MiSTed: "Away From Home, Book 2" (2/2)

[Mike Barklage]

MiSTed: "Away From Home, Book 2: The Away Mission"

----
CONTINUED FROM PART 1
----

6...5...4...3...2...1...*...

[They enter the theater.]

TOM: Babearlon 5, indeed.

> On the Red Bridge of the Trakce ship, the Captain was sitting in
> his chair in the aft port corner of the bridge.

TOM: Hey, can't a guy have a little privacy here?

> In the front of the
> room two officers manned a console going from wall to wall. The Captain
> wore two red ribbons. The left one wore a red and a green ribbon. The
> right Trakce wore a red and a blue ribbon.

CROW: You know, Stephen, we just DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FRIGGIN' RIBBONS
ANYMORE!!
MIKE: Hey, calm down, Crow.

> The Bridge also boasted a brig in the starboard aft corner.

TOM: Ah. The ship was designed by committee, I see.
CROW: Think of all the heckling the captain must get.

> Suddenly the door opened up. The Starfleet Officers burst into
> the room. "Hands up," Marrissa ordered her phaser pointing at the
> leader.

MIKE: <Eliot Ness> I got you now, Capone!

> The Trakce hands went toward the ceiling. "Now slowly back
> away from those consoles."

TOM: Now do the hokey-pokey and turn yourself around.

> When all the Trakce were out of reach of the consoles Marrissa
> ordered, "Ensign Lochard search them."

CROW: And be careful, they're sensitive. Itching powder kills them.

> Ross Lochard approached the seven foot tall alien. Holstering
> his phaser, he began patting him down.

MIKE: <Ross> Say, do you work out?

> From the alien's back he removed a sword.

TOM: ...and gave it back to the guy who'd stabbed him.
CROW: There can be only one.

> On his waist three spikes of some type were removed.

MIKE: And his pants were headed for the floor!

> The same process was repeated for both of the other Trakce.
> "Now that you gentlemen have been disarmed, I'd like you to take
> a seat over there in your bridge brig," Marrissa Picard said.

TOM: Sure, the bridge brig was a bad idea, but it does save on set design.

> "Please
> go slowly and remember that all of the Starfleet personal are in the top
> ten percent of phaser rankings on the Enterprise."

CROW: Uh... so your average Starfleet crewmember is better than 90% of the
Enterprise crew?
MIKE: That sounds about right.

> The Trakce took seats in their own brig and Marrissa began her
> speech, "Now gentlemen, some introductions since I didn't have time
> earlier. I am Lieutenant junior grade Marrissa Amber Picard, CONN
> Officer on the Federation Flagship USS Enterprise.

TOM: You know, she's awful damn proud of that "Flagship" thing.

> My father is the
> Captain of that ship. These are Ensigns Lochard, Henderson, and Diral
> Security Officers on the same ship." As she said each name she gestured
> to each officer.

MIKE: Hellooo...
TOM: Hellooo...
CROW: Hellooo...
ALL: HELLO!

> "You are in big trouble," Marrissa said. "As a Starfleet
> officer, I must arrest you on the following charges; One hundred four
> counts of Kidnapping. One count of Kidnapping a Starfleet Officer,
> namely myself, One count of leading an UN-provoked attack on a Federation
> member world,

CROW: The U.N. provoked the attack? I *knew* it was a conspiracy!

> and on count of violating landing regulations."

TOM: The most serious crime of all!
MIKE: Marrissa Picard: Junior Parking Nazi.

> "I have nothing to say," The captain said.

CROW: I want my lawyer.

> "By the way how do you turn off your jamming device?" Marrissa
> asked. "I'd prefer not to start pressing buttons. I might just hit the
> wrong button and kill your crew."

TOM: <Marrissa> I'm just stupid enough to do it, too! I'm a danger to
myself and others!

> "I have nothing to say."
> "You should know that she has done it before," Ross commented as
> if it was a common everyday thing.

MIKE: <Ross> Yeah, Marrissa pretty much slaughters indiscriminately...

> The red and blue ribboned Trakce spoke up," Five in Four up on
> my console."

