Google Groups no longer supports new Usenet posts or subscriptions. Historical content remains viewable.
Dismiss

TR: Keeping Score (Long)

7 views
Skip to first unread message

ant

unread,
Dec 30, 2006, 3:49:29 AM12/30/06
to
TR: keeping score 05/06

three years in a row, i tossed a TR up for the rec.climbing wolves
around this time of year. didn't do one last year. i never had that
cathartic annual sub-epic.. the one that makes for such good TR fodder,
the one that makes me reflect on my place and my purpose in this game,
the one that furnishes that colorful imagery, colorful descriptives,
maybe some colorful expletives.

so what to do with all this freetime? i took a couple cracks at a TR,
but each time it fizzled out. early deaths, born of uninspiring feats.
but-unwilling to let you all go without a little punishment, i offer a
grand year-and-a-half summary instead. a sampling drawn from about a
thousand pitches, give or take, complete with UIAA-approved scoresheet.
insert your own editorial comments.

1)Kraus-McCarthy route, Bugaboos. August 2005. Afternoon finds us one
pitch from the top, making unhappy faces at the storm cells playing
pinball with our mountains. Adam starts up the tight chimney thing and
the sky opens up, pouring graupel onto us, filling the rock ledges with
sloping piles of little white marbles. adam collects a pile of snow
under his chin, wedged into the chimney, and we bail. he squirms back
down to the ledge and we thread to rap and i see that my cold feet must
have jammed something wide and prickly. im missing half the skin on my
ankle and the snow is red. i take a picture in case i am asked for
proof of the joys of mountaineering.

then the graupel slacks and we meet eyes and pull the rope back up and
head on up.

+1 Adventure Points
-1 Units Blood (so much for 'leave no trace')
+2 Where-you-gonna'-get-a-view-like-this,-ya'-lousy-sport-climbers
Points.

2)Pingora, NE face. Wind Rivers, Sept 05. 'got to the base of this
superduperclassic a disappointing 45 seconds after the first party.
deferentially didnt make griping noises, until it became obvious it was
a boyfriend-girlfriend-pride-climb-whining-dragging-hangfest. ever
spent five and a half pitches gently asking to pass the bumbling
dingbat in front of you? now i have.

-2 Social Benevolence Points
-1 Conga Line Points
+3 Sayonara Sucker Points (when I aggro-pass by sending 200' of 5.scary
offroute grass-groove)

3)The Big Walkup. Grand Teton. I swore off alpine after the frigid
winds, but dropped by Jackson to see a close friend. you know, just
because i was there already. so i stopped by the park, you know,
because i was there. and i dropped in at the climber's ranch, 'cuz,
well.. and i asked around, and maybe i could rope solo the Owen
Spalding, maybe?

So sleep an hour or two between bouts of violent door slamming in the
communal cabins, and wake to my watch beeping me awake at some ungodly
hour. its raining, and i peek outside and the peaks are a veritable
fireworks show. big lightning. glad im not in one of those dinky client
tents up there right now. back to sleep. awake again at 4:30. still
lightning.

oh well. it wasn't meant to be.

wake to sunlight at 6:15 and amble outside and.. its bluebird.
BlueBird.
well, the pack's packed. might as well have at it. i bring the whole
kit and caboodle and figure ill rope up when i feel uncomfortable.
little over five hours later i am standing on top of the grand, having
hauled two and a half liters, a rope, a rack, anchor gear, shoes,
lights, and food through dewy elk fields and a multi-mile choss trail
past a zillion people. feelin' pretty good. maybe ill stay for another
climb.

+2 False Ego Points (strawman comparisons to hundreds of unacclimatized
labor-day vacationers)
-1 Gear Hauling Points
-4 Hardman Points (for freezing to death while shivering my way up the
complete exum two days later)

4)Egg Hunt on the Sentinel. October 05. climb the Steck Salathe with
Charlie (RIP), managing to fall out of the first OW, seconding, maybe
eight feet off the ground, and then trample the ever-gentle Karl Baba
into submission around the wilson overhang. thank my lucky stars
Charlie got the crux, and then its my lead in the narrows. (or the
almost-narrows for us skinny punks). find a brand new #3 C4 with a
superfly. and a brand new #4.5 camalot with another biner. what gives?
i figure someone lead it, then their follower couldn't follow, so they
pulled the rope and ran it outside the crack.

