SNL reruns this week (Jul 27 - Aug 2)
Frank Serpas III
Below, find this week's schedule of reruns of Saturday Night Live,
along with episode summaries taken from the SNL Episode Guide, which
is available at SATURDAY NET (http://www.io.com/~serpas/snl.html).
To receive this information weekly via e-mail, send the message
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to majo...@lists.io.com (leave the "subject" line blank).
~~~
The NBC episode for this Saturday night (27-Jul-02) is a clip show:
Best of MIM
In some markets, it will be followed by a "classic" episode:
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88k Tony Danza / John Hiatt
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cold: after unsuccessful electrocution, Ted Bundy (DAC) discusses energy issues
mono: host bypasses the jokes & goes straight to tap-dancing
COMM: come back to carbon paper {rerun}
skit: The Brooklyn Academy of Fine Art presents Da War Of Da Woilds
skit Jesus (PHH) & other famous prophets are spotted at a celebrity restaurant
song: musical guest performs "Paper Thin"
show: As World Turn- Tarzan learns that Jane (VIJ) has been seeing Frankenstein
comm Maydenform- host onomatopoeically relates his thoughts on lingerie
misc: Tonto, Tarzan, Frankenstein sing "Oh, Suzanna"
news: letter to a schoolkid shows Dan Quayle's familiar with education problems
news: Jeane Dixon (NOD) makes some qualified predictions for 1989
NEWS: some excerpts of small talk heard on the World Leader Chat Line
news: Stuart Rankin (MIM) is upset with Americans' Scottish stereotypes
skit: (host) asks upper class woman (VIJ) to leave her husband (PHH) for him
skit during a stakeout, (PHH) remains undercover while being attacked
song: musical guest performs "Slow Turning"
skit (host) & other diner patrons communicate via defensive-sounding queries
SKIT sincere guy Stu (Joe Montana) interferes with bone-jumping plans {rerun}
~~~
The following 60-minute versions of SNL episodes will air on
Comedy Central (CC) & E! Entertainment Television (E!); all times EDT...
Sa 27-Jul-02
10:00am CC 98a Cameron Diaz / The Smashing Pumpkins
11:00am CC 00j Mena Suvari / Lenny Kravitz
9:00pm CC 00t Christopher Walken / Weezer
Su 28-Jul-02
[none]
Mo 29-Jul-02
noon CC 92n BIM / Sting
1:00pm CC 92o John Goodman / Mary J. Blige
3:30pm E! 76e Steve Martin / Kinky Friedman
5:00pm CC 95g Anthony Edwards / Foo Fighters
6:00pm CC 97s Matthew Broderick / Natalie Merchant, Tenacious D
7:00pm E! 79q Strother Martin / The Specials
11:30pm CC 96s John Goodman / Jewel
1:00am E! 79q Strother Martin / The Specials
2:00am CC 92d Christopher Walken / Arrested Development
Tu 30-Jul-02
noon CC 93k Sara Gilbert / Counting Crows
1:00pm CC 93l Patrick Stewart / Salt-N-Pepa
3:30pm E! 77k CHC / Billy Joel
5:00pm CC 99f Jennifer Aniston / Sting
6:00pm CC 98k James Van Der Beek / Everlast
7:00pm E! 79e Bea Arthur / The Roches
11:30pm CC 97a Sylvester Stallone / Jamiroquai
1:00am E! 79e Bea Arthur / The Roches
1:00am CC 89a Bruce Willis / Neil Young
2:00am CC 94f John Turturro / Tom Petty
We 31-Jul-02
noon CC 89l Quincy Jones / many musical guests
1:00pm CC 89m Tom Hanks / Aerosmith
3:30pm E! 75g Richard Pryor / Gil Scott-Heron
5:00pm CC 97o Scott Wolf / Natalie Imbruglia
6:00pm CC 99o The Rock / AC/DC
7:00pm E! 76a Lily Tomlin / James Taylor
11:30pm CC 98h Vince Vaughn / Lauryn Hill
1:00am E! 76a Lily Tomlin / James Taylor
1:00am CC 94g Roseanne / Green Day
2:00am CC 90e Jimmy Smits / World Party
Th 01-Aug-02
noon CC 90n Alec Baldwin / Whitney Houston
1:00pm CC 90o Michael J. Fox / Black Crowes
3:30pm E! 77p Michael Palin / Eugene Record
5:00pm CC 00b Kate Hudson / Radiohead
6:00pm CC 99p Christopher Walken / Christina Aguilera
7:00pm E! 78o Margot Kidder / The Chieftains
11:30pm CC 99m Ben Affleck / Fiona Apple
1:00am E! 78o Margot Kidder / The Chieftains
1:00am CC 93f Rosie O'Donnell / James Taylor
2:00am CC 93g Nicole Kidman / Stone Temple Pilots
Fr 02-Aug-02
noon CC 93n Martin Lawrence / Crash Test Dummies
1:00pm CC 93o Nancy Kerrigan / Aretha Franklin
3:30pm E! 77t Buck Henry / Sun Ra
5:00pm CC 95e Quentin Tarantino / The Smashing Pumpkins
6:00pm CC 00s Lara Flynn Boyle / Bon Jovi
7:00pm E! 77h Miskel Spillman / Elvis Costello
1:00am E! 77h Miskel Spillman / Elvis Costello
2:00am CC 91h Hammer
3:00am CC 91a Michael Jordan / Public Enemy
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75g Richard Pryor / Gil Scott-Heron
...............................................................................
cold: CHC gives pointers after yielding to host's wish that GAM do the fall
mono: host does stand-up about an alcohol-induced bar fight & an acid trip
skit: Samurai Hotel- Futaba (JOB) & bellboy (host) fight over (CHC)'s luggage
song musical guest performs "Johannesburg"
show: Looks At Books- Junior Griffin (host) talks about his life as a Caucasian
COMM: New Dad {rerun}
misc: rigged police line-up leads to handcuffed (host) being chosen as culprit
skit: interviewer (CHC) conducts racially-charged free association with (host)
misc while playing Pong, (ALF) tells (TOD) about his rough hockey outing
skit (DAA)'s paranoia about black takeover misses changes in his own family
COMM: Spud Beer {rerun}
news: Emily Litella is upset about the prospect of "busting" school children
news: with GAM's help, CHC repeats the top news story for the hard-of-hearing
misc (host) is chosen from a line-up featuring a nun (JAC), a duck, an icebox
skit soldier (host) accidentally takes suicide pill during mission briefing
misc: drunk Ploobis & Scred decide to pay a visit to the Mighty Favog
misc (host) is chosen from a line-up in which all the other choices are cops
skit Exorcist II- another priest (host) tries to help possessed Regan (LAN)
FILM: from his sickbed, Albert Brooks [real] advances his own agenda
misc (TOS) is shot after alleging Kennedy assassination was a conspiracy
misc: host does stand-up about a heroin addict being mentored by a wino
misc Shelley Pryor [real] tells a story about a pair of carousel horses
song musical guest performs "A Lovely Day"
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76a Lily Tomlin / James Taylor
...............................................................................
cold: big-shot host arrives with entourage, intends to do show sans rehearsal
mono: when the cameras turn off, so does host's cheerful attitude toward SNL
skit: Debate '76- Ford (CHC) & Carter (DAA) discuss Watergate & other issues
song: musical guest performs "Shower the People"
news: LAN reports from a Legionnaire's Disease outbreak at the Blaine Hotel
COMM: Ernestine (host) on Phone Company- "We don't care, we don't have to"
news: DOP is felled by Legionnaire's Disease during a Blaine Hotel promo
news: Emily Litella calls to inquire about "crustaceans" hijacking an airplane
misc: in the morgue, host tries to get the Muppets to "Whistle A Happy Tune"
song musical guest performs "Road Runner"
skit eccentric Tess DiSenzo (host) chats with a real estate salesman (GAM)
song musical guest performs "Sweet Baby James"
COMM: housewife Judith Beasley (host) submits to pointless product tests & more
show: Women In Literature- Elna Sullivan's (LAN) journal entries lack depth
FILM by Gary Weis- Taylor Mead [real] gives his thoughts about television
song host, PAS, SNL Band perform "The Antler Dance"
misc: at closing, host, cast, audience members do the Antler Dance
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76e Steve Martin / Kinky Friedman
...............................................................................
