MiSTed: "The Sorceress of Cyba-3" (1/6)
Jen White6
Part 1 of 6
By JenW...@aol.com and MsSc...@hotmail.com
Original story by Don R. Christensen
[The camera closes in on a small planetoid drifting out in space. It is
airless and cratered, and looks as if it recently lost an argument with a
comet.
Fade in on a room, in which we see five beings: Moltar, a lava man in an
asbestos body suit; Metallus, a metal warrior; Brak, a vaguely feline space
pirate; Zorak, a six-foot-tall mantis; and Black Widow, a pale, gaunt woman.
They leave tracks in the dust and debris on the floor.]
Brak: Sure is dusty.
Zorak: Whaddaya expect. We haven't met here since 1966.
Brak: Then it's been, what... [counts on his fingers] Darn, I need
more fingers. [starts taking off his boots]
Moltar: Forget that. Let's get some coffee.
Zorak: Make mine extra black and thick. I'm taking *road tar*.
Widow: What are you looking at *me* for? Make your own coffee.
Zorak: Just can't get good help these days.
Brak: I'll get it. [leaves the room, holding one boot in his hand]
Zorak: Road tar, remember!
[Metallus looks at the giant, thick metal doors to the room, which are
broken off their hinges] What a waste.
Moltar: Ahh, we'll fix 'em or recycle 'em.
Metallus: [looking up sharply at Moltar] What?
Zorak: Looks like the R-word is a hot button for the Tin Soldier.
Metallus: If I only had some bug spray.
[Brak returns, still carrying his boot in his hand]
Brak: I got the coffee machine goin'. It should be especially good
and thick.
Widow: Why?
Brak: 'Cause the water's all brown, even before I put the coffee stuff
in.
Moltar: Great. Now we have to kidnap a plumber to fix things.
Zorak: Yeah, well, secret hideouts have their drawbacks.
[They go to the table that occupies the center of the room, and take five of
the six seats. A crystalline pyramid occupies the center of the table.
Nobody is paying any attention to it at the moment.]
Metallus: [looking at the empty sixth chair] Where's Creature King?
Moltar: Haven't heard from him in years.
Zorak: Aaaah, no big loss. He's nothing without his zoo.
Widow: That's why we're here. We have an opening for a new member, and
[looking around the table] we *need* new blood.
Zorak: Blood, mmmm. [smacks his mandibles]
Widow: Don't be disgusting.
Metallus: So, we're looking for *two* new members to join us in crushing
Space Ghost.
Zorak: Two?
[Metallus looks pointedly at Brak, who is occupying himself by doodling in
the dust on the table with one finger.]
Widow: Metallus has a point.
Zorak: Yeah. On his head and those spiked knuckles. Fine, whatever,
so long as I get to snack on Space Ghost's head after we destroy him!
Moltar: [picking up a handwritten list on rather-scorched paper] Let's
see. First off, Owlie.
Widow: Who is that?
Moltar: Remember the guy with the robot bird guards?
Zorak: Get outta here!
Metallus: No. My tracking missiles could destroy his birds any time.
Moltar: Check. [wads up a piece of paper and throws it over his
shoulder] How about Dr. Nightmare?
Brak: [looking up] I know him! He looks like one of those guys, um,
you know... EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE! Those guys.
Zorak: Dr. Nightmare? What, he gives people bad dreams?
Moltar: That's what it says on his resume. That, and he's taking a
correspondence course in law.
Widow: Psychological warfare-
Zorak: [interrupting, earning a glare from Widow] BUZZZZZ. Lame-o.
Next contestant!
Moltar: [putting the resume on the bottom of the stack] "The Sorceress
of Cyba-3." Hmm, we've never tried magic. That's a new angle.
Brak: I like magic tricks.
Zorak: So, what's in her resume?
Widow: She doesn't have a resume, she has a story.
Metallus: I don't remember any "Sorceress of Cyba-3".
Brak: Musta been after 1966.
Moltar: 1968, actually. Here it is.
[On cue the pyramid clouds, and begins to display the story.]
> The Sorceress of Cyba-3
>
> CHAPTER 1
Brak: [The Count] One! One chapter! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
[Lightning flashes. All but Brak look around, surprised.]
> AN ALARMING DISCOVERY
Zorak: The REAL reason Space Ghost smells like a barn!
> A billion miles of space are safer because of Space Ghost and his
> unique powers of speed and invisibility, with the help of his young
> partners, the twins, Jace and Jan, and Blip, their tiny space monkey.
Zorak: I woulda defeated Space Ghost if it hadn't been for those
meddling kids! And their rotten space monkey!
