MiSTed - Out of the Woods (5/7)
Bill Livingston
CROW: They get Mercy? Why don't we?
MIKE: Remember? Mad Scientists, evil experiments, etc.?
> Mulder and Scully escaped
CROW: To Wisconsin
> the already rising heat of
>morning as they stepped into the hospital. Mulder was
>worried about Scully; he had sat down to breakfast that
>morning with his cowlick starting straight up from his head
>on purpose to amuse her and she hadn't even noticed.
CROW: Ah, that sophisticated Mulder humor surfaces once again
>Something was wrong and she didn't want to tell him.
MIKE: [as Scully] After three years, I'm *sick* of you!
> "Scully, did you sleep okay last night?"
SERVO: [singing] I couldn't sleep at all last night!
> Mulder asked
>as casually as he could muster, grabbing a donut from the
>waiting room tray. Scully stalled by pouring herself a
>large cup of coffee.
CROW: This is turning into a very sugar and caffeine intensive post.
> "Fine, Mulder. I...dreamed,
MIKE: And you were there! And Hunk, Hickory, and Cooper!
> but- why, do I look like
>hell or something?"
CROW: Or something, yeah
> "No," he sputtered, "no, it's just, well, I..."
SERVO: I want to be a woman!
> "At least you got your hair back in place somehow," she
>smiled as she sat on one of the soft couches.
SERVO: Mulder kind of has Opie hair, doesn't he?
MIKE: Yeah, and Scully has the Hillary Clinton special
CROW: Still, it beats Cooper's Jack Lord Helmet Coiffure!
> Mulder only bit into his donut, perplexed.
MIKE: What the - who put pork gravy in this thing?
> Whenever he
>thought he had this woman figured out, she promptly found
>ways to surprise him,
CROW: It's a chipper-shredder, like it?
SERVO: Thanks, it's just the thing for those Ratliff posts!
> the corners of her mouth tweaking
>upwards ever so slightly as she relieved him of his
>premature assumptions.
CROW: Is that legal?
MIKE: I think you have to be a licensed therapist or something.
> He was saved from further
>embarrassment by the arrival of a familiar clipped voice
>reverberating along the hallway.
SERVO: [as Ross Perot] Now listen, that giant suckin' sound,
ya see, that's NAFTA. Can I just say somethin' here? *Can*
*I* *say* *somethin'*?
> "Fox!
MIKE: UPN!
CROW: Lifetime!
SERVO: Comedy Central!
CROW: Suck-up!
> I'm here, so let's get this show on the road."
> Albert Rosenfield stormed down the hall,
SERVO: The wind... *The Wind*!!
> a black
>billowing trench coat matching his black suit and dark
>sunglasses.
MIKE: Mah name's Johnny Cash, an' Ah wuz born in prison!
> Close-cropped hair completed his G-man persona.
SERVO: Lee! Rico! Youngblood!
>Mulder approached him, a smile on his face, and hesitated;
>he really wanted to embarrass the stolid Rosenfield with a
>show of affection,
SERVO: Not *here*.
CROW: Aw, you're no fun anymore!
> but decided to spare him and offered a
>firm handshake instead. "Albert, it's just Mulder."
SERVO: It's Mulder the Just, magistrate of olde!
MIKE: It's Theodoric of York, Medieval Barber!
> "Fox, if I have to call you Mulder you have to call me
>Agent Rosenfield."
SERVO: Call me Ishmael.
CROW: Call me a taxi.
MIKE: All right, you're a taxi.
CROW & SERVO: D'OH!!
> "Deal,"
CROW: Okay, a jack, a duece, ten hearts, an ace for the new agent,
and for Bob, the 6 of clubs.
MIKE: [snickering] Maybe Bob sould have gotten "Todd"!
CROW: [also snickering] Yeah, that would have calmed him down.
SERVO: [Calmly] Todd would be all right with that.
