MSTING: Musings of an X-feminist 1
Caitlin
By: Caitlin Hesketh
Author's notes: I wrote this a while back and posted it to Website
#9...
I just thought I'd post it here and see what people thought of it (if
anything.) I'm thinking of getting back into Mistings again. Hope
everyone likes it!
Misted: "And We'll Always Have Love",
"As the Flame Burns Out", and "Family Secrets I and II"
[season 10 theme song]
[5...4...3...2...1...SOL bridge]
[Tom Servo is behind a typewriter, typing noises can be heard. He is
wearing
glasses and mumbling to himself]
[enter Mike, stage left]
Servo: (mumbling) Intense, white light...
Mike: Hi everyone, I'm Mike Nelson, and welcome to the...Servo?
Servo: Oh, hi Mike. I was just writing my novel. (mumbling)
floating...
Mike: Really? What...uh, what's it about?
Servo: It's all about my experience as an alien abductee. [goes back
to
writing]
Mike: Abducted by aliens, huh.
Servo: Yup. [goes back to writing]
Mike: And when did this happen?
Servo: Just last night, in fact. I have all the classic signs...I
experienced missing time; I saw a bright, white light; Oh! And
an
alien came to me and told me the meaning of life. [goes back to
writing]
Mike: Really.
Servo: Yup. (mumbling) meaning of life...
Mike: And what would that be?
Servo: Mike, I'm *trying* to write, here!
Mike: I'm sorry, I was just curious, you know, the meaning of life and
all.
Servo: You know, it was kind of weird. They told me that the meaning
of life was to leave all my ramchips out in the load pan bay.
Seems kinda weird, but who am I to argue with aliens, am I
right?
[goes back to writing]
Mike: Um...Servo?
Servo: *yes*, Mike?
Mike: What did this aliens look like?
Servo: Oh, he was gray, with big black eyes...come to think of it, he
looked kinda familiar.
[we hear Crow laughing offscreen as the commercial light flashes]
Mike: Uh-oh. We'll be right back. [hits the button]
[commercials: Tide, Psychics, and New Psychic Tide-gets stains out
before you
even get your cloths dirty!]
[SOL]
[Crow is stage left. He's painted gray, with black eyes. He's
screaming in
terror. Mike is stage right, holding on to Servo's hoverskirt in order
to
keep him away from Crow. It doesn't look easy.]
Mike: Servo, stop!
Servo: This time, I'm actually going to kill him, Mike.
Crow: Mike!! HELP!
Mike: Servo!
[the light flashes]
[Mike lets go of Servo in order to push the button, which sends Servo
crashing into Crow, they both tumble offscreen.]
[Castle Forester]
[Pearl is wearing Brain Guy's outfit and robe. Brain Guy is in the
background
wearing her green jumpsuit. He's holding his brain, as usual, but
there's
an ice bag sitting on it. He looks like he doesn't feel so good.]
Pearl: Hey, Nelson.
Brain Guy: Ah-ah-CHOO!
[we hear Brain Guy's sound f/x and their outfits switch back.]
Pearl: Brain Guy's sick. Apparently it's messed up his omnipotent
power or
something, cause every time he sneezes-
Brain Guy: Ah-ah-CHOO!
[sound f/x again, this time Bobo appears out of nowhere, wrapped in a
towel, and covered in soap bubbles.]
Bobo: (singing) Rubber ducky...hey!
Pearl: Anyway, [she holds up a movie case] your movie this week is
"Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders", starring-
Brain Guy: Ah-CHOO!
[the title on the movie case changes to "Hackers".]
[SOL]
Mike: Please...Pearl...no.
Servo: Anything, anything but...*that*.
Crow: Show us "Manos" again, if you must-
[Castle Forester]
[Pearl drops the movie case to the floor, looking horrified.]
Pearl: Even *I'm* not...*that* evil...Hey, Brainiac!
Brain Guy: (sounding really stuffed up) Whad?
Pearl: Plan B!
Brain Guy: You got it. Ah-ah-ah-CHOO!
Pearl: Five words, Nelson: The Truth is Out There! [evil laugh]
Bobo: We're all out of hot water.
[SOL]
All: Oh, we got X-FILES SIGN!!!
[1...2...3...4...5...]
>
>
>
>From: JP&GP <yin...@centuryinter.net>
[Mike and the Bots file into the theater and take their usual places.]
>Date: Fri, 15 Jan 1999 19:01:09 -0500
>Subject: And We'll Always Have Love
>
Mike: And we'll always have fanfic.
>Title: And We'll Always Have Love
>Author: Nina Scully
>Rating: NC-17
Crow: Hey, I'm under-
Mike: No.
>Classification: Mulder/Scully Romance Sexual content/Violence/If
your
>under 100, please leave now
Servo: If you're *over* 100, please leave now.
Crow: Everybody just get the hell out!
>Spoilers: None
>Keywords: None
>Summary: Just when Mulder finally decides to tell Scully how he feels
>about her,
Servo: I throw up.
>something happens that will make them both look at each other in a
>different way.
Crow: They will look at each other as potential meals.
Mike: Yikes.
