MSTed: Overcoming Masturbation (2/3)
The Midnight Rambler
OVERCOMING MASTURBATION
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A tract from Brigham Young University
MSTing by Robert Fontenot, Jr. a.k.a The Midnight Rambler
(rfon...@earthlink.net)
Rated PG-13 for lots of innuendo
Part 2 of 3
To help in planning an effective program to overcome the problem, a
brief explanation is given of how the reproductive organs in a young man
function.
TOM: "I think there are a couple of foot pedals, right Mike?"
MIKE, thoughtfully: "Well, that might be..."
The testes in your body are continuously producing hundreds of millions
of reproductive cells called spermatozoa.
CROW: "These huge beasts roamed the land, eating everything in sight."
These are moved up a tube called the vas deferens
TOM: "Oh, I saw them open up for Uriah Heep once."
to a place called the ampulla
MIKE: "Wait..."
where they are mixed with fluids from two membranous pouches
MIKE: "…lost my place..."
called seminal vesicles and the prostate gland.
MIKE: "…slow down!"
The resultant fluid is called semen.
CROW: "Among other things."
When the seminal vesicles are full a signal is sent to the central
nervous system indicating they are ready to be emptied.
MIKE: "The central nervous system really resents the hell out of that
sort of labor."
The rate at which this filling takes place varies greatly from one
person to another, depending on such things as diet, exercise, state of
health,
TOM: "And watching music videos."
etc.
ALL: "Oh."
For some it may be several times a week,
CROW: "Bill Clinton..."
for others twice a month,
CROW: "Bob Barker..."
and for others hardly ever.
CROW: "Michael Jackson."
It is normal for the vesicles to be emptied occasionally at night
during sleep.
TOM: "Getcher Ice cold vesicles!"
(making ice-cream truck noises)
This is called a "wet dream".
MIKE: "If you're a teenager, you may as well sleep naked."
The impulses that cause the emptying come from the central nervous
system.
TOM: "Nervous impulses?"
MIKE: "The Woody Allen of the biological world."
Often an erotic dream is experienced at the same time, and is part of
the normal process.
CROW: "Donny or Marie Osmond should be appearing in them, depending on
your gender."
MIKE: "Men should have dreams about many, many women, that he is all
married to."
If a young man has constantly masturbated instead of letting nature take
its course, the reproductive system is operating at a more rapid pace,
trying to keep up with the loss of semen.
TOM: "(Woody Allen voice) I understand you can hit your head on one of
those hard rubber things!"
MIKE: "See? Woody Allen!"
When he stops the habit, the body will continue to produce at this
increased rate for an indefinite period of time, creating sexual
tensions and pressure.
CROW, as James Brown: "Get up offa that thing! Try and relieve that
pressure!"
These are not harmful and are to be endured until the normal central
nervous system's pathway of release is once again established.
MIKE: "Sperm takes the path of least resistance."
TOM: "It rolls downhill then."
MIKE: "Sometimes, yes."
During this period of control several things can be done to make the
process easier and more effective.
TOM: "Try ripping phone books in half."
CROW: "Kick small puppies and give the finger to the elderly."
As one meets with his priesthood leader,
CROW: "...this problem will probably be taken care of."
a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of
the suggestions which follow.
Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on,
TOM: "Oh. I got a C- in masturbation."
MIKE: "You're not trying very hard."
so progress can be recognized and failures understood and
eliminated.
TOM: "Eliminated! get it?"
END OF PART 2 OF 3
--
Another Brick In The Wall (Part 2) from
Lonesome Rob Fontenot, The Midnight Rambler
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Big Rob's Center of Attention:
http://home.earthlink.net/~rfontenot/bigrob.html
Beatles Fans at the Mining Co.: http://beatles.miningco.com
Exoticon '99: http://come.to/exoticon
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"You can never make anything foolproof, because
fools are so goddamned ingenious." -- Unknown