MSTied: PC/Console Flame War
Servotron, Destroyer of Worlds
===end===
What do you think, sirs?
Bryan (Servotron, Destroyer of Worlds)
bryan....@co.hennepin.mn.us
Mystery Science Theater 3000, MST3K, all characters, etcetera
are the copyright of Best Brains, Inc. No infringement was intended,
honest. This post should not be construed as an attack per se against
the individuals posting. The thread itself, and Benny Hill, are fair game,
however.
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YES! YES! YES! YES! .....
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Servotron, Destroyer of Worlds
hand at MSTing a post. Be kind, but not -too- kind. :)
==begin==
[Comedy Central voiceover:]
Thanks for watching "A Benny Hill Christmas". We now return to Mystery
Usenet Theater 3000, already in progress.
[interior, SOL bridge]
CROW: Mike, -why- won't you tell us what Londo was using to cheat in
that poker game?
MIKE: Er... maybe when you're older.
TOM: Older!! You're hiding something, Nelson. You've been cagey ever
since Straczynski left rast-b5. This is part of the arc, isn't it?
Confess. Confess! CONFESS!!!
MIKE: Oops, the Vorlon inquisitors are calling...
[Deep 13]
DR. F: Ah, Nelson, feeling frisky? We've got something different planned
for you today...
CROW: The Cultural References Guide to Animaniacs?
TOM: Something from alt.sex.botiality?
MIKE: Don't get your hopes up, guys... alt.WHAT?!
DR. F: Don't you wish. No, no fanfic this time. No spams. Just a little
tidbit culled from a schism in the very foundations of geekdom.
Prepare yourself for... the PC/Console Flame War! Hold onto your
joypads, it's going to be a bumpy ride.
ALL: A Flame War! We've got Usenet sign!!!
[Door sequence]
>FROM: Paul Pavlin <si...@selway.uml.edu
>NEWSGROUPS: comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.action, rec.games.video.misc,
> rec.games.programmer, rec.games.video.3d0,
> rec.games.video.atari, rec.games.video.arcade,
> rec.games.video.nintendo, rec.games.video.sega,
> rec.games.video.sony
CROW: Boy, it's a shame crossposting won't be a demonstration sport at
Atlanta. These guys'd be all over McDonalds cups by now.
>DATE: Thu, 25 Jan 1996 0(;30:28-0700
>ORGANIZATION: University of Montana
MIKE: Oh, a college boy!
>SUBJECT: Consoles can't [DO!] have better graphics than PC's.
CROW: They're even arguing in the -header-? This is gonna hurt...
>Jason wrote:
TOM: Dear Diary: These Argonauts are starting to get on my nerves...
> > >> Philosoma, or any number of PSX games.
MIKE: I pick Philosoma! Oh, wait! PSX Games! Wait! Can I change my answer?
TOM: BZZZT! Sorry, your time is up. You get what's behind Door #3.
> >>If all you want are still shots in hi-res, be happy with your PC.
CROW: And if all you want are buffalo shots in hi-res, you're probably
not PC.
> >>If you want arcade-style
TOM: Arcade-style WHAT? French fries? Crop-tops? Prophyl...er...french
fries?
> > Yeah right. You obviously haven't played the numerous 3D games
> > for the PC,
MIKE: Ooooh, what a burn. You gonna sit there and take that?
> > which on a good DX4, or a P5, will scream....
ALL: AIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
> >even in SVGA modes.
ALL: IIIIN SVGAAAAA MOOOOOOODES!!!!!
> >(scream meaning a good frame rate of 25 fps or higher)
CROW: Oh.... sorry about that.
MIKE: Hope we didn't startle you or anything, it's just that we thought...
TOM: Sssshhh! We might learn something!
>Which games? Lets name all the cool fighting games for PC...
TOM: Master Ninja?
MIKE: Alien Vs. Gingrich?
CROW: Justice League Task Force?
> OMF2097 was good for its time.
MIKE: We will sell no acronym before its time.
CROW: Hey! That's my mom's phone number!
> Doesn't touch anything on PSX.
TOM: The amazing thing is he put that on his resume.
> Actually, why bother expaining this to you. LOOK AT THE GAME SELECTION!
> I work at a software store
CROW: -That- explains a lot.
> and I KNOW what's available.
MIKE: Yeah, you, every Saturday night since 1983.
TOM: Oh, and -we- get too dark, Nelson?
> If you just love Doomalikes
TOM: A Doomalike, A Doomalike, A Doomalike, A Doomalike...
CROW: Weeeeeeeeaweeea, a-weeeum mum-ma-way....
> then PCs are great. I don't even see how you can cling to this point
> about PC graphics being better.
MIKE: Yeah! Nobody on Usenet is stubborn!
> Anybody will tell you that Destruction Derby and Wipeout are better
> on the Playstation. There's no two ways about it.
TOM: Unless you're skinning a cat, in which case, ways abound.
CROW: A-weeeum mum-ma-way?
TOM: No call-backs, Crow, this post is long enough as it is.