> This is not a Hearts and Roses story in the beginning,
>but in the end it turns out to be the opposite.
Crow: So in the end it turns out to be the opposite of *not* a Hearts
and Roses story?
Servo: Makes perfect sense to me.
>Disclaimer: The X-Files and Mulder and Scully do not belong to me,
they
>belong to
>Chris Carter and his staff
Mike: They comfort me...
> of wonderful writters. They
Mike: Leadeth me beside the LSD-laced waters...
> are part of Fox
>Network and I will never try to steal them.
>
Crow: Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that what you're doing
*right now*?
>And We'll Always Have Love
>by Nina Scully
>
>Scully sat quietly at Mulder's desk. This is the fifth time he's been
>late in 2 weeks. The door swung open.
Crow: (Shatner) A shot, rang, out.
> Mulder stood in the door way like
Mike: A guy...standing in a doorway.
>he was hoping she wasn't going to be there.
Servo: Wow. She got all that just from the way he was standing in the
doorway?
Crow: He's a *wonderful* actor.
> "You're early," Mulder said
>in a husky voice.
Servo: (singing) Let's get it on...
>"No, your late."
Mike: (Mulder) Half-empty!
Servo: (Scully) Half-full!
> They stood there for a view moments.
Mike: I don't think my heart can stand the excitement.
> Scully's clear
>blue eye's shined in the light.
Mike: She's gone tharn!
> Mulder couldn't help to notice how
>beautiful she looked.
Crow: (sigh)
> Breaking the silence,
Servo: Thank you!
> he cleared his throat and
>walked across the room toward the file cabinet.
Servo: Wow! Look at the plot go!
>"Um...we've got that meeting with Skinner today, right?" " Yep."
She
>replied. " Well actually Mulder, only I do."
Mike: Look at the plot go down the drain.
>" Skinner requested both of us to come." Mulder said.
>" I know. Mulder...we need to talk."
Mike: Ah, the most terrifying four words in the English language.
Crow: Next to "Directed by Coleman Francis," of course.
All: (shudder)
> Confused, Mulder sat down waiting
>to hear her out. "Um, what I have to say might come to a shock to
you,
>but....."
Servo: ZZZZZZT!
> The phone interrupted. " Mulder. Yes she is . Ok.. Thank
>you."
>" Skinner is asking for you Scully." He looked at her waiting for a
>reply of some sort. " Mulder, why don't you come over to my place
>tonight so we can talk." " Sure." She walked out the door.
>***********************************************************************************************
>
>Mulder got home, checked for messages and flicked on the t.v.
Crow: (Mulder) All right! Alf reruns!
> He hadn't
>seen Scully all day after she left for that meeting.
Crow: You know....*that* meeting.
Servo: The one where they call all the female FBI agents into the
auditorium...
>He sat there rubbing his eyes and leaned back against the couch. He
>thought to himself for a while.
Mike: Is it really possible to think to someone *other* than
yourself?
>'What could she of wanted to tell me that's so important? She's been
>acting so....un-scullyish for the past couple of days.
Servo: It's almost like she's being badly characterized...
>Christ, she's been been through so much shit it must be killing her.
Mike: Whoa! Mulder has turrets.
>First, the case we just got done working on were somewhat personal
>because we were investigating the death of woman who was supposedly
was
>abducted by aliens and was given an implant in her neck.
Servo: Ouch. Try reading that sentence out loud.
> She had it
>removed
Crow: And by "it," I mean her neck...
> and was found dead in her house a few day's later.
Crow: Well, see, that's what happens.
> Second, her
>mother had gotten into a car accident and if it wasn't for that air
bag
>Scully would be bawling her head off in my arms.
Mike: Oh, you can fix that right up with a little neck juice!
> Third, well this is all
>about me and Scully.
Mike: So forget everything else I just said. Sorry.
> We've been acting like we both wanted more out of
>our "professional" relationship.
Servo: Oh, our so-called "professional" relationship.
Crow: I could make a Claire Danes joke here, but I think I'll
refrain.
Servo: That's fine.
Crow: I just wanted you to be able to appreciate the *non* Claire
Danes-ness
of the moment.
Servo: Thank you.
Crow: No problem.
> God knows I for sure do. But what about
>scully? Maybe thats what she wants to talk about.' He felt that it
was
>going to be a 'fun' night for the both of them if that was the
subject
>of this whole thing.
Servo: Well, it doesn't take much to get him going, does it?
Mike: Mulder: The only man in the *universe* who takes "we have to
talk"
as a *good* sign.
>But he's wrong.
Crow: I could've told you that!
>**********************************************************************************************
>
>Scully felt a knot in her stomach .
Servo: (Scully) Damn. I gotta stop eating string for lunch.
> She knew Mulder wasn't going to take
>this well. She heard a knock on the door.
>Knowing who it was she opened the door which revealed
Crow: (singing) Your Mystery Date!
> Mulder smiling
>with a boyish grin.
Crow: Mulder? The king of angst? Boyish grin?
Servo: (gasp) The aliens got him!
> " Hi. Come on in."
Mike: (Scully) Step right into the trap...that's it...
>She motioned him inside. They walked across her room to the couch and
>sat down. " So.....whats up Scully?"
