ALL: SOAP OPERA LAWS
Kenneth Henderson
MANDABELLA (manda...@aol.com) wrote:
: Does anyone know all of the soap opera laws?
: I know that if your husband rips your adopted son out of your arms at the
: airport, then you are entitled to sleep with his equally distraught
: brother, thus resulting in a miracle baby from said one night stand.
: Any others?
How about:
If any significant plot developments, especially outdoors ones, occur
during the daylight hours, there is required to be a rainstorm, so that
the show doesn't have to waste money on unnecesary lighting.
--Ken "Anyone else notice it's always nighttime on AMC?"
Rose Marie Delckum
MANDABELLA (manda...@aol.com) wrote:
: Does anyone know all of the soap opera laws?
:
: I know that if your husband rips your adopted son out of your arms at the
: airport, then you are entitled to sleep with his equally distraught
: brother, thus resulting in a miracle baby from said one night stand.
:
: Any others?
One of the biggest soap opera laws...
Never, ever ever ever ever, under any circumstances, even
if forced at gunpoint, say something like "honey, I've never been so
happy in my life. Things can't possibly get any better. I never
imagined I'd be so happy."
If you say this you are doomed. No question about it.
:
:
: Amanda M. Diaz-Callahan
Roo
--
__________________________________________________________________________
"Ivanova is always right. I will listen |
to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's | Rose M. Delckum
recommendations. Ivanova is God. And if |
this ever happens again, Ivanova will | rmde...@starbase.spd.
personally rip your lungs out." | louisville.edu
Cmdr. Susan Ivanova |
Babylon 5 |
___________________________________________|______________________________
MANDABELLA
Does anyone know all of the soap opera laws?
I know that if your husband rips your adopted son out of your arms at the
airport, then you are entitled to sleep with his equally distraught
brother, thus resulting in a miracle baby from said one night stand.
Any others?
Amanda M. Diaz-Callahan
FAC Phoebe; BL&P - 1st VP of Community Relations; IHPC; SSSS-VP AFAC Santa
Maria - Pres. and Keeper of the "Holier that thou" attitude; ILKC - Tres.
and Keeper of the Vindictive attitude; SAPP (Society to Axe Pointless
Pierce) aman...@udel.edu; MANDA...@aol.com
"I look handsome, I look smart. I am a walking work of art." - Joseph
Butterfield 8
manda...@aol.com (MANDABELLA) writes:
>Does anyone know all of the soap opera laws?
>
>I know that if your husband rips your adopted son out of your arms at the
>airport, then you are entitled to sleep with his equally distraught
>brother, thus resulting in a miracle baby from said one night stand.
>
>Any others?
>
>
>Amanda M. Diaz-Callahan
Right! If you're infertile, just wait until your life and
relationship is smashed to a zillion pieces and when there's no
hope of reconciliation....you'll be "with child!" :-p
Matt
FAC Myrtle
Sandra
Rose Marie Delckum wrote:
>
> MANDABELLA (manda...@aol.com) wrote:
> : Does anyone know all of the soap opera laws?
> :
> : I know that if your husband rips your adopted son out of your arms at the
> : airport, then you are entitled to sleep with his equally distraught
> : brother, thus resulting in a miracle baby from said one night stand.
> :
> : Any others?
>
>
Yip, and this applies to movies also...If the BADDDD guy is lying on the
ground looking to be dead ..make sure you walk over so he/she can come
to life and grab your feet...orr make sure you lean down and touch them
so they can grab your hand. It doesn't matter if you've blown them thru
with a cannon...they're not dead, if you're going to get anywhere near
the body!!!
-Sandra
Tante Joan
In article <4sli1g$m...@netnews.upenn.edu>,
hend...@futures.wharton.upenn.edu says...All right, as a public service I will reprint Dave Vollman's copyrighted
Soap Laws. Pay attention:
Subject: AMC: TAN: The Soap Laws of Pine Valley
From: d...@ih4ehz.ih.att.com (Dave Vollman)
Date: 30 Apr 1996 17:03:29 GMT
(c) copyright 1995, 1996 David Vollman, Editor.
