[MISTING] "The Force" (part 1 of 2)
zhir...@my-deja.com
A group MSTing.
MiSTed by Team SWIS (www.swstory.com):
O.P. (editor- zhi...@usa.net)
Jedi Cassandra
J. Provine
A.F Lee
Griffin Bryant
Mulder the Hutt
Boba Foot
We'll do host segments next time if you're good.
> The Force
> By Kevin Mak
>
> Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and
> owned by Lucasfilm, Ltd. No money is being made and no infringement is
> intended.
>
MIKE: Translation- please don't sue me, George!
>
> WITHIN THE LOWER PARTS
>
CROW: [suddenly interested] Huh?
>
> OF CORELLIA,
>
CROW: [disappointed] Aww...
MIKE: It's way too early for that.
>
> junk and rats lay around the area.
>
TOM: Oh. You mean Disney Land.
>
> The sun has set and another day passes by. As the bloody red moon begins
> to rise, the night cantinas reopen for business. I had completed my day's
> work: pickpocketing and gambling.
>
MIKE: Ah, so he works for the federal government.
>
> It isn't paradise but it makes ends-meet. My parents orphaned me when I
> was young and had to fend for myself in the dark corners of Corellia.
> To survive, I manipulated the people I stole from or gambled with.
> It wasn't so bad considering I get the credits I need. I also won a
> new ship from a Koodan and named her the Fallen Star.
>
TOM: Wow, they named a ship after Mark Hamill!
>
> I'll soon get enough credits to get out of this junk hole. Some of the
> old twisters who I gamble with call me a
>
MIKE: Cheat.
>
> Jordi
>
TOM: because I am a blind black man.
>
> or was it Jendi. It was something like that.
>
> I have no place to spend for the night so I stopped by Cantina Paradise
> to get a drink.
>
MIKE: Because there's no better place to sleep than in a gutter, bombed out
of your mind. CROW: No personal stories Mike! TOM: Maybe if he quit
drinking he could *afford* a place to spend the night.
>
> I said to the bartender, "The usual,"
>
CROW: Curdled Klingon's blood... oh wait, wrong movie!
>
> and gave him the credits.
>
MIKE: Drink your troubles away! This fanfic brought to you by Heineken.
>
> The bartender handed me the drink and said, "There's a guy looking for you."
> I said, "Don't tell me it's Kay Kooda."
>
TOM: No! Not... [gasps] Kay Kooda!
MIKE (bartender): It's Kay Kooda.
CROW (Maxwell Smart): I told you not to tell me that!
>
> The bartender replied, "No, it isn't," as he led the way to a table.
> He pointed to a young, black haired, bearded man, who wore a large black
> robe and hooded cape.
>
CROW: And a sign reading "I am a mysterious stranger."
MIKE: Isn't that just some crazy old hermit?
>
> "Watch yourself; Jeron," said the bartender, "This guy might be trouble,"
> as he walked away.
> "You must be Jeron Silverblade, right," said the man, "I am Owen Kenobi.
> I am here on a proposition."
>
CROW (Robert Redford): I'll give you a million credits for one night with
your wife.
>
> "What kind?" I asked.
>
CROW: What kind you want?
>
> "I am looking for young students to train in the Force in my academy,"
> answered Kenobi, "You seem to have ancestors who were once Jedi Knights
> and were strong in the Force.
>
TOM: Thanks to the author of this fanfic.
>
> You too are strong in the Force.
>
TOM: Thanks to the author of this fanfic.
>
> If you are willing to join, I will help you become a Jedi Knight."
>
TOM: Thanks to the author of this fanfic.
MIKE: Enough, Tom.
>
> Before I could reply, a voice shouted out, "Hey, Jeron. I want my ship back!"
> That voice was from the big mouthed gambler, Kay Kooda. I beat him in a
> sabacc game and won his ship.
>
MIKE: Is there any way in the Star Wars universe to get a ship without
winning a game of sabacc?
>
> Now, he put a bounty on my head for half a ten thousand credits.
>
CROW: Heck, maybe it was even a tenth of fifty thousand credits!
>
> "Where's my ship?" he demanded and slammed his fist on the table.
> Before I could answer, Kenobi got up and said, "Calm down. Here, let me
> get you something to drink." I noticed Kooda was grabbing his blaster.
> Kenobi reached for a small cylinder like object which lit up a long,
> green beam. Kenobi then stroked the beam against Kay Kooda and Kooda
> was laying on the floor, dead.
>
TOM: That was a little harsh, don't you think?
>
> Kenobi turned to face me as the crowds continued on their business.
> Before I could speak, Kenobi's face was changing.
>
CROW ("Kenobi"): I can smile, and murder while I smile.
>
> I'd recognize that face anywhere.
>
MIKE: [Jeron] Mom?
>
> He was actually Luke Skywalker, hero of the Rebellion, destroyer of
> the Death Star, Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine and famous Jedi Master.