cold: disgruntled Yankee (CHC) hangs manager (DAA) after World Series loss
mono: Ramblin' Guy host demonstrates banjo prowess & gets mad at control room
comm: Speak Out For Milk- CHC says too much during multiple takes for ad
show: Jeopardy! 1999- contestants' questions provide a glimpse of the future
comm: DOP describes prizes that Jeopardy! 1999 contestants can win
song musical guest performs "Dear Abbie"
news: CHC narrates boring footage of Hurricane Carter [real] jury selection
comm: the Fido-Flex digital watch dog is the only canine that can tell the time
news: CHC purports to accept JAC as co-anchor, makes faces during her report
news: a snacking (ALF) wanders onto set & reads a news item over CHC's shoulder
skit poet (host), stand-up comic (JOB), dancer (LAN) perform in a beatnik bar
show Looks At Books- (host) gives results of research into abstinence & sports
FILM by Gary Weis- various people lip sync to covers of "Autumn in New York"
show: Ted Baxter's (host) Drano-in-coffee prank kills Mary Richards (LAN)
skit: Mysteries in Medicine- elaborate diet plan involves faux Eskimo (JOB)
misc: host does stand-up about meeting Jackie Onassis, destruction of Earth
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77h Miskel Spillman / Elvis Costello
...............................................................................
misc How The Grinch Raped & Strangled Christmas will not be seen tonight
cold Buck Henry [real] realizes that host has succumbed to SNL's drug culture
mono Buck introduces host, the winner of the Anyone Can Host Contest
COMM Meat Wagon toy ambulance attends to gruesome slot car racing accidents
comm LAN says the self-conscious & the extremely obnoxious should go on dates
misc host & JAC narrate a fractured version of The Gift Of The Magi
song musical guest performs "Watching the Detectives"
news JAC calls Dan Aykroyd fan Carter (DAA) during his meeting with Begin
news GAM does a Point Of View about whites using blacks as scapegoats
news BIM is disappointed in Miracle On 34th Street's ambiguous stance on Santa
news NBC Dancing N is revealed to be Emily Litella
news Emily Litella's "SST landing" editorial causes JAC to lose it
news JAC rings out recently deceased New Years' bandleader Guy Lombardo
show Sartresky (DAA) & Hutch (JOB)- philosopher cops handle hostage situation
misc ALF sings a tribute to parents Joe & Phoebe [real], then gets mad
show E. Buzz Miller's Art Classics- paintings of naked broads on display
skit college student (JOB) introduces elderly girlfriend (host) to his parents
skit drunken department store Santa (BIM) denies (GIR) any presents
skit LAN sings Madam Butterfly aria while MOD makes a Soiled Kimono
song musical guest performs "Radio, Radio" after aborting "Less Than Zero"
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77k CHC / Billy Joel
...............................................................................
misc Little House On The Prairie Burns To The Ground will not be seen tonight
cold: Ford (CHC) gives a geography lesson after confusing Suez & Panama Canals
mono: CHC shamelessly garners applause from the audience using various ploys
comm: the Moth Masher compresses & plasticizes to ready insects for your wallet
skit: (CHC) & (GIR) evaluate their performance during a post-coital discussion
song: musical guest performs "Only The Good Die Young"
show King- Jack (DAA) & Bobby (BIM) Kennedy bug Martin Luther King, Jr. (GAM)
news a phony phone call from CHC displaces DAA from the anchor desk
news LAN's attempt to interview striking miner (ALF) is foiled by his coughing
news JAC doesn't fall for CHC's attempt to displace her via a phony phone call
news: straying from topic of Spinks-Ali fight causes JOB to become animated
news: Emily Litella welcomes CHC back to Weekend Update; JAC tells them off
news: with GAM's help, CHC repeats the top news story for the hard-of-hearing
skit: customs trainee (CHC) inspects luggage of drug smugglers (JOB) & (LAN)
FILM by Gary Weis- (Valri Bromfield) provides the soundtrack to LAN's bad day
show Sermonette- Church of Confusion holy man (CHC) tells a rambling story
skit: at a checkpoint during WWII, GIs use USA culture quiz to root out Nazis
song: musical guest performs "Just The Way You Are"
misc CHC interrupts LAN, GIR, JAC during a badly-written old lady sketch
show Twilite Zone- cast tries several methods to get out of a skit with no end
skit Jaws V- the Land Shark fools the women with promises of a sketch ending
misc GAM sees cast dead on the floor, ends show with "That's All Folks"
misc: at closing, CHC plays piano with SNL band
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77p Michael Palin / Eugene Record
...............................................................................
misc: Grandma Walton Tries To Tie Her Shoelace will not be seen tonight
cold: Oscar-winner Vanessa Redgrave (JAC) uses podium as a political forum
mono: host's manager Sid Biggs (host) kills time, puts two cats in his pants
COMM Little Chocolate Donuts {rerun}
skit: IRS agent (DAA) questions a priest (host) about his tax deductions
comm: H&L Brock solves moral dilemmas in addition to doing your taxes
misc host tries to break record for escaping from a chest during Chekhov play
song: musical guest performs "Have You Seen Her?"
news: actor (Leo Yoshimura) impersonates Tongsun Park to better his career
news: JOB wants the Rockefellers to spare Radio City Music Hall from demolition
skit: piano teacher Mr. Brighton (host) gets fresh with Lisa during a lesson
skit Sherlock Holmes (host) investigates The Case of the Scarlet Membrane
skit (BIM)'s desire to have a good time at a party bothers his wife (LAN)
song musical guest performs "Trying To Get To You"
FILM "Mr. Bill Pays His Taxes" by Walter Williams- an arm & a leg
skit: Danger Probe- a fop (host) & his servant (GAM) provoke rednecks in a bar
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77t Buck Henry / Sun Ra
...............................................................................
misc: The Boy In The Plastic Pants Suit will not be seen tonight
cold: Nixon (DAA) isn't available to kick around any more, but his book is
mono: scrolling text says host's career is over, contrary to what he claims
skit: before the prom, parents Marshall (host) & Enid (JAC) advise Todd & Lisa
skit: Samurai TV Repairman- Mr. Dantley brings his broken set to Futaba
skit (BIM) offers image-improving ideas to the Sodom chamber of commerce
news LAN narrates childish drawings of Son Of Sam trial by TOS
news BIM tries to call Jackie Onassis to get her reaction to The Greek Tycoon
news: DAA's commentary about Betty Ford lists some other alcoholic first ladies
news: JAC & DAA do a Point-Counterpoint about jogging
skit: Pete is forced to choose between employee Nico (BIM) & a guard dog
misc: Mr. Mike's Least Loved Music- MOD performs "Baby Ghouls"
show More Insects To Worry About- (host) warns about brain-burrowing mites
skit: director Brian Whitney has actor Howard abuse a stunt puppy in a scene
show: Bad Conceptual Art- (GIR) performs excerpt from Pavlov Video Chicken I
misc: tragedy befalls the Franken family after TOD outs himself & ALF
song musical guest performs "Space is the Place" & "Space-Loneliness"
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78o Margot Kidder / The Chieftains
...............................................................................
