
> money to pay for it. Oh but now it is gone! He cannot buy anything any
more
> with out giving me the money and I buy it for him first. I dont' think
he
> can ever change.
>
> -Amy
> http://www.auctionworks.com/awstore/empressbeads
>
>
> "Karen_AZ" <desertd...@coxnospam.net> wrote in message
> news:6L74d.288048$Lj.104779@fed1read03...
> > Now that all the "business" is out of the way I want to say something
> else.
> > Jim's right, all men are NOT like that. My darling wonderful Mike is
very
> > careful with money. He's not miserly or mean, but he's ruthlessly
> practical
> > and I adore him for it. Right now, this very minute (and we're not even
> > married yet, just living together) I/we have MORE money saved than I had
> > over the entire time I was married to my ex. I came to my marriage with
> $12K
> > saved up....gone in less than a year and never ever restored.
> >
> > Mike is my godsend. He's who/what I've wanted/needed for
> > years.....self-discipline that spills over onto me, but still willing to
> > have fun (moneywise) when it's appropriate. My ex had the sense of fun,
> but
> > no clue about what was appropriate when. And he would turn around and
> blame
> > me ("I couldn't tell you no") even though at the times in question he
was
> > theoretically responsible for making the financial decisions. (After a
lot
> > of chest-beating because I wouldn't "let" him have the responsibility.)
> >
> > Here's what I learned after trying hard to live a life of "should." Do
> what
> > makes YOU feel safe and secure. If that means leaving, make plans and
go.
> If
> > that means staying and working it out, do your very best to make it
work.
> > Communication is absolutely essential. Accusation won't work. Stating
> things
> > like "This is how I feel when 'X' happens" is fine; "You did this and it
> > sucks because...." is not. And learning how to "fight fair" is
incredibly
> > important. Stick to one topic, get it settled. Choose your battles very
> > wisely. And if you feel like all you're getting is squishy sounds when
you
> > beat your head against the wall, start making plans to get yourself away
> and
> > safe and ready to start over.
> >
> > More hugs, liberally beaded of course,
> > KarenK
> >
> >
>
>
Kalera Stratton
long time ago, so IMO the onus is removed from you.
The next thing I have to say is that life is supposed to be easier if
you have a partner to share the burden. If it's not easier, there is
something very, very seriously wrong. My ex was incredibly
irresponsible, and I earned the money and did the cooking and cleaning
and mothering for too long... it just about broke me. When I finally
spoke out, he freaked out and decided he was leaving me. O, what relief!
Life as a *single mother with two babies under two* was easier than
living with him!
Sometimes, marriage is a toxic situation for one or both parties. Don't
stay with him out of a sense of "should"; you only "should" if you, deep
in your heart, feel the rightness of it. Listen to your heart on this,
and your gut. Maybe a separation is what he needs to be able to grow
up... and maybe he never will, but you don't have to be burdened with
him forever.
After my husband left, life was HARD for a while... but still, I was
happier than I was with him. And then things got easier, and better, and
now they're wonderful. Incredible. My sister has been going through the
same thing. If it's what feels right in your heart and gut, please don't
be too scared or ashamed to leave; wonderful is in your future too.
-Kalera
http://www.beadwife.com
http://www.snipurl.com/kebay
Empress Beads wrote:
> Well I had not mentioned it here yet. But my husband and I had not been
> getting along at all. He is never one to bring up conversation that he is
Christina Peterson
Feeling bad about yourself and having low self-esteem are general mental
health issues, and not necessarily indicative of Depression (the mental
illness, as opposed to feeling depressed).
But the big thing is, you can only ever fix yourself. You can't "make him
feel better". You can't make others do things. And even more, you can't
make people feel any particular way. Only you can make yourself better. By
all means look into counseling. I very highly recommend it. But get it for
yourself. You are the only person you can change. But by changing yourself
and making healthy choices, you might influence him to choose to change.
Tina
"Empress Beads" <sa...@empressbeads.com> wrote ...
............
> I think he is depressed too.....
............
> .......... I have tried
> everything to make him feel better, but now I am tired and I want someone
to
> make me feel better. I want some one to take care of me.
..............
