Misted: "New Mutants Volume 2 #1" (2/3)

[do...@earlham.edu]

[Doors sequence. Everyone enters.]

PAGE THIRTEEN:
A room in Lila's Dyson Sphere.

MIKE: Captions! We need captions!

Lila, Stevie, and Fred enter and sit.
Fred: "So, nice place. Kinda out of the way, though,
isn't it?"
Lila: "That's the nice bit. No uninvited
guests...usually."
Fred: "Anyway, to business. What do you want me for?"

CROW: [Jerry Seinfeld] Well, I don't know the exact term, but
I believe it's pronounced "menage a trois?"

Stevie: "Well, you have a lot of connections, for one
thing, and you could probably find us some students. We
have a lead from the RCX, and we hope to find some stuff
in Charles's files, but we could use some more."

MIKE: Would those be X-files, then?
CROW: Uhhhh...yes, actually.

Guido enters.
Lila: "Guido, could you get us some drinks?"
Guido: (with an expression that says "That's not really
my job) "Of course." Exit.

TOM: This is my only line.

Fred: "I brought some files, like you asked." (Opens
briefcase.) "We can probably leave out these...he's
dead...you really don't want him...Firestar is already
teamed up...

MIKE: If he mentions the Spider-Friends I'm going to hang
myself.

in fact, we can throw out all of these vigilantes."
(sweeps a bunch of files on the floor) "Same with these
criminals." (does the same thing) (picks up another
file) "How do you feel about psychopaths?"

TOM: [Lila] Well, I'm here with you, aren't I?

PAGES FOURTEEN-FIFTEEN: (Two-page spread)
Caption: "Interlude Four: Midnight in Australia."

TOM: Late morning in Massachusetts.

Big panel: The wilderness. Nice panorama, with a
motorcycle parked in one corner, and a teenage girl next
to it.

MIKE: Jen O'Neal, I presume?
CROW: No, "Lara's Father."

PANEL TWO: The girl looks out across the desert, and
smiles.
PANEL THREE: She throws a frisbee far across the desert.
Nice series of panels

CROW: These guys are hanging a lot on their illustrator,
aren't they? "Draw nice, now."

in which she floats along in the desert on a large,
golden energy disk, doing all sorts of acrobatic
maneuvers. End with her catching the frisbee.
LAST PANEL: Silhouette of her holding up the frisbee
with both hands.
PAGES SIXTEEN-NINETEEN:
Back in the Dyson sphere. They have empty glasses next
to them.

TOM: [Lila, drunk] Stevie...you're best fren' I ev' had...and
you...I just met you, but I love you...
CROW: [British] Ignore her, she's drunk. [beat] Or else I'm
in real trouble.

Stevie: "So, it comes down to these four?"
Fred: "Yeah, plus whatever Xavier's has."
Lila: "So, who are they?"
(As each is described, a shot is shown of their file.)
Fred: "Okay. The first one is Amanda Johnson. She got
in trouble for not registering,

CROW: [cop] Lousy draft-card burners!

and the Commission sent Freedom Force after her.

TOM: I bet these guys had two copies of the issue of
"Daredevil" she was in and wanted to bring her back so they'd
shoot up in value.

They got trashed and she moved out of town, and they
decided it wasn't worth sendin' someone after her."
Lila: "What can she do?"
Fred: "Near's we can tell, limited TK. She can call
things to her, and they come when she calls.

CROW: [Amanda] Here sweatshirt! [whistles] Here sweatshirt!
Gooood sweatshirt...

Sorta strange."

"Next up: Lara Ventura. A Philippino kid who moved here
a few months ago. She's also got limited telekinesis:
she's real strong, but she's got no range. It's like
she's real strong, but you wouldn't know it to look at
her.

CROW: Real strong, is she? Just wanted to get that clear.

She's also got a defense field. Nice kid, but really
shy."

TOM: Boy, Superboy stole everything from her!

Guido enters.
Guido: "Anything else?"
Lila: "Yes. Could you pick up all of Mr. Duncan's files
and pile them up?"
Guido: Black marks indicating grumbling, as he sets
about his task.
Fred: "Yeah. Okay. The next one's from outta the
country. Australian.

MIKE: The FBI keeps tabs on non-criminal teenagers who live
in other countries?
CROW: In the Marvel universe, the government keeps tabs on
lab rats in case they pose a national security threat.
[Tom hums a brief snatch of the "Pinky and the Brain" theme.]

Name's Jen O'Neal, and her power's really weird. She
makes enormous gold frisbees out of energy, and carries
things on them, or flies around on them. She's also a
nice kid, but you gotta like stylish clothes and
Frisbees to be able to stand her."

MIKE: On the up side, he seems to be on close personal terms
with everyone in his files.