misc Little Women & Big Basketball Players will not be seen tonight
cold on St. Patrick's Day, Jimmy Hoffa (JOB) subs for Mayor Daley's ghost
mono bad camera work is traced to control room's St. Patrick's Day celebration
COMM grunt work while docked in Bayonne shows the truth of The Navy Adventure
skit (host) is visited by unsexy Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute (DAA)
song musical guest performs "If I Had Maggie in the Woods"
skit (host) solicits money for Irish poor at St. Mickey's Knights of Columbus
news Father Guido Sarducci gives examples of canonization politics
news BIM sings "Happy Birthday" to a bust of Albert Einstein
news DAA & JAC do a Point-Counterpoint about Lee Marvin's divorce settlement
skit superheroes attend a party thrown by Superman (BIM) & Lois Lane (host)
misc ALF plans to sue General Mills for using his image on Frankenberry cereal
misc Pity Thy Neighbor- down-on-his-luck (TOD) fails to get any support
show Men's Problems- women discuss their perspectives on guys' troubles
song musical guest performs "Morning Dew"
FILM "Mr. Bill Is Hiding" by Walter Williams- in a closet, away from Mr. Hands
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79e Bea Arthur / The Roches
...............................................................................
cold Reagan's campaign aide (HAS) outlines the candidate's nap-filled schedule
mono after host sings "Let Me Love You," pianist PAS kisses her
COMM Spud Beer- boat people lift their spirits with the potato-based brew
skit First He Cries- (BIM) tries to cope with his wife's (GIR) mastectomy
skit (TOD) not wanting to go to school leads to a Soviet takeover of the USA
song musical guest performs "Bobby's Song"
NEWS shattered backboard documents the fate of unused DC-10 windshields
news while discussing roaches, ALF uses various methods to kill the creatures
NEWS Hindenberg footage chronicles end of Thanksgiving parade Snoopy balloon
skit eating Thanksgiving dinner in aunt's (host) basement makes adults regress
show Woman To Woman- Connie Carson (GIR) is envious of an ideal mother (host)
comm Tom Clay describes Saveco's low-price recalled products
skit (PAS) & (HAS) preview their rock opera about Charles Manson & Jay Sebring
FILM "Mr. Bill Builds A House" by Walter Williams- Mr. Hands aids construction
comm revival band Los Beatolos Cubanos performs Latin takes of Fab Four hits
misc Andy Kaufman [real] taunts female viewers & invites them to wrestle
song musical guest performs "Hallelujah Chorus"
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79q Strother Martin / The Specials
...............................................................................
cold: Rosalynn Carter (LAN) encourages illegal aliens to take part in census
skit: captive Luke (BIM) rebels against French language camp director (host)
song: musical guest performs "Gangsters"
news: G. Gordon Liddy (TOD) barbecues & eats his hand during LAN interview
news: Chico Escuela has advice for Muhammad Ali & baseball players
news: TOS drawings ape NBC video captioning of tonight's top story
skit: (host)'s children view their departed dad's variety show-style video will
skit at the weekly meeting of the Conductor's Club, it's business-as-usual
skit Invasion of the Brain Snatchers- Reagan pods turn liberals conservative
song: musical guest performs "Too Much, Too Young"
skit Any Town- nameless residents are prejudiced against new coach (BDM)
FILM: "Food" by Edie Baskin- photographic essay of various NYC eateries
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89a Bruce Willis / Neil Young
...............................................................................
cold: Bush (DAC) holds a bag of crack, dares Medellin cartel to attack family
mono: host plays the harmonica with SNL Band & sings "Pep Talk"
COMM avoid nutritional angst by starting your day with thirtysomething cereal
show: Wayne's World- coolest senior (host) makes "sphincter" the new hip word
comm topic-starved Phil Donahue (PHH) previews show about breast-naming women
song: musical guest performs "Rockin' In The Free World"
show: anal-retentive Gene shows how to saw a board & dispose of the refuse
news recent widow Imelda Marcos (NOD) wants to get rid of Ferdinand's body
NEWS a retrospective of SNL's second 15 years uses clips from tonight's show
news to AWB, legislation to outlaw flag-burning is simple idolatry
skit Johnny O'Connor takes a backseat to new leading man (host)
show: Sprockets- Jimmy Stewart's (DAC) cute poems have nihilistic undercurrents
song: musical guest performs "Needle & The Damage Done" & "No More"
comm another topic for desperate Phil Donahue (PHH)- shoelaces caught in shoes
comm album of host's bluesy commercial jingles pays for all his possessions
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89l Quincy Jones / Tevin Campbell & Kool Moe Dee & Big Daddy Kane & others
...............................................................................
cold: Pumping Up With Hans & Franz- a muscle serenade for Valentine's Day
mono: host conducts SNL Band to celebrate Nelson Mandela's freedom
COMM Century 21 Marriage Counselors- relationship advice has been franchised
skit after Hoke (host) quits, Toonces takes over Driving Miss Daisy (JAH)
show: The Bob Waltman Special- tears from Marion Barry (host) & Reagan (PHH)
show Jazz Perspectif- obsequious hipsters (DAC) & (JOL) idolize "le Q" host
song musical guests perform "Back on the Block"
news DOP tells what the Gotti jury has won for finding the mob boss not guilty
skit reverend (host) & rabbi (JOL) try to repair a rift between blacks & Jews
skit: Tonto, Tarzan, Frankenstein peruse Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue
song musical guests perform "We Be Doinit"
skit Soviet Central Committee rubber-stamps Gorbachev's (PHH) wild proposals
skit House Committee On Dials & Gauges questions (KEN) about unsafe controls
misc: Tonto, Tarzan, Frankenstein sing "We Are The World"
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89m Tom Hanks / Aerosmith
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cold: Donald (PHH) defeats Ivana (JAH) via thorough Trump prenuptial agreement
mono: host has an out-of-body experience after banging his knee backstage
comm the Red Square McDonald's offers Happy Meals containing basic necessities
show: Wayne's World- musical guest plays thanks to Garth's roadie cousin (host)
skit: Tales of Ribaldry- (VIJ) & (JAH) enlist services of a bootblack (host)
song musical guest performs "Janie's Got a Gun"
news one-man mobile uplink unit ALF is discovered during Medellin cartel deal
skit Mr. Short-Term Memory visits an injured friend (PHH) in the hospital
show Eye on Chest Hair- hirsute celebrities show off follicular endowments
COMM drug-awareness ad imagery belies intent of Jensen Syringe Company spot
comm personal testimony of (NOD) recalls how the mob saved her business
COMM reliable Jensen Syringes are thrown at dartboard in more drug ad imagery
song musical guest performs "Monkey on My Back"
skit: the desensitized losers try to work a cruise ship full of elderly women
misc Black History Moment- Andy Rooney (PHH) on George Washington Carver
COMM Jensen Syringes seen washed up on beach are "fresh as a mountain stream"
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90e Jimmy Smits / World Party
...............................................................................
cold: Bush (DAC) emphasizes foreign-sounding name of potential foe Mario Cuomo
mono: DOP provides a Spanish translation of host's story
COMM: Chia Head- an organic alternative to traditional baldness countermeasures
show: Game Challengers- (host) competes to reclaim Native American artifacts
skit: NBC News employees overdo their Spanish pronunciations; Bob Costas cameo
show: Simon (MIM)- while in the tub, a neglected English boy shows his drawings
song musical guest performs "Way Down Now"
news in Central Park, JAH interviews New York Marathon last-place runner (CHF)
skit: (host) is frustrated by ditzy (JUS)'s short attention span & bad stories
show: The Dark Side- Nat X (CSR) discusses race with host & Gerry Cooney (KEN)
skit doormen (ROS) & (KEN) discuss building tenants behind their backs
skit (host), (VIJ), (CHF) live in a mobile home in NYC, with some difficulty
song musical guest performs "Ship of Fools"
skit: (host)'s clever-sounding verbal reversals irritate fellow policeman (DAC)
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90n Alec Baldwin / Whitney Houston
...............................................................................
