BATMAN & ROBIN SCRIPT MISTING (10/10)

[Badger]

>
>488C EXT. BATSLED - FLYING
>
> ROBIN
> Youwsa! Nothing but air.

TOM: Robin(tm) gazes into the writer's soul . . .

>
>488D EXT. BATBLADE - FLYING
>
> BATGIRL
> (to the old theme)
> Batgirl, baatgirl, baatgirl.

MIKE: Damn you, Akiva Goldsman, damn you to hell!

>
>488E EXT. FROZEN RIVER
>
> The Batsled and the Batblade hit the ice running, WHIPPING
> in alongside the speeding Bathammer.
>
> The Batvehicles BLAST towards the Observatory.

TOM: At bat-speed!

>
>489 INT. OBSERVATORY - TELESCOPE PLATFORM - NIGHT
>
> Freeze stares at a monitor. The bat-team is now below the
> observatory, at the base of the giant ice cliffs.
>
> FREEZE
> Mr. Bane, I'll finish off the city.
> You, as they say in showbiz, are
> on. Take the boys and kill the kids.
> But bring me the Bat.
>
>490 A GIANT CLOCK TOWER - CLOSE. 11:49
>
> BATMAN (OVER)
> We have eleven minutes to stop Freeze
> And thaw the city.

MIKE: Perhaps I'm just being picky, but if the city is frozen, I'd
bet that clock isn't working.
TOM: Maybe it's a gigantic digital clock.
MIKE: Shut up.

>
> PAN DOWN
>491 EXT. ICE CLIFFS - NIGHT
>
>492 Three tiny figures scale the ice using pitons and ropes.
> PUSH IN.

MIKE: Pull out . . . oh, it's just not fun any more.

>
> BATGIRL
> This is easy.

TOM: I just let me stunt double do everything, even the acting!

>
> ROBIN
> Crimefighter's rule number one:
> never say that.
>
> BATGIRL
> Why?
>
>493 THE LEDGE ABOVE THEM. Suddenly a score of ice-climbing
> Thugs pour over the edge on ropes, sliding down, FIRING
> their guns madly.
>
>494 ROBIN
> That's why.

TOM: It'll summon a plot device.

>
>495 A SHOOTER comes flying down a rope straight towards them,
>496 guns BLAZING. Robin swings wide on his rope, grabbing
> Batgirl, pulling her out of the line of fire. They hit a
> snow bank and roll.
>
> BATGIRL
> Does this mean we're going steady?

TOM: Haha. Ah, the romance. The passion.

>
>497 Four figures land on the snow beside them. Icemen, guns
> drawn.
>
>498 EXT. ICE CLIFFS - NIGHT
>
> Batman uses batpitons to pull himself up onto a ledge just
> below the Observatory. That's when another wave of Icemen
> descend on him from the mists.

TOM: Icemen in the mists, with Sigourney weaver and Ice-Miser.

>
> Batman reaches for a batarang. A beat. Then he smiles.
>
> BATMAN
> Let's do this the old-fashioned way.

MIKE: With real characters, believable action, and genuine human
emotion?

>
> Batman leaves his batarang belted, begins wailing on the
> Icemen using only his hands and feet, flying back fists,
> and spinning roundhouse kicks felling the thugs one
> after another.
>
>499-504 OMITTED

CROW: Poignant moment reflecting on society's inhumanity and
alienation removed for clarity.

>
>505 EXT. ICE CLIFFS - NIGHT
>
> Robin and Batgirl move back to back, surrounded now by a band
> of Icemen. Robin notices a heavily cantilevered overhang of
> snow.
>
> ROBIN
> Crimefighter's rule number two.
>
> BATGIRL
> I'm afraid to ask.

TOM: I'm afraid to WATCH.

>
> ROBIN
> Be ready for anything.
>
>506 Robin puts his hands together and YELLS.