"Last one's gonna be a little trickier. His name's
Kevin Derleth..."
Lila: "Finally. I was thinking that the only mutants
left were teenage girls..."

TOM: Guys, leave your private life out of the comic, okay?

Fred: "Right. Anyway, it looks like he's another
telekinetic, not real powerful, but skillful."

CROW: Boy, if you want something picked up on this team, it's
gonna be well and truly picked up.

Stevie: "So, what's the problem?"
Fred: "The problem is that he's nuts."
Stevie: "How?"
Fred: "Well, he says he's not a telekinetic. Claims
he's got a lot of invisible friends that no one else can
see, and they're the ones that move things for him.
None of his shrinks can agree on what he really is..."
Lila: "'Shrinks?'"
Fred: "Yeah, he's in an asylum 'cause he talks to thin
air. Anyway, all his shrinks quit after a coupla
months. He really seems nice enough..."

MIKE: It's always the nice ones.

Lila: "It's always the nice ones, isn't it?"

MIKE: Hey!

Fred: "But he's kinda out of touch with real world.

CROW: Probably no more so than Wolverine or Longshot, though.
TOM: Mutant teams attract people who can't cope with the real
world. Sort of like roleplaying.

You might wanna talk to him before you decide."
Stevie: "Lila, why don't we talk about this?"
Lila: "Sure. Guido, could you show Mr. Duncan around
the area?"
Guido: "Uh-huh." As he leaves: "I ain't paid enough..."

TOM: Love the characterization of Guido. Totally compatible
with the chatty, upbeat-but-really-hurting-on-the-inside
Peter David version.

After Guido and Fred leave:
Lila: "Well, whatcha think?"
Stevie: "I hope *all* the nice ones he described aren't
really nutcases..."

MIKE: Yeah, what is this? All the teenage mutants are
telekinetics who are nice, *but* something.

PAGE TWENTY:
Caption: CHAPTER TWO. The Gathering.

CROW: These guys predicted everything! X-Files, Superboy, X-
Factor, and now Magic!

PANEL ONE: The setting is the communications room at the
capital in Nova Roma. Lucius is talking to it.

TOM: Who, the room?
MIKE: "Froonds, Roomans, coontrymen..."

Lucius: "I see. Well, thank you, and I will endeavour
to inform them."
PANEL TWO: He heads down some darkened stairs, thinking:
"<This should prove a suitable solution to the dilemma,
though I hope our alliance will hold up.>"

CROW: Well, if you donate enough spells you should be able to
upgrade to a Wizard Pact.

PANEL THREE: He goes through a door into a room where
Manuel and Amara are sitting and reading. Lucius:
"<Amara, I have some news for you. May we talk
privately?>" Amara: "<Of course, Father.>" "Manuel,
could you please leave us? My father wishes to talk with
me alone." Manuel: "Of course."

CROW: You know, this is the first fanfic in a long time that
it hasn't been spelled "coarse."

PANEL FOUR: Manuel is gone,

TOM: [Amara] At last!

Lucius is sitting down.
Lucius: "<Amara, I have a possible solution to our
dilemma over your marriage. Apparently someone is
reforming Xavier's school,

MIKE: Teenage Mutants and Reform School Girls!

and they wish you to attend.>"
Amara leaps up, ecstatic. "<Really? That's wonderful!>"
Lucius: "<Yes, they are sending down somebody to meet
with us in a few days. This should prove a conflict for
your marriage, of course, but that can be dealt with.>"

MIKE: Connections, "knowing people," "dealing with"
things...Are you *sure* this isn't about the Mafia?

Amara has an enormous smile and looks utterly thrilled
in general.

CROW: In specifics, though, she's worried about the new
pimple on her nose and whether Manuel is a natural brunette.

PAGE TWENTY-ONE:
At the Airport. Stevie and Lila are waiting.
PANEL ONE: Lila: "When was he supposed to be here?"
Stevie: "Fairly soon. Calm down."
Lila: "I wonder what he looks like?"
PANEL TWO: Stevie: "What do you mean?"
Lila: "Well, the Warpies do tend to look sort of...odd,
sometimes."

MIKE: "Warpie?" How is that different from a "mutant?"
CROW: In a way we're all mutants, Mike.

PANEL THREE: We spy, across the crowd, Joseph, with an
extremely bundled figure next to him. Joseph has his
arm outstretched: "Lila! Hey!"

TOM: Awfully unconcerned that he's yelling out the name of a
famous rock celebrity with no entourage, isn't he?
CROW: Her career hasn't been the same since winning the "Best
New Group" award.

