sorry, here's the misting: [MiSTed] "Mass Landings Information" and "Electronic Telepathy"
Roland Warner
Well, what do you think, sirs?
Roland
E-mail all comments to:
-----
<In the not to distant future . . .>
[SoL]
[Mike, Tom, Gypsy, and Crow are dressed up as characters from Disney
Movies. Mike has a green shirt and pants with a big hump on his back.
Tom is wearing a Cowboy hat and a sherrif's outfit. Gypsy somehow is
wearing clothing that makes her look like Belle from "Beauty and the
Beast". Crow has on a furry nose and massive amounts of fake fur across
his head.]
Mike: All right, Servo, what's the point in having us dress up like
this?
Crow: Yeah, Tom, this fur is killing me!
Tom: Well, we're honoring the release of the next two Disney movies
coming out in the Summer of 1997 summer, "Anastasia" and "Hercules" by
dressing up as characters from Disney movies in the past. Mike, you are
Quasimodo from "The Hunchback of Notre Dame." Gypsy, you're Belle from
"Beauty and the Beast." Crow, you get to be Simba from "The Lion
King." And I, Tom Servo, get to be Woody from the Computer-generated
movie, "Toy Story"
Mike: And, exactly how is this honoring the two Disney movies?
Tom: Well . . . um . . . okay okay, you caught me, I have absolutely no
purpose whatsoever in doing this! I just needed something to do up
here, out in the middle of time and space, and having you all dress up
like this is the only thing I could think of!
[Commercial Sign flashes]
Mike: Well be right back <Turns to Servo> It'll be all right.
[Commercials]
Announcer: Coming this summer, "Jurassic Park 3: Waterworld meets Lost
World" See Kevin Costner battle with the Tyrannosaurus Rex in a three
minute battle that makes up the entire movie. Admission just $15.
[SoL]
[Everyone's still dressed up like the Disney Characters. Tom is now
sobbing violently.]
Gypsy: Uh-oh, Mike, looks like you broke his spirits.
Mike: I didn't do anything!
Crow: Then why's he crying?
Mike: I don't know! Hey, Tom, snap out of it bud!
Tom: All I wanted was just to have some fun
Crow: Well, if it makes you feel any better, this is fake fur.
Mike: <Makes as to hit Crow, but doesn't> How's that supposed to help
him?
[Red Light Flashes]
Tom: *sniff* Mike, Cruella, Flotsum and Jetsum are calling.
[Mike hits the button]
[JoelWorld]
[Pearl, Bobo, and Observer are in a prison. Bobo is jumping around,
smiling (He doesn't quite understand what's happening.) Observer is
clanging his brain-bowl against the bars of the prison. Pearl is
standing at the door, facing the camera. Several Joel Robinson
look-alikes are rushing around hurridly.]
Pearl: Well, Mike Nelster, looks like I've been captured again, but
this time by someone even worse, Joel Robinson!
[Joel #1 walks up]
Joel #1: Who're you talking to?
Pearl: Get away from me!
Joel #1 Nope. We're planning our revenge on you!
Bobo: When's dinner-time, I'm famished!
Observer: Oh wise up, you Simian! We're doomed!
Pearl: Shut up, both of you! <turns to Joel #1 with a sad-puppy dog
face> Oh, please Mr. Robinson, don't take revenge on us, pwetty pwease?
Joel #1: Ugh, sorry, no can do. <Joel leaves>
Pearl: Great! <turns to camera> All right, Mike, as you can see,
we're in a bit of trouble here. Today isn't my day, and neither will
yours. I've got the looniest of net.loons ready for viewing. Prepare
for "Mass Landings Information"!
[SoL]
Tom: Joel's my favorite deputy.
Crow: Great, now this fur'll never come out
[Lights flash. Everybody goes crazy.]
All: Ahhhhh, we've got net.loon sign!
Mike: Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
<6...5...4...3...2...1...*>
<Mike and bots enter the theater>
>Path: szdc!super.zippo.com!zdc!www.nntp.primenet.com!nntp.primenet.com!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!su-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!news.pbi.net!samba.rahul.net!rahul.net!a2i!viper.inow.com!not-for-mail
>From: rkr...@inow.com (robert)
>Newsgroups: alt.alien.visitors,alt.paranet.ufo,alt.fan.art-bell,talk.religion.newage,alt.conspiracy
Mike: Don't forget alt.rush.limbaugh!
