TR: YOSEMITE - SERIOUS CLIMBING
BURT BRONSON
WOULD GRACE EVERYONE WITH SOME EXCELLENT WRITING AND TO ALSO HELP EVERYONE
TRY TO IMAGINE WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE TO BE A SERIOUS VALLEY CLIMBER LIKE ME.
MOST PEOPLE JUST HAVE NO IDEA, SO I THOUGHT I WOULD RECORD MY EXPERIENCES
FOR THE 99.99 NON-SERIOUS CLIMBERS OUT THERE IN THE CYBER WORLD. ENJOY!
AS YOU ALL KNOW, I AM THE LAST BASTION OF THE SERIOUS CLIMBER. THEREFORE,
MY GOALS IN THE VALLEY WERE FAR MORE SERIOUS THAN WHAT YOU PEOPLE HAVE. MY
OBJECTIONS FOR THIS TRIP WERE:
1) ASTROMAN IN SUB 3 HOURS WITH ONLY 3 NUTS, AND 2 CAMS - LINKING WITH CREST
JEWEL AND A DOWN CLIMB OF ROYAL ARCHES TO THE DEVIL POOLS - TOTAL CLIMB TIME
TO NAKED TIME AT THE POOLS: 6 HOURS
2) SOLO OF STECK-SALATHE BESTING HENERY BARBER'S TIME OF 2:45
3) SOLO OF THE GOOD BOOK WITH NO HELMET WHILE DODGING LOOSE AND FALLING ROCK
4) FREEBLAST BEFORE CURRY BREAKFAST BUFFET OPENS WHILE GETTING COMPLETELY
HAMMERED THE NIGHT BEFORE
5) PANTY RAID OF THE HUBERS FIXED LEDGE ON ZODIAC WHILE ASCENDING THE ROUTE
IN SUB 8 HOURS SOLO
6) THE ROSTRUM TO THE ALIEN FINISH WHILE TAMING A PERIGRINE FALCON NESTING
THERE TO BRING HOME AS A PET
7) SOLO OF GENERATOR CRACK IN RUNNING SHOES WHILE ON REST DAY/MORNING JOG TO
TUOLOMNE AND BACK
8) SMOKE AND DRINK BEER FROM BROWN BAG ON THE PIZZA DECK WHILE SCAVAGING
PIZZA AND DODGING THE YCS EMPLOYEES
9) SANDBAG THE NUMOURUS FIRST TIME WALL CLIMBERS WITH BAD WEATHER BETA AT
THE START OF THE NOSE TO TEST THEIR SERIOUSNESS
10) SMOKE MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF WEED WITH CHONGO AND THEN TELL HIM HE'S GOT
RELATIVITY ALL WRONG
AS YOU WOULD HAVE GUESSED, ALL GOALS WERE COMPLETED AND ACTUALLY SURPASSED.
MY TIME ON ASTROMAN WAS 2:20:43 AND WAS NAKED WITH COCK IN HAND AT 4:53:32.
MY TIME ON STECK-SALATHE WAS 1:23:21. I SUCESSFULLY DODGED FALLING ROCK ON
THE GOOD BOOK AND EVEN MANAGED ANOTHER SLIDE! FREEBLAST WAS A JOKE BUT
BREAKFAST WAS GREAT. I HAVE MUCH OF THE HUBERS GEAR AND A NEW SOLO RECORD
FOR ZODIAC. MY PET FALCONS NAME IS BECKEY. I'VE DOWNGRADED THE GENERATOR
TO 5.3+. I OWNED THE PIZZA DECK. NO NOSE GUMBIES PASSED MY TEST, WHICH IS
GOOD, AS I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE RESCUEING PEOPLE ON THIS TRIP. CHONGO HAS
ACCEPTED HE KNOWS NOTHING OF RELATIVITY AND CONFESSED THAT HIS BOOK IS A
SCAM - AS A SIDE NOTE, HE DID HAVE REALLY GOOD WEED.
BURT BRONSON
THE LAST BASTION OF THE SERIOUS CLIMBER
Hardman Knott
"BURT BRONSON" <A...@I4REAL.COM> wrote:
> HI NG. BURT BRONSON HERE. SINCE THIS NG IS GOING DOWNHILL, I THOUGHT I
> WOULD GRACE EVERYONE WITH SOME EXCELLENT WRITING AND TO ALSO HELP EVERYONE
> TRY TO IMAGINE WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE TO BE A SERIOUS VALLEY CLIMBER LIKE ME.
