REPOST: MiSTing "The Odyssey" (pt.3)
Tjats
All MST3K-related characters are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc.
---------------
Mike, Servo, Crow, Gypsy, and Cambot enter the theater. We are viewing this
portion of the episode through Rocket Number Nine, which was dragged inside the
satelite and into the theater so Cambot could riff this portion)
>The Cyclops
>
>In the next land we found were Cyclopes,
Mike: Huh? Wouldn't it be easier to say Cyclopses?
Crow: Or cyclopseseses?
Gypsy: How about Cyclops?
Mike, Crow, Servo: Huh?
>giants, louts, without a law to bless them.
>In ignorance leaving the fruitage of the earth in mystery
Mike: I think I forgot to bring a universal translator in here with us.
>to the immortal gods, they neither plow
>nor sow by hand, nor till the ground,
Servo: Till the ground what? What did the ground do? WHAT?!?
Mike: Calm down, Servo.
>though grain-
>wild wheat and barley-grows untnded, and
Cambot: Why all the comas and hyphens?
>wine grapes, in clusters, ripen in heaven's rains.
>Cyclopes have no muster and no meeting,
>no consoltation or old tribal ways,
Mike: So they don't have jobs and they aren't Indians?
Servo: Please, Mike, *Native Americans*.
Mike: Sorry.
>but each one dwells in his own mountain cave
>dealing out rough justice to wife and child,
Servo[Southern accent]: Go fetch me my whoopin' stick!
>indifferent to what the others do....
Cambot: I hate to be picky, but don't you usualy only put three dots after
things like that?
Servo: Hey, It's a Fitzgerald translation.
>As we rowed on, and nearer to the mainland,
>at one end of the bay, we saw a cavern
>yawning
Servo[as cavern]: Oh, boy, am I tired.
>above the water, screened with laurel,
>and many rams and goats avout the place
Gypsy[Elmyra voice]: Ooohhh! Aminals!
>inside a sheepfoldfrom slabs of stone
>earthfast between tall trunks of pine and rugged
>towering oak trees.
>A prodigious man slept in this cave alone, and took his flocks
>to graze afield-
Crow: Oops, typo. It's supposed to be "on a field".
>remote from all companions,
Mike: Then, don't the sheep get kinda lonely?
>knowing none but savage ways, a brute
>so huge, he seemed no man at all
Cambot: But, he *isn't* a man! He's a Cyclops!
>of those
>who eat god wheaten bread; but he seemed rather
>a shaggy mountain reared in solitude.
>We beached there, and I told the crew
Servo: to look out for icebergs.
>to stand by and keep watch over the ship;
>as for myself I took my twelve
Mike: disciples.
>best fighters
>and went ahead. I had a goatskin full
>of that sweet liquor that Euanthes' son,
>Maron, had given me. He kept Apollo's
>holy grove at Ismarus; for kindness
>we showed him there, and showed his wife and child,
>he gave me seven shining
Servo: pennies and told me to take a hike.
>golden talents
Mike: Cambot, what does he mean?
Cambot buzzes for a second and displays a definition on the screen.
Cbot1:>talents: Units of money in ancient Greece.
Gypsy, Servo, Mike, Crow: Ooooooooh.
>perfectly formed, a solid silver winebowl,
>and then this liguor-
Servo: Which I rapidly drank.
>twelve two-handled jars
>of brandy, pure and fiery. Not a slave
>in Mhouseold knew this drink; only
>he, his wife and the storeroom mistress knew;
Crow: Doesn't a storeroom mistress pass as a slave?
>and they would put one cupful-ruby-colored,
>honey-smooth--in twenty more of water,
>but still the sweet scent hovered like a fume
>over the winebowl.
Mike: Oops, Fitzgerald is accidentaly translating an old Greek cookbook.
>No man turned away
>when cups of this came round.
>
>A wineskin full I brought along, and victuals in a bag,
>for in my bones I knew some towering brute
>would be upon us soon-all outward power,
>a wild man, ignorant of civility.