> in an aside to Scully, who had risen from her
>seat to watch the men with amusement, Mulder added, "we go
>through this every time we run into each other. Our little
>ritual."
MIKE: Sorta like compulsive hand-washing
> Rosenfield's face contorted into something resembling a
>smile
CROW: He's turning into Jack Nicholson
SERVO: Or Christian Slater
CROW: Same thing
> as Mulder made introductions. "Agent Rosenfield,
>Agent Dana Scully."
SERVO: And Michael Ovitz, SUPER-AGENT!!
> They shook hands. "I hear you're very good." Dana said.
> "You heard right." He whipped off his sunglasses and
>began tugging at his black leather gloves,
MIKE: [as Bullwinkle] Nothin' up muh sleeve!
> placing the black
>medical bag he carried with him carefully at his feet.
CROW: Okay, who wanted the Uma Thurman special?
MIKE: Uma, Albert...Al-
CROW: Oh, just let it die.
>"Where's Cooper?" he demanded. "I want to get started and
>get away from you characters as quickly as possible, comprende?"
SERVO: Yeah, we know the feeling!
CROW: Wasn't there a plot involved with all this at some point?
MIKE: Who needs plot as long as you have character development?
CROW: Thank you, Leo Tolstoy
> Scully looked at Mulder with an expression of quiet
>disbelief at the man's attitude, but Mulder just grinned and
>gestured with an outstretched arm.
MIKE: Now that wasn't very nice.
>
> They entered Cooper's room quietly to find a nurse just
>drawing the heavy blinds.
SERVO: Oh, an artist
CROW: No, that's *artiste*.
> Cooper turned his head from the
>brilliant sunshine to rest his eyes upon his visitors.
CROW: Isn't it kind of dangerous for someone who never blinks to
stare at the sun like that?
SERVO: FBI agents have a special nictitating membrane.
>He sprung from his bed with sudden abandon to envelop
>Rosenfield in a back-thumping hug, nearly startling the
>other man into dropping his medical bag.
MIKE: Hey, you made me spill my beenies.
> "Albert!" Cooper exclaimed with obvious joy.
CROW: Do you have Agent Albert in a can? Well, you better let him
out! Yah-hah-hah-hah, ya see, heh, let him - yeah.
> Rosenfield busily brushed himself off and regained his
>composure.
SERVO: And his $100 damage deposit
> "Dale Cooper," he said brusquely, "I don't see
>anything wrong with you.
CROW: Well, you ain't looking too hard, pal!
> Why the hell do you keep calling
>me to these washed out burgs where the natives are as
>annoying as the climate and the coffee even worse?"
MIKE: How to win friends and influence people
> Cooper ignored the man's ranting and rubbed his hands
>together.
CROW: Weird posting? You're soaking in it!
> "Albert, I'm eager for news. How is everyone in
>Twin Peaks?"
MIKE: Well, how the heck should I know? They canceled it three,
four years ago!
> Even Rosenfield fidgeted under Cooper's undying
>enthusiasm, Mulder noted.
SERVO: Tuesday: Subject became edgy and nervous when exposed
to perkiness. Wednesday: subject died when shown reruns of
"Mary Tyler Moore"
> "Err, fine Cooper. I spoke to
>Truman and he sends his best."
CROW: Oh, wow, he's channeling dead presidents!
MIKE: Yeah, through his wallet.
> "Good old Harry. Deputy Hawk and Andy?"
> "Both of them are well."
SERVO: Hoss, Little Joe, and Adam?
MIKE: Fine.
CROW: Bones and Scotty?
MIKE: Fine.
SERVO: Laura and Mrs. Krebbs?
MIKE: Fine.
CROW: Chester, Corrine, and Burt?
MIKE: Well...
> "I must return to Twin Peaks."
SERVO: I must go down to the peaks again!
> He looked at Mulder and
>Scully who hung back, not wanting to intrude in their
>exchange,
CROW: Uh, who's not intruding in who's exchange?
