MSTed: A Fear Of Love A Fear Of Battle (3/?)
Bryan Lambert
Part 3 of the MSTing. Watch me attempt to keep this in 400-ish line chunks.
>"You better get off to school..." Angel said from the kitchen. She
>nodded and brushed her clothes off.
TOM: Usually, when a vampire says "I wouldn't kick her out of bed for
eating crackers", he means rednecks.
>"Angel is it ok if I stay here again tonight? my mom's out of
>town..and.." Angel smiled. "of course you can." he loved having her
>there, she brought a different kind of feeling to the usually dull
>apartment
MIKE: Well, yeah, she would, unless Angel spends his nights crying,
screaming, sitting, quivering his lip, and chastely comforting
himself.
CROW: Now -that's- an odd image.
> He took her hand and lead her to the door.
TOM: He "lead" her to the big, metal door? How appropriate. Angel must
be afraid of Superman.
>"C-ya tonight" the Slayer said and walked off to school.
MIKE: You know, I'm not 100% sure, but I'm guessing that even the movie
Buffy wouldn't actually -speak- using lame chat room
abbreviations.
>*Part 4*
CROW: Part 3 opened up so many possibilities. Where could Part 4
take us? I can't even -begin- to imagine.
>Buffy walked into school , her clothes wrinkled and her hair tousled.
>"Hey Buff, get much sleep?" Xander said with his nose in his lunch bag.
MIKE: Xander really needs to go to a plastic surgeon with a more
refined sense of humor.
>"No not much..." she said hoarsley.
TOM: You mean in the style of Matt Houston?
>"We didn't see you at the Bronze? where were you?" Willow asked
>curiously.
>"Angel's..."
>Xander gasped making the brown bad flatten. "YOU WERE WHERE!?!"
MIKE: I really, really hope "making the brown bad flatten" is a typo
and not some weird teen lingo.
>Buffy shook her head. "I went out, vampire attacked me i freaked got
>cut, he took me back to his place, bandaged me up...and.." her voice
>cracked.
CROW: And Willow and Xander were impaled on the razor-sharp shards of
her voice. The end.
>Xander and Willow looked confused. "And what?" willow asked.
>Giles popped out of his office. "Buffy just had a tough night and
>stayed at his house...thats all about that."
TOM: What is this, the Fisher Price "My First Exposition" playset?
>Buffy nodded looking the opposite way.
CROW: Opposite to -what-? Even Einstein couldn't work out this
frame of reference.
>The two shrugged. "We'll see you at lunch Buff." Xander yelled walking
>out.
CROW: Xander's Turette's is acting up again.
>Giles walked up to Buffy. "Now what was the matter last night?"
TOM: <Buffy> I just had a tough night and stayed at his house...thats
all about that.
CROW: <Giles> SEE YOU AT LUNCH, BUFF!!!!!!!
>Buffy sat down and swallowed. "Giles, ever since that night..I've been
>so scared of darkness...and vampires...and death,
TOM: And lions, and tigers, and bears...
CROW: And failure, and heights, and white shoes after Labor Day...
MIKE: And E. Coli, and bagpipes, and sealing wax, and string.
> and it just broke
>down on me last night. I don't know what to do.." she drifted off
>stiffling a sob. Giles nodded. "Well I suppose you need to hang, as you
>kids say around with people at night...until you regain your bravery
>mm?" The watcher said taking off his glases.
TOM: His Paul Michael Glases?
MIKE: Of course, everyone knows that the traditional psychiatric
treatment for hysterical phobia and paranoia is standing around
in a nightclub until it goes away.
>"I'm staying at Angel's tonight..." she whispered.
>"I thought so...well..you be careful."
CROW: That's our Giles. Watcher. Protector. Enabler.
>The slayer nodded and walked to biology. 'Careful..I was careful in the
>hellmouth..and I died...
MIKE: Well, if by "careful" you mean "marched alone into prophesied death
in an underground tunnel", then yes, you have a point there.
> and if it weren't for Angel and Xander...I'd
>still be in that puddle of water.'
CROW: Oh, it's not that bad, Buffy. I'm sure by -now- the Master would
have had you stuffed and mounted, hanging from some wall of the
palace as he continues his worldwide reign of terror and
bloodshed.
> she blinked back tears and looked
>over to see Xander staring at her worriedly.
>He mouthed 'you ok?'
TOM: Then he went to the utility closet and mouthed Cordelia.
>She nodded and half smiled. The bell rang and she packed her stuff up.
>"Hey Buffy wait up!" Xander said walking after her.
>She looked up at him.
MIKE: <Buffy> Hey... sound came out of your mouth this time...