weeeeeeelllll, there's more to charlie than there is to me. big pecs,
meet tight chimney. he stalls out halfway up and i have to lower, drop
a loop, belay him as he lays back the entire pitch, and i lower in and
clean my own gear. (and i owe you a few, Karl)

Turns out the crux of the climb is downclimbing (offroute?) exposed
vertical scariness in walmart beach shoes with a keychain light in my
teeth. and subsequently missing the valley clean-up raffle where they
passed on my hard-earned three-day riverside diaper/TP/tampon-pickup
karma-booty away to some dork who ate my pizza and probably got his
ticket because he knew the Hubers' girlfriends' aunts' dogsitter.
bitter.

+1 Adventure
+2 Booty Points
-1 Moron Points (botching the headlamp/footwear selection again)

5)horizontal stuck rope? November 05. a month in the valley, and every
day the arrow gives me the finger. so i thoguht i'd go up there and see
what the buzz was about. i get the mellow second pitch and soon enough
have dangled my way across the abyss to the safety of the rim.
monkey-aki, my lunatic german climbing partner for the week (who
follows my 'testpiece' leads in sandals) eventually joins me, and we
start pulling the ropes. its hard work but soon we cast off the free
end and.. and everything grinds to a halt.

in an uncharacteristically mindless rope-tending moment, we've managed
to let the free rope twist around the tyro line a few times before it
hangs down into the void. rope drag is enormous. i can't pull it. aki's
back hurts. now i'm really feeling like im getting the finger.

well, nothing a 3:1 coudln't fix, and i haul my pretty pink Beal home
with the burly german's help, furtively watching for some ditch hotshot
to pop out of the trees and have a good laugh. 'figure i put more wear
on that rope in ten minutes than a season's worth of climbing. damnit.

-2 Style Points
+1 Classic Ticklist Points
+3 God-Its-Nice-To-Be-Out-of-the-Valley Points

6)Owl Rock with John Peterson. November 05. Yes, *that* Peterson. True
to form, he tracks me down like a dog in Moab (on a well-deserved rest
day no less) and, so unannounced, forces me to belay him up Owl rock
with the paltry selection of gear he happens to have in his car (two
slings, some nuts and a couple cams). he cruises in fine style, and i
follow barefoot, tied into the end of the rope with a cruel nest of
waist wraps and some knotted leg loops.

+1 Adventure
-1 Safety Margin
-4 Sexual Desirability (to members of opposite sex walking around the
parking lot while i am lowered off, unable to breath.)

7)Meow Mix on the far end of the cat wall. it's in the book as (IIRC)
180' of every size crack that one should 'climb with double ropes'.
well, it was early twilight on a brisk november day, but why would that
stop me? cut to half an hour later, where i (headlampless) shove my
last cam (of many many cams) into the wrong size crack (hey, i didnt
have anything else) and drag 700 pounds of rope drag (old fat fuzzball
cord) through a thousand placements (appears i didn't extend them
enough..) to paddle my way up the yellow alien crack to the anchor,
pull the rope, drop the rope, have a good yell (windy!), pull the rope
with a trail line attached, fling the rope, rappel- sliding my fingers
down the crack to find my gear, and stumble down the trail in the dark.

+2 Adventure
+1 Long Pitch Fun-Factor
-3 Leaving My First Cam Behind (come on. i was scared. it was my last
piece. it was the crux. i swear. c'mon, maaaaan)
-1 Style Points (groveling around beef basin to find a partner to climb
it again the next day: pride/gear retrieval)

8)Spectator sport in Cochise. December 05. After an uneventful ascent
of whatever the 5.8 classic on Whale Dome is called, me and th'partner
have a chat about how to descend the free hanging rap on the backside
of the dome; honking breeze and proximal chickenhead infestation add
interesting nuances. We settle upon a new method of exciting ropework
experimentation sure to get us down before we die cold shivery deaths
in the afternoon windstorm. A few minutes later the poor fella' is
dangling in space, 25' below the chains, with the biggest friggin' mess
you've ever seen. ten- count 'em- ten folded strands thread their way
up and down between us, like some sort of twisted party string joke.
then he relearns to prussik, via careful instructions yelled over the
wind noise, battling poor form and elbow tendonitis.