cold: The McLaughlin (DAC) Group- panelists don't get a chance to give answers
mono: audible thoughts of host, musical guest, others reveal moments of doubt
COMM: The Dancer- home exercise unit lets you boogie; Evander Holyfield cameo
skit on The Honest Planet, office workers dispense with tact
show: The Sinead O'Connor (JAH) Awards- materialism in music industry is marked
song musical guest performs "I'm Your Baby Tonight"
comm: host is a product of Lank Thompson's "I'm A Handsome Actor" course
comm Pan Am will let anyone who flies to Europe during Gulf War keep the plane
news DEM translates for unintelligible Bob Dylan (DAC) & Tom Petty (DAS)
skit The Godfather, Part IV- Michael Corleone (host) is the don of the future
show I'm Chillin'- Onski sends F'ed Up malt liquor to the Gulf War troops
song musical guest performs "All The Man I Need"
skit (JUS) is flustered by face-to-face confession to handsome priest (host)
skit: wide-nosed Cyrano de Bergerac (TIM) helps (host) get with Roxanne (JAH)
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90o Michael J. Fox / Black Crowes
...............................................................................
cold: during a Bush (DAC) speech, Dan Quayle (host) doesn't know when to clap
mono: host meets two versions of himself (DAC) & (DAS) Back From The Future
COMM: Chia Head {rerun}
skit circus owner (PHH) tells clown (host) that his stinging act isn't working
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on taking a dog on the Space Shuttle
skit at his high school reunion, hitman (KEN) is quick to volunteer services
song musical guest performs "Thick & Thin"
news: AWB says easy post-Vietnam wars were good preparation for domestic strife
show: America's Most Wanted- former child actors plan their latest crime
show: Daily Affirmation- Stuart Smalley is upset with his new time slot
song musical guest performs "She Talks to Angels"
show Not Gettin' Any- losers ponder the source of their sexual inactivity
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the end of the age of the Vikings
skit: Sting's elevator fans give host a similar song treatment
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the similarity between boxing & ballet
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91a Michael Jordan / Public Enemy
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cold: Wayne's World- Wayne & Garth pick the best & worst of the summer of '91
MONO: douche, porno commercials featuring host didn't make it to air
COMM: Schmitt's Gay Beer- homosexual guys (CHF) & (ADS) live a pool fantasy
skit: The First Black Harlem Globetrotter (host) helps integrate basketball
show: host joins Bob Swerski & other Super Fans in a Bulls good luck ritual
song musical guest performs "Can't Truss It"
news Jesse Jackson [real] reads from Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs & Ham
show Daily Affirmation- Stuart unnecessarily instills confidence in host
misc: NBC page Zoraida (ELC) accosts host- she wants to play "one-on-one"
show: The Dark Side- LaToya Jackson (VIJ) & Spike Lee [real] visit Nat X's show
skit Tales From The Barbecue- how grilling pork helped defeat a Nazi submarine
misc in memoriam of Miles Davis, three seconds of silence are observed
song musical guest performs "Bring Tha Noize"
skit one of Sting's elevator fans sings "The Star-Spangled Banner" for host
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91h Hammer
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cold: to help the economy, Bush (DAC) suggests items for consumers to purchase
mono: Michael Jackson (CSR) wants to go head-to-head with host
song: musical guest performs "Too Legit To Quit"
skit: (SIF) moderates meeting of a support group for people with bad haircuts
skit newspaper editor (KEN) doesn't think Pearl Harbor is front-page material
misc: Wednesday (Christina Ricci) & Pugsley (Jimmy Workman) Addams present host
song: musical guest performs "Addams Groove"
news Queen Shenequa delineates her Kwanzaa prayer agenda
show Tales From The Barbecue- how shortribs of a flying cow saved Santa (host)
skit Johnny Letter (MIM) uses strong writing skills to exact revenge on others
MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on how kids like to be tricked {rerun}
skit: Remembrances Of Love- (ELC) & Wilt Chamberlain (host) have a brief fling
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on what it takes a big man to do
song musical guest performs "This is the Way We Roll"
skit: Dick Clark's receptionist (DAS) won't let anyone in to see the boss
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92d Christopher Walken / Arrested Development
...............................................................................
cold: Ross Perot (DAC) ditches Admiral Stockdale (PHH) on the side of the road
mono: host sings "Let's Face The Music" & dances with castmembers & others
COMM: Jiffy Express will take the blame for packages you send late
show: The Continental flirts when a woman comes to reclaim her glove
skit: Ed Glosser, Trivial Psychic (host) annoys co-workers with ho-hum visions
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the status of pudding-traversing ants
song musical guest performs "Tennessee"
news undecided voter Jan Brady (MEH) likens candidates to her family members
news Hollywood Minute- DAS defines terms for public figures on the decline
show Stalk Talk- guests discuss the nature of their obsessive trailing
skit: androgynous Pat's new boss (host) is discombobulated by gender dysphoria
misc: Sinead O'Connor (JAH) is booed off-stage during a Goodtime Happy Jamboree
skit sleuths watch their mentor (host) undergo embarrassing medical procedures
misc: Audience McGee (ADS) to Sinead O'Connor (JAH)- "love, don't hate"
song musical guest performs "People Everyday"
misc (host) sings about catching crabs on "The Boulevard Of Broken Balls"
misc at closing, host congratulates Toronto on their World Series win
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92n BIM / Sting
...............................................................................
cold: Beverly Hills residents question Clinton (PHH) about his policies
mono: BIM talks about the good vibes of the past week as the truth scrolls by
COMM: HiberNol- long-term cold & flu medicine lets (CHF) sleep through sickness
show: The WhipMaster- a not-so-proficient actor (BIM) takes over the title role
skit: Frequent Flyer (BIM)- he gives unsolicited tips to his fellow passengers
song musical guest performs "If I Ever Lose My Faith In You"
news moron Hank Fielding gives perspective on Clinton's economic address
news Father Guido Sarducci reviews Groundhog Day & relates a recurring dream
news Hollywood Minute- Steve Martin [real] gives DAS his comeuppance
skit: Tommy Two-Step (BIM) readies men's jazz dancing ensemble for big show
show Coffee Talk- Linda & neighbor (BIM) discuss the year's Oscar nominations
song musical guest performs "Love Is Stronger Than Justice"
show: I'm Chillin'- today's mother joke & a plug for Bitch Come Running cologne
skit to get free food, Honker poses as meat inspector testing for tainted beef
song musical guest performs "Every Breath You Take"
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92o John Goodman / Mary J. Blige
...............................................................................
cold: Richard Laymer chats with David Koresh (MIM) in the Waco compound
mono: host & The Bravados [real] sing "So In Love"
COMM: Wilson countersink flanges- for those with requisite technical knowledge
skit: Bear (host) finds that Ox (CHF) has taken over as brain's (ROS) protector
show: Soylent Green director (host) talks about his less successful sequels
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on cheap people that want to be repaid
song musical guest performs "Reminisce"
news KEN interviews newly-crowned Storm Of The Century (CHF)
news old codger Buster Jenkins (CSR) blames spaceships for the huge deficit
news Sleepyhead (ADS) eventually gives editorial on Yeltsin's near-impeachment
show: How'd You Do That?- guests tell origins of accidental disfigurements
skit: while on a cruise, Linda Richman & (host) talk about all the great food
skit partygoers pretend to believe eccentric loser Canteen Boy's (ADS) stories
song musical guest performs "Sweet Thing"
skit: once again, Turkish (ROS) is the target of (host)'s anti-Arab sentiments
MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the difference between wise & stupid men
comm traditional Irish singers try rock classics & rap on new albums
show The Man Without A Shout- tragedy spurs (host) never to raise his voice
misc: musical guest's mother [real] joins her on-stage at closing
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93f Rosie O'Donnell / James Taylor
...............................................................................
