MSTed: CIA, LSD, MST -- OH MY! pt2/5 NEW!!!
Lisa D. Jenkins
Part 2
MiSTied by Lisa Jenkins
DISCLAIMER:
_Mystery Science Theater 3000_, its characters and situations are copyright
1994 Best Brains, Inc. This publication is not meant to infringe on any
copyrights held by Best Brains, Comedy Central, its employees or the
originators of the material for this post. This article is free to distribute
as long as its contents and this notice remains intact.
[Continued from part 1:]
[Satellite of Love Theater]
[MIKE carries TOM into the theater. CROW follows them in.]
MIKE: You knew all along they were just regular garden weeds.
CROW: [chuckles] Yeah, but we fooled YOU, didn't we!
>
> After the war, the CIA and the military picked-up where they OSS had
> left off in the secret search for a truth serum.
MIKE: They looked in the cupboards, they looked in the cabinets. If only they
had told someone they were looking for it, the CIA would have been told
it was in the refrigerator all along.
> The navy took the lead
> when it initiated Project CHATTER in 1947 -- the same year the CIA was
> formed.
TOM: Coincidence? We think not.
> Described as an "offensive" program,
CROW: Boy, that really offends me.
> CHATTER was supposed to
> devise means of obtaining information from people independent of their
> volition but without physical duress.
CROW: So instead we made them BEG for it!
> Toward this end, Dr Charles
> Savage conducted experiments with mescaline (a semi-synthetic extract of
> the peyote cactus that produces hallucinations similar to those caused
> by LSD) at the Naval Medical Research Institute in Bethesda, Maryland.
> But these studies, which involved animal as well as human subjects, did
> not yield as effective truth serum, and CHATTER was terminated in 1953.
MIKE: Better to terminate CHATTER than all those animal and human subjects,
though.
>
> The navy became interested in mescaline as an interrogation agent when
> American investigators learned of mind control experiments carried out
> by Nazi doctors at the Dachau concentration camp during World War II.
TOM: They found they admired the techniques of the Nazi doctors and wanted to
grow up to be just like them.
> After administering the hallucinogen to 30 prisoners, the Nazis
> concluded that it was "impossible to impose one's will on another person
> as in hypnosis even when the strongest dose of mescaline had been
> given."
MIKE: But it was a heck of a lot easier to control masses of people when they
tortured them and gassed thousands more.
> But the drug still afforded certain advantages to SS
> interrogators, who were consistently able to draw "even the most
> intimate secrets from the [subject] when questions where cleverly put."
CROW: Heck, if you ask Mike cleverly enough, you can get him to do--
TOM: [admonishes] Crow! Not now!
CROW: Huh?
MIKE: I think you and me need to have a little talk later.
> Not surprisingly, "sentiments of hatred and revenge were exposed in
> every case."
MIKE: Gee. What a surprise. Being interrogated by Nazis and they found the
subjects to be hateful. Hmm.
>
> The mescaline experiments at Dachau were described in a lengthy report
> by the US Naval Technical Mission, which swept across Europe in search
> of every scrap of industrial material and scientific data that could be
> garnered from the fallen Reich.
TOM: This new movement was known as "The Fourth Reich."
> This mission set the stage for the
> wholesale importation of more than 600 top Nazi scientists under the
> auspices of Project paperclip --
CROW: They wanted to see who could make the longest chain of paperclips in the
whole Pentagon.
> which the CIA supervised during the
> early years of the Cold War. Among those who emigrated to the US in
> such a fashion was Dr Hubertus Strughold, the German scientist whose
> chief subordinates (Dr Sigmund Ruff and Dr Sigmund Rascher)
TOM: --along with Dr. Sigmund Freud--
> were
> directly involved in "aviation medicine" experiments at Dachau, which
> included the mescaline studies.
CROW: What does "aviation medicine" have to do with illegal drugs as truth
serums?
MIKE: The drugs make you believe you can fly. Without a plane.
TOM: Ah. Like out of body experiences and flapping your arms.
MIKE: Exactly.
