[MiSTing] "Problems with Pokemon"
Tjats
Turn down your lights...(to lower your electric bill.)
In the not-too-distant future,
January of '99,
Pearl Forrester has kept Mike in pain,
And has done it for quite some time.
But now with the castle all blown up
Her ghostly ancestors have seen enough.
They saw that Pearl's plans were too diverse
So they sent her packing for the edges of the universe!
(PEARL: I'll be back!)
"I'll send Mike cheesy stories,
The worst ever made. (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all
So that my destiny can be saved." (lalala)
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Which fanfic she'll send him next. (lalala)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends.
ROBOT ROLL CALL
CAMBOT ("Hit it!")
GYPSY ("Oh, my!")
TOM SERVO ("Find my eyes, I dare 'ya!")
CROOOOOOOW! ("You know you want me, baby!")
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts, (lalala)
Repeat to yourself "It's Hypertime",
And then you can relax!
for Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000!
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL] Gypsy is on the bridge.
GYPSY: Um...hello. Mike and the others are outside playing in the
yard. I'm holding down the ship in here.
[pause]
That's about it.
[pause]
I apologise to all of you who expected some sort of hillarious
skit for the opening segment.
MAGIC VOICE: Commercial sign now.
*commercial sign*
GYPSY: Goodbye.
[Commercials. THIS IS SCI-FI]
[SOL] Gypsy continues to stare at Cambot. Soon Mike and the 'Bots
enter from right dressed in badminton apparel.
GYPSY: How was your match?
MIKE: We had a good volley going, but then Crow hit the birdie too
hard and it rocketed off into the endless depths of the universe.
SERVO: Yeah, nice going, Crow.
CROW: Well how was I supposed to know there was no friction in space?
*Mads' sign*
GYPSY: Save it, gang. Mrs. F is calling from the Widowmaker.
[VAN] Bobo is driving. Observer is in the passenger seat and Pearl
is asleep in the back. On the top of the van is a large white sign
saying "Student Driver."
OBSERVER: No, you obsolete load of cromagnom! Go left! Left! Oh,
hello, Mike. I'm just instructing Bobo on how to drive the Widowmaker
in the event that Pearl is unable to do so.
[SOL]
MIKE: Well, how come you can't do it?
[VAN]
OBSERVER: How many times to I have to tell you lunkheads that I am
a *brain*!!?? Anyway, Pearl requested that we send you the hoplessly
insaciable and bias novel "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn." I hope
your experience is as frightening as mine. No, Bobo, left! Left!!!
[crash]
[SOL]
SERVO: Ouch.
*movie sign*
MIKE: Uh, oh, it's illiterate siiiign!
6...5...4...3...2...1...
[Mike and the 'Bots enter the theater]
>NOTICE
> Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be
>prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be
>banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.
> By order of the Author, Per G. G., Chief of Ordinance
MIKE: Woah.
CROW: Huh.
SERVO: I guess that excuses us from the novel, then.
MIKE: Yeah.
CROW: Let's get out of here.
[Mike and the 'Bots leave the theater]
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL]
MIKE: That sure was a great story, wasn't it?
CROW: The smoothest ride yet.
SERVO: Let's see how the 'Mads are doin'.
[Endor Forrest Moon] Observer is hacking his way through the bushes.
Behind him the Widowmaker is slammed into a tree.
OBSERVER: Look what that bobo Bobo did! He made us crash onto the
Forrest Moon of Endor! And just in time for the prequel! Where
is that lunkhead, anyway?
BOBO[above]: I'm up here, Brain Guy!
OBSERVER: Bobo, get down from there!
BOBO: Roger! Aaaaaaa!!! [crashes into shrubery]
OBSERVER: And if you're wondering how Pearl's doing, she hit her head
on an arm rest and we need to get her to a hospital. Do you know
of any around here?
[SOL]
MIKE: Nope, sorry.
CROW: Hold that thought, Mike! [exits]
[Endor]
OBSERVER: Well, how am I supposed to find anybody on this god-forsaken
planet?
[Ewoks suddenly surround them.]
OBSERVER: Oh boy.
[SOL] A tv is on the counter playing "Return of the Jedi: The Special
Edition."
CROW: Checking...here's the speeder bike chase...nope, I don't see
a hospital.
