MiSTed (By Kris Newton): "Kill your Television" and "The Believe the Lie Song"
Roland Warner
Please note I did not MiST this, but I'm posting it for Kris Newton
who's havin' probs with his computer.
Roland
-----
*Opening Sequence*
[SOL. Mike is standing alone.]
MIKE: Welcome to the Satellite of Love. Today we're cleaning out the
SOL.
[Crow enters.]
MIKE: Hey Crow, I've got this bag of stuff, I was hoping you could
decide
if you need it, sort of weed some things out...
CROW: Sure, Mike, go ahead.
MIKE: <Mike pulls a garbage bag full of stuff out from under the
counter.
He pulls out a screwdriver.> Do we need this?
CROW: Well, yeah, for repairs and stuff.
MIKE: <Reaches back into the bag> Okay, what about this? <Mike pulls out
one of the nunchucks from one of the Joel invention exchanges, "Master
Ninja" I believe.>
CROW: We need those, they're kind of important to Tom, so...
MIKE: Well, all right, how about this? <Mike pulls out a set of
dentures.>
CROW: Gezz, Mike, what do you think you're gonna do when your teeth fall
out? All you eat is ham sammiches and Nut Goodies.
MIKE: I guess you're right... How about this? <Pulls out a car tire>.
CROW: Definitely need that.
MIKE: This? <Pulls out a large foam finger.>
CROW: Yeah.
MIKE: This? <Pulls out a plastic fish.>
CROW: Yep.
MIKE: This? <Pulls out a tie-died top hat.>
CROW: Oh yeah.
MIKE: Is there anything we don't need?
TOM: <Enters the room> Hi guys.
CROW: There you go.
MIKE: We'll be right back. <Hits the commercial sign.>
[Commericals for psychics. You know how those women are always talking
about how the money the spent on psychics was worth it because they met
men? Maybe it'd be cheaper just to actually talk to males instead of
hanging out solely in groups of six women. Just a thought.]
[SOL. Mike, Tom, and Crow are standing on the bridge.]
MIKE: Come on guys, we have to get rid of something!
TOM: Well I'm not getting shot out into space, and neither is my
underwear
collection.
CROW: They're just shorts, Tom!
TOM: No they're not! No more than your cardboard Kathy Ireland
collection!
MIKE:There's got to be something both of you can do without, think about
it for a minute.
[Crow and Tom huddle and confer. Finally, they break up.]
CROW: Uh, Mike, I don't quite know how to say this, but-- we're getting
rid of you.
MIKE: What?!
TOM: Well, Mike, you're the only thing on the Satellite that isn't
essential
to us, so.. bye!
MIKE: I'm essential! What about the cooking?
CROW: Mike, we can do without-
MIKE: Well, I know where the RAM chips are.
<Pause>
CROW: So Tom, do you want to carry the cut-outs or hold the airlock
open?
TOM: I'll hold the airlock.
[The mads light flashes.]
MIKE: Hold on, Oscar and Felix are calling.
[D13. TV's Frank is standing in a white tux. Identically dressed men
are all
over, all holding martini glasses.]
FRANK: <Holding a martini and trying to be suave> Hello, chums. Ready
for
your... torture today?
Dr. F: <Enters in a black tux, holding a tray with martinis> Oh, shut
up,
Frank.
<Turns to face Mike, the bots, and us> Hello, boobies. Frank won some
sort
of contest for fans of Jack Hunter, superspy. Now I've got all of these
tuxedoed idiots standing around and interrupting the experiment.
FRANK: <Still pseudo-suave> You are... Fortunate, my dear-
Dr. F: <Interrupting> Do you _like_ the cheese wheel, Frank?
FRANK: <Shakes his head>
Dr. F: How about the _steel wool_?
FRANK: <Shakes his head>
Dr. F: Then shut up. At any rate, my valued prisoners, you haven't
escaped
the experiment. Today's little slice of hell is a semi-amish attack on
television, entitled "Kill your television". First, though, you'll
share my
pain with this little piece of X-Files crap: it's a poem about something
or
another. Bon appetite!
[SOL]
ALL: We've got post sign!
>Subject: Poem: 'The Believe The Lie Song'
TOM: This won't be crappy, this won't be crappy...