MIKE: Well... hm-m-m!
SERVO: Oh boy, pronoun jumble again!
> and smiled broadly, "The trees there are just
>amazing."
CROW: I'm Ewell Gibbons. Did you know that many parts of a pine
tree are edible?
> An awkward moment of silent agreement passed
SERVO: [whispering] Does he know those were fake trees?
MIKE: [as Albert] Forget it pal, what he doesn't know won't hurt him,
comprende?
>until Cooper asked Rosenfield boldly, "Albert, did you
>speak to Annie Blackburn?"
> Rosenfield looked down at his shoes. "Yes, Cooper."
CROW: Hey, he's using crib notes!
> Cooper's face was filled with struggling emotion,
MIKE: [as Shatner] MILLIONS...ofPEOPLE...whohaveneverDIEDbefore...
willbeKILLED!
>"How is she?"
> "Well,"
SERVO: [as Reagan] Well, there you go again.
> Rosenfield said carefully, still avoiding
>Cooper's gaze, "It's Annie...Truman now."
SERVO: Hey, a previous plot point revisited, neat.
CROW: That just proves it's not the real Twin Peaks.
> Albert looked up
>with surprising compassion in his usually hard eyes and said
>quietly, "They both send you their best."
SERVO: Well, you know, spending five years in the nut hatch after
assaulting your girl will kind of put a damper on romance.
> Cooper's face registered no change. He blinked for an
>instant then said sincerely, "That's wonderful, Albert. I
>hope they are very happy.
CROW: That's the kind of statement that comes right before an order
of boiled rabbit McNuggets.
> Harry took Josie's death pretty
>hard. I'll have to congratulate them."
SERVO: Wasn't she the one whose soul wound up trapped in a dresser
drawer knob?
MIKE: That's something you don't see every day.
SERVO: I bet you do if you're David Lynch.
> Albert only nodded, not voicing what they all knew;
CROW: The Taster's Choice couple didn't live happily ever after?
SERVO: Lara Flynn Boyle's movie career is a fluke?
MIKE: "Babylon 5" is a "Deep Space 9" clone?
CROW & SERVO: Fa-a-an Boy! Fa-a-an Boy!
MIKE: Oh, knock it off!
>that Annie Blackburn had taken Dale's "death" very badly,
>with much guilt, and was extremely fortunate to have found
>warmth and understanding in Sheriff Harry Truman.
SERVO: Because no one else had been able to.
> Cooper set his jaw,
CROW: Where?
> his face unreadable, and returned
>to business. "You've met Agent Scully?"
> Albert was visibly relieved at the change of topic.
CROW: Next he'd have had to tell him his mother had adopted
David Duchovny!
>"Yes Cooper, now where's the other guy I'm supposed to
>examine?"
> "In the morgue," Mulder said.
> Albert's eyebrows shot upwards, "Everyone's always
>dying to meet me.
ALL: D'OH!!!
> What happened?"
CROW: Well, first there was this big bang, then there were
dinosaurs, then George Washington...
> "That's what you're supposed to tell us," Scully
>replied.
SERVO: Well, you're so smart, missy, why don't *you* do
the autopsy?
> "I'll get right on it."
> Mulder nodded to Scully and she motioned to Rosenfield
>to follow her.
CROW: No more noddin'!
> They exited the room and Cooper looked
>questioningly at Mulder.
> "Mulder, whose body is Albert about to examine?"
CROW: Probably Scully's, nyah-hah!
> Mulder looked at Cooper with concern and decided that
>if Cooper wanted to talk about other things, he would. "Dr.
>Stephen Drew died two nights ago."
SERVO: Oh, the guy I pummeled to death?
> "I see." Cooper frowned and asked Mulder, "Have you
>gone over the personnel files from Raven Hill yet?"
MIKE: Now is *not* the time to discuss a raise.