cold: The Packwood (PHH) Diaries- the senator recalls females he has harassed
mono: Madonna calls; fake audience members confuse host with other actresses
skit: Sinatra (PHH) hurriedly records duets with pop stars; Casey Kasem cameo
comm: Mexican stereotype (ROS) sponsored by anti-NAFTA people tries to scare us
show: Daily Affirmation- Stuart counsels John (MIM) & Lorena (host) Bobbitt
comm: PHH says "pay no attention to anti-NAFTA ad, let's stick it to Mexicans"
song: musical guest performs "Memphis" & "Slap Leather"
news: new Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien (MIM) doesn't like NAFTA
news Operaman on NAFTA, Fan Man, John Bobbitt, Eddie Vedder, Princess Di
skit waiter (KEN) overestimates ability to remember order of (PHH) & (host)
skit The Tomboy (host) & The Sissy (DAS)- odd couple teaches each other skills
song: musical guest performs "Secret O' Life"
skit Dick Clark's receptionist controls the access to the California fires
FILM "Will Work For Food" by TOS- homeless (NOM) forgoes fruit of his labor
skit (JUS) invites homegirls (ELC), (MEH), (host) to her birthday party
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93g Nicole Kidman / Stone Temple Pilots
...............................................................................
cold: Wayne's World- Wayne & Garth give their thoughts on some 1993 movies
mono: host engages in Risky Business to make up for Tom Cruise not being there
show: The Denise Show- her best friend (host) is interested in Brian
misc Wednesday (Christina Ricci) & Pugsley (Jimmy Workman) Addams & SNL Band
skit: hyperactive Phillip (MIM) talks with another kid (host) at the jungle gym
misc going to commercial, Junior Brown [real] plays guit-steel
song: musical guest performs "Creep"
news: Ike Turner (TIM) continues his love-hate relationship with KEN
news: Bruce Springsteen (ADS) sings about how much he loves to eat turkey
show Sprockets- (CHF), (host), shemale Susan play Das Ist Jeopardy
skit at a bar, a married woman (MEH) thinks all the guys are hitting on her
comm Ross Perot (DAC) claims that (TIM) is the first NAFTA unemployment victim
skit (host), (PHH), (JUS), (MIM) take turns arguing in the kitchen
song: musical guest performs "Naked Sunday"
COMM Crystal Gravy {rerun}
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93k Sara Gilbert / Counting Crows
...............................................................................
cold: Tonya Harding (MEH) whacks John Bobbitt (MIM) in the groin on Court TV
COMM HiberNol {rerun}
skit: (ROS) claims to be a girl, but his female roommates won't shower with him
show Simon- in the tub with dad's girlfriend's filthy daughter (host)
skit: Gap girls Kristy & Lucy hang out with boss Cindy (CHF) at Tater Junction
song: musical guest performs "'Round Here"
news: NOM thinks that there's too much figure skating on TV
news: SAS talks about stuff that happened to her during the week
show: Blossom (MEH)- dad's (KEN) proud she's having sex, but driving is out
misc a music video features Joey Lawrence (MIM) singing his hit song "Whoa"
misc ADS plays guitar & sings "Lunch Lady Land" amongst dancing cafeteria food
skit only EuroDisney can satisfy a sullen teen's (host) vacation requirements
show Rob Schneider's Girlfriend Theater- KEN & host act out her evilness
song: musical guest performs "Mr. Jones"
show 20 Questions With Bryant Gumbel (TIM)- host is repeatedly asked "Why?"
misc ROS apologizes to his girlfriend for the sketch earlier in the show
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93l Patrick Stewart / Salt-N-Pepa
...............................................................................
cold: Michael Jackson (TIM) combats his pedophile image by hitting on women
mono: host demonstrates the extent of his Star Trek trivia knowledge
COMM Philadelphia Action Figures- they allow kids to re-enact the movie
skit: Stuart Rankin visits Phil McCracken, Scottish Therapist (host)
skit: bakery owner's (host) sexy cakes all feature women going to the bathroom
song: musical guest performs "Shoop"
show: The Love Boat, The Next Generation- space romance & Doc (Bernie Koppel)
comm The Cosby Mysteries- Bill (ADS) spouts gibberish, investigates a murder
skit: Satan's (host) mystique loses its impact after he chokes on a grape
song: musical guest performs "Whatta Man"
show Show & Tell with Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders (ELD)- a visible rectum
show It's Not Their Fault- defense attorney Leslie Abramson (JUS) with excuses
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93n Martin Lawrence / Crash Test Dummies
...............................................................................
cold: Jeff Gillooly (ROS) relates his concerns about Clinton health care plan
mono: host does stand-up about penile dismemberment & feminine hygiene
COMM: McIntosh Post-it Notes {rerun}
show: Thugs- muggers (host) & (PHH) offer commentary during a night of work
show: Daily Affirmation- initially-hostile host eventually opens up to Stuart
song: musical guest performs "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"
news: NOM says Michael Jackson may be a child molester, but he's no plagiarist
news: Hollywood Minute- DAS talks about Jim Carrey, Gerard Depardieu, others
skit Matt Foley & fellow prisoner (host) scare juvenile delinquents straight
skit bike messenger (MIM) waxes poetic about his job & talks with pedestrians
song: musical guest performs "Afternoons & Coffeespoons"
skit: during a game, New Jersey Nets benchwarmer (host) shows (TIM) the ropes
show Ricki Lake (MEH)- Joe Jackson (host) & Ike Turner (TIM) defend themselves
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93o Nancy Kerrigan / Aretha Franklin
...............................................................................
cold: Clinton (PHH) announces that Hillary's to blame for the Whitewater mess
mono: host answers some softball questions posed by fake audience members
COMM Crystal Gravy {rerun}
show: Sports Beat- host, luger (NOM), biathlete (ROS) discuss post-Olympic life
skit host is grand marshal of a St. Patrick's Day parade in a depressed town
show: The Denise Show- Brian's old flame Linda (host) returns to see him
song: musical guest performs "A Deeper Love"
news: Sinatra (PHH) finishes his truncated Grammy Awards speech
news: Bono (ADS) sings a song to encourage alcohol-free St. Patrick's Day fun
skit for some reason, Don Mateo (PHH) thinks a waitress (host) is hot-blooded
SHOW: skater (host) tries to cope with partner's (CHF) recent weight gain
song musical guest performs "Willing to Forgive"
skit while wearing a Snow White costume, host greets guests at Disneyland
show Black R&B Singers Today- excitable (ELC) interviews musical guest
skit while wearing a Tinkerbell costume, host throws toys from Tea Cups ride
song: musical guest performs "Chain of Fools"
skit host is joined by Lincoln animatron (MMK) for her final corny Disney gig
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94f John Turturro / Tom Petty
...............................................................................
