<MiSTing> MMPR:TM- The Script [2/11]
TCurryFan
<6 5 4 3 2 @>
<SOL- Theater>
> 13A INT. ERNIE'S WATERFRONT CAFE - DAY 13A
>
> CLOSE ON - T.V. SCREEN
>
> We see the reporter then a few cuts of GEOLOGISTS combing the
> site with scanning equipment and COPS
MIKE: ...Filmed on location with the men and women of law
enforc ement.
'BOTS: <singing> Bad boys, bad boys; whatcha gona do? Whatcha
gonna do when they come for you?
> sealing off the area
> with yellow tape.
>
> REPORTER
> ... Angel Grove Police have
> cordoned off the area until it
> can be determined whether or not
> the unidentified object poses any
> threat. The injured workman was
> quoted as saying...
MIKE: "AHHHHHHHHH!"
>
> PULL BACK TO REVEAL A CAFE.
>
> The Rangers are at a table -- Tommy is teaching Fred martial
> arts moves.
>
> TOMMY
> It's one smooth move and then
> you've gotta explode off the top.
CROW: <as Fred, excited> Oh, Tommy... Oh-
MIKE: Crow- that'll be enough... At LEAST confine the sexual
innuendoes to the older kids, please...
CROW: <sigh> Fine.
>
> Tommy executes a wicked JUMPING ROUNDHOUSE KICK. Fred is
> wowed. He drops into position.
CROW: Oh, PLEASE let me do one more, MIKE!
MIKE: No.
>
> TOMMY
> Nice and easy.
CROW: AAAAAAHHH!!!
MIKE: NO!
>
> The jovial proprietor, ERNIE, approaches the Rangers' table
> with a loaded tray.
MIKE: <as Ernie, threateningly> All right- I've got a loaded
tray, and I know how to use it!
> Fred pulls off a dazzling
> JUMPING ROUNDHOUSE KICK and almost knocks Ernie's tray over.
TOM: The "jovial" Ernie proceeds to beat the crap out of Fred.
The Rangers look on and applaud, as does the audience.
MIKE: Kinda dark there, Tom.
TOM: Thanks.
>
> ERNIE
> Hey, no Karate on the patio!
CROW: No Karate, not allowed!
>
> FRED
> Actually, Ernie, it's Tae-Kwan
> Doe.
MIKE: <singing> ..a deer, a female deer...
>
> ERNIE
> Well Tae-Kwan-Do-it some place
> else.
All: BAHAHAHA!
TOM: Oh, this movie KILLS me!
CROW: I wish it WOULD kill me; then I wouldn't have to suffer
through it!
>
> Fred moves off as Ernie serves the desserts.
>
> ERNIE
> So, what're the plans for the
> weekend?
>
> KIMBERLY
> Aisha and.I are checking out a
> new dance spot.
>
> AISHA
> I heard that!
MIKE: Of course you did- she's right there, for crying out loud!
>
> BILLY
> I'll be at the Observatory
> Sunday.
TOM: THERE'S a big shock!
>
> ERNIE
> That's right - Ryan's Comet.
>
> ROCKY
> We should throw a little comet
> shindig.
>
> ADAM
> Any excuse for a party.
MIKE: You know it, buddy!
ALL: PARTY!! PARTY!!
>
> Aisha reacts to something off screen.
CROW: <as "Aisha"> Damn! Could someone move the
TelePrompter(tm)?
>
> AISHA
> The Eagle has landed.
>
> Bulk and Skull swagger past followed by a GROUP OF KIDS.
MIKE: <random kid> Paul, Jason, can we have your autograph!?
CROW: <same> Do you really know Jason David Frank!?
TOM: <same> Can you get me nude pictures of Amy Jo Johnson!?
>
> BULK
> The earth was hurtling toward us
> at seven hundred miles per hour,
> and we knew at that moment that
> we were facing death straight in
> the eye.
TOM: <as Bulk> And that's when we wet 'em
>
> SKULL
> We could smell it's breath.
MIKE: Sounds like Death needs a Certs!
>
> Ernie moves off after Bulk and Skull. Tommy's wrist
> communicator BEEPS.
MIKE: <as Tommy> Oh, that'll be my dealer.. Be right back,
guys...
