MiSTing: Alt.devilbunnies Posts [2/2]
Chris Mayfield
Mike: Weird experiment today, huh guys.
Tom: Yeah. How do these types of newsgroups get started?
Mike: Tom, no man can say. But if you could start up any newsgroup
you wanted, what would it be?
Tom: Oh! I'd like alt.mentos.die.die.die!
Crow: Rec.arts.spec.scripts!
Tom: Alt.sex.fetish.pants.pants.pants!
Crow: Alt.fan.crow!
Tom: Alt.die.for.tom.servo.
Crow: Alt.worship.at.feet.crow.
Tom: Alt.tom.is.the.one.true.god.and.dont.you.forget.it.
Mike: Stop it! You guys are missing the whole point!
Crow: Rec.arts.mike.is.a.dink.
Tom: Misc.nelson.has.no.life.
Mike: Hey you guys--[lights flash]--we've got Usenet sign!
[6...5...4...3...2...1...]
Mike: [entering] Very funny you guys. Remind me to remove your
free will subroutine sometime.
>From: blck...@pentagon.io.com (Lt. Blacktail)
>Newsgroups: alt.devilbunnies
>Subject: Oregon Penetration: Blacktail
>Date: 26 Apr 1995 19:23:00 -0500
>Organization: Illuminati Online
Tom: Coming to a conspiracy near you!
>Message-ID: <3nmo54$f...@pentagon.io.com>
>
>Blacktail pegged the pedal to the floor.
Crow: What do devilbunnies drive?
Mike: Oh, I don't know. Maybe Voltswagon Rabbits?
> The Cavalier jerked out
>into the oncoming lane and bolted around the blue ford pickup.
>As they passed the truck, Annette made sure to point out to the
>old man behind the wheel that he was going very slow.
Crow: [dumb laugh] Heh, heh, read between the lines, old man.
> And so
>went most of the trip. As they neared Oregon, Blacktail flipped
>the radio on.
Mike: This plot specific message just in.
>
> "...rby Broxton the death count rises. The Local Agents
>there have been quoted as saying, 'The virus mainly affects
>rabbits. For this reason the isolation of the infected area is
>necessary
Tom: We are spraying the infected area with Cruex.
> to ensure that the virus does not spread to the
>surrounding states.' Further bulletins will be announced as news
>arrives. And now for 200 minutes of pure music on Coast 101.5.
>[the Cranberries' Zombie begins playing.]"
>
> Blacktail smiled, "Probably all FUDD propaganda.
Crow: The Cranberries are so right wing militaristic.
> But we've
>got to get inside that area. There is information in there. I
>can smell it. One good thing, they're trying to keep rabbits in
>so it's my guess that they won't stop them from going inside.
Mike: So Oregon is a giant Rabbit Motel?
Tom: Rabbits check in, but they don't check out.
>That's if my Imager Scrambler doesn't work."
>
> Annette broke in, "Imager Scrambler?" She looked at him with
>quizzical eyes.
>
> "Yes, it causes a power spike in the FUDDs' Cuteness Imagers.
Tom: It's just beginning to dawn on me how stupid all of this
really is.
>They'll think something is wrong with the gear. Basically it
>overloads the imager until I'm out of range, problem is it was
>very experimental and it doesn't work all the time."
Crow: And it runs on the warm blood of freshly killed raccoons.
>
> Annette nodded. Up ahead the road stretched on and in the
>distance it climbed a small hill. On that road, heading out of
>Oregon, was a line of cars, each one stopping at the checkpoint
All: DO YOU HAVE ANY FRUIT TO DECLARE?
>that came into view. Blacktail slowed the Cavalier down. From
>inside his Morpharmour he activated a nanite routine that began
>churning out a electromagnetic pulse that fizzled every high-tech
>device within a quarter mile.
Mike: [Blacktail] Urgh! My pacemaker!
>
> Slowly they approached the checkpoint, Blacktail acted casual
>as if he had every right to be a human behind the wheel of a car
>about to enter oregon. Annette just shifted nervously in her
>seat and fingered the trigger of her sidearm.
Tom: [singing, falsetto] Happiness is a warm gun.