cold: It's A Wonderful Newt- Nixon (host) shows Gingrich (CHF) a liberal world
mono: LOM rigs a Quiz Show to let host do SNL instead of Joey Buttafuoco [real]
COMM Eych {rerun}
show Celebrity Psychic Friend Gary Busey (MMK) joins Christopher Walken (JAM)
skit: (JAG) repeatedly hangs up the phone before (host) gets a chance to talk
song: musical guest performs "You Don't Know How It Feels"
news: publicity has gone to the head of self-styled superstar Judge Ito (MIM)
news: after much prodding, David Hasselhoff [real] confirms NOM's German theory
skit Robert DeNiro (host) stars in the musical version of Taxi Driver
misc musical guest plays guitar while his doppelganger (DAS) mumbles along
show: Stop That- (host) mimics his show's guests until they get annoyed & leave
comm: tourism-dependent Jamaicans (ELC) & (TIM)- "go ahead, treat us like dirt"
comm: Ira Resnick (host) doubts credentials of fellow dentist Josh Levine (CSE)
show The Movie Club- brothers (host) & (ADS) recommend tapes to rent
comm: Josh Levine's retaliatory ad- "Ira Resnick uses unsterilized instruments"
song musical guest performs "Honey Bee"
comm: more Ira Resnick mudslinging- magazine & hygienist age, novocaine use
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94g Roseanne / Green Day
...............................................................................
cold: at a press conference, Jesse Helms (MIM) expands his presidential threats
COMM: H.H.T. home headache test {rerun}
comm: USAir employees talk about the airline's improved flight safety measures
skit parallels to host's life in Tom Arnold (CHF) & Madonna (JAG) TV movie
show: Rescue 911- rude operator (host) answers emergency calls in Philadelphia
song: musical guest performs "When I Come Around"
news: DAS to striking athletes- "entertainers lack marketable skills- I know"
news ACLU representative Naomi Green (JAG) stands up for prisoners' rights
news: ADS plays guitar & sings a Hanukkah song about celebrities that are Jews
skit: weight-conscious (host), (ELC), (LAK) investigate chemical-laden yogurt
show: Civil War Memories- high school dropouts talk about Battle for Charleston
skit: of host's multiple personalities, psychoanalyst (NOM) prefers the whore
song: musical guest performs "Geek Stink Breath"
skit Funny Strange shop owner (CSE) envies twin's (CSE) novelty store success
show Lock-Up- Bobby Blake's (LAK) women's prison talk show; Rip Taylor cameo
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95e Quentin Tarantino / The Smashing Pumpkins
...............................................................................
cold: approval-seeking Clinton (DAH) makes late-night calls while pigging out
mono: to honor TV, host dances & sings "I'm Gonna Blow You A Kiss In The Wind"
COMM: the BugOff roach trap lets you watch as the caught insect is tortured
skit: unofficial cheerleaders Craig (WIF) & Arianna (CHO) show their spirit
show: Stan Hooper (NOM) exploits trusting Christians on a bible quiz show
show: Directors on Directing- to host, the best job perq is sex with actresses
song: musical guest performs "Bullet With Butterfly Wings"
news Don King (TIM) sweet-talks NOM & laughs off allegations of wrongdoing
news: creepy obsequious fops Lucien (MAM) & Fagin (DAK) fawn over NOM
show Leg Up- host tries to explain that he's not a choreographer
skit white trash sit around a campfire & deal with an overabundance of fluids
misc Spade in America- DAS reunites host with Robert Hegyes [real]
song musical guest performs "Zero"
show: All Aboard!- old train worker (host) tells how he beats up "hobos"
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95g Anthony Edwards / Foo Fighters
...............................................................................
cold Inside Politics- USA Bosnia policy prompts a conservative anti-war rally
mono: audience likes gimmicky ER-reject character Swabby (DAK) more than host
COMM: Grimaldi's Nativity scene baby Jesus annoyingly cries throughout holidays
show: The Joe Pesci (JMB) Show- he abuses Sharon Stone (NAW) & other guests
show: Nightline- Dr. Greene (host) & other doctors argue about health care
skit Mary Katherine Gallagher acts inappropriately at a wedding reception
news NOM's very nervous brother Gary (DAK) tries to tell some newsy jokes
song: musical guest performs "I'll Stick Around"
skit: singer G-Dog's (TIM) psychosomatism causes him to rethink his raunchy hit
misc: Spade in America- DAS relives a barroom father-son Thanksgiving reunion
show: Turning Point- (MAM) interviews a slightly loony Princess Di (host)
song: musical guest performs "For All The Cows"
show: The Hulk Hogan Talk Show!!!- wrestler's sub (WIF) attempts a serious show
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96s John Goodman / Jewel
...............................................................................
cold: Oprah (TIM)- Anne Heche (CHK) loves attention, not Ellen DeGeneres (MAM)
mono: rapid weight loss program has SNL veteran host confused about show format
COMM: Caribbean Essence Bath Oil {rerun}
show: Jeopardy!- Marlon Brando (host), Phil Donahue (DAH), Burt Reynolds (NOM)
show Talkin' with Suel- Ron Wood (MIM) & Bjork (MOS) babble about drugs, maybe
COMM Good Samaritan Eddie Murphy (TIM) selflessly helps the transgendered
skit: Margaret Jo & Terry discuss summer cookouts with chili expert (host)
news: Dominican Lou hopes to enlist Deep Blue against his dominoes rival Felix
news: learning that Ellen DeGeneres is actually gay causes WIF to vomit
song: musical guest performs "Who Will Save Your Soul"
skit last-minute replacements Marty & Bobbi do a medley at a high school prom
skit: druggist (host) fills overmedicated Colette Reardon's (CHO) prescription
song musical guest performs "You Were Meant For Me"
skit: at a little league game, the drunk businessmen honor Bill Brasky
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97a Sylvester Stallone / Jamiroquai
...............................................................................
cold: Oprah (TIM)- Marv Albert (NOM) discusses his unusual sexual practices
mono: trainer Mickey (JMB) advises host- "less Cop Land, more Rocky"
COMM: the Xerox Assjet 790 photocopier is optimized for office hijinks
skit: Rita Delvecchio is excited when husband (host) brings home a new Cadillac
skit: car wreck victims (NOM) & (ANG) slam host's career when he comes to help
skit: Roxbury Guys take Rocky (host) on the town & teach him how to dance
skit Janet Reno (WIF) mulls Clinton fund-raising charges; Richard Jewell cameo
TOON "Fun With Real Audio" by RBS- flatulence dominates Casablanca outtakes
news: Cinder Calhoun sings "Sausage of Pain" to protest existence of hot dogs
news though Richard Jewell [real] has been cleared, NOM is still suspicious
misc: Joe Pesci (JMB) is upset with host for stealing his co-stars
song: musical guest performs "Alright"
skit: Orange Julius holdover (host) waits on customer (WIF) in computer store
MISC: The Lost Deep Thoughts of Jack Handey- on mummy-sucking mosquitoes
skit: at Planet Hollywood opening, fans (JMB) & (TRM) eventually tick off host
show Lou's (host) Lovely Daughters- homely (ANG), (MOS), Maria (CHO) need men
comm Elton John's (WIF) album features More Songs I Wrote To Honor Dead People
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97o Scott Wolf / Natalie Imbruglia
...............................................................................
cold: Larry King (NOM) Live- Clinton's (DAH) many accusers appear via satellite
mono: host & audience members (DAH), (JMB), (CHO) share New Jersey roots
skit: T.G.I.Fridays star server (host) coaches trainee Mary Katherine Gallagher
show: The Celine Dion (ANG) Show- "the best voice in the world" upstages divas
comm: Party of Five- a black guy (TRM) gets involved with Bailey (host) & clan
news: COQ gives his thoughts on how interns should be treated
news: COQ makes an analogy between Iraq diplomacy & peer group politics
news: heavy metal singer Gunner Olsen (JMB) fashions the news for young viewers
song: musical guest performs "Torn"
show The 3rd Annual Reenactment Awards- dramatic recreationists get their due
skit host & Party of Five are old news to Titanic-obsessed Craig & Arianna
show Issues- on break from BYU, Jeff's cousin (host) tokes for the first time
MISC: The Lost Deep Thoughts of Jack Handey- on King Kong walking your street
skit: coeds (CHO), (MOS), (ANG) fall for duelling troubadours (host) & (CHK)
COMM: Breath Spray Plus trades purse clutter for potential safety hazards
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97s Matthew Broderick / Natalie Merchant, Tenacious D
...............................................................................
