MSTed: My Conversion From Islam To Christianity
Jess Nevins
MSTed: My Conversion from Islam to Christianity, by Islam Jesus
My Conversion from Islam to Christianity
Crow (Gumby voice): A...SHORT...PO-EM....BY J....P....GUMBY!
I am Timothy Abraham
Mike: (singing) Jingleheimer Schmidt!
Tom & Crow: (singing, in unison) La la la la la la la....
(this is my Christian alias),
Tom: All Christians' names were changed to protect the innocent.
a simple Egyptian
Crow: _Very_ simple.
from the Delta region.
Mike: And believe me, after her show got cancelled and she was home all
day, just her and the refrigerator, Delta had quite a region to choose
from.
Farms surrounded me from every side
Tom: For I was a cow.
with streams of the luxurious Nile river endowing life with fertility.
Crow: As opposed to that life which is lacking in fertility.
I had a strong Islamic upbringing in my childhood,
Mike: So he had his hand chopped off for taking an extra serving of
hummus?
studying in the village shop for teaching the Quran (al-Kutaab).
Tom: Good old Al Kutaab. He was the best second basemen the White Sox
ever had.
Crow: No, no, he's talking about Al Katraz!
Tom: The Big House is a mosque?
They taught me to fear God
Crow: Because no one else can average an eagle on each hole.
(Allah in Arabic)
Mike (Frugal Gourmet): And then you serve Allah in aspic with a nice
light white wine, and--
Tom (sotto voce): *Ar*abic, Mike, Arabic!
Mike: Oh. Sorry.
who created the Heaven and the earth in six days.
Tom: Teamsters coulda done it in five, pally.
There was not a single reason to doubt a religion which emphasized
fearing God,
Crow: Except for that little part about lack of historical evidence.
doing good work and living a moral life.
Mike: And when you find me a religion which emphasizes those things,
I'll
worship it.
The recitation of the Quran was meant to produce
Tom: A deep and lasting desire for permanent deafness?
a sense of tranquillity. I enjoyed the Sufi circle
Crow: HEY!
of worship,
Crow: Oh. *whew*
as they adored the person of Muhammad. This was Abu-al-azayem's group.
Mike (Gen-X/surfer voice): Yeah, but then Abu had to go off with his
chick, right, and he kept missing rehearsal, the dink, and finally we
had to break up. What a dickweed.
I was searching for more closeness with Allah Almighty.
Tom: I don't really want to hear about that part.
One evening around 7:00 p.m.
Crow: The nurses had finished giving me my shots.
in al-Mahatta
Mike: Al-Mahatta!
Tom: Al-MaFadda!
Crow: Here I am at--
Mike: Camp Grenada!
mosque, having finished praying al-Maghrib prayer,
Tom (John Cleese): What percentage of people were neither al-Maghrib
nor Alma Coogan?
I was introduced to
Crow: Electroshock therapy for the very first time.
Muhammad Imam and Sulleiman Kahwash. They were vitally influential
Tom (singing): Cause we're working at the Kahwash, yeah!
in incorporating me into their group The Islam Brotherhood
-- i.e. al-Ikhwan al-Muslimin.
Crow: I remember when the al-Ikhwan Shuffle was all the rage after
scoring a touchdown.
They encouraged me to be a devout Muslim and fast on Monday and Thursday
Mike: But really slow on Tuesday and Friday.
of every week and break the fast with them in the mosque where we ate
bread,
cheese, palm dates (tamr), and delicious salad.
Tom: Oh, yuch - and then suffered from horrible camel flatulence.
I diligently imitated every thing the Prophet Muhammad did,
Crow (hopefully): Including dying?
even the sitting posture of the Prophet as he was eating. They were so
kind to me.
Mike: They didn't snicker-snag on me like the other kids did.
They also saw in me the potential of being an eloquent speaker.
Tom: Which they quickly extinquished.
Therefore, Sulleiman Hashem,
Crow (singing): Don't pay Sulleiman! Don't even ask his price!
