MiSTed--(1/3) Meaghan Edwards' Lion King fanfics
Håkan Svensson
"King at Pride Rock", "Coming of the Wolves" and "Scar's Last Chance"
MiSTed by Håkan Svensson, with host segments by Jamas Enright
This is my first attempt, so any feedback, suggestions and PAL format
tapes of MST3K episodes are appreciated. Thanks again to Jamas for writing
the host segments for me.
[Opening sequence. SOL]
[Mike and the 'bots are staring at things past Cambot.]
MIKE: [pointing out something] You see? I told you bears had brown fur.
CROW: Yeah, makes it easy to disguise when they have an accident.
MIKE: Crow! This is supposed to be a learning experience.
TOM: I liked the zebras. Made me feel as if I was the pavement, and the
road was moving all around me.
MIKE: That's very existential of you, Tom.
CROW: Also very crazy.
TOM: Why can you never appreciate the finer things in life?
CROW: Hey, I wasn't the one who thought that weiner dogs was a good idea.
MIKE: Guys, we're here to enjoy the animals, remember. Now look at that
panda.
'BOTS: Wow.
MIKE: [finally realising they're on] Hi everybody, and welcome to the
Satillite of Love. I'm Mike Nelson, and today we got really
bored, so we decided to go to the zoo.
CROW: Except we can't really go to the zoo so we're just imaging.
TOM: And since we 'bots haven't seen all these animals, we don't really
know what Mike's talking about.
CROW: Nothing unusual there.
MIKE: Guys, hush, and enjoy yourselves. We'll be right back in a moment.
[Commercials, commercials, and, guess what?, more commercials.]
[Back on the SOL.]
CROW: Yeah? Well, I wanna see the monkeys again.
TOM: You just want to teach them to moon to people.
MIKE: Come on, guys. We're here to enjoy ourselves, not argue.
TOM: Mike, I'm hungry, I want some popcorn.
MIKE: You're a robot. You don't need to eat.
TOM: Rub it in, why don't you?
CROW: I just don't want to be with you guys anymore.
[Gypsy comes in.]
GYPSY: I want to see Richard Basehart.
MIKE: But Richard Basehart isn't in the zoo.
GYPSY: Who said anything about a zoo?
[MADS lights flash.]
MIKE: Now Bobo and Minnie are calling.
[He hits the button.]
[Deep 13]
DR F: A zoo trip, eh, elephant man? Well, it's just as well because your
experiment today...
[Pearl comes on, and presses her hand against Dr F's foreheard.]
PEARL: Ah you feeling all right, Clayton? You look like you're coming
down with something.
DR F: [irritated] I'm fine, mother.
PEARL: No, I don't think you are. [she leaves]
DR F: [shaking his head] Mothers. Anyway, lemurs, you're experiment
today is about bellies, dead people returning, and animals in
strange places. I'm talking about, of course, a whole slew of
fanfics all based on "The Lion King".
[Pearl returns, holding a giant thermometer.]
PEARL: Right, Clayton, time to take your temperature. And you know I
don't have anything to do with that rubbish about taking your
temperature from your mouth. So bend over, my lad.
[Dr F. screams, and Pearl grabs him, hauling him away. He manages to hit
the button as he goes.]
DR F: If I'm suffering, so are you!
[SOL]
MIKE: [wincing] I almost feel sorry for him.
CROW: Really?
MIKE: ...no.
[Divers alarums]
ALL: WE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!
<6..5..4..3..2..@..>
>Subject: King at Pride Rock (fan-fiction)
MIKE: Ladies and gentlemen, please give a big hand for the king of rock!
TOM: [Elvis] Thank yuh very much...
>From: ak...@freenet.hamilton.on.ca (Meagnan Edwards)
TOM: These fanfics make me wish I had an ak047.
>Date: 1997/01/10
>Message-Id: <5b45rs$r...@main.freenet.hamilton.on.ca>
CROW: Since this is a Lion King fanfic, is it okay if I make a lame "mane"
pun here?
MIKE: No.
>Organization: Hamilton-Wentworth FreeNet, Ontario, Canada.
TOM: FreeNet - It's worth every penny!
>Keywords: Lion King fan-Fiction
MIKE: o/~ Satellite of love tonight, it is where we are... o/~
>Newsgroups: rec.arts.disney.animation
>Summary: Scar and Mufasa fight each other for leadership.