TOM: Ricooooooooooooooollllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

> The ECHO shoots
> up the hill. A tremendous RUMBLING comes back down, the
> overhang of snow dumping on several Icemen.
>
>507 OMITTED
>
>508 Robin does a standing backflip into the Thugs behind him.
>509 Batgirl goes down,

CROW: Woah!

> taking out several more with a deft
> leg sweep.
>
> BATGIRL
> (kicks a thug)
> Pow!
> (punches another)
> What!
> (backhands a third)
> Kazow!

TOM: Curse Goldsmith! A curse on his seed and all his progeny, a
curse, a curse <begins crying>.

>
> ROBIN
> (fighting)
> What exactly are you doing?

TOM: MAKING ME SUIDICAL!
MIKE: Woah, calm down Tom.

>
> BATGIRL
> I don't know. It just feels right.

TOM: Sorry, Mike. I just suddenly remembered the Adam West
televisions how, and it's Shakespeare and Asimov all rolled into one
compared to this tripe.

>
>510 Batgirl and Robin begin fighting their way through the
> Icemen up towards the Observatory.

MIKE: You know, if they just made the Icemen see how dumb this is,
they'd get up there in a flash.

>
>511 INT. OBSERVATORY - NIGHT
>
> Batman pulls himself up onto the aperture ledge as Robin
> and Batgirl climbs in from the other side. The giant
> chamber is empty, the telescope still aimed at Gotham.
>
> BATMAN
> No sign of the snowman.
>
> ROBIN
> Maybe he melted.

MIKE: That's right, Gotham(tm) is an Ice Capade nightmare, take the
time to make jokes.

>
>512 Batman SHOOTS a batgrapple into the ceiling, swings
> across the room, dropping two bat-charges at the feet of
> the frozen Scientists, continues his swing landing on the
> telescope platform.
>
> BATGIRL AND ROBIN swing onto the Telescope platform to
> join Batman.
>
>513 THE BAT CHARGES begin to glow, their radiating heat
> starting to melt the Scientists.

TOM: Woah, a puddle-o-PhD!

>
>513A BATGIRL
> I hope you've got about ten million
> more of those little toys.
>
>514 Batgirl points at the control console clock. 11:52
>
>515 ROBIN
> Eight more minutes and a city full
> of Gothamites are ice cubes forever.

TOM: Some may be Ice-T's as well!

>
> BATMAN
> Sunlight could reverse the freezing
> process.

CROW: So could love . . .

>
> BATMAN
> Sunrise isn't for five hours.
>
> BATMAN
> Here.
>
> ROBIN
> But it's morning in the Congo.

TOM: So if we moved Gotham(tm) to the Congo . . .

>
>516 Batman points to a screen showing a graphic represent-
> tation of the satellites in orbit.
>
> BATMAN
> If we could relay the sunlight-

CROW: We could make the plot totally stupid!

>
> ROBIN
> From the other side of the equator-
>
> BATGIRL
> It'll take the satellites about a
> minute to re-align, but...damn!
>
> ROBIN
> Damn? Damn is not good.

TOM: Dick good. Bruce good. Barbara good. Damn bad.

>
> BATGIRL
> Those targeting mirrors are frozen.
> The sun beam won't work.
>
>517 PULL BACK TO REVEAL TWO SMALL MIRRORS sitting on the
> telescope barrel. Both are encased in ice.

CROW: To preserve freshness.

>
> BATMAN
> I'll set the telescope. You two
> thaw the mirrors.
>
>518 Batgirl and Robin race out onto the telescope, each
> pulling a laser from their utility belts.
>
> BATGIRL
> I love this belt. Can I get a
> matching handbag?

MIKE: And how long ago was she berating Ivy(tm) for making women
look bad?

>
>519 Their LASERS FLARE. Batgirl and Robin begin thawing the
> mirrors.
>
>520 BATMAN goes tot he main console, begins working the
> keyboard.
>
> BATMAN
> Who ever thought Aunt Harriet's
> typing lessons would lead to this?

