AMC:TAN: Unca Matt
Cleomattra
Previously on "AMC:TAN: Unca Matt"
Erica: Matt...this is Erica...you know me. I understand what
you're going through. You're not well.
Unca Matt: (squinting eyes) What's happening to me??
Erica: You're over medicated..it's the pills!
Unca Matt: (shaking) I'm so scared!!!
____________________________________________________________________
Opal: Come on honey lets go home.
Unca Matt: Home?!?! I don't have a home, a home is where you're
loved and not treated like a mental patient!!
Erica: You don't live with Maria and Edmond! You live at the Action
Womb Townhouse!
Adam: You don't want to continue this in front of the camera!
Unca Matt: What do you know what I want?!?! You don't care about
me...no body cares!!
Adam: I do care!!
Erica: Matt, listen to me.....when I was a young girl, my mother and
I went to your christening! My mother took home movies from a camera
my father left behind, and there's footage of me holding you, you
were such a good quiet baby! I can have this film put on video for
you.....would you like that??
This calms Unca Matt down and he is lead away to the lobby. S/Mateo
watches from a distance wanting to rush to his arms.
Unca Matt: How soon could you make me a copy?!?!
Adam makes an announcement as the crowd starts to whisper and get up
from their seats. Light jazz music begins to play.
Erica: How many pills have you taken..do you remember??
Unca Matt: I don't know...I just need to tapper off, I need one
of those little pill holders with the days on them...
Erica: You're beyond that point. There's a place you can get help, a
place where neurosis is tackled year after year....
Unca Matt: Llanefair?!?! (sp?)
Erica: No...the Betty White Clinic...it's for the TV obsessed,
impulsive shop alcoholics..oh and pet shelter!
Unca Matt: I'm being sent to a KENNEL?!??!
Erica: It's near Center City, they can help you!! It's very private!
Unca Matt: I'm not addicted?!?! I'm just...um...well....
Erica: Take it from me, you either detox now or die!!
Unca Matt: No...no...I can't leave my kids!!! I won't go..you can't
make me! They say getting of this stuff is worse than ending
your QVC membership!!! You've all turned against me...(runs out of
lobby)
S/Mateo: We gotta go after him!!!
Erica: No Sean...he has to come back on his own...it's the only
way.
Myrtle: Ah think Erica's right about this.
Shortly a cab drops Unca Matt off at WRCW..the back alley....
Unca Matt: (banging on back stage door) Hey, where is everybody!?!?!
Everybody?? They're all gone...everybodies gone...Louie??..Lexy??...
SEEEEEEAAAAAANNNN!!!!!!! (cries) Weeble....FeeBee!!! All Gone!!...No
matter, the WHOLE WORLD LOVES ME!!!! (trips over a trash can that
spills and falls into garbage heap..crawling) Oh Unca Matt.........
UNCA MAAAA-AAAATT!!!!!!! (sobs).....(takes out his pill stash then
holds them in a fist to his forehead) God HELP me!!! (suddenly a
church bell rings in the distance as an old sound track is played..
from the original Unca Matt plight, it's FeeBee, Weeble and S/Mateo:
"Come on Unca Matt, you can do it!!!" "You Can Do it!" "You Can Do
It!!" (Throws pills into the dark and lifts one fist to the night
sky) YES!!!! I CAN do it!!! As God is my witness, as GOD IS MY
WITNESS this addiction won't lick me, I'm going to beat it and when
it's all over I'll never rely on pills EVER again! No and I won't
worry my family either! If I have to go to rehab I'll do it, even
if it means no TV and Barbies for a while, I'll do it!! AS GOD IS MY
WITNESS I'LL NEVER RELY ON PILLS AGAIN!! (camera pulls back to show
silhouette of Unca Matt standing in the alley)
Too Be Continued.....
Next time on "AMC:TAN: Unca Matt.."
Noah: Look Ju-ya, Rose was completely out uh line leavin' us kids
like dat!
Julia: Well why don't you blow up the photo some more and see if in
fact her foot was in bounds or not...did she cross that line?!?!
WOOOOOOSH!>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Caz: (at the Insomniac Cafe) This glitter butterfly painting isn't
worthy of a door prize!! I am immune to your SPIT WADS! Oh I miss
Helga!!! I can't go on..what's happening to me?!?! Who's Blanche
Trash?!?!
Kevin: CALM DOWN PEOPLE! Caz, climb down from d'ere it's duh
Mocha...you're over caffeinated!!!
WOOOOOOSH!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
S/Mateo: Unca Matt....please say you forgive me?!??!
Unca Matt: Sean....I need you to do me a favor....
Cleomattra
Previously on "AMC:TAN: Unca Matt.."