>
>
> It was a hazy morning across the pridelands. Mufasa and Scar knew
>this was their day to chalange one another.
ALL: Ewww!
TOM: Mike, exactly how do you chalange someone?
MIKE: I don't know, but it certainly sounds dirty.
> Ahadi, their father, planned this since the day the two brothers
>were born.
TOM: Scar and Mufasa are twins?
MIKE: Let it pass...
> He never wished for Scar to be born, and all he wanted was for
>Mufasa to kill Scar, and get it all over with. Almost everyday or so,
>Ahadi set out to Scar's den, awake him, and brutally torture him.
MIKE: [Ahadi] Let me tell you a little goodnight story, Scar: "This is a next
Generation story. All spelling errors are to be ingored."
TOM: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
CROW: No one should have to be put through that!
> Scar cringed every time he saw his father approach him. Mufasa,
>though, was 100% more braver.
MIKE: Robert Braver?
> His young brother was jelous of his father's
>attention to his older brother.
CROW: I suppose Meaghan just ran out of proper nouns.
> But be would never dream of chalanging
>Ahadi, or to that matter, Akase.
TOM: Akase?
MIKE: A basket kase.
>
> "Scar," called Akase.
TOM: But unfortunately the line was busy.
> "What is it, mother?" answered Scar.
> "Come here for a moment," Akase whispered.
>
> Scar approached his mother politely with a smile. Akase looked him
>over with a suspicious look on her face. Scar started to worry. Seing that
>he was extreamly underfed, Akase sighed.
MIKE [Akase]: How will you ever survive if you keep feeding on bugs?
>
> "Don't be afraid to surrender," Akase advised.
> "No. I refuse!" hissed Scar.
> "Why not?" she snapped.
>
> Scar turned around to face her with a growl.
TOM: So, Akase has been talking to Scar's tail throughout this dialogue?
CROW: Well, pretty much the same thing seems to come out of either end in
this story...
> The lioness stepped
>back and looked at Scar seriously.
>
> "Fine, be that way!" Akase snarled.
>
> Scar turned and walked away.
MIKE: Has anyone else noticed that the characters seem to turn rather a lot
in this story?
TOM: Perhaps they're just fond of dancing.
CROW: o/~ For just no reason, turn, turn, turn... o/~
> His mother watched him leave as he
>disapered across the rolling hills of the pridelands. It is against all
>regulutions of the pridelands to have two leaders.
CROW: Prideland regulation #69: Friendly solutions to leadership problems
should always defer to violence.
> Only one will be fit to
>be King, have a mate and raise cubs.
TOM: I see your two cubs and raise you five...
> If the King had a brother sibling,
CROW: You mean a brother?
MIKE: Let's not jump to conclusions.
> he
>would fight him for the position. The defeated brother automatically
>becomes the Omega, or the subordinate.
TOM: Well, one of those two. I'm not quite sure which.
MIKE: Well, I wouldn't want to be the guy that had to read through
"Jammers".
> Usually the defeated male leaves
>his brother's Kingdom and finds himself a pride to join. Or if he decides
>to stay, he will be brutally tortured, abused or neglected.
CROW: [Snagglepuss] Ignored, even!
> Mufasa already knows he will become the King. Being the largest
>male in the pride, Mufasa has been long-admired by other lions.
CROW: [falsetto] Oh, Mufasa! You're sooo *big*!
MIKE: Crow! Not in front of the kids!
> Scar, on
>the other hand, has almost been compleatly forgot about. His harsh father
>drove him near death, and the donimance fight has never been forgotten out
>of his mind.
TOM: [starts to shudder] Well, it's rather normal that he hasn't forgotten
the fight, especially since THE FIGHT HASN'T BEGUN YET!
> As many hours past, Akase grew nervous. She is worried about her
>young son, and Mufasa. No lion in the pride knows which lion will be the
>King and have his choice of his mate.
TOM: [Sivers more violently, smoke start to rise from his dome] Except,
one paragraph ago, MUFASA ALREADY KNEW!
> Only Rafiki does. He could sense who
>will be the winner in a fight for donimmance long before it will happen.
CROW: Hmm. In this corner, we have the largest and strongest lion in the
pride. In the other, we have a much weaker and physically abused
lion on the brink on starvation. Gee, looks like a fair fight to me.
I could *never* guess who will win.
MIKE: [Venting Tom's dome before it can explode] Tom? Are you alright?
TOM: Urk! Urk! Urk!