TOM: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Not Aunt Harriet!
Not her, not here . . .

>
>521 EXT. EARTH - VIEW FROM SPACE
>
> Satellite thrusters FIRE. The giant orbital mirrors
> begin to turn.
>
>522 INT. OBSERVATORY
>
> MONITOR - CLOSE. Graphic satellites begin to adjust.
> TARGETING flashes over a blinking graphic of Gotham
> A digital clock reads: 11:54.

TOM: I feel the tension! No, wait, that's disgust.

>
>523 BATMAN - POV. As he aims the telescope. The skyline
>524 through the crosshairs is suddenly obscured by a blur as
> Freeze drops from the rafters onto the telescope, his face
> now visible in the targeting scope.
>
> FREEZE
> Tonight's forecast...

CROW: Total crap

> (smiles)
> ...a freeze is coming!
>525 OMITTED

MIKE: My thoughts on that last line OMITTED.
>
>526 Freeze grabs Batman and hurls the caped crusader up over
> his head onto the telescope barrel, using his free hand to
> yank the telescope control joystick. The telescope tilts
> sharply downward.
>
>527 BATGIRL AND ROBIN tumble down the telescope barrel,
> rolling towards the lens and the drop TO the city below.
>
>528 BATMAN tumbles, rights himself, spins.

MIKE: Prances. Pirouettes.

>
>529 BATMAN - POV. Freeze is climbing towards the control
>530 console. Batgirl and Robin are rolling towards the end
> of the telescope.
>
>531 No way to get both. A beat. Batman rushes towards
> Freeze.

TOM: You brute, you brute, you brute!

>
>532 EXT. OBSERVATORY
>
> Batgirl and then Robin tumble off the end of the
>533 telescope, dropping towards the city below.

CROW: See ya later kids!

>
>534 INT. OBSERVATORY - TELESCOPE PLATFORM
>
> Freeze has reached the main telescope control. He hits
> a switch.
>
>535 MONITOR - CLOSE. Graphic satellites blink red under the
> flashing message: TARGET LOCK DISABLED. Clock reads: 11:56
>
>535A EXT. SPACE

MIKE: Exterior space?

>
> THRUSTERS quit as the satellites stop turning.
>
>535B INT. OBSERVATORY - TELESCOPE
>
> Batman is struggling up the slope of the telescope towards
> Freeze.
>
>535C Freeze pulls the control level. The telescope begins
> to tilt and spin madly, the ambient condensation creating
> an indoor snowstorm.

TOM: Of course . . .

>
> Batman goes down, hanging from the telescope frame.
>
>536-541 OMITTED
>
>542 EXT. OBSERVATORY
>
> BATGIRL is plummeting towards the city below. Robin is
>543 falling a couple of feet above her. He FIRES a bat tether
> over his head.
>
>544 ROBIN'S GRAPPLE secures in a glacier-like overhang.
>
>545 ROBIN reaches down for Batgirl as Batgirl reaches up
> towards him.
>
>546 OMITTED

CROW: And here is where, somehow, they catch each other.
MIKE: This is the LAZIEST scriptwriter I have ever seen!

>
>547 INT. OBSERVATORY - TELESCOPE
>
> Batman flips himself back up onto the wildly spinning
> telescope, advancing on Freeze and the control console.
>
> BATMAN
> Millions will die so you can save
> on air conditioning. Isn't that
> taking self help a little too far?
>
>548 Freeze draws his pistol.

MIKE: And then draws "Timmy."

>
> FREEZE
> We aim to...
> (fires)
> ...Freeze.
>
> Batman deflects the blast with his suit armor.
>
> FREEZE
> That's new. Let's swing.
>
>549 OMITTED

CROW: Batman's(tm) terribly wrong interpretation of Freeze's(tm)
request, omitted.