CROW: Orgy at his place! Woo!

> "Thank you," Marrissa said.

TOM: <Marrissa> ...wuss.

> "You shouldn't have said that," the Trakce leader scolded his
> crew person. "Now we must die."

MIKE: <German accent> Now is the time on Sprockets when we die!

>
> Meanwhile behind the garden wall, Commander Riker had finally
> found some time to check in.

CROW: <Riker> Well, errands are done, but I still have to pick up the
dry cleaning...

> "Riker to Enterprise ... Riker to Enterprise. Damn. Riker to Data."
> "Data here."

TOM: <Data> I'm right next to you.

> "My communication with the Enterprise has been cut off," Riker
> said.
> "My communication suffers the same fault," Data's voice said.

MIKE: Do you think there could be a connection?

> "I'm pinned down behind a garden wall," Riker informed.

CROW: That's the last time *I* try planting tulips!

> "A couple of Trakce are firing on us from behind a wall surrounding their
> ship.

TOM: So Marrissa kills about 200 Trakce in a matter of minutes, but Riker
can't handle *two* of them?

> Lieutenant Picard has been beamed away by the Trakce. Inform
> Worf and the approach the vessel from the other side.

MIKE: <Data> Have you been drinking, sir?

>
> Meanwhile on the bridge of the Enterprise, Captain Picard was

CROW: ...thinking how nice it would be to have a brig handy.
MIKE: Let it go.

> considering what he was going to do to say to his daughter when she
> returned -- if she returned. His leading idea at present was

TOM: "Go back and try again."

> to confine her to her room until the next century.

ALL: <cheer and applaud>

> He did not like not being
> able to keep an eye on Marrissa. Not that he did very often, but
> lacking that ability was a little unnerving.

MIKE: <Picard> I know she's out there... somewhere... plotting against me...

> "Captain Transporters and Communications are jammed," the
> tactical officer said.

CROW: <Picard> Okay, I can't beam down. What about the *rest* of the crew?

> Make that next thousand years, Picard thought. "Picard to
> Engineering.
> "Engineering, Ensign Clara Sutter here."
> "Clara? Where's Laforge," Picard asked.

TOM: This is a Ratliff story, sir. All regulars are either missing or
ineffectual.

> "Clara's voice returned, "He's in Sick bay with plasma burns and
> a broken hip.

MIKE: It was another one of those random explosions in Engineering.

> He left me in command of Engineering."

CROW: He must have been seriously delirious.
TOM: I hope she isn't going to play Bob Seger and dance around in her
underwear.

> "Can you find a way around this jamming field" Picard asked.
> "Give me three minutes."

MIKE: <Clara> ...and then give me three more minutes. I really have no
idea what I'm doing!

>
>
>
>
> Chapter Four
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "Just how are you going to die?" Marrissa inquired the Trakce
> Captain.

CROW: Well, first the electrochemical activity dies down, then...

> "Like this," he replied touching the bracelet he wore on this left
> arm. A high pitched squeal was heard and all the Trakce vaporized
> inside their uniforms.

TOM: Jeez, too bad they couldn't point those things at other people.
MIKE: I think Jack Kavorkian made those bracelets.
CROW: At least they didn't vanish with an audible ping.

> "Great, this mission will get me court-marshaled yet," Marrissa
> said dejectedly.

ALL: <cheer and applaud again>
TOM: Honey, you passed that stage a *long* time ago.

> "Permission to speak freely Lieutenant?" Ensign Lochard asked.
> "Granted," Marrissa intoned.
> "I have seen no court-marshaled offense," Ross Lochard said.

MIKE: <Sgt. Shultz> I know nothing! NOTHING!

> "If anything your conduct has been the model of correctness and quick
> thinking.

CROW: Way to suck up, Ross.

> So forget about a court-marshal which will not happen and do
> what you do best ... Command Lieutenant."

ALL: <sucking noises>
TOM: <Marrissa> You're just hoping I'll forget you touched my bottom.

> "Aye, Aye, Ensign," Marrissa said, a glimmer of laughter visible
> for a second in her eyes.

