Topo disclaimer
Brutus of Wyde
ALL INDIVIDUALS USING, REFERRING TO,
TALKING ABOUT, OR THINKING ABOUT THIS
TOPO MUST READ THIS!!!
This inaccurate topo is based on dim
recollections, half-baked guesses, and
outright lies. In NO WAY does it tell
the full story. You would probably be
better off just trying to find your own
way up the mounatin, than you would be
if you used this topo. But that
statement in no way implies that I am
in any way responsible if you don't
use the topo, and something bad happens anyway.
Nature is unpredictable and unsafe.
Mountains are dangerous. Many books
have been written about these dangers,
and there’s no way I can list them all
here. Read the books.
The area depicted by this topo is covered
in steep terrain with loose, slippery and
unstable footing. The weather can make
matters worse. Sheer drops are everywhere.
You may fall, be injured or die. There
are hidden holes. You could break your
leg. There are wild animals, which may be
vicious, poisonous, hungry or carriers of
dread diseases. These may include poisonous
amphibians, reptiles, and insects; insects
to which you have allergies, or whose
multiple stings can cause anaphylactic
shock; mammals which may include skunks,
badgers, marmots, lions, tigers, and bears;
predatory birds, and all other manner of
beasts. Plants can be poisonous as well,
and even when not poisonous, can inflict
serious injury like a sharp stick in the
eye. This topo, and the author of this
topo, will not do anything to protect you
from any of this. I do not inspect, supervise
or maintain the ground, rocks, cliffs,
wildlife, vegetation or other features,
natural or otherwise.
Real dangers are present even on approach
trails. Trails are not sidewalks, and folks
have died and been seriously injured even
on sidewalks when they have tripped on cracked
concrete, plunged into meter boxes with
missing covers, been mugged, hit by cars,
had pianos fall on them... Trails can be,
and are, steep, slippery and dangerous.
Trail features made or enhanced by humans,
such as bridges, steps, walls and railings
(if any) can break, collapse, or otherwise
fail catastrophically at any time. I don’t
promise to inspect, supervise or maintain
them in any way. They may be negligently
constructed or repaired. Some trails in
the area are only maintained by Nelson Bighorn
Sheep, who have little regard for human life
or human safety, or any humans whatsoever.
In summary, trails are unsafe, period. Live
with it or stay away.
Stay on the trails whenever possible. The
terrain, in addition to being dangerous,
is surprisingly complex. You may get lost.
You probably WILL get lost. The chances of
getting lost multiply geometrically after
the sun goes down, due to poor visibility.
The sun goes down at least once a day in
this area. Not to say that you won't get
lost during daylight hours. In either event,
carry a flashlight, extra bulb and batteries,
compass, GPS, altimeter, cellular phone,
food, water, matches and first aid supplies
at all times. My advising you of this does
not mean there are not other things you
should be carrying. Carry them all as well,
and know how to use them. I am not responsible
for the consequences if you fail to heed this
advice. In fact, I am not responsible for
the consequences even if you DO heed this
advice and, for example, end up in an unplanned
bivy because you were carrying too much g*dd@mn
stuff, stumble into the bivy fire at 2 am when
you get up to take a p!ss, and severely burn the
flesh on your hands. You have only yourself to
blame, so leave me out of it.
Rocks and other objects can, and probably will,
fall from the cliffs. They can tumble down
slopes. This can happen naturally, or be
caused by people above you, such as climbers.
Rocks of all sizes, including huge boulders,
can shift, move or fall with no warning. If you
don't believe me check out the talus slopes at
the base of some of the rock walls. They
didn't just grow there. Use of helmets is advised
for anyone approaching the rock formations. As a
matter of fact, approaching the rock formations
is not advised. That is pretty stupid too. But if
you DO choose to risk your worthless scrawny neck
by going near rocks, shoulder pads, knee pads,
elbow pads, athletic cups and supporters and
other body armor may be handy as well. These
items can be purchased or rented from
mountaineering shops and athletic supply stores.