Erica: The Betty White Center...it's for the TV obsessed,
impulsive shop alcoholics..oh and pet shelter!
Unca Matt: I'm being sent to a KENNEL?!??!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!>>>>>>>>>>>
Mateo: Man that Unca Matt..what a wacko..and who's this
Sean/Mateo?!?!
Hayley: Unca Matt 'er Matt Ramsey is just as sane and stable and and
HONEST as the rest of us!!
Mateo: Like I was saying......
WOOOOOOOOOOOSH!>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Unca Matt: (tear streaked face he revolves to quit taking drugs) AS
GOD IS MY WITNESS I'LL NEVER RELY ON PILLS AGAIN!! (camera pulls
back to show silhouette of Unca Matt standing in the alley)
____________________________________________________________________
S/Mateo and Bubbie keep vigil at the Action Womb Tonwhouse as the
children have gone to sleep for the night...
S/Mateo: He just HAS to return...if only I had thought to wire him
up to the Matt computer I could have found him on the Gaydar screen!
Bubbie Joan: Sweetheart, if wishes were horses, bubbies could ride.
That boy is in orbit right now, and we have to hope that Erica can
talk him down.
S/Mateo: So ya think he can ever forgive me?!?! I just slipped once
and I don't want to lose what we had as a family!!
Bubbie Joan: You have to have faith, S/Mateo, and trust that when
Unca Matt is himself again, he will forgive you. Either that or you
gotta hope he lost a few hundred brain cells.
Unca Matt arrives looking very weak and tired.
S/Mateo: Oh Thank God!!! Are you all right?!?!
Unca Matt: Are the kids in bed?!? I don't want them to see me like
this!
Bubbie Joan: All safely tucked up. I read them the AARP Bulletin
from cover to cover and they went out like two precious little
lights.
Unca Matt: I'm ready to leave for the Betty White Center....how soon
can we leave?
S/Mateo: Actually we've already made a call to the clinic and you
can arrive anytime.
Unca Matt: Bubbie would you escort me? I know you don't drive at
night and I'm too full of dolls..I mean pills...can we take a cab?
Bubbie Joan: (has a suit case already packed) Dollink, I'm way ahead
of you, but from now on I'm going to be right by your side. Betty
White Center, here we come.
S/Mateo: Matt...I just need to know...is there any chance we can
still be together?!? Unca Matt....please say you'll forgive me?!??!
Unca Matt: Sean....I need you to do me a favor....
S/Mateo: Anything!
Unca Matt: Stay here with the children...and try to explain where
I'm going..don't lie to them about it. The truth matters very much
doesn't it?? As for "us," let me take care of my addiction first and
then we'll talk.
S/Mateo: Hug me? (they share an embrace) Good luck..I'm very proud
of you.
Unca Matt: Thank you...good bye.
Before leaving Unca Matt and turns to Sean/Mateo....they share one
final meaningful glance.
Crane shot of S/Mateo hugging the same little pillow Unca Matt
once hugged in place of Sean.....
Matt
On the Next "AMC:TAN: Unca Matt"
Rosa: My Quinceanera is coming up soon..I can't wait to "come
out!!"
Maria: You'll love it, we all had too.....except Mateo. *tee* *hee*
WOOOOOOOOOOSH!>>>>>>>>>>>
Brooke: Are you a friend, or relative to Grace?? How long have you
known her?? Do you Know Grace's niece and nephew?? How long do you
plan to stay in Pine Valley anyway??
Rose: Damn girl, who are YOU, Columbo!?!?"
WOOOOOOOOOSH!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Unca Matt: This was a big mistake!! I change my mind...I can't
go a day without a doll..I need a doll....GIMME A DOLL!!!!
Cleomattra
Previously on "AMC:TAN: Unca Matt"
Unca Matt: I'm ready to leave for the Betty White Center....how soon
can we leave?
S/Mateo: Actually we've already made a call to the clinic and you
can arrive anytime.
WOOOOOOOSH!>>>>>>>>>>>>
Caz: Hayley I need a job...and you OWE me for all those years of
makeup tips!
Hayley: Hello!?!? I don't think so, not after you suggested I
might try all purpose four for face powder in a pinch?!?!?
WOOOOOOOOSH!>>>>>>>>>>>
Kevin: (hands folded behind head, lying on bed) We're not finished
Sean/Mateo, not by a low'ng shot.....(at that last comment he
glances quickly down at his crotch then into the camera)
WOOOOOOOOSH!>>>>>>>>>>>>
Unca Matt and Bubbie arrive at the Betty White Center....
Unca Matt: Oh my achin' head....gimme something for the pain!!
Counselor: Welcome, my name is Dawn Prairie, and I'm head counselor.