MIKE: That's fine, Crow. Look, they were just greeted by Ewoks.
SERVO: I love those adorable little critters.
[Endor] Observer is getting tied to a stick by Ewoks.
OBSERVER: By the way, Nelson. Pearl left behind another fanfic in
case you finished early, which you did. I give you "Problems with
Pokemon," an...interesting...little Pokemon/Star Trek crossover.
[SOL] *commercial sign*
MIKE: Great! Just when we thought we were getting a day off!
SERVO: We'll be right back.
CROW: Here's a hospital...oh, wait. That's just a tree. Never mind.
[commercials. "I want pants that talk. Sci-Fi me."]
[Mike and the 'Bots enter the theater]
>Disclaimer: Pokemon is a trademark of Nintendo, Inc.
>
>Star Trek is a trademark of Paramount, Inc. (I think.)
>
SERVO: Yes.
>The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy belongs to Douglas Adams.
MIKE: Now they're bringing in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!
What for?
SERVO: Forty-two!
CROW: Tapioka pudding!
SERVO: Forty-two!
CROW: Tapioka pudding!
SERVO: Forty-TWO!
CROW: Tapioka PUDDING!!!
MIKE: STOP!
>
>This is not for profit, just for fun. If anyone finds any
>inconsistencies in this story, it's not my problem.
>
SERVO: So now the fanfic's abandoned. Great.
>
>
>
>
>The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about Pokemon,
CROW: They taste great when sauted in a spicy onion sauce...
>among other things:
>
>It's an important but very little-known fact that if an electric
>Pokemon and a psychic Pokemon
SERVO: Uh, huh.
>use Thundershock and Teleport on each
>other at the same time, it will teleport both Pokemon very far away,
MIKE: Yeah.
>and if there is anything in between them, it will also be transported.
CROW: Right.
>This is because the Thundershock lends power to the Teleport, and
>turns the area around the Pokemon into a temporary "Star Trek"
>transporter.
CROW: Really? With working knobs and everything?
MIKE: I think it means a transporter *beam*.
CROW: Oh.
>Occasionally, it teleports the Pokemon into an entirely different
>universe.
SERVO: Now that we've exhausted our technobable, let's go on with
the story.
>
>
>
>Jigglypuff used Confuse Ray on Pikachu!
CROW: Continued from last week, aparently.
>Pikachu dodged it just in time. Frustrated, the Jigglypuff used
>Teleport just as Pikachu used Thundershock.
MIKE: Waitaminute. Isn't Jigglypuff that Pokemon that sings people
to sleep?
>
>Jigglypuff, thinking Teleport hadn't worked, used Sing.
MIKE: Oh.
>Instantly, everybody near the place both Pokemon had landed fell
>asleep. It didn't affect Pikachu, who hadn't come through yet.
SERVO: ...rather conveniently.
>
>Way in the future on the Starship Enterprise, everybody was sleeping
>because of Jigglypuff. The ship was on autopilot. Nobody was about
>to get up to fix the transporter, which had just gone haywire and
>teleported two Pokemon on board the Enterprise.
CROW: So not only does it teleport far away, it also teleports through
time and space. Why didn't you tell us that earlier?
>
>Jigglypuff looked around in surprise. "Jiggly."
MIKE: I don't care if he's supposed to say that. It's just too funny.
>
>Pikachu jumped. "Pika! Chu!"
SERVO: Weird sneeze.
>
>They were in a very strange place. There were odd machines all
>around, and an aura of electricity filled the air. Jigglypuff
>couldn't feel it, but Pikachu could.
CROW: That's probably becuase Jigglypuff wasn't a fag!
MIKE: CROW!
>Pikachu took some electricity and stored it in its cheek pouches
>for later.
SERVO: But aren't Pokemon completely lost without their masters?
>
>As Pikachu took some electricity, a power surge went over the ship.
>The lights dimmed and the engines slowed down. The window screens
>went black for a few seconds.
MIKE: Then it wouldn't classify as a power SUUUURGE!
>
>Jigglypuff wandered over to the holodeck and turned it on.
CROW: Ah...Pokemon have the keen ability to operate futuristic
equipment.
>An image flashed at random. The image happened to be one of Team
>Rocket. "Jigglypuff!" squealed Jigglypuff. It ran back to the bridge.