MIKE: And then, back to the usual gleam of madness and depravity.
CROW: <Marrissa> I'm in it for the kicks!

>
> At the system's analyst table in Engineering, Clara was working
> on bypassing the jamming field of the Trakce.

TOM: I bypassed your artery, now live, dammit, LIVE!!

> Suddenly she shouted triumphantly, "Yes!"

MIKE: Yahtzee!

> Then more calmly she continued, "Engineering to the Bridge."
> "Bridge, Captain Picard."

CROW: This is no time for card games!

> "Captain, this is Clara. I've solved the communications
> problem. You should be able to contact the away teams now. Transporter
> should be up in about ten minutes."

TOM: It just hit the snooze bar.

> "Thank you Clara, Bridge out."
> "Lieutenant Watson,

MIKE: ...the game's afoot.

> you're in charge until I return," Clara
> said. "I'll be in Transporter room 3. Clara Sutter to Shayna Sachs,
> report to transporter room 3."

CROW: <Shayna> Awww, but I just got to level 34 on Mario!

>
> Meanwhile back on the planet, the Trakce had stopped firing on
> Commander Riker's Away team.

TOM: They finally took pity on him.

> Commander Riker was puzzled.

MIKE: Why am I not surprised?

> Then his communicator chirped

CROW: ...like a mutant hellbeast.

> and said, "Captain Picard to Commander Riker."
> "Riker here."

TOM: Riker there. Riker everywhere.

> "nice to hear you again, Commander," Picard said from the
> bridge. "I hope you can tell me more that what Marrissa relayed though
> a bunch of kid's a half an hour ago."

MIKE: He's been shooting and missing for half an hour?!

> "I'm glad to here that Marrissa's safe," Riker responded. "I
> was worried about her."

CROW: It was a private joke between him and the captain.

> "Personally, I wouldn't call trying to take over an Trakce ship
> safe," Picard returned. "Now what is going on down there, Commander?"

TOM: Well, we put a larger bulb in the E-Z Bake oven, and we should have
cake in 5 minutes.

> "I've been pinned down in a garden since we beamed down," Riker
> said.

MIKE: <Riker> I've been crying like a girl, sir.

> "Data reports the capture of a dozen Trakce, three by his team,
> the rest by Worf's"
> "Good, Commander.

CROW: <patronizing voice> Good Commander! Now sit! Stay!

> Clara's working on the transporter now. Is
> there anything you need?" Picard enquired.

TOM: <Riker> I want some pudding.

> "Freshly charged phasers would nice," Riker said.

MIKE: Happiness is a charged phaser.

> "Did you say Clara's working on the transporter?"

CROW: Note to myself: find reason to stay on planet.

> "Commander La Forge was working on the communications array when
> he lost his grip and fell into a plasma transfer conduit," Picard
> informed Riker.

TOM: That ship is an OSHA nightmare.

> "Doctor Crusher says he broke his hip and of course has
> massive plasma burns.

MIKE: You know, he sounds pretty blithe about the whole thing.

> He won't return to duty for another week. On his
> way out of Engineering he moaned,

CROW: "Beware of the dwarf."

> 'Clara you are in charge.' So we now
> have a eleven year old acting Chief Engineer.

TOM: And I'm just the captain, so I can't countermand his order.

> Enterprise out."
> "Data to Commander Riker."
> "Riker here, go ahead, Data."

CROW: <announcer> Non-stop communicator action!

> "Commander, the Trakce we captured have vaporized leaving their
> uniforms behind."

MIKE: It's the Wacky Disintegrator, from Whammo.

> "Thanks for the information, Data," Riker said. "Communication
> with the Enterprise has been restored. Report in. Riker out."

TOM: <fashion reporter> Yes, this fall, reports are in, while Rikers
are way, way out!

>
> Back on the Enterprise in transporter room 3, Shayna was
> standing behind the console while Clara worked on the circuits.

CROW: This'll be the best Homecoming float ever!

> "Try number 4076," Clara announced.
> "OK." Shayna said. A transporter teat object (TTO) was on
> beamed out and back in.