They won’t save you if you get hit by or
scrape against something big or on another
part of your body. A whole rock formation
might collapse on you leave nothing but a
grease spot. Don’t think it can’t happen.
It does, and it probably will.
Weather can be dangerous, regardless of
the forecast. Be prepared with extra
clothing, including rain gear. Hypothermia,
heat stroke, dehydration, frostbite,
lightning, ice and snow, runoff from rainstorms,
flashfloods, etc. can kill you. Rain can turn
easy terrain into a deathtrap, can drown you
if you're looking up into the sky with your
mouth open, and vastly decreases traction on
pavement. Snow is even worse, the hazards
ranging from snowball fight injuries to avalanches.
If you scramble in high places (scrambling
is moving over terrain steep enough to use
your hands) without proper experience, training
and equipment, or allow children to do so, you
are making a terrible mistake. Even if you know
what you’re doing and are the most experienced
and safest climber the world has ever known,
you are still making a terrible mistake: lots of
things can and do go wrong and you may be injured
or die. It happens all the time.
Furthermore, scrambling amongst the huge boulders
in this canyon, even without exposure of high
places, can result in serious physical and/or
emotional injury, or death.
This area, and this route, are not provided with
any rangers or security personnel on any regular
basis. The other people in the area, including
other visitors, USFS employees, foreign agents,
biologists and nature freaks, and anyone else
who might sneak in, may be stupid, reckless, a
religious fanatic, or otherwise dangerous. They
may be mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using
illegal drugs and/or armed with deadly weapons and
ready to use them. I'm not going to do anything about
that. I refuse to take responsibility.
Excessive consumption of alcohol, use of
prescription drugs, over-the-counter medications,
and/or legal or illegal controlled substances while
frequenting this area can and probably will affect
your mental state, alertness, and decision-making
abilities, and could make an already dangerous
situation even worse. Even abstinence won't
protect you from the actions of others under
the influence of such substances. Tough luck.
Not my fault.
The driveways, freeways, highways, streets,
alleys, back roads and unimproved 4WD tracks
leading to this area kill hundreds of folks
each year. Many of these fatalities are folks
who aren't even on their way to this canyon,
who in fact have never heard of this canyon,
but are simply innocent victims. Not so you.
You have been warned. You could get killed
driving to the trailhead. Wearing your seatbelt
tightly fastened with the lap belt low across
your waist improves your chances of survival,
in most cases (except that one steep section
of road) but does not and cannot guarantee your
safety. You might die before ever stepping out
of your vehicle at the trailhead, or on the way
home. It can happen any time. If you think you
are immune from this kind of thing, you're
fooling yourself.
This is not a sterile environment. Bacteria,
viruses, protozoa, protoviruses, fungi and other
forms of life and protolife which may or may not
be currently included in either the plant or animal
kingdom are capable of causing you serious bodily
harm, illness, or death. These kinds of biological
agents are both endemic in the area or present in
the plant and animal populations; and are also
capable of being carried or transmitted by your
climbing partners and travelling companions. I'm
not going to take responsibility for this, either.
My advice for you to treat drinking water, wash
your hands before and after going to the bathroom
and before eating, and to not indulge in unprotected
sex in this area, in no way obligates me to be
responsible for the consequences if you fail to
do so, nor does it mean that even if you DO take
these precautions and something happens anyway,
that I am to blame. Not so. Forget it. Nada. Negativo.
If you climb, you may die or be seriously
injured. And the longer you climb the greater
your risk of bad luck, which may or may not
be compounded by hubris, catching up to you.
This is true whether you are experienced or
not, trained or not, and equipped or not,
though training, experience and equipment may
help. It’s a fact, climbing is extremely dangerous.