>by Cybertron
>
>From: Katie Johnstone <Pkjo...@pangea.ca>, Pangea.CA, Inc.
>Date: Mon, 18 Aug 1997 13:55:16 -0500
MIKE: Frank and I were working the beat out of Homicide.
>
>Title: The Believe The Lie Song
>
>Author: Cybertron
TOM: CyberTron Agency Services?
>
>Rating: G
CROW: For General TORCHAAA!
>Classification: PA
>
>Spoilers: Not really.
TOM: Exept that Deep throat dies, Crychek is really a bad guy, all the
defense files are written in Navajo,the --
MIKE: That's enough ,Tom.
>Keywords: Gethsemane, character dies
>
>Summary: A free-verse vignette from Scully's POV; angst in poem form.
TOM: From the makers of Angst-in-a-Bottle.
>
>Disclaimer: (With apologies to Shakespeare) Scully, it is only your
>name that belongs to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen, and Fox. What's in a
>name?
MIKE: Sufficient grounds for a law suit.
> It is neither strengh, nor angst, nor any other part belonging
>to Scully.
CROW: Hey, that belongs to Gillian Anderson, buddy!
>Put off thy name,
>and this will no longer be
>a copyright
>infringement!
MIKE: Put off thy hands and this will no longer be
Sexual Harrasment.
>Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll
>write
>about you in the first person.
TOM: Huh. Wouldn't that come off as a little narcassistic?
MIKE: <as Scully> I love Katie Johnson...
> The character 'I' is public domain,
>after
>all.
CROW: If I ever have a kid I'm going to name him "I" just to confuse
people.
>
>Feedback/Discussion/Distribution
MIKE: /Hate mail/Core dump...
> Statement: Yes please, send it to
>kjoh...@pangea.ca / Sure, rip me appart in public,
CROW: Done and done!
> I can take it/ Let
>me know if this goes anywhere
TOM:How about straight down the crapper?
> but Gossamer.
>
>
>
>
>The Believe The Lie Song
ALL: <as Barney, singing> I love you, you love me ,we're a
happy family...
>I
>Stood still within
>your embrace
MIKE: <in a woman's voice screams> Stop...you're crushing me!
>so dark, and, gone.
>
>Now death!
ALL: YAAAHHH!
>Like rain
>may fall out of season, like
>lies, once told, persist like truth.
CROW: It's Shatner!
MIKE: <as Shatner>Now...death...like rain...may fall...out
of ...season...
>But all your visions
TOM: Weren't worth the price of that acid, man.
>spoke of night but
>spoke of nothing like this!
MIKE: Does the rain speak to you often, Scully?
>It was not your time.
TOM: <Nasal secretary voice> Mistuh Mulder, your not due to see the
reaper
for another hour.
>
>Death, love
>too early seen and known too late (Ha!)
CROW: I knew Alf would make a comeback.
>Believe!
MIKE: Or die!
>I've even come to hate
>the one I never dreamed would fall before me.
TOM: So Scully deals with grief by being hopelessly vague then?
MIKE: Apparently so.
>I stood still within your dark embrace
TOM: And ripped off the beginning of my own poem.
>...Now time forever forward moves
>now time is taking me away
CROW: Away to the funny farm!
>from who now stays forever still.
MIKE: <as Scully> I regret killing you now...
>
>Cybertron = kjoh...@pangea.ca (that was a subtle hint)
TOM: In the sense that a brick to the head is subtle.
MIKE: Let's go.
1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6
[SOL. Lights are dim and Crow and Tom are standing on the bridge.
Crow is holding bongos.]
TOM: The lights... they dim a little... in the dark darkness of your
name.
CROW: Gypsy reaches out... but where is the Baseheart? Where?
TOM: Not since your passing have the chips flowed as honey from...
something flowing honey.
CROW: The man, the child, the face, the guy who never deserved the
load pan bay...
TOM: The big enchilada, the innocence untainted by Manos:
BOTS: MIKE!
[Crow does a burst of bongo beats]
MIKE: <Mike enters> Hey, what are you guys doing?
TOM: <Ignoring Mike> All we're asking is... give peace a chance.
CROW: <same> I can see clearly now... the rain is gone, gone, gone.
MIKE: Hey, guys, I'm not dead!
TOM: <Looks at Mike> Hey, have a little respect for Mike, Mike.
