[MiSTing] Part 4: "Aquamarines and Diamonds" and "Battle Royal"
Carp
<Crow sits alone, looking at himself in a hand-held mirror. Mike
walks in.>
CROW: <Sighs>
MIKE: Hey, what's wrong there, little buddy?
CROW: Mike, be honest. Am I attracive?
MIKE: Um... well, I, uh...
CROW: Oh COURSE I'm attractive. What red-blooded woman wouldn't gaze
upon my golden frame of masculinity and not instinctually want to "get
it on", right?
MIKE: Um...
CROW: And yet, sadly, every night I find myself lying alone in my
sleep chamber, holding my teddy bear "Brownie" and weeping into his
soft fur. Why is this, Mike?
MIKE: Well, it could be because you're a robot and live on a
satellite...
CROW: I'll tell you why it is! It's because women are turned off by
my demeanor. Watch this.
<Gypsy enters>
CROW: Hi, Gypsy.
GYPSY: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
<Gypsy runs away>
CROW: See that? I got the looks, but my technique leaves a lot to be
desired.
MIKE: I see. Why are you bringing this up now, Crow?
CROW: Because finally, with this fanfic, I see some positive role
models! Two men who are actually SUCCESSFUL in their conquests with
the ladies!
MIKE: Crow, I hope you're not saying...
CROW: All I have to do is study and imitate their every move, and I'll
be SURE to get some "play"!
MIKE: This has the potential to be in VERY bad taste, Crow...
CROW: Bite me, Mike.
<Tom enters>
TOM: Hi, guys, I just started the SuperS season. Wow, that FishEye
girl's a babe, huh?
<There is an unsure pause>
MIKE: Uh...
CROW: Er...
MIKE: <pushing the button and looking at Cambot hopefully> Help us
out, guys.
{Castle}
PEARL: Love to, twerp, but right now we're busy taunting and mocking
Brain Guy.
BOBO: <Hopping up and down and pointing at a cowering Brain Guy> Nerd
likes anime! Nerd likes anime!
BRAIN GUY: No, I don't, really! I just... I just like the short
skirts, honest!
PEARL: Yeah, right, geek. We know you're all into the storylines.
BRAIN GUY: No, really! Just the long legs and petite bosoms!
PEARL: Really?
BRAIN GUY: Yes! I'm quite the hentai! Oh no...
PEARL: Hentai?! Ha ha ha! Dork!
BOBO: Nerd knows Japanese! Nerd knows Japanese!
{S.O.L.}
TOM: What a disturbing, disturbing scene this is.
<All hell breaks loose>
MIKE: Aaah! We've got fanfic sign!!
> By Dala Phen
MIKE: Well, I like the storylines, and I'm not afraid to admit it.
CROW: I ACCEPT the storylines, because I know that's the only way
they're going to get people to watch it.
> Aquamarines and Diamonds
CROW: Death and destruction.
> this chapter is rated H
TOM: This chapter brought to you by the letter H and the numbers 6
and 9.
MIKE: Oh, that was just lovely.
>Chapter 4
>
> The next day we met at the usual restaurant.
MIKE: Denny's!
CROW: (Dala) I'll leave it up to someone who's actually seen the show
to figure out what the usual resturant is.
> "Well Usa-chan, it has appeared to this Demando person is in love
> with Michi-chan." Haruka says very mad. Usagi looked very shocked,
> every one looked to me then to Usagi and back to me.
MIKE: And then back to Usagi. And then back to me again.
CROW: Like a tennis match, except there's no ball, and nothing at all
is happening.
> Usagi grew mad.
> "He doesn't want me?" she shouted. "I can't believe it! What is
> it about me does he not like?"
CROW: You're too independent for him.
> "Usagi? I thought you did not want him after you" Haruka
> comments.
> "Usa-chan hates it when a man is after her then stop and go for
> another."
> Ami says not breaking from her book. "No matter how evil or annoying
> the guy is." She adds after wards.
TOM: Ah, yes, the Butafuco Syndrome.
> "I DO NOT!" Usagi protests.
> "Usa-chan, just a while ago you where complaining that this
> Demando person doesn't want you." Haruka comment. Usagi gave her
> famous puppy dog eyes,
TOM: ...back to the poor puppy dog!
> and starts crying. The entire restaurant covers their ears
> not able to stand her wailing. Mamoru tries to stop her. I got
> annoyed with her crying and simply left.
>
> "Yaten-chan! I did not expect to see you here."
MIKE: "Um... wherever we are."
CROW: (pulling out notepad) All right, gimme some of your magic,
Yat-boy.
> "Michi-chan I saw you leave the restaurant and hear Usagi cry,
> she should enter the screaming contest Japan holds once a year,
> she'll win easy" he said cracking a smile. I smile as well.
CROW: (taking notes) Mock... her... friends.
> "Yaten-chan, you should not take risks like this, what if Haruka
> happens to come home?"
TOM: He was in her HOUSE?!