Tom: Hey! That's my shtick!
the leader at the time, approached me gently, Ibrahim, you are called by
the
Quran's teaching to
Mike: To wear a dress. I don't know why, but that's what the Quran
says.
proclaim the message of Islam da'awah.
Tom: Islam duh-wah?
Crow: I think Islam is a bit more eloquent than that.
My Allah!
Crow: Didn't the Knack do that song?
I pondered.
Mike: Weak and weary.
Tom: Over many a lost and forgotten scroll?
I am just 14 years old and I am easily intimidated.
Tom (PSA announcer's voice): Ibrahim has a problem. He's intimidated by
*those* feelings downstairs.
Nevertheless, Sulleiman gave me a stack of books to study in preparation
for the sermon I was to deliver the next day. From then on, it became
customary for me to preach a sermon on the first Monday of every lunar
month.
Crow (sarcastic voice): Oh, *please*, wise 14-year-old teenager, tell
us
*more* about how wise you are and how stupid the rest of us adults are.
I was filled with zeal as my leaders had arranged for me to go
across the neighboring towns, preaching from mosque to mosque. I
zealously
wanted everyone to follow the Tradition of the Prophet Muhammad, and
subsequently, my sister had no choice but to obey my Quranic command and
wear the veil which indicated modesty. I needed my father's approval.
Mike: Unfortunately, Papa was a rolling stone....
I wondered if he had ever heard his son, the 14 year old Muslim
evangelist
preach. To my astonishment my father was sharply criticized by people
for
having a son who was now a fanatic.
Tom: In Egypt? Naaah.
My father became wrathful over my Islamic radicalism and thoughtlessly
punched me in the teeth.
Crow: So Ibrahim's last name is Crosby?
Today my front tooth is a fake one. It reminds me of my former
perseverance to
the
point of death to be
Mike: As annoying as humanly possible.
a zealous Muslim fundamentalist and my willingness to
be persecuted for my commitment. My father burnt my Sunni (mostly wahabi
and salafi) Islamic library.
Tom (singing): Sunni day, chasing the, Shiites a-way.
I was never daunted by any of this and continued to preach Islam
everyday
in the morning parade (taboor as-sabah) as well as in every mosque where
I
went to teach. It never occurred to me for a second that Islam could be
wrong.
Crow: Despite the part about killing the unbelievers.
In my pursuit to propagate Islam everywhere, a magazine came into
my hands which had pen pal addresses from the United States. I chose one
at random and wrote, hoping to convert the man into Islam. I wrote to
John
from Pennsylvania, USA
Mike: Oh, yeah - John - I knew that guy!
back and forth for two years, each trying to convert the other. I read
every book I
could get hold of to refute the Bible. To make things worse, I had no
respect for
the Bible as I put my feet and shoes on it
Tom: Well, Thom McCann does make a nice pair of Bible wingtips.
since the Quran taught me it was corrupt.
Crow: Remember, there are no bad students, only bad teachers.
Then John surprised me by coming to visit me in my village.
Mike: Especially since the judge had just approved the restraining
order.
That was the first time I saw a real Christian.
Tom: Except for the ones in our local zoo.
His sincerity, frankness, genuineness, and openness impressed me.
Crow: That, and his ability to drink and entire quart of beer in under
10
seconds.
John stayed with me for two months.
Tom: Dear Journal of Biblical Studies: I'm a 30-year-old fanatic, and I
never thought any of your stories were true until one day.....
He had an amazing prayer life which served as a model for me in my
latter life. I
did not know that Christians prayed until I saw a living epistle
Crow: So he got a visit from Letter Man?
right in the middle of my house, a man from a far off land
Mike: Who said, "Two vast and trunkless legs..."
who became one of us and genuinely incarnated the love of Christ.
John had an amazing prayer life, for he prayed more than he talked,
speaking the words of the Bible.I became jealous of John's intimacy
with God
Tom: That God is *such* a slut.
and increased my recitations of the Quran.
Crow: Tell me you got punched in the teeth again? Please?
The Quran presents a god who is on the look out for ways of tormenting
his
slaves.