TOM&CROW: TEATS! TEATS! TEATS! <etc.>

> The TTO was blacked and smashed in.

MIKE: Ah, it's the Rodney King model.

> "I don't think we have it right yet." Shayna walked over and removed and
> replaced the TTO.

CROW: TTO was always my favorite of the Jackson Five.

> "That's an understatement," Clara said, changing some circuits.
> "Try number 4077."

ALL: <hum M*A*S*H theme>

> "Beginning beam down," Shayna said after returning to the
> console. The new TTO dematerailized. "Beaming back." The TTO
> rematerialized in perfect shape.

TOM: It's been working out.

> "Yes!" Clara exclaimed. "Let's get Commander Riker his fresh
> phasers," Clara said placing five phasers on the transporter pad.

CROW: Get him a six-pack of Schlitz while you're at it.

> "Entergize."
> The phasers disappeared.

MIKE: That'll happen.

>
> Meanwhile back on the Trakce vessel Marrissa was theorizing,

TOM: Uh-oh, look out, she can B.S. with the best of 'em!

> "I don't think the Trakce was telling the truth," Marrissa stated. "All
> the active system buttons we have seen were boxed in. Her console,
> which is defiantly a communications console,

MIKE: It *dares* you to communicate.

> has only one such button.
> Four in Five up is not it." Marrissa pressed the button which was boxed
> in. The box disappeared.
> The Trakce computer announced, "Modified jamming field off."

CROW: Man, alien technology is *easy*! It speaks English and everything!

> Marrissa smiled," Lieutenant Picard to the Enterprise."
> Her father replied from his bridge, "Enterprise, Captain Picard.
> It's nice of you to report in yourself."

TOM: Oh, is the great Marrissa Picard going to report in?

> "Sorry Captain, but the more you use anything the more likely
> they are to block it," Marrissa said.

CROW: Huh?
MIKE: It's like Murphy's Law, except really dumb.

> "I have captured the Trakce ship.

CROW: <Marrissa> It was really simple, too. All I needed was a super-soaker.

> Unfortunately, the Trakce Captain chose to vaporized himself and his crew
> before submitting."

TOM: I guess the leather scared him.

> "Beam up as soon as the analyst team from Engineering arrives,"
> Captain Picard said. "Clara called, she has to delay her dinner with
> you.

MIKE: So he's a captain *and* an answering service!

> She is acting Chief Engineer until Commander La Forge recovers."

TOM: Or until he wakes up and realizes his horrible mistake.

> "How is Engineering taking being under the command of a eleven
> year old acting ensign who is a daughter of a junior ensign in the warp
> field mechanics department," Marrissa asked.

MIKE: About the same as people who talk in run-on sentences like this one
and the one that you just said which is to say pretty bad.

> "I expect that Engineering will book Counselor Troi this week,"
> Picard said.

CROW: Oh, yeah... buck-a-chicka-wow!
TOM: She's got a great act. She does this amazing trick with her--
MIKE: That's enough, Tom.

> "I also expect a report from you by tomorrow morning.

CROW: What is Picard's obsession with reports?

> Oh by the way, I promised those children you beamed up that you'd give
> them a tour of the Enterprise when you returned.

MIKE: Think she'll use the phrase "Flagship"?

> Enterprise out."

TOM: So... what happened to the hostage situation, anyway?

>
>
>
>
> Chapter Five
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> While awaiting the arrival of the Engineering Analyst team,
> Marrissa suddenly remembered, "The children! Ross scan to see if those
> children are still here."

MIKE: Good call, Servo.
CROW: <Marrissa> Oh yeah, the stupid hostages we were sent to rescue.
Lucky we didn't gas 'em.

> "Confirmed."

TOM: <Ross> However, they are all dead.

> "Lieutenant Picard to Doctor Crusher."
> "Crusher here."
> "I just captured the Trakce ship and I think it would be
> advisable for you and Counselor Troi to beam down," Marrissa suggested.

MIKE: And when Marrissa suggests, it's an order!

> "The deck below me has a hundred children that the Trakce captured."