> Yet, they themselves were in great danger when they were caught in
> the web of Queen Satanari!
Widow: WHAT!
Zorak: Oh, great. Like we need another creepy spider broad.
> But on the day it all began, there was no sign of danger at their
> Ghost Planet base when Jan decided she needed
Widow: A better part. She was sick of babysitting the monkey.
> more shiny *brillia* stones
Brak: Not regular ol' stones, but *brillia* stones!
> for the star-map mosaic she was making.
Brak: In the bottom of the space pool.
> I'm going to try that gully beyond the onyx ridge," she declared.
Zorak: [singing] Everybody must get stones.
> "There should be some sparkly ones there. Want to come, Jace?" she called
> to her brother,
Moltar: [Jace] No, you put on this red shirt and go by yourself.
> who was helping Space Ghost do a minor tune-up job on the
> Phantom Cruiser, their sleek spaceship.
Metallus: It won't be sleek when I get through with it! [He slams a metal
fist down on the table - BANG! Everyone jumps.]
> Jace shook his head. And so Jan went to meet a weird fate alone!
Brak: Hi, Jan. I'm a weird fate. You're just in time for your 10:00
appointment.
> Alone, because Blip did not count.
Zorak: Since they taped mittens over his hands.
> The little monkey could never
> report the strange happenings that were to follow.
Widow: I just KNOW Blip's going to bring Space Ghost's power bands back
to him after they get stolen.
Brak: Or jump on the bad guy's head and let Space Ghost get away.
Metallus: all those times, I should have set my missiles on the monkey.
> It was Blip who saw the sphere first. Just the top of it was
> glowing out of a nest of dust.
Brak: Oooo, A Shiny Object! I like this story.
Widow: It's not a story, you nincompoop. This actually happened.
Brak: Huh? We're watchin' a story! [pointing to the pyramid] See?
Zorak: [To Black Widow] Don't. You'll break his brain.
> "Blip! Blip!" he chattered, dancing around it.
Brak: [2001 theme] Daaah, daaah, daaah, DA-DAAAAH!
> Scooping the surrounding dust away, Jan exclaimed, "Why, it's as
> round as a ball!" Then she touched it and her hands grew cold.
> It was as if the warmth of her hands were draining away into the
> sphere.
Zorak: So, she has nothing to sphere but sphere itself.
[Everyone groans. Zorak snickers.]
> She drew her hands back in sudden fear. But the sphere held on
> to her, as if by an invisible bond.
Brak: Or like if you lick a flagpole in the winter when it's really
cold.
> Unspoken words were reaching out to her, probing her mind, pleading,
> "To a pool--take me to a pool and free me. Your touch is life--free me,
> free me."
Metallus: Nobody is THAT foolish!
Moltar: Even Space Ghost wouldn't fall for that.
Widow: This will be one very short story.
> Nearby, a glistening pond shone like beckoning light in the blue
> haze of Ghost Planet.
Metallus: Skip the weather report and get on with it.
> Carefully Jan lifted the shimmering globe.
Moltar: Which was still stuck to her hand, so she really didn't have
much choice.
> Minutes later she watched it settle in the cool waters of the
> spring-fed pool.
Widow: WHAT?!
Moltar: What a sap.
Zorak: Yeesh! Just tell her to do something, and she does it! All
those years I spent scheming, I shoulda just told HER to kill Space Ghost!
> She could not tear her gaze away. Suddenly the sphere
> dissolved and a cloud aura appeared and became a form. Jan knew she was
> seeing the phenomenon of molecular reassembly!
Metallus: Smart kid. Now she'll know molecular *disassembly* when she
sees it, too.
> It was all so unbelievably strange. She wanted to run and tell
> Space Ghost and Jace. Behind her, Blip was shouting loud warning cries,
> but she could not move. It was like a dream, but she knew that it was
> not a dream.
Moltar: Just like Jan and Jace are like sidekicks, but they're not
sidekicks.
Zorak: Instant hostages, just add teens.
> Before Jan's eyes, the waters parted around the rising figure of a
> woman who was moving toward Jan. A cascade of tiny droplets shimmered
> down her silvery costume.
Metallus: Watch out. Rust will sneak up on you.
> "Do not be afraid, girl," the woman said in words that sounded
> unintelligible, yet somehow conveyed their meaning.
Moltar: The mime act helped.
> "I am the good queen of the planet Cyba-three. I was reduced to
> atomic dusts by the cruel conquerors of my lovely world and exiled into
> the wide seas of space. I was very fortunate I landed here."
Moltar: I get the feeling someone's being paid by the adjective.
