[MiSTied] CIA Psi

[Todd Gilbert]

[opening credits]

[SOL bridge. Mike is checking the umbilicus and removes a package.
Crow and Tom enter stage right.]

TOM: What'cha got there, Mike?
MIKE: Something the mads sent up. Seems they want to do things
a little different today, and needed us to get ready early.
CROW: Well open it up.
MIKE: Okay. [opens box. pulls out four blindfolds. Mike & the
bots look at them, then at cambot]
ALL: uh-oh.

[commercial sign....Make it one of the oscar ones, I haven't
seen enough of those to bug me yet]

[SOL bridge. Mike & the bots, including gypsy, are behind a
game show type panel table. Each is wearing a blindfold. Gypsy's
is a big single panel job. Behind them is a banner proclaing
"What's My Line". Mike reaches out and gropes for the
D-13 light]

MIKE: Okay, Dr. Forrester, we're ready.

[Deep 13]

Dr. F: Ah, good. Frank.
Frank: [places something in the umbilicus and we hear wooshing
as it heads up to the SOL.] Is it there yet?
DR. F: Yep.
Frank: [as announcer] Will the mystery guest sign in please?

[SOL. a new bot comes out of the umbilicus. It is made of
several car jacks. Two screw-type jacks attached crossways
make up the legs while a post-type jack makes up the body
and head. the arms are two tire irons (just altered enough
to give some dexterity). He leans over and signs in: JAX]

DR. F: [vo] Okay, we'll start the questions with Mike.

MIKE: Uh, right. Are you a musician?
JAX: [Jax's voice is extraordinarily perky. Kind of like the
Lemmings in the game of the same name] No, I'm not.

Dr. F: [vo] Crow.
CROW: Are you bigger than a bread-box?
JAX: No, I'm not.
CROW: You're Emmanual Lewis.

Dr. F: Sorry. Gypsy.
GYPSY: Are you known for your work in the theatre?
JAX: Not yet.
CROW: See, Emmanual Lewis.

FRANK: Crow, shush. Tom.
TOM: Uh, are you an evil invention of Dr. Forresters?
JAX: Define evil.
TOM: Are you an invention of Dr. Forresters?
JAX: Yes.
TOM: 'Nuf said.

Dr. F: Now Tom, don't be so judgemental. Mike again.
MIKE: Are you going to make our lives a living hell.
JAX: [disingenuouslly] I don't think so.
MIKE: [ripping off blindfold] That's enough. What are
you trying to do to us?

[D13]

Dr. F: Why nothing. [looks a t Frank, they both snicker] It's
just that in our analysis of the experiments we've
noticed your pain levels dropping steadily.
FRANK: Yes. We hypothesize that you are so used to the kind of
dreck we subject you to you never expect anything decent.
Therefore....
DR. F: Therefore, there is not that sense of pain and horror as
you come to realize the true awfulness of your plight.
FRANK: Which we need.
Dr. F: Yes. So meet JAX. JAX has been programmed to point out
the good parts of the experiments. We believe this will
break through the wall of denial that is keeping you from
the pain we intend for you.
CROW: [VO] I say we space the bugger.
Dr. F: I wouldn't try that. I anticipated your dislike of my new
creation and built in some defense mechanisms. Being made
of car jacks, if you touch him wrong, he will slip out of
your grasp and a car will land on your legs.
TOM: [VO] There are no cars up here.
FRANK: You wanna rollthose dice, pink boy?!
DR. F: Now, your experiment today is a trio of posts found on
various alt.paranet newsgroups. There is no central theme,
except pain.....send them the movie Frank.

[SOL movie sign.....mayhem. amid it all we hear:]

JAX: Let's go!

[G...6...5...4...3...2...1]

[SOL theatre. The four enter. Mike sets Tom down. Jax
sits to the left of Tom]

In article <sarahell....@echo.echo.com>, sara...@echo.echo.com
(Sarahell) wrote:

TOM: Echooooooo.
CROW: Echooooooo.
MIKE: Commmmmmmm.

> Path:
> bdmcom!uunet!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!howland.reston.ans.net!news.sprintlink.net!redstone.interpath.net!hilbert.dnai.com!nic.scruz.net!echo.echo.com!sarahell
> From: sara...@echo.echo.com (Sarahell)

MIKE: Truth in advertising. A post straight from hell.
TOM: Is sarahell a man or woman?
CROW: Who cares?
TOM: I have to know whether to use "he" or "she".
MIKE: Let's use "she".

> Newsgroups: alt.paranet.paranormal
> Subject: CIA Psi
> Date: 11 Jan 95 02:47:24 GMT
> Organization: scruz-net

TOM: X-scruz you.

> Lines: 50
> Message-ID: <sarahell....@echo.echo.com>
> NNTP-Posting-Host: echo.com
> Summary: yikes
> Keywords: hmmm

CROW: Couldn't have said it better myself.