cold: The Ladies' Man- Leon Phelps takes calls & puts Viagra to the test
mono: TRM & JMB favor host with their rendition of Godzilla sound effects
COMM: hormones & steroids included in Flex Speed Stick give you an animal edge
show: The View- the ladies fawn over George Stephanopoulos (host)
skit: Zimmermans take offense when neighbor (host) tries unambiguous foreplay
show Pretty Living- joyologist Helen & her seashell craftsman boyfriend (host)
COMM Regis Philbin [real] & men on the street angrily say "no Viagra for me"
news: COQ wants to see Clinton exercise executive privilege to the max
song: Natalie Merchant performs "Kind & Generous"
show The Celine Dion (ANG) Show- Shania Twain (MOS) & Gloria Estefan (host)
show: Tony Blair (host) hears British MPs' questions on Teletubbies & more
skit: (CHO), (host), (MOS), (WIF) think their prom limo ride is the coolest
song Tenacious D performs "The History of Tenacious D" & "Double Team"
show Comic Minds- the drug humor of Orbit (WIF) & Larry (TRM) was based on PCP
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98a Cameron Diaz / The Smashing Pumpkins
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cold: Oprah (TIM) 2002- Linda Tripp (John Goodman) et al recall Lewinsky affair
mono without provocation, host gets tough with audience member (Hugh Fink)
COMM MasterCard made possible the priceless aspect of the Lewinsky affair
show: The View- Mark McGwire (WIF); Debbie Matenopoulos (host) battles raccoon
COMM: Oops! I Crapped My Pants can withstand full blasts from seniors' bowels
show: The Ladies' Man- Leon & (host) act out scenes from the Starr Report
COMM The Best Of The First 20 Minutes Of SNL redefines straight-to-videotape
show The New Hollywood Squares- the game goes on despite collapse of the board
TOON: "Fun With Real Audio" by RBS- Nixon haunts outtakes from Clinton address
news COQ thinks it's time to stop obsessing over the Lewinsky affair
news Dominican Lou wants $1,000,000 for a baseball vaguely tied to Sammy Sosa
song: musical guest performs "Perfect"
skit: at the Moomba Club, foxy (host) picks up Roxbury Guys, Festrunks
skit words fail odor of witches' brew; Jonathan Richman & Tommy Larkins cameos
COMM The Gap- "This is so easy" says sax-playing Clinton (DAH)
show: Jingleheimer Junction- new castmember (WIF) spells disaster for kids show
COMM The Gap- "This is not easy" says electric guitarist Hillary Clinton (ANG)
comm: Spice Girls (MOS), (CHO), (CHK), (host) give advice for pregnant mothers
TOON: "Maakies" by Tony Millionaire- proletarian Drinky Crow deadens himself
COMM The Gap- "This is easy" says Kenneth Starr (CHP) as he jigs amid evidence
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98h Vince Vaughn / Lauryn Hill
...............................................................................
cold oral sex experts testify for Clinton-investigating Senate committee
mono: to host's relief, Alfred Hitchcock (DAH) isn't upset about Psycho remake
COMM: Oops! I Crapped My Pants {rerun}
show: Dog Show- David Larry (WIF) & Miss Colleen (MOS) prefer canine company
skit Trent Walker (host) makes a Swinger of Mr. Peepers with a Vegas road trip
skit: spoken-for (host) & (WIF) mislead engaged (JIF) about joys of marriage
COMM: Brew Dude party hat helps college students focus on beer, not books
skit: ghosts of John Lennon (JIF) & Jerry Garcia (HOS) frustrate wisdom seekers
skit gas station employees mull the future in aftermath of Mobil-Exxon merger
news: COQ marvels at Republicans' persistence in pursuing impeachment
news: tree-chained Cinder Calhoun sings "Christmas Chainsaw Massacre"
song: musical guest performs "Doo Wop"
skit cloying cheer of Norman Bates' (host) mother (CHO) precipitated murder
show: Pimp Chat- Bishop Don 'Mack' Donald (TRM) & Pimpin' Kyle (TIM) talk shop
song musical guest performs "Ex-Factor"
skit: Delco Cat Toys salesmen trade macho banter & test quality of new products
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98k James Van Der Beek / Everlast
...............................................................................
cold: Clinton (DAH) is honored to welcome Larry Flynt (HOS) to the Oval Office
mono: disembodied voice of Don Pardo (DAH) expresses obsession with host
COMM: Teeny Weenies!- fertility drug kit abets reckless attitude to motherhood
show: spelling bee emcee (WIF) tries to improvise after losing the words
COMM weary Cats castmember (CHP) narrates video marking 11,000th performance
misc LOM steps in when Don Pardo's (DAH) voiceover lapses into host worship
show: Teen Pulse- sassy musical group 7 Degrees Celsius causes girls to swoon
show Dog Show- David Larry & Miss Colleen preside over a canine slumber party
news: COQ fingers senators trying to make names for themselves via impeachment
news foppish sports journalist Brian Fellow (TRM) uses tabloid-style reportage
song: musical guest performs "What It's Like"
skit: laser pointers of (host) & (TRM) ruin a Harry Connick, Jr. (JIF) concert
show The War Abroad & At Home- community college fumbles a WWII documentary
skit NBC exec (TIM) has created Frankenteen (host) to fill a programming niche
skit: Lou's lovely daughter Maria tries to corral a TV repairman (host)
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99f Jennifer Aniston / Sting
...............................................................................
cold: Donald Trump's (DAH) running mate is millionaire John Carpenter [real]
mono: host gets MOS, ANG, CHO, RAD to join her Catfight Club
show Pretty Living- joyologist Helen & horny self-esteem guru (musical guest)
skit: Nick Burns (JIF) condescends while giving tech support to officeworkers
comm: castaway Wayne Porter (CHP) wants to be reelected as leader of the island
comm (host) confuses coworkers by breaking fourth wall for genital herpes ad
show: Sex & The City- Carrie (host) recounts her rendezvous with Mr. Peepers
news: wired George W. Bush (WIF) plugs his book & fields COQ's questions
news: subtitles reveal the truth behind the polite race discussion of COQ & TRM
song: musical guest performs "Brand New Day"
skit: rented street urchins (host) & (RAD) entertain a family by begging
comm Wayne Porter's rival Kim Plunkett (WIF) counters with an attack ad
skit parents (DAH) & (host) are worried because their kid isn't into Pokemon
song musical guest & Cheb Mami [real] perform "Desert Rose"
skit Roberta ruins the family Thanksgiving dinner to which she invited herself
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99m Ben Affleck / Fiona Apple
...............................................................................
cold: Nightline- Peanuts characters mourn the passing of Charles Schulz
mono: Gwyneth Paltrow [real] comes on-stage & steals spotlight from host
COMM Victoria's Secret- Marisa's boobs ask "what is desire"
misc going to commercial, G.E. Smith [real] plays guitar
skit: host pretends to be Matt Damon in order to get close to Mango
skit Johnny Bartolotti's (host) attentions toward Denise make Sully jealous
TOON: "The All New Adventures of Mr. T" by RBS- Ibsen play is a chance to work
show Fretts Film Forum- small-town movie reviewers offer clever quotables
SHOW FANatic- obsessive (host) wants Anna Nicole Smith (MOS) to be his mom
news: George W. Bush (WIF), John McCain (CHP), Alan Keyes (TIM) speechify
song: musical guest performs "Limp"
skit: salesman (host) is embroiled in Zimmermans' sexy search for a used car
skit: Sally O'Malley barges in on a police academy exercise training session
COMM Trilocaine treats your dandruff & induces horrific hallucinations
show Who Wants To Be Groped By An Eleven Thousand-Aire?- (host) paws (CHK)
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99o The Rock / AC/DC
...............................................................................