Mike: Good thing we never see _that_ in the Bible.
A Muslim may do as many good works as possible in this world
Tom: But who'd know?
and on the Day of Judgment God weighs the deeds of every individual in a
balance.
Crow: So God is like a crack dealer?
The good deeds will be placed in one pan of the balance, and
the evil deeds in the other.
Mike: Now, where did that leave Jan?
If the good deeds are heavier, then the believer will go to the paradise
described in Quran as a place of sexual pleasure and frolicking with the
wide-eyed huris (sura al-Waqia 56:20-23).
Crow: Saaaaaaaaay!
Tom: We may have to start paying attention!
However, Christ our Lord said
Tom: That dirty thoughts like that send you straight to Hell without
any
supper.
For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage,
but are like
angels of God in heaven (Matthew 22:30).
Crow: So what he's saying is that the angels of God are really
frustrated
bachelors?
My Muslim friend, according to Islam, if your evil deeds are
heavier, you will be cast into the fires of hell.
Mike (Minnesotan voice): Oh, yah, `round about December dat sure
sounds good to me.
It looks like you would need to be only fifty-one percent good to get
into paradise.
Tom (Crazy Eddy voice): It's ccaaaraaaaaazzzzyyyy days here at
Paradise!
We'll let you in for only FIFty-one percent!
Yet you remain absolutely unsure whether or not you are going to heaven.
Crow: We are sure, though, that Dick Morris won't be there.
All you say, my Muslim friend, is,
Mike: Give peace a chance?
Only God Knows!
Tom: Well, them and L. Ron Hubbard.
You hope for the mercy of Allah and
Crow: Spahn or Sain?
hope that the angels or the Prophet will intercede
for you in the last day, so you will be saved from Hell.
Mike: What you call Hell, Islam Jesus calls home.
I was like you my Muslim sister or brother, right in the same boat until
Tom: Hitchcock decided William Bendix was a better actor than I was.
I knew that you can be absolutely sure of going to Heaven.
Crow: If you just take that left turn at Albuquerque.
Tears well up in my eyes just to recall
Mike: Not being able to get my money back after I saw _Liar, Liar_.
how lost I was and now that I am found. While trembling in tears,
seeing the majesty of God, I rejoice to know that I have eternal
life for certain.
Tom: I wish we could have sent this to the Heaven's Gate people.
God in the Bible is both just and merciful.
Crow: Yeah, but he never calls his mother.
His justice requires that everyone be punished in Hell, for He is
perfect 100
percent.
Mike: Oh yeah? Well my God is perfect googleplex percent!
No matter how hard we try to please God, we always fall short of His
perfection.
Tom: And this is supposed to make us _want_ to be Christians?
Our good works will not bring us closer to God.
Crow: Only the money we give to the Pope will do that.
God saw our insufficiency, and decided to pay the penalty Himself.
Mike: Now _that's_ picking up the check!
Tom: Oh, you stole that from Bill Maher.
He sent His Word Isa Al Masih
Tom: I think that's actually three words, Islam Jesus.
(Jesus Christ), who is absolutely sinless and faultless to carry the
punishment
of our sins on the cross.
Crow: And a _real_ snappy dresser.
What can you say to the Judge
Mike (singing): I can't drive, 55!
Tom: Mike, I must insist that you never do that again.
when He chooses to pay your penalty for you?
Tom: Tell Him you'll buy His next round?
The Bible says in John 3:16 For God so loved
Crow (singing): Me, this I know - because the Bible tells me so.
the world that he gave His only Son,
Mike: Primogeniture at work in today's society.
so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting
life.
Tom: And a very generous 401K.
It is because God loves us that He
Crow: Inflicts the Spice Girls on us. God believes in Tough Love.
sent His Word, Jesus Christ, to die for us. Islam never grants us the
assurance of going to Heaven, but Christ absolutely does!
Mike: (huckster voice) For only a low low LOW down payment of $19.95!