CROW: So group therapy is probably called for.

> "I'll be right down. Crusher out."

TOM: Crusher is out! Hulk Hogan retains the WWF championship!

>
> When Marrissa finally returned to the Enterprise, Captain Picard
> and the three children she had rescued were waiting for her.

MIKE: ...with baseball bats.

> "Worried Dad?" Marrissa asked.

CROW: <Picard> Sure, now that you're back.

> "Most certainly not" Captain Picard denied unconvincingly.

TOM: That Patrick Stewart is such a lousy actor.

> "These children have been waiting for their tour. When you come by the
> bridge be ready for battle stations.

MIKE: <Picard> I feel like destroying something.

> I just discovered that the Beta
> shift is overdue for a drill. I really should speak to Commander Riker
> about it."
> "I can't wait to see Troi in action," Marrissa said.

CROW: Oh, wow...
MIKE: Crow...
CROW: What? I wasn't gonna say a word!
TOM: <oblivious> See, the Betazoid commands the Beta shift.

> "She
> should know somethings up when you ask for volunteers to command a shift
> on a ship wide broadcast. May I suggest Romulans?"

MIKE: No thanks, I just ate.

> "Excellent idea, Lieutenant," the Captain said. "I believe your
> tourists are getting antsy."
> "Then I better get going," Marrissa replied. "Follow me."
>
> Entering the turbolift with the children Marrissa asked,
> "Heather will you introduce me to your friends. Main Engineering."
> "This is my little brother Corey, and his friend Sam Lynch,"

CROW: He's the comic relief.

> Heather said indicating first a read headed boy, then a blond one.

TOM: Yes, this season's hot new hair color will be Times Roman!

> "Nice to meet you Corey, Sam. My name is Marrissa Picard, just
> call me Marrissa."
> "Shouldn't we call you by your rank?" Corey asked.

MIKE: <Marrissa> No, I don't like "Stinky".

> "No, you aren't a member of the crew or even my Kid's Crew,"
> Marrissa replied.

CROW: <Marrissa> You are inferior to me in every way.

> "Plus I'm only twelve and a half years old."
> "You're not much older than me and you are a Starfleet
> Lieutenant!" Corey exclaimed.

TOM: It doesn't make much sense to us either, kid.

> "Just wait until you see who is in charge of Engineering,"
> Marrissa said.

MIKE: And Macauley Culkin is our head of security.

> The turbolift doors opened and Marrissa lead Heather, Corey, and
> Sam into Main Engineering. Clara was standing by the Warp core yelling
> up it.

CROW: <goofy voice> Let's watch the gruesome result as Clara sticks her
head in the warp core!

> "Mr Barclay, I want that system diagnostic done by 1500 hours and
> a report on my desk a hour later."

TOM: <Barclay, distant> But you don't have a desk...
MIKE: Oh, this'll help his confidence, being ordered around by a pre-teen.

> Marrissa put her finger by her nose,

CROW: ...and blew snot all over the deck.

> indicating that they should
> be quiet. She then went to the replicator and ordered a plate of cookies
> by punching in the code. Marrissa then crept up behind Clara and placed
> the tray below her left wrist.

TOM: Uh oh! They're on a collision course for wackiness!

> Almost reflexively Clara picked up a cookie and bit into it.

MIKE: And then saw half a worm waving at her from what was left.

> "Eating on duty, Ensign?" Lieutenant Marrissa Picard barked.

ALL: Woof! Arf! Arf!

> Then more smoothly she continued. "You owe me three credits."

CROW: But that's not fair! Marrissa's the one who gave her the cookies!

> "I'll pay you we I get off duty," Clara replied. Noticing
> Heather, Corey, and Sam she asked, "New recruits?"

TOM: Fresh meat.

> "No," Marrissa replied. "These are the children I rescued from
> the Trakce. Heather O'Brien, Corey O'Brien, and Sam Lynch.

MIKE: Miles and Keiko have been busier than we thought, apparently.

> Dad ordered
> me do give them a tour before they return to the planet's surface."

CROW: A taste of the good life, then back to the slave pits.