Mike: What's Up Scully, new from Hasbro! You feed her and she throws
up!
>" Well, I don't know how I am going to say this,
>but..................I'm quitting." Mulder sat there in shock.
>"Uhhhh...I......I."
Crow: I can't get my finger off the period button! HELP!
>He couldn't get the right words out.
Servo: Just the left ones. HA!
> Scully got off the couch sensing he
>was going to be upset.
Servo: She knows that whenever Mulder gets upset he has an
uncontrollable
urge to re-upholster the nearest couch.
> Mulder grabbed her by the arm and pulled her
>close to his chest.
Mike: (Mulder) Get off that couch, dammit, I've got to re-upholster!
> " Mulder, what are you doing?"
Mike: (Mulder) I'm having *chest pains*!
> She was going to
>ask again but he quickly covered it with a kiss.
Crow: Covered what?
Servo: Her whole face, probably.
All: Ewwww.
Crow: Mulder spit.
> He threw her down on
>the couch still stuck together and pinned her down. She struggled and
he
>stopped. " Mulder! What are you doing?" She was eager to get off of
the
>couch.
Mike: Well, I can't say I blame her for that.
> She sneaked out from under him and ran to the kitchen. He caught
>up with her.
Crow: (Mulder) Tag! You're it!
> "Scully, you can't quit. You can't god damit!! I love you!"
>
>" How dare you. How dare you Mulder for doing that! What the hell is
>wrong with you? I don't love you!" Mulder couldn't belive it. He
had
>thought that she wanted him all that time.
Servo: Well, where the *heck* did he get that idea?
> He felt a fit of rage. He
>felt he had to hit something, and she was there.
All: (Stunned silence)
Crow: WHAT?!
Servo: Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight the role of Mulder will be
played by
David Duchovney's understudy, *Ike Turner*.
>*************************************************************************>***********************
>
>Mulder was sitting on the couch while Scully was in the kitchen with
an
>ice-bag on her cheek. "I'am so sorry Scully.
Mike: (Mulder) I'm sorry Tina Turner baby, Ike's sorry.
Servo: (Mulder) Have some pie, dammit!
> I didn't know what I was
>doing. " " Mulder just stop. I knew you weren't going to take it
>well. It's all my fault."
All: (Yet again-stunned silence.)
Crow: WHAT?!
Mike: (Scully) I'm sorry I made you hit me.
Servo: Maybe the aliens got her, too.
She walked over to him and sat down.
They
>just looked at each other for a while.
Servo: (Mulder and Scully) Duhhhhhh....
> " Here, let me see that." "No,
>no, it's ok. Just a little red. That's all."
Mike: (Mulder) I said let me *see it* [whap!]
> "Scully, I gotta say
>something."
Servo: Oh, boy. That's a song cue if I ever heard one.
Mike: X-Files: The Musical, brought to you by Andrew Lloyd Webber.
> He raised his hand and
Servo: Scully, LOOK OUT!
Mike: This guy's a *menace*!
> slowly carressed her cheek.
Servo: Oh.
Mike: Crow? Are you all right? Kinda quiet over there.
Crow: Huh? Oh, yeah. I guess...
> " I
>honestly don't care if you quit the F.B.I. Just don't quit me." She
>stared blankly into his dark, hazel eyes.
Crow: (Scully) I wonder if I can get to my gun before he realizes
it...
> " I love you too much." She
>felt tears threatning to fall.
Servo: (tears) I'm gonna do it, man. I'm gonna fall!
> She knew that she felt the same way.
>"Mulder, when I said I didn't love you......I didn't mean it. I do
love
>you. The things that have been going on aren't your fault."
Mike: (Mulder) Even your Mom's car accident?
Crow: (Scully) Even that.
Mike: (Mulder) Even though I cut her brake lines because I thought
she
was in league with Cancer-Man?
> She reached
>for his hand, regreting what she had said to him before.
Crow: (Scully) Why did I tell him I *loved* him? I *hate* this jerk!
>"Mulder, would you do me a favor?"
>"Anything."
Servo: (Scully) Would you paint my apartment?
>".........Kiss me."
>Theres not one thing that I would rather be doing.
Mike: Except writing the story in the first person, now.
> With those words he
>started to comb through her hair gently.
Crow: Then not so gently. Then he started *ripping* it out in big
clumps.
Mike: Are you *sure* you're all right?
Crow: I'm fine. Why do you ask?
> Then one by one, he planted
>little kisses around her face until he reached her lips. He leaned
>forward and kissed her. It was at first so soft but it then became
more
>passionate and forceful. They stopped for air.
All: [Loud gasping noises]
> He grabbed the blanket on
>the chair and pulled it over them. " I love you Dana Katherine
Scully."
>
>" I love you Fox William Mulder."
Crow: (Scully) Hit me again, would you?
> He kissed her forehead and
>turned off the light.
>That was the night he had the best sleep ever.
>The end.
>
[Mike picks up Servo and they start to leave the theater.]
>
>email me at yin...@centuryinter.net and tell me what you think!
>
>
[commercials for every SciFi show in existence except ONE]