[MiSTing] "The New Season" (1/5) THE SPECIAL EDITION
Tjats
children under 13.
--------------------------
episode 104 of SFT1B
Turn down your lights (if you want to)
In the not-too-distant future
On the Satelite of Love
Mike Nelson and his robot pals
Are in orbit above:
The planet Earth, this century
Where Pearl Forrester sends them all misery
She finds bad fanfics right off the street
And she'll send them up to Mike until he bows down to her feet!
(Mike: Make it stop!)
"I'll send him cheesy stories,
The worst I can find!(lalala)
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And I'll monitor his mind!(lalala)"
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Which fanfic she'll send him next.(lalala)
He'll try and suffer through them all,
With the help of his robot friends!
ROBOT ROLL CALL
CAMBOT!("Hit it")
GYPSY!("Oh, my!")
TOM SERVO!("Find my eyes, I dare ya!")
CROOOOOOW!("You know you want me, baby!")
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
And other science facts,
Go get a degree physics,
or really just relax!
for Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000!
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL int.] Mike, Tom, Crow, and Gypsy are all looking directly into Cambot's
lens.
MIKE[desperate]: Attention, people of Earth! Attention people of Earth!
We need your help! We're stuck up on this satelite orbiting the planet, and we
have to get
down or we're DOOMED!
CROW: Tell them about your BO, too, Mike.
MIKE[looking at Crow]: No! Leave me alone! [turns back to Cambot] No, not
you! please!
You have to get us down!
[Strange static fills the bridge. Mike and the Bots are confused.]
MIKE: Huh?
SERVO: What's that?
VOICE: Hello, this is the Pentagon Space Division. Please give us your exact
location.
[Cheers from the Bots.]
MIKE[over cheers]: We're above central Wisconson! My name is Michael J.
Nelson, and these are
my robot companions, Crow T. Robot, Tom Servo, and Gypsy.
CAMBOT: What about me?
MIKE: And Cambot.
MAGIC VOICE: And me!
MIKE: And Magic Voice
OTHER VOICE WITH SWEEDISH ACCENT: Und me, Michke! Larry!
MIKE: And Larry. Huh?
PENTAGON: Okay, we'll just send someone up to get you on the Space Shuttle
mission next
week.
[All cheer, even Larry.(who is still off-camera)]
[Mike looks puzzled.]
MIKE[to Bots]: Say, who's Larry?
[The satelite shakes. We can hear the twisting and ripping of metal outside.]
GYPSY: Oh, no! I forgot to set the auto pilot![she rushes off-screen]
MIKE: Cambot, give me Rocket Number Nine!
[SOL ext.] The Satelite has collided with the Russian Space Station Mir. It's
all bent out of
shape.
SERVO[voiceover]: Mike! You hit Mir!
[SOL int.]
MIKE: Me?! How could I?
PENTAGON[outraged]: You have just destroyed the most rediculous project ever
launched by
a foreign country! You will never get down! If you do, you will be arrested
and beaten!
MIKE: But, I didn't do anything!
-commercial sign-
SERVO: Mike, first all those planets, now this! I HATE YOU! I WANT YOU TO
DIE!
MIKE: We'll be right back!
PENTAGON: In fact, I will personally come up there and kill you!
MIKE: You'll have to get in line!
[commercials]
[SOL int.] Mike is looking out the window trying to see Mir. Servo enters
with a clipboard.
SERVO: Okay, Mike. I compiled a bill of all the parts needed to fix the space
station.
MIKE: What's it come to, Servo?
SERVO: Um...twenty billion, five hundred million, six thousand dollars and
seven cents.
MIKE: Who's paying?
SERVO: You just did. The Pentagon already canceled all your credit accounts.
MIKE: Mm-hmm.
SERVO: You aren't mad?
MIKE: This way you can't put your prying paws on any more of my money.
SERVO: ...? Oh, no! NOOOOO!!!
MIKE: Gotcha.
-Mads' sign-
MIKE: The hairless, female lawgiver is calling.
[Castle Forrester] Pearl is helping Observer with a strange weapon.
PEARL: Greetings Captain Jerkway. As you can see I've managed to work all the
bugs out of my
little ray gun. Clown-White-For-Brains says it should be ready any minute now.
So one
wrong move and you'll be dead meat. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Your fanfic today is
called "The New
Season" by a mister A.M. Fleury. I hope you enjoy. It may be your last!
[SOL]
MIKE: Does that mean I'll be getting home?
[CF] Pearl pats the gun
PEARL: One way or another, yes. [chortle]
[SOL] Mike remains clueless. Servo enters.