>The fight for donimance is drawing nearer. Mufasa and Scar grow restless.
>
> "I'll win this fight, Mufasa!" Scar jeerred.
CROW: To err is human, to jeerr is feline.
MIKE: [Still trying to fix Tom] Tommy, can you hear me?
TOM: Thanks, Mike. I feel better now.
>
> Mufasa scowled and narrowed his eyes. The sound of Scar's acidy
>voice
MIKE: It was fed through a TB-303.
> started to make him tense. The two lions begain to circle each
>other.
>
> "We'll see about that!" Mufasa replied.
CROW: Oh yeah? Well, *your* momma is...
MIKE: That will be quite enough.
>
> Scar raised his hackles and curled back his lips, with his teeth
>bared in aggression. Mufasa did not buy this.
TOM: [Mufasa] Eewww! I don't even understand why he'd want to sell me his
dentures.
> He was not bothered by
>Scar's intimidation. He knew that Scar was much smaller than he was.
CROW: The scar, yes, but what about the rest of the body?
>
> "This is a fight to the death, Mufasa, I'll win it!" Scar snarled
>
> As fast as greased lightning, Scar lunged at Mufasa from above a
>pillar,
TOM: But weren't they circling each other earlier?
MIKE: Perhaps Scar was standing on a very large pillar.
> nearly knocking him off-balance.
CROW: *Who* was nearly knocked off-balance? Mufasa or Scar?
MIKE: Yes.
> The two males fought fiercly,
>clawing at one another's throats. The lionesses watched from a distance as the
>vicious battle for donimance went on for hours.
MIKE: I could have actually told you about the battle, but I didn't want to
scare the kids.
> Scar and Mufasa rose on
>their two hind legs,
TOM: [Sarcasm sequencer] Really? I thought lions had three legs in the front
and one in the back!
> throwing swipes of their paws at each other's faces.
>Scar dodged Mufasa's paw swipes and kept ducking down each time Mufasa
>swung at him. Mufasa was clearly angry with Scar's wit.
CROW: Duuuh... Stop moving when I try to hit you or something.
> Scar jumped back as Mufasa lunged at him suddenly. Scar sneered
>and jumped over his back as quick as possible.
MIKE: Tired of the violent fighting, Scar and Mufasa start a friendly game
of leapfrog.
> Using his keen
>intelligence, Scar jumped out of Mufasa's way, avoiding to be caught.
TOM: No fair! He's using telekinesis!
>
> "Stand still, Scar!" orderd Mufasa.
TOM: With a can of soda to go.
> "Oh, why should I?" Scar sneered.
CROW: So that Mufasa can hit you, why else?
> "Because if you don't, you'll miss your opputurnaty to become
>King!" Mufasa lied.
MIKE: [Mufasa] I am your brother, Scar! Surrender to the dark side!
> "I'm not stupid. I know what you are going to do," gibed Scar.
> "Was that a challange?" demanded Mufasa.
> "Yes, it was, in a matter-of-factly!" snapped Scar.
ALL: [Stunned silence]
TOM: You have to admit that it's not just any author who can come up
with writing this bad.
>
> Mufasa roared in anger. He leaped at Scar and finally got hold of
>him in his jaws. Mufasa sunk his teeth into Scar's shoulders and sunk his
>fang's into his flesh.
CROW: After that, Mufasa bit Scar.
> Scar yelped in pain and swiftly took off as quick
>as a rocket. Mufasa went after him as quick as possible.
MIKE: Quickly.
>
> "This fight's not over with yet, Scar!" Mufasa roared.
>
> Scar found himself trapped in front of a boulder were the
>lionesses were watching the fight. Seeing Scar, Mufasa lept at him with
>incredible speed
MIKE: Considering that Scar was "extreamly underfed" at the beginning of
this fanfic, I don't believe it either.
> and knocked him off his feet. Scar slowly got up on his
>legs and snarled. The two outraged brothers attacked one anther
TOM: Hey! Go easy on the athers!
MIKE: And two lions on one anther, that's just not fair.
> , trying to
>donimate the other.
CROW: Mike, pleeeease?
MIKE: No way.
> Enraged, Mufasa struck Scar across his left eye. A few
>drops of blood ozzed
TOM: Whoa! Suddenly we're in a Peter Jackson movie!
CROW: Well, you have to admit that this fanfic is pretty braindead.
> out from the wound. Feeling defeated, Scar drops onto
>the ground with a thud.
