Misted A Short walk
damen
In the not too distant future...
(SOL. Crow is playing cards with a nanite. No one else is with them)
Crow: I don't know, I still think that nude nanite playing cards are
still a dumb idea. First, there's not much of a buisiness if you can't
even see you're customers, and second, i can't even see what's on these
things!Is this an ace?
(shows card in front of him, which looks blank)
Nanite: Uh, um, no. No, of course it's not!
Crow: Hey, did I just hear a laugh?Wait a minute, how many of you guys
are there here, anyway. I know that wasn't you!
Nanite: No just me! There's not even one tiny microscopic little one of
us looking at your deck!Where did you get such a stupid idea? (uneasy
laugh)
(Mike and Tom walk in)
Mike: Crow, what are you doing? You're supposed to be driving!
Crow: What, a guy can't take a break? All I'm doing is playing a little
game with my little friend here!
Tom: Crow, what if Mrs. Forrester catches up with us? You know what will
happen!
(strange noise is heard outside)
Tom: Oh great Crow, now Mrs. Forrresters transporting the post over!
Mike: No Twinkies tonight, Crow!
(Van. Mrs. Forrester is at the wheel, and Proffesor Bobo is asleep in
the corner)
Mrs.F: Hello Mike. Thought you could hide from me again? Well, I thought
that during this short reunion, I'd show you a little X-Files "fanfic,"
if that's what you can call it. Happy haunting.
(SOL. lights are flashing)
All: WE'VE GOT USENET SIGN!
6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
(Mike and Bots are entering theatre)
Hong Te wrote:
>
> Hi! This is the first story I'm posting so BE NICE!
Crow: Do you think we should?
Mike:I don't know, let's give him a chance.
> By the way, I created a story a year ago which is about
> twelve wordperfect pages long and I need someone to
> proof read and edit it .
Tom: He wasn't able to find someone to look at his work for a year?
Crow: Mike, do we still have to be nice?
Mike: Just wait, a mintue.
>So if you someone, please
> reply.
Crow: Dear Hong Te, I am someone, can I skip editing your work and just
riff it?
> Thanks.
Crow: You mean I can?
>
> Disclamer: If I had enough brains to make up Mulder and
> Scully
Mike: I wouldn't be making this fanfic.
I wouldn't had failed my chemistry midterm.
Tom: Or fifth grade, or highschool, or life...
> They belong to Chris Carter, Fox, and 10/13 so don't
> sue
Tom: Hey Mike, can we?
Mike: Now that's going to far.
>unless you really want my Chemisty text.
Mike: Or my money.
>
> Category: MSR in a strange way.
Mike: Nurse, give me MSR stat!
> Most Scully angst.
Tom: Have you been showing any signs of these syndromes? Disbelief in
anything the slightest bit outlandish, lack of expressions, or ability to
get caught by the bad guy a lot? If so, you may be suffering from Most
Scully Angst.
>
> Rating: Strong R for disturbing situation but I'm not sure.
Crow: He doesn't know if what he writes is disturbing?
Mike: That's disturbing.
> It could be PG-13 or even NC-17.
Tom: Well that narrows it down.
> If you have an
> appropriate rating, email me. I don't know how you
> rate your stories. BUT NO KIDDIES!!!!
Mike: Kiddies are absalutely NOT allowed to review my work!
> A bit of
> reference to sex.
Mike: Hey, should I let the bots see this then?Hello?!Hey!
Crow: Yeah Mike, get us out of this.
Tom: Me too!
>
> - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
> A Short Walk
Tom: Across the dotted line.
> Dead leaves swirled by my feet as I passed them.
Crow: I knew I shouldn't have had Mexican.
> Curling at the edges and immensely wrinkled, they caught the
> sun's ray and shone brightly in the dusty autumn morning.
Mike: It was a wonderful day for a funural...
> A faint smile played on my full lips
All: Eeeewwwww...
> as I walked to meet my lover.
All: Eeeeewwwwww...
Mike: Even worse.
> Fall was the most beautiful season in the
> world and today was Mulder's birthday.
Crow: Oh boy, I have a feeling I know who this is.
Tom: So late? Every X-Files sex story has Mulder and Scully involved.
>I love Mulder with a
> love that was pure and unconditional.
Crow: Isn't that the same thing Leorana said to John?
Mike & Tom: CROW!
> To the outside world, I looked professional, dressed
Tom: Well, being dressed *is* pretty proffesional.
> in a brown business suit, my light auburn hair short and neat,
Mike: Here it comes...
Tom: Hmmmm, now who has short auburn hair in the X-Files?
> my face unemotional and stoical except for my smile. But my
> smile was hard to see.
Crow: (Scully) Mostly because my unemotional face covered it up.