MIKE: Uh, we'll be right back.
TOM: I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner...
[Commercials]
[Back in the theatre]
>
>
>How Television Images Affect Children
>
>
>by Ron Kaufman
CROW: Tag team World Inter-gender Wrestling Champion!
>
>"[A nursery school teacher told me] her children were crudely bopping
>each other much more than previously, without provocation.
MIKE: I asked her never to say "crude bopping" again.
> When she
>remonstrated with them,
TOM: --And we all know how painful that can be--
> they would protest, "But that's
>what the Three Stooges do."
CROW: <as Curly> I am not a role model, woo woo woo woo!
>This attitude did not signify a serious undermining of
>character.
MIKE: It shows a wacky, fun-loving undermining of character.
>But it certainly showed me that watching violence can lower a
>child's standards of behavior. Recent psychological experiments have
>shown that
TOM: It takes exactly three licks to get to the tootsie roll center of a
Tootsie Pop.
>watching brutality stimulates at least slight cruelty in
>adults, too."
>-- Dr. Benjamin Spock, from the book Baby and Child Care, 1968
TOM: <as Spock> Fascinating.
>
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Fifty-seven percent of television programs contain "psychologically
>harmful" violence, according to
CROW: The Amish Television Critics of America.
>a study funded by the cable television
>industry. The study, released
MIKE: --To the custody of it's parents--
>February 7, 1996, tracked 2,500 hours of
>television programming. This was the largest sample ever analyzed by
>researchers.
TOM: At some point in the future, this point might be relevant.
>
>Oh, that's ridiculous! Television is not harmful, it's just entertainment.
MIKE: Woah, multiple personalities!
>
>But can the steady flow of images watched nightly from television
>screens across the country be so easily dismissed as simply
>entertainment?
CROW: Sure, I do it all the time.
> If the sheer volume of absorbed images is considered,
TOM: It makes your head hurt.
> how
>can what is shown on television have no effect on one's own mental
>images?
CROW: What if you're not dropping acid?
> And if new mental images are created, shouldn't it be logical to
>say that they can have an effect on behavior?
MIKE: It's not, but it should be, by God!
>But the argument that television has a significant effect on children
>should not rely on studies alone, but on common sense.
TOM: Unfortunately, common sense tells us that this is crap, so studies
will have to do.
>When a child is placed in front of the television his focus cannot be
>diverted and his gaze cannot be broken.
CROW: Either he's mesmerized by TV, or he's been dead for days.
>That child only has eyes for the video screen.
>The bright colors, quick movements and sudden flashes capture the
>child's attention.
MIKE: Scientists have determined that children are also attracted by
shiny
objects, and can be trained by positive reinforcement with bananas and
other fruits.
>Only the rare child finds the television completely
>uninteresting. Even if only cartoons are watched, most children find the
>images presented on the television set mesmerizing.
MIKE: Must... Obey... Bugs!
CROW: <as Bugs Bunny> Eh, send Warner Brothers all your parent's
money, doc!
>Television programs have the power to influence a child's entire daily
>schedule. "They say they that they go to school "after Huckleberry
>Hound," eat a TV dinner "during Gilligan's Island," and go to bed "after
>Charlie's Angels," writes Kate Moody in the book, Growing Up On
>Television.
MIKE: You know kids, they love their Charlie's Angels.
> Unsupervised, a child could watch TV constantly -- endlessly.
TOM: It is up to parents to see that their children engage in such
constructive activities as playing in the dirt and irritating their
siblings instead.
>A widely quoted figure is that, on average, a child watches between four
>and five hours of television each weekday, and ten hours on Saturday and
>Sunday.
TOM: Geez, we don't watch anywhere near that much!
CROW: Yeah, just a couple of hours of the Sci-Fi channel on Saturdays!
> In a July, 1996 speech, President Bill Clinton noted that,
MIKE: He's never seen her before, he didn't know her, nothing happened,
and
he's truly sorry.
>"a typical child watches 25,000 hours of television before his or her 18th
>birthday. Preschoolers watch 28 hours of television a week."
MIKE: I have to agree on this one, that's way too much Barney and Big
Bird
for anybody.
> In the life of children, watching television is a significant sensory
>experience. Many children easily spend more time with the box than they do
TOM: Eating, sleeping, etc.