SERVO: Let me get this straight...Team Rocket...
MIKE: Uh-huh.
SERVO: ...in the Enterprise holodeck...
CROW: Yeah.
SERVO: ...in another universe.
MIKE: Confused?
SERVO: Oh, wait...I'm supposed to be.
>
>"Pika chu?" asked Pikachu. (What happened?)
CROW: Hey, they never used subtitles in the show!
MIKE: Yeah, they did. Remember that one episode?
SERVO: Mike, we don't want to hear about your fantasies, all right?
MIKE: Sorry.
>
>"Jiggly! Puff!" squealed Jigglypuff. (Team Rocket!)
>
>"Pika" Pikachu thought. "Chu?" (Where?)
>
>"Jiggly! Jigglypuff," explained Jigglypuff. (Come, I'll show you.)
>It dragged Pikachu to the holodeck and turned it on. This time, it
>was an image of three firemen.
CROW: Why?
>
>"Pika!" squealed Pikachu, jumping about a foot in the air.
SERVO: No! Firemen! AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGG!!!
>
>Jigglypuff laughed. "Puff Jigglypuff!" (It's just a picture!)
MIKE: Then why was Jigglypuff scared in the first place?!?
SERVO: This fanfic's making us ask more questions than any of the
others!
CROW: Except for "Sonic Fights Robotnik 6."
SERVO: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
MIKE: I told you never to bring that up again!
CROW: Sorry.
>Pikachu reached over to turn it off.
>
>They wandered back to the bridge. Pikachu looked at the buttons,
>levers, and screens. "Pika."
SERVO: "...card any card!" Hah, ha!
MIKE: Please.
>
>Jigglypuff started fiddling with the teleporter. The teleporter
>suddenly hummed to life and teleported a pile of books onto the
>ship.
MIKE: For no exact reason.
>They fell over with a crash.
>
>"PIKA!" screamed Pikachu. It let loose with a Thundershock that a
>Graveler would have felt.
CROW: Pikachu was spooked by a bunch of books.
MIKE: I would understand if they were by David Gonterman.
>The lightning bolts from the Thundershock
>reached toward the engine and hit it with a sizzle. Pikachu had
>fried the warp drive.
SERVO: Yeah, and remember when Pinky and the Brain stole the
Enterprise's viewscreen?
>
>The ship spun erratically off course. It created a spacetime rift
>and fell through it to the planet Earth, circa 1999. With 200 yards
>to go before it hit the ground, Jigglypuff used Teleport again. The
>ship vanished into the margin between universes and ended up on the
>world both Pokemon had just come from.
CROW: So the barriers between times and spaces are crashing all over?
>
>The ship landed on a huge, sharp rock, which tore a hole in the
>ship's wall.
MIKE: No, it's Star Trek: Generations all over again!
'BOTS: Aaaaaggh!
>Pikachu and Jigglypuff ran out through the hole to find Ash, leaving
>the crew of the Enterprise, who were just waking up, to deal with
>the Pokemon that had decided to investigate this strange new thing.
SERVO: Shouldn't the crew be more concerned as to what happened to
their ship?
>
>When the crew woke up, there was a Snorlax playing with the warp
>drive. An Ekans was coiled around several of the levers, and a Jynx
>was experimenting with the holodeck. There were Pokemon all over
>the place.
CROW: It's Pokepalooza!
>
>I won't tell you how they got all the Pokemon out (it had to do
>with the fact that there were a lot of Pokemon trainers around with
>a lot of Pokeballs they needed to fill)
ALL[faking]: Uh...ha-ha, ha...
>or how they got off the planet and back into Star Trek (I have no
>idea how they did that).
SERVO: But you're the author!
>But I will tell you this: two days after they got back, they found
>a nest of Rattattas in the cargo bay.
CROW: Great.
>
>
>
>The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy says this about Rattatta:
MIKE: Their eggs are scrumptious if boiled sunny-side up and served
with a side of baccon.
>
>Rattatta are a species of Pokemon.
SERVO: Really? Well, I sure am glad I looked it up in the
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, then.
>They look like vicious rats, hence the name. They are found almost
>anywhere, and their only moves are
>
>Growl,
MIKE: But is that really a move?
