So I was headed home this afternoon with 2 quick deliveries to do before
hand. I am sitting in the left lane on a heavily traveled road that sits
behind a massive office complex(Nuckols Rd behind Innsbrook for locals)
waiting for a light to change. It's 4:15 always the best time to be
around this office park..not. I look in my rearview mirror, a habit that
helps when a quick lane change is needed, and see a white mini-van
flying down the turning lane to my left. The van suddenly veers into my
lane. Oh shit..it must be Willy T!! I hear a wham...another
wham...another wham...then a boink. The second and third wham and the
boink I felt and they were the sounds of my 11 week old baby having it's
cherry popped. That would be my 2001 Grand Prix GT. :-( The GP will now
be reffered to as The Bird Killer (TBK for short).
First thought was to kill that MoFo. Second thought was to punch the
Onstar button. Third thought was that I sure could tell the belts locked
like they should...my chest hurt. My next thought was to get out and
meet my new friends. I see two vehicles in the right lane became victims
of this also. What the hell? The driver of the mini-van is **-v- this is
for you** a woman who now is in hysterics. Oh lovely, she's Hispanic,
does not speak English and there are two very young little girls in the
van. I'll say right now that the 6 vehicles held 10 occupants. The van
driver may have broken her arm..but nobody else was injured at all thank
goodness. The fellow I thumped twice had two early teen boys in his
wagon. I gotta give kudos to Henrico County Emergency Services. One
officer just happened to be coming along behind us. He was there just
about 1 minute after impact. Two other officers, a fire truck and a
rescue squad were all on the scene in just minutes. Can't ask for better
response in rush hour traffic.
Here's is what happened. The mini-van driver is a Venezuelan on a work
Visa with no insurance. Hello State Farm! She is a nanny. Her boss
showed up very quickly. She says she lost her brakes. But the bosslady
thinks that was BS. It is her mini-van and she knows the brakes were
fine. As a side note the bosslady was HAWT. Another side note her hubby
never got out of the Mercedes...rich baster. I offered up the evidence
and seeing her switch lanes very quickly. I added that tells me she
either had no brakes or was distracted by the kids. She slammed into a
rented Mitsubishi Alamante or Adamante. Sorry Avis. The driver is a
native of South Africa living in the Boston area and working as an
engineer. This was his second visit to the City of the Monuments. Nice
memory. He is pushed into TBK which pushed TBK into a Tauras Wagon.
Somewhere along the line my foot slips off the brake pedal and in an
effort to find the brake I punched the gas giving the wagon another
thump. After thumping the rental the nanny popped a pretty blue pickup,
a Dodge I think. She came to rest leaning on the bumper of an
Expedition.

The damage:
One 1998 Mercury Voyager mini-van..totaled. Severe front end damage.

One 2000 or 2001 Mitsubishi rental: Severe rear end damage. Busted
radiator, tranny fluid all over the joint.
You could see the impression of the license plate number from the
mini-van on the rear bumper.

One new looking Dodge pickup. Scape along the left front bumper.

One Expedition. Nothing. Just lifted his rear end off the ground
slightly.

One Tauras wagon. Dented bumper.

TBK. Front License plate bent. Now conforms to the shape of the bumper.
I wipe off a little dust from the Wagon. I can't really see the rear at
first because the rental is leaning on it. When I take a look...only
scrapes. UN-F*CKING-BELIEVE-A-BLE. Myself and my new buddy from S.
Africa are amazed at how little damage there was to my rear bumper. Who
says they don't make cars sturdy today?

After about an hour or so of standing in the middle of the road, under a
90+ degree sun, thirsty, having not had lunch and, quite honestly,
needing a potty break, the four driveable cars are released back into
rush hour traffic.

So, being the dedicated delivery guy suck up that I am, I continue to
make my two deliveries. I drive about 3 minutes to my first destination.
I get out check my bumper since I never looked at it after pulling away
from the rental. OMG!!! There is a tiny little dent on the rear bumper!
UN-F*CKING-BELIEVE-A-BLE. I continue on to destination number 2.
Resedential home....where the hell are you??? Three roads with the same
name Sandy Bluff. One is Road, one is Court and the third one is Place.
That's the one I need. Where the hell is it? Found it. I head home,
about another 5 minute ride. I leave plenty of distance since I am
riding thru a heavy construction zone. Watch it folks....deflowered car
here...give me room. The first entrance to my complex comes up. I'll go
to the second one thank you. Oh I see I am not alone. I am third in line
to turn into my complex. Why didn't you turn ol' bat? Oh..the damn
entrance is blocked by the construction. But it's 6PM and nobody is
working! Can I slide thru? Nah....I'll turn around in the shopping
center and head for the other entrance. So me and the Ol' Bat wind thru
the shopping center and get back on the road....lady the light is
green..punch it. Whoops...no officer around? Good. So I wind my way back
thru the complex. Hey! They did not block off the other end of the
road!! F'in morons left the signs up!! Thank you Henrico County Public
Works. I get out and look at my bumper one more time. Owww....radiator
fluid all over the bumper, glad it ain't mine.

I gotta say it all happened so fast that you can't react to it and I saw
it coming. The Expedition guy saw it coming. The other 3 didn't. The
speed limit on that road is 45. I think the fact that there was only one
minor injury made the 5 of us victims more relaxed. Maybe relieved. We
joked alot about things. Nobody said it, but I think we all realised
that I could have been alot worse.

So now The Bird Killer is rechristened as The Armored Bird Killer. TABK
for short.

Thanks for indulging me.

John

BTW, I never did punch the Onstar button. As the Wagon guy said, "I got
out and saw 4 cellphones already in action. No need for me to get mine."

--

"The car was diabolical."
 -Greg Ray at Pikes Pike International Raceway
  June 17, 2001

Didn't you just want to do the ONSTAR thing anyway, to see if it really worked?
 I have that in my vehicle and I'm going to call sometime just to say I locked
my keys in the car.

Sorry it was such a 'chitty' day!

Julie
NASCARJULES

"I had Shit for Brains"...while in Richmond  <EG>
Go # 5, # 18, # 1, and # 8

Glad everyone was unhurt.

Next thing you know companies will be sending you junk mail becasue they
know you drive by on a daily basis..
that's scary!!!

too big brotherish for my liking.....

John

--

"The car was diabolical."
 -Greg Ray at Pikes Pike International Raceway
  June 17, 2001

John

--

"The car was diabolical."
 -Greg Ray at Pikes Pike International Raceway
  June 17, 2001