>with any other form of entertainment.
> "Each year children read less and less and watch television more and
>more.
TOM: This could be because there's not much good literature out there
in the preschool category, but we're not sure.
> In fact, Americans of all ages watch more television each year,"
>writes Moody.
CROW: <as Minnesotan> Don't call your sister "Moody", she's just having
a
rough day.
> "The typical child sits in front of the television about
>four hours a day
MIKE: Or even longer if the TV is turned on.
>-- and for children in lower socioeconomic families the
>amount of time thus spent is even greater. In either case, the child
>spends more time with TV than he or she spends talking to parents,
>playing with peers, attending school, or reading books.
CROW: That kid attends school less than four hours per day?
TOM: Maybe that's why he's a moron.
> TV time usurps family time, play time,
MIKE: Climb the furniture time...
CROW: Poke sibling with a fork time...
TOM: Stick finger in a light socket time...
>and the reading time that could promote language development."
>Watching TV is a passive event. Children -- and adults -- remain
>completely immobile while viewing the box. Most viewing experiences, at
>least among Americans, are both quiet and non-interactive. All attention
>is given to the images.
ALL: <In unison, monotone> Watch the light... Obey the light....
>"Just like the operating room light, television creates an environment
>that assaults and overwhelms the child;
CROW: <Juvenile voice> Mom, the TV assaulted me again!
> he can
>respond to it only by bringing into play his shutdown mechanism,
MIKE: Which should be located in a panel at the base of his neck,
> and thus
>become more passive," states a pediatrician quoted in the Moody book.
MIKE: I don't understand, yesterday the book was ecstatic, but today
it's
just sitting on the shelf sulking!
> "I have
>observed this in my own children, and I have seen it in other people's
>children.
TOM: While hiding in the trees with my binoculars.
>As they sat in front of a television that was blasting away,
>watching a film of horrors of varying kinds,
TOM: Blue's Clues, Step by Step, etc.
>the children were completely quiet. . . . They were hooked."
CROW: <As a redneck> You're gonna have to throw that kid back
Earl, he's not big enough.
MIKE: <Same> Shoot, that TV was some good bait, too.
>Looking at a television screen does not magically remove a child's
>energy from within him.
CROW: No, the television demons do that.
>A highly active child will remain inactive while
>watching TV because that is what the medium requires. In order to
>receive stimulation from the television, the child must be
CROW: At least 16, or the TV is liable for criminal charges.
>passive, and accept the predetermined flow rate of the images. Both
>mind and body are passive (called an alpha state)
MIKE: Or the clinical term "Sleep".
> allowing the child to concentrate on the vast, and often fast, array
>of bright pictures.
>"The picture on the TV changes every five or six seconds, either by
>changing the camera angle or cutting to an entirely new scene," writes
>Moody.
TOM: Who started crying soon after.
MIKE: I think we've about run that one into the ground, guys.
>"One researcher refers to these events as jolts per minute,
> noting that as time is cut up, the brain is conditioned to change at
>the expense of continuity of thought.
CROW: <Juvenile voice> So Wonder Woman just shaved Garfield's head so
he could fit in Archie Bunker's cat door and get away from Scooby? Wow!
>"Adults and children are conditioned to instant gratification and crisis
>at many levels."
>Children absorb millions of images from the TV in
TOM: A process called "osmosis".
>just one afternoon's viewing session. And what are they watching? If
>the child's TV set has cable, his choices can range from between 50 and
>70 different channels; all of them
MIKE: Invariably occupied with a large man in a pastel animal costume of
some kind.
>showing different programs.
>But if the most recent survey is accurate, the odds are that what
>children are watching is probably violent.
CROW: Some of the researchers disagreed, but we just smacked 'em
around a little and they came around.
>With funding from the National Cable Television Association, a group of
>researchers at the University of California at Santa Barbara reported in
>February, 1996 that
TOM: --quote, "Ha ha, we tricked you, now we've got your funding!"
>57 percent of TV programs contained violence.
>The researchers warned that "the risks of viewing the most common
>depiction of televised violence include learning to behave violently,
>becoming more desensitized to the harmful consequences of violence and
>becoming more fearful of being attacked."
MIKE: We attempted to question the researchers further, but they ran
away
screaming.