CROW: (Taking notes) Sneak into her home...hide until she comes in.
> "Don't worry about that, my brothers asked him to be apart of the
> group for a concert tonight. He accept."
MIKE: Okay, they hate each other, so they agree to work together.
Makes sense to me.
> "What about you?"
CROW: (Yaten) Nope, seems kind of ridiculous to me, actually.
> "Oh I decided to sit this one out." With a soft kiss he placed a
> key with a tag in my hand and left saying "Eightish okay?"
MIKE: Oh man, Yaten's drunk.
> he hopped in his car
> and drove away. I look at the key, it was to a hotel, but not a
> capsule hotel. It was
CROW: In suppository form.
> to the most expensive world hotel, the suite was Ancient
> Japanese Dynasty.
> I did not have to guess what he wants.
TOM: Um, to stage a samurai battle?
> There was a quick breeze as I shut the door. Someone grabbed me with
> a tight grip. At first I thought it was Haruka and he found out.
MIKE: ...about new Grip-B-Tite!
TOM: When you want a tight grip, you'd be a fool to try anything else.
> "You're not going to plan anything tonight are you?" that voice,
> it was deep, dark and comforting is a strange way. Demando! He's
> here!
CROW: Ah, so Demando is also a proponant of the "break into her house"
method of attracting women.
> I broke free from his grip, and transformed. A grin tugged at
> the corners of his lips, it was just what he wanted. Before I could
> do anything his third eye opened again. I could not move. I could
> not breath.
TOM: I could not polka.
> I felt myself start to fall
> to the floor, Prince Demando caught me before I hit the floor.
CROW: (taking notes) Use hypnotic eye... to render unconciousness.
MIKE: You don't have a hypnotic eye, Crow.
CROW: Yes, but I do have a baseball bat!
>
> Slowly I came to, feeling drugged.
CROW: (taking notes) Ooh, that's good, too!
> "I made a mistake, Sailor Moon did save my husband, I should not
> have done that to my friend Usagi"
MIKE: (Hitting himself in the head) Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
> I could not make out what Demando was
> saying, the first voice sounded female. "If you want to stay you
> have until some time early tomorrow. That is until you will
> automatically return." Then I fell asleep again.
TOM: Lucky.
> When I woke up I found my self chained to a wall.
CROW: (taking notes) Chain her... to wall...
MIKE (snatching the notepad) I think this fic is in bad enough taste
already.
CROW: Ah, poop.
> The room
> looked very dark and felt very cold.
TOM: Which is odd, since it was brightly lit and 70 degrees.
> Demando appeared in the room he has a
> light color robe on. His warm hand reached out to my cold face, I
> felt such pleasure from the warm touch.
CROW: If only I had my NOTEPAD I could write down how important it is
to warm your hands before handling a woman, but noooo...
MIKE: Get a different schtick, Crow. We're on thin ice already.
> He pulled closer for a kiss, sliding off his robe. After we
> kissed he reached up tapping the cuffs that held me, they disappear.
> I felt too weak to hold myself up, and started to fall to the floor,
> Demando caught me in a warm embrace. I wanted to fight, I wanted to
> run. It is cold all around, Prince Demando is that only one who is
> war...
<Fic suddenly catches fire and the theater begins to fill up with
smoke>
TOM: The hell?
MIKE: <Coughing> Agh, guys, let's get out of here before the sprinklers
come on! <They get up and exit>
{SOL BRIDGE}
MIKE: What's going on, Pearl?
{CASTLE}
<Pearl has a very angry look on her face. Behind her, Observer is
looking at a computer screen and Bobo fiddles with a large machine.>
PEARL: Hi, Nelsonny. Brain Guy here told me about the rather...
politically incorect content of the story you're reading right now and
I've decided to do something about it. I know it's my job to torture
you and all, but I just can't stand for this. I'm a madwoman, yes,
but I'm still a woman.
{SOL}
MIKE: Wow, Pearl, I've never seen this side of you before.
{CASTLE}
PEARL: Yeah, I know it sounds trite, but there are just some things
more important than taking over the world.
{SOL}
CROW: How true that is.
{CASTLE}
PEARL: Isn't it? Bobo, is the Hyper-Pain-Death-Laser ready yet?
BOBO: Ready and waiting, Lawgiver!
<Observer's computer starts beeping.>
OBSERVER: There! I've pinpointed the exact location of the so-called
"Dala Phen"!
PEARL: <Laughs psychotically.> Excellent! I'll give YOU a problem
with women, you little freak! Launch laser!
BOBO: Right! <He pushes a button on the machine. There is a bright
flash of light.>
PEARL: <Rubbing her hands together> Excellent! <She turns back to the
camera.> Now, don't think you guys are off the hook! I've got a
back-up fanfic just for emergencies like this one. It's part one of a
thankfully unfinished pile of tripe called "Battle Royal". Tear it a
new one for me. <She turns back to Bobo.> Fire again, just in case.
Fanfic writers are like cockroaches.
<Commercial eyecatch>
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