> Jan nodded. "I--I'm glad I happened to find you."
Widow: [Jan] I--I'm no good at small talk.
> Why was Blip hiding? she wondered. Why was he chattering so
> worriedly? The tall queen was beautiful. She sparkled like a lovely
> gem. Her eyes were deep with violet shadows.
Brak: She's pretty! I like her.
Widow: [frowning at Brak] Hmmph. Not very villainous looking, is she?
Moltar: [shrugging] Eh.
Zorak: Looks to me like she'd taste like chicken.
Metallus: Do you ever think of anything besides your stomach?
Zorak: Yes, but it's not mating season yet.
> "And what is your name, my child?" the queen whispered gently.
Brak: [Jan] MOM?! You finally came back!
> "I'm Jan. I live here with my brother, Jace, and Space Ghost."
Widow: [Satanari] I didn't ask for your autobiography, child.
> The lovely red lips arched into a biting snarl. "You mean *this* is
> the planet base of Space Ghost?"
Moltar: [sarcastically] What're the odds she'd end up *there*? Go
figger.
> Slender but incredibly strong fingers closed on Jan's wrists as
> veiled eyes searched the nearby ridge.
> "He may have guessed the truth," the woman hissed.
Brak: The truth is out there.
> "The truth?" Jan echoed. Then she gave a quick cry of pain.
Widow: [Satanari] You can't *handle* the truth!
> The
> strong hands were pressing the crest of a heavy ring into her palm--so
> hard that when the ring was lifted away, a strange emblem remained,
> stained into her flesh.
Zorak: The truth is that Satanari is The Phantom!
> "This," the woman purred, "will guarantee that the truth never
> reaches Space Ghost."
Widow: [Satanari] If you tell him the truth, I'll tell him about your
tattoo!
> Oh, if only it were just a bad dream, Jan cried out to herself. But
> she knew she was hearing the truth.
Moltar: I know I'm butting in, but *what* is this "truth" they're
talking about!?
> "It is a mark that will become the ever-sleep poison it really is,
Zorak: [snickers] It'll become what it is! Oooh, science-y!
> if, even for a moment, you do not make every effort to convince Space
> Ghost that I am the good Queen Satanari, and not the sorceress of Cyba-
> three--and that I wish to return to my planet to help my people."
Moltar: Y'know, it'd add tons to her credibility if she didn't spill the
beans the moment she showed up.
Metallus: Lies, trickery, poison, and coercion. She doesn't waste time.
I like her style.
Widow: Poison is so... untrustworthy.
Zorak: Like your pets were any more reliable?
Widow: Shut up.
Zorak: [Under his breath] They were tasty, though. Heh heh.
> Jan knew she was not hearing ancient, discredited wizardry, but true
> "scientific sorcery".
Widow: [Jan] I just know! Don't ask me how!
> She agreed to take the woman back to the base.
Moltar: They had an opening in the USO show.
Metallus: What?
Widow: Huh?
Moltar: Never mind.
> Blip was chattering wildly when they approached Space Ghost and
> Jace.
Brak: [Blip] I was originally going to hold the party in May, but
then I couldn't wear my white jacket because you just *don't* wear white in
May, but I just didn't want to wear a black jacket, because black's so
somber, so I had the party rescheduled, which made the caterers so mad, and
they charged me a fine, but at least when we finally held the party
strawberries were in season-
> After Jan told her story and Queen Satanari spoke wistfully of her
> deep yearnings to return to Cyba-3
Moltar: Wouldn't she rather go to Cyba-THREE? That's where she came
from.
> and rally her peoples behind her, Jace
> exclaimed, "Space Ghost, We're going to help her, aren't we?"
Widow: How typical. Men are always such fools.
Zorak: Watch out, General Custer. I'm gettin' hungry. [Licks his beak
while looking her up and down]
Widow: Be quiet, bug. I could have you for dinner.
Zorak: Sorry, you're not my type.
> Jan clenched her palm tightly closed and waited for the answer.
Zorak: [Jan] If he wimps out, I swear I'll slug him!
> Queen Satanari's eyes pleaded silently. Finally, Space Ghost
> answered Jace's question firmly.
Zorak: [Dan Akroyd] Jace, you ignorant twit!
> "Of course we'll help," he said, his eyes on Jan. "We'll do all
> that we can."
Zorak: [Space Ghost] For a price, of course.
> The queen of Cyba-3 smiled gratefully. Blip, however, was not
> impressed. He continued to chatter excitedly.