If you don’t like it, stay at home. You really
shouldn’t be doing it anyway. I do not provide
supervision or instruction. I am not responsible
for, and do not inspect or maintain, climbing
anchors (including bolts, pitons, slings, trees,
etc.) As far as I know, any of them can and
probably will suddenly fail without warning and
send you plunging to your death with a bloodcurdling
scream, likely pulling your partner to his or her
doom as well. There are countless tons of loose
rock ready to be dislodged and fall on you or someone
else. There are any number of inobvious,
extremely and unusually dangerous conditions existing
on and around the rocks, and elsewhere in the
canyon. I probably don't know about any specific
hazard, but even if I do, don’t expect this
topo or its author to try to warn you. You’re
on your own.
Furthermore, the fact that I'm not trying
to stop you from being in this area in no
way implies, nor should it be inferred, that
I approve, recommend, advocate, or otherwise
in any way affirm that such action on your
part is anything but incredibly stupid.
Rescue services are not provided by anyone
near this climb, and may not be available
quickly or at all. In fact, if anything
really serious happens to you in this area,
you'll probably be dead before word ever
reaches civilization. Local rescue squads
may not be equipped for or trained in mountain
rescue. They probably won't be. If you are
lucky enough to have somebody try to rescue
you or treat your injuries, they will probably
be incompetent or worse. This includes doctors
and hospitals. I assume no responsibility. Also,
if you decide to participate in a rescue of
some other unfortunate, that’s your choice.
Don’t do it unless you are willing to assume
all risks, and don't blame me when it goes
bad and you end up getting yourself sued in
the process.
By using, or even just looking at this topo,
you are agreeing that I owe you no duty of
care or any other duty, you agree to release
me, my relatives, heirs, dependents, and anyone
else I care to name, now and forevermore,
from any and all claims of liability, even
though my actions may be grossly negligent
and/or be construed as reckless endangerment,
manslaughter, or other misconduct up to and
including premeditated murder. By consulting
this topo, you agree to waive forever any
rights that you, your partners, dependents,
heirs, inlaws, and others known or unknown to
you may have, to legal compensation resulting
from anything that has anything to do with this
topo, including but in no way limited to paper
cuts from the edge of the topo itself. If
you try to sue me in spite of all this, you
agree to pay my lawyers fees regardless of the
outcome of the suit, and you expressely agree
to re-imburse me for any loss or injury, be
it financial, physical, emotional, or imagined,
which I may experience as a result of such lawsuit.
I promise you nothing. I do not and will
not even try to keep the area safe for any
purpose. The area is NOT safe for any purpose.
This is no joke. I won’t even try to warn
about any dangerous or hazardous condition,
whether I know about it or not. If I do decide
to warn you about something, that doesn’t
mean I will try to warn you about anything else.
If I do make an effort to fix an unsafe condition,
I may not try to correct any others, and I may
actually make matters worse! I may have done
things in the area that are unwise and
dangerous. I probably did, but I don't remember.
Sorry, I'm neither competent nor responsible.
The topo gives you bad advice. Don’t listen.
Or do listen. It's your choice, but you face
the consequences either way, whatever they may be.
In short, CLIMB AT YOUR OWN RISK. If you,
or your heirs, relatives, dependents or others
known or unknown to you; your partner or your
partners heirs, relatives, dependents, or
others known or unknown to your partner, are
the slimy kind of lawyer-touting parasites who
would try to sue the author of a topo, If you
can't take responsibility for your own decisions,
knowledge, routefinding and plain dumb luck,
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stay far far away from this
route and this canyon, give up climbing, and die
of some completely natural, painful, and slowly
progressive disease.
Thank you, climb safe, and have fun!
END of Disclaimer
Credit is due to Russ Walling for the original
inspiration, and to a rumored sign at Seneca Rocks
from which I unabashedly stole some of the text.
_______________________________________________
Submitted via WebNewsReader of http://www.interbulletin.com
Mike-hike
>
> WARNING!!
>
> ALL INDIVIDUALS USING, REFERRING TO,
> TALKING ABOUT, OR THINKING ABOUT THIS
> TOPO MUST READ THIS!!!
>
Hi,
One question: what "topo"?
New Guy Mike (maps are good, I can get lost with or without one.)