+2 Smug I-Told-You-So-Feeling (when i rap second, no worries, with the
ropes neatly flaked on a sling)
+2 Cruel Ironic Humor (trying to keep from crying tears as he spins in
space, angry, and prussiks a gordian knot)
-1 Style Points
-3 Support Your Partner in His Time of Need Points

9)F*ck you later, Hueco. January 06. A convenient roadtrip destination
between Cochise and Potrero? Or a big fat waste of time if you didn't
plan for it seven months in advance?

-1 Dope Bouldering Points
-1 Shweet Radical Bitchin' Points
-1 Gaston Toehook Campus Points
+4 Sweet Freedom Points (driving past 12 sorry-looking dirtbagmobiles
at 10am when we bail on the conga line and head to Mexico)

10)The Mace. February 06. Nursing a tweaky tendon and glowing memories
of a past Sedona lap, i return to one of my great climbs. This time
with a solid partner who wants the crux, no impending storm rains, and
a selection of the best gear money can buy. And it's still hard.

+2 Good Clean Fun
+2 Five Excellent Pitches
+1 Howdy-doody. They haven't chopped the summit register yet!

11)The friar. march 06. seen it? a unique red rocks 'summit', the friar
is three pitches of sandstone to a flattop buttress, on whose shoulder
is perched a house-size cubical block-- balanced on one corner. a great
first pitch, a decent second, a shoddy third, and a scary unprotected
monkey finish take you to the comfy top, where you can catch some rays
and point and laugh at the hordes of goobers rapping on top of each
other on the solar slab.

+1 Adventure
-1 Historical-Value-Only Protection (on the hard pitch)
+2 Great To Be Back In Red Rocks Points

12)Fiddler on the roof. April 06. climb easy stuff for long enough and
you start to feel strong. combine this with a partner who says he and a
friend are heading out to Velvet to do the fiddler and i ask to come
along. you know, bring a third rope. second the crux. that kind of
thing.

They pick me up at my house (casino parking lot) and by golly, they've
found me a partner. Two teams of two, and i have been selected to climb
with George, the swiss climber from the internet who is 'very safe and
experienced and was a mountain guide in the alps and climbs hard'. By
the time those pitches are staring down at me, i have been informed
that G is out of shape and I will be leading the cruxes. He will boldly
lead the traverse, hanging on every bolt, pulling on all gear, and with
his skyhook pre-rigged to his harness. and I will follow, gripped and
chalked as i stare out at the next piece of pro- an ancient
fixed-shoestring sandstone thread he has clipped, in the hazy distance
to my right, and then the micronut, and then some other untrustworthy
piece of shit, and begin the 5.hard downclimb to the 5.9 traverse along
the lip of the roof, and mutter under my breath that he is a blundering
nincompoop and if this is 5.9 i am going to lose skin up above.

Turns out the crux was well protected and quite doable. Turns out the
crux was not the crux. I take ample de-freak breaks as i scale the
runout pendulum terrain above which give me generous proof that George
is not a believer in the 'keep your hands on the belay' theory, nor a
believer of the 'keep your hands on the belay when your partner tells
you to' theory, nor even (surprisingly) a member of the 'keep your
hands on the friggin' brake rope, man, this shit is too spicy for you
to be diddling around in the pack with both hands' school. Turns out he
was a member of the "GEORGE. PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE FUCKING ROPE AND
FIND THE GODDAMN BEEF JERKY LATER" school.

+2 Glad I Wore A Helmet Points
-2 Pansy Re-Affirmation Points
-3 First Time Yelling At A Partner In Anger

13)Ixtlan. May 06. Always wanted to do that thing. I coerce a sport
climber babe to join me for the first three pitches. Barely scratch my
way up the first pitch (shoulda' made her lead it). Enjoy the hell out
of the second. Third pitch is a steep and featureless (for red rocks,
anyways) OW with bolts. I clip the first one, a little baby bolt, and
Curse the sandbagging Urioste wretches for telling me they drilled 3/8"
holes. Then the second and third bolts, and give silent reverent
apologetic thanks to the Urioste saints for getting it right three
times out of four and sinking proper fatties where the climbing was
tough. Go to clip the last homemade hanger and ..no.. the rope ratnests
in her belay device. I whimper 'please, please, Please, Please, oh
Please..' as she frantically wrestles a few inches through and i clip
and squirm through into friendly-land.

