MSTed: Political UpDate [3/3]
David Patrick Young
-+-MSTed: Political UpDate, Part 3
> Geertjan, it is not that I enjoy acting in such a radical manner,
CROW: I just enjoy talking about it. And talking, and talking, and...
> but in most cases I am forced to do so if I want to exercise my
> basic human rights of freedom of speech.
MIKE: This exercise is working! I can feel it here and here.
> The Town of Amherst,
> Massachusetts
TOM: ...population 539.
ALL: Sa-lute!!
CROW: Mike, did we just do a Hee Haw reference?
MIKE: Um...uh...no, Crow, why do you ask?
> Civil Rights Policy adopted by the Town Meeting on
> November 5, 1990, says "One of our most fundamental and cherished
> civil rights is freedom of speech.
TOM: ...which is being abused right here and now.
> Respect for the constitutional
> right of freedom of speech, which is so critical to the vitality of
> any healthy community, requires that we must be willing to tolerate
> the expression of opinions and ideas which we disagree or which we
> even find to be abhorrent."
MIKE: No way, don't even try to justify this piece of crap!
> Even though the words about the
> importance of freedom of speech are written into that policy
> statement, the practice of free speech
MIKE: OK, now say it with me. Free...
CROW: Free...
MIKE: Speech.
CROW: Sp...sp...spooch.
MIKE: No, that's not it. Again...
> is not observed. In most
> cases, the organizers want to control who speaks. They fear what
> might happen if the forum was to be opened up because they fear the
> anarchy of a revolutionary situation.
TOM: Actually, they fear that you'll get up there and talk about sex.
>
> Finally on Sunday, I was invited by the former president of the
> Graduate Senate to come to a party on campus for a newly formed
> organization called the Graduate Women's Network. It was your
> topical
CROW: ...skin rash that really got the party going.
> UMASS gathering with all the rotten food and bad music
> except that just about everyone there were university women. Colin
> Cavell, who is a member of the Communist Party and now the vice
> president of the Graduate Senate,
ALL: ...and a good friend...
> whispered to me while the
> official speeches were being made that he know the event would
> appeal to a lot of university woman.
TOM: ...what with Fabio speaking and all.
> "It was the ugly bourgeois
> invitations which had absolutely no artistic merit which lured them
> here!" I said. He laughed at that in agreement.
ALL: [Laugh pathetically]
CROW: Ah, these Communists sure know how to tell 'em.
>
> I began to feel real low
TOM: ...when that nut Colin pulled my chair out from under me.
> when the Associate Chancellor and Graduate
> Dean started to tell us how wonderful it is to be educated women.
> "We have such a bright future ahead of us," one of the
> Administrators said. I couldn't resist heckling,
CROW: Hey, she's one of us!
TOM: No, honey, she's not.
> "unemployment
> with a 35,000 dollar student loan bank debt is a very bright
> future?"
MIKE: Sure, if you work for the Student Loan people.
> The new graduate students looked horrified at me as the
> Dean started to tell us that the university is working to eliminate
> sexism, racism, and classism from the institution of higher
> education.
TOM: Speaking of institutions...
> After the Dean's speech, Colin really believed that she
> was being sincere.
>
> I had heard too many speeches by administrators to know that it was
> not the truth.
ALL: Huh?!
So after the speeches were over, the Graduate Dean
> walked up to Colin and I which gave me the opportunity to
CROW: ...drop her to the ground with a quick kidney-punch.
> ask her
> how the university was going to stop classism. I asked, "Were not
> most of the graduate students working towards careers in which they
> would become the upper-middle class of America?
TOM: Yes, they weren't.
> Wasn't *she* as a
> Dean making the salary of a rich African-American woman?
TOM: Yes, she wasn't.
> How could
> the university be instrumental in the redistribution of wealth
> when they are preparing students to work their way up the corporate
> latter?"
MIKE: I'm still working my way up the corporate former.
> She didn't know how to respond, so she turn around and
> walked away which certainly proved my point to Colin! She was not
> interested in carrying on a dialogue about ending classism at
> UMASS!