Brak: [Blip] -and that's where I usually get my hair done, but they
were closed because the manager was going to a wedding, it was his brother's
wedding - he looked so HANDSOME in that dark grey tuxedo, he showed us *all*
his pictures -
> Preparations for the flight to the distant planet in the Flarex
> Galaxy were begun at once.
Brak: Isn't Flarex that stuff you clean windows with?
Moltar: That's *Windex.*
[The pyramid clears.]
Moltar: That's the first part. I'll load the second.
Brak: That was a nifty way to come in. Just add water and you got a
queen!
Widow: She's a *witch*.
Brak: You can be both, can't you?
Zorak: I always knew those kids were stupid. I don't know why it
surprises me every time they show just HOW stupid they are! Yeesh!
Metallus: Why does Space Ghost even have them?
Brak: Maybe 'cause if he keeps people around who aren't that smart,
it'll make him look better by comparison.
Widow: [looking thoughtfully at Brak, who has returned to doodling on
the dusty table] That could be it.
Zorak: Or maybe it's a package deal. He can't have the *monkey*
without the kids.
Brak: Blip always turns invisible and gives Space Ghost back his power
bands that we stole from him. Maybe we need to just stick him in a cage or
feed him some bananas or something.
Moltar: Whatever. Here's the next part.
[Moltar restarts the pyramid.]
>
>
>
> CHAPTER 2
Brak: [The Count] Two! Two chapters! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
[Lightning flashes. All but Brak startle.]
> JOURNEY TO CYBA-3
Moltar: Journey to Cyba-3! Come in, Cyba-3! Over.
> The distance to Cyba-3 was nine light years, but distance was
> without meaning to the Phantom Cruiser.
Metallus: Yeah, especially after I get through with it. It will never fly
again! [bangs a metal fist down on the table]
Zorak: Your needle's stuck, Robby.
> At speeds faster than light, it
> became an invisible thing, swifter than thought.
Zorak: Swifter than *Space Ghost's* thought, anyway.
Moltar: Faster than a speeding glacier.
> Aboard the ship there was an uneasy, restless feeling.
Brak: If you think you get jet lag in another country, it's really
murder when you go halfway across the galaxy!
> Jace stared
> curiously at Jan from time to time.
Moltar: She's a GIRL, nimrod! Ever heard of them before?
> "What's the matter, Jan?" Jace asked finally, "We're twins, hey.
> How come you're hoarding private worries?"
Moltar: [Jan] You know how much private worries go for on Cyba-three?
Metallus. "3". Not "three".
Moltar: Whatever.
> "I--I'm just worried
> about what will happen on Cyba-three when we get there."
Zorak: [Jace] Oh, we'll set down, crush some of the inhabitants under
the spaceship, destroy anyone who gets in our way, and rule with an iron
fist! It'll be a blast.
> A stab of pain touched her palm. She clenched her fist against it
> and shook her head. "That's all, Jace. Please--don't tell Space Ghost
> I'm a coward."
Moltar: Oh, THERE'S a news flash.
> Jace squeezed her arm gently. "'Course I won't," he assured her.
Zorak: [Jace] If you'll just, heh heh-
Widow: Stop right there.
> Space Ghost remained at the helm of the Phantom Cruiser even though
> its guidance was under the unerring control of its navigational automatic
> pilot. He needed time to think.
Metallus: LOTS of time.
> He could feel Queen Satanari's dark
> eyes upon him as she moved toward the control area.
Brak: [Space Ghost] Ew! Gross! Get those eyeballs offa me!
Widow: [Satanari] Oooo... Space Ghost! What lovely pecs you have!
[All stare at Black Widow]
> "Your Majesty," he said finally, "who *are* these conquerors who
> have taken over your lands and people?"
Brak: [Space Ghost] What is the airspeed velocity of a garden
swallow?
> Her response was quick. "You have had communication with them?"
Moltar: [Space Ghost] Yes, I have accomplished dialogue with them.
> "Yes. Just moments ago," replied Space Ghost quietly. "Their
> information center sent a complete socioeconomic report. Sounds like
> they have the basis for a fine, democratic system of government, rather
> than tyranny."
[All look at each other]
Widow: *Someone* has an agenda.
Zorak: Capitalist schveinhunt!
> "Mere words," grumbled Queen Satanari. Settling gracefully into the
> copilot chair beside Space Ghost, she added,
Brak: [Satanari] Ew! I sat in something! Is this the monkey's
chair?
> "What possible reason can
> you have for doubting what I have told you? What purpose could
> falsehood serve me?"
Widow: Would YOU buy a used car from this woman?
> She leaned toward Space Ghost. Her eyes were pleading--or was it
> more than that?