>Subject: Attention Lightworkers: Mass Landings Information
Crow: Heavy workers will be landing soon.
>Date: Tue, 12 Nov 1996 02:05:15 GMT
Tom: A day that will live in . . . um . . . infirmary!
>Organization: INOW Internet Services
>Lines: 91
Mike: Brace yourselves guys, were in for a long one.
>Message-ID: <3287dac1...@news.inow.com>
>NNTP-Posting-Host: du54.inow.com
>X-Newsreader: Forte Free Agent 1.1/32.230
Crow: Hmmm, a free agent!
>Xref: szdc alt.alien.visitors:48707 alt.paranet.ufo:34022 alt.fan.art-bell:17129 talk.religion.newage:17059 alt.conspiracy:81263
>Status: N
>
>Mass Landings Information
Tom: Beware of landing pigeon pellets!
>
>Excerpts from Sheldon Nidle Lecture Series #6
Mike: Let's hope that they don't find the other 5 in the series.
>
>===============
>The mass landings are now set to occur during
Tom: . . . rush hour traffic on the Santa Monica Boulevard!
> a
>thirty eight day window that will last from
>November 10, till December 17, 1996
Crow: Hmmm, a bit late, aren't we?
>(8 Cauca, 7 Xul, 5 Eb till 6 Cib, 4 Mol, 5 Eb)
Tom: What the . . .?
Mike: Hmm, 8 Cacas, 7 Zools, 5 Edsels, 6 Civs, 4 Moles, 5 webs.
>
>The time frame became possible
Crow: For ABC to return the Muppets to the TGIF line-up!
> when the US
>military finally agreed to honor the Federation
>edicts on 10/26/96.
Crow: And then the Federation declared Martial law on America for
violating the Prime Directive.
> (8 Cimi, 14 Tzec, 5 Eb)
Mike: 8 Semis, 14 Czechs, 5 Ebbs
>
>Ships in the landing fleet will take landing
>orders from the Sirian command ship.
Crow: <whiney voice> Um, sir, I don't think there's enough room to land
at McDonald's.
> The
>order to start the landings will come from
>the Archangel in charge - Lord Zandriel.
Crow: All right, that's it, I want outta here!
Mike: Hold it, Crow, if we have to stay here, so do you.
Tom: Um, Mike, if the rest of the posting's anything like this, then we
had better GET OUTTA HERE!
>
>When the initial calming music is played,
Mike: Everyone will fall under the spell of "Enya"
Tom: Let's see here, Ouija Board, lost wallet, underwear. Nope,
nothing to escape from here with.
> there
>will be a simultaneous display of crossed shooting
>stars in the heavens(where it is dark enough to see it).
Mike: Um, isn't heaven supposed to be a place where it's light all the
time?
Crow: Keep looking, Servo!
Mike: Guys, keep it down, it won't be long before the experiment's over
with.
Tom: Mike, you feeling okay?
>Additionally one’s Guardian Angels will appear in your
>minds to reassure you of what is about to happen.
Tom: I had Hell's Angels appear in my dream, is that the same thing?
>
>Lightworkers will be asked to aid the personnel
>establishing the new Governing Council in the
>first week. Lord Zandriel will appoint a special
>committee of Lightworkers that will be given full
>consciousness and be used as official liaisons
>between the Governing Council and Earth’s
>humans population.
Mike: All right, let me find the escape tools!
Tom & Crow: Go Mike!
>
>All Lightworks will be specially trained to work
>with counselors, technicians, and scientists in
>creating your new galactic society.
Crow: And you wonder why your Guidance Counselor at school seemed so
spaced out.
>
>The technicians, counselors, and scientists from
>our fleets will prepare your planet and its
>population for the photon belt’s arrival.
Tom: Do you think that Dr. Forrester received visitors like these?
Mike: Here, let me try this button. <pushes button>
Crow: Mike, um, my head is not facing the screen.
MIke: Sure it is Crow, it looks perfectly fine to me.
Crow: Mike, I think I would know when I'm facing the screen and when
I'm not, and I'm not facing the screen.
Mike: Here, let me try this. <pushes same button>
Crow: Thanks again, Mike, now I'm in an even worse position, now, I can
read the screen.
>
>The photon belt will arrive on Dec. 31, 1996
Crow: And prepare for getting drunk on New Year's Day.
Mike: Hmm, maybe if I cut this wire . . .