> X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.0 #7 (NOV)

> Well, trying to make this anonymous, because i don't in any way
> wish to identify this person,

MIKE: I guess she's anti-antecedants.

> I chanced to meet someone and from their
> description of their life

CROW: [Gump] My life is like a box of chocolates...

> they spent their entire youth in government
> facilities

TOM: They're called jails.

> because they were telekinetic-

MIKE: Yeah, he made that bullet fly at that 7-11 night manager.

> they actually used the phrase
> "hyperkinetic" and i said, like hyperactive>? and they said,as if i was
> very dumb,

CROW: If occasionally insightful.

> "to move things. i moved things with my mind." and went on to
> tell me all sorts of stuff.

TOM: Like about this vat of pig's blood

> This has happened ALOT with me (people telling me things) bvecause I
> am very empathic

MIKE: Then why do they have to tell you?

> and Dis-Believe Nothing,

TOM: [singing] What's with these homeies dis'n my girl?

> because emotion is paramount
> to sanity.

CROW: Do not attempt to adjust your id.

> But this person could very well be delusional-

MIKE: Or you could be imagining it.

> they (it is
> actually singular obviously, but i want to keep even gender ambiguous)

TOM: I'm hoping it's a girl.
CROW: I'm hoping it's a guy.
MIKE: I'm hoping nobody takes that out of context.

> had been in many psyche wards in the past few years ,

TOM: [training film voiceover] Watch for these warning signs...

> after having been
> dropped by the govt because of "brain-drain- it's all gone now- i have
> nothing left- too much-"

MIKE: [singing] time on my hands. It's slipping away with my sanity.
CROW: Mike. that's Styx.
MIKE: Yeah, but incredibly on-topic.

> Who knows>? My life story very few would ever believe, so I never judge
> anyone elses. I actually tend to believe this person, as opposed to others
> who have told me similar govt-based oppression stories, because this person
> was telling me the absolute truth.

TOM: Sometimes I believe people because they lie like cheap rugs,
BUT NOT THIS TIME!

> this person was either COMPLETELY mad,
> or comepletely sane.

MIKE: That's the first thing in here I'm _sure_ is true.

> I think this perosn was completely sane- this is a
> bit of what he told me:
>
> Okay, so it's a he.

CROW: Yeaaaaaaah!
MIKE: Okay, here's the description of the perp: male.
Go get him.
TOM: And let's be careful out there.

> He said when he was very small he started to move things

MIKE: Billy! Put down your father!

> and his mother
> tried to dope him up to stop him. She gave him liquor and pills at a
very young
> age.

CROW: Party at my place!
TOM: Fill his bottle with 1 part Vodka, 1 part Gin, and 1 part Scotch.
Then drink it yourself and you won't give a damn.

> But it didn't stop him- it just made it worse. Finally, she took him to
> a doctor when he was 2 and 1/2, at which time he was taken away from his
> mother

MIKE: See, there's this thing called child abuse...

> and put in hosptial.
> institution after govt facility & tested & tested "the cuckoos nest looked
> nice when i saw it, the movie" he told me, "these places -" and he
couldnt even
> speak for a sec.

TOM: She _is_ empathic. Her typing just went to hell.
CROW: No, her typing is coming _from_ hell.

> anywayz, he was tested and used and tested and used and then he stopped.

MIKE: It's a shame Kurt Cobain is gone. He could've made a great
song out of that.

> he burnt out his brain, his system, whatever it had been. and they tried
eveyrthing
> to get it back.

TOM: [singing] Get back to where you once belonged.

> but they couldn't. so at long last he was supposed to go
out in
> the real world (they had a teacher (s) in various
hosptial./institutions/facilities
> along the way) and instead of releasing him into the general population they
> released him into Vietnam.

[Tom begins shaking violently]
MIKE: Easy now, big guy. Just close your eyes 'til it gets better.
CROW: It's gonna get better?
MIKE: I doubt it. I meant the shaking.

> Where he was supposed to have died, but instead
> he got addicted to heroin and made it back.

CROW: [Andy Kaufman] Heroin...Death...Heroin...Death.

> Whereupon he has lived on a
> paycheck from the govt ever since. (not the usual kind either)

MIKE: Is that a usual paycheck or usual government?
TOM: [settling down] Must be government, there's all kinds of paychecks.

> SOUNDS CRAZY, right>?

ALL: YES!

> Well, I don't dis-believe him.

MIKE: Scary thing is, she's probably one of the more reliable
sources on alt.paranet.paranormal.
>
> -Sara Hell

CROW: You know, they shouldn't give net access to people in rehab
TOM: What makes you think she's in rehab.
CROW: just optimistic, I guess.

--------------------
continued in "[MiSTied] *the* answer"