Praise God! Thank you, my Lord, for sovereignly choosing to pay the
price Yourself in the Person of Your incarnate Word, the Lord Jesus
Christ, Who is the
express revelation of the nature of Allah Almighty.
After John left, his influence stayed.
Tom: If ya know what I mean...
Mike: Ewww.
I thought I would depress John by saying, John, your visit made me
Crow: Want to kill myself.
a stronger Muslim in the faith and do not try to convert Muslims
anymore.
Mike: Words to live by, Islam Jesus.
Yet John prevailed in his supplication
Tom: John prevailed by suppurating? Oh, gross!
and prayers. His intercessory prayer moved to LORD to wake me
up in the middle of the night
Crow: By playing Stryper songs _really_ loud.
as I had no sleep or rest. Inner conflict reached its zenith.
Mike: Is he saying that cognitive dissonance is brand of television?
Restless, I reached out to my Bible and opened it at random.
Tom: As opposed to the dog-eared pages of the Song of Solomon.
I found, Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?
Crow: Am I a clown? Do I amuse you?
I remember one day in the heat of a debate between me and John, I
Mike: Pulled his pants down, pointed and laughed.
made fun of the Bible and said, John, your Bible is the most absurd
thing!
Tom: I mean, just look at the illustrations! Who drew this, Rob
Liefeld?
How can you believe the story of Saul who became Paul, the servant of
the Gospel? John said, The story is true, and that is why I am patient
with you.
Crow: It's true, just `cause.
Tom: Like the story of Elisha and two she bears.
You will be another Paul one day!
Mike: I'd settle for just being another Ringo, myself.
I replied, John,
Tom (David Bowie): I'm only dancing.
you must be out of your mind
Crow: Gee, y'think?
to think for a second that I could leave the religion of all religions,
Mike: Mammon.
Islam!
Tom: And then I piledriver!
Reflecting on Saul, Saul ... I said Lord!
Crow: WHAT?
Me?
Mike: Yes - you!
Me persecute You?
Tom: Islam Jesus, you persecute anyone who has to read this.
I did nothing to You in person ... I remember I turned in a female
medical
student to the police ...
Crow: Now I _really_ don't like him.
but I did nothing to You. Is it true that He who touched
Mike: I don't really want to hear this.
one of Your people touches the apple of Your eye?
Tom: The apple...is that a rod or cone?
Islam denies the crucifixion of the Lord Jesus Christ because
Crow (fey): The cross is *so* tacky!
the Quran intended to deprive the Jew of the victory they claimed was
their in
Jesus' death. The Quran asserts that
Mike: Eating Play-Do is good for you.
God put somebody who looked like Him on the cross in the place of Jesus.
Tom: Now, if God had put, say, Robby Alomar Jr there, we'd all have
been
happy.
Now my Muslim friends, God is not in the business of fraud,
Crow: *cough cough* Abraham sacrificing his son *cough cough*
for if he had wanted to deliver Jesus from the cross,
Mike: He'd have sent the Judean People's Front to take care of it.
He could have done it miraculously without having to deceive and
put Jesus' likeness on someone else. This Quranic error is too blatant,
and proves that the Quran has no divine origin.
Tom: And that Islams are doo-doo heads and stinkybutts, and that only
Christians are perfect and forgiven.
What is more, the Quran is self-contradicting,
Crow: What a relief _that_ never happens in the New Testament!
for while it claims that the Jews did not really kill
Jesus it also affirms very distinctly the reality of Jesus' death in the
sura of the family of Imran 3:47/54 - 48/55 as it states:
When God said: OH JESUS,
Mike: I think I saw this in a porn movie once.
I SHALL CAUSE YOU TO DIE,
Tom (God): FOR YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ADAM SANDLER.
AND THEN I SHALL RAISE YOU UP TO ME.
Crow: And dunk you like a fat pink basketball.
My Muslim friend, my goal is not here to proselytize you,
Mike: Coulda fooled me.
but to raise the ultimate questions,
Tom: How many buns make five?
Crow: Who was that masked man?
Mike: Why do birds sing?
