[MiSTied] Net Scandal part 2
Claye Hodge
>ruining our little universe...sigh.
MIKE: I thought that was the hole in the ozone.
>
>We are being swamped with newbies that have never seen a UNIX shell, never
TOM: What's a UNIX shell?
MIKE:[sigh.]
CROW: Servo will never learn, will he?
MIKE: [shaking his head.] Nope.
TOM: WHAT???
>used the nn reader (still my personal favourite) and have never had to
>encounter a VAX stem without a manual - never mind even use a VAX in
TOM: What's a VAX system?
CROW: SERVO!
>the first place. Yes, the classic "when I was your age" ramble...
>
CROW: Hmph, I thought THIS was ramble.
>What brought it all home to me was when my DAD came home to announce that
MIKE: Hi Honey, I'm getting a divorce!
>he now has e-mail...and wants me to explain "those funny circley's".
>
TOM: America Online must want symbols since P* is Prodigy's symbol.
CROW: How did you do that thing?
TOM: What? Oh this? *?
CROW: Yeah.
TOM: Oh, it's like the wind.
>What I'd like to see in the future is people getting net access for the
>right reasons, not just because it's "K-K00l". I wish they would
MIKE: K K Zero Zero L???
>appreciate the immense power the net has, and use it to their
>advantage. That...and to get Marion Boyd on the TTML! :)
CROW: If you ask me, people getting net access IS showing appreciation for
the net.
>
>Abdul, the ELECTRONIC----------------------------------------------------|
TOM: Abdul, the ELECTRONIC-----------------------------?
CROW: How...?
TOM: It's the wind, baby. The wind.
>Gordon Domm | DUE TO THE MEDIA BAN, IMPOSED BY THE COURTS, |
>Austin, Toronto, | THIS SIGNATURE IS NOT AVAILABLE. |
CROW: In the US, Canada, and the Virgin Islands.
>and points between | NORMAL SIGNATURES WILL RESUME SHORTLY. |
>ab...@io.com |----------------------------------------------------|
MIKE: Points between abdul??? THAT'S DISGUSTING!!
>---------------------FINGER ME FOR MY PGP PUBLIC KEY----------------------
>
ALL: EWWWWWW!!!!!!
>
>
>
>*************************************************************************
>
MIKE: Ut Oh.. Here's another one...
>
>
>
>Date: Fri, 30 Dec 1994 01:18:13 -0500
>From: *y <all...@non.com>
>To: mrc...@io.org
TOM: So this mrclean is the devil behind this post. Crow, write his e-mail
address down so we can flood his mailbox with garbage!
CROW: Ok!
>Subject: Re: READ THIS FAST!!!!!!!!!!!
MIKE: DOH! AGAIN???
>
>
>
>
>
TOM: Well that was easy.
> The past is nothing less
> than an underdone today
> The future is nothing more
> than an overblown version
> of the same thing.
> We are suspended in a moment
> of presence
> without a yesterday,
MIKE:[singing] Yesterday...
> void of tommorrow.
> Understand that
> and
> you win a little prize.
CROW: A fake, plastic ring.
>
TOM: That was an interesting haiku.
>
>
>*************************************************************************
>
TOM: These saps don't even know what they were contributing to, do they?
>
>
>Date: Thu, 29 Dec 1994 19:17:37 -0500 (EST)
>From: cakes <ca...@io.org>
MIKE: Urinal cakes?
CROW: I did that joke already.
>To: MrClean <mrc...@io.org>
>Subject: Re: READ THIS FAST!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>On Thu, 29 Dec 1994, MrClean wrote:
>> What do you see ahead for "Infobahn" '95",
>> and if you could change anything what would it be?
TOM:[narrator] And the next day.. Cakes replied with...
>
>
>Our Comments;
CROW: Oh, a multi-user account.
>
> I think the big Internet issue in 1995 will be the influx of
>censorship. I fear ISPs will be expelli users because some people
TOM: Don't know how to post to the right newsgroup, while others send mail
garbage to unsuspecting victims.
>disagree with the users' posts, or the manner in which the bad girls and
>boys express themselves.
MIKE:[female] You NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY children!!
> Others will refrain from really speaking their
>minds out of fear of expulsion,
CROW: Or flaming.
> turning Usenet, and the net in general,
>into a backwater of tired old thoughts.
TOM:[weak voice] I had jello, today.