SERVO: Say, Mike, did you know that our ship's abbreviation is the same one as
S---
-movie sign-
[movie sign alarms buzz out Servo's scentence for one word.]
SERVO: -Out of Luck?
MIKE: I never thought about that.
6...5...4...3...2...1...
[Mike and the Bots enter the theater.]
MIKE: Maybe we should change our name, I mean where is the love anyway?
><HTML><PRE>Subject: Fanfic--The New Season
>From: Pete Fleury <ora...@gtii.com>
>Date: Mon, May 18, 1998 12:53 EDT
>Message-id: <3560676E...@gtii.com>
MIKE: Blah, blah, blah, techno-crap.
>
>This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
SERVO: I bet we'll soon be hearing about flavo-fibes!
>--------------5217F5C0B19C91E5DB46EA14
>Content-Type: text/plain; charset=x-UNICODE-2-0-UTF-7
>Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
CROW: Say, I like that name. Mike, from now on, call me Z-Bit!
MIKE: But it says "7bit".
CROW: Just call me Z-Bit.
MIKE: No.
>
>Ok, I already posted this before, but didn't really get any comments.
SERVO: I can tell it's headed nowhere.
>Anyway, thought I'd post it again, although it will probably be
>overlooked by much more interesting FLAMES and POINTLESS ARGUMENTS.
MIKE: Because flames and pointless arguments are aimed *against* fanfiction.
>Ack, I said the p-word. Anyway, please comment!! And comment on my other
>fanfic too! (The Cousins)
CROW: No thanks.
>
>--Ali
SERVO: It's Prince Ali Ababwa from Alladin!
>--------------5217F5C0B19C91E5DB46EA14
CROW: That's my AOL password.
>Content-Type: text/plain; charset=x-UNICODE-2-0-UTF-7; name="nseas.txt"
>Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
>Content-Disposition: inline; filename="nseas.txt"
>
>All right! Has anyone read the outline for the would-have-been third season
of the SATam
>Sonic show?
SERVO: No, but I'll bet you'll tell it to us!
>Well, I did. And I decided to do a short little story about part of it! If
you want, you
>can read the outline, as told to Alessandro Sanasi by Ben Hurst (one of the
writers for the
>SATam show). I got it off Dan Drazen's FAQ. It's at the bottom (Cause it's
got SPOILERS!).
MIKE: Is SATam the rival of RATMM?
>
>Ok, I guess the ideas in this story are (c) DIC.
>However, the story is (c) 98 by me, Allison M. Fleury
CROW: But up there in the header your name was Pete!
>All "Sonic the Hedgehog" characters and related indicia (c) and TM Sega.
>Used without permission.
>Oh yeah, my email is: ora...@gtii.com
SERVO: Good, now I'll just crash your computer by e-mailing you Windows 95.
>
>Send those comments!
ALL[raising hands in the OK sign]: It stinks!
>
>This document may be freely distributed, as long as it's not altered in any
way.
>Ok, peoples, this story contains: some violence & swearing...just a warning...
MIKE: He put swear words in it just to make it seem like it's for adults.
>
>Just a note: these +AH4Afg- indicate thought!
SERVO: Why not use italics or ' ' s?
MIKE: How did you do that?
>
>"The New Season"
>By Allison M. Fleury
MIKE: Who will never work in this country again.
>
> They must've known he was low on SWATbots. It was true, without
Robotnik breathing
>down his neck and the motivation of his fists, Snively admitted he'd been
lazy.
CROW: Getting tubby on reconst and flavo-fibes.
>He'd slept in late, putting the low-intelligence SWATbots in charge. He knew
if he'd used
>his own brain, his own intellect, the Freedom Fighters wouldn't be here.
SERVO: Then why doesn't he use his own brain or intelect?
>They were coming in, destroying all the 'bots who stood in their way, intent
on the command
>center. He knew from the glint in Sonic's eyes that they were coming for him.
MIKE: For his delicious breakfast waffles!
> "You try it, hedgehog, and it's the last thing you'll do." Snively's
eyes narrowed
>and his fingers touched the laser rifle leaning against the console.
SERVO: Which accidentaly went off and vaporized him. The end.
>If the hedgehog made it this far, the only way he would get over the threshold
of the command
>room door was to topple over it, a neat laser hole in his head.
CROW: Snively's been studying under James Bond's nemesies.
> He watched the surveillance monitors, counting the 'bots as the little
brats trashed them.
>78...79...the 80th bot fell to a karate kick by Bunnie.
SERVO: Bunnie Rabbot faces off against the dastardly SWATBOT Number 80,
tonight on
Celebrity Deathmatch!