Widow: [Satanari] Look into my eyes, Space Ghost...
Zorak: You are getting sleepy...
Brak: SLEEEEEEEP!
> It was as if they were holding Space Ghost, reaching
> into the very center of his mind.
Zorak: In the cold, echoing darkness between the two lonely neurons.
> "You must believe me, friend," she whispered, lowering her voice.
Moltar: [James Earl Jones] You are my son.
> "Those who speak as my people are The Imitators! They are alien forms.
> They assume the look of conquered peoples
Moltar: So. Her people are really evil aliens who act like slaves to
fool any authorities who might drop in. Yeah, I buy *that*.
> to keep their own conquests
> secret from such great defenders of freedom as you."
[All loudly make kiss-up noises]
> With a great effort, Space Ghost was able to tear his gaze away from
> the compelling eyes.
Widow: Compelling? *I* can be more compelling than that.
Zorak: So can a train wreck.
> Looking out into the star-specked, endless cosmos, he said, "Years
> ago I heard some space scuttlebutt
Brak: [laughing] Space scuttlebutt! Space scuttlebutt! Space
scuttlebutt! Oh boy! Ah ha ha ha ha ha! That's funny.
> about a being of the Cyba group. He--
> or she--or it--
Widow: Have you ever noticed that whenever they don't know the gender,
it always ends up being a woman?
> was said to be a master of the black arts of sorcery--
> with scientific improvements."
Metallus: They use computers to summon up daemons.
> He paused, waiting. Queen Satanari's gay laugh danced lightly.
> "Yes, oh, yes. I'm a witch!"
Brak: [falsetto] But am I a good witch or a bad witch?
> She called out, "Jan, darling, did you hear? He thinks I'm a space
> witch." She giggled wildly.
Widow: Oh, please. Stop that, woman! You're giving us all a bad name!
> Jace was the first to appear in the doorway. He laughed, too.
Metallus: Did I miss something? Did the nitrus oxide tank spring a leak?
> "A
> witch? Hey, is it story time, Space Ghost?" Jace smiled at Satanari.
Brak: Ooo! Story Time!! I wanna hear Jack and the Beanstalk!
> "Is he planning to celebrate your homecoming with a Halloween party,
> ma'am?"
Moltar: Celebrate a *homecoming* with a *Halloween* party?
Metallus: Did they just fly into a piranha mite cloud and make themselves
even stupider than usual?
[Brak looks unhappy. Nobody notices.]
> Now Jan was looking over her brother's shoulder. Her hands were
> clenched tightly together. "You shouldn't talk that way about a queen,
> Space Ghost!" she cried.
Moltar: [Space Ghost] I got the Power Bands, which means I can talk
about her any way I want!
Metallus: If we could just get those away from him...
> Startled by the vehemence of Jan's protest, Space Ghost tossed her a
> quick smile, saying, "Of course, Jan. You're right. It was just a wild
> joke."
Moltar: [Space Ghost] But with my sense of humor, you'd never know it.
> Rising with sweeping grace, Queen Satanari placed an arm around
> Jan's small shoulders with a quick, reassuring squeeze.
Metallus: CRUNCH.
> "Jan is woman enough to see through the pretenses of another
> female." She laughed. "If I were not what I say, I am sure that she
> would be the first to realize it.."
Widow: Oh, whatever.
[The images disappear from the pyramid.]
Zorak: Now I know why Space Ghost keeps Jan and Jace. He's just as
stupid as they are! Yeesh!
Widow: Satanari wasn't trying too hard to act innocent, was she?
Brak: Maybe she was using magic to cloud their minds.
Metallus: Or maybe the Ghost Planet drifted into a piranha mite swarm.
Moltar: Say... that's an idea... I wonder if we *could* do that.
Widow: Get him to fly into piranha mites?
Brak: Piranha mites are *bad*.
Zorak: Yeah, we know! If we made all of 'em stupid, we could kick
their butts without any problem! Gotta make sure we off the monkey first,
though.
Moltar: How do you control piranha mites? A force field?
Zorak: Or "magic". If she ever gets around to *doing* any.
Moltar: She was doing everything *else* she could think of to blow her
cover. Why *didn't* she do some magic too?
Brak: Wasn't that ring thingie magic?
Moltar: Maybe.
Brak: Hey! If she did the ring thingie on all of 'em, she could make
'em all do whatever she wanted!
[All of the Council of Doom members look around at each other.]
Moltar: Let's see.
[Moltar starts the next segment, again without visibly doing anything.]
*****
[CONTINUED NEXT SEGMENT]
so sez Jen "Call me MiSTer!" White.