>
Gypsy: Why all the pauses?
Servo: Ol' Robert probably had to go to the bathroom while he was writing
this.
>We climbed, then, briskly to the cave. But Cyclops
>had gone afield,
Crow: Robby made another goof. "to a field". Come on, get with it!
>to pasture his fat sheep,
>so we looked round at everything inside:
>a drying rack that sagged with cheeses, pens
>crowded with
Mike: ink.
>lambs and kids,
Cambot: He put his children in there!
>each in its class:
>firstlings
Mike: in first grade, secondlings...
>apart from middlings, and the 'dewdrops,'
>or newborn lambkins, penned apart from both.
>And vessels full of whey were brimming there-
Servo: Hey! He stuffed the starship Enterprise full of grains!
Mike: They deserve it.
Servo: No they don't.
Mike: Who were you talking about?
Servo: Picard and crew.
Mike: Oh. I ment Kirk.
Crow: Really? Well, I just so happen to find Kirk's ship to be the best,
Mike!
>bowls of earthenware
Cambot: Mother Earth is trying to outsell China in dinner plates.
Crow: So, you're saying Kirk sucks? Huh?
Mike: No, I'm not, and stop using foul language.
>and pails fof milking.
>My men came pressing round me, pleading:
Crow: Comeon! You want a piece of me? Huh?
Crow starts hitting Mike.
>'Why not take these cheeses, get them stowed, come back,
>throw open all the pens, and make a run for it?
Servo[as Odysseus]: Yeah! Let's do that!
Mike: Ow! Stop!
Crow: C'mere!
>We'll drive the kids
Cambot: to school.
Mike: Crow, cut it out!
Mike throws Crow off his seat.
>and lambs aboard. We say
>put out again on good salt water!'
By now the othe bots aren't paying attention to the epic and are looking at
Mike and Crow fighting.
>Ah, how sound that was! Yet I refused. I wished
>to see the cave man, what he had to offer-
>no pretty sight, it turned out, for my friends.
Crow jumps on top of Mike and Mike starts whining.
Mike: Ow, ow, ow! Get off!
>We lit a fire, burnt an offering,
>and took some cheese to eat; then sat in silence
>around the embers, waiting. When he came
>he had a load
Servo[focusing his attention back at The Odyssey]: Oh, great. LeFarge is with
him!
>of dry boughs on his shoulder
>to stroke his fire at suppertime. He dumped it
>with a great crash into that hollow cave,
>and we all scattered fast to the far wall.
>Then over the broad cavern floor he ushered
>the ewes he meant to milk.
Mike drags Crow out of the theater. Gypsy, Cambot, and Servo focus back on The
Odyssey.
>He left his rams
>and he-goats
Servo[heroish]: I am the mighty He-Goat!
>in the yard outside, and swung
>high overhead a slab of solid rock
>to close the cave.
Servo: Oh, no. It's the Eegah predicament.
>Two dozzen four-wheeled wagons,
Gypsy: or sport utility vehicles.
>with heaving wagon teams, could not have stirred
>the tonnage of that rock from where he wedged it
>over the doorsill.
Cambot: I found that out later, while talking to him.
>Next he took his seat
>milked his bleating ewes.
Servo: So, when's he gonna notice the fire burning with all the little people
around it?
>A practiced job
>he mad of it, giving each ewe her suckling;
>thickened his milk, then, into curds and whey,
Gypsy: Now Robb's translating Mother Goose rhymes!
>sieved out the curds to dip in whithy baskets,
>and poured the whey to stand in bowls
>coolng untill he drank it for his supper.
>When all these chores were done, he poked the fire,
>heaping on brushwood. In the glare he saw us.
Cambot: So, he couldn't see them in clear sight, but make him look through a
glaring fire, and be's got the senses of a cat?!?
(commercial)
-----------------------
Questions? Concerns? Comments? Complaints?
e-mail Tj...@aol.com
Jim, the Mistie, Trekker, X-Phile, comic freak(take your pick)
"Watch out for snakes!"
</PRE></HTML>