> The kids exchange glances
> than look for a private area.
CROW: <does sleazy porno music>
>
> ROCKY
> There's a spot over there.
>
> They move out of everybody's sight.
MIKE: And "everybody" is extremely grateful.
>
> TOMMY (into communicator)
> What's up, Alpha?
TOM: <as Alpha> The sky, the stock market, inflation...
MIKE: The "what's up" gag, folks- an oldie but a goodie!
>
> ALPHA 5 (V.O.)
> Rangers, we need you at the
> Command Center, L.R.N. !
MIKE: "Lame Ranger Ninnies"?
CROW: "Lascivious, Randy Nudists"?
TOM: "Little Runny Nodules"?
MIKE & CROW: Ewwwww...
>
> Aisha gives Kimberly a puzzled look.
>
> KIMBERLY
> 'Like Right Now.'
ALL: Oh.
>
> TOMMY
> We're on our way.
>
> They hit their wrist-communicators and instantly TRANSFORM
> INTO SIX IRIDESCENT COLUMNS OF COLOR. The columns SHOOT UP
> THROUGH a giant oak tree, KNOCKING LEAVES LOOSE.
MIKE: And, of course, no one NOTICES this.
CROW: Or the fact that the kids didn't pay their tab.
>
> 14 EXT. COMMAND CENTER - SUNSET 14
>
> Zordon's remote headquarters protrudes from a craggy
> mountain top -- silhouetted by a glorious sunset. The SIX
> STREAK OF COLOR slice downward into the roof.
TOM: WHAM!
CROW & MIKE: <as Rangers> OWWW!
>
> 15 INT. CONIMAND CENTER - NIGHT 15
MIKE: Wait- so that happened between sunset and night?
TOM: It got darker?
MIKE: Well, yeah, I KNOW that, but...
>
> Everything's gone haywire buttons BLINK, emergency
> lights FLASH, there's a CACOPHONY OF ELECTRONIC SOUNDS.
MIKE: <as Shatner> The lights! They're blinking and flashing,
and they're flashing and...
>
> ALPHA 5 works frantically amidst the array of computer
> banks while ZORDON looks on from his COLUMN OF LIGHT.
CROW: There's a Dave Barry joke in here, I just know it...
>
> The six Rangers MATERIALIZE, Tommy turns to Zordon.
MIKE: And boy, is Kim pissed!
>
> TOMMY
> What's happening?
>
> ALPHA 5
> Ay, yi, yi, yi, yi !
ALL: SHUT UP!
> Our
> thermionic-sensors have been hit
> by a CATACLYSMIC surge of evil!
CROW: Dr. Forrester must be in the area.
MIKE: Yep, that would do it.
>
> ZORDON
> Rangers, you must act swiftly.
> The planet is in GRAVE danger!
MIKE: <as random Ranger> Oh, so what ELSE is new?
>
> KIMBERLY
> Danger from what?
>
> ZORDON
> Six thousand years ago
MIKE: Oh, God, THIS is gonna take awhile...
> a
> morphological being known as Ivan
> Ooze, ruled the world with a
> reign of unparalleled terror.
CROW: He called it the Republican Revolution.
> Finally, a rebel factor known as
> the "Order of the Meledon" lured
> him into a hyperlock chamber and
> buried him deep underground.
MIKE: Why didn't they just kill him?
TOM: Cuz then he couldn't get free, and we wouldn't have this
movie.
MIKE: As I said...
>
> ALPHA 5
> In a place that came to be known
> as Angel Grove.
ALL: NO!?!?
>
> ZORDON
> The chamber has been accidently
> UNCOVERED! You must return it to
> the depths. or anyone should
> open it and Ivan is released!
TOM: The hell?
MIKE: <as random Ranger> Could you speak in complete sentences,
please, Zordon?
>
> ALPHA 5
> To assist you I have retro-fitted
> your helmets with new Opti-Scan
> devices.
>
> ZORDON
> Use extreme caution, Rangers.
> You are dealing with an evil here
> that is beyond ALL comprehension.
MIKE: OJ Simpson?
TOM: Andrew Cunanon?
CROW: Barney?
>
>
> 16 EXT. INNER CITY CONSTRUCTION SITE - NIGHT 16
>
> Barricades and police tape surround the egg. A SECURITY
> GUARD passes his sleeping CO-WORKER, drops into a chair, sips
> his coffee.