>
> I am looking into counseling for him on his insurance. I am not sure what
> is covered. But I think he needs help. We have had discussions that
> something is wrong, he needs to figure out what that is.
Dr. Sooz
>learning
>what men are all about from your husband.
That's what I was thinking too.
Dr. Sooz
>knowing that you can be independent is often the kick in the pants
>that some men need.
REALLY good one.
Dr. Sooz
Kalera Stratton
and, in a best-case scenario, they turn everything over to their wives.
I mean, the paycheck, the bank account, everything. That's how my best
friend and her husband handles it; he works, she manages the household
and everyone/everything in it. He gives her his paycheck, and she gives
him an allowance. This is the *only* way it could work for them, as he
has absolutely no money sense and no impulse control, but is otherwise a
very good man indeed. And it does take a very good man, to be willing to
give every penny he makes to the woman in his life to manage as she sees
fit.
Helen C wrote:
> Sounds kinda like my DH but at least most of the bills get paid <G> (at
> least all we're able to every month) We don't have much to work with so it's
> not so bad. Is this a "guy thing"? (before I get jumped - not ALL guys!)
> And does yours like to give stuff (that you just might be using) away to
> people in order to make a good impression? I just LOVE that one (never
> understood having to "buy" friends. Just be yourself and let it go. If
> they like you, they like you. If not, BFD!)
>
> You have to do what you NEED to do for the health and saneness of everyone
> involved. Your DD and you first, of course. Wouldn't it be nice if you
> could just have complete control over the finances? But then you probably
> end up with a grown man whining "I made the money, why can't I spend it?"
> And rather than have the long drawn out discussion, give in and move on.
> And make do. Or just do. And wonder why you're tired all the time? (BTDT)
>
> I know this probably didn't help much but I just wanted to let you know
> you're not the only head cook and bottle washer/mommy - doer of EVERYTHING
> out there (I have a sign in my kitchen "Nobody notices what I do untile I
> DON'T do it!)
>
> Later,
>
> Helen C
>
>
>
Cheryl
>knowing that you can be independent is often the kick in the pants
>that some men need.
REALLY good one.>
Or better yet - the kick in the pants where you tell your ex (who calls for the
first time in 15 years), and once insisted you would never make more money than
he makes (try three times his salary already....)
that you are about to get a law degree... and there is a moment of
silence... and he responds,
"I pity anyone who goes up against you..."
heh heh heh heh.......
Karen_AZ
i can't even afford to file the paperwork yet.
and if it isn't done RIGHT, it could cause problems for years!<
Ouch! Mine cost $750 and Mike's was $385 or close to that. But we both did
"standard" divorces and dealt with dividing "stuff" without any legal
fussing.
KarenK
Karen_AZ
long time ago, so IMO the onus is removed from you.<
I completely agree with this! You can't hold a marriage together on your
own, it absolutely takes two. When my ex starting looking online for "other
women" I believe he'd taken the mental steps away from our marriage. The
end.
And please remember (god I should have this one tattooed on me) you're his
wife, not his mother or caretaker. Please don't get into the mental trap of
"he needs me, what will happen to him on his own." The cold hard answer is
he needs himself, and tough on him if he can't make it. But it's absolutely
wrong to take you down with him. Protect yourself and your child, because he
won't do the job. If you choose to work it out, go for it, but do so with
precautions in place to save yourselves.
KarenK
Karen_AZ
>husband.
OMG this is sooooo true! My kids are 15 and 12 now, they've been away from
their dad for 4 years, other than visits, and I'm gradually seeing them heal
as well as me, AND seeing the results of some of the negative influences. I
cringe every time I hear the same verbal excuse patterns my ex used to use.
Like "I didn't have a chance to do XYZ." Arrrgh! Funny thing is, it's much
easier for me to say to them what I always wanted to say to Ed...."What,
your schedule was full? Of what???" Sorry, nobody required them to play
video games for the last hour. (Sometimes my boyo gets totally swallowed up
and doesn't even hear the timer I set.) I'm learning that some of the
patterns CAN be broken, if I help them pay attention and to realize what
they're saying and doing and why. But wow, it's weird how sometimes I'm sure
I'm living with their dad again.