THE SOAP LAWS OF PINE VALLEY, PENNSYLVANIA was
and is a collaborative effort of several readers of the
rec.arts.tv.soaps.abc
USENET group. This article may be redistributed provided the entire
article
including this notice is intact.
THE SOAP LAWS OF PINE VALLEY, PENNSYLVANIA
Hear ye, hear ye. Here lie the soap laws for the
town of Pine Valley Pennsylvania, established 1683.
To amend or change these laws, send your proposed
addition or change to the city clerk's office
(d...@ih4ehz.att.com) for consideration.
These laws are numbered starting with a section number
and terminating with a statute number, which will begin at
one and increment for each individual statue in that
section.
Penalties for violations of the laws included within are left
to
the discretion of the trial court.
New or revised statutes are denoted with a *.
SECTION 0
Section 0 contains special exemptions to Pine Valley
laws.
S0.001 Joseph and Ruth Martin, Husband and Wife, are exempt
from all
laws contained herein, unless explicitly stated otherwise.
S0.002 Katherine Martin, also known as Kate Martin, also known
as
"Grand," now deceased, is exempt from all laws contained
herein, unless explicitly stated otherwise.
S0.003 Mona Kane Tyler, now deceased, is exempt from all laws
contained
herein, unless explicitly stated otherwise.
SECTION 1
Section 1 contains laws applicable to families in Pine
Valley
S1.001 Residents are required to have a child somewhere of a
long, forgotten liaison.
S1.002 Residents who leave Pine Valley will have all records of
their
existence removed from all other residents memories
within 14 days.
S1.003 Upon a resident mentioning a friend, loved one, relative,
or prisoner, the aforementioned person is required to arrive
in
Pine Valley within 60 days.
S1.004 If a resident of Pine Valley is involved in a happy love life,
a past romantic interest or ex-spouse is required to arrive
within 30 days.
S1.005 If a resident reaches the utmost happiness attainable in
Pine
Valley, the resident is required to die within 60 days. The
final
30 days of this time will be spent in intensive care at Pine
Valley
Hospital.
S1.006 Pregnancy is required to occur in the following instances:
a) If a resident thinks that without a doubt, she
cannot become pregnant,
b) If the parents of the fetus end their relationship.
c) If the parents of the fetus have intercourse once.
d) If a resident has intercourse to spite another resident.
S1.007 Pregnancy is required to cause one of the following:
a) the parentage is questionable
b) The child will be born prematurely because the mother
fell down the stairs or something or there will
be other medical complications.
c) If the child goes to term, the child will be not be born
in a hospital, but some other,
usually isolated, locale.
S1.008 If a resident proclaims over and over their love for another
resident
to anyone who will listen, The resident is in love with
someone else.
S1.009 All Residents are required to have "little secrets" that no
one will ever tell.
S1.010 Secrets required is S1.009 are required to be revealed at
the
time that will cause the most possible damage to the
resident.
S1.011 If two residents start off their relationship fighting or hating
each other, they will eventually fall in love.
S1.012 No two biological parents can raise their child
together in the same household.
S1.013 If two past lovers plan an evening out with different people,
they are required to dine at the same restaurant.
S1.014 All children of residents are required to go to camp
frequently.
S1.015 Infant children of residents are required to be doing one of
the
following at all times:
a) preparing for a nap
b) napping
c) waking up from a nap.
*S1.016 The child of any resident who is put up for adoption,
kidnaped,
or stolen from the nursery will soon be adopted by
someone close
to at least one of the biological parents, or must return to
Pine Valley at the worst possible time for the adoptive
parent.
S1.017 Residents discussing private matters are required to do so
in a room with the door open, allowing other residents to
hear
the conversation.
