Trad climbers strike again on Shelf Rd. - trip report
Tom Dunwiddie
Dateline, Colorado:
Trad commandos pull down at Shelf Road…/a guerrilla raid on rad
territory
Well, it’s been a good spring for climbing in Colorado, and since a
couple of us trad rec.climbers (Greg Hill, Amelia, Monika and myself)
were feeling pretty honed from some trivial successes in Eldorado, we
decided to ignore the obvious risks and slip down to Shelf Road for some
surreptitious sport climbing.
The first ominous sign of danger presented itself as we were tooling
down 115 out of Colorado Springs - a big roadside sign pointing up a
dirt road, reading "Trad shoot" (this part is true - we actually did see
such a sign!). We knew that the sport climbers had pretty much taken
over this part of the state, but hadn’t realized that they had gone so
far as to start executing trads. We thought our jig was up for sure
when we were pulled over and searched a mile down the road by a tatooed,
pierced, rad cop packing a monster Hilti in his holster. Luckily for
us, however, we had left all our trad gear behind, and I’d picked up
some brand new draws at the big REI sale the day before, so he mistook
us for a bunch of gym gumbies out to pull some limestone at Shelf (the
"No Fear" stickers plastered on our cars might have helped us pass as
well). There were a few tense moments when he found Monika’s nut tool,
which she had foolishly left clipped to her harness, but when she
explained it was "to open Coors cans, duuhde!" he let us off.
Six wrong turns later, we pulled up at Sand Gulch and made the arduous
approach. We started trying to identify climbs that could be surmounted
with our feeble trad abilities, confused immensely by the fact that
Monika had actually been there before. Befuddled by this knowledge, we
started out with a couple of fine 10s (Suburbia, Dune), and emboldened
by our efforts, we managed to pick off a choice 11a (Miller Time).
Feeling like real gonzo honemasters, we wandered down the wall a ways to
where some other climbers were finishing up a nice shady wall.
"Hey, what’s that line?" we asked.
"Suburbia.."
"And that?"
"Miller Time…"
"Duh….", we cleverly retorted.
We went back to the guidebook, looked at the pictures, and by golly,
they were right. So, we hauled out the rope and prepared to climb
Suburbia(2).
Now, the other climbers must have been tipped off to the fact that we
were fellow rec.climbers by a couple of things. First, we didn’t anchor
the belayer at the bottom of the climb - second, we had the middle of
our rope marked in two different ways - third, we were loaded with those
"piece of %$%^ paper clip biners" - and fourth, having read the recent
posts in rec.climbing, we had brought along the closest thing we had to
the required white, male, 35 year old engineer. Monika is only 5’1",
and as far as we know lacks the dreaded Y chromosome, but she *is* a
bona fide, card-carrying 35 year old engineer. Anyway, they gave us the
secret rec.climbing greeting - "Hi, you Tony Bubb," to which we of
course replied, "You’re a bunch of Tony Bubb's", followed by the chorus
of "We’re all Tony Bubbs!"
Having been introduced, we then proceeded to complete an astounding,
single-afternoon, 3-person ascent of the grade VI (Colorado grade) sport
climb, Suburbia(2). This was followed by similar stylish ascents of
Prickly Dan (5.10, Grade V), Miller Time(2) (5.11, Grade VI), and some
climb with a name having something to do with pork. Feeling that Greg
had not been adequately challenged, we goaded him into trying the last
climb without his chalkbag, then collapsed in giggles every time he
helplessly waved at his ass trying to find the missing bag. Needless to
say, he flashed it with style despite our better efforts.
Despite the fact that we were having a great time, the strain of passing
as rads was finally getting to us… someone would forget and ask how many
"pitches" we’d climbed… someone else slipped and mentioned having
climbed "Rosy Crucifixion"… another started laughing at how close some
of the bolts were… we knew that it was just a matter of time before we
were found out. Rather than risk detection, we packed up, hiked down,
and headed back for the big city.
Tom Dunwiddie
Jeff Elison
Tom Dunwiddie (Tom.Du...@UCHSC.edu) wrote:
: Dateline, Colorado:
: Trad commandos pull down at Shelf Road…/a guerrilla raid on rad
: territory
Excellent trip report!!!
Mort