> "No, they were supposed to send them here.
MIKE: Snail mail?
SERVO: It's the government, isn't it?
> I was just
>going to get them while you," Mulder pushed Cooper gently
>back onto the bed, "get some more rest. When Scully gets
>back we'll go over them together."
CROW: Mr. Mulder, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?
> Cooper nodded and placed his hand on Mulder's forearm.
>"Thanks Mulder."
MIKE: Eew-w! Stop touching me, ya' weirdo.
>
> Scully looked at the body of Dr. Stephen Drew.
SERVO: Well, he's dead all right. Who's for lunch?
>With her trained professional eye, Scully didn't see anything
>unusual about the body, at least on the surface.
CROW: The fact that "BOB WUZ HEER" was spray painted on
his stomach was pure coincidence
> In death,
>the body was essentially a pile of biochemical elements;
MIKE: Ah, a romantic!
>Scully found it difficult to imagine that the decaying body
>before her could contain an evil manifestation, spirit, what
>have you.
SERVO: Unless, of course, it's Richard Bey's body.
MIKE: Dreamer.
> Rosenfield had declined her offer of assistance,
>at least for the preliminary dissection, but would be happy
>to go over the detailed analysis with her.
MIKE: [as Albert] Now the big red thing is the heart
SERVO: [as Scully] But why doesn't it look like the candy boxes?
CROW: [as Gump] Autopsies are like a box o' chocolitts: you never
know what you're gonna find inside one that's really squishy.
> As this would be
>much later, the sounds of Rosenfield sharpening his tools
>was the signal for Scully to depart. She had no desire to
>linger. Scully returned to Cooper's room to join the men
SERVO: In holy matrimony
>in reviewing the personnel files of Raven Hill, which included
>the two hundred or so inmates.
CROW: So, I see you've completed the Broadman project, Mr.,
ah, Nagurski, and you've managed to torch every single
building in Bayonne, NJ.
SERVO: [gruffly] I feel dat I've netwoiked wit' me contemporaries
nicely, and I've met me poisenal goals for da' year.
> The three of them sat down
>to their long, but necessary task, making sure that their
>large carafe of coffee and tray of donuts were always
>filled.
SERVO: Ah, donuts: the universal constant of law enforcement.
>
>[12:30 PM]
> Woozy from coffee, a sugar rush, and from staring at
>pages and pages of data,
MIKE: She's a Trekker!
CROW & SERVO: Fa-a-an Girl! Fa-a-an Girl!
> Dana stood to stretch. Albert had
>stopped by a few minutes ago
CROW: Just to brighten their lives
> to tell them he had dropped off
>tissue samples to the lab and it would be a while before
>those results would come in.
SERVO: I thought it was 30 minutes or less, or the next lab test
was free.
MIKE: They had to drop that because of all the centrifuge accidents
SERVO: Oh, like in "Outbreak".
> In the meantime, he and Mulder
>had gone off in search of something for lunch.
CROW: Well, while they're playing "hunter-gatherer", there's a
Pizza Hut just down the block
> Cooper was
>pushing his hospital food around its tray, still
SERVO: He's building Devil's Tower, Wyoming, with his mashed
potatoes!
>concentrating on a file propped open upon his knees. Dana
>watched him for a minute, curious about what exactly had
>happened those last days in Twin Peaks;
MIKE: [as Cooper] Diane, ABC is breathing down our necks.
Just had a network VP come in and search my trailer for
dry-ink markers & copier paper. Damn fine coffee, though!
> the events he
>didn't put into his reports. Despite his outward perpetual
>cheeriness, Cooper was obviously a man who had experienced
>hurt, pain, and the darker sides of life.
CROW: Yeah, he was outbilled in the same movie by Rick Moranis
*and* Rosie O'Donnell.
SERVO: Geez, no wonder he went nuts!
> She wanted to
>reach out to him, comfort him, if she could, but she didn't
>feel it was her place to even try.