>
>550 Freeze smashes the control joystick to the stop, the
> telescope's spin accelerating, swinging towards...
>
>551 THE TWO SCIENTISTS have finally melted, stand drenched
> on the Tower Platform, the massive Telescope now careening
> towards them.
>
> SCIENTIST
> This just isn't my day.

MIKE: We can relate.

>
>551A THE TELESCOPE SMASHES directly into the TOWER PLATFORM.
> The platform begins to topple.
>
>551B ASSOCIATE
> Up, up and away.

MIKE: That's right, keep degrading Superman(tm) . . .

>
>551C As the platform falls CRASHING onto the floor below, the
> two PhDs leap, landing safely on the swinging telescope,
> hanging on to the tensioning bar for dear life.
>
>551D SCIENTIST
> PhDs rule!

TOM: Kiss my grant request, world!

>
>551E FREEZE is thrown by the impact of the telescope hitting
> the tower into the Telescope Platform rail, his gun falling
> to his feet.

CROW: He really ought to get a gun that's easier to hold.

>
>552 OMITTED
>
>553 EXT. OBSERVATORY
>
> Robin's hand is inches from Batgirl's, the city coming up
> fast.

TOM: By now they should be jelly! How tall IS that observatory?

>
>554 INT. OBSERVATORY - TELESCOPE CONTROL PLATFORM
>
> Freeze is scrambling for his gun. Suddenly a figure looms
> above him. Batman.
>
>555 Freeze draws. Batman kicks the gun out of his hand. The
> two begin to fight on the twirling platform. A battle of
> titans.
>
> BATMAN
> You've turned Gotham to ice.
> (a right)

TOM <SCHWARZENEGGER>: Ya.

> You've endangered countless lives.

TOM <SCHWARZENEGGER>: Ya. Thank you.

> (a left)
> It's payback time.

TOM <SCHWARZENEGGER>: Ya. Oh, dat's baaad!

>
>555A Batman KNOCKS Freeze with a mighty punch, hurling him
> onto the back of the telescope. Batman turns towards the
> console, TYPING commands.

MIKE <BATMAN>: Is this the Korn shell, or Solaris?!?!?!

>
>555B MONITOR - CLOSE. TARGETING. Graphic satellites flash
> green. Clock reads: 11:58
>
>555C THE MIRRORS overhead open, beginning to glow with ambient
> sunlight.

CROW: Mirrors overhead?
MIKE: I think the observatory is built like a compact.

>
>555D Freeze SCREAMS at the emerging light, leaping onto
> Batman, sending the caped crusader sprawling onto the
> barrel of the telescope. He advances on the fallen bat.

TOM: I am going to give you SUCH a noogie!

>
>555E Freeze kicks Batman hard in the face, the hero rolling
> down the telescope towards the opening and Gotham beyond.
>
>556 EXT. OBSERVATORY
>
> Robin grabs Batgirl's hand as Batgirl FIRES a batarang
>557 from her wrist. Robin's tether pulls taught, the boy
> wonder holding Batgirl dangling over the city.
>
> ROBIN
> I've got you.

ALL: Babe!
TOM <PAMELA ANDERSON>: Don't call me Babe!

>
>558 ROBIN'S GRAPPLE rips free from the melting ice.
>
>559 BATGIRL'S GRAPPLE hits the metal roof above. Holds firm.
>
>560 ROBIN'S line tears free, Robin falling as Batgirl's
> tether pulls tight, Batgirl now holding Robin
> dangling above Gotham.

CROW: Put your pants on, Robin(tm)!

>
>561 BATGIRL
> No. I've got you.
>
> She pulls him eye level. The two hang suspended, face to
> face.

MIKE: Did you have seafood for lunch?

>
>562 INT. OBSERVATORY
>
> Batman is tumbling towards the open slat and Gotham below.
>
>563/564 OMITTED
>
>575 He slows his fall, stopping on the barrel.

MIKE: We would have shown you how he did that in scenes 563/564.

>
> VOICE (OVER)
> Wow. Batman.
>
> WIDER. The two Scientists are clinging to a targeting groove
> along the body of the barrel.
>
> SCIENTIST
> I've seen you on TV.