> MOST PEOPLE JUST HAVE NO IDEA, SO I THOUGHT I WOULD RECORD MY EXPERIENCES
> FOR THE 99.99 NON-SERIOUS CLIMBERS OUT THERE IN THE CYBER WORLD. ENJOY!
Thanks Burt, we were starting to worry about you.
Did you do alot of manly things with SERIOUS, non girly-man men?
Hardman Knott
--
Park the SUV; dump the latte. Grab a SERIOUS beverage, and go to:
http://www.oceandave.com
Karl Baba
YOU ARE A LYING PIECE OF CRAP BURT!
HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO BELIEVE BREAKFAST AT CURRY WAS GREAT! YOU'LL
PROBABLY CLAIM IT WAS CHEAP TOO!
OR DID YOU SMOKE THAT WEED BEFORE BREAKFAST?
SAVE US FROM OURSELVES!
KARL "THE LAST BASTARD OF NOTHING IN PARTICULAR" BABA
--
Remove NOSPAM to email
http://member.newsguy.com/~climbing/
Jacques Poggio
Will Niccolls
Jacques Poggio <poggi...@mangoosta.net> wrote in message
news:bbn0en$1fl$1...@biggoron.nerim.net...
> Anything wrong with your "Caps Lock" key ?
>
>
Actually it appears to be working quite well, wouldn't you say?
THANKS BURT AND KEEP IT COMING!
WILL NICCOLLS
Wiclimber
IT ROCKED!!!!
Mark Cato
- Karl Baba <gu...@NOSPAMnewsguy.com> wrote:
> YOU ARE A LYING PIECE OF CRAP BURT!
>
> HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO BELIEVE BREAKFAST AT CURRY WAS GREAT! YOU'LL
> PROBABLY CLAIM IT WAS CHEAP TOO!
>
> OR DID YOU SMOKE THAT WEED BEFORE BREAKFAST?
>
> SAVE US FROM OURSELVES!
>
> KARL "THE LAST BASTARD OF NOTHING IN PARTICULAR" BABA
I never take anyone's restaurant recommendations SERIOUSLY if they went
immediately after climbing or getting high. I find it badly impairs
judgment. On that note, Front Porch pizza may be bad, but I'll never know.
Thanks for the report, BURT.
mark
_____________________
Mark Cato
mdc...@andrew.cmu.edu
David Collins
>
> I never take anyone's restaurant recommendations SERIOUSLY if they went
> immediately after climbing or getting high. I find it badly impairs
> judgment. On that note, Front Porch pizza may be bad, but I'll never know.
>
> Thanks for the report, BURT.
>
> mark
Mark
You've never been rained out at Seneca, with nothing to do other than
hang out at the Gendarme or the Front Porch? Their best topping? The
roof above your head. The pizza is better than their other menu options
though. Verified after last weekend's climbing involving no more than
three real moves.
David
Andy Gale
BURT BRONSON wrote:
> AS YOU WOULD HAVE GUESSED, ALL GOALS WERE COMPLETED AND ACTUALLY SURPASSED.
> MY TIME ON ASTROMAN WAS 2:20:43 AND WAS NAKED WITH COCK IN HAND AT 4:53:32.
Whose cock?
Mark Cato
I've been chased off of Seneca repeatedly! Those are about the only
options aside from packing up and heading home. I actually like the pizza
at the Front Porch. As I said, I may be too hungry to be impartial.
Sorry to hear you were rained out. I guess I should be happy I bagged my
plans. Any forthcoming non-report? Epic adventure?
So we keep this relevant to the group:
Front Porch pizza: good or just the only game in town?
Rain on the metal roof: soothing or a cruel reminder your climbing is done
for the day?
mark (bagged more trips than I've been on this season)
_____________________
Mark Cato
mdc...@andrew.cmu.edu
Jason Liebgott
David Collins
> > You've never been rained out at Seneca, with nothing to do other than
> > hang out at the Gendarme or the Front Porch? Their best topping? The
> > roof above your head. The pizza is better than their other menu options
> > though. Verified after last weekend's climbing involving no more than
> > three real moves.
> >
> > David
>
> I've been chased off of Seneca repeatedly! Those are about the only
> options aside from packing up and heading home. I actually like the pizza
> at the Front Porch. As I said, I may be too hungry to be impartial.
>
> Sorry to hear you were rained out. I guess I should be happy I bagged my
> plans. Any forthcoming non-report? Epic adventure?
See below for Seneca rain TR. I should get a Red Rocks TR out in a day
or two.
> Front Porch pizza: good or just the only game in town?
Bring your own.
So here goes: Seneca rain days.
Went down Friday night to help with ECP climbing school graduation trip.