*S1.018 Residents engaged in extra-marital affairs are required to
do
at least one of the following:
a)have intercourse in a house in which they don't lock the
doors,
or perhaps even close the doors.
b) leave the location of their next meeting in plain view.
c) fail to use birth control
d) the event is videotaped or the participants are caught on
audio
tape discussint the transgression.
S1.019 Intercourse between residents after the resolution of a
relationship
threatening matter is required to involve the following:
a) lit candles
b) several floral arrangements.
S1.020 Child residents age as follows:
0,1,2,3,10,11,12,16,17.
S1.021 Adult residents of Pine Valley are not required to have 1
year
added to their age every 365.25 days.
S1.022 Any newlywed couple who wants "lots" of children and
wants
the first "right away" will have one of the following
problems:
a) infertility,
b) pregnancy that ends in miscarriage (and sometimes
renders the woman incapable of further pregnancies), or
c) death of the expectant mother with the pregnancy
continued to
term by a woman with a strong emotional attachment
to the grieving father.
S1.023 All residents are required to have one of the following:
a) identical sibling,
b) sibling capable of taking over their lives, or
c) person who looks identical to them, although they are
not related.
S1.024 Any parent is allowed to sue the other parent for custody
at any
time. During the custody hearing, any past behavior of the
plaintiff
showing them to be an unfit parent is not admissable.
S1.025 Residents are prohibited from mentioning other residents
sudden and
unexplained changes in physical characterisitcs, including,
but not limited
to, height, weight, eye color, hair color and foot size.
S1.026 Any child that is adopted by a Pine Valley resident will
have the
natural parent or parents arrive in town shortly after their
adoption.
S1.027 Any resident having conversing or corresponding with Erica
Kane
must include "Mona was a great lady" somewhere in the
conversation
or correspondance.
S1.028 Any male resident or nonresident conversing with Erica
Kane is
required
to mention what a beautiful and amazing woman she is at
least once.
S1.029 A resident's paternity is never definate.
SECTION 2
Section 2 contains laws applicable to Weddings held in
PV, or
Weddings of residents of Pine Valley married elsewhere,
including
Elk Green.
S2.001 Weddings of residents are planned almost
instantaneously,
no matter how elaborate.
S2.002 Weddings that are held in Pine Valley will be held as
follows:
a) must be religious. A cleric or another must officiate
b) there will be a full scale orchestra, that will not be seen
c) When the question is asked "does anyone know of a
reason these
two cannot be married....," there are several nervous
glances.
S2.003 A crisis is required to strike within 24 hours of a wedding,
causing at least one of the following:
a) the bride or groom to just make it in time
b) the couple to doubt their future together
S2.004 If the Bride is seen in her wedding dress before the date of
the
wedding, the wedding is required to be canceled or
postponed.
S2.005 Any wedding that is not planned and executed within 14
days is
not allowed to take place.
S2.006 The Boutique is required to stock wedding dresses for all
female
residents
that are ready to be worn on a moments notice.
S2.008 Honeymoon trips are required to be cancelled due to family
or other
emergency. If a trip is taken, the residents are required to
discover
a long lost family secret.
SECTION 3
Section 3 contains laws applicable to transportation into,
out of
and within Pine Valley.
S3.001 All established residents of Pine Valley are allowed to use
the
Pine Valley Transporter system.
S3.002 No person, other than those allowed by S3.001, is allowed
to
view or use the Pine Valley Transporter system. Residents
are
prohibited from mentioning the Transporter, and must
pretend they
drove to their destination.
S3.003 If residents need to have a conversation on the way
to their destination, they must either use a car, plane, or
train
for at least a short amount of time. also, the scenery
outside of
the chosen vehicle does not have to match any known
locality, and
does not even have to be consistent from one point of view
to the next.
S3.004 Residents who wish to use their cars must do one of the
following
while in their car:
a) have an accident
b) be stopped by the police for speeding, or be otherwise
hindered while on the way to a time critical destination
c) become stranded
S3.005 Residents are not required to buy fuel for their cars.
