On 06/04/2012 1:34 AM, elzbet wrote:
2> Newsgroups:
rec.arts.tv
2> If This Group's Assholes Were Computer Programs:
What do this group's assholes have to do with television, elzbet?
2> Barb May is the antivirus program that insists on broadcasting a shrill
2> alarm every twenty minutes or so because of some harmless file rename or
2> other.
What does antivirus have to do with television, elzbet?
2> Thanatos is that ancient program that insists on only voluntarily
2> yielding its timeslice to the operating system and will not submit to
2> preemptive multitasking, so if it ever crashes ...
What does preemptive multitasking have to do with television, elzbet?
2> Newport is that annoying thing which is spinning using a whole core,
2> vomiting a gigabyte or so an hour of meaningless junk into its logfile,
2> while ignoring any signal you can think to send it (trapped, as it were,
2> in a loop).
What does Newport have to do with television, elzbet?
2> Hunter is the video game with the long unskippable expository cutscenes
2> that always seem to be located between a checkpoint and a difficult fight
2> or jumping puzzle.
What do jumping puzzles have to do with television, elzbet?
2> Seamus is the app that is always grabbing focus to pop up messages saying
2> File Not Found anytime something is changed without going through its own
2> interface to make that change. CSI Not Found, SVU Not Found, Seamus Not
2> Found ... It may be a virus, particularly seeing as how it keeps setting
2> off the antivirus and UAC.
Who is "Seamus", elzbet? There is nobody in this newsgroup using that alias.
2> anim8rfsk is the bot someone's using to spam RottenTomatoes.com with one-
2> star ratings for every single thing, ever.
What does your speculation that anim8rfsk is a bot have to do with
television, elzbet?
2> RichA is the thingy that periodically pops up a low battery warning
2> despite the machine not even being a laptop.
What do low battery warnings have to do with television, elzbet?
2> trotsky is the filter program that tries to stop you from using Facebook
2> at work. Emphasis on the "tries".
What does Facebook have to do with television, elzbet?
2> Ubiquitous is that program whose error messages are frequent, cryptic,
2> and almost invariably themselves erroneous.
What do Ubiquitous's frequent errors have to do with television, elzbet?
2> Brian Henke is the random teapot that occasionally pops up in the 3D
2> Pipes screensaver and usually goes unnoticed when it does, since no-one's
2> in the room.
What do screensavers have to do with television, elzbet?
2> wolfagain is the poorly-translated Japanese video game with blatantly
2> offensive content and barely-literate subtitles.
What does wolfagain's blatantly offensive content have to do with
television, elzbet?
2> Mason Barge is the buggy cron job that starts daily, then promptly
2> crashes and dumps core, and "Charades vs. The Game" is the corefile it
2> keeps appending to.
What does "Charades vs. The Game" have to do with television, elzbet?
2> David is the MOTD script that prints out a bunch of news and stuff every
2> time you login.
What does the MOTD script have to do with television, elzbet?
2> The Starmaker is that undiagnosed source of occasional cryptic log
2> entries that aren't explained in any of the system's man files.
What do cryptic log entries have to do with television, elzbet?
2> Adam H. Kerman is UAC, and since the group's unmoderated, no-one has an
2> administrator password they can use to turn it off.
What does the inability to turn off Kerman have to do with television,
elzbet?
2> tholen/thoolen/z00lian/etc. is the logfile analyzer whose output is more
2> cryptic than the logfiles it analyzes.
What does your classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim have to do
with television, elzbet?
2> cloud dreamer is the infrequently used application that insists on taking
2> up half a gig of RAM.
What does dreamer's prodigious size have to do with television, elzbet?
2> Irish Mike is the Japanese video game with blatantly offensive content
2> that actually got translated into reasonably legible English ...
2> unfortunately.
What does Irish Mike's blatantly offensive content have to do with
television, elzbet?
2> Jim G. is the hwmonitor app that keeps screaming about the CPU
2> temperature even when nothing's actually wrong with it.
What does the CPU temperature have to do with television, elzbet?
2> thinbluemime is the mostly-useful app that unfortunately happens to be
2> bundled with adware.
What does adware have to do with television, elzbet?
2> Ken Wesson is that thing that keeps emitting a warning message on
2> startup, but works anyway and came bundled with a free swimsuit edition
2> screen saver that miraculously doesn't contain any malware.
What does Wesson's free swimsuit edition screen saver have to do with
television, elzbet?
2> Ed Conrad is the buggy keyboard driver that causes the caps lock function
2> to occasionally toggle by itself.
What does Ed Conrad have to do with television, elzbet?
2> Eric Walker is the paperclip. You know, THAT paperclip.
What does "THAT" paperclip have to do with television, elzbet?
2> W/Q is the sticking GPU fan that causes the video card to overheat and
2> crash the system seven minutes after starting to watch any high
2> definition media file.
What do GPU fans have to do with television, elzbet?
2> Ronnie Bateman is the mouse driver whose IRQ conflicts somehow cause
2> occasional nasty squawks from the speaker. This tends especially to
2> happen when the GPU is overheating, for some reason.
What do IRQ conflicts have to do with television, elzbet?