[MiSTied] Aliens Invade Prime Time 2/2
Claye Hodge
>``
> EARTH CHANGING
> Media Frequencies of Communication and Control
CROW: The Republican Congress takeover!
>
> by
> Jennifer Baltz
>
> People have a (sic) innate need for communication with one another.
> In this century, this need for communication has led to the
ALL: Information Super Highway.
> inventions of the radio [WRONG: 1895, Marconi], telephone [WRONG:
MIKE: I'm sorry, but you have to state your answer in the form of a question.
> 1876, Bell], television, and now computer online services and the
> Internet. Satellites provide a means with which we can see what is
> happening when an earthquake kills thousands in Japan or when rains
> flood California.
TOM: He must subscribe to The Disaster Channel.
CROW: They have great programming.
> We can see peace conferences and riots as they
> happen, tour the world around us and even shop from our living room
> sofa.
MIKE: In one easy step, thanks to QVC.
>
>===> But what have we lost in the information age? Humans have a
>===> tendency to believe everything they hear if it comes from approved
> sources.
TOM: The Government?
> Most Americans don't know who controls the news. We are
> easily manipulated by those who "spin" the truth to fit their own
> needs.
MIKE: Oh let me guess.. The "Liberal Media".
>===> Amusingly, a group of Pleiadians, extraterrestrials most popularly
> known through the channelings by Barbara Marciniak in "Bringers of
>===> the Dawn" and her new book "Earth",
TOM: Earth 2, on NBC.
> say that humans are well-known
>===> throughout the universe as a species that is easily tricked!
>
>===> These aliens assert that human energy frequency can be controlled
>===> by the mass media.
CROW: It's called brainwashing. A lot of conservative radio talk show hosts
use it.
> "We recommend strongly that you get rid of your
>===> television sets.
MIKE:[female] But I want to watch Sisters.
> They are the primary tool used to manipulate your
>===> consciousness of a day-to-day basis. This experiment is so finely
>===> tuned that you respond subliminally to disease via the television.
TOM: BARF. [gulp] I don't.
>===> So there is an entire generation that is killing itself by watching
>===> television -- and supporting the medical profession while they are
>===> doing it."
MIKE: Yeah, but can they pat their head and rub their stomach at the same
time?
>
> If this sounds crazy,
CROW: Then it obviously is.
> stop and ask yourself why there is a cold and
> flu season every winter.
TOM: Yeah, and what about Scarecrow's brain???
> This is the time when TV is most
> frequently viewed, so the advertising industry ups the ante for
> increasing their profit margins with an influx of prime-time
> commercial slots on cold and flu remedies.
MIKE: Now he's blaming commercial TV.
> Why are so many more
> people diagnosed with cancer and similar diseases today than fifty
> years ago? Perhaps we are programmed to get them.
CROW: Oh no... I was using brainwashing reference as a joke, but this is
alt.conspiracy.. Should've known they'd say it.
>
> Human bodies are programmed by design. The more programmable your
> body, the greater the flexibility _you_ have in designing and
> changing it.
MIKE: That's Cher for ya.
> [Changing? Male to female Sexual Reassignment Surgery
TOM: Oh please.
> (SRS)?] However, when you give up control of your body to someone
> else or a collective control energy, things get out of hand. The
CROW: I am Crow T. Robot of Borg, you will be nauseated. Resistance is
futile.
> less control your have over your body, the more powerless you feel.
> You become a victim to whatever comes along.
>
> If our children can be easily programmed to demand the latest toy,
[Send your requests to misties...@jg.cso.uiuc.edu with SUBSCRIBE in the
message!]
> is it so farfetched to think that we are programmed over time to be
> sick, to fear our planet and each other?
TOM:[Singing] We're a danger to ourself and others.
>
> At the very least, this mass-thinking shuts off individuality. It
> destroys creativity and human consciousness. Very few people can
> rise from watching three hours of sitcoms to create a masterpiece of
> fiction or a symphony.