Tom: No, Mike! Not that . . .
<Mike cuts the wire>
<Enter Gypsy>
Gypsy: Um, Bad news guys, dinner was just fried, so it's going to be
sandwiches again.
<Exit Gypsy>
Tom: Good one, Nelson!
>(7 Oc, 18 Mol, 5 Eb) as scheduled.
Mike: 7 Locks, 18 Moles, 5 Vebs
Crow: Mike, why're you doing that?
Mike: Can you make any better sense out of these things?
Crow: Good point.
>
>The impact of the belt will also be lessened by
Tom: The universe going on a diet.
>the fact that all Earth humans will move into
>full consciousness in the first 9 minutes after
>exposure to the initial bright light of the belt.
Crow: <falsetto> Move into the light, Carol Ann.
>
>Hale-Bopp is not a comet but a large space ship
>that is carrying some 10,000 non human
>ambassadors and/or colonists.
Tom: Hurry up, Mike!
Mike: I can't find anything!
Crow: Well, hurry up and find something!
Mike: You want to help?
Crow: I can't move!
Tom: Don't look at me, my arms won't work.
Mike: Then quit rushing me.
>
>It represents the final element in a special
>treaty that ended the great galactic wars.
Tom: Known as the "Star Wars!"
> Its
>arrival is May 5, 1997 (2 Men, 3 Muan, 5 Eb).
Mike: Finally, a word I recognize! 2 Men, 3 Moo-ons, 5 Rebs
>
>The colony will be established in the area near
>the present Alice Springs, Northern Territory,
>Australia and just south of Ayers Rock.
Crow: <falsetto> G'day mate!
Mike: <Alien voice> Take us to your leader!
Crow: <falsetto> Who be that?
Mike: <Alien Voice> The one who leads this world
Crow: <falsetto> Well, that koala bear over there thinks he's king of
the world
Mike: <Alien Voice> Thank you, and to show our gratification, we will
establish our base on your property!
Tom: Mike, GET US OUT OF HERE! You're losing it!
Mike: I'm losing it? You're the one who's yelling.
>
>The colonist will not be a part of the our
>Governing Council, but only quite interested
>observers.
Tom: Do they carry their brains around and observe all day?
>
>We are in the midst of a great change in the
>paradigm that now interprets our reality.
Mike: <Darth Vader Voice> Luke, it is your destiny!
Tom: <Luke Voice> Father! Look out for that missile coming from
Earth!
>
>Our solar system and this planet are about to
>receive a great and most needed Divine
>intervention that will take us into a golden
>age.
Crow: You mean returning to the old radio days?
Tom: Find anything yet, Mike?
Mike: All I can find is this "Good Housekeeping" Magazine.
<Enter Gypsy>
Gypsy: All right, buster, that's my "Good Housekeeping", hand it over!
<Gypsy grabs the magazine in her mouth and turns to leave>
All: Gypsy, wait!
<Exit Gypsy>
Tom: Way to go, Nelson!
Crow: Yeah, Mike!
Mike: WHAT? I didn't do anything!
>
>Know and understand the needed protocols
>and procedure for the mass landing.
Tom: Emergency Exit doors are clearly marked for emergency landings and
your seat can be used as a floatation device in case of a water landing.
>
>
>For more information contact:
Crow: The Arkham Asylum
Mike: All right guys, it's almost over.
Tom: No it isn't! It's still there!
>
>The Ground Crew Project
>614 Ahwahnee Court
>Walnut Creek, CA 94596 USA
>Phone/Fax (510)256-7869
Crow: <acts like he's dialing someone>
Mike: <falsetto> Hello, Ground Crew Project.
Crow: <Australien Accent Voice> Hello? Can you get these aliens off
my property, mate?
>
>Center of Attention
>2221 Bowers Ave.
>Santa Clara, CA 95051 USA
>Phone/Fax (408)241-7981
Tom: It's always the same with everyone, they always have to be the
center of attention.
Mike: Well, that's it guys, it's over.
Crow: Mike, Charter can help.
<They exit the theater>
<*...1...2...3...4...5...6>
[Mike and the bots enter as they normally would without the Disney
costumes.]
Mike: Well, that was probably the roughest experiment in a long time.
Tom: No thanks to you, Mike!
Mike: Hey, I tried to find SOMETHING to get us out of there!
Crow: Well, you didn't, Mike.