MIKE: [as Scully] I'm an FBI agent, I'm not *allowed* to have
emotions and feelings.
SERVO: J. Edgar Hoover does not believe in tears.
> Secrets... she mused,
>secrets are dangerous things- didn't you tell me that,
>Agent Cooper?
CROW: Well, he's not gonna answer unless you ask him!
> Dana excused herself hastily,
CROW: Sorry, it's the clams.
> grabbed the file on Dr.
>Drew that Agent Rosenfield had left behind, and moved to the
>visitors area, sinking gratefully into one of the soft
>couches.
MIKE: Quicksand couches!
> So far their research had turned up nothing
>significant,
SERVO: Except Bob's full name, address, phone number, and resume.
> and Scully was beginning to feel as if this
>investigation was a huge mistake.
ALL: EXACTLY!
> Yet she now had a certain
>respect for those involved- Cooper, Rosenfield, Trent-
SERVO: Isn't that the Whitewater law firm?
> they
>were not people to be taken lightly on any level. And then
>there was Mulder...
MIKE: [singing] That uncompromising, enterprising, anything but [breaks
off as the bots look at him]. What?
> She tucked her hair behind her ear
SERVO: Well, that's certainly a neat trick.
CROW: It's the new Seattle look.
> and began reading
>the stats and Albert's preliminary autopsy report on Drew.
CROW: [as Scully] Let's see, she hasn't had a big hit movie in a
while, but she flashed Letterman on his Birthday, then...
hey, this is the wrong Drew!
>Noting the fact that Drew had lost a lot of weight while in
>his coma,
SERVO: [Minnesotan] Oh, look, he's not gettin' enough to eat!
CROW: [ditto] Yah, he's just skin and bones.
SERVO: Oh we should make him a nice Casserole or somethin'.
CROW: Oh, Yah, he'd really like that, Y'think.
> Scully found nothing else significant about his
>condition and eventual death. Broken ribs, a skull
>fracture...the potential for a blood clot traveling to his
>brain was evident.
SERVO: And this *isn't* significant?!?
> He had been fairly elderly, with no
>family or other ties to speak of.
MIKE: He's kind of an informal guy.
CROW: Huh?
MIKE: No ties
> She sighed heavily,
>frustration building...and then she saw something that drove
>any fuzziness from her brain.
CROW: Wal-Mart's having a lingerie sale!
> Drew had returned to
>consciousness for six hours the day he died!
MIKE: Yeah, but he spent the entire time watching the Sunday
Afternoon "AbFab" marathon.
SERVO: Kiss-kiss, sweetie darling!
> Scully sat up
>right away. There was a chance that Drew could have sent
>Mulder the fax...she needed to consult the nurse on duty
>that day.
SERVO: [as Scully] Excuse me, did you see a comatose guy lugging
a Pitney-Bowes 9720 around here the other day?
> She returned to the room, Cooper looking up at her with
>his large blue eyes.
CROW: Agent Cooper, what big eyes you have!
MIKE: All the better to see Bob with, my dear!
> "Cooper, I'm going to go upstairs to
>speak with the nurse who treated Dr. Drew."
> Cooper regarded her admiringly. "You have a hunch?"
SERVO: [bitterly] Sure, keep bringing up my physical deformity! *I
am not an animal!!*
> Scully fidgeted under his scrutiny, "Yes, I do.
CROW: I now pronounce you agent and agentess.
>Can you tell Mulder and Rosenfield if they get back before I do?"
> "Certainly, Scully." He hesitated. "Would you like me
>to accompany you?"
MIKE: Guitar and harmonica? Sure.
> Scully smiled and headed for the door. "Thank you
>Cooper, but I don't think you'd be a very effective agent
>wearing only your hospital gown.
SERVO: That's how Hoover used to do it.
> I won't be long."
CROW: Yeah, well I bet Cooper'll...