> Last night still lingered in my mind. Mulder's lips,
Crow: Oh God, please don't let it go any further.
> his strong hands, his beautiful body against mine.
Mike: (Scully) His horrible stench overpowering my nose.
Tom: (mother voice) Mulder, have you been carousing with aliens again?
> As far as
> I was concerned,
Mike: I could live without being in this fanfic.
Tom: So could we.
>he was the most beautiful man in the world.
All: (singing) It's a small world after all!
> Beautiful inside and out.
Bots: Ewwwwwwww!
Mike: She means his soul guys.
Tom: Oh.
Crow: I knew that. I just didn't want to reveal it.
Mike: Yeah right, Crow.
Tom: For a minute there I thought that this guy had gone too far with the
story.
>Just thinking about him was getting
> me wet already.
All: AAAUUUUGGGGHHHHH!
Crow: Actually Tom, he just did go too far.
> They shot him four days ago.
Tom: What?
Crow: Does this have anything to with the rest of the story?
Mike: Let's hope not.
> No one thought he would
> live
Tom: Probably because they were the ones who shot him, and they were just
hoping.
> but I cut him up, removed the bullets, and stitched him
> up. After all, I am a doctor, his doctor.
Crow: Dr. Love!
Mike: Crow, don't urge this guy on!He might write a sequel!
> Last night was when I declared my love for him.
Mike: i showed it by giving him cany hearts with messages on him.
> We
> ended up making love for the rest of the night. I never
> experienced such a passion in my life.
Crow: Well, maybe I loved my dog more than Mulder, but it was close!
> The building stands before me as I enter it.
Mike: And this is important because?
> I
> know which room to go to. Heels clicking on the hard
> concrete floor, I walk across the room to the cabinet
> doors.
Crow: (Scully) Better liquer up before I go in to see Mulder.
> I told him I would meet him here; I would never leave
> him. With a firm jerk,
Mike: I killed the bastard right then and there.
> I yank the door out.
> Mulder is lying on the stainless steel slab, a white
> blanket drapped over his cold body.
Mike: Oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please, I hope he left me in
his will, oh please, oh please...
> Slowly I take off my
> clothes and climb onto the table beside him.
Crow: (Scully) Then I was thrown out because I forgot I was at a
hospital.
> He won't be
> cold for long.
Tom: Oh please, stop it right there!
>
> The END
> - - - - - - - - - - - -
>
All:Yay! No explicit details!
> There!!! I hope you like it!!!!
Crow: Those who did, raise there arm.
No one does.
> If you didn't, remember it's my first post.
Tom: No, really?
Mike: Maybe he's just saying this so he won't be flamed.
Crow: Yeah, like there's a chance in hell.
> If you can think up a rating, thanks!!!
>
Tom: Well, let me think, he ruined everything that the X-Files stands
for, he traumatized about everyone who read this-
Crow: Totally destroyed Scully's character as a mild, unemotional woman-
Tom: I wouldn't even let the public witness this, let alone give it a
rating.
> - - - - - - - -- - - -
>
> "I'd consider it more than a professional loss if
> you decided to leave."
> -Scully
Mike: Whatn does that have to do with this?
Tom: This story was the exact opposite of that!
>
> "If there's ice tea in that bag, it could be love"
> -Mulder
> - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Mike: No, decaf! Let's go guys.
(all leave theatre)
1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...
(SOL. a tv is on, showing a soap opera with a couple kissing, and Crow
and Tom are cowering in a corner)
TV Woman: Oh, I love you so much, darling!
Bots: Mike, help us! It's too horrible to watch! Too many bad memories!
(Mike walks in and looks at them)
Mike: What are you guys crying about?
Crow: That!
(Crow points to tv, and Mike looks)
Mike: (sighs) Makes me homesick. I remember my old girlfriend...
Bots: AAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!YOU'RE EVIL!
(Van. Proffesor Bobo is now sleepwalking and walking towards Pearl)
Prof.B: I love you pure and unconditional.
Mrs.F: Get away from me, monkey boy!
Prof.B: What? It's a beautiful autumm day, and besides, it's your
birthday!
(Mrs. F points her gun at Prof. Bobo)
Mrs.F: Now just back away!
Prof.B: Are you cold? I can warm you!
(gunshot is heard and there's a thump heard as Mrs. F pushed the button)
\ | /
- 0 - Pwoosh!
/ | \
Prof. Bobo is heard waking up and saying: AAUGGGHH!The rest of my toes!
Mystery Science Theatre 3000 and all of it's characters,situations,etc...
are copyright of Best Brains, Inc. I hope I don't get sued for this.
Also, this is not a personal attack on Hong Te or anyone else on the
alt.x-files.creative newsgroup. It is meant for fun and games, and shouls
not be taken seriously.
>Could be rated PG-13 or NC-17.