> Despite recurring allegations that he
> sanctioned medical atrocities during the war,
CROW: Oh! The atrocities! The people--! Huh? Where am I?
TOM: You're just having a recurring allegation, Crow. Go back to
hallucinating.
> Strughold settled in Texas
> and became an important figure in America's space program.
MIKE: After all, someone who's studied others "spaced out" could easily
convert to the space program!
> After Werner
> von Braun, he was the top Nazi scientist employed by the American
> government, and he was subsequently hailed by NASA as the "father of
> space medicine".
TOM: Privately they called him "Big Daddy."
>
> The CIA, meanwhile, had launched an intensive research effort geared
> toward developing "special" interrogation techniques.
CROW: Degrading, humiliating and whipping just weren't doing the job any more.
> Two methods
> showed promise in the late 1940s. The first involved narcohypnosis --
> in which a CIA psychiatrist attempted to induce a trance state after
> administering a mild sedative.
MIKE: Look at my watch. Look at it swing back and forth, and back and forth.
You are becoming sleepy. Very sleepy.
CROW: [snorts suddenly like he's been snoring] Huh? Wha--? Did I miss
something?
> A second technique involved a
> combination of two different drugs with contradictory effects.
TOM: I'm her mother! I'm her sister! I'm her mother! I'm her sister!
> A heavy
> dose of barbituates was given to knock the subject out, and then he
> received an injection of a stimulant, usually some type of amphetamine.
CROW: Up, down. What am I? Elvis?
MIKE: [Elvis impression] "Thank you. Thank you very much."
> As he started to come out of a somnambulant state, he would reach a
> certain ineffable point prior to becoming fully conscious. Described in
> CIA documents as "the twilight zone", this groggy condition was
> considered optimal for interrogation.
MIKE: [Rod Sterling impression] Examine, if you will, a man trapped on the
verge of wakefulness and unconsciousness. He is about to enter "The
Twilight Zone."
>
> CIA doctors attempted to extend the stuporous limbo as long as possible.
> In order to maintain the delicate balance between consciousness and
> unconsciousness, an intravenous hookup was inserted in both the
> subject's arms.
TOM: Not that he would notice, mind you.
> One set of works contained a downer, the other an upper
> (the classic "goofball" effect),
CROW: Whoo-hoo! Hocked up on goofballs again!
> with a mere flick of the finger an
> interrogator could regulate the flow of chemicals.
MIKE: With just a flick of my Bic....
> The idea was to
> produce a "push" -- a sudden outpouring of thoughts, emotions,
> confidences, and whatnot.
TOM: Come on, damn you! Push! Push!
> Along this line, various combinations were
> tested. Seconal and Dexedrine; Pentothal and Desoxyn;
MIKE: Jolly Ranchers and Mentos.
> and depending on
> the whim of the spy in charge,some marijuana (the old OSS stand-by,
> which the CIA referred to as "sugar") might be thrown in for good
> measure.
TOM: Problem was, brown sugar would harden and they did not know about the
trick to put in a slice of bread or an apple to keep the brown sugar
soft.
>
> The goofball approach was not a precision science.
MIKE: Just a little dash of this and a sprinkle of that!
TOM: Goofballing is a lot like cooking....
> There were no
> strictly prescribed rules or operating procedures regarding what drugs
> should be employed in a given situation. The CIA interrogators were
> left to their own devices,
CROW: But they got by with a few whips and chains....
MIKE: I hope you don't mean that like I think you mean that.
> and a certain degree of recklessness was
> perhaps inevitable.
TOM: "Whoo-hoo! Hey there! Lookie that! I killed a man just for snorin' too
loud!"
> In one case, a group of CIA experts hastily drafted
> a memo after reviewing a report prepared by one of the Agency's special
> interrogation teams.
MIKE: It was riddled with grammar mistakes and misspellings because they did
not take the time to proofread.
> The medical consultants pointed out that "the
> amounts of scopolamine administered were extremely heavy."
TOM: They realized they were using up their supply much too quickly and they
had to cut back.
> They also
> noted that the best results were obtained when two or at most three
> different chemicals were used in a session.