>Tackle, Bite, and Tail Whip.
SERVO: Hey, I'd like one to use tail whip on me some time.
MIKE: Oh, Servo.
>Their evolution is Raticate. They reproduce almost as fast as
>Tribbles.
CROW: Which, ironically, are not at all Pokemon.
[All exit]
1...2...3...4...5...6...
[SOL] Servo and Crow are fighting with their stuffed animals.
SERVO: Quickly, Sleep and Glow Plush Mickey! Glow!
[Servo pushes Mickey's stomach and his face glows.]
CROW: No! Alright, Pro Wrestler Steve Austin, tackle attack!
[Crow thrusts toy at Mickey]
STEVE AUSTIN: OW! You've got my leg!
[Mike enters]
MIKE: I see somebody's having fun with their stuffed animals.
SERVO: Please, Mike; "plush figurines."
MIKE: Whatever.
*Mads' sign*
MIKE: Hey, what's up down there, Observer?
[Endor] Observer is inside a hut standing in front of a crowd of
Ewoks. He is narrating and making weird noises (a-la Return of the
Jedi)
OBSERVER: And then George Lucas [canned Lucas voice: "Hi. I'm
George Lucas."]
[The Ewoks are impressed.]
OBSERVER: ...made Star Wars. [canned Star Wars intro] With Mark
Hammil and Carrie Fisher.
EWOKS: Ooooh...
OBSERVER: And Harrison Ford. [canned Indiana Jones theme]
EWOKS: Ahhhh...
[Observer turns and gives the thumbs-up to Bobo, hiding behind a fold
in the tent with a tape recorder.]
OBSERVER: Plus, James Earl Jones. [canned Jones: "Bell Atlantic
Mobil. Mobil. Mobil. Mobil."]
[Observer turns to Bobo, who has his finger caught in the tape.
The track continues to skip.]
JONES: Mobil. Mobil. Mobil.
EWOKS: ????...!!!!...RRRRRRRRRRRR...
[Ewoks attack Observer and Bobo]
OBSERVER: Ow, ow, my brain!
[fade out]
JONES: Mobil. Mobil. Mobil. [this continues until the end]
[Mighty Science Theater]
written by: Jim Whaley
notice by: Mark Twain
"Problems with Pokemon" written by: Veronica Richards
featuring:
Mike Nelson: Michael J. Nelson
Crow: Bill Corbett
Tom Servo: Kevin Murphy
Gypsy: Patrick Brantseg
Magic Voice: Beez McKeever
also featuring:
Pearl Forrester: Mary Jo Pehl
Observer: Bill Corbett
Professor Bobo: Kevin Murphy
bad impersonations of:
Steve Austin: Kevin Murphy
George Lucas: Michael J. Nelson
and James Earl Jones as himself
All MST3K characters and situations are trademarks of Best Brains, Inc.
All Star Wars characters and situations are trademarks of Lucasfilm Ltd.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only;
no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains,
Inc.
or Lucasfilm, Ltd. is intended or should be inferred.
No insults are intended to anyone refered to in this MiSTing.
Any alteration or reproduction of this MiSTing without permission is seen as a
direct violation of material and is not allowed.
based upon MST3K created by Joel Hodgson
special thanks to:
Best Brains, Inc.
George Lucas
Samuel Clemens
Veronica Richards
all you people who love to laugh
e-mail tj...@aol.com for comments, etc.
c1999 by Jim Whaley
>The teleporter suddenly hummed to life and teleported a pile of
>books onto the ship.
This has been a Mystery Usenet Theater 3000 production
-----------------
recent episodes of Science Fiction Theater 1,000,000,000:
301: The Neelix Claus part 3: The Starship Captain that Neelix Claus Forgot
302: For Whom the Gavel Pounds
303: Attention All Heavy Hitters
304: Star Speck: Toad of Honor
305: Problems with Pokemon
All can be found easily on Web Site Number Nine,
located at http://pinky.wtower.com/mst3k
or go to my web site,
http://members.aol.com/tjats/tjats.html
Jim, that Mistie
#90212
http://members.aol.com/tjats/tjats.html
"You son of a!" -any given character in "Final Justice"
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My next MiSTing: ep. 306-"The Knothole Murders"
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***6 episodes left.***