>This is an important point. Viewing large amounts of TV violence does
>not necessary cause a child to act more violently, but it can contribute
>to promoting a view that violence is commonplace in everyday life as
>well as creating a heightened fear of being assaulted on the street.
TOM: This view is entirely correct, but dangerous nonetheless.
>The UCLA report also concluded that television shows:
>Perpetrators of violent acts go unpunished 73 percent of the time.
CROW: Yeah, but who wants to see Daffy Duck behind bars?
>About 25 percent of violent acts involve handguns.
MIKE: This has caused the government to consider the Fudd Bill, a seven
day waiting law for anthropomorphic animals.
>Forty-seven percent of violent situations present no harm to the
>victims and 58 percent depict no pain.
CROW: The researchers said the world would be a better place for
everyone
if there were more crippling and pain on television.
>Only 4 percent of violent programs show nonviolent alternatives to
>solve programs.
MIKE: This Summer's action thriller: "Carefully thinking a Problem
Through
and Finding a Mutually Acceptable Compromise", starring Jean Claude van
Damme!
>Premium movie channels such as Time Warner's HBO and Viacom's Showtime
>had the highest proportion (85 percent) of violent programming. The
>broadcast networks had a much lower percentage of violence (44 percent).
TOM: Researchers determined that they will need another eight years to
fully evaluate the premium channels, however. They are at work with
some popcorn as we speak.
>
>Violence on television is not a new phenomena. In 1968, Action for
>Children's Television (ACT) was formed to try and convince the FCC to
>limit violence
CROW: But I thought they _wanted_ action for children's television!
>and force the networks to show more educational programs
>for children. Despite the prodding of ACT, Congress and FCC did nothing
>to promote children's television.
CROW: <Juvenile voice> You mean I'm going to have to watch G.I. Joe
instead
of Braniac Ed's Classical Literature Barn? Crap!
>In fact, in 1983, the FCC ruled against providing any provision for
children.
MIKE: No one knew what the heck they meant by "providing any provision"
though, so nothing changed.
> One
>response to this ruling was CBS canceling the popular Captain Kangaroo
>and replacing it with the CBS Morning News.
TOM:(Mobster voice) This guy's called Captain Kangaroo. I need him
"cancelled".
>Finally, 22 years after the creation of ACT, Congress passed the
>Children's Television Act of 1990 which directed the FCC, in reviewing
>TV broadcast license renewals,
MIKE: To take better pictures for the licenses.
>to "consider the extent to which the
>licensee. . . has served the educational and informational needs of
>children."
MIKE: We're in trouble, guys.
> Congress also prohibited indecent broadcasts outside of "safe
>harbor" hours (10 p.m. to 6 a.m.), the hours when it is least likely
>that unsupervised children will be in the audience.
CROW: <Juvenile voice> But Mom, Letterman's almost on! Just on more
hour!
>And with the passing of the Telecommunications Act of 1996, Congress
>requires television manufacturers to install "V-chips" into new sets.
TOM: I'll have to try one of those "V-chips". I've heard they're great!
>With a ratings system designed by the networks themselves, the chip
>would block out violent programming. FCC Chairman Reed Hundt
MIKE: --Who couldn't get any other job with a name like that--
>said he is prepared to force the networks to adopt a system to rate
>programs. "Instead of fighting the tide of scientific and lay opinion,
>broadcasters and cable operators who want to show violent material at
>times when large numbers of children are in the audience should label
>their shows for violent content.
TOM: To attract even more children.
>If they adopt such an approach now, they will avoid losing in the Supreme
>Court and the court of public opinion," he said in February, 1996 speech.
>In July, 1996, the White House, the four major broadcast networks (ABC,
>NBC, CBS, FOX) and the National Association of Broadcasters agreed
CROW:--At gunpoint--
>to support a new proposal to require broadcasters to air three hours of
>quality educational programming each week.
MIKE: Reportedly, He-Man does not count as a historical drama.
>With the government finally taking steps to improve children's
>television, the focus then must turn to parents.
TOM: What can be done to improve their television?
> Awareness that
>excessive TV viewing is not benign and can have serious effects on a
>child's behavior and attitude is important. Obviously, turning off the
>set is the best solution.
MIKE: Moving to Pennsylvania, churning butter, and forsaking buttons is
another step that should be considered.