CROW: Hmm. Ajax and Mr. Clean would work well here.
MIKE: Let's add WD-40 for good measure, shall we?
> In this case, however,
> heavy doses of scopolamine were administered along with thiamine, sodium
> luminal, atropine sulfate, sodium pentothal and caffeine sulfate.
CROW: Semolina, ferrous sulfate, niacinamide, thiamine mononitrate and
riboflavin.
MIKE: What drug combination is that?
CROW: Macaroni noodles.
> One
> of the CIA's professional consultants in "H" techniques also questioned
> why hypnosis was attempted "after a long and continuous use of
> chemicals, after the subject had vomited, and after apparently a maximum
> tolerance point had been reached with the chemicals."
MIKE: "Hey, man! I've had enough! I'm telling you, man! I feel sick!"
TOM: Oh, shake it off, you loser.
MIKE: "Oh, man! I feel sick!" [makes upchuck sounds]
CROW: Mike, that's gross!
> Everyone who read
> the interrogation report agreed that hypnosis was useless, if not
> impossible, under such conditions.
CROW: The sight and smell of the regurgitated mess really put the scientists
right off their lunch.
> Nevertheless, the memo concluded by
> reaffirming that "no criticism is intended whatsoever" and that "the
> choice of operating weapons" must be left to the agents in the field.
MIKE: Hey, I don't want to tell you what to do, but -- don't you think he's
had enough?
CROW: No way! I don't care if he threw up all over my bathroom! I'm
hypnotizing in him my parlor game and that's that!
>
> Despite the potential hazards and tenuousness of the procedure as a
> whole, special interrogations were strongly endorsed by Agency
> officials.
MIKE: "May cause dizziness, disorientation and nausea." Sounds good. We'll
have one of those.
> A CIA document dated November 26, 1951, announced:
MIKE: "This document is top secret. Don't read it. That means you."
>
> "We're now convinced that we can maintain a subject in a controlled
> state for a much longer period of time that we heretofore had
> believed possible.
TOM: We plan to enter our subject in the Guinness Book of World Records.
> Furthermore, we feel that by use of certain
> chemicals or combinations, we can, in a very high percentage of
> cases, produce relevant information."
MIKE: Oh, you can make statistics say whatever you want them to.
>
> Although these techniques were still considered experimental, the
> prevailing opinion among members of the special interrogation teams was
> that there had been enough experiments "to justify giving the green
> light to operational use of the techniques."
TOM: Just bypass the FDA! Who gives a rip if it causes problems with
pregnancies later!
> "There will be many a
> failure," a CIA scientist acknowledged,
CROW: [doing an impression] "So, that will be one for the failure's party?"
> but he was quick to stress that
> "very success with this method will be pure gravy."
TOM: Look -- the CIA makes its own gravy.
>
> In an effort to expand its research program, the CIA contacted academics
> and other outside experts who specialized in areas of mutual interest.
MIKE: "So, I hear you're into Playboy magazines. So am I!"
CROW: I must be a bad influence on you.
> Liaison was established with the research sections of police departments
> and criminology laboratories;
TOM: [country hick voice] What we have here, boys, is a failure to
communicate. [spitting noise]
MIKE: Fine, fine. We'll cut you a deal of the drugs, okay officer?
> medical practitioners, professional
> hypnotists, and psychiatrists were brought on as paid consultants, and
> various branches of the military provided assistance.
MIKE: No one was left immune!
> Oftentimes, these
> arrangements involved a cover to conceal the CIA's
CROW: --adiction to illegal drugs.
> interest in behavior
> modification. With the bureaucratic apparatus already in place, the
> CIA's mind control efforts were integrated into a single project under
> the codename BLUEBIRD.
MIKE: I see the CIA had the government mindcontrolled by this point.
> Due to the extreme sensitivity of the project,
TOM: --everyone was told not to tickle it.
> the usual channels for authorization were bypassed -- instead of going
> through the Projects Review Committee, the proposal for BLUEBIRD was
> submitted directly to CIA director Roscoe Hillenkoetter, who authorized
> the use of unvouchered funds to finance the hush-hush undertaking.