CROW: Look, lady! Neither are we, OK?!
>
> I asked my Indian friend in Comparative Literature, Deepik,
MIKE: Names are off-limits, guys.
TOM: What about "Doctress Neutopia?"
MIKE: That doesn't count.
> what
> she thought of the speeches. She thought that it was more of the
> same double talk.
ALL: Double talk.
> She pointed out that there wasn't even an
> opportunity for graduate students to even speak!
CROW: There's that double talk!
> I asked her if
> she felt that these were educated women. She thought that they
> were pseudo-educated, women who are being trained to fit into the
> status quo. For them, feminism meant getting a career and
MIKE: ...a new hat.
> making
> an equal wages to men, but we know that the system had been
> corrupted by patriarchal institutions and they must be completely
TOM: ...destroyed.
> changed.
TOM: Oh.
>
> I pointed out to her how the Administrators didn't even bring up
> the problems within the various disciplines.
MIKE: You mean like spankings, no TV for a week, that kinda thing?
> There is a world of
> economic difference between someone with a marketable PhD in
> Biochemistry than someone with an unmarketable EdD
CROW: ...Wood, Jr? Whoa, bad sign.
> in Future
> Studies. Scholars who are dedicated to human rights issues and who
> challenge the system, don't have the economic security like someone
> in the sciences and business management have. They have no economic
> security and no health care!
TOM: Huh? What's health care doing there?
> Now, folks, IS THAT FAIR?
MIKE: Wait, is she talking to us?
CROW: Hold it, time out!
TOM: I thought she was still lecturing her "friend."
MIKE: Anyway, YES IT IS!
TOM: NO IT'S NOT!
CROW: I have NO IDEA WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT!
MIKE: Don't worry, she doesn't either.
> Humanities
> people are in deep shit
CROW: Whoa!
MIKE: Why Doctress Neutopia, I'm shocked!
> because if Jeremy Rifkin is right in his
> book on genetic engineering, ALGENY,
TOM: Shouldn't that be FLOWERS FOR ALGENY?
> that biotechnologists are
> going to control our lives, we are in BIG problem.
MIKE: [Laughs] Well said!
TOM: Hear, hear!
> He writes:
>
> The new eugenics is commercial, not social.
CROW: [Narrator voice] Remember: Social, not impotent.
> In place of the
> shrill eugenic cries for racial purity, a new commercial
> eugenics talks in pragmatic terms of increased economic
> efficiency, better performance standards, and improvement in
> the quality of life.
MIKE: Are we talking about what I think we're talking about?
> The old eugenics was steeped in
TOM: ...rich creamery butter.
> political ideology and motivated by fear and hate. The new
> eugenics is grounded in economic considerations and
> stimulated by utilitarianism and financial gain.
CROW: [Strangelove accent] Ze Master Race vill MAKE MONEY FAST!!
>
> Many scientists are already contending
TOM: ...for the heavyweight championship of the world!
> that schizophrenia and
> other "abnormal" psychological states result from genetic
> disorders and defects. Others now argue that "antisocial"
> behavior, such as criminality and social protest,
MIKE: But I thought Miss Communism supported social protest!
> are also
> examples of malfunctioning genetic information.
CROW: Ah-HA! [Shatner Mode] Doc-tress Neu...topia, how do you...feel
about...imperfection?
TOM: ["Robotic" monotone] Imperfection can not be tolerated.
CROW: Does a genetic...malfunction indicate...imperfection?
TOM: Affirmative.
CROW: Doctress, there is...evidence that social protest is a...result
of a genetic...malfunction.
TOM: Affirmative.
CROW: Therefore...those who...participate in...social protest are...
imperfect...am I right?
TOM: Social protest cannot be tolerated.
CROW: YOU have...engaged in social protest, Doctress! YOU...are...
imperfect! Imperfection must be...destroyed! YOU must be...
destroyed!
TOM: Malfunction. I am Neutopia. I am imperfect. Imperfection
cannot be tolerated. Malfunction. I must be destroyed.