MIKE: Can you get me Green Lantern's(tm) autograph?

>
>566 BATMAN - POV. Freeze is heading back to the control
> panel.
>
> BATMAN
> Nice to meet you. Can you give me
> any more height on this thing?
>
>567 The Scientist reaches down to a red EMERGENCY lever.
>
> SCIENTIST
> Going up.

TOM: So the telescope has an "emergency up" lever?

>
>568 He pulls the lever and the telescope tilts straight up,
>569 sending Batman soaring into the air towards the dome
> above.

TOM: Into the ceiling and down a wall, a bloody, pulpy smear!

>
>570 Batman flips in mid air, dives, SMASHING directly into
> Freeze, the villain CRASHING over the edge of the control
> platform and into the freezing engine.
>
>570A OMITTED
>
>571 THE MIRRORS overhead align, the beams of sunlight hitting
> the freezing engine.
>
> Freeze is struck by the rays, the sun penetrating his
> damaged suit.
>
>571A THE TELESCOPE activates, a powerful THAWING BEAM shooting
> from it's giant lens.
>
>572 Batman turns to Freeze, the villain beginning to gray and
> wither.
>
> BATMAN
> You're loosing your cool

TOM <SCHWARZENEGGER>: And my lunch.

>
> FREEZE
> I think not. There'll be no hot
> time in this old town tonight.
> (pulls a remote)
> You'll get a charge out of this.
>
>573 He presses a button. As Freeze rolls out of the sunlight,
> falling towards the floor below, CHARGES around the tele-
> scope base EXPLODE.

MIKE: Oh no, the telescope!
TOM: There goes my favorite character!

>
>574 The TELESCOPE tilts, dropping out of the open slat
> towards Gotham, taking a chunk of observatory floor with
> it.
>
>575 EXT. OBSERVATORY
>
> Robin and Batgirl are just pulling themselves onto an ice
> ledge beneath the dome slat as the giant telescope carrying
> Batman and the two Scientists plummets over them towards the
> city below.
>
>575A ROBIN
> Now that's what I call an exit.

CROW: Ha. Friend dying. Robin(tm) joking.

>
> BATGIRL
> (looking past Robin)
> Please tell me he's on our side.
>
> A figure steps out from behind the ice. BANE

TOM: Steroid-Santo? Probably not on your side.

>
>575B Robin coils, leaps into a spinning roundhouse, but Bane
> KNOCKS him away, the boy wonder flying hard into the snow.
>
> The monster begins advancing on Batgirl.
>
>576/577 OMITTED

CROW: Batgirl's(tm) patented zimmel-fu omitted.

>
>578 EXT. TELESCOPE - FALLING
>
> Batman slides down the telescope towards the two Scientists,
>579 simultaneously FIRING a double ended bat-tether, two
> grapples SHOOTING horizontally into the air.

MIKE: Does he ever run out of those things?
CROW: I hope.

>
>580 EXT. OBSERVATORY
>
> BATGRAPPLES - CLOSE. Sink into the arms of the giant
> sculpture holding up the Observatory just as the telescope
> plummets past.
>
>580A EXT. OBSERVATORY - ICE LEDGE
>
> Robin shakes off the blow, looks up to see Batgirl fending
> off Bane with a fast series of punches and kicks. She might
> as well be hitting steel.

TOM: . . . played by Shaquille O'Neil.

>
>580B ROBIN
> (to Robin)
> Don't worry. I've got him.
>
> Just then Bane SLAMS her into an ice wall by the throat, rears
> back with his fist, about to deliver the killing blow.
>
> ROBIN
> No. I've got him.

TOM: I think he's got YOU two.

>
>580C Robin leaps, ripping off the tubes leading from Bane's
> injector pack to his skull, venom spraying wildly into the
> air.

CROW: Eeew! Bane-stain!