>He didn't have too many...350 at
>yesterday's count. And at least a hundred of those were posted away from the
command center,
>not even aware of the hedgehog's presence.
MIKE: Then why doesn't he call them?
CROW: [buzz] We're sorry. The Cellular One customer you have called has
traveled outside the
coverage area and cannot come to assist you on your quest for world domination.
Please
call again later.
>
> A SpyEye floated too close to the action, and Sonic grabbed it, staring
into the lens
>of the camera that sent its transmissions to the command room's surveillance
monitors.
MIKE: Sonic got one of Cambot's relatives!
CROW: No!
>"Look here, Snobley, you misewell come out now, wavin' the ole white flag.
Cause you're going
>down."
SERVO: Isn't he legaly required to say "hard" after "going down?"
MIKE: Well Snively is a little lighter than Robo-Tush.
>Then he turned, throwing the SpyEye at a SWATbot sneaking up behind him. The
last
>thing Snively heard before the camera shorted out was the squeal of metal as
Sonic buzzsawed
>through the 'bot.
CROW: Why doesn't Sonic just try reprograming the robot for his own purposes?
> A frustrated whimper broke from Snively's throat. +AH4Afg-I can get
away, he thought,
>there's an emergency hover-unit nearby.+AH4Afg-
SERVO: He thougt "he thought"?
MIKE: I think the writter's just not paying attention.
>He knew if caught by the princess, he would be charged with, and indeed he had
committed,
>the crimes of murder, attempted murder, enslavement, child abuse, torture,
treason...
CROW: Burning his draft card, writing on the bathroom walls, stealing candy
from a baby,
parking in a loading zone...
>If the first five crimes didn't gain him the death penalty, the last certainly
would; the
>punishment for treason was always death. There would be no mercy for him.
SERVO: When did Snively kill anyone? He's usualy just the guy who brings the
victims in.
MIKE: Robotnik's will left Snively with all of his old crimes.
> Then he leapt from the chair and ran down the hallway, ran until he
reached a huge door.
>After a thumb-print and retina scan,
CROW: Not to mention the full strip shirt...
>the door slid open.
>Robotnik had wanted no chances of anyone unwanted getting in or out of this
door; the two
>scans were required to open the door from both sides.
SERVO: So, you needed one person on each side to open the door?
> The room he entered wasn't really big.
MIKE: It was the size of a three-room Japanese apartment.
>One wall was mostly a window, looking down into
>a chamber below. On one end of the chamber was a huge, closed door.
> The entrance to the Void.
SERVO: GASP! There's a *void* where prohibited!
[Servo breaks into a fit of laughter at his joke.]
>Behind those doors was the swirling purple and yellow whirlpool, like a black
hole, but not
>black;
CROW: So a collor-other-than-black hole, then.
>the wormhole that led to the Void. Snively stared down at the doors,
thinking. He
>hadn't come to this place for a safe haven;
MIKE: He came there for fishing bait.
>he knew the Freedom Fighters could get through
>the door if they really wanted to. No, rather, he came to this place to bring
back the one
>who'd ruled Robotropolis before.
CROW: Robotnik?
SERVO: King Acorn?
MIKE: Bill Clinton?
> The thought made him growl in anger, and he slammed his fist down on
the control console
>for the Void.
MIKE: ...breaking it.
SERVO: D'oh!
>Way back, Robotnik had betrayed Nagus, and deleted the retrieval programs that
would pull
>Nagus back out of the Void. But the programs had never really been deleted.
Just buried
>under a load of other files and programs.
CROW: A plot contrivance that spans ten years.
>
>(Ok: flashback time)
ALL: NOOOOOOOOOO!
[They run out of the theater.]
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL int.] A piece of one of the Mir's solar pannels is sticking out of the
left window. Mike
and the bots look at it from the other side of the room.
MIKE: So...
SERVO: It's part of the Mir.
CROW: Yup.
[pause]
MIKE: We can't just let it stay there.
SERVO: No, I guess we can't.
CROW: Not at all.
[pause]
MIKE: Should I use the manipulator arm?
SERVO: Not a good idea.
CROW: Nope.
[long pause]
[Gypsy enters and pushes past Mike and the bots. She's got a hard hat and is
"holding" a
pick ax.]
GYPSY: Come on, guys. We have to get this thing out of here!
[Gypsy hits the pannel over and over again, until it slides out of the hole it
made in the
window. Gypsy leaves.]
[M&TB stare at the gaping hole in the window. Long pause]
MIKE: So, why aren't we being sucked into space?
SERVO: Don't know.
CROW: Don't ask.
[pause]
-commercial sign-
[pause]
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