MSTING: Wake up! American sold out by their politicans (election is useless)
Roger M. Wilcox
sorting through my sock drawer, and -- hey, Crow, cut that out!
CROW: [picks up a sock with his beak and starts flapping it at Tom] Take
this, enemy of Justice!
TOM: [lunges into Crow] Hai kiba!
CROW: Oof! [falls to the floor] You'll pay for that, Skywalker!
TOM: Never! [trounces on him hoverskirt-first]
MIKE: [sees the red light blinking] Aww, I'm never gonna get this done.
Hey, cool it down there, you two -- Siskel and Ebert are calling.
[presses the flashing red light button]
DOCTOR FORRESTER: Hello, booby. Well, taking up sock sorting, are we?
Gooooooood. That's the first sign of an impending nervous breakdown.
TV'S FRANK: [interrupting] Hey, Clay, do you think these socks should go in
the Argyle drawer 'cause they've got an argyle pattern, or in the Wool
drawer 'cause they're made of wool?
DR. F.: Well, that may only be synthetic w-- FRANK!
FRANK: [a la Curly Joe] Woo woo woo woo woo woo! [exeunt]
DR. F.: *Sigh* You'd better do your invention exchange first this week,
Mike.
MIKE: Uh ... invention exchange?
DR. F.: Yeah, you know, you tell me what incredible effort-saving device
you've constructd this week, then I tell you what sinister evil world-
dominating device I've come up with, and then I tell you that mine was
better than yours. You know, the invention exchange.
MIKE: Um, well, er, uh, we haven't done an invention exchange since the
beginning of the Sixth Season.
DR. F.: Do you mean to tell me ... that you DON'T HAVE AN INVENTION
EXCHANGE?!?!?
TOM: Yes!
CROW: No!
MIKE: Um, yes, we have no invention exchange.
DR. F.: [gloating] Wa ha ha ha ha! Well ... uh, neither do I. Anyhow,
Mike, your experiment this week has been cancelled.
MIKE: Really!?
DR. F.: I couldn't find a full-length feature Usenet post to submit you to.
TOM: That's great! I mean, uh, awful.
DR. F.: But I *did* find a short!
MIKE: \
TOM: > Aw....
CROW: /
DR. F.: It's a hideously-worded little piece of dog poopy about your Duty
to Save The Country From Itself.
MIKE: \
TOM: > Not another one!
CROW: /
DR. F.: [gloating] Send them the posting, Frank!
FRANK: [out of frame] Oh, look! A wheat penny!
DR. F.: Grrr ... never mind, I'll do it.
MOVIE SIGN WANING LIGHTS: BZZZZ! BZZZZ! BZZZZ! BZZZZ!
MIKE: Oh no, we've got posting sign!
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Vault door
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Newsgroups: sci.psychology,sci.skeptic,rec.arts.books,rec.arts.tv,rec.humor,rec.org.mensa,rec.nude,soc.college,soc.culture.african.american,soc.culture.usa,soc.men,alt.abortion.inequity,alt.atheism,alt.california,alt.christnet,alt.discrimination,alt.feminism,alt.flame,alt.rush-limbaugh,alt.politics.clinton,alt.sex,alt.binaries.pictures.erotica,talk.politics.guns,talk.politics.theory
MIKE: Good God!
CROW: Is there any newsgroup this message WASN'T cross-posted to?!
TOM: soc.culture.african.american, talk.politics.guns ...
CROW: alt.abortion.inequity, rec.org.mensa ...
MIKE: rec.nude?
TOM: That list is longer than the ones on those make-money-fast spams!
Subject: Re: Wake up! American sold out by their politicans (election is useless)
MIKE: Really?
TOM: Ge, I never knew THAT.
In article <3cbd6h$d...@cutter.clas.ufl.edu> mitg...@math.ufl.edu (Nyarlathotep) writes:
CROW: [snotty voice] Ooh, is the great Nyarlathotep going to grace this post?
MIKE: Wasn't he one of the ancient Egyptian gods?
>
>Dear American:
MIKE: Um, Mr. Nyarlathotep, I'm in space, I think I'm orbiting over
mainland China right now?
>
>It is time to wake up now.
CROW: Aw, c'mon, ma, just five more minutes?
> All politicans, new or old, are the
>same.
TOM: *That* explains why Dan Quayle and Bill Clinton look so mch alike.
> They are all good actors.
MIKE: Well, except for Ronald Reagan, I really didn't like his Bonzo
movies very much.
> They all believe the same thing.
TOM: That aliens are invading our underwear?
MIKE: That the world is made of snow?
CROW: That the Chargers are going to the Super Bowl this year?
>They all afraid of you to look at what happened inside the U.S.A.
TOM: Is *that* what "they all" afraid of!
>This is why they make wars everywhere. Without the hungry children
>and refugees from other countries, the politicans can't stop you
>from looking into the problems that American face today.
MIKE: You know, politicians having extramarital affairs also does a real
good job of stopping you from looking at the problems that "American"
face today.
CROW: I wonder which one American is facing all these problems?
> The nation
>is in deep crisis and American have to face the problems.
TOM: But you just said that "American" *was* facing the problems!