> "I guess its time for the two minute tour of Engineering then,"
> Clara said.

TOM: Only two minutes?
CROW: Well, it *is* a small set.

> "Follow me. This is the Master Situation Monitor ..."

MIKE: <Torgo> ThE MAsTeR wOuLDn'T aPpROve oF SitUAtIoNs...

>
> When Marrissa and her charges enter the bridge via the battle
> bridge turbolift Counselor Troi said, "Marrissa, the Captain wants to
> see you in his Ready room."

TOM: <Marrissa> But I haven't finished showing these spies all our secrets.
CROW: Hey, that'd be a fun plot twist.
MIKE: Yeah, but this is Ratliff. No plot twists allowed.

> "Thank you Counselor," Marrissa said "Would you give my friends
> here a tour of the bridge while I see what my father wants." Marrissa
> entered the ready room.

TOM: <Troi> Well, this is, uh, the bridge.

> A couple minutes later she returned and said, "The Captain has
> ordered the following rotations, Ensigns Martin, Laternize and
> Lieutenants Anton and Felix, the Captain has some duties in his ready
> room which better suit your talents.

MIKE: He needs to do a scene with some acting in it.

> Heather O'Brien take CONN, Corey Ops; Sam, aft stations."

CROW: <jaw hangs open>
TOM: <laughing> What?! Okay, they're little kids, they've never been on
board a starship until now, and they're going to take control of the
Battle Bridge?
MIKE: <kid voice> Do you know how any of this stuff works?
TOM: <ditto> No. Just keep pressing buttons until something blows up.

> The exchange of places was made with Marrissa taking tactical.

CROW: Duh... not... sense... making...
MIKE: <grabs Crow> Snap out of it, buddy!

> "Marrissa why are you amused?" Counselor Troi asked.

TOM: <Marrissa> Oh, the idea of kids in control of a fully armed battleship
just cracks me up!

> "You will find out soon enough," Marrissa smiled.

CROW: <Marrissa> You will die soon enough!

> Over the intercom Captain Picard announced, "Commence Bridge
> Battle Drill."

MIKE: Insert another 25 cents.

> "Romulan Warbird De-cloaking directly ahead," Marrissa announced.
> "Raise shields and hail them Lieutenant," Troi replied.
> "No response, They are powering their weapons," Marrissa
> responded.

TOM: What a surprise, this being a *battle* drill and all.

> "Ready phasers and photon torpedoes ..."

CROW: And get me a real crew!

>
>
>
>

MIKE: Yes?

> From: srat...@ruacad.ac.runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
> Date: Fri, 14 Apr 1995 18:35:10 GMT
> Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
> Subject: Away From Home part 14 The Second Interlude

TOM: Ah. The second book is over, I see.
CROW: Ratliff's stories don't really *end*; they just kind of taper out.

>
>
> Away From Home part 14
>
> The Second Interlude
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Marrissa almost got her full Lieutenancy after the Away
> Mission. The only thing that stopped her was the six month time between
> promotions rule.

MIKE: And a sudden attack of sense in the Starfleet command structure.
CROW: Holy cow, Ratliff's a boy scout!
TOM: That would explain a *lot*.

> Ross Lochard became a Lieutenant junior grade upon Marrissa's
> recommendation.

MIKE: Well, hey! Sucking up to your boss *does* pay off!

> He also began dating Ensign Katherine Szustakowski.

CROW: That's great, but WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING??

> Clara Sutter spent a week as acting Chief Engineer.

TOM: Nobody was smart enough to replace her, I see.

> Most of Engineering came to Counselor Troi that week with feelings of
> inadquitcy.

CROW: ...after they found out that Clara had a bigger--
MIKE: CROW!

> Shortly after her tenure as Chief Engineer, Clara
> published and article in the Cochran Technical Journal titled
> "Mathematical analysis of Possible New Warp Power Asymptotes."

TOM: At that point, her chances of being cool were ruined for life.

> Since not
> many people looked up the biographical listing on Clarrissa Ann Sutter
> of the USS Enterprise record it was well received.