KarenK
Karen_AZ
Ohhhhhh I bet that felt GOOD!
KarenK
Karen_AZ
>makes to the woman in his life to manage as she sees fit.<
Administratively this is how Mike and I do it, too. We have a joint account
for household expenses and stuff like that (we have our own separate
accounts too). Mike has other income sources (SS and Navy retirment) that go
into HIS account, but he gives me his work paycheck. I do the deposit, I pay
all the bills and do most of the grocery shopping by myself (or with kids,
which is usually a disaster LOL). In our case it's mainly because I'm just
plain cheap from years of having nothing, and I have all the bill-paying set
up online already. He moved into a well-oiled machine. <G>
The way cool thing now is, after years of never knowing if/when I'd be able
to pay all bills, I don't have to think about it anymore. We're planning,
once we move into the new house, to get everything set up to be paid
automatically. And for the first time since I was single (back in '86) I
have money in savings! The day I realized it was adding up faster than I
could possibly use it (well, within reason LOL) I sat down and cried. I
always knew it was really possible, I knew I'd done it before (I saved
regularly when I was on my own), and kept floundering with what was wrong
when I was married. To this day there's money gone that I just can't account
for. But NO MORE! And what a rush to know that I really AM capable after
all.
KarenK
Kalera Stratton
former sisters-in-law that would curl your hair. One of them, when my
brother gave her the house he'd bought, decided not to make the $400/mo
mortgage payments, (the house would rent for about $1200) and got to the
point where she was forced to sell it... so she took the $40 grand she
got from it and bought an expensive new car. Now she's renting an
apartment for twice what she would have been paying on the house (that I
know she liked because she picked it out!). She works for the State and
makes more than me and Moxley combined, but she's always calling Leon
wanting more money because she's "broke". Leon is a chef at a Japanese
restaurant, and always pays more than his child support on time every
month because that's how our dad raised him, AND he gives this worthless
creature money every time she asks despite the fact that she makes more
than twice what he makes! AND she has a boyfriend!
So yeah. It is a behavior that is definitely not limited to men. I won't
even start on my cousin... she boggles my mind.
My current husband <g> manages his own money fine, and gives me half the
household expenses every month come rain or shine. Sometimes he really
struggles to do it, and in the months when I make more than him I almost
feel bad making him pay the full amount but I think it would be bad for
his ego if I "helped" him financially. He needs to feel capable, like a
good provider, and I think it burns him up a bit that he can't pay ALL
of our expenses.
Jim Redden wrote:
> Just a few words,
> All men are not like that, I know I'm one of them. there are women out there
> just as bad ( my exwife ) put me $67K in the hole in 6 months. I got free
> and wound up with a high school sweetheart and acted foolish as far as money
> for awhile. I was given a choice either straighten up or get the hell out!
> Maybe you need to set a few ground rules with him, like what were given to
> me. IF he values you and your child he will do it, it might be hard but
> encurouge ( damn hooked on phonics didn't work for me!)and direct him. And
> basicly teach him what to plan for and save for.
> Worked for me.
>
>
> Good luck and hope everything works out!
>
> Jim Redden
> jred...@rochester.rrDOTcom
>
> "Empress Beads" <sa...@empressbeads.com> wrote in message
> news:4150cd45$0$3553$45be...@newscene.com...
Kalera Stratton
care of you, nurtures you, and is a partner who stands equally beside
you... not someone you have to babysit. I'm not sure what's codependent
about that; it sounds like normal healthy interdependence in a strong
marriage. Unless you mean that his requiring babysitting is a symptom of
a codependence wherein he has a need to be irresponsible and she has a
need to babysit him.
Wanting marriage to be about a mutually nurturing partnership is
healthy, IMO.
Helen C
Him: "Murder's cheaper than divorce"
Me: "It's only murder if they find YOUR body"
Boy, do we get some strange looks for that one!
BTW, have I mentioned we have a sick and twisted relationship? I'm sick,
he's twisted (pun on the scoliosis) but, it's apparently working for us.
Go figure.