> My babe Pie-face feels that in 1995, Usenet will become the new
>frontier for non-profit fundraisers looking for money.
CROW: Ah, a victim of the MAKE MONEY FAST folks.
> Newsgroups and
>mailboxes will be flooded with posts asking for money for kids with
>cancer, babies born with no brains, artists with AIDS
MIKE: People asking you to join Net.scandal.
> ... you name it.
>Scams will flourish.
TOM: With the help of the boys from net.scandal.
> "You watch, cyberspace begging is just around the
>corner and there's nothing you can do about it."
CROW: So THERE! Nyah, nyah, nyah!
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------
MIKE: He's gone flatline!
>
>
>
> o<
> >>>0<<< Cakes
> .!^!.
>
CROW: Cake's a quack!
>
>
>*************************************************************************
>
TOM: There's MORE???
>
>
>Date: Thu, 29 Dec 1994 08:09:31 -0500
>From: Pax <p...@paxcom.pax.com>
>To: MrClean <mrc...@io.org>
>Subject: Re: READ THIS FAST!!!!!!!!!!!
TOM: Okay... Here it goes...
CROW: Ut Oh.
TOM: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![POP!]
[Tom Servo's top blew off. A silouette of smoke is coming from his head.]
MIKE: WOAH! Tom, are you okay??
TOM: [Cough] Yeah, [Cough] [Cough] Just went [Cough] a little too [Cough]
fast there. [Tom clears his throat.] I'm better.
>
>
>>
>> What do you see ahead for "Infobahn" '95 (the net),
>> and if you could change anything what would it be?
CROW: I hate it when people do big quotes.
>>
>> All entries will be posted with full sigs and whistles.
>> They *must* be in my hardrive by no later than the morning
>> of New Year's day.
MIKE: Let's not forget that the entries will be riffed, and laughed at by
the people of net.scandal.
>>
>
>I predict that Ross Perot will establish a WWW home page containing those
>charts he used while running for President last time around.
ALL: ROSS PEROT??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> On a more
>serious note,
TOM: Oh, the Perot thing was a joke. WHEW!
> I'd expect to see more of this in 1995: businesses getting
>on-line, Web traffic growing rapidly,
MIKE:[radio announcer] Well, we've got traffic up here on the north-bound
highway..[radio noise] There's a stalled car on the freeway.. [radio
noise] For the rest, it looks like smooth driving from here.
> and government taking a more active
>interest in the happenings here. The arrival of a new generation of service
>providers means established
CROW: I'm going against the establishment, man!
> firms will have to come up with creative ways
>to improve the value of what they deliver to hang onto their customers.
TOM: Hopefully, this means getting rid of these net.loons.
>In 1995, some firms will wake up to the fact that the Internet enables
ALL: Zzzzzzz.... WAH!
>types of international business relationships that were never possible
>before --
TOM:[female] Oh John!
CROW:[male] Oh Marsha!
TOM:[female] Oh John!
CROW:[male] Oh Marsha!
MIKE: Oh BROTHER.
> including the outsourcing of services that were not economical
>to do previously. In this respect, I think 1995 will be the first year that
>the Internet is seen as an equalizing force between developed and developing
>nations. It's too early for major economic impacts; however, change is in
>the wind.
MIKE: Did anyone get that last part?
>
>
>*************************************************************************
>
>
TOM: I hope that's the last of it.
>
>
>
>*THE TRAVEL SECTION*
>^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
CROW: I want to go to Tahiti.
TOM: I want to go to Bermuda.
MIKE: I want to go to Disneyworld!
>
>IRC: The Instant Frontier
>
>Zillions of clients hardwired to wicked network. That's what is underneath
>this fast growing and addictive net resource.
TOM: Slimey tree moss.
> Channels buzzing with
>live keyboard conversations split and rejoin at random. (or by force)
CROW:[Kenobi] Use the force, Luke.
>Here's some interesting outposts if you are considering a cruise.
MIKE: Thank you, but I want to actually GO somewhere.
>This "bizzarre" list is about .5% of the available channels.The numbers
>and topics vary from moment to moment. You may /list (word) in irc for more.
>If you type /list, be prepared to wait five minutes.
TOM: I'm used to that when calling MicroSoft.
>
>
>*** Channel: Users Topic
>*** #jesus: 18 Rush Limbaugh
ALL: RUSH LIMBAUGH??? DOH!!!
> -- 600 pounds of shit in a 300 pound
> windbag.