Rain, rain and more rain Friday night but at least it had stopped by
Saturday morning. Got our hopes up and decided to introduce our student,
Brian, to Seneca exposure via Gunsight to South Peak. A few blue patches
had us talking of sunscreen. Hannah led East Face to Gunsight (5.0),
ironically one of the two routes Brian had done at Seneca. My turn to
lead. Was that a plane or thunder? A few drops fall but it let up.
Bailed on G to SP as we'd all have to do at least two pitches before
being able to rappel easily. Decided on something lower down and with an
easier escape so we hike down to Ecstacy Jr. After lunch I started up in
the deepening gloom. Pulled the first move and reach the ledge with the
big trees. Waited a bit to watch the weather and a few more drops fell.
Decided that I'd rather wait on the ground and downclimb. The deluge
began and it was all over at Seneca for Saturday. What we accomplished:
a circumnavigation of South Peak, requiring about three actual moves. We
spent an hour in the visitor center listening to local music - Wilmoth
Cooper - really very good. That was the day's highlight. The sogginess
continued through the night but the forecast for Sunday was good.
They were wrong. It was not exactly raining but the howling wind was
rearranging the low clouds and it had the same effect. After breakfast
at the 4U we drove back to Pittsburgh only to hit perfectly clear
weather about halfway home. We were too frustrated to even stop at one
of our local areas.
There you are. Beat that one BURT.
David
steve m
> 7) SOLO OF GENERATOR CRACK IN RUNNING SHOES WHILE ON REST DAY/MORNING JOG TO
> TUOLOMNE AND BACK
I'VE DOWNGRADED THE GENERATOR
> TO 5.3+. >
> BURT BRONSON
> THE LAST BASTION OF THE SERIOUS CLIMBER
I'VE NEVER HEARD OF ANYBODY RATING THIS EASIER THAN 5.6!!
WHICH WAY DID YOU FACE?
SM
melissa
BURT BRONSON
RIVER, BUT I AM A SERIOUS CLIMBER. FACING THE RIVER WOULD HAVE BEEN 4TH
CLASS AT THE MOST - AN I AM SERIOUS.
BURT BRONSON
THE LAST BASTION OF THE SERIOUS CLIMBER
"steve m" <steve....@driscolls.com> wrote in message
news:1937e840.03060...@posting.google.com...
BURT BRONSON
HANGS OUT AT THE DEVIL POOLS WITH COCK IN HAND, TOTALLY SPREAD EAGLE SO AS
EVERYONE COMING UP THE TRAIL CAN SEE MY SERIOUS HAIRY HOLE. I REALLY THINK
THE LADIES ENJOY THIS. THE FUNNY THING ABOUT IT IS THERE ONLY SEEMS TO BE
MEN AT THE DEVIL POOLS.... STRANGE.
YEAH - I'M THAT GUY!
BURT BRONSON
THE LAST BASTION OF THE SERIOUS CLIMBER
"Andy Gale" <ag...@scripps.edu> wrote in message
news:3EDF7B1A...@scripps.edu...
>
>
BURT BRONSON
BURT BRONSON
THE LAST BASTION OF THE SERIOUS CLIMBER
"Jacques Poggio" <poggi...@mangoosta.net> wrote in message
news:bbn0en$1fl$1...@biggoron.nerim.net...
BURT BRONSON
EXCELLENT!
BURT BRONSON
"Karl Baba" <gu...@NOSPAMnewsguy.com> wrote in message
news:040620032233560880%gu...@NOSPAMnewsguy.com...
Sue
<SNIP>
best of 2003 nomination.
Mad Dog
>Andy Gale wrote
>> BURT BRONSON wrote:
>>>MY TIME ON ASTROMAN WAS 2:20:43 AND WAS NAKED WITH COCK IN HAND AT
>4:53:32.
>>Whose cock?
>Ron Cock?
RCGH03. Damn, perfectly good beer out the nose. Who's gonna clean up the mess?
You three deserve the tandem trio award. Especially BURT, who walked backwards
into that revolving door.
The Rockstar
news:NOhardmanSPAM-F5B...@nnrp04.earthlink.net:
> In article <nxydncEIrP8...@comcast.com>,
> "BURT BRONSON" <A...@I4REAL.COM> wrote:
>
>> HI NG. BURT BRONSON HERE. SINCE THIS NG IS GOING DOWNHILL, I
>> THOUGHT I WOULD GRACE EVERYONE WITH SOME EXCELLENT WRITING AND TO
>> ALSO HELP EVERYONE TRY TO IMAGINE WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE TO BE A
>> SERIOUS VALLEY CLIMBER LIKE ME. MOST PEOPLE JUST HAVE NO IDEA, SO I
>> THOUGHT I WOULD RECORD MY EXPERIENCES FOR THE 99.99 NON-SERIOUS
>> CLIMBERS OUT THERE IN THE CYBER WORLD. ENJOY!