>"You looked like your dog just died in class....you don't have a dog,
>so I'm guessing something else."
CROW: And even if she had a dog, I bet they wouldn't let her take it
into her classroom. Especially it being all sickly and stuff.
>"It's nothing...just dust...pollen..allergy season."
TOM: Duck season! Allergy season!
>"I'd buy that if it were allergy season."
CROW: I'd buy THAT for a dollar!
MIKE: So now Buffy's so incompetent she can't even come up with a
decent lie?
>"Look Xander it's nothing ok..nothing." the slayer screeched and walked
>off.
CROW: Whoa! She smoked her tires there. Still, good acceleration.
Speaking of acceleration, let's screech out of here.
[Door Sequence]
TOM: Well, that's nice.
CROW: Yeah! So far, so good!
MIKE: That's the spirit, guys! Don't let it get to you. Now, I was thinking.
Imagine if this fanfic were actually accepted as a script by Joss
Whedon?
BOTS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! [faint]
[Cut to clock on the wall. Hours pass. Bots wake up.]
TOM: You were saying, Mike?
MIKE: Right. So then, the story gets produced, without any major changes to
the text.
BOTS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! [faint]
[Cut to clock on the wall. Hours pass. Bots wake up.]
CROW: OK, got it. Continue.
MIKE: So, the week before the show is actually aired on national
television...
BOTS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! [faint]
[Cut to clock on the wall. Hours pass. Bots wake up.]
TOM; Uh huh, one week before...
MIKE: Well, they'd have to promote it, right? So that people would
actually -watch- it.
BOTS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! [faint]
[Cut to clock on the wall. Hours pass. Bots wake up.]
CROW: So, assuming all that, <shudder>, what's your point?
MIKE: Well, I was wondering how the WB Promo Department would
handle it?
TOM: Oh, is -that- all? That's easy. [WB Promo] Tonight, on a very special
episode of Jo's Joss Whedon's Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Sunnydale's
residents are not what they seem....
CROW: [Giles] Well I suppose you need to hang, as you kids say around with
people at night.
TOM: And the slayer is helpless to stop it.
CROW: [Buffy] All I can think of is you dying...or Willow..or Xander...or
Giles...
TOM: The only one who can help her... may be too late.
CROW: [Angel] She got scratched so I took her back to my place and she was
ready to go when she collpased by the door and cried telling me she was
to scared. I don't know what to do?
TOM: Buffy. On the WB's New Tuesday.
MIKE: That's pretty good, Tom.
TOM: And now, stay tuned for the critically acclaimed drama, "Dawson's
Creek".
CROW: [Paula Cole] o/~I don't wanna wait... for our lives... to be over...o/~
MIKE: OK, guys, that's enough. We've got fanfic sign!!!!!
[The usual chaos ensues]
TOM: Kiss the frog, baby!
[Door Sequence]
>*Part 5*
TOM: In our series of "inappropriate verb usage examples".
>Buffy grabbed some popcorn and got in black hip huggers and a lavendar
>shirt. As Buffy was adding a silver belt chain , she heard the
>doorbell.
MIKE: Wait! You haven't told us about her SHOES!
> She slowly walked down and peeked through the glass to see
>angel looking the oppisite direction.
CROW: I can just imagine seeing this on film. Nobody would be looking
at each other. It'd be like an Obsession ad, only in color.
>"Hey" she smiled opening the door.
>"You look nice." Angel said staring.
TOM: ...openmouthed at the incredible fashion faux pas of black
hiphuggers with a lavender shirt.
CROW: After Labor Day, too.
>"I try." Buffy said with a sigh. "what are you doing here?"
>"Well if we're gonna have another sleepover I figured I'd pick you up."
MIKE: That's about the least subtle come-on line I've ever heard.
>"Well thats sweet. Lemme just get my shoes on."
MIKE: Oh, thank goodness. For a while there, I was worried we wouldn't
hear about her shoes.
>He stared down at her feet. "Yeah that'd be helpful." They both smiled
CROW: Shoes. Funny. Ha.
>and Buffy ran upstairs and grabbed some black sandals. "Ok..let's go."
>She grabbed her bag and locked the door.
MIKE: But what -color- was the bag?
>"Whats in the bag?" The vampire questioned.
MIKE: And what color was it?
>"PJ's and stuff...I kinda wanna look decent when i go to school." she
>smiled.
TOM: If people keep smiling like this, I'm going to start looking
around for Sonic the Hedgehog.
>"Ah yes thats a good plan. Feeling better?"
>"Yeah...still a little scared...but I'll live."
CROW: <Angel> Well, until you grow old and DIE... what? Was it
something I said?