Mike: I didn't see you helping at all.
Crow: Oh, so now it's my fault?
[Red Light flashes]
Mike: Yes, Ms. Forrester?
[JoelWorld]
Pearl: Mike, look, I know I've lied to you in the past, probably been
quite cruel to you at times, but I need a favor. I need you to help get
us out of here.
[SoL]
All: [Shocked] WHAT?!?!?!
[JoelWorld]
Pearl: I promise I'll never give you another bad posting!
[SoL]
Tom: Yeah, just like you promised us back on the Observer's world!
Mike: Nope, not gonna do it!
[JoelWorld]
Joel #2: Your sentance has been set, you are to be tortured by reading
this posting "Electronic Telepathy"
Pearl: Oh no, Joel-boy, I'm not reading any posting, and further more,
you can't force me to read this because I have my rights as . . .
Joel #2: Start the posting!
Bobo: So, what's going on, lawgiver?
[Joels enter and carry off Bobo, Observer, and Pearl. They are taken to
the viewing room.]
[Enter Bobo, Observer, and Pearl]
>Path: szdc!super.zippo.com!zdc!www.nntp.primenet.com!nntp.primenet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!cpk-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!in3.uu.net!news.accessone.com!news
Pearl: Oh great, here we go.
Observer: Well, it shouldn't be that bad, after all, you humans are as
amoebas.
Pearl: Listen here, Brain-guy, I'm not an amoeba, I'm Pearl Forrester
and I'm not in a good mood right now, so quit trying to cheer me up.
>From: shc...@accessone.com (Allen Drugge)
Bobo: So, lawgiver, what are we supposed to do now?
Pearl: Just sit back and read. The sooner this is done, the sooner we
can get out of here.
>Newsgroups: alt.mindcontrol,alt.conspiracy
Observer: Hey, I've sent postins to alt.mindcontrol before!
>Subject: Electronic Telepathy (ET)
Bobo: Our civilization has advanced far beyond Electronic Telepathy!
Pearl: Bobo, Brain-guy, SHUT UP!
>Date: 11 Nov 96 08:42:26 +0500
>Organization: AccessOne
>Lines: 72
>Message-ID: <3701.6889...@accessone.com>
>NNTP-Posting-Host: annex4-61.accessone.com
>X-Newsreader: THOR 2.31 (Amiga;TCP/IP)
>Xref: szdc alt.mindcontrol:9122 alt.conspiracy:81150
>Status: N
>
> Electronic Telepathy
Observer: The universe does not need such pittances as electricity for
Telepathy!
Pearl: Not a word out of both of you!
>
> One of the more recent tools of oppression to have made its emergence
>in the evolving techno-nightmare scenario is Electronic Telepathy or "ET"
Bobo: Hey, I once had lunch with ET!
[Pearl hits Bobo]
Bobo: Sorry, lawgiver.
>
>
>1. It is no longer necessary to have electrodes attached to monitor a
>persons brain wave activity,
Observer: Hm, I wonder where they attach the electrodes to . . .
> it can be done remotely.
>
>2. Computer encoding has broken down the signals so they can now output
>what it is a person is thinking.
Observer: I'd like to see them try and figure out what The Universe is
thinking.
>
>3. A persons subconscious life can be overridden by externally induced
>dreams.
Pearl: Joels! Let me outta here! I can't take it anymore in here! No
one will shut up!
Bobo: Gee, I kinda like this.
>
> The implications here are of course staggering and totally turn
>conventional attitudes toward what is normally perceived as 'reality' and
>'personal' into mockeries. It is now possible to override a persons
>sub-conscious life by projecting prerecorded dreams as well as invade the
>privacy of their thoughts and feed them back in associative fashion via
>commercials cued thru computer over ordinary communication channels and
>indeed that's what's being done. The media are in collusion with this up
>to their eye balls. It's not just for entertainment anymore.
Bobo: Hey, television for the mind!
Observer: Isn't that what is called an "imagination"?
>
> This very scenario has been an operative reality for over 25 years
>and used to 'destabilize/mindrape' selected individuals within this
>country. The pop culture has not been ignorant of this new reality and
>accordingly has incorporated elements of it into the 'collective psyche.'
Pearl: Well, it could be worse, the Joels could have found Clayton's
Ratliff stories.
Bobo: Oooh, Ratliff! He's our civilization's favorite author!