>
>580D Bane hits the snow, writing, as the venom effect is
> reversed. His muscles shrink, his form diminishing until
> he is again a scrawny prisoner, struggling in the folds of
> his costume.
>
>580E ROBIN
> You should get that suit taken in.
> No one's buying baggy anymore.

MIKE: Plug the tubes back in, Dick. PLEASE>

>
>581 EXT. TELESCOPE - FALLING
>
> The ground is rushing up below them.

TOM: No, that's relativity. Technically, they are really rushing
up to the ground!

>
> BATMAN
> Grab my belt and hang on.
>
> The Scientists each grab one side of Batman's utility belt.
>
>582 THE CABLE pulls taught, slowing Batman's fall, the
> telescope dropping from under them as the cable bends like
> a bow, Batman and the Scientists sinking at its center.
>
>583 The cable reaches its nadir over an outcropping of rock
> on the cliff. Below the telescope EXPLODES into the frozen
> river.
>
> BATMAN
> This is your stop.
>
>584 Batman pushes the Scientists onto the ledge, the reduced
> weight SHOOTING the cable taught, ROCKETING Batman up
> towards the dome like an arrow.

MIKE: And then over it!

>
>585 INT. OBSERVATORY
>
> Batman flips in through the telescope slat, followed
> immediately by Batgirl and Robin, all landing together on
> the observatory floor.
>
> ROBIN
> Winded, old timer?

MIKE: Snotty, young timer?

>
> BATMAN
> Don't make me kill you in front
> of the girl.

TOM <BATGIRL>: Oh, I don't mind.

>
> BATGIRL
> It's midnight.

MIKE: Should we let it all hang out?

> The telescope's gone.
> There's no way to thaw the city.
>
> BATMAN
> Theoretically, the satellites could
> be positioned to thaw the city
> directly. But it would take a
> computer genius.
>
> ROBIN
> I'm on it.

MIKE: Didn't hear him that clear, did you Dick?

>
> Robin clears the rubble from a fallen console, begins to type.
> Nothing. The equipment is dead.

TOM: They invoke the spirit of Babbage to give it last rights.

>
> BATGIRL
> (shouldering him aside)
> No. I'm on it.
>
> She quick patches a couple of broken wires, the console
> lighting up, WHIRRING to life. Begins hacking.
>
> BATGIRL
> Ms. Genius. Madame Genius. her
> Geniusness. Which sounds better?

MIKE: How about annoying snot?

>
>586 EXT. EARTH - VIEW FROM SPACE
>
> The giant orbital satellites finally align. A full disk of
> the sun appears in the mirror, beamed from one to the next
> and then the next, the beam cutting downward towards.
>
>587 EXT. GOTHAM SKYLINE
>
> The giant rays of focused sunlight begin warming the city.
>
>588/589 OMITTED

MIKE: A believable scientific explanation for this apparent
moronic display, OMITTED.

>
>590 NEXT. OBSERVATORY - NIGHT
>
> Rays of light hit the Observatory, melting the ice covered
> stone.
>
>591 INT. OBSERVATORY FLOOR
>
> Batman walks over to Freeze who lies amidst the rubble, weak
> and gray with the growing heat, straining to BREATHE.
>
> FREEZE
> Go on, kill me too. Just as you
> killed my wife.

TOM: Why thanks! Don't mind if I do!

>
> BATMAN
> I didn't kill your wife.
>
> Batman presses a button on his utility belt.
>
> BATMAN
> Run Ivy evidence tape 001.40.
>
>592 BATMAN'S GAUNTLET - CLOSE. A tiny monitor shows an image
> of Poison Ivy.
>
> IVY (OVER)
> As I told Lady Freeze when I pulled
> her plug, this is a one woman show.

MIKE: So Batman(tm) had an entire camera setup when he was
watching Robin(tm) suck face with the sunflower?

>
> FREEZE SCREAMS his rage. His face streams with frozen
> tears, like tiny diamonds.
>
> BATMAN
> But she's not dead, Victor. We found
> her, restored her icy slumber.