TOM: [in whinny nasal voice] Now, look. You can't requisition a B-4-12
without a C-3-13 form. And you must always fill out a G-X-3 with all
requisitions, no matter who's authorizing it, young man!
MIKE: Heck with it! I'm going straight to "Dukes of Hazard"s Roscoe P.
Coaltrain!
> With
> this seal of approval, the CIA's first major drug-testing program was
> officially launched.
CROW: This drug was approved by inspector 12.
> BLUEBIRD was to remained a carefully guarded
> secret, for if word of the program leaked out, it would have been a
> great embarrassment and a detriment to American intelligence.
ALL: AHAHAHAHA!
TOM: Boy, buddy, are YOU ever right!
MIKE: I think project BLUEBIRD proves most government officials have no
intelligence.
> As one
> CIA document put it, BLUEBIRD material was "not fit for public
> consumption."
CROW: It would get all stuck between people's teeth and the dental association
would just have a fit.
>
> From the outset, the CIA's mind control program had an explicit domestic
> angle.
TOM: They wanted to introduce illegal drugs into the homes of American
citizens through the innocent bystanders of gardeners and homemakers.
> A memo dated July 13, 1951, described the Agency's mind-bending
> efforts as "broad and comprehensive, involving both domestic and
> overseas activities, and taking into consideration the programs and
> objectives of other departments, principally the military services."
CROW: But most of all, it created 75 more jobs which is good for the economy.
> BLUEBIRD activities were designed to create as "exploitable alteration
> of personality" in selected individuals; specific targets included
> "potential agents, defectors, refugees, POWs," and a vague category of
> "others."
TOM: Oh, that's specific. "A vague category of 'others.'"
MIKE: It's the government's way of saying et cetera.
> A number of units within the CIA participated in this
> endeavor, including the Inspection and Security Staff (the forerunner of
> the Office of Security), which assumed overall responsibility for
> running the program and dispatching the special interrogation teams.
CROW: Departments in the CIA were clamoring to get a hold of illegal drugs
legally in their own job.
TOM: I'm clamoring to get out. Let's go.
[Door sequence]
[Satellite of Love]
[CROW and TOM are dressed up like doctors. A plate with a suspicious-looking
RAMchip on it sits on the table. MIKE walks in.]
MIKE: Say -- what're you guys doing?
TOM: Ve are doktors!
CROW: Va! Ve are espionage doktors! Ve are studying de effects of drugs on
unsuspecting victims!
[CROW and TOM laugh evilly. GYPSY enters stage left.]
TOM: Vatch and learn, hu-man!
CROW: [sweet voice] Oh Gypsy! Would you like a sweet, buttery, hot-from-the-
oven, delicious RAMchip?
GYPSY: RAMchip! Sure, I'd love a--! [pauses] Wait a minute. Why aren't YOU
having a RAMchip?
TOM: Oh, well, ha ha, you see--
CROW: Tom and I have already HAD our RAMchips....
TOM: Yeah! Heh heh. We kept one just for you!
GYPSY: Really? Gee, thanks! [sniffs RAMchip; looks back at CROW and TOM]
You're not fooling me.
CROW & TOM: We're not?
GYPSY: Nope.
TOM: Gosh, Gypsy, I can't believe it! We finally failed to pull one over on
you!
CROW: [thoughtfully] Yeah. Hu. How 'bout that?
TOM: Welp, back to the drawing board, eh, buddy?
CROW: Guess so....
[TOM and CROW exit together stage left. MIKE walks over to GYPSY and puts a
hand on her head.]
MIKE: I knew you were smarter than you let on, Gypsy.
GYPSY: Yep. They know I only like chocolate-covered RAMchips. Bye! [Exits
stage right.]
[Commercial sign lights flash. MIKE looks at the camera and shrugs.]
[To be continued....]
--
Lisa Jenkins "The goofball approach was not a precision
jen...@mhd1.moorhead.msus.edu science." --Martin A. Lee and Bruce Shlain,
_ACID DREAMS_