>REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY:
>"Dirty Dancing in Mexico". Tamra's nasty bachelorette party in Mexicon
>continues with some dirty Mexican strippers slapping the junk in the
>ladies' faces. Apparently, while in America, strippers dress up like
>cops, in Mexico, they dress up like matadors. Oh yeah, Tamra "confided"
>to Gretchen that she first tried to kill herself when she was 12 years
>old, not 21, and that she's a crappy human because her father, too.
Regarding Jim "shutting down" talk of the OC women:
Are you a fucking idiot? Bravo pays Alexis a couple of hundred thousand
dollars a year to talk about these wretched women, moron. My God and
Jeebus, suffer through fifteen minutes of it before Bravo pays for your
dinner.
Regarding the post-Andele's return to the hotel drama:
Holy passive-aggressive, Batshit! Everyone in the Western Hemisphere
knew where the gals were, ("I'm going to Andele's!" "Hey, this
restaurant sucks, we should go to Andele's!" "Andele's, Andele's,
Andele's!") And lest we forget, the three of them walked up the street
to go there. This is like being pissed at a friend for leaving you at
the Lincoln Memorial while you went down to the Reflecting Pool, after
said friend mentioned four gazillion times that he or she was going to
the Reflecting Pool...at the fucking steps of the Lincoln Memorial.
I love Heather in moments like these, however. She's a total Alpha Dog
and shuts all the bullshit down quickly and directly. Gretchen talking
smack about Vicki? Shut it down. The drunk girls coming in all
fake-apologetic? Shut it down. Good for her, frankly. Bad for her for
playing along with the storyline that they didn't know where they were
("Andele's! Andele's Andele's!") l'd like her even more if she would
have said that she was way too classy and adult to go get trashed on the
beach at her age and level of refinement. (I'd never like to go out and
party with her, however.)
I'd buy Gretchen's story of betrayal even more if we all didn't know
that (a) this was the 'cheap' Bravo-paid vacation this season and (b) if
we all didn't know that the Gretchen and Tamra friendship is totally
fake, fake, fake, fake, fake.
Vicki leaking on Tamra's bed was totally a dog marking her territory.
Props to you, nutbag, for owning it, but no. We all do not leak
sometimes. (And Heather's reaction later to hearing about the pee-on-bed
moment was 400 Shades of Fucking Awesome.)
Regarding the Day of Culture in Mexico:
Again, I'm totally with Heather here. Lydia (while right: clearly,
Andele's was the highlight of this trip,) was quite catty in her remark,
and Heather was quite quick and concise with her clear, logical
response. What I like about her is that once she puts a period on the
sentence, it's done (I suspect this is one of the reasons she can't
stand fighting with Alexis, as she just adds clauses and commas after
Heather has ended the statement.)
Oh, Gretchen. It pains me to say this, but you're clearly in the right
here. But Vicki driving you nuts is one of the joys of this television
show. Or, to put this another way, I'd give Vicki a raise just to drive
your ass nuts each and every week.
Regarding the Day on the Beach:
Wow, Gretchen. What a fucking amazing body on you! Lydia kind of faded
into the background, but I liked Heather's ensemble, as well. Vicki? Oy.
And Tamra, you might be three-to-five years past bikinis--not that you
don't have a good body, but you've reached the one-piece phase of life.
I laughed out loud at Tamra's bullshit "emotional" moment on the beach.
First, that shopping for sex toys with Gretchen is somehow more "deep"
than going through a divorce with Vicki. Second, just the phrase "I've
never told this to anyone before, and not any of those women up there."
Yeah, not told to anyone except the eight people at the convention
keynote two episodes ago, and all of the tens of twenties watching this
episode presently. I do love when they pretend that this is an intimate,
private moment, as if all of them aren't living out the Warren Beatty
statement to Madonna in Truth or Dare...that "nothing is worth doing if
it's not on camera."
And Jesus, Vicki! How jealous can you be of Gretchen? Of Gretchen, for
fuck's sake! My God, woman...let it go. Yes, it sucks that your real,
pre-HW friendship with Tamra was hijacked for a season or two by this
fake, for television friendship with Gretchen, but move on! (Also, gotta
love Heather's "yes, yes you are" response to the "is Vicki competitive
with Gretchen over Tamra" query. Again, direct, to the point, and
perioded sentence. Nobody asked to her to elaborate because Heather be
done, yo.)
Regarding The Stripper Party:
OK, that shit was a hoot. I enjoyed every moment of that train wreck,
from Heather's sly and sexy gifts to the ear-fucking. Totally wished I
were there. Looked like a trashy good time, all around. Also, note how
fun it was to watch Vicki and Gretchen just be drunk and have fun. Take
note, bitches.
So guys, between Vicki's "leaking" on the bed and Teresa's "period blood
in the red wine curse" story on RHONJ...which is more gross? I lean
towards Vicki's peeing as it actually happened.