Tom: Is she really going out with him?
Crow: Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in
love
with?
Who is Christ?
Crow: What, does Islam Jesus think he's playing Jeopardy now?
Was he crucified?
Mike: Nah, he just went to Florida for Spring Break.
And how does this affect you?
Tom snores.
If the whole history of humanity revolves around Christ,
Crow: Then an awful lot of people are going to be very surprised.
then my entire life and existence should revolve around Him too.
Mike: So Christ is a black hole?
Denying the cross of Christ is contradicting history itself.
Tom: Is Islam Jesus' last name "Von Daniken?"
Muhammad himself is claimed in the Quran to have been urged, by God, to
Crow: Just shut up about Me already.
refer to the People of the Book
Mike: He's talking about Anne Rice's fans, isn't he?
(the Jews and the Christians) is he in doubt concerning the Quran?:
Tom: This is making me root for another Crusade - one the Christians
will
lose.
And if thou (Muhammad) art in doubt concerning that which we reveal unto
thee, then ask those who read the Scripture (that was) before thee. Sura
Yunus 10:95
Crow: I love that bit on the Don Yunus show with Richard Nixon.
For the first time in my life, I began asking the question why?
Mike: (Islam Jesus voice) Is everybody picking on me?
and challenged everything I took for granted. All postulates were
critically
examined.
Tom: Except for patriarchy's role in Arab society, apparently.
This got me into trouble in an authoritarian society.
Crow: If Islam Jesus compares himself to Rushdie I'm leaving.
Questions, they say, fly in the face of Allah. Obey. That is All. In the
Islamic
Brotherhood, our motto was samaana wa ataana
Mike: Isn't that Hawaiian for "Bite me?"
i.e. we have heard and obeyed.
After years of study, I came to two logical conclusions:
Tom: I had my head up my--
Mike: Tom....
The Bible is the inerrant Word of God, and Jesus is the Word of God.
Crow: I thought everybody knew that the bird was the word.
Tom: `cept Lakers fans.
I began to see it was possible for Jesus to be God. Intellectually, I
accepted all the
claims of the Christian faith, but in my heart I still feared being
struck dead for
calling the Almighty God My Father. I needed a miracle!
Mike: (singing) All I need is a miracle, all I need is you....
Tom and Crow jump Mike and pummel him mercilessly.
The Bible teaches us that no one can say,
Tom: Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Jesus is Lord except by the Holy Spirit
Crow: Southern Comfort?
(1 Corinthians 12:3). No wonder every Salvation experience is
Mike: Like passing a kumquat-sized kidney stone.
one of a miracle of birth out of death into eternal life!
Tom: Accompanied by the afterbirth of the Holy Ghost.
From the depth of my heart,
Crow: Two inches.
in the midst of inner conflict, I cried out to Allah, even in the
mosque, Lord,
Mike: Why do Bob Saget and Shaquille O'Neal prosper? Why, Lord,
why???
show me the truth! Is it Jesus or Muhammad?
Tom: Thomas or Belle? Malone or Jordan? Labour or Tory?
Crow: Mailer or Capote? Buckley or Vidal?
Could it be that You are my Father?
Crow: (Vader voice) Islam Jesus, join me and together we can rule the
universe!
Show me the truth,
Mike: I call no _Jerry Maguire_ refs double infinity plus one!
Tom: Awww......
and the truth you lead me to I will serve all my life whatever the cost
may be! I
burst into tears
Tom: Because I'm a femme.
since I knew the cost could be outrageously too high
Crow: So he's a TCI customer?
for a weak, thin person like me. For how could I afford to be cast out
of my family
and sleep on the streets like a homeless person?
Mike: Oh please oh please!
Tom: Just grant me this one wish, Lord, that's all I ask.
And what if my leaders in the Islamic Brotherhood would find out about
me?
Tom: We get to go home early?
And what if they, in their Islamic righteously and zeal, rush on to
defend Islam and
kill me?
Crow: A Western stereotype will be reinforced.