MIKE: You need your CPU purged!
SERVO: Just make him stop reading 95% of alt.humor, he'll be OK.
>
> Cooper was left alone again, blinking and humbled.
SERVO: [announcer] Yes, we here at Blinking & Humbold will
handle your disability claim for only 95% of the award fee.
>He was beginning to see why Mulder had Dana Scully as a partner
>after all.
CROW: Well, *somebody's* gotta keep him from walking off a cliff.
MIKE: You think Scully's got one of those kiddie leashes around her
wrist with Mulder on the other end?
>
>[Fifth floor, Mercy Hospital]
MIKE: Hey, this is the maternity ward!
> Scully thanked the orderly and let him return to his
>duties.
CROW: [gruff] C'mon, lady, I got bedpans to empty!
SERVO: [as Scully] First you have to make me a sandwich.
> On the night in question, Dr. Drew had been found
>wandering the halls late at night, seemingly revived from
>his comatose state.
MIKE: He's a cast member of "The State"?
SERVO: Then how could they tell if he was really comatose?
> Before he was discovered, an emergency
>had left the nurses' station empty for a few minutes,
SERVO: The Diet Coke guy was eating lunch.
MIKE: Boy, he's Lucky!
> giving
>Drew the perfect opportunity to use the fax and obliterate
>traces of his work. Scully wondered briefly if he had also
>instigated the emergency as part of his plan.
CROW: So the comatose guy is the evil mastermind?
MIKE: Yeah, pretty much.
> How did this relate to the idea of Killer Bob?
SERVO: About as much as the rest of this.
> Scully
>felt that with a little more investigation, a case
CROW: Of Red Dog
> against
>Dr. Stephen Drew could probably be constructed; perhaps he
>was trying some convoluted scheme of vengeance against
>Cooper for the injuries he had received?
MIKE: This guy pummeled me half to death with his own skull -
I'll send an incomprehensible fax to a random acquaintance of
his - *that'll* fix him!!
> That explanation
>was certainly wanting-
CROW: Wanting what?
SERVO: Wanting to to be taken out and shot like a mad dog!
> it didn't explain Cooper's sudden
>recovery from insanity, for starters.
SERVO: Turning the radio off the all-Howard Stern channel probably
helped.
> Scully pursed her
>lips and frowned.
CROW: She made a slick purse out of an agent's lips
MIKE: That's pretty lame, Crow.
CROW: Hey, it's been a *long* post, Nelson!
> She'd have to talk to Mulder about her
>discoveries before...looking up,
MIKE: Remember, always discuss your discoveries with Mulder
before looking up
CROW: [mournfully] Why don't they look?
> Scully found herself
>standing in front of room 513- Dr. Drew's hospital room.
>Intrigued, she decided to have a look inside.
CROW: Yoo-hoo, orderly, I found one you missed!
>
>[1:32 PM]
CROW: And All's Well!
> "Cooper, where's Scully?" Mulder asked as he and
>Rosenfield returned with sandwiches and drinks.
SERVO: Am I my Scully's keeper?
> Mulder
>tossed Cooper a bundle of clothes. "My last clean shirt."
[All sniff]
CROW: I wondered what that was
SERVO: He's waiting for his sister to get back before he does
the laundry.
> "Thank you. Scully wanted to check on Dr. Drew's
>activities the night of his death."
CROW: Basically, it involved dying.
> "Smart thinking," Rosenfield observed.
> Mulder smiled inwardly and said aloud, "Scully has a
>head on her shoulders."
SERVO: Agent Obvious cracks the case!
> "And a body to go with it, eh Mulder?" Rosenfield cracked.
ALL: SHUT UP!!
> "Since when were you ever interested in warm bodies,
>Rosenfield?" Mulder drawled dangerously. Before Albert
>could retaliate, Cooper held up a hand. "I think we can all
>agree that Dana is a beautiful and intelligent woman.