TOM: Must be union.
>
> BZZWAPP -- ZEDD, RITA, GOLDAR and a short, fat, furry creature
> named MORDANT appear.
>
> RITA
> Another Saturday night
TOM <singing> ...and I ain't got nobody...
> and I'm
> traipsing around the galaxy with
> the THREE LITTLE PIGS!
MIKE: Well, you're no prize yourself, Goldilocks!
TOM: No, that was the three bears...
MIKE: Oh, yeah.
> My mother
> warned me this would happen!
> Rita, she said, after 89
> marriages you might wanna think
> about throwing in the towel. Why
> didn't I listen to her?!
MIKE: Cuz you're an idiot?
>
> Zedd grumbles to himself.
>
> ZEDD
> That's a good question.
TOM: <as Zedd> I've heard of wives being a "ball and chain"- but,
literally??
>
> The stunned guard stirs his sleeping buddy.
MIKE: <as guard> Put your shoes on, honey; we're at gramma's...
>
> FIRST SECURITY GUARD
> Uh... Kurt... you might wanna
> take a look at this.
CROW: <Security Guard #1> Or not... Whatever.
>
> Kurt looks up groggily.
>
> ZEDD
> No need to wake him. In fact,
> why don't you take a little nap
> yourself.
>
> Zedd ZAPS THE GUYS with a bolt from his staff -
MIKE: Office Temps of Death!
> they are
> knocked out.
>
> Goldar steps back from the blast and accidentally steps or
> Mordant's foot. Mordant KNOCKS on Goldar's metallic leg.
>
> MORDANT
> Hey bonehead, get off my hoof!
>
> Goldar is oblivious.
TOM: What else is new?
> Zedd, stands reverently before
> the glowing egg shape.
MIKE: All bow to the God, Fabrege!
>
> ZEDD
> After two thousand years of
> searching... I have finally
> found you.
CROW: <as Zedd> The man of my dreams!
>
> Mordant BANGS on Goldar's leg again.
>
> MORDANT
> Yo, earth to Bigfoot!
>
> Goldar SWATS Mordant.
>
> GOLDAR
> Watch your mouth, fuzz-ball!
>
> ZEDD
> SILENCE!
ALL: THANK YOU!
>
> RITA (to Goldar)
> Where did you FIND this rabid
> little rodent, anyway?!
>
> GOLDAR
> Mordant's my second cousin three
> times removed on my mother's
> side. He`s just visiting for the
> summer.
TOM: Do they have summer on the moon?
>
> RITA
> Well put a muzzle on him!
MIKE: Whoah!
CROW: Gee, I didn't realize Rita was into that sort of thing!
MIKE: Well, she does wear "Madonna cones".
CROW: Good point.
>
> Mordant GRUMBLES under his breath. Meanwhile, Zedd aims is
> staff at the chamber and BURSTS a blast of energy. The egg
> opens up with a wHOOSH of decompressing air. webs of
> ELECTRICITY BRANCH OUT, followed by a SWIRL OF BLACK SMOKE.
>
> When the smoke clears we see a BUBBLING, PURPLE, PHOSPHOSCENT
> OOZE. The group gathers around -- Rita sticks a finger in o
> the sticky substance.
>
> RITA
> What... you spent two thousand
> years looking for this tub of
> SNOT!
ALL: Ewwww...
>
> As if in response, the ooze BOILS AND FROTHS. Zedd and Rita
> are too busy arguing to notice this.
>
> ZEDD
> Don't you ever have anything nice
> to say?!
MIKE: <as Rita> No.
>
> RITA
> Well, if I did I certainly
> wouldn't say it to you!
CROW: And these two are... married?
TOM; Are you kidding? From all the other guy told us, they
sound _exactly_ like a real married couple!
>
> We hear a SLITHERING SLURPING SOUND as the substance RISES UP
> AND TAKES ON THE GHASTLY SHAPE OF IVAN OOZE. Mordant tugs
> at Zedd.
>
> MORDANT
> Boss.
>
> ZEDD
> For your information this is not
> just your average, run-of-the-
> mill tub of snot !
>
> RITA
> You're trying to tell me there`re
> different levels of snot?!
