[MSTed] WITH LOVE ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE

[Omar L. Gallaga]

Misties: This is my first MSTing, so I'd appreciate any comments. The
message is from alt.culture.internet and was sent to me by Petrea, who
gets my undying gratitute. Enjoy!

Deep in the Satellite of Love theater...

> Xref: agora alt.culture.internet:1653
> Newsgroups: alt.culture.internet
> Path: agora!pagesat.net!news.cerf.net!usc!

Tom: Again with the shouting?

> howland.reston.ans.net!spool.mu.edu!

Joel: Welcome to Howland, where you'll paint with Bob Ross and repair
door hinges with Bob Villa.

> torn!nott!cunews!freenet.carleton.ca!FreeNet.Carleton.CA!ah132
> From: ah...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Robert Moldenhauer)
> Subject: With Love All Things Are Possible

Crow: We'll just see about that.

> Message-ID: <CsL15...@freenet.carleton.ca>
> Sender: ne...@freenet.carleton.ca (Usenet News Admin)
> Reply-To: ah...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Robert Moldenhauer)

Tom: Heh! When God made him, he threw away the Moldenhauer.

Crow: Yeah, but it ended up near the bread and got all Moldyhauer.

Joel: Guys, c'mon.

> Organization: The National Capital FreeNet

Tom: Because greed, for lack of a better word, is _good_.

> With Love All Things Are Possible
> Date: Thu, 7 Jul 1994 18:10:45 GMT
> Lines: 39

> This paper has been sent to you for good luck.

Crow: You'll need it!

> The original is in New England.

Joel: ...And is being studied by top criminologists in hopes of
stopping this deadly cycle.

> It has been around the world nine times.

Tom: All things are possible when you love Phinneas Fogg.

> The luck has been sent to you.

Crow: By your good friends at the post office and the NRA.

> You will receive good luck within four days of receiving
> this letter.

Joel: (with an accent) Or you will be shot by the benevelont
followers of the great Manuel Escobar.

> Provided, in turn, you send it on. This is no joke.

Tom: But seriously, folks, I kid the ladies...

> You will receive good luck in the mail.

Crow: Dirty pictures of teens in lace.

Joel: Stop that.

> Send no money.

Tom: Send us your wives and young girls!
Joel: Both of you. I mean it.

> Send copies to people you think need good luck.

Joel: Tonya Harding, O.J. Simpson...

Crow: The Fox Network....

Tom: Anyone who marries Zsa Zsa...

Joel: Chevy Chase...

Crow: The cast and crew of Saved By the Bell...

Tom: Tom Arnold...

> Do not send money as faith has no price.

Crow: Demi Moore, on the other hand...

> Do not keep this letter.

Joel: It's dirty!

> It must leave your hands within 96 hours.

Crow: After which time you will walk on your hands and carry the
letter between your index and middle toes.

> An R.A.S. officer received $170,000.

Tom: And a R.A.S.T.A officer got another gig!

> Joe Elliot received $40,000 and lost it because he broke
> the chain.

Crow: The Broken Chain, on TBS.

> While in the Philippines, George Walsh lost his wife 6 days
after receiving this letter.

Joel: You may disagree with our methods, but Mr. Walsh will never
cross us again. Of this we can be sure.

> However, before her death, he received $7,755,000.

Tom: Because money heals all wounds.

> Please send twenty copies and see what happens in four days.

Joel: Or send fourty copies in eight days. Or 10 copies in five
days. Try your own wacky combinations!

> The chain comes from Venezuela and is written by St. Anthony
> De Gran,

Tom: With music by Alan Menken and lyrics by Tim Rice.

> a missionary from South America. Since this copy must tour the
> world,

Crow: CHAIN LETTER -- The European Tour.

> you must make twenty copies and send them to friends and
> associates.

Joel: You will do this now. The Great God KINKO shall be appeased.

> After a few days you will

Tom: ...have a vague feeling of resentment and take out your anger
on the family pet.

> get a little surprise.

Crow: I've been subpoenaed!

> This is true even if you are not superstitious.

Joel: But it gets truer if you are.

> Do note the following: Constantine Dias received the
> chain in 1953.

Crow: From a chipper young Ed McMahon.

> He asked his secretary to make twenty copies and send
> them.

Tom: His wife asked why he always had his secretary do things in
the office after hours. They're divorced now, but Mr. Dias is
now the happy father of over thirty children.

> A few days later he won a lottery of $2,000,000.

Joel: Unfortunately that was the exact tip he gave to a New York
waitress.

> Carlo Daddis, an office employee received a letter and forgot
> it had to leave his hands within 96 hours.

Crow: A double-amputee with no sense of irony, Carlo didn't see the
bitter humor of the situation.

> He lost his job.

Joel: I lost my license, I lost my car, I lose my house... (Crying)
I lost my wife. I lost the kids. I lost my self respect.
(Really losing it) I LOST MY INTERNET ACCOUNT!!

> Later after finding the letter he mailed twenty copies.

Tom: Thus began the Iran-Contra scandal.

> A few days later he got a better job.

Crow: Cleaning septic tanks on the set of Baywatch.

> Daleen Fairchild

Joel: My _wife_ Daleen Fairchild...

> received the letter and not believing, through the letter
> away.

Tom: Wait a minute. She went away _through_ the letter? You can
travel through it? Guys, think of the ramifications!

Joel: Tom, I think it's a typo

Tom: Oh.

> Nine days later he died.

Crow: (Bono) In a shanty town outside of Johanesberg.

> In 1987, the letter was received by a young woman in California.

Tom: That woman was Tori Spelling who pitched it to her father and
turned it into a successful teen soap opera.

> It was very faded and barely readable.

Crow: Levis very faded, barely readable jeans.

Joel: She must have gotten the unabridged copy.

> She promised herself that she would retype the letter and
> send it on, but she put it aside to do later.

All: Slacker!!!

> She was plagued with various problems

Joel: Ringworm.

Crow: Diarrhea.

Tom: Cirrhosis.

Joel: Halistosis.

Crow: Jock itch.

Tom: Cure it all with Blue Star Ointment (tm)!

> including expensive car repairs.

Joel: She never learned to Midas-cize it.

> She finally typed the letter as promised and got a new car.

Tom: So the letter was from Lee Iaccoca?

> Remember: Send no money! Do not ignore this. It works.

Crow: It stinks.

> St. Jude

Joel: Danny Thomas, no!!!

> --
> Robert Moldenhauer < Archaeologist/Management Info Spec

Tom: With love, all things are possible in the Temple of Doom!

> Wisconsin DNR SW/3 < +1 (608) 264-8971

Crow: Cheese, courtesy the cheese state.

> 101 S Webster St, Box 7921 < ah...@freenet.carleton.ca
> Madison, Wis 53705 U.S.A. < mol...@dnrmai.dnr.wisc.gov

Joel: Madison Avenue?

Tom: Guys, we gotta go.

-end.

By Omar Gallaga
(C) All rights to the gritchings of offended parties are
hereby reserved.
--
*****************************************************************
Omar L. Gallaga ex...@cleveland.freeenet.edu &
ogal...@harikari.ucs.uoknor.edu
SIG requires 2 AA batteries (not included).