CROW: Today!
> Don't
>believe what the media tries to tell you. They are pro-dictators.
TOM: Dan Rather -- Nazi SS!
>Do you know the U.S. supported 90% of dictators in the world?
MIKE: No, but if you'll hum a few bars, I'll fake it.
>Do you know the U.S. supported 99% of dictators in Latin America?
TOM: That's because 99% of the *people* in Latin America are dictators.
CROW: Hey, for next Halloween, I think I'll dress up wearing nothing except
a potato over my --
MIKE: Crow!
>Do you know that most political prisoners are jailed as criminals?
MIKE: Oh, as opposed to all those political prisoners jailed as bad
gin-rummy players.
>Do you know our court system is worse than most systems in Europe?
CROW: Oh, Mike! Take me to Europe! I wanna go on trial SO BAD!!!
>Do you know the so-called most religous people in the U.S. is not
>religous at all?
CROW: They is not?
TOM: Nope, the so-called most religious people is not.
> They are also pro-dictators.
CROW: Did we do the joke about wearing nothing but a potato yet?
TOM: Yep, been there, done that.
>Can we expect our government to be democratic when our government
>supported most dictators in the world.
MIKE: Gee, that *sounded* like a question, why d'you suppose the sentence
ended with a period instead of a question mark?
>Today, we have to do our shopping under censorship (cameras).
TOM: Tell me, Mike, how do cameras cause censorship?
MIKE: Well, when a camera and a shoplifter love each other very much ...
>Tomorrow, we have to go to restroom under censorship.
CROW: [cop voice] Hey! You can't write that on the bathroom wall! We're
censoring you!
>We must knew ...
CROW: We "must knew"?
> ... that not even the Soviet Union used so many cameras to
>censor Soviet citizens.
TOM: That's because YOU CAN'T CENSOR ANYONE WITH A CAMERA!
>It is all fact!
CROW: The world according to Nyarlathotep!
>
>Wake up, American!
>It is time to save America!
>
MIKE: Yeah, you one American, wake up, it's your turn to save America
this week!
TOM: Well, that was a real turd.
CROW: C'mon, Mike, let's get out of here.
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TOM: Y'know, Mike, as far back as I can remember --
CROW: You mean last Tuesday?
TOM: Shut up, Crow! I always seem to remember that the whole country was
going to pot, and that politicians were to blame?
MIKE: Well, yeah, acording to the popular press, anyway. So?
TOM: And that voting for a different politician, as mister Ankh-Fen-Horus
was trying and failing to say in today's experiment, won't change
anything because by the time a politician is a big enough public figure
to get into office, he or she has already been corrupted beyond hope?
MIKE: Uh huh?
TOM: So ... so what is Nebookaneezer-hotep asking us to *DO* to save the
country?
MIKE: Well, he may be hinting that we should all take up arms and hold
a revolution to put a newer, better government in power.
CROW: Oh, like Stalin is going to be a big improvement?!
MIKE: Well, maybe he's hoping that nobody like Stalin is going to come
along this time, and that everything will be perfect.
CROW: Well ... I think that wasn't what he was suggesting at all.
TOM: Oh?
CROW: I think what he was REALLY trying to say was that we should all get
together in one big group, and then ... slowly ... have each person in
the group sneak up behind a different politician ... and then ... just
when they least expect it ... we grab them by their pants and GIVE 'EM
A WEDGEE!! Whoo!
MIKE: [shaking his head] What do you think, sirs?
DR. F.: [smiling an evil, scheming smile] A big, collective wedgee on
Washington, eh? And when all the congresspeople are running around
trying to pull their pants out of their crotches, *I* step in and RULE
THE WORLD! Er, push the button, Frank.
FRANK: Aw, I *always* have to push the button.
DR. F.: [thoroughly annoyed] Frank, your hinder and my bath towel have an
appointment!
FRANK: Okay, but next time, you be M, and I'll be S.
DR. F.: The box, Frank! The BOX!
FRANK: [sheepishly] I'm pushing the button.
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POHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
HEAD WRITER: rog...@cisco.com
WRITER'S OTHER ADDRESS: tra...@netcom.com
BASED ON MATERIAL PRODUCED BY: mitg...@math.ufl.edu
(used without permission)
UNITED SERVO ACADEMY: Kevin Murphy
THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER: Francis Scott Key
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 PRODUCED BY: Best Brains, Inc.
COPYRIGHT (C) 1994 BY SOMEONE WITH WAY TOO MUCH TME ON HIS HANDS.
WRITTEN IN SHADOWRAMA.
KEEP CIRCULATING THE FTP SITES.
>Tomorrow, we have to go to restroom under censorship.
--
Roger M. Wilcox rog...@cisco.com (a.k.a. tra...@netcom.com)
------------------- I'm not flying fast, just orbiting low. ----------------
"Of all the tall tales, I think my favorite is the one about Eli Whitney and
the interchangeable parts." -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey [SNL]
JEREMY DAVID SALMON
: >Tomorrow, we have to go to restroom under censorship.
heh, whaddaya know...an "endclip"....
not bad misting, tho...
jeremy