We don't believe in medication here, I'm afraid it'll will be "cold
turkey!"
Unca Matt: This was a big mistake!! I change my mind...I can't
go a day without a doll..I need a doll....GIMME A DOLL!!!!
Bubbie Joan: I hope you mean a Barbie, dollink? I'll have S/Mateo
FedEx you one right away. Malibu or Surfing?
Dawn: Matt you must calm down, we don't hold anyone against their
will, you can leave anytime, but *if* you leave you can't return!
Unca Matt: Well you don't expect me to go with out watching Carol
Burnett? She's back on you know, and even if those DAMN jerks HAVE
edited the "bad" words from Mama and Eunice I still have to tune
in...and Target has repro G.I Joes on sale!!
Dawn: Sorry, no TV, no pills....and no toys!!! Is that clear?!?!
Bubbie Joan: Oy, you're sooo strict, Prairie Girl. Don't you know
that Barbie isn't a toy, she's a friend.
Unca Matt is lead to his room by two hunky male nurses.
Unca Matt: (ala Tippi Hedren from the final scene in the Birds)
No...no..No..NO!!!!
Dawn: Not to worry...the first night is the toughest...are you
his mother??
Bubbie Joan: His honorary grandmother, dear. I'm his Bubbie, and an
old friend of Mrs. Myrtle Lum Fargate, from the carny and the
Yiddish theater. I imagine you've heard of Myrtle and her good work
with Miss Erica Kane? So let's not hear any nonsense about visitors
lists and blood relations. I'm here and I'm staying!
The next morning at the Action Womb Town House...
S/Mateo: Come on kids, breakfast is ready!
FeeBee: IIIEEEEEWW! What is this??
S/Mateo: It's oatmeal...with wheat germ!
Weeble: Bubbie puts apples and cim-a-nin in her oatmeal!
FeeBee: And Unca Matt let's us pick out which jelly we want on our
toast to eat with our cereal!
Weeble: It's part of a b'wallenced b'weakfast!!
S/Mateo: Well I know I am not the greatest cook...o.k. not even a
good cook, but I'm trying?! Should we just go out for breakfast??
Weeble: YEAH!!! **OUCH!!**
FeeBee: (kicks Weeble under the table) This will be just fine Unca
Sean!
S/Mateo: Weeble, is that alright with you?
Weeble: I guess....(catches FeeBee's glare) I mean..yes!
Meanwhile at stately Cortlandt Manor.....
Kevin has a fantasy dream......(in black and white of course)
S/Mateo and Kevin in a passionate embrace.
Kevin: Sean/Mateo, you're duh hottest man I've EVER know!
S/Mateo: Kevin, oh my Kevin...you've made me feel more alive than I
have in years!
Kevin: But what about Unca Matt??
S/Mateo: Who?? Oh him...well what can I say, he's been fun but
YOU...oh now YOU'RE a whole new story!! You're so young and
fresh and FIRM!!!
Kevin: It could be like d'is always....if only?!?!
S/Mateo: Are you thinking what I'm thinking??
Kevin: I tink so, Yes!! Dump Unca Matt so we can live toged'er!!
S/Mateo: But it would break his heart to loose ME..and the children,
they've been through SO much!
Kevin: Oh He'll get over it and so will duh kids...look at duh way
Samy has adjusted!!??
S/Mateo: It's a PLAN!!!
Kevin: Psych!!!
Both laugh with criminal delight as the dream fades to Kevin waking
up...Opal walks in!
Opal: Riiize 'n shine sleepy head!!
In hopes of hiding "the obvious," Kevin leaps onto his stomach...
Kevin: **OOOOOOHHHHH!!!*** *whimper*
Opal: Honey...are you feelin' alright?? You don't souy'nd so good...
maybe you shouldn't go to school t'day!?!
Too Be Continued.....
Matt along with the WONDERFUL Tante Joan as "Bubbie"
Next time on "AMC:TAN: Unca Matt"
Isabella: Hector, diga me, when are we going to let the other kids
know about our OTHER DAUGHTER???
Hector: Callate!! No one must ever know about our overly cheerful
long lost daughter Mandy Santos!!! These Quincenera's are driving us
to the poor house!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOSH!>>>>>>>>>>>
Miss Barbara Gordon: Today we are going to review our colors, class.
FeeBee: You call THOSES colors?!?!? Unca Matt has COLORS....his
comforter is champagne beige!!
Weeble: Yeah and we had our colors done...I'm a Sp'wing!
WOOOOOOOOOOOSH!>>>>>>>>>>>
Bubbie Joan: How are you doing this morning dollink?!?
Unca Matt: Don't ask...I didn't sleep a wink and I couldn't stop
running my hands across the drapes!!!