MIKE: So, if this is how Scar got his scar, what was Scar called before that?
> Scar looked up at Mufasa with the most timid smile he could of
>ever made. Scar slowly rised from his feet and cringes as Mufasa stares at
>him right in the eye.
TOM: I'm having BAD "Cyborged" flashbacks here...
> He averts Mufasa's donimant stare, and starts to
>cower even more. Mufasa starts to growl, trying to make full eye contact
TOM: Yeah! It's full contact fighting!
CROW: Bring in Rafiki!
>with his young brother. Using the same technique that he uses to save
>himself every morning from being killed by his father, Scar rolled over
>onto his back submissivly, exposing his vurnrable belly to his supiorior.
CROW: Well, that makes sense. Make it easy to be killed and you'll live.
TOM: [Freezes in place, dome starts blinking] Illogical! Illogical!
MIKE: Easy, guys. Meaghan is just confusing lions with wolves.
CROW: Oh, that's such a nice thing to do if you're writing a story about
lions...
> Scar begain to start whimper in defeat. Mufasa stood over his
>vanquished brother, looking down at him seriously. In a position that Scar
>is in right now, Mufasa could easily kill him. But no. Mufasa accepts
>Scar's submission,
TOM: To "Reader's Digest".
MIKE: Meaghan, on the other hand, only managed to attain the Readers'
Disgust.
> and gently nuzzles his brother with his head. Scar
>starts to purr, and continued to look up at his brother with a small timid
>smile.
CROW: Errr...
MIKE: This fanfic has now gone into a whole weird new area.
> Ahadi approaches Mufasa with an arrogant smile, and then looks
>down at Scar with a snarl.
>
> "Why haven't you killed him?" growled Ahadi.
TOM: [Scar] Well... I suppose it's because I'm lying helpess and defeated on
the ground.
> "Because I can't!" Mufasa stood up for his brother.
> "Why can't you?" demanded Mufasa.
MIKE: Yeah, we're kind of curious about that, too!
>
> Mufasa looks down at Scar with both of his lips pulled back in
>aggression. He thrusted his face into Scar's face
CROW: It's Beavis and Headbutt!
MIKE and TOM: [Loud groaning]
> and looks him right into
>the eyes. Scar turned his head away in submission and looked the oppisite
>way.
>
> "Mufasa, please don't hurt me! You win, you are the King, I
>yield!" Scar lamented sadly.
TOM: Lamenting happily would have been quite a feat!
> "In that case, fine then!" Mufasa smiled gently. Greatly relived,
>Scar slowly raised his greatly weakened body from the ground.
MIKE: Scar was resurrected?
CROW: No, but I have an eerie feeling that's in a later story.
> Seeing his
>father, he pulls himself back and tucked his tail between his legs.
TOM: Yes, it is now official that Meaghan thinks that lions behave like
wolves.
> Scar
>lowered his head and stood still as Ahadi approached him.
>
> "From now on, Mufasa is the King of Pride Rock!" announced Ahadi.
TOM: Ahadi is committing suicide?
MIKE: He's abdicating for some reason. Try to look past the plot holes.
TOM: But this plot has more holes than a sieve!
CROW: What plot?
>
> Scar admired his brother's strenght, wisdom and donimance,
[Crow is visibly struggling to keep his beak shut]
> and also
>accepted the fact that he was now an Omega.
TOM: That's horrible! No software support, only ancient and slow
processors available, no memory protection, fanatical and obnoxious
users...
[A loud "A-HEM" is heard in the theater.]
MIKE: What was that?
CROW: I think our author shares Joel's taste in computers.
> Ahadi, and occasionally Mufasa
>and the meanest females in the pride to harras him in anyway. If he
>objected to such torture, he would be savagely maimed or even killed.
ALL: [Cringe in their seats]
TOM: [Scar] But Ahadi, I don't want to be tortured today!
CROW: [Ahadi] What? That will be one death and two dismemberments, my
young man!
> Scar
>stayed out of the king's way, and his warm, placid tempermant had changed
>over to jelous and lowly.
TOM: Which *naturally* justifies Scar killing Mufasa, trying to kill Simba,
and ruining the entire Pridelands.
> Occasionally Rafiki would come over the Scar's den in the morning
>before Ahadi did for his daily torture, and try to do the best he can to
>defend his friend.
MIKE: Hi-keeba!
>
> "Someday, Scar, you'll take the right path to destiny. Deep inside
>you is a power without a name.