CROW: Even though I'll go for that precise description I doubt, it is in
the actual one.
>*** #IGP: 12 internet.gay.punks-The HomoCore channel
>*** #wetsex: 2 Rubber RoX
TOM: What's wetsex?
MIKE: When you're older.
>*** #kkc: 1 *ed.-(h0h0h0h0) We know *those* intitials
CROW: Crusher Kris Kringle???
>*** #femdom: 10 The Mistress is Busy Do Not Disturb
TOM: Ut oh.. George Bush is at it again.
>*** #bdsm: 19 the masochist shopping channel
>*** #wasted: 16 For people who think and can't sleep
CROW: The net.scandal people probably come to that one.
>*** #BabyBop: 1 *ed.(h0h0h gotta be jim mercer...babybop@io.org)
MIKE: I don't get it.
>*** #AynRand-C* 1 /server undernet.org for new #AynRand-Chat.
>*** #X-FILES: 3 UFO's,Abductions,Sightings,Unexplained,THE X-FILES!
>*** #beastsex: 2 Welcome to the Bestiality Channel ..zoos welcome
ALL: EEWWWWWWWW!!!!!
>*** #transgen: 6 Support channel for the entire TV/TS/TG community!
>*** #FREENET: 32
>*** #spanking: 8 |ADULT| Spanking C'mon In! He will never notice!
MIKE: Dr. Forrester! You could have at least edited some of these out!
>*** #Indiana: 21 Idlers welcome
>*** #Taiwanese: 3 Welcome to #Taiwanese :)
>*** #Canada-f: 4 The world is so cruel Just b COOL!
CROW: Tell us about it.
>*** #bosnia: 13 Welcome to Arab-free Bosnia
>*** #Abortion: 4 In protest of the Anti-Choice Killings.
>*** #australia: 11 Happy New Year To All..
TOM:[Skelton] Goodnight, and GOD BLESS!
>*** #polska: 14 D O B R E G O N O W E G O R O K U ... :)
>*** #lesbian: 7 NO NETSEX, NO soliciting, NO unwanted msgs to user.
TOM: How do you...
MIKE: Hush child.
> Offenders will be kicked.
>*** #bdsm: 10 Mustache Wax and a Strapon
>*** #jack-off: 21 WhatsUp offers free blowjobs to all cummers!
CROW: I'm gonna get sick.
>*** #AIDS/HIV: 1
>*** #talk: 13 No YAWNING!
[Tom yawns.]
>*** #nippon: 14 friday night, if you irc now you're a loser!
MIKE: If you took the time to read this post, you're a loser!
>*** #root: 22 Unix, systems, languages, architectures
>*** #viet: 28 Eight Months in the State Pennitentary
>*** #wicca: 5 Wiccans, Shamans, & Mages -- Oh My !!
ALL: WICCANS, SHAMANS, AND MAGES.. OH MY!! WICCANS, SHAMANS, AND MAGES...
>*** #30plus: 17 come here for babies, and grandchildren
TOM: Babies thirty years or OLDER???
>
>Word to the wise...if you are a serious chatfreak like myself, obtain
CROW: Get a life.
>one of the many irc scripts available out there. Textbox or Phoenix seem
>to be the scripts of choice. The whole adventure will take on far more
>meaning. (nota bene..never ever give someone access to your account)
MIKE: No DUH!
>
>**************************************************************************
>
>Fluff out of the way...
CROW: FINALLY!
> it's time to turn the wringer on again.
>See you in mailbox close to you. Bring it all home for INFOBAHN '95!
TOM: I hope not.
>
>
>How do I JOIN NET.SCANDAL?
>*************************
>Join the list at any time by sending a SUBSCRIBE
>command in the body of a message to net_scand...@io.org
TOM: Hmph.
>
>How do I LEAVE NET.SCANDAL?
>**************************
MIKE: By hitting yourself in the head, with a hard object. You see, it
helps you come to your senses.
>Leave the list at any time by sending an UNSUBSCRIBE
>command in the body of a message to net_scand...@io.org.
>
>How do I SUBMIT INFO to NET.SCANDAL?
>***********************************
>Send your articles to net_s...@io.org
CROW: What if I want to send the "Goodtimes" virus to it?
TOM: It's the same as sending e-mail bombs or info to them.
>
>
>Personal mail to: Tom_...@tvo.org mrc...@io.org
TOM: Hey, he has the same first name as I do.