PANEL FOUR: They join up and meet. Stevie: "Hi, Joseph.
And this is...?" Sam: "Sam. Hello." Lila: "Why don't
we go somewhere else?"
PANEL FIVE: A booth in the coffeeshop. They're all
there. Lila: "...So they told you about what it is
we're all about?"

MIKE: About half.
CROW: I feel a bout of something coming on myself...

Sam: "Not much."
PANEL SIX: Joseph: (standing up, looking at watch) "Yes,
well, I need to go anyway.

CROW: He's so regular he uses a watch?

Nice meeting you again."
Lila: "Yes. Why don't we go home and talk there?"
Sam: "Sounds good. Where's your car?"
Lila: "Oh, we didn't drive."

MIKE: Let's recap again. They decided to found a school, and
*twenty* pages in they're finally getting their first new
student?
TOM: And who in blazes is Sam?

PAGE TWENTY-TWO:
Milling around in the airport.
PANEL ONE:
Lila: "Let's head out. Over there." (leading them,
pointing.

TOM: [squeaky adolescent] Wait! I need closure on that
parenthesis!

PANEL TWO: They arrive at where she's pointing.
Sam: "We're going home...through there?"
Lila: "Yes."
PANEL THREE: We see where they arrived.
Sam: "But...that's a ladies' room."

CROW: [Lila] That's never stopped you before, Sam boyo.

Lila: "So? Nobody can tell, with that coat...c'mon."
PANEL FOUR: In the Ladies' Room.
Stevie: "Okay, nobody's in here."

CROW: [Lila] At last we're alone! Now to find out what you
keep under that coat...
MIKE: I think the audience is wondering the same thing.

Lila: "Hang on."
PANEL FIVE: Teleportation flash

TOM: This scene is dirty in just so many ways.

PANEL SIX: On the Dyson sphere.
Sam: "Wow! Just like on Blake's Seven."

MIKE: Oh, that's right, he's British too. And we all know
the British don't watch "Star Trek."
TOM: Maybe this guy just has better taste than most.

PAGE TWENTY-THREE:
Caption: "Interlude Five: Morning in Massachusetts."
Emma Frost's office. She sits at her desk. Shudder.

TOM: Okay, now is Emma shuddering, or her office, or is her
desk shuddering, or are the writers shuddering...
MIKE: I think the audience is shuddering by this point.

PANEL ONE: A mercenary in mufti

TOM: Isn't mufti something you use to decorate a Christmas
tree?
CROW: No, it's that gelatin stuff they pack Spam in.
MIKE: You're both wrong. It's the breed of Miss Piggy's dog.

gives her a file. Merc: "I thought you would find these
reports of interest, Madam."

MIKE: [Merc] No, ma'am, I didn't see you playing with your
dolls again, ma'am.

Frost: "I will examine them. Dismissed."
PANEL TWO: Merc salutes & leaves.
PANEL THREE: Frost reads the files.
PANEL FOUR: Frost smiles.
PANEL FIVE: Thought balloon, Frost: "So. They're coming
back."

TOM: That's right! All your favorite stars are back on the
new season of Must See NBC Saturday! First, it's Fran
Drescher and Jaleel White in the delightful new romantic
comedy "Whine and Cheese..."
MIKE: [picks him up] You sound like you need a break.

[Exeunt omnes. Doors sequence. The bridge; Crow stands
alone.]

CROW: [general milling-about noises] Dum de dum. La la la.
Hm hm hm.

[Tom enters; more precisely, the black silhouette version
enters. His shoulder flaps have been extended a foot or so
and covered with spikes, and his dome is shaped somewhat like
Magneto's helmet.]

TOM: ARRR! Bow down before me, SERVO! When you do-good
mutants are eliminated, _Homo superior_ will rule the few
remaining humans!

CROW: [heroically] NEVER! Sure, humans laugh at and mock us,
but they're necessary for the economy! Prepare to suffer,
Servo!

[They fight. From the tussle, catch-phrases emerge:]

TOM: I'm the best there is at what I do!

CROW: Lucky thing Ah'm near-invulnerable when Ah'm blasting!

TOM: Lousy stinking muties!

CROW: Ah can't touch him without absorbing his mind and his
powers!

TOM: Fastball special!

CROW: Bobby, no! You may be strong but you're not
invulnerable!

TOM: I'll use my power to show him his worst fear!

[Mike enters, holding an early issue of "Marvel Universe".]

MIKE: What're you doing, guys?

[The 'bots desist.]

CROW: I'm fighting to defend humanity from...heyyyy, what has
humanity ever done for me, anyway? [Both 'bots leap on
Mike. They fight briefly, below screen; finally Mike sticks
his head on-screen.]

MIKE: We'll be right back... [Sounds of the fight continue.
Commercials.]

-------------------==== Posted via Deja News ====-----------------------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Post to Usenet