Tom Cikoski
FURTHERMORE, evil persons, even GERMANS, may choose to climb
on the same route as you have chosen, and will climb
faster than you, using PETZL TIBLOCS. They my step on
your shoulders, hands, or head, in order to humiliate
you for your lack of climbing skill, and when they
are above you they will all URINATE, and
FURTHERMORE, your climb may be written up as a trip
report ("TR") either by yourself or your partners,
on rec.climbing thereby exposing you to SHAME,
HUMILIATION, RIDICULE, SNEERING or even NEGATIVE
ASPERSIONS AS TO YOUR SEXUAL PROWESS, because you
did/did not use the correct knot/equipment/traverse
for pitch 1/2/3/.../n, and
FURTHERMORE, you may be later asked to uproot your
entire human existence in order to move to an entirely
new climbing area where you won't BITCH SO MUCH about
what you have to put up with in your native habitat, and
FURTHERMORE, you may be asked to declare whether you do/don't
believe in bolting/not bolting so as to increase your
chances of living another day in a trad/sport climbing
area, and
FURTHERMORE, this topo is only guaranteed for Tuesday,
March 2, 1977, and only then if it rains, and then only
if the right guy (!) is elected President of the US in
2004.
--
( )_( )
\. ./
_=.=_
"
mario gentolizo
rock'wondering' wolf
Steven Cherry
>what the *&^% was that all about
>rock'wondering' wolf
It was about Brutus being about as funny as anyone gets on this newsgroup,
and that's pretty funny. Of course, you probably have to climb outdoors
to enjoy it.
-steven-
--
<ste...@panix.com>
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
I know which ledges are big enough to pee on, how to get rid
of hangnails and chapped lips, many of the NOT COLD climbing
places, and what gear comes in which shades of purple.
-- Wendy Joseph, rec.climbing
Phil Box
Brutus of Wyde <donot...@interbulletin.bogus> wrote in message
news:3AB2A0E5...@interbulletin.com...
> WARNING!!
snip
Loved every bit of it and if I may be so bold as to ask permission I would
love to reproduce this for the Australian scene with your permission of
course and giving due recognition to the writer/inspirationist .
...Phil...
gamecat
Nick
"Brutus of Wyde" <donot...@interbulletin.bogus> wrote in message
news:3AB2A0E5...@interbulletin.com...
> WARNING!!
>
> ALL INDIVIDUALS USING, REFERRING TO,
> TALKING ABOUT, OR THINKING ABOUT THIS
> TOPO MUST READ THIS!!!
>
> This inaccurate topo is based on dim
> recollections, half-baked guesses, and
[snip]
Brutus of Wyde
>Hi,
>
>One question: what "topo"?
>
>New Guy Mike (maps are good, I can get lost with or without one.)
It was a topo of a one pitch 5.4 climb in Tuttle Creek Canyon,
California. Due to space considerations, there wasn't room for
the actual topo after we printed the disclaimer. You're better
off without it, anyways.
Brutus
Dingus Milktoast
>
> Mike-hike wrote in article
>
> >Hi,
> >
> >One question: what "topo"?
> >
> >New Guy Mike (maps are good, I can get lost with or without one.)
>
> It was a topo of a one pitch 5.4 climb in Tuttle Creek Canyon,
> California. Due to space considerations, there wasn't room for
> the actual topo after we printed the disclaimer. You're better
> off without it, anyways.
And the approach instructions are longer than the
disclaimer!
DMT
Mike-hike
>
> Mike-hike wrote in article
>
> >Hi,
> >
> >One question: what "topo"?
> >
> >New Guy Mike (maps are good, I can get lost with or without one.)
>
> It was a topo of a one pitch 5.4 climb in Tuttle Creek Canyon,
> California. Due to space considerations, there wasn't room for
> the actual topo after we printed the disclaimer. You're better
> off without it, anyways.
>
> Brutus
Thanks Brutus.
Mike (life gets complicated at times. humor helps.)