MIKE: What do you call this?
> The energy vibrations are too different.
>
> The vibrations of the media can override your communication with
> yourself, and your spiritual communication with others.
TOM:[female] You have to be ONE with nature...
> For example,
> the Australian Aborigines are one of many indigenous tribes that
> still uses the ability to communicate telepapathically
CROW: But even THEY can't use a stick shift.
> [CRAP: Cite
> References And Proof].
TOM: Told ya, we would be funnier.
> The Masai of Africa is a nomadic tribe that
> is known to communicate to another village across the continent
> through their dreams or astral travel.
MIKE:[soft voice] What are your dreams about?
>
> In our society, communication usually lacks the depth and under-
> standing that is needed to bring people together on an intimate
> level spiritually.
TOM: Duhhh.. Look at the funny words.. Hyuk Hyuk Hyuk.
> We listen to one another like we listen to TV --
> at a zoned-out level of consciousness. We don't pick up non-verbal
> and telepathic clues that are the keys to understanding.
CROW: If I had working arms I'd be flipping you the bird, and I'm SURE you
would get THAT clue.
MIKE: Uhh Crow... No you wouldn't, because I would have taken your arm off
before you'd be able to do it.
>
> How do you rediscover these lost vibrations of communication and
> creativity?
TOM: I use the Psychic Friends Network.
> The key to a conscious lifestyle is to create it, one
> piece at a time, in a way that sticks.
CROW: Use Super Glue.
> If you want to stop watching
> TV, don't just unplug it -- disconnect your cable instead.
MIKE: What about MTV Jams???
CROW: And the Sci-Fi Channel???
TOM: YEAH! And reruns of ThirtySomething on Lifetime?
[Mike and Crow glare at Tom.]
> It may
> sound like a challenge at first -- especially if you have children --
> but it will invariably lead to improved communication with your
> family and yourself.
CROW: I guess you COULD call "WHY DID YOU DISCONNECT THE CABLE YOU DA..
[Mike quickly clamps down on Crow's mouth.
> __________________________
> Jennifer Baltz is a writer and clairvoyant. She is also a teacher
> at the Berkeley Psychic Institute.
TOM: And a patient, too.
> She can be reached for a reading
> at 800/600-3404.
>''
>{end of quoted article}
MIKE: Oh, the end of the QUOTED article.
>
>In the same issue, I was surprised to see many advertisements by people who
>suffix their names with ", MA"; does this ring any warning bells? :-)
TOM: Well, maybe that they're from Massachusett?
>
>Also in the same issue, page 14, is an interview with Gordon-Michael
>Scallion.
>
>Hoo boy, Scallion predicts:
CROW: That you will never become funny.
>
> - seasons in the United States will be reduced to three as spring
> and Summer merge into one,
TOM: Springmmer?
MIKE: Summpring?
>
> - the west coast [of USA, presumably] will recede to Nebraska by
> 2001,
CROW: I guess we won't see the verdict to the OJ Simpson case.
>
> - the Great Lakes [between Canada and the USA] will reach down into
> the Gulf of Mexico,
TOM: Talk about the Mason/Dixon line.
>
> - the "United States once again will become the 13 Colonies" between
> 1995-1999,
MIKE: Don't forget about the US receding to Nebraska.. Remember that one?
>
> - between 1998-2002, during a 24-hour period, all known diseases
> will disappear,
CROW: How do you get twenty-four hours in four years?
>
> - starting 1998-2002. all children will be born telepathic, with
> gray eyes, blue-tinted skin, and will live to be 150 years old,
ALL: OH BROTHER!
>
> - by the turn of the century "Earth will have (sic) binary sun
> system. In the evening, the second sun will appear as a star [duh,
> aren't all suns "stars"?],
TOM: Your comments aren't funny. SHUT UP!
> blue in color, seen as a bright light
> in the Milky Way. By day it will look like a small white light
CROW: Go towards the liiiiight... Goooo towards the liiiiight.