MIKE: Well, let's vote on it.
>Quite an agent."
> Cooper's been paying attention, Mulder thought
>irritably. So where was she?
MIKE: He just told him!
CROW: Yeah, she's gone to see what the dead guy's been up to!
MIKE: Let's get out of here, guys.
O <2> |3| {4} [5] (6)
[SOL - Mike is wearing a leather jacket, and has his hair greased down.
Crow is wearing a patch over one eye, and is holding a stick]
MIKE: ...so I figured since this post is basically an "X-Files" story with a
little "Peaks" grafted onto it, we should just try to bring more of that
crispity, crunchity David Lynch flavor into it.
CROW: I still don't know, Mike.
MIKE: C'mon, dressing as our favorite "Twin Peaks" characters will be a
blast!
CROW: Well, who are you supposed to be?
MIKE: I'm James Hurley, the soulful and sensitive town biker. I mainly go
to school, ride my bike around, and look mournful.
CROW: Well, I couldn't decide between my two favorites, so I combined them.
I'm a sort of combination log lady [indicates stick], and Nadine, who, by
coinky-dink, is James's aunt [Crow assumes a gravely voice] *Curtain
Rods*!! Where are my *curtain rods*!!
MIKE: Hey not bad. [yells off screen] Tom, come on out.
SERVO: [from off] Forget it, Nelson!
CROW: Ah, c'mon Servo.
SERVO: Nuh-uh, no way!
CROW: Hey look, if I dressed up to humor Fonzie here, you can too.
MIKE: Gee, Thanks!
SERVO: [Comes on dressed in a red polyester leisure suit] This is silly!
MIKE: No really, you look just like the dancing dwarf.
[Lights blink]
CROW: Hey, look, the terrible twos are calling.
[D13]
DR.F: Well, Mojo, I just wanted to see how you were holding up.
[SOL]
MIKE: Well, it's no cake walk, but you know, at least it's not
alt.conspiracy or a John_-_Winston post or anything.
SERVO: Hey, why are you so worried all of a sudden?
[D13]
DR.F: I just wanted to make sure you were still with us for the final part.
If you thought all this was strange, just wait, Muah-hah-hah!
FRANK: [off] Dr. Forrester!
DR.F: Oh, and just to show that I'm in the spirit of things, I had Frank
join your little hat party. Frank?
[Frank stumbles in - wrapped in Saran Wrap]
FRANK: [woozily] Dr. F, It's getting hot in here, and everything's kind of
turning purple, and I can't remember my dog's name...
DR.F: Oh don't whine, Frank, it's a character-builder!
FRANK: [wheezes and pitches forward]
[SOL]
SERVO: Geez, that's pretty rough
CROW: Yeah, but at least Frank'll stay fresh all day now.
GYPSY: [off] Mike! [Gypsy comes on, wearing an angora sweater, stuffed to
look like, uh, well, you know, to look *Fenn-ish*]
MIKE: Gypsy?!
GYPSY: Uh-huh. Guess who I am?
CROW: Ed Wood?
MIKE: Well...
GYPSY: [opens her mouth and a red colored piece of rope with about a
dozen knots tied in it falls out] That's a hint.
MIKE: [inhales deeply as commercial sign flashes] Uh, we'll be, uh...
SERVO: [whispers] Right back!
MIKE: Yeah. [Mike hits button, and TP music plays. All start to dance to the
music, which follows the meatball into the...]
[Commercials: 1) The Real Bowl! *flush*
2) Eagles Snacks. IT'S THE FACE!!! IT'S THE FACE!!!
3) Just listening to this screaming kid makes you want to
buy one so that there won't be any more like him!]
----------------------------------------
Bill L.
Not gonna take it from Skinner any more!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Now in 2 delicious flavors:
Original minty (bill.li...@msfc.nasa.gov)
and new crisipity crunchity! (bi...@Traveller.COM)