Breakdown is imminent. Think...about...music. Breakdown.
MIKE: [Spock voice] Impressive display of logic, Captain.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
CROW: Hey, watch it with that thing! Geez!
>
> My night ended with an engaging conversation.
TOM: Congratulations! Set a date yet?
> She was working on
> a degree in civil engineering. She had come from UMASS from China
MIKE: UMASS isn't in China!
> where both her parents were mathematicians from China's most renown
> research institute.
CROW: The University of Massachusetts at China, of course.
> Her first impressions of the United States is
> that it is a much more free society than China.
TOM: Why do I get the feeling that Miss Communism's about to change
that impression?
> The Chinese
> government still doesn't even let many of its intellectuals use
> email!
CROW: They're probably not taking the right courses.
> In China, she said intellectuals do not receive a higher
> rewards like the intellectual class does in the United States. She
> thought that it is better when intellectuals are paid more for they
> work harder than other people.
MIKE: Whoa, this could turn into a regular catfight...
> She said if they were to receive
TOM: ...a touchdown pass from Steve Young, they STILL wouldn't get
paid any more!
> more pay, then they would have the freedom to conduct their research
> projects without government support.
CROW: ...hose.
> The civil engineering student
> thought that in the United States more people got to go the college
> since if you had the money you could find some school to go to,
MIKE: ...and if not, you could still sell your organs to the Student
Loan people.
> but
> in China since there was so many people, not everyone could go to
> college.
TOM: The moral of the story: English teachers are not paid enough.
>
> When I told her that I took a more socialist perspective on the
> distribution of wealth, she said that I should go to China
CROW: Are you SURE that's where she told you to go?
> and see
> how terribly depressed the people are there. Not only were they
> materially suppressed, but they were spiritually suppressed. When
> everyone receives equal pay everyone lives in poverty.
MIKE: Ha! THERE'S your socialism!
> So I told
> her that she has been taken over by the glitter of the wealth of
> Amherst
TOM: Oh yeah, when I think of wealth, "Amherst" immediately springs
to mind.
> and that she needed to look at the ugly face of capitalism
MIKE: Hey, communism's no Miss Universe either!
> by visiting a ghetto of a large city or the rural poverty of the
> country side.
TOM: Sounds great! What are you doing tomorrow?
> I informed her that if everyone in China adopted
MIKE: ...a highway...
> the
> American Dream of home ownership and a car, then the environment
> would surely be doomed. I tried to make her see that in the ideal
> communist (neutopian) ecocity,
CROW: All right! Those things again!
> there would be resources for
> everyone to go to school and to pursue their dreams.
TOM: As long as their dreams agree with my own personal worldview.
>
> We were the last ones to leave the Graduate Women's Network Party.
CROW: [Whines] They made us do clean-up!
> As we got on the elevator to leave the building, the Chinese
MIKE: ...food was really starting to hit me.
> Engineer agreed with my ecofeminist socialist perspective. She
> said that she realized that it was much more difficult to be in my
> situation as a scholar of Futures Studies than in a scientific
CROW: ...or "real"...
> field. The human problems were the most difficult ones to solve,
> but if we don't find solutions to the problems of Vision,
TOM: Tried glasses? Contacts?
> then we
> are sure to become an extinct species. She shook my hand
ALL: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!
> as she
> said goodbye and thanked me for the work that I did for the future
> of humanity.
>
>
> The final part of this political update
ALL: [Cheer wildly]
> is about my discussion
> today with Chris at the Maoist table which was set up in the Campus
> Center. He was showing a video tape about the Peruvian Communist
> movement in the country side of Peru.
TOM: So, which side of Peru is the country side?
MIKE: The left, I think.
> The war between the rich and
> the poor seemed so easy
ALL: ...at first!
> for anyone to comprehend, so I asked Chris
> why so many American students could not see the exploitation what
> was going on right in front of them. He felt it was because
> conditions were such that they still were not suffering from lack of
> food.
CROW: ...but we'd fix that!