S3.006 The Pine Valley Airport has direct flights to any major
city in the world within a 24 hour period.
S3.007 Residents can buy an airline tickets at the airport. no
reservations are needed.
S3.008 Residents are prohibited from suffering from jet lag.
S3.009 All residents can afford to fly first class or at least regular
fare, regardless of the scheduling of their flight.
S3.010 Any resident driving on Old River Road is required to have
an accident
S3.011 Time is completely relative in Pine Valley
S3.012 In keeping with S3.002, residents who drove somewhere
will
still be offered (and accept) rides from others upon leaving.
S3.013 Residents who are driving are not required to watch the
road or
read any signs until an accident is immediately pending.
S3.014 Residents visiting other residents must always use the
transporter
so that while they are there, or more likely immediately
after
they leave, the next person arriving has no clue (from a car
in
the driveway or seeing the person leaving) that anyone is
or has
been there.
SECTION 4
Section 4 contains laws applicable to finance in Pine
Valley
S4.001 Residents are not required to pay for anything.
If they decide to pay for an item, they always have enough.
S4.002 All residents of Pine Valley are required to have large
sums
of disposable cash at some time in their life.
S4.003 All children of Adam Chandler are required to have a
minimum one million dollar trust fund.
S4.004 Residents who are employed are required to take unlimited
time
off at full pay to do one or more of the following:
a)meddle,
b)schmooz,
c)have intercourse, and
d)have lunch.
S4.005 Residents who amass a large fortune are required to lose
said
fortune to their worst enemy in town due to an ill advised
business move.
S4.006 Residents who have lost their fortune is S4.005, will
recover the
fortune after a long illness.
S4.007 Residents are prohibited from sitting down at a desk to pay
bills
S4.008 Residents are required to have a grand dress or tuxedo for
a party, no
matter what their alleged financial condition is.
S4.009 A resident may not own more than 49% of the stock in a
public
corporation,
even if they originated the business.
S4.010 All residents of Pine Valley are required to be able to
handle complex
corporate financial matters without any apparent training.
SECTION 5
Section 5 contains laws applicable to health care in Pine
Valley
S5.001 All doctors at Pine Valley hospital must be able to practice
in
any specialty except psychology and obstetrics.
S5.002 All patients at Pine Valley Hospital will receive state of the
art
treatment in a private room, regardless of their financial or
insurance status.
S5.003 All residents are prohibited from having small ailments
such as
the following:
a) flu
b) headaches (unless it is the symptom of a brain tumor)
c) stubbed toes
S5.004 Scarring is prohibited in Pine Valley Hospital.
S5.005 If a resident has a cold, other residents are prohibited from
mentioning their raspy, hoarse voice or asking how they
are.
Residents with colds are also prohibited from staying in
bed
and blowing their nose.
S5.006 Female residents are prohibited from receiving pap smears
S5.007 Male residents are prohibited from receiving prostate
exams.
S5.008 Only one psychiatrist is allowed to practice in Pine Valley
at any time.
S5.009 Residents cannot be considered permanently infertile for
any reason.
S5.010 There is only one floor, called the 4th floor, in the Pine
Valley hospital.
S5.011 Any specialist practicing at Pine Valley Hospital are
required to be
"the best in their field."
S5.012 Specialists mentioned in S5.012 are required to be
practicing
general medicine within 90 days of their arrival in Pine
Valley.
S5.013 Residents of Pine Valley are required to withstand
tremendous
trauma, including, but not limited to, falls from bridges and
aircraft.
S5.014 Residents who are presumed dead from trauma contained
in S5.103
are required to return to Pine Valley alive at the worst
possible
time for the other residents they interacted with.
S5.015 Doctors in Pine Valley are specifically prohibited from
involking
doctor-patient confidentially at any time.
SECTION 6
Section 6 contains laws applicable to education in Pine
Valley
or education of Pine Valley residents in any location.