>
> Movies such as "Foxfire","Brainstorm","The Golden Child","Steel
>Justice", "Desert Passion","The Sorcerers","Total Recall",
Observer: Did not they just mention "Total Recall" earlier?
> "Hellraiser
>III:","Casino Royale","Making Mr. Right","Total Recall",
Observer: Some human does not have a very good memory.
> "Megaville","No
>Escape","In the belly of the Dragon" and MTV's "Dead @ 21" all draw on
>elements of Electronic Telepathy. There are many others. Reference to
>"ET"
Pearl: No jokes about ET, guys!
> can be found in tunes like: "Welcome to the Machine","The Dream
>Police","Thinking around corners","West of the Fields","Kiss me when I
>get back."
Observer: Our ballads are way better than such primitive music.
>
> The marriage of Science and Voodoo, in pursuit of the Clerical agenda,
>has spawned a psychopathic covert, extra-legal industry who's only
>function is to promolgate madness and chaos.
Bobo: <British Accent> What have the romans ever done for us!
Pearl: I didn't know you saw "Life of Brian," Bobo.
Bobo: Of course, lawgiver, our civilization worshipped Monty Python!
> There are thousands of
>these ET dreams in the can as of right now, ranging from the erotic to
>the horrific;
Pearl: Brain-guy, make a note to find these dreams for future
experiments.
> a great number are benign or even pleasant--but all are
>abominations as they subvert the natural unconscious life of the
>individual and present serious psychological challenges.
Pearl: You know, in his later years, Clayton did start to complain
about bad dreams.
> In the worst
>case scenario individuals can be put under with microwave for almost
>indefinite periods of time while the psyche is raped by "ET" dreams.
>The "Virtual Reality Nightmare" scenerio is an actual reality.
Observer: Why, that's preposterous! Being raped by a machine!
>
> This disclosure doesn't take into account the possible use of brain
>implants (the cyborg protocol), subliminal messaging nor negative
>feedback in conjunction with microwave verisimilitudes.
Observer: Drink Coke, wear Nikes, support Abian.
Pearl: What're you doing?
Observer: Oh, nothing, just subliminally messaging people.
>
> Recognition of this technology and the abuses of it is the first step
>towards any supposedly 'free people's' taking charge of their 'own'
>destinies--failure to do so is enslavement. Burying your head in the
>sand will not make it go away.
Bobo: Hey! I buried my head in the sand once and everything went
away! Well, except for the crabs that is . . .
>
> "Scrap the SQUID"
Pearl: What the hell?!?!?
Observer: Quite interesting. Us observers use the same phrase in
closing our letters.
>
>--
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> + 'PlanetC' BBS +
> + One of America's 45,000+ files online Remember: +
> + unknown political (206) 343-0827 J = RAY +
> + prisoners shc...@planetc.hughestech.com +
Pearl: That would be Mike Nelson.
Observer: X = XXX
> + "Microwave--the breakfast of champions" +
Bobo: Mmm, Microwaves are delicious!
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> + Clink 911:5050/5 NWNet 206:100/8 CHNet 371:102/1 UseNet e-mail +
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
<Joels enter and carry off the Trio>
[JoelWorld]
Joel #1: Here are the results of the experiment!
<Enter Pearl, Observer, and Bobo. All three look like they've slept
without drying their hair, and have crazed expressions on their faces,
all of them, that is, except Bobo who is perfectly normal looking.>
Pearl: I . . . never . . . want to . . . go . . . through . . .that . .
. again. <she faints>
Bobo: You okay, lawgiver?
Observer: What was that horrible thing?
Joel #2: That, was a friendly posting, compared to the next few
postings we have planned for you!
[Pearl jumps up and grabs Bobo and Observer.]
Pearl: All right, enough of this, we're outta here!
[Exit Pearl, Bobo, and Observer.]
[Off-stage: The engine of a car can be heard as Pearl peels off in her
Volkswagon of Doom.]
-----
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and
situations are trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All
rights reserved. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for
entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks
held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
-----
>Know and understand the needed protocols
>and procedure for the mass landing.
DJenkinsii
<excellent net.loon MSTing snipped>
A job well done, Sir Roland...... ;)
--Djenk
"Keep thinkin' it'll be alright If I just get on the road.
If I run I can free my worried mind. Keep thinkin' of the day I die, when I'll lose my heavy load. But I wouldn't want to leave you behind." -Semisonic, "If I Run"