TOM: [Church Lady] Could it be... SATAN?
> It could rise to you at the moment and
>you'll be stronger that anyone you know," inspired Rafiki.
>
> "Yes, someday I'll take the path to my destination.
MIKE: Well, that's usually where paths lead, you know.
> I may never
>become king, but someday, somehow, I'll preform a duty that is nearly
>impossible to preform," Scar replied.
TOM: I kind of wonder how he made the rivers dry out, myself.
>
> Across the horizon, Mufasa scans his kingdom, looking out for
>signs of intruders.
CROW: How did Mufasa end up at the horizon?
MIKE: Through the wonders of bad grammar. It's amazing what it can achieve.
> Every evening, Zazu the hornbill would report with the
>daily news of the pridelands, both good and bad.
>
>=======================================================================
MIKE: All ASCII characters are equal, but some are more equal than others.
>
>Tell me what you think about this story!
ALL: [Mike makes "OK" sign with his hand] It stinks!
> This is my first fanfic, and
>Once in a while, I'll keep on writing new stories whenever I get around to
>it.........
CROW: Threats will get you nowhere!
>
>Meaghan
>
>e-mail
TOM: "Meaghan Email"? That's a strange name.
>
>sca...@freenet.hamilton.on.ca
>
>==========================================================================
CROW: The end, and not one minute to early. Let's go.
TOM: No, wait, it's starting up again!
>Path: news.kth.se!nntp.uio.no!news.apfel.de!
MIKE: Well, at least there's some nutrition in this post.
TOM: And caffeine as well.
>worldnet.att.net!howland.erols.net!
CROW: Arrrrrrroooooooooooooooo!
> torn!hone!informer1.cis.McMaster.CA!
>hwfn!james!ak092
>From: ak...@freenet.hamilton.on.ca (Meagnan Edwards)
TOM: Wait, Does that say Meg_n_an Edwards?
MIKE: Errrr... Yes.
TOM: So we're dealing with someone who misspells *his own name* here?
MIKE: Well...
TOM: Thanks. Just wanted that made clear.
>Newsgroups: rec.arts.disney.animation
>Subject: Scar's *Real* Personality
TOM: RI-336i: The TRUE personality of Supressive Person Scar EXPOSED.
MIKE: Never, ever, do that again.
>Date: 11 Feb 1997 01:08:04 GMT
>Organization: Hamilton-Wentworth FreeNet, Ontario, Canada.
TOM: I don't know about you, but *I* wouldn't call Meaghan's posts
organized.
CROW: They're organized all right, the question is just which organ.
>Lines: 14
MIKE: Come on! Noel Gallagher takes more than that in a day!
>Message-ID: <5dogpk$e...@main.freenet.hamilton.on.ca>
TOM: "dogpk"? Say hello to Li'l Abner from me!
>NNTP-Posting-Host: james.freenet.hamilton.on.ca
CROW: Freenet, James.freenet.
>X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2-HWFN]
TOM: Look! It's the Tin Man!
MIKE: Yeah, but what about Scarecrow's brain?
>Xref: news.kth.se rec.arts.disney.animation:15827
> I belive that Scar's Real Personality is very meek, very timid and
>very faint-hearted.
TOM: I also believe in the tooth fairy, father Christmas and promises made
by politicans before elections.
> Kick him in the jaw and that would make him run away
>with his tail between his legs or groveling at your feet.
CROW: His tail groveling at your feet? Gross!
> Show him a knife
>and that will make him whimper and roll over on his back in utter
>submission. Show him a American Pit Bull Terrier and Scar will get all
>vicious again and fight to the death.
CROW: Meaghan, hear this message from the bottom of my CPU: GET A LIFE!
MIKE: But The Lion King is a way of life!
[Bots stare at Mike]
TOM: You are not one of us.
> I am excluding the fact that Scar
>plotted a evil plan, killed Mufasa and nearly Simba and devastated the
>Pridelands.
TOM: Feel free to! What is a little murder and devastation between
friends?
> But I feel sorry for this lowly feline.
>Anyone disagree/agree
TOM: Yes, that pretty much covers the possibilities.
MIKE: Actually, that's *more* than what covers the possibilities.
>
>Meaghan Edwards
>
>E-mail ak...@freenet.hamilton.on.ca
TOM: And it's over at last. Let's leave.
<..@..2..3..4..5..6>
[end of part 1]