According to the Islamic religion, an apostate should be given a three
day
opportunity to recant, and after that the infidel's blood is
legitimately shed in the
name of Allah!
Mike: Man, that's a tough overdue policy.
The words of the Prophet Muhammad
Tom: (singing) were written on the subway walls....
kept ringing in my ear, Any person (i.e. Muslim) who has changed his
religion, kill
him.
Crow: Would that include Muhammed himself?
This tradition has been narrated by AbuBakr, Uthman, Ali, Muadhibn
Jabal, and
Khalid ibn Walid. Yet I persisted in asking God to guide me.
Guide me, O Thou great Jehovah, pilgrim through this barren land; I am
weak, but
Thou art mighty.
One night Christ appeared to me in a dream
Mike: Uh-oh....
and said with a tender sweet voice, I love you!
Tom: Dial 1-900-HOT-GOD!
I saw how obstinately I had resisted Him all these years and said to Him
in tear,
Crow: *Yes*, I will be Mrs. God.
I love You, too! I know You! You are eternal for ever and ever.
Mike: Only a guy would say that about himself.
I woke up with tears all over my face filled with abundant joy,
believing that Christ
Himself touched both my mind and my heart,
Tom: Bad touch, Oh Lord.
and I yielded. I was filled with great passion for Christ, jumping up
and down,
singing praises to His name and talking to Him day and night.
Crow: Which is why I'm under such heavy sedation.
I would not even sleep without God's inerrant Word, the Bible, next to
my chest.
Mike: Some people have their teddy bears, but only the Bible will do
for
Islam Jesus.
I experienced what a spoiled child of God would: God would give me
anything I
ask for in prayer. But then the Lord wanted me to love Him and worship
Him for
His own sake, not for what I get from Him.
Tom: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, right, fellas?
I tried to keep my faith secret and so was baptized secretly in a
pastor's house.
Crow: Euphemisms, euphemisms....
Filled with the joy of salvation I could not hide or deny Christ
anymore. Therefore,
when my childhood friend asked me if Christ was crucified,
Mike: Well, he got bad press, sure, but I don't know about
"crucified"....
I answered, Yes! and explained why. He prayed with me to receive Christ.
He was
shaking and perspiring every time he prayed with me.
Tom: (desperate) I just need a little grace, Lord, just a little grace,
c'mon,
fix me up, Lord.
He could see how mighty the name of our Lord Jesus was. My former
leaders in
the Islamic fanatical group, desiring to know who the spearhead was,
Crow: That would be Winston Rodney.
Mike: Cool runnings, mon.
Tom: Irie.
threatened to kill him if he would not tell them everything about my
evangelism.
Sadly, he betrayed me
Mike: I like him already.
and I was beaten up in front of the mosque where I had formerly preached
Islam
zealously.
Tom: A beating accompanied by the cheers of the mosque's regulars.
In their sight I was a blasphemous infidel who deserved to be killed
unless I would
recant.
Crow: And in our sight he deserved to die for being so annoying.
They regarded my conversion as the most horrendous form of desecrating
Islam
and the Quran.
Mike: So Islam Jesus Timothy Abraham is Egypt's answer to Divine?
Since my secret conversion was now made public and Muslims plotted to
kill me, I
had to flee. I was hunted by Muslims from my village in the Delta,
Tom: No wonder they were so cranky - Louisiana got Robert Johnson, and
Egypt got this bozo. Egypt definitely got the lesser of the two Deltas.
to Ismalia until I arrived Cairo where my Christian friends lived. Yet
Christians
were not willing to shelter me
Crow: In Christianity's first act of good taste since redecorating the
Vatican in 1642.
and I had to go back to the village, seeking refuge in His protective
hands.
Mike: So God's an Allstate agent?
I came back from Cairo and found an angry mob of Muslims filling up our
house.
My mother was wearing the garment of mourning, dressed in black
Tom: He comes from a family of Goths?
as is the custom in Egypt. Muslim women yelled at me, Your mother
doesn't
deserve all this from you. Why cause her all this grief?