>
> MORDANT
> Boss.
>
> ZEDD
> WHAT!
>
> Zedd and Rita finally notice Ivan, standing with his lips
> apart, revealing jagged teeth, one of which is made of
> GLISTENING SILVER.
>
> He stretches his sinewy arms, releases an enormous YAWN, puts
> his hands on his head, CRACKS it.
ALL: Ewww!
MIKE: The snot was bad enough; but this is TOO much!!
>
> IVAN
> Ahhhhhhhh.
>
> Now he SMACKS his lips together, opens his arms theatrically
> and gives his trademark stance.
CROW: And that is...?
>
> IVAN
> Ladies and Gentlemen... the OOZE
> is back!!
>
> Rita blushes.
>
> RITA
> He's so cute.
>
> Zedd flashes her an angry look, turns back to Ivan.
>
> ZEDD
> I am Lord Zedd, sworn enemy of
> all that is good and decent. It
> is a supreme honor to finally
> meet you.
>
> Ivan gives a slight bow.
MIKE: ..and a rather unimpressive arrow.
>
> IVAN
> How can I ever repay you?
>
> ZEDD
> Do you recall the name... Zordon
> of Eltare?
>
> Ivan's face goes dark, THUNDER RUMBLES and the site LIGHTS UP
> WITH A FLASH OF LIGHTNING. Mordant turns to Goldar.
>
> MORDANT
> Seems to ring a bell.
>
> ZEDD
> I want you to destroy Zordon, so
> that my evil may once again reign
> SUPREME.
>
> IVAN (hissing)
> I will not only destroy him, I
> will OBLITERATE his entire being.
CROW: Isn't that pretty much the same thing?
> It will be like Zordon
> of Eltare never EXISTED!
>
> RITA
> Finally, a real man.
>
> Goldar hands Ivan a scrap of paper.
>
> GOLDAR
> Here's his address.
>
> IVAN (reading)
> "... left off Interstate 12?!"
>
> (puzzled)
> What's an "interstate"?
>
> MORDANT
> It's like a freeway. How long
> have you been locked up? !
MIKE: <as Ooze> When was the last time YOU took a bath?
>
> ZEDD
> We shall leave you to weave your
> wicked ways.
>
> RITA
> Now we go out on the town. First
> dinner, then dancing, then --
>
> BZZWAPP!! The foursome DE-MATERIALIZE.
>
> IVAN
> What is that odious stench?
MIKE: Probably you.
TOM: After 6000 years, you're bound to have an odor of SOME
sort...
>
> His eyes come alive.
ALL: AAAAAAH!!
>
> IVAN
> Smell's like... TEENAGERS!
MIKE: Gym clothes and cheap cologne?
>
> 17 OMITTED 17
TOM: Hmmmm...
>
> 18 EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - NIGHT 18
>
> On cue, the Power Rangers TELEPORT into the construction site.
>
> They're surrounded by rock piles, pools of water and a
> plethora of building supplies. Billy looks down at the mud
> puddle he's standing in.
MIKE: You'd think at his age he'd be over that problem...
>
> BILLY
> Remind me to have a word with
> Alpha about his teleporting
> calculations.
MIKE: <as Billy> Right after I disconnect the speech circuit
that makes him say "Ay-yi-yi-yi" all the flippin' time...
>
> They survey the construction site for a moment.
>
> AISHA
> Anybody see anything?
CROW: <as random Ranger> Well, I see rock piles, pools of water
and a plethora of building supplies.
>
> TOMMY
> ... Let's take a look over there.
>
> They advance up a slope -- the egg comes into view.
MIKE: Ah! "Aliens"!
CROW: Good; maybe a few of these kids'll have a date with a
facehugger...
>
> ROCKY (alarmed)
> It looks like it's been opened!
MIKE: Rocky is as alert as ever, I see.
>
> The kids get close to the egg, looking it over with
> fascination. Suddenly a hand falls on Aisha.
TOM: ...crushing her.
MIKE: That was one BIG hand!
>
> SECURITY GUARD (O.S.}
> Hey!
TOM: ...Arnold!
>
> They all whirl around and see the first Security Guard. He
> half smiles, shaking his head.
>
> SECURITY GUARD
> You had me scared there.