Later,
Helen C
.
starlia
in, get what I need, go out. None of this window shopping stuff for me. DH
on the other hand can shop and shop for hours on end. We've opened and
closed a mall together and boy was I beat. He was ready for more. LOL
--
Starlia Klopman
www.klopmanstudios.com
"Su/Cutworks" <cutw...@btinternet.com> wrote in message
news:cirsnk$925$1...@sparta.btinternet.com...
> Scott wrote:
>
> > The lure is powerful. It's a lust to want all time. I have a hard time
> > sometimes. I am a man and if I were a cross-dresser you could not tell
me
> > from Eve in a shopping mall., Lol I love hitting the malls. I do enjoy
> > window shopping. Maybe I am just nosey. I like seeing what all the fuss
> is
> > about in the malls. Oops, I think I got off OT.
>
> ROFL.
>
> You could start a new industry, shopping rent-a-guy!
>
> My husband would rather stick pencils up his nose than go shopping with
me.
>
> -Su
>
>
JoAnn Paules
--
JoAnn Paules
MVP Microsoft [Publisher]
"Helen C" <nieha...@excite.com> wrote in message
news:2rgf60F...@uni-berlin.de...
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.766 / Virus Database: 513 - Release Date: 9/17/2004
LC aka Fiddy
>healthy, IMO.
sit next to me, sistah. OMTP
oops! LOL
Diana Curtis
shop for clearence stuff and good deals. A little of that is enough tho.
Diana
--
Heart and soul can make up for technical lacking in any form of art, but let
the heart be lacking and all the perfection means nothing.
"starlia" <sta...@klopmanstudios.com> wrote in message
news:10l66rq...@corp.supernews.com...
scott
"Cheryl" <drag...@aol.combeads> wrote in message
news:20040922221313...@mb-m26.aol.com...
> the night i dreamed 'the shortest way to a man's heart is between the
> third and fourth ribs' i knew it was time to call it done.>
>
> Yep - friend at work has the following coffee cup.
>
>
> DIVORCE.... the
> LEGAL ALTERNATIVE
> TO AXE MURDER
OUCH ! Thant hurt.
scott
"LC aka Fiddy" <lcha...@aol.comnospam> wrote in message
news:20040922222544...@mb-m10.aol.com...
> We have an atty here in the So Cal area who sez:
>
> Marriage is grand,
>
> divorce is FORTY grand!!!
>
> The Blessed Fiddy, Patroness Saint of the Disorganized
> LC in Sunny So Cal
> Personality Development Specialist (Full-Time Mom!)
>
Hi LC )
HOW TO ASK A MAN TO DO SOMETHING
Always remember these five important rules when asking a man to do
something:
1. Make sure the man is conscious.
2. Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the bird cage with the
sports section.
3. Be brief! Limit your nagging harangue to two, three hours, max.
4. Reward him for cooperative behavior. Offer to cook him something that
doesn't have a peel-back cover.
5. Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave his remote on high
power for 55 minutes. Rotate 1/4 turn, and microwave again for another 35
minutes.
6. Use "would you" or "will you" instead of "you'd better" or "do as I say
and no one will get hurt".
LC aka Fiddy
and he's NOTHING like any of that...
he's got the sensibility of a woman, in a rockhard studly man's packaging! (in
the very best of both statements! LOL)
WWSS?...Haw!
scott
"LC aka Fiddy" <lcha...@aol.comnospam> wrote in message
I be darn, I have a clone. Lol
Dr. Sooz
>(in
>the very best of both statements! LOL)
>
>WWSS?...Haw!
She'd say "Holy hard-on, stand back!"
Empress Beads
going into the home decorating stores and getting ideas. Although I usually
never do anything with those ideas. I like to imagine and dream.
-Amy:)
"starlia" <sta...@klopmanstudios.com> wrote in message
news:10l66rq...@corp.supernews.com...
Cheri2Star
>
>heh heh heh heh.......
>Cheryl
I love that! LOL.. And how right he is!
Cheri
(Bubbee to Emily and Nathan)
Christina Peterson
was nothing to divide, and I knew it wouldn't make any difference to ask for
money for the last two years before my daughter turned 18.
Tina
"Karen_AZ" <desertd...@coxnospam.net> wrote in message
news:swz4d.289116$Lj.87253@fed1read03...