Crow: So he was a Muslim, but his Mom's friends were Jewish?
Another woman lamented, Poor mother! Here son left her for the Christian
infidels. If I were her, I would kill my son for running after the
infidels like a dog.
Mike: Sniffing their crotches, rubbing up against their legs - that
sort of
thing.
I received a letter from a friend in Jordan who reported that my father
was walking
down the streets in Jordan weeping bitterly as Muslim laborers there
reproached
him severely. He stayed sick in bed for a month because of this until he
and I
talked on the phone.
It is absolutely unforgettable that outraged Muslims broke into our
house
barbarically.
Tom: Oh, Christians would >never< do that *cough cough* Crusades
*cough cough*
My mother knelt down at the feet of our neighbor Sayed begging him to
spare my
life and kill her instead. In such indescribable agony, my mother
disowned and
disinherited me before all people in my village. I love my mother more
dearly than
any person in this world, but no human power, regardless of how gigantic
it is,
Crow: Not even Milton Berle.
can separate me from the love of Christ. I will always live for Jesus.
My Bible, all my Christian books, and music tapes
Mike (Slacker voice): They even took my Nirvana tapes, the jerks.
were confiscated and burnt. I decided to flee from the Delta region to
Cairo. Even
though the police were tracking me down, the Lord blinded their eyes
Mike: (singing) Blinded by the light, tied up like a--
Tom and Crow pummel Mike.
Tom: Mike, what do we say?
Mike: (snivelling) Sorry....
and protected me. In Cairo, I was hiding at Nounir's,
Mike, Tom & Crow: (Caddyshack voice) Nounir! Nounir! Nounir!
Tom: Does this mean Islam Jesus enjoyed a Nounir with his wife?
an Egyptian Baptist friend who was comforting me all the time.
Tom: Bow-chicka-bow-bowwwww.....
I broke down when he read,
Crow: _Old Yeller_?
So they departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they
were
counted worthy to suffer shame for His name (Acts 5:41)
Mike: Ah, Microsoft employees.
I am grateful to God for
Tom: Not making me into a Texan.
providing this Baptist friend who discipled me,
Crow: So Islam Jesus is into b-and-d?
Tom: Yeah - bondage and Deuteronomy.
teaching me to live a victorious life rich in worship and thanksgiving.
He gave me a
pocket Arabic New Testament and told me frankly
Mike: Mr. Shankley?
that his parents were afraid that if they continued to hide me they
would be in jail
forever.
Tom: Oh, now, see, that wouldn't have been a problem if he'd been a
member of the Clinton staff.
I had nowhere to go.
Crow: Except Ennet House.
So, upon the advice of my secret pastor,
Mike: I thought that was Theroux's best book, myself.
I went back to the village, hiding the Arabic New Testament in my socks,
Tom: What, does he have size 82 feet? Is his name Bob McAdoo?
praying that it would not fall out.
Crow: I think we all know what he's _really_ talking about here.
I was eventually arrested and released repeatedly. I learned what it
means to have
God as my only Hiding Place.
Mike: How do you hide inside of God?
Tom: Cut Him open, empty Him out, and draw His hide around you?
In prison, my Savior knows I have come to experience true peace.
Tom: As the wife of "Bubba" al-Rajim.
I was not shaken because I saw Christ in prison, not myself.
Crow: Yeah - Jesus is doing a nickel in Attica for b-and-e.
I sang songs of joy in the midst of tears, anticipating the shining
Morning Star to come and deliver me. I decided to hide the Bible in a
place where the police could
not confiscate it
Mike: Ewww!
-- in my heart
Tom: *whew*
by memorizing it. I have since made it a habit to sleep with my Bible by
my side.
Five years later, I managed to flee Muslims' attempts to kill me
Crow: Damn it, Mike, why can't _one_ of these stories have a happy
ending!
and I was shocked to find out that there are some professing Christians
in
American who attack the inerrancy of the Bible for which I was willing
to die.
What a scandalous thing!
Mike: You mean, some people doubt the validity of a book written by
committee thousands of years ago?