> The PSX's graphics are better, no matter what you run those games on.
MIKE: As long as you run them on a PSX, that is... huh?
> FACE FACTS!
ALL: Aaah! Don't do that!
> For arcade-style games, consoles are IT.
TOM: By Steven King.
CROW: With Jimmy Smits.
> PCs have the advantage in flexibility (you can add extra doom wads, etc)
CROW: Mike, what's a doomwad?
TOM: Is it anything like a dickweed?
>, and are better for complex sims and trategy titles, but next-gen systems
MIKE (falsetto): Trategy! When the feelings gone, and you can't go on...
> have much smoother 3D graphics, are easier to use, and have more support
> (in arcade/action games).
> Example:
TOM: Ah. For a moment there I thought his argument would be unsupported...
>SFAlpha is coming out for the PSX in 2 weeks. Where's the PC version?
TOM: Szechuan Food Alpha?
MIKE: No, I think it's Sticky Feet Alpha...
>> >>gaming with no installation hassls, get a console. What you seem to
>> >>be missing is that almost all of the console owners you're addressing
>> >>also have PC's.
CROW: What about lives?
>> Ohhhhhhhh reallly? Really? Your dad's 386 maybe?
TOM: And here's where the debate takes an almost Lincolnian tern...
>Is a 386 a PC? Yes, it is.
CROW: Can you say 386? I knew you could...
> I'm writing this on a 486DX66, which does what I
> need it to do, what most people use their PCs for.
TOM: Making Gates richer?
CROW: Didn't Gates Richer play Dr. Crusher?
>I have a PSX for games because the games are BETTER,
MIKE: Captain Truism rides again!
> even though I could buy one of the many different 3D accelerators
> out there and a Pentium upgrade, why bother?
CROW: Oh, yeah, on that software store salary.
MIKE: You know, if more people on this thread had said "why bother?", we
wouldn't be here now?
TOM: Uh, Mike, "don't get your hopes up," remember?
CROW: Uh, Tom, "no callbacks", remember?
>I have a dozen games for the PSX that are mostly unmatched by anything on the
>PC, Pentium or not.
MIKE: "Mostly unmatched?" Them's fightin' words, boy!
>> >>C'mon, how else do you think they're on the internet?!
>> >>Obviously, there's a good reason why PC owners buy consoles (and I'm
>> >>one of them.
CROW: -He's- the good reason? Dream on...
MIKE: You know that's on Comedy Central now.
CROW: Well, Benny Hill died, someone had to pick up the gauntlet.
>> So, define your PC.....386 maybe? 286? Z80?
>> >>Sounds like jealousy...
>> Not a chance........
TOM: Now THAT'S the kind of debate I read Usenet for.
>Well, why don't you explain the emotion that has so impaired your logic that
MIKE (Dee Kelly voice): You and your vaunted Video logic, Spock!
>you can't compare benchmark games (DDerby, Wipeout, FIFA 96), and game
>selection (original and arcade games steadily flowing
TOM: Like a vast river through the heartland of America...
> in for PSX while everybody on this groups holds their breath for DN3D),
ALL: ::deep breath, held, sputter sputter sputter::
> and realize that the PSX is a better game machine? PC's are better, just
> because of what you can do with them, but it can't compete in the game category.
CROW: Admit I'm right! Admit I'm right!
>Siv
> >YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
> >YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
> >YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
> >YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
> >YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
> >YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
> >YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
> >YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
> >YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
> >YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
> >YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
> >YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
> >YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
> >YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
> >YES!
MIKE: Waiter, I'll have what -he's- having.
CROW: A seizure?
> >YOU TELL 'EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> Um. Grow up. Then, get a clue. Consoles suck. PC's are superior, that's that.
MIKE: Oh. I guess that settles it then. Let's get out of here.
[Door Sequence]
[SOL Bridge. A computer is on the (camera) left side of the desk. A TV is
on the right. Crow is typing away furiously, while Tom appears to be
fiddling with the back of the set.
CROW: Edit CONFIG.SYS... hey, Tommy boy, just let me get this memory
configured and we'll settle this once and for all. PC's rule.
TOM: Oh yeah, Beaks? Wait 'til you see the awesome polygon-handling
power of this baby... let's see, audio in, video in, there!
CROW: Oh, heck. Booted into OS/2 by mistake. Hold on...
TOM: OK, let's see what best to blow your golden socks off with... Street
Fighter, Street Driver, Virtual Fighter, Virtual Driver, Battle
Arena, Driving Arena, Power Punch, Power Gears...
CROW: Hah! Any second now, you'll be seeing some real strategy, flight,
and role-playing games. And hearing 'em, too, if I picked the
right IRQ for my sound card...
GYPSY (offstage): Hey! Mousetrap!
TOM & CROW: Mousetrap! Cool! (exit stage left)
[Commercial Sign light blinks]
MAGIC VOICE: I always liked Yar's Revenge, myself. Commercial sign now.
[Planet logo]