TOM: Those scenes, of course, were OMITTED.

>
>593 BATMAN'S GAUNTLET MONITOR shows Mrs. Fries restored in
> cryogenic slumber.
>
> BATMAN
> She's still frozen, Victor, alive,
> waiting for you to find a cure. I
> know what it's like to lose
> everything you've ever loved. But
> vengeance isn't power. Any two-bit
> thug with a gun can take a life. To
> give life, that's true power, a
> power you once had. I don't know
> if you'll ever find a cure for your
> wife. But I'm asking you now, Doctor
> Victor Fries, to save another life.
> Show me how to cure McGregor's
> Syndrome Stage One. And maybe you
> can also save the man your wife
> once loved. He's still inside you,
> buried somewhere deep beneath the
> snow. Will you help me? Doctor?

MIKE: After a line like that Freeze(tm) is asleep!

>
> Freeze stares at Batman. Finally he unseals his
> chestplate, removes two glowing power orbs, holds them
> out, his smile, bittersweet.

TOM: It's a Guyver unit!

>
> FREEZE
> Take two of these and call me in
> the morning.

CROW: Let's hope that's the last one-liner.

>
>594 INT. WAYNE MANOR - ALFRED'S QUARTERS - NIGHT
>
> Robin and Batgirl watch as Batman attaches the modified
> power sources from Freeze's suit to Alfred's life-support.
>
> BATMAN
> All we can do now is wait.
> (takes Alfred's hand)
> And hope.

TOM <LORIEN>: Because sometimes hope is all we have.
MIKE: Would you stop that . . .

>
>594A EXT. ARKHAM ASYLUM - NIGHT
>
> The prison is secure once again.

CROW: It received counseling.

>
>594B INT. ARKHAM ASYLUM CELL - NIGHT
>
> Ivy sits in the barred moonlight, staring out the window,
> holding a small flower in her hand, pulling the petals
> out one by one.
>
> IVY
> He loves me. He loves me not.
> He loves me. he loves me...
>
> VOICE(OVER)
> Not.
>
> A figure stands cloaked in shadows. He steps forward.
> Mr. Freeze.
>
> FREEZE
> (off his suit)

CROW: Aigh! Put it back on!

> It's amazing what you can buy around
> here for a few dozen diamonds.
>
> Freeze begins coming towards her, menacingly.

MIKE: Schwarzenegger could be wearing a Little Lord Fauntleroy suit
and he'd still be menacing!

>
> FREEZE
> Prepare for a bitter harvest.
> Winter has come at last.
>
>595 EXT. WAYNE MANOR - DAWN
>
> Morning breaks on the great old building.

TOM: As does wind.

>
>596 A PILE OF PIZZA BOXES - CLOSE
>
> PULL BACK TO REVEAL
>
>597 INT. WAYNE MANOR - LIVING ROOM - DAWN
>
> World War III was lost in this room. Strewn clothes.
> Barbara dozes on the couch. Dick paces. Bruce stands,
> staring out the window, afraid he has lost Alfred forever.
>
> (OVER) a THROAT CLEARS. LOUDER.
>
> All look up. Alfred is descending the stairs. Scowling.

TOM <FEMMININE>: I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Kane.

>
> BRUCE
> Alfred, are you...?

CROW: No, I'm dead you twit!

>
> ALFRED
> Rather disappointed at how poorly
> I taught you proper housekeeping.
> (a beat)
> And quite well, it seems. Thanks
> to you, son. Thanks to you all.
>
> The three move to him. A family reunion. Dick turns to
> Bruce.

CROW: For so much . . .

>
> DICK
> One question. When Batgirl and I
> rolled off the telescope, how
> come you didn't try and save us?
> It was the first time I fell and
> you weren't there to catch me.

MIKE: Because I resent you, you Gen-X snot.