S6.001 Residents may attend the Pine Valley Schools at their
leisure.
Attendance is not required, nor will attendance records be
kept.
S6.002 Residents will automatically graduate from Pine Valley
High School.
S6.003 Any college-age resident, guest of a resident, family
member
of a resident, or distant acquaintance of a resident is
AUTOMATICALLY ACCEPTED into Pine Valley University,
regardless
of high school record, placement test scores, or ability to
pay tuition.
S6.004 Pine Valley University is required to have the best program
in the nation in any field of study a student is pursuing.
S6.005 Any student at Pine Valley University who is not studying in
a accordance with S6.004 will be moved to Stanford
University.
SECTION 7
Section 7 contains any laws that do not fit into the
previous
sections.
S7.001 Residents are prohibited from attending a Grateful Dead
show
S7.002 The magazines in any location are required to be 80%
Tempo back
issues.
The other 20% will be National Intruder, with stories about
residents
on the front cover.
S7.003 Any time a Resident is really stressed out, the following
remedies are allowed:
a) hot tea administered by Ruth, Myrtle, Mona or Peggy,
or
b) Tranquilizers prescribed by Dr. Joe Martin.
c) Tranquilizers prescribed by Dr. Maria Santos.
d) throw the most breakable and expensive object in the
room.
If resident is Erica Kane, this option is required.
S7.003.5 Anytime a resident uses the words 'NEVER' of 'ALWAYS'
in a
sentence, the opposite is required to happen.
S7.004 A new resident is introduced a body part at a time and in
the
following order: Feet, legs, back of the head, swinging
arms,
voice, and then the face.
S7.005 Mentions of bodily functions are prohibited.
S7.006 Restrooms will be available for women only, and only used
when the women want a private place to talk and/or fight.
S7.007 Residents are prohibited from having pleasant dreams.
S7.008 All residents are required to awaken from dreams by sitting
upright quickly and gasping.
S7.009 Pine Valley residents are required to suspend time after a
probing
question is asked of them.
S7.010 Residents suspending time in S7.009 must maintain eye
movements
so non-residents of Pine Valley will not suspect time has
been
suspended.
S7.011 Any PV resident who loses his/her wallet is required to have
an accident and develop amnesia within 15 days.
S7.012 Residents are prohibited from watching television or
listening
to a radio unless a news program with information critical
to the resident is being broadcast from the studios of
WRCW.
S7.013 All female residents are required to wear a full face of
makeup and
have
their hair fixed impeccably 24 hours a day.
S7.014 S7.013 may be suspended in rare cases when said person
is in a coma
and/or
near death.
SECTION 8
Section 8 deals with courtroom proceedings in Pine Valley
S8.001 Any Pine Valley resident in a court action must be
represented
by a local attorney. If two Pine Valley residents are
involved,
one must be represented by a local attorney, and the other
may
be represented by an attorney from elsewhere.
S8.002 During any Pine Valley Trial, counsel must allow
witnesses
to ramble on and speculate wildly without objection.
*S8.003 During any trial in Pine Valley, the defendant must
have at least one emotional outburst. If Erica Kane is the
defendant, this must occur daily.
S8.004 Any resident of Pine Valley is allowed to take and pass
the bar
exam, even if they have not attended law school. In this
case, the
resident will have appeared to have studied in the offices of
Montgomery and Associates.
S8.005 Residents practicing law under section S8.004, will be
required
to represent high profile clients in their first case.
--
| Dave Vollman
Cogito, ergo stipendium | Lucent Technologies, Naperville, IL
| Email: d...@ih4sh.att.com
| Lucent would never let ME
speak for THEM!
------------------- Headers --------------------
shawne adelman
manda...@aol.com (MANDABELLA) wrote:
>Does anyone know all of the soap opera laws?
>I know that if your husband rips your adopted son out of your arms at the
>airport, then you are entitled to sleep with his equally distraught
>brother, thus resulting in a miracle baby from said one night stand.