>Otherwise, TV programs should be discussed within the family. Does the
>violence, sexual attitudes, stereotypes, and advertising methods shown
>on television benefit or hinder the way you want your child raised?
CROW: Sure doesn't seem to be helping this guy's grammar, at any rate.
>FCC Chairman Newton Minow called television a "vast wasteland." Thirty
>years later, he spoke of the medium again: "In 1961 I worried that my
>children would not benefit much from television, but in 1991 I worry
>that my grandchildren will actually be harmed by it. In 1961 they didn't
>make PG-13 movies, much less NC-17. Now a six-year-old can watch them on
>cable."
MIKE: NC-17 on cable? That's horrible!
TOM: That's awful!
CROW: What channel?
MIKE: Crow!
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>For further reading:
>TELEVISION, KIDS, INDECENCY, VIOLENCE AND THE PUBLIC
>INTEREST. SPEECH
TOM: <Singing> One of these things, is not like the others, one of these
things just doesn't belong...
>BY REED HUNDT CHAIRMAN FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION, DUKE
>UNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF LAW, FEBRUARY 9, 1996.
>REMARKS BY THE PRESIDENT, THE FIRST LADY, THE VICE PRESIDENT AND MRS
>GORE
CROW: What do they call her, anyway? The Second Lady?
>IN OPENING AND CLOSING STATEMENTS AT THE CHILDREN'S TELEVISION
>CONFERENCE, July 29, 1996.
>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Please check the bibliography section of this site for full citations of
>the books mentioned above.
>Go back to the Table Of Contents.
MIKE: You can't make us, so there!
1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...
[SOL. Mike, Tom, and Crow are standing on the bridge with a jar of
computer
chips with big red "V"s on them.]
MIKE: Well, here you go. I found some V-Chips, so you can try them if
you
want, Tom.
CROW: Hey, what about me, Mike?
MIKE: Tom mentioned it first. You can have some after he's done.
TOM: <Tom somehow pulls off a rasberry without a tongue> All right,
let's
see how these things are! <Tom dunks his head into the jar and sucks up
a chip.>
CROW: How was it, Tom?
TOM: <Tom smacks his lips contemplatively> Hmmm... Pretty _____ good!
<There's silence in the middle of the sentence, but Tom's beak
moves>Maybe
a bit presump-
CROW: What did you say?
TOM: I said maybe they're a little-
MIKE: I think he means about how good they were, Tom.
TOM: I said they were pretty _____ goo- huh. ______. <Now
frusterated,
Tom starts moving his beak very fast.> ____________________________!
CROW: Hey, Tom can't cuss! Hey, can you hand me that book? Oh, that's
right, your hands don't work! Maybe you can beak it to me!
TOM: You ______! <Tom lunges at Crow, but suddenly jerks to a stop at
the
last minute.>
CROW: Hey, you can't fight either!
MIKE: That's enough, Crow. What do you think, sirs?
TOM: _____ Crow ________ "arms don't" __________ "work!" ______....
[D13. Tuxedoed men are still all over around Frank and Dr. Forrester.]
Dr.F: Well, boobies, I think you've...
FRANK: <Trying to be suave> You've dealt with our little project well,
mon-
Dr.F: THAT'S IT!
[All the tuxedoed men turn around and look at Dr. F.]
Dr.F: All this idiocy is well and good, but when you start to interfere
with
my gloating, I draw the line! Everybody out!
FRANK: <Frank whips out a pistol and still speaks semi-suave> Aha!
You may think you've won, but this pistol is actually a cleverly
concealed
cigarette lighter!
Dr.F: <Stares at Frank for a moment, completely stunned> Wouldn't a
pistol disguised as a cigarette lighter be a just a _bit_ more
effective,
Frank?
FRANK: <Normally> They were out of those, and this was on sale....
Dr.F: Push the button, Frank.
FRANK: <Pushes the button as the tuxedoed men begin to file out.>
\ /
\ /
---*---
/ \
/ \
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are
trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
This MSTing is not intended as an attack on Katie Johnston or Ron
"Ebeeda"
Kaufman.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks
held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. What if
they
had a war and only one side came?
Special thanks to Kevin Matlock for some of the riffs, specifically the
ones you didn't like.