>
> BRUCE
> I know you could handle it.
>
> Barbara CLEARS her throat. Dick shoots her a look.
>
> BRUCE
> Sometimes counting on someone else
> is the only way to win.
>
> BARBARA
> Hey, I'm the one who kicked Ivy's
> botanical butt. Personally. Me. I did.

CROW: Geez, it's John Galt in leather tights . . .

>
> BRUCE
> You are going back to school.
>
> DICK
> You're never going to win this
> argument, Bruce.
>
> Barbara extends her hand.
>
> BARBARA
> Partners?
>
> A beat. The other heroes follow suit. A team is born.

TOM: By everyone extending their hands?

>
> BRUCE & DICK
> Partners.

TOM: Do you, Bruce and Dick, take each other to have and to hold,
with Batgirl(tm), in Mental Sickness and Mental Health, against the
Penguin(tm) or the Joker(tm) . . .
CROW <BATGIRL>: Yes, let's make lots more bad movies together!

>
> ALFRED
> We're going to need a bigger cave.
>
>598/599 OMITTED
>
>600 EXT. BATSIGNAL - NIGHT
>
> Three costumed avengers race into the night.
>
> FINAL FADE TO BLACK
>
>
>
> THE END

MIKE <STANDING>: Yes! We've done it!
TOM: It's about the gear, folks! It's about the gear!

[THEY EXIT TRUMPHANTLY]

[SOL BRIDGE. THREE LARGE CONTAINERS MARKED 'NANITE(tm) PORTABLE
SHOWERS' HAVE SOUNDS OF WATER FLOW COMING FROM THEM]

MIKE <CENTER CONTAINER>: You guys feel clean yet?

CROW <LEFT CONTAINER>: No, I need to scrub myself with lye a bit
more.

TOM <RIGHT CONTAINER>: I'm almost there Mike. I found thinking
about John Byrne and Grant Morrison helps.

[THE SOUNDS FROM MIKE'S CONTAINER STOP. HE STEPS OUT, WRAPPED IN A
TOWEL. ENJOY, FOLKS]

MIKE: I think I scrubbed the script off. Whew!

[CROW AND TOM EMERGE FROM THEIR CYLENDARS, ALSO WEARING TOWELS]

TOM: Did that stink or what?

CROW: Like a dead woodchuck Tommy.

MIKE: I'm glad I didn't SEE the film.

TOM: At least we're away from Pearl, Bobo, and Observer.

CROW: Yeah, the Witch, the Ape, and Casper the Unfriendly Host!

TOM: Yeah, Blondie, Furry, and Whitey . . .

MIKE: Yeah . . .

[LIGHTS FLASH]

MIKE: Uh-oh. We've got . . .

[PEARL'S SPACECRAFT. NEITHER SHE, BOBO, NOR OBSERVER LOOK HAPPY]

PEARL: My ears are burning Nelstone.

BOBO: Oh, then let me put them out, Lawgiver . . .

PEARL: Touch me and you're a carpet, Bobo.

BOBO: OK.

OBSERVER: Pearl, please, you were about to threaten Mike and his
cohorts?

PEARL: Thanks. Well, Mike, you thought you escaped, you thought
you'd gotten away . . .

[SOL]

MIKE: Well, yeah.

[PEARL'S SPACECRAFT]

PEARL: Well, guess what I found here in the Phantom Zone(tm),
Nelsonide. A few fellow travellers who were busy fighting among
themselves gave it to me.

[PEARL LIFTS A SCRIPT]

PEARL: Get ready for something stinky, Mike. <LAUGHS MANIACALLY>
SUPERMAN REBORN!!!!!

<CLOSING CREDITS>
<TO BE CONTINUED WHEN OUR HEROES MISTY "SUPERMAN REBORN"!>

> IVY
> Not good.

\ | /
\|/
--- o ---
/|\
/ | \

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BADGER
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Badger's Den - http://www.infinet.com/~badger
Links, Babylon 5 Art, and general rambling.

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