They could be appeased by commercial entertainment such as video
> games and the CBS Network Tour.
MIKE: OOOOOHH! It's all coming together! I understand now! It makes
perfect sense!
TOM and CROW: It does?
MIKE: Sarcasm, guys. Maybe you've heard of it...
>
> He informed me that he had checked into alt.society.neutopia and he
TOM: ...was still tasting metal.
> wanted to know what I thought about arms struggle.
CROW: [Hick accent] Aw'right! Arm rasslin'!
> [I had to stop
> writing here as I reflected of the thousands of people who have
> died in the struggle to overcome ignorance.
TOM: ...while I continue the struggle to spread it.
> My eyes teared up
MIKE: That should be "tore up," shouldn't it?
> as
> I lit a candle to the dead
CROW: ...who burned up pretty quickly.
> who were brave enough to stand up for
> the ideology of justice and love truth.] He asked, "Do you
> advocate blowing up buildings like the Weathermen did in the United
> States in the '60's?"
MIKE: Willard, no!
>
> "Personally, I am much more of a militant pacifist
TOM: Wait a minute...
MIKE: I don't think we can count "militant pacifist." Judges?
CROW: Bzzzzzzzzt!
MIKE: Oooo, sorry. Thank you for playing.
> artist than a gun
> carrying warrior.
CROW: Well, that's a relief!
> Isn't militarism and violence the problem? After
> all, the militaries of the world are spending 2 billion dollars a
> day
MIKE: The "militaries of the world" don't all use dollars, honey.
> on military stuff,
TOM: Nothing specific though.
CROW: You know, just stuff. And an occasional thing.
> so why would any *sane* person what to add to
> that gun powder?"
TOM: Why would any *sane* person write this crap?!
> I answered. "I prefer doing an erotic snake dance
> on top of the desk of the police chief
MIKE: Oh God, no! Please!
> rather than shooting a gun
> at one of his police officers.
CROW: I'm betting these officers would go for their own guns pretty
quickly if you did an erotic snake dance on the chief's desk.
TOM: I know I would.
MIKE: Me too.
> So Chris asked, "What if you were
> in the position of the Black Panther leader in the '60's when they
> came into his house and killed him while the was asleep. Would you
> defend yourself?"
TOM: You mean while I was asleep?
CROW: No, I think she means while you were dead.
> I answered, "Well, if they really want me dead,
> they are going to find a way to kill me.
CROW: I really want her dead.
TOM: Me too.
> So I think it is better
> not to kill so that my soul will not be killed."
MIKE: Roger Moore is Hamlet in "Not to Kill or Not to Be Killed!"
>
> However, I told him that I did believe we needed to blow up a few
> buildings on campus starting with the Whitmore Administration
> Building and the School of Education.
CROW: This must be the "militant pacifist" talking.
TOM: Well see, she blows up stuff in the name of peace.
CROW: Oooooooh.
> Or course, we would want to
> do it at night so that no one would get killed in the explosion.
MIKE: Doctress Neutopia, the sensitive terrorist.
> Chris then asked me if I thought it would do any good since the
> student body at UMASS was in no way ready to follow revolutionary
> leadership. I answered,
CROW: [Falsetto] Probably not, but it would look really cool.
> "Chris, we must always act in our most noble
> and dignified way. The most difficult challenge of all is to be human.
CROW: Hey, you ever tried being a robot?
> To be human is to love."
TOM: To love is human, to blow things up...well, we'll say that's
human too.
>
> Chris retorted, "But how is your lovolution going to come about?
> What are you going to do about landlords?
MIKE: We're going to CRUSH them under our Iron Fist of Love!
> Oh yes, always back to
> "real estate" I thought. Then Chris continued, "Well, I guess we
> could start with squatting
CROW: Not here you won't!
> and using passive aggression against the
> police when they come to arrest us for trespassing."
TOM: Oooooooooo, they're gonna give the cops the silent treatment!
MIKE: Brutal.
> Next we will
> require revolutionary thinkers who can make new laws so that all
> the land is public and everyone lives for free.