+4 Catharsis Points
-2 Ego Points (as i watch non-crack-climbing never-OW'd sporto babe
cruise the wide stuff with minimal whimper and one eeny-weeny hang)

14)Boston Rock Gym. June 06. that very same sport-chica is visiting
boston and wants to climb. too bad it rains every day, all day. we
settle for a gym jaunt, and i flame out and fall off a 25' 5.8 on the
"lead" wall (no kidding) while she walks the bat-woman roof routes like
a gecko. a gecko with long dark hair. and breasts.

-3 Style Points
-2 Ego Points
-4 All Remaining Sex'l Desirability Points

15)OZ to Gram Traverse. July 06. drive by that thing every day and
eventually you will have to climb it. find a friend who wants to join
up, get some beta (it protects well! i won't die!) and spend a pleasant
twenty minutes shivering beneath the first pitch, bantering with
another couple who got there first as we try to convince each other
that the other team should go first. it falls to us, and then we spend
another ten minutes trying to convince each other that the other person
should take the first lead. gooooooo team Self-Motivation!

i argued/harassed/shamed her into the first lead, even though it meant
seconding the money 3rd pitch. then she pre-bailed on the third pitch
(yes!) and i stemmed my way up the purty splitter until punching it in
layback mode at the bulge. maybe the corner is getting a wee bit
polished, or just maybe i need to brush up the footwork. 'soon as i got
stonker bitchin way-rad fingerlocks above the bulge, darned if my feet
didnt cut loose, 15' past a red alien, and then cut loose again. moment
of silence please..

naw! i stuck it. i told you they were good fingerlocks. i then go on to
lead both pitches of the traverse, putting my enormous rack to good use
as i plug every single decent jam shut with a cam and then cry my way
past it on smears and tips underclings and luck. then it's 80' of
cruuuuuuiser knob climbing with one spot for a cam and admiring the
storm clouds roll in while she aids the pitch (probably because i
plugged every single decent jam shut with a cam. maybe.)

+3 Six Excellent Pitches
+2 Testpiece Buzz
-2 Mo' Style Points

16)Technical Rescue on Mountaineer's Dome. I get talked into climbing
'Hoodwinked' by a persuasive partner with long legs. I find it awkward
and un-fun but we get to watch a girl hang at the cruxy horizontal
roof-pull for an hour while we climb three pitches to her level. She
tries and slumps, pulls on draws and fails, yells to her unhearing
partner, tries and slumps, more yells to her distant partner, hangs and
hangs, whimpers a bit (oh lord, thank you, im not the only one..) and
hangs.

Well, Clearly something isn't working, and now she's holding up
traffic. Beth anchors me and i pull her into the rock and we chat about
prussiks and set her up and send her on her way. but wait? what's this?
now her partner is lowering her, as she hangs in mid-air, prussiking
badly, like some sort of nightmarish vertical treadmill. well f* that.

i am elected to lead this crux 14 foot pitch (scary!) which i do, and
set up a quick 6:1 and haul her up real snappy-like, while she croons
chest-expanding words like "you're *so* strong" and beth laughs and
laughs and laughs (because she knows the dark truth about my weakling
ways).

anyways, we hope she dumped that boyfriend.

-2 Route Suck Points
+1 Damsel in Distress Points
-2 Stealing a Technical Call-out from the SAR Team (17 bucks an hour!)

17)Delusional Cragging Aspirations. August 06. Get spanked on 'Do or
Fly', twice. First, unexpectedly falling out of the low crux when a
tape glove rips and inverts, preserved from the spine board by two
lobes of a bootied #1 friend (lower me. NOW.) and then, on take 2,
torch my forearms placing multiple pieces at the crux and downclimbing
to the rest stance. three times. and then, despite milking every
possible stance for the rest of the climb, never manage to de-pump and
lamely drop off the top move. next i attempt to solo TR 'tideline'
after reading scary testing results on the trango cinch, and am so
gripped i hang every six inches (completely irrational, mind you). i
round out the week by jumping on 'lord caffeine' and manage to put a
cam in every foot and a half (the notorious "Anthony Gram Traverse
Technique") thereby flaming out before the top again in a most unheroic
fashion. now i have to go back and try them another day. horrible.