CROW: ...by the three people who read it.

> The Enterprise itself crash landed and was declared
> unsalvegable.

MIKE: <giggles> What... just like that?
CROW: Could this have something to do with having so many *kids* in charge?
TOM: Uh... nurk... AAARRGH! <his head explodes, Mike grabs him>

> While waiting reassignment the crew of the Enterprise was
> bombarded by the media.

CROW: Oh, so it was *reporters* who destroyed the Enterprise!
MIKE: <waving smoke away from Tom's head> Tom? Tom, speak to me!

> Of particular interest to them was Marrissa, due to her rank and age.

MIKE: And her one-time friendship with O.J.
CROW: Hey Mike, is Servo okay?

> In fact she become the media darling of
> Starfleet until they began getting on her nerves.

CROW: *They* began getting on *her* nerves?

> The Trakce however still wanted a child for their plans.

MIKE: So they decided to adopt.
TOM: <woozily> Oooh, lookit the pretty pixels.

> Unfortunately for them, for them third time is not a charm.

CROW: Now *there's* some subtle foreshadowing.
MIKE: Come on, we've got to get Tom out of here.
TOM: Duuuhhhhh.... daaaaaaaaiiiiiuuuurrrrr....

[They leave the theater.]

1...2...3...4...5...6...*...

[SOL. Servo is sitting on the counter. His head is broken and smoke
billows out of it. Mike is intent on trying to fix Servo while Crow
looks on.]

CROW: So, Mike, that's the end of another "book?"
MIKE: <distracted> Yep.
CROW: Was there any dramatic tension in there?
MIKE: <again> Nope, just a meteoric rise through the ranks.
CROW: Ah, like a Clancy novel.

[Tom begins to move his head back and forth slowly.]

TOM: Snxbble grnklph... dhdkhcvwefs... qwertyuiop...
MIKE: Tom, speak to me, buddy!

[Tom swivels his head faster than before.]

TOM: WOOP WOOP WOOP! YAAHH!! <stops swivelling, pauses> What happened?
MIKE: You fizzled out on us towards the end, there.
TOM: Oh yeah. I remember... the Enterprise exploded for no reason,
or something like that.
CROW: <nervously> Yeah, I wonder what the heck he was talking about.
MIKE: Well, he was obviously referring to "Star Trek: Generations".
TOM: Huh?
CROW: <whisper> Uh, no, Mike...
MIKE: Yeah, the Enterprise blew up at the end of the movie.
TOM: "Generations"?
CROW: <harsher whisper> MIKE!
MIKE: You remember, don't you? The final union of old generation and
next, in which Kirk and Picard team up in the Happy Ribbon to
stop Dr. Soran?
TOM: Oh yeah... "Generations." Now I remember. Thanks, Mike. <pause>
NNNYYYYYUUUUUAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHH!!!!

[Servo's head explodes not once, not twice, but THREE times. He
collapses on the counter and doesn't move.]

MIKE: Holy cow!
CROW: Great going, Mike. Servo had to go through months of intense
therapy after seeing "Generations", and he had *just* gotten
to the point where he could watch "Tekwar" without babbling
incoherently, when YOU come along and ruin EVERYTHING.
MIKE: Jeez, I'm sorry, Crow, I didn't know...
CROW: I only hope he can be helped after this latest setback.
MIKE: I'm sorry, I really had no idea...

[Buzzers and lights go off.]

MIKE: AAAHHHH! WE GOT FANFIC SIGN!
TOM: Urk.

T O B E C O N T I N U E D

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its characters and situations are
copyright of Best Brains, Inc. This is a work of fanfiction and
is not meant to infringe on that copyright. Likewise, Star Trek
in all of its many forms is a bloated franchise copyrighted to
Paramount. This MiSTing is *not* a personal attack on Stephen
Ratliff, however much he may deserve it. It is meant in fun and
games and shouldn't be taken seriously.

Stay tuned for the, uh, fantastic conclusion of this extremely LONG
MiSTing, "Away From Home, Book 3: Chasing Marrissa."

> A transporter teat object (TTO) was on beamed out and back in.