Steven Thorpe a.k.a. thor
In article <337615...@ix.netcom.com>
Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> writes:
>>>very funny MiSTing snipped<<<
> Tom: Dear Journal of Biblical Studies: I'm a 30-year-old fanatic, and
>I never thought any of your stories were true until one day.....
> Mike: You mean, some people doubt the validity of a book written by
>committee thousands of years ago?
Steven Thorpe a.k.a. thor
Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> writes:
>Steven Thorpe a.k.a. thor wrote:
>> Jess Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> writes:
>> >>>very funny MiSTing snipped<<<
>> > Tom: Dear Journal of Biblical Studies: I'm a 30-year-old fanatic, and
>> >I never thought any of your stories were true until one day.....
I think we should have some kind of auto-bot send this to pyramid scam
spammers just to confuse the hell outta them.
But as far as our friend Islam Jesus is concerned, jess, mailing this to
him will only hasten the confirmation of your reserved seat aboard that
old Hell-Bound Train.
>> > Mike: You mean, some people doubt the validity of a book written by
>> >committee thousands of years ago?
>*shrug* Me, I put my faith in Dr. Seuss. But what do I know?
>jess
Well -- I "don't believe in Beatles," and *that* seems to get me through
the working week.
--thor
Phil Mueller
in message <337615...@ix.netcom.com>, someone claiming to be Jess
Nevins <jjne...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>MSTed: My Conversion from Islam to Christianity, by Islam Jesus
>...
>
>Therefore, Sulleiman Hashem,
>
> Crow (singing): Don't pay Sulleiman! Don't even ask his price!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Actually, jess, the line is "...fix a price!"
Yes, I am embarrassed to know that. And you should be embarrassed to know
someone who knows that.
>...
>Yet John prevailed in his supplication
>
> Tom: John prevailed by suppurating? Oh, gross!
Crow: Oh, you made that word up!
>...
>show me the truth! Is it Jesus or Muhammad?
>
> Tom: Thomas or Belle? Malone or Jordan? Labour or Tory?
> Crow: Mailer or Capote? Buckley or Vidal?
Mike: Stuffing or potatoes?
Tom: Tastes great or less filling?
>...
>and I was shocked to find out that there are some professing Christians
>in American who attack the inerrancy of the Bible for which I was
>willing to die.
>What a scandalous thing!
>
> Mike: You mean, some people doubt the validity of a book written by
>committee thousands of years ago?
jess, the article ends right here. Is this what you intended, or is there
an error somewhere?
ObMakeJessEnvious: I picked up a copy of KMFDM's original _Naive_ at a
used CD store last week.
--
Phil "Sparky" Mueller remove "nospam." if replying by email
Note: This article does not necessarily reflect the views of Sparky Mueller.
Jess Nevins
Steven Thorpe a.k.a. thor wrote:
>
Thanks!
> > Tom: Dear Journal of Biblical Studies: I'm a 30-year-old fanatic, and
> >I never thought any of your stories were true until one day.....
>
>
> Please make the pain stop, O my Lord. For I am *still* laughing . . .
I know - it hurts, it hurts....d'you think I should mail this to him?
> > Mike: You mean, some people doubt the validity of a book written by
> >committee thousands of years ago?
>
Mike Sphar
Did Ancient Astronauts named nospam....@sprynet.com (Phil Mueller)
once write the following? Read the book:
>> Crow (singing): Don't pay Sulleiman! Don't even ask his price!
>Actually, jess, the line is "...fix a price!"
>
>Yes, I am embarrassed to know that. And you should be embarrassed to know
>someone who knows that.
Then you should be mortified to know someone who actually has "The Getaway"
in his car's CD changer...
(Along with Less than Jake, Webb Wilder, Sisters of Mercy, Clowns in the
Sky, The Young Dubliners, and Professor Longhair, but still...)
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Mikey "Dreamy" Sphar mailto:mi...@matches.com
Casa de Miguelito is BACK at http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Sands/5882
Powerful like a gorilla, but soft and yielding like a nerf ball
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