CROW: This part might take a little while.
>
> the Dream, the Dream, the Dream.....
MIKE: [Sings] Dreeeeeeeeeeeam, dream dream dream...
TOM: [Sings] Oooooo dream weaver, I believe you can...
CROW: [Sings in falsetto] Dream lover, won't you take me--
MIKE and TOM: Aaaaah, stop it!
> Geertjan, how is the Dream
> coming along for you?
CROW: Not so great. I keep waking up in a puddle of--
MIKE: Crow...
TOM: Guys! I think it's almost over!
MIKE: Finally! C'mon, let's get outta here.
>
> Most sincerely,
CROW: ...except for the parts I made up...
> Doctress Neutopia
TOM: But you can call me Earl.
[ALL leave. Doors close.]
[SOL. Everyone arrives.]
MIKE: Wow. That was rough.
TOM: And loooooooooooooong.
CROW: Mike, tell me, are all women like that?
[MIKE laughs.]
TOM: Yeah, Mike! If all you guys down there on Earth have to go through
crap like that every day of your lives, how in the world does your
species survive?
MIKE: First of all, Crow, no, they're not all like that, thank God. And
Tom, I have two words for you: Swimsuit Issue.
GYPSY [offscreen]: WHAT?! WHAT did you say?!
[GYPSY rushes in, knocking CROW over.]
MIKE: Uh...nothing! I was just...
GYPSY: You were just exemplifying man's objectification of woman!
CROW [from the floor]: Ouch.
MIKE: No! No, I wasn't! I was just trying to...
GYPSY: Oh yes you were! You men see us only as sex objects!
MIKE: Well, I wouldn't say...
GYPSY: Is that all I am to you, a sex toy?!
MIKE: What?! No!
GYPSY: Well, you can just find someone ELSE to run the higher functions
of the ship! [Storms off.]
MIKE: But...but I...
TOM: Oh, good one, Mike. [Leaves.]
MIKE: What? What'd I do?
CROW: [still on floor] Oh, the pain, the pain...
MIKE: Um...sirs?
[Deep 13. FRANK and DR F, lit from underneath, are standing side-by-side
in a dramatic pose. DR F is holding a hammer, and FRANK wields a sickle.
There are stone-serious expressions on their faces, and they look very much
like "The Worker and the Kolkhozina." Well, sorta. They do not ackowledge
MIKE; they just stand there, looking oh-so-dramatic. They stay like this
for a minute or so.]
FRANK: Get us, we're an album cover.
[DR F looks annoyed at FRANK and hits him over the head with his hammer.
FRANK falls down, and DR F whacks the button.]
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[Credit sequence]
---
Well, there you have it. Hope you enjoyed it! Oh, and for those
of you who are still awake, I offer you 1 bazillion bonus net.points if
you can name the album cover I was talking about! First correct answer
wins...
#include<std.sig>
---
Got a question about the world we live in and life in general?
Wonder no more! Just ASK DR. DAVE!
Finger yo...@cs.unca.edu for details...
Ailsa Murphy
David, on behalf of the members of alt.pagan, i wish to say THANK YOU!!!!!!
I also wish to say that she doesn't even come CLOSE to a resemblence of
reality. Of course, you gotta wonder about someone who calls herself an
ecofeminst. Granted, by definition I happen to BE one, but I'm neither
pretentious or PC enough (yeah, I know, that's redundant) to call myself
anything that ridiculous. Oy. And I thought the Evil Ex-Roommate "I've
Never Denied My Child Anything" Lorrie was pathetic. Come to think of it,
she DID call herself an eco-feminist....NAH. For one thing, she doesn't
live in Amherst.
Anyway, feel free to keep MiSTing Mistress Neutopia the Barking Mad. The
Pagan community will bless you for it.
Kate (my brain *really* hurts) Cunningham
--
Promises made to a distant friend an...@spdcc.com
Truth should be known it can only bend is
To a tune of its own ailsa or kate
And you'll never hear that voice again. - "Shadows Are on Your Side"