> in the sky much like the moon when it is visible during the day.
> As a result of our second sun and a magnetic pole shift occurring
> between now and 1997, all people on Earth will appear to have a
> bluish skin tint.",
MIKE: Oh no.. We're going to turn into HUMAN SMURFS! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHH!!
BOTS: Laaa Laaa lala laaa laaa, laaa lalalaaa laaa laaa...
MIKE: Shut up! It's not funny!
>
> - Atlantis will appear between 1995 and 2001,
>
> etc.
TOM: Etcetera... Etcetera...
>
>"Scallion receives his visions spontaneously throughout the day and in his
CROW: Etch-a-Sketch.
>meditations [hmmm, LSD-flashbacks?]. He sits in front of his computer in a
>meditation trance and types what he sees.
TOM: He gets his visions from alt.slack???
> He says he must see his vision
>three times before he will publish it in his 'Earth Changes Report.' ..."
>[...]
>
>Clearly, "Psychic Reader" has high entertainment value at the right price!
MIKE: You call this.. Entertainment???
>:-)
CROW: >:P
TOM: [O=l
CROW: Nice Portrait.
TOM: Thank you.
MIKE: Since when were you guys able to do that stuff?
>
>Note, though, subscriptions are US$11.50/1-year, US$19.50/2-years.
CROW: Not much of an IMPORTANT note.
MIKE: I guess that's it. Let's go. [Mike picks up Tom.]
TOM: That wasn't really a BAD post, it was just WIERD.
CROW:"The Twenty-five thousand dollars a month" post was bad.
[Mike and the bots leave the theater.]
[@...2...3...4...5...6...{}...]
[SOL]
MIKE: Well guys, that was a very strange experiment.
CROW: It almost makes me want to take back those things I said to Dr. F,
after seeing the experiment. He really IS depressed.
MIKE: Well, go on. Take back what you said.
CROW: I said it ALMOST makes me want to. I didn't say that it DOES make me
want to take them back.
MIKE: I guess we better give them the address.
CROW: Let me!
TOM: No! No! Let me give the address.
[Gypsy comes on screen.]
GYPSY: I want to give the address!
MIKE: No, since you guys blew it, with giving Dr. Forrester a card. I'll
give the address.
GYPSY: Oh.. [Gypsy goes off screen.]
CROW: Hey Tom, want to give me a.. LOBOTOMY?
TOM: SURE, and then Mike can give you a Lobotomy Get Well card.
[The bots laugh as they go off screen.]
MIKE:[sighs and shakes his head.] If you like Mystery Usenet Theater 3000
and would like to do a MiSTing. You gotta send your request to the dibs
list first, at misties...@jg.cso.uiuc.edu with SUBSCRIBE in the
body of the message. Please do this before doing your MiSTing. If you
would like to send mail to the list, send it to mis...@jg.cso.uiuc.edu.
They're always looking for "fresh cheese" on the net. Well.. What do
you think, Sir.. and are you feeling better, Dr. Forrester? [Mike taps
the mads light button.]
[D13]
DR.F: Oh SURE. Send THEM letters and mail. Don't worry about Dr. Forrester
even though HE'S depressed and alone. Push the button, Fra... [sigh]
I really am alone, aren't I? [Dr.F pushes the button.]
THE END
directed by Claye Hodge
written by Claye Hodge
music composed and arranged by Claye Hodge
produced by Claye Hodge
edited by Claye Hodge
Special Thanks
RATM Posters Everywhere
Teachers of America
mis...@jg.cso.uiuc.edu
edited in SHADOWWAMMA!!!
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) 1995 by Best Brains Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Use of copyrighted or trademarked material is for entertainment purposes
only. No infringement on original copyrights or trademarks held by Best
Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
> Human bodies are programmed by design. The more programmable your
> body, the greater the flexibility _you_ have in designing and
> changing it. [Changing? Male to female Sexual Reassignment Surgery
> (SRS)?]
---------------
Claye Hodge
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