>
>
> Thanks Burt, we were starting to worry about you.
>
> Did you do alot of manly things with SERIOUS, non girly-man men?
>
> Hardman Knott
>
>
BURT BRONSON - ROCKSTAR HERE - YOU ARE TRUE MAN, NOT LIKE THE REST OF
THE COWARDS ON THIS NEWSGROUP - YOU REMIND ME OF MYSELF BEFORE
DISK FAIL. MEN OF TODAY WEAK - NOT READY FOR COMING WAR WITH ISLAM.
NEED A REASON TO GO TO WAR. IT MAY BE UP TO YOU AND ME TO SAVE THIS
SPORT. I WILL BE SENDING SOME UCLA COEDS UP TO VALLEY TO HELP YOU
HEAL.
LOVE
ROCKSTAR
Tim Stich
Yeah, I second that nomination! I tried to share BURT's TR with
texasclimbers.com, but apparantly the moderator didn't find it funny.
Their loss. Just one more reason rec.climbing's SERIOUSLY UNMODERATED
CLIMBING is once again, the shit that smells the best.
-Stich
jean
Are you single?
:)
-jean (not able to climb on my new ACL yet... might as well hook up, eh?)
Mark
Karl brings up a good point Curry breakfast sucks trust me I've eaten
it, it's not the best by far. And you know what Burt all this rambling
about how much of a bad ass you are isn't getting you anywhere or any
respect. Not until I see your fat boasting ass doing all this shit
will i give any recognition. You are probably some self loathing pussy
who sits in your single wide on the computer writing all this shit.
Because you went to a climbing gym and beat 7 year olds in a race on
the practice slab. It's not cool dude. Now i'm not saying i'm the next
cliffhanger. But i don't talk all this mad shit about how rad i am.
Dude it's not really working. Have any of the replies you gotten an
asset to your fame. Not really from what read. So write about
something more than your weak sauce bullshit.
zt
David
"Mark" <pthund...@yahoo.com> wrote in message news:1grvevomkacbgsht5...@4ax.com...
>
> Karl brings up a good point Curry breakfast sucks trust me I've eaten
> it, it's not the best by far. And you know what Burt all this rambling
> about how much of a bad ass you are isn't getting you anywhere or any
> respect.
Are you SERIOUS??
Michael A. Riches
pthund...@yahoo.com wrote on 6/17/03 10:51 PM:
>
> Karl brings up a good point Curry breakfast sucks trust me I've eaten
> it, it's not the best by far. And you know what Burt all this rambling
> about how much of a bad ass you are isn't getting you anywhere or any
> respect. Not until I see your fat boasting ass doing all this shit
> will i give any recognition. You are probably some self loathing pussy
> who sits in your single wide on the computer writing all this shit.
> Because you went to a climbing gym and beat 7 year olds in a race on
> the practice slab. It's not cool dude. Now i'm not saying i'm the next
> cliffhanger. But i don't talk all this mad shit about how rad i am.
> Dude it's not really working. Have any of the replies you gotten an
> asset to your fame. Not really from what read. So write about
> something more than your weak sauce bullshit.
>
> zt
Burt..."SERIOUSLY", I'm embarrassed for you, obviously this dhuuude ain't
really "SERIOUS", but as you know this is a free forum.
Hey...I know, we should create the first international internet scale of
"SERIOUSNESS"...??? Burt...??? "SERIOUSLY" whatcha think...??? We could rate
all flame posts on a scale of say S1 to S10. Later, as the thing catches on,
we could add letter grades to each category, say like S1a, b, c or d (Kinda
unique ...huhhhhh...???) That way if the post is close but not quite to the
last but not as much as the next, uhhhhh, welll, you get the thing...anyway
Burt, as an almost "SERIOUS" Dhuuude let me know whatcha think and I'll get
the ball rolling...
Ratzzz....("SERIOUS" Dhuuude wannnabe...)
rich rookie
> about how much of a bad ass you are isn't getting you anywhere or any
> respect. Not until I see your fat boasting ass doing all this shit
> will i give any recognition.
but he has his own line of sports clothing. Burt must be SERIOUS. I don't
understand, how could he not be serious?
richard
Bill Wright
Agreed. That was flat-out hilarious!
BURT, can I post this on my site?
Bill