>They walked silently towards his house. Buffy stared at his hands. 'I
>wish we could walk hand in hand like a couple' she sighed.
MIKE: That's one heck of an enunciation on that sigh.
> Buffy jumped
>and grabbed his hand thinking she heard a growl. "Whats the matter?"
TOM: It's the stuff that, along with the energy, can neither be
created nor destroyed, but can be converted from one to the
other.
>"I'm hearing things..." Buffy whispered and looked down at their two
>hands locked.
MIKE: So, would that qualify the "sigh" five lines previous as an
attempt at foreshadowing?
> They stayed that way both loving walking like that, their
>two hands together, like the two of them should be.
CROW: Wow. A double gerund, authorial projection, run-on sentence.
That's gonna raise the difficulty level quite a bit.
TOM: But the Russian judge only gives her an eight! Boo!
> Angel pushed his
>door open and let go of her hand. Buffy walked in and put her bag on
>the bed.
MIKE: We still don't know what color the bag is. We're spared no other
detail of the entire walk, including various hand lockings and
unlockings, but the bag color remains elusive.
>"Thanks for having me here and all. You've been a big help." She smiled
>and sat down on the bed smoothing out the comforter.
CROW: Accidentally discovering that what she thought were wrinkles were
actually "rubber novelties" under the blanket.
>"My pleasure." Angel said with his back turned.
MIKE: In the opposite direction?
TOM: You know, I didn't think clerics got called shots. Because...
he's undead and all, and the clerics can turn undead...
>"So do you have a tv or a radio?"
>Angel shook his head.
>"Your ,living without life's necesities." She smiled. God, girl you
>have to tell him...you know the reason why you've been so
>scared...now's the time to solve it. Tell him..he probably feels the
>same way' buffy thought.
CROW: Whoa! Dramatic whiplash!
TOM: So she's scared because Angel doesn't have a TV or radio?
>"Ok I'm delaying the inevitable here...Angel we need to talk." She
>motioned for him to come over. He sat next to her thier hands and faces
>inches apart.
MIKE: Five thousand inches apart. It was a big apartment.
TOM: So to speak.
>"Ok time for this to come out.
CROW: She said, reaching for Angel's left eye.
> I think the main reason why I've been so
>scared is because...at the Hellmouth I thought of all the things I
>haven't done... I haven't danced with Xander...
TOM: Wait. She's -dying- and that's the first thing she thinks of?
> I haven't catched a
>bouquet, I haven't gone bungee jumping...
CROW: I haven't "catched" a bouquet -while- bungee jumping...
MIKE: I haven't danced with Xander while caughting a bouquet and
bungee jumping...
> but most of all I didn't even
>try to work something out with you."
TOM: [Buffy] Now, if a train leaves New York traveling 50 miles per hour...
>Angel stared at her. "Buffy..you know...we can't"
MIKE: ...work this out. The undead suck at word problems.
>"We can't what?" She stood.
CROW: I said, we can't work this out! Didn't you hear me? We're only inches
apart!
> "Who cares what the books say...
TOM: What books exactly would these be? Are discussions of vampire/
slayer relationships that common in psychiatric literature?
> Angel I am
>not going to be around for as long as you are. I should of taken my own
>advice 'seize the moment because tommorow you might be dead'.
MIKE: <Angel> Who told you! I mean, um, good point.
> And thats
>one thing I want to accomplish before I go...and it's not fair that
>things hold us back like this. Angel...I want it to work...I..I love
>you angel....from the minute we met there was a spark. Please try? I
>trust you..."
CROW: You get the feeling there should be little checkboxes in front of
all those fragments, and an instruction to "check all that
apply"?
>He looked down.
TOM: The opposite direction from up.
>"So you don't feel the same huh? So all of this has been pity? ok, I
>see it now." The slayer took her bag and ran out. Angel just stared.
MIKE: But what -color- was the bag?
>"Buffy I do love you..." he whispered and ran out. He saw her hugging
>her knees near the door.
CROW: <Buffy> I lost a contact lens!
>"What took you so long?" she whispered.
TOM: Traffic.
>He crouched down next to her and hugged her.
>"Buffy I do love you...I do...but it's hard...
ALL: <clear throats>
> I'm afraid I might hurt
>you..." "I trust you...I know you would never do that..I just know." He
>took her hand and led her into his apartment. "I will make it work, I
>promise you." he kissed her gently.
MIKE: That's a lot of fuss over a broken garbage disposal.
---------Bryan Lambert----<bryn...@minn.net---------
RATTM's Official Biggest Wuss: Watch out!
Future Keeper/Maintainer: "Modern Space Ghost FAQ"
-<Visit the Messy Canvas: www1.minn.net/~bryncthy>---