>
> AISHA
> Makes two of us.
>
> KIMBERLY
> You haven't by any chance seen
> a ... morphological being lurking
> around?
MIKE: Oh, like he's supposed to know what the hell that means!
>
> SECURITY GUARD
> The only thing I've seen is you
> teenagers.
CROW: Poor guy.
> (beat)
> And you know... if there's one
> thing in the world I reeeeally
> hate....
MIKE: Popcorn kernels getting stuck in your teeth?
CROW: Tax audits?
TOM: When someone tapes over _The_X-Files_?
>
> CLOSE ON HIS FACE as it SHAPE-SHIFTS INTO THE+ HIDEOUS
> VISAGE OF IVAN OOZE.
MIKE: OK, who was surprised by this?
TOM: Not me.
CROW: I saw it comin' a mile away.
>
> IVAN
> It's TEENAGERS
>
> KIMBERLY
> GroSS!
MIKE: <as Kimberly> Bad guys are so icky.
>
> IVAN
> You're too kind. Allow me to
> introduce myself. I am the
> infamous, world-reviled,
> universally despised, IVAN OOZE!
>
> ROCKY
> Well, pack your bags cause we're
> sending you back where you came
> from!
>
> IVAN
> Gee, a teenager with a big mouth.
> Not much has changed in six
> thousand years.
ALL: <weak laughter>
>
> KIMBERLY
> we're not just teenagers, raisin-
> head.
MIKE: Hmmm; I wonder if he used to be "grape head"?
>
> TOMMY
> We're the Mighty Morphin Power
> Rangers!
MIKE: <as Ooze> And...?
>
> Ivan puts his hands to his face in mock fear.
>
> IVAN
> Ooooh, where's my autoqraph
> book?.
TOM: Probably back in your egg.
CROW Oh! I call no _Mork_&_Mindy_ jokes!
>
> He looks them over reproachfully.
>
> IVAN
> Power Rangers, huh? So Zordon is
> still using a bunch of rug-rats
> to do his dirty work.
TOM: Well, it's not like HE can do it- he's a head in a bong,
for cryin' out loud!
> And
> speaking of rats...
MIKE: <as Ooze> Newt Gingrich, everybody!
'BOTS: <cheer and clap>
>
> Ivan raises both hands -- ELECTRICITY SHOOTS OUT HIS FINGERS
> and the kids DIVE CLEAR as the bolt ZAPS A THRONG OF RATS.
MIKE: Rats!? The stage directions didn't say anything about
rats!
>
> Now, incredibly, the RATS GROWN INTO GRUNTING, SNARLING MAN
> SIZED RAT-BEASTS.
TOM: Wait- these guys have gone up against turtles with traffic
lights stuck to them and fight in giant vehicles that look
like animals, and this is "incredible"?
>
> IVAN
> From this moment forth, the world
> as you know it SHALL CEASE TO
> EXIST!
MIKE: <as random Ranger> Oh, good; I was getting tired of this
world, anyway.
>
> Ivan raises his arms -- thunder CRACKLES and LIGHTNING RIPS
> ACROSS THE SKY.
>
> IVAN
> WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE!
MIKE <singing> I think you're gonna like it...
>
> An EXPLOSION OF PURPLE SMOKE CONSUMES IVAN.
CROW: Gee, already!? I guess the movie's over!
<starts getting up>
MIKE: <grabbing Crow's arm> 'Fraid not, Crow... We haven't even
gotten to the first fight scene...
>
> ROCKY
> He's gone.
TOM: You know, I'm surprised Mensa hasn't given this guy a call.
>
> The RATS ATTACK!
TOM: Oh, that's that new band I heard last week!
>
> ADAM
> Let's take these beasts!!
>
> Tommy gets off a stellar CROSS-HOCK TAKEDOWN, Kimberly
> delivers a world class HEEL STOMP, Billy executes a lethal
> REVERSE HANDSWORD. Despite their valiant efforts, the Rangers
> ar being overwhelmed by the fierce combatants.
MIKE: Woo-hoo!
CROW: Go, rats!
<Commercials>
"Did anything about that seem strange to you?"
-Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones), _Men_in_Black_
Catherine Johnson ---------- MiSTie #75,125 ---------- TCur...@aol.com