>
> Ahead of them was the checkpoint. A makeshift fence system
>extended off the road a bit. Straddling the center line of the
>road was a Hummer. Interesting,
Crow: That's what this post needs to be!
> this one had a high power 20mm
>gun strapped to the roof. Enough firepower to take out a car one
>mile away. Blacktail grinned.
Tom: Heh, heh, gun. Heh, heh, death. Cool.
> Near the Hummer a man in a grey
>jumpsuit was fiddling with a Cuteness Imager, repeatedly banging
>the side of the machine.
Crow: Stuff usually works better if you smash it first.
>
> From inside the vehicle the Morpharmour allowed Blacktail to
>hear him speaking with another man. "Joe, yeah, the damned thing
>just leapt off the scale.
Mike: It keeps saying that I'm "hot stuff."
> We got peaks forming everywhere.
>Hells the damned thing says there's a whole warren right
>underneath yer feet!"
Mike: Robert Penn Warren?
Crow: Earl Warren?
Tom: Warren G?
>
> "The radio's on the fritz too, Mike, must be interference
>from somewhere. Just halt the outgoings, can't allow anything
>past."
>
> The man called Joe looked to Blacktail and Annette's car.
Mike: Look to this car, young graduate.
>"Whaddabout them?"
>
> Mike smiled, "Hell's if they're DB's and they want in here,
>more power to 'em!"
>
> Joe smiled and waved the Cavalier forward. Quick questions
>were asked,
Crow: Whatsthecapitalofmontanawhatstheaccerationduetogravityin
meterspersecondwhowasthesecondprimeministerofengland?
> where they were going. Their Business in the
>Infected Zone. When they would be leaving. Blacktail lied. A
>lot. Jow waved them on, wishing them a nice day.
Mike: You folks enjoy the Holocaust now, ya hear?
>
> The drove by and Annette watched as they passed the Hummer,
>"Big gun."
Tom: [dumb falsetto] Ooooh, big gun.
> She paused as they drove and spoke once they were out
>of distance. "On the side of the Hummer,
Mike: There hung a claw.
> there was a shield, and
>it wasn't the Department of Agriculture's. It was mostly covered
>by dirt but I got the word SecStar from it. Mean anything?"
Crow: In this post? Don't kid me.
>
> Blacktail shook his head, "Probably not, but I can take a
>look once we find a place to stay."
>
> Annette nodded and they drove on. Little did they know
Crow: Ain't that the truth.
> but
>they had passed through a wall that no bun had crossed since the
>whole ordeal began. It wasn't going to be easy to get out.
Mike: Because they had forgotten their passports.
>
>TBC-
>--
>"In heaven is divine, on earth do sinners rest | Blacktail &
> Truffles.VSPP
> so say the wise men, the mad men, the dead. | written by:
Tom: A college student loopy on Mountain Dew and Elmer's Glue.
> About the storm we find the fever, | Jason
> Kokosinski
> in her heart we find salvation." - JMK | blck...@io.com
>From: at...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Tammy Sue Heming)
>Reply-To: at...@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Tammy Sue Heming)
>Newsgroups: alt.devilbunnies
>Subject: DenverWarren: To Skin A Cat I
>Date: Fri, 28 Apr 1995 00:21:39 GMT
>Organization: The National Capital FreeNet
>Message-ID: <D7pyC...@freenet.carleton.ca>
>
>Easter wrote:
>
>> Then she remembered Istari Silver
Crow: Mithril.
> and what his message to
>>her. Of course. If FluffyTeacher wouldn't allow her to use
>>Denverwarren, there was a whole warren out there,
Tom: Look out warren! Here I come!
> abandonded.
>>The Oklahoma system was old, but it could be made to work.
>> But first...
Mike: A word from our sponsor.
>> "This is Easter IronYears! Can I please talk to
>>FluffyTeacher?"
Mike: I don't know. *Can* you?
Tom: I mean, *may* I talk with FluffyTeacher?
>
>FluffyTeacher groaned when the intercom went off again. "What is
>it *this* time?" [annoyedfluff]
Crow: You know, the stage directions make this post for me.
>
>"Easter has sent another request to see you, this is the fifth
>one."