-2 Style Points
-2 Weakling Ways Exposed
-3 Almost ate it on 'Do or Fly'

18)Third Pillar of Rain-a. September 06. Pretty consistent build-up
over Mt. Dana in the afternoons. But why should that stop us from
getting a late start, botching the approach-descent, and getting in
line behind three parties. And why does 5.8 feel so hard? And why are
the clouds getting so big so quickly? Beth? Are you worried? (insert
grumpy face here).

Bail. (Upside: gotta' love making intricate jammed-knot rap anchors).
Barely made it up to the plateau when it starts cats-n-doggin', hail
carpet, some snow, and dang it if i didn't leave all four windows
cracked, and then I show up in the meadows where everything is sunny
and peachy and everyone looks at me funny when i drip. ('we take our
clothes off before we shower').

+1 Mountaineering Common Sense
-1 Mountaineering Common Sense
-1 Bail Dishonor Points
+1 Bagged that puppy coupla' weeks later, tho'.

19)Me 'n Matthes. The backbone of Tuolumne. one side to the other.
nothing to carry except a silly hat, a camera, and some chalk. frees me
up to shoulder all that bliss.

+1 Sky Hiking Points
+3 Mountain Euphoria Points
-1 Goodbye, Tuolumne

And the final score?

-7 Goober TR Points. and i can't believe you read this far. it must be
raining. don't you have a job?

happy new year,
anthony anagnostou

Klooch Man

unread,
Dec 30, 2006, 2:24:18 PM12/30/06
to
That *was* long, but hey; it was a year and a half. I enjoyed it. Happy
New Year to you.

Andy Cairns

Chiloe

unread,
Jan 1, 2007, 2:23:50 PM1/1/07
to
Read the whole thing and enjoyed it. Sounds like you had a pretty good
year.

Dawn Alguard

unread,
Jan 2, 2007, 10:10:08 AM1/2/07
to
ant wrote:

> TR: keeping score 05/06

What's this? Climbing stuff? I think you're in the wrong
place.

Nice TR and sounds like a good year. Fun and busy.

Dawn

^,,^

unread,
Jan 3, 2007, 5:51:25 PM1/3/07
to

_ good eye for excellent alpine granite //aka, if you agree with me
you're a fook'in genius. (ps: try Dana/3 again - big magic up high -
then tell no one):
+3 TR points

_ focus on what is truly memorable over time (people, vistas, wind
knots, stupid bivis & etc) rather than just the next dumb adjectival
grade:
+3 TR pts

_ actually volunteer for a chimney route - in nevada(!):
-2 TR pts

_ turn our people onto the upside of $3.87 bobmart beach shoes wedgied
under one's harness (that and a pair of fattie woolies):
+1 TR pts

_ actually lead on Sedona FSB//FossilizedBirdShit (less +1 FOY
//FollyOfYouth bonus pt:
-1 TR pts

_ chasing cute hiney up a route, rather than simply pimping at the
turnout parking lot -- twice. (less +1 FOY //FollyOfYouth bonus pt:
-1 TR pts

net result, +3 TR pts.

well done. honey, i owe you a beer. find me and its yours.
~~~~~~~~~~

that and you sew. oh, marry me. well, change gender and marry me. my
pal zeke used to sew, and once, long ago, sewed bobble eyes and red yarn
lips on each of a pair of dachstein mitts for me. a few months later i
spent the last 3 of 9 days in a snow tomb doing this bad hypothermic
apoxic didi and gogo variant on kukla fraan and ollie:

"so macleod, the genius, said this was the purrfect descent option"
"and bbc/india said we had _at least_ 10 days of 'stable weather'"
"and macleod, the genius, decided we should, hence, 'go fast and light'
-- as in one bivi sac, 6 tiger milk bars, 2 pkgs of glaswegian
shortbread cookies, 2 gaz blueys, 6 tea bags, and 30 indian
pharmaceutical standard amphetimine caps would be plenty. plenty.
plenty..."
"s'allright?"
"s'allright."
"s'allright?"
"s'allright."
"s'allright?"
"s'allright."
ah, nevermind. you had to be there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

electric ant, atomic mouse... i'm starting to realize that i much
prefer the posts of small creatures of high amperage. hell, i wanna be
a small creature (got that) of high amperage (still working on that).

ok, howsa'bout this: static cling dog

ok, i'll get back to you on that front.

sheesh

canis fidelis est,

^,,^