cold: Vince McMahon [real] warns wrestlers not to mess with host during show
mono: Mick Foley, Triple H, Paul 'Big Show' Wight [real] wish host luck
COMM: Uncle Jemima's Pure Mash Liquor {rerun}
show: The Ladies' Man- Leon is in love with crossdressed undercover cop (host)
skit: paleontologist (WIF) reunites Mr. Peepers with his father (host)
show: Morning Latte- Tom & Cass can't separate host from his in-ring persona
news Jasper Hahn's presidential candidate caricatures start out dirty
news JIF plays guitar & sings Spring Break-themed songs based on pop hits
song: musical guest performs "Stiff Upper Lip"
skit: Daily Planet employees toy with Superman's (host) not-so-secret identity
COMM The Goombahs- (host) & (ANG) star in Showtime's rip-off of The Sopranos
comm: Nicotrel (host) uses physical violence to help (CHP) stop smoking
misc: Mick Foley, Triple H, Paul 'Big Show' Wight [real], host beat up on CHP
show Today's Lady- (RAD), (CHO), (MOS) throw themselves at stud (host)
song musical guest performs "You Shook Me All Night Long"
COMM: Colonel Belmont's Old Fashioned Horse Glue {rerun}
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99p Christopher Walken / Christina Aguilera
...............................................................................
cold: Bush (DAC) coaches son George W. (WIF) on how to be evasive
mono: host sings "Saturday Night Is The Loneliest Night Of The Week" & dances
show: Behind The Music- cowbell dominates Blue Oyster Cult recording session
misc going to commercial, J. Mascis [real] plays guitar
comm: Elian, The Cuban Boy!- stage adaptation of international custody battle
show: The Continental gets amorous when a lady arrives to retrieve her mail
COMM: wives sarcastically thank Viagra for restoring husbands' intumescence
show Jenny Jones (RAD)- audience member (host) imparts wisdom to panelists
news: Jacob Silj bemoans being afflicted with voice immodulation
song: musical guest performs "I Turn To You"
skit census taker (TIM) records apartment dweller's (host) crazy responses
show Sally O'Malley crashes the Miss Greenwood Hills Beauty Pageant
song musical guest performs "At Last" & "What A Girl Wants"
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00b Kate Hudson / Radiohead
...............................................................................
cold: in second debate, Al Gore (DAH) & George W. Bush (WIF) find common ground
mono: lesser-known Laugh-In scions help host get back to her roots
skit: coed's (host) televised Spring Break wildness embarrasses her parents
TOON "X-Presidents" by RBS- two-party rule repels threat from independents
show: Inside The Actors Studio- Drew Barrymore (host) recalls magical career
skit: Sully loves that his sister (host) is dating Nomar Garciaparra [real]
song: musical guest performs "The National Anthem"
news JIF uses foreign footage to show that NYC is nuts for the Subway Series
news JIF's Meet The Parents review consists of aping BES & Robert DeNiro
news Clinton (DAH) doesn't think much of the presidential candidates
skit: Woodrow brings host to the sewer to pitch his movie script idea
show: Meet The Press- Tim Russert (DAH) gives Hillary Clinton (ANG) a hard time
show: Rabun (MAR) To Shuri (host)- Japanese sitcom mirrors Laverne & Shirley
song musical guest performs "Idioteque"
comm castmembers deliver a PSA against voting while intoxicated
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00j Mena Suvari / Lenny Kravitz
...............................................................................
cold: on inauguration night, self-satisfied Clinton (DAH) says "suck on it"
mono: host has American Beauty-style rose petal fantasies about castmembers
COMM douse celebrants with the Gatorade Love Bucket during off-field events
skit attitudinal airport security guard Jackie (MAR) heeds bum metal detector
misc going to commercial, Fred Wesley [real] plays trombone
show: Janet Reno's (WIF) Dance Party- Janet Reno [real] crashes final episode
show: Rap Street- Aaron Carter (host) is commended for his G-rated rhymes
TOON: "X-Presidents" by RBS- wannabe member Clinton saves the inauguration
comm Wake Up Little Suzie- movie features (TRM)'s love for comatose (host)
news TIF delivers subversive Spanish message to rich Republicans' housekeepers
news JIF & TIF engage in boy-band gossip about the 7 Texas prison escapees
news federal appointee Jacob Silj is sensitive to being discriminated against
news Al Sharpton (JEM) & Jesse Jackson (DAH) croon about latter's love child
song: musical guest performs "Again"
show: Veronica & Co.- panelists include boyfriend (WIF) & young model (host)
skit: Kyle & Sean DeMarco win over musical guest with their take on his songs
song musical guest performs "Mr. Cab Driver"
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00s Lara Flynn Boyle / Bon Jovi
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cold: Dick Cheney's (DAH) economy of energy expenditure exemplifies efficiency
mono: audience member Keith razzes host about her weight & Jack Nicholson
COMM Corn Chip Nail Tips {rerun}
skit: (CHP) coughs during faux hernia test administered by (WIF), (host), (RAD)
skit: Kyle & Sean DeMarco don 80's hair while auditioning for musical guest
SHOW: Cribs- Robert Downey, Jr. (CHK) gives a very quick tour of his jail cell
comm host makes an appeal on behalf of Save The Starving Actresses Foundation
misc going to commercial, Delbert McClinton [real] plays harmonica
show: Premiere Playhouse- town elders welcome (host)'s Scarlet Letters B & J
song: musical guest performs "It's My Life"
news Lou Reed [real] addresses rumors of his death circulating on the Internet
comm anachronistic Moulin Rouge pairs 1890's setting with 1970's music
show: MSNBC Investigates- teen boys' Golden Girls copycat syndrome is worrisome
show: Wake Up Wakefield!- phys ed teacher (host) prepares Sheldon for the prom
comm voice-immodulant Shaquille O'Neal (TRM) was joking about his sex life
song musical guest performs "You Give Love A Bad Name"
skit Bloater brothers overextend themselves while flirting with barmaid (host)
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00t Christopher Walken / Weezer
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cold: despite marital woes & a broken penis, Rudolph Giuliani (DAH) is doing OK
mono: oblivious to pronunciation, host sings "Let's Call The Whole Thing Off"
skit wowed janitor (host) imagines himself & Mango in famous screen roles
show Hardball- Chris Matthews (DAH) likes Bob Barr's (CHP) crazy energy scheme
show: a lost brooch provides The Continental with another chance to woo
news: in a terrible re-enactment, Joey Fatone (CHK) injures his foot
news: KEN does a subliminal editorial to remind viewers he's no longer on SNL
news: JIF, TIF, Winona Ryder [real] stage a Weekend Update cliffhanger
song: musical guest performs "Hash Pipe"
skit: (ANG) is upset that her beau (host) was once a lover of Roger & Virginia
TOON "The Anatominals Show" by RBS- beasts' genitals spur LOM Faustian crisis
skit: (host)'s personal questions dominate centaur's (CHP) job interview
skit: (WIF)'s irritability stems from the badger that crawled up his butt
song musical guest & WIF perform "Island In The Sun"
misc for Memorial Day, HOS, CHK, TRM, JIF perform a happy Christmas ditty
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Frank Serpas III ser...@io.com
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it's SATURDAY NET- http://www.io.com/~serpas/snl.html