>Any others?
>Amanda M. Diaz-Callahan
>FAC Phoebe; BL&P - 1st VP of Community Relations; IHPC; SSSS-VP AFAC Santa
>Maria - Pres. and Keeper of the "Holier that thou" attitude; ILKC - Tres.
>and Keeper of the Vindictive attitude; SAPP (Society to Axe Pointless
>Pierce) aman...@udel.edu; MANDA...@aol.com
>"I look handsome, I look smart. I am a walking work of art." - Joseph
If you go to a party/rave, and someone spikes your drink, resulting in
you ending up smashed, then a stranger who rescues you, is your
ex-boyfriend's,(who you still are in love with and vs. versa ,but you
broke up with because of a secret from your past that you think he'll
hate you for.) long lost brother,who's he's been searching for 5
years, but you don't realize it's him at the time.
Shawne
FGC Karen (among others
MHGC Sonny
Dave Vollman
In article <4t9u38$10...@mule1.mindspring.com>,
shawne adelman <atlg...@atl.mindspring.com> wrote:
>manda...@aol.com (MANDABELLA) wrote:
>
>>Does anyone know all of the soap opera laws?
Well, since you asked.....
(c) copyright 1995, 1996 David Vollman, Editor.
THE SOAP LAWS OF PINE VALLEY, PENNSYLVANIA was
and is a collaborative effort of several readers of the rec.arts.tv.soaps.abc
USENET group. This article may be redistributed provided the entire article
including this notice is intact.
THE SOAP LAWS OF PINE VALLEY, PENNSYLVANIA
Hear ye, hear ye. Here lie the soap laws for the
town of Pine Valley Pennsylvania, established 1683.
To amend or change these laws, send your proposed
addition or change to the city clerk's office
(d...@ih4sh.att.com) for consideration.
0,1,2,3,10,11,12,16,17.
>
>>I know that if your husband rips your adopted son out of your arms at the
>>airport, then you are entitled to sleep with his equally distraught
>>brother, thus resulting in a miracle baby from said one night stand.
>
>>Any others?
I think this is covered under multiple sections of section 1. A long sentence
is recommended for Maria.
--
| Dave Vollman
Cogito, ergo stipendium | Lucent Technologies, Naperville, IL
| Email: d...@ih4ehz.lucent.com
Leslie M. Hines
Another law: If you say about someone "this is the person I
want to spend the rest of my life with, you will be divorced
within six months.
Mindy Crow
In article <4t9u38$10...@mule1.mindspring.com>, atlg...@atl.mindspring.com
says...
Head to www.amcpages.com for a complete set of AMC Soap opera laws.
>manda...@aol.com (MANDABELLA) wrote:
>
>>Does anyone know all of the soap opera laws?
>
>>I know that if your husband rips your adopted son out of your arms at
the
>>airport, then you are entitled to sleep with his equally distraught
>>brother, thus resulting in a miracle baby from said one night stand.
>
>>Any others?
>
>
Moulton
In article <4tj5v9$m...@tofu.alt.net>,
NEVER, NEVER say: "I could KILL you!"
Lynda AKA Ginge
FCG Stefan
FCG Nikolas
Andrys D Basten
In article <4tj5v9$m...@tofu.alt.net>,
Leslie M. Hines <lmh...@novagate.com> wrote:
>Another law: If you say about someone "this is the person I
>want to spend the rest of my life with, you will be divorced
>within six months.
This is where soaps meet real life!
--
,------------------------------------------------------------------------,
| Andrys Basten <and...@netcom.com> | Certified Netware Engineer |
| Have Early Music, Will Travel | Basten Micro Consulting |
| Harpsichord, recorders | Berkeley/SF, CA 510-235-3861 |
+------------------------------------------------------------------------+
jou...@utdallas.edu
Any character seen taking medication will be required to suffer from drug
addiction.
It's in the rules. I checked!
--
Tracey
jou...@utdallas.edu