~~~~~~~~~~~~OB:OtrPplQuoteWad Follows~~~~~~~~~~
"Good manners are the pocket change of morality." -Roy Blount Jr.
"Remember what you have seen, because everything forgotten returns to
the circling winds." -from a Navajo chant for the elderly
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's
too dark to read." -Groucho Marx
~~~~~~~~~~~~OB:OtrPplQuoteWad Ends~~~~~~~~~~~~
FWIW, i was prez of the ymc back in those (end of) daze when it was
still the ymc rather than it's current rather schmarmy ycc. back then
climbing was much p'shawed in blues haven. back when we climbed Farnam
unroped and in the dark. monthly. rarely sober. there were, then,
essentially, just three of us. the other two went on to be much
acclaim, one at altitude, the other in europe (pumpin' plastic). me, i
just milked the living shit out of the dizzy alum and two decades of
untouched endowment interest (and you wondered where the money went...)
got a pair of edelweiss doubles and a pair of old schule foot fangs
("club equipment"); two roundtrips to khatmandu ("club travel
expenses"), and this one monster meal at 'Maxwell's Plum' in nyc with
some flounder of a cutie i confounded at a new paltz parking lot ("club
social event"). that and, oh yeah, every climbing guide to every dream
spot i had ever wet dreamed of (when i should have been reading
something important). in all, a solid 2 feet of CCL shelf space... that
before i 'borrowed' (ok, stole) it on my last day - to date permanently.
though i have left mention in my will that all of my climbo hippy
books get shot back to CCL. paul ross' guide to cathedral, with chalked
blood stains, pencilled notes, and pages missing. i'm sure they're
absolutely counting the days to get that one back. heee heee

Simon Isbister

unread,
Jan 3, 2007, 11:39:28 PM1/3/07
to

"^,,^ " <rocksciS...@windstream.net> wrote in message
news:92369$459c3370$a228068f$30...@ALLTEL.NET...

> "s'allright?"
> "s'allright."
> "s'allright?"
> "s'allright."
> "s'allright?"
> "s'allright."
> ah, nevermind. you had to be there.

No, no, its working just fine!

-s-


Klooch Man

unread,
Jan 4, 2007, 4:32:27 PM1/4/07
to

^,,^ wrote:
> paul ross' guide to cathedral,

A moment of screen time, too, for

A Climber's Guide to Cathedral and White Horse Ledges, Joseph and Karen
Cote

and

Cannon: A Climber's Guide, Howard Peterson and John Porter

and, Hell, while we're at it

MITOC xeroxed guide to Quincy Quarries circa '67

oops, my career arc is showing

but, yes, atomic mouse is QUITE the storyteller, an SABC DJ in one of
his careers.

Andy Cairns

Craig A. Clarence

unread,
Jan 4, 2007, 11:15:26 PM1/4/07
to
Great TR, I loved it. Feel your pain on Fiddler - I hope never to be that
scared again...

"ant" <dummya...@electricant.net> wrote in message
news:1167468569.1...@k21g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
> TR: keeping score 05/06

Paul Day

unread,
Jan 5, 2007, 1:45:29 AM1/5/07
to
On 30 Dec 2006 00:49:29 -0800 ant may have written:
> TR: keeping score 05/06

Damn entertaining read Ant. :) Next one please!

PD

--
Paul Day
Web: http://www.enigma.id.au/

Paulina

unread,
Jan 8, 2007, 11:01:50 AM1/8/07
to
ant wrote:
> TR: keeping score 05/06

Chiming in late: thanks for the TR, ant! Wishing all of us such
adventures in the new year.

Cheers
Paulina

0 new messages