MIKE: Or if you wish.. HATE mail...
>Educators, put your "problem" kids online, end of problem!
CROW: Oh sure, let them online so they'll get flamed and end up suicidal.
>
>
> <<<<<<<<<<===NET.SCANDAL===>>>>>>>>>>
> will appear weekly(?) until I am permanently dev/null
TOM: Hopefully, that'll be soon.
> (cabalforgeries are welcomed)
>
MIKE: ALL forgeries are welcomed on net.scandal.
>
>
>--
>----------------------------
> mrc...@io.org Editor NET.SCANDAL take a ride on alt.net.scandal
CROW: I bet this ride will end up just like Manos.
> Feel free to join the list at any time by sending the command
> SUBSCRIBE in the body of a message to net_scand...@io.org
>
TOM: Or you can send the command BITE.ME. Which ever one you like.
[They sit there for a few seconds.]
CROW: Well???
MIKE: I guess that's it. Let's go. [Mike picks up Tom. Mike and the bots
leave the theater.]
[1...2...3...4...5...6...7...]
[SOL]
[Mike and the bots are standing at the desk, as usual.]
TOM: Mike, I still didn't get what that post was all about.
CROW: Yeah, I thought it was supposed to be about some kind of a scandal.
MIKE: It WAS about a scandal. Net scandal, to be specific.
TOM: We got THAT sentence, but what about the rest of it?
MIKE: Well. To me, it seemed like a guy making fun of other people who
slack. While at the same time making this post, he TOO was slacking.
BOTS: Oh.
MIKE: What do you think, Sirs?
[Mike taps the mads light.]
[D13]
[Dr.F is sitting at a computer typing. He then looks at the screen.]
DR.F: Ah, Mitch! Today's experiment gave me an idea. I've decided to take
over the world via the internet. [Continues to type on the computer.]
[Reading.] Oh, I've got some e-mail. Dear Mr. Forrester, Bite me???
Make Money Fast??? Read this carefully??.. signed CROW T. ROBOT?!?!
DOH![Looks at the screen very angrily.] Until next time.. and I DO
mean next time![Looks back at the computer.] GOODTIMES???
AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!
[Frank comes on-screen still reading, and pushes the button.]
[Ending Credits.]
THE END
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Use of copyrighted or trademarked material is for entertainment purposes
only. No infringement on original copyrights or trademarks held by Best
Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
directed by Claye Hodge
host segments Claye Hodge
this week's creative pit boss Claye Hodge
music composed and directed by Claye Hodge
Special Thanks
RATM Posters Everywhere
Teachers of America
mis...@jg.cso.uiuc.edu
edited in SHADOWAMMA!!!
>*** #jack-off: 21 WhatsUp offers free blowjobs to all cummers!
>*** #AIDS/HIV: 1
>*** #talk: 13 No YAWNING!
>*** #nippon: 14 friday night, if you irc now you're a loser!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Claye Hodge
/--\_________/--\ /--\________/--\
l___l_______l___l l___l______l___l
l l_______l l l l______l l
^---^ ^---^ MST3K Tagline ^---^ ^---^
-------COMMANDO CODY: What about the ray guns?----------
--------CROW: You mean Ron and Nancy?---------
l------l ----
\ \\ll/ (____)
((o o) - CROW T. ROBOT TOM SERVO - l_ l
--0-^^^/\ 00 l
^^^^\---V -====-
Roger M. Wilcox
>>
>>Our Comments;
>
>CROW: Oh, a multi-user account.
TOM: Or an Eichelbergian one.
--
Roger M. Wilcox rog...@cisco.com (a.k.a. tra...@netcom.com)
------------------- I'm not flying fast, just orbiting low. ----------------
The strength of the human spirit can best be summed up in this sentence:
"For a moment there, I really thought I *could* see five lights." -- JLP
Claye Hodge
a few days...
****** MiSTied Post SPOILER WARNING ******
Well, I warned you.. but you pressed enter.. so I'm not responsible.. :)
Anyway, my next MiSTing will be a MiSTing of Quick Cash.. luckily r.a.t.m.
and a.t.m. have been lucky not to have this post visit them.. or at least
not since I've been on.. I think you'll enjoy it.. I had a great time MiSTing
the last half of the post.. Talk about people will do crazy things for
money???? Not as crazy as the last part of Quick Cash... That's all I'll tell
for now... >:) you'll just have to wait and see!