>
>FluffyTeacher sighed. Between having to clean the kitchen after
>Kyrie and Saffron's "accident",
Tom: The shameful "pancake batter" incident.
> getting the Eleison's settled
Mike: Wait. Kyrie--Eleison. It's Catholic humor. Ha.
Tom: [singing] But the music of our singing, and the music of the
ringing, when we were singing Kyrie Eleison, Kyrie Eleison...
>into their new home, worrying about Danny and Dannielle at NoCo,
>taking Alex to specialists to find out why he still wasn't
>talking,
Mike: Perhaps that trowel embedded in his head is the problem.
Tom: Or that thalidomide pacifier they gave him as a child.
Crow: Don't discount the possibility that he's just plain stupid.
> and getting Al ready for mentat training, she had
>completely forgotten about Easter
Mike: [grumbling] Great. I've got to get some candy, pick up that
dyeing kit and some eggs, oh, and send out the cards...
> and Stephan.
>
>"Tell Easter I'll see her in my office in ten minutes." That
>should give herself enough time to get the kits to bed.
>
>[ten minutes later]
Crow: Wow! She's so punctual!
Tom: Today class, we learn "compression of time."
>
>Easter entered FluffyTeacher's office escorted by guards, a very
>frazzled FluffyTeacher was waiting for her.
>
>"What do you need to see me about Easter?"
Mike: It's this Jesus character. He's interfering with our candy
sales.
> FluffyTeacher got
>right down to business.
>
>Easter fluffed uncertainly. "I thank you for your hospitality,
Crow: [FluffyTeacher] Thanks. NOW GET OUT!
>but I fear that my continued stay here would endanger your
>warren. I...cannot do that.
>
>"As you know, an old, er, 'acquaintance' of mine has been
>threatening me and has already attacked the Old Warren. I'm
>going to try to stop him.
Crow: There can be only one!
>
>"I need a much bigger system than my portable. There's an
>abandoned warren in Oklahoma that I can use..."
>
>Easter sighed. "I need a bunnymover to get there.
Mike: Why don't you just call U-haul?
> And... if you
>wouldn't mind, I'd really appreciate some company for the ride."
>
>FluffyTeacher looked at all the work on her desk. She still had
>five kits to raise. She had a warren to run.
Mike: [singing] There is work to be done, to be done, there's a
warren to be run, to be run, come you son of a son of a bun...
> "I really need a
>vacation." she [fluffsighed] "Besides, if Oklahoma *is*
>abandoned, I can see if it's suitable for Derik to establish
>himself in. That kit has already fathered two litters, with
>another one on the way!"
Tom: Geez, they're breeding like...forget I said anything.
> FluffyTeacher then turned serious.
>"There is just one problem, what am I suppose to do with Stephan?
Crow: Leopold brought this drunk home last night.
>I'm not leaving a Fudd in my warren while I'm not here."
>
>FluffyTeacher and Easter IronYears!
>I'm a grandmother already?!?! >;)
Crow: #(:)o
>TBC
>
>@}---`---,--- \
>ftea...@denverwarren.edu \ /\
>Bringing the next generation to Cuteness ( )
>I'm a good doe, HONEST!!!! [fluffypout] _( * )_
Crow: Tell me about the rabbit sig again, George.
Tom: Come on, let's get out of here.
[1...2...3...4...5...6...]
Mike: That was a surreal experiment. Demon rabbits trying to take
over the world. Where do people come up with these things?
Crow: Maybe they were exposed to large amounts of Watership Down
when they were children?
Tom: There's that childhood obsession with fuzzy footed pajamas.
Crow: Maybe they had some sort of trauma involving Night of the
Lepus?
Mike: The world may never know. What do you think, sir?
[Deep 13. Dr. F. is in a pink rabbit costume holding a stuffed
doll of Roger Rabbit.]
Dr. F: Mummy, what do you mean there's no Easter Bunny? Mummy?
Mummy? Tell me about the rabbits, George.
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fwshhhh
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not authorized, endorsed, or supported by anyone. It is not
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freely distributed as long as this notice remains intact.
MiSTed by Chris Mayfield, camf...@iastate.edu
>What the fluffyhell was this?