>
MIKE: Also heir to the throne of Essex, Commander of Starfleet, and carver
of 'I was beaten by a bunch of kids' on the hulls of Cardassian ships.
TOM: And now killer of some guy in a bar for no reason!
>
> "You're Luke Skywalker." I replied.
>
MIKE (as Luke): Actually, no. I'm just his stunt double. He's still having
his makeup done.
>
> "My disguise came off, didn't it?" said Skywalker,
>
MIKE (as Luke): Note to self... talk to Jim Phelps about cheap face masks...
>
> "So, do you want to learn the ways of the Force and join my Jedi Academy?"
>
TOM (Jeron): No, I want to learn the ways of the Force and go with you
to Alderaan!
>
>
> Its been six months now since I flew off Corellia to Master Luke's Jedi
> Academy in Yavin 4. Living in the Academy isn't so bad. You get three
> meals a day while train to be a Jedi Knight. You get a room to yourself and
> can go anywhere around the former Rebel base and Massassi Temple during
> your spare time.
>
CROW: And all the cable you can watch!
MIKE: And if you're *really* good you get ice cream on Sundays and get
to go swimming.
>
> Every so often, I like to check on my ship, Fallen Star and repair it.
> Considering its the only ship in the docking port, I spend a lot of time
> alone.
>
CROW (Jeron): Maybe I should shower more often.
>
> Still, I know many of the Jedi trainees here and they come by once in
> a while. In the Academy, you learn how to use the Force and sometimes
> yield a lightsaber. Often after each learning sessions with mistress Tionne,
>
CROW: Learning with the mistress, ifyaknowwhatImean.
MIKE: Crow!
>
> Master Luke, the Jedi Knight Mara Jade or the Alderaanian Winter would
> teach me something about my ancestors. My ancestors were
>
CROW (as Jeron): Cold-blooded killing vikings?! Cool!
>
> not Jedi Knights, but Jedi Sentinels. These Jedi were
>
TOM (Kevin): My own personal creations.
>
> strong in yielding a lightsaber and mind manipulation. History said they
> carried double-bladed lightsabers and wore helmets which increased their
> level of the Force in the mind. Master Luke says I'm almost done
>
TOM: An hour on broil oughta finish you.
>
> completing my training and yield a lightsaber well. He believes I am ready
> to used the double-edged saber. It seemed I would get it sooner than I
> thought.
> I was repairing my ship when a female Jedi trainee came by. "Hi, are you
> Jeron Silverblade?" she asked.
> "Yes," I replied. The young girl was brown haired and wore a dark green
> jumpsuit.
>
CROW (girl): Mike.... *I* am your sister!
>
> She carried a lightsaber on her belt.
> "My name is Jaina Solo," she said, "Master Skywalker would like to see
> you." Jaina led me away from my ship and into a room where
>
CROW: ... she proceeded to slowly remove-
MIKE: Don't even start, Crow.
>
> Luke, Mara Jade and Winter were waiting. Also in the room, was a young male
> Jedi trainee and a Wookiee.
> "You're wondering why we brought you here," Mara Jade began. "We would like
> your permission to borrow your
>
MIKE: (Mara): body, for gruesome genetic research.
>
> ship for a while."
> "What for?", I asked.
>
TOM: We want something to practice on with our lightsabers, and it's the
> biggest piece of junk around.
>
> "We have been asked by the New Republic to fly a mission to steal back
> construction plans for the Sun Crusher from the Dark Jedi Jorda the Hutt."
>
CROW: Superweapon- check.
TOM: Dark Jedi AND a Hutt- check.
CROW: Young Jedi Knights- check.
TOM: Kevin Mak must therefore be a pen name for...
ALL: KEVIN ANDERSON!
>
> Skywalker said, "Three months ago, I sent two other Jedi Knights to retrieve
> these plans. They never returned." Luke paused for a moment.
>
CROW (Luke): What were their names again?
>
> Then he continued,
>
TOM: You can tell he's all torn up about it.
>
> "I am sending Lowbecca, Jaina and Jacen Solo to fly your ship because it is
> the only one in the docking port."
> "No one flies my ship except me," I demanded.
> "You can't fly the ship because you need to complete your training here,"
> Winter said. "If you were to go on this mission, you risk turning to
> the dark side", she added.
> "That's a risk I am willing to take," I said. The three Jedi masters
>
TOM: Winter having apparently learned the Force in the last few seconds.
>
> realized there was no point arguing against my stubborn attitude so they
> finally agreed. Before I left the room, I asked, "Can you do me one favor,
> Luke?"
> "Yes?"
> "May I have the materials to construct my double-bladed saber?"
>
CROW: And can I have some red and black face paint?
TOM: Well, let's see. You're a novice apprentice, easily influenced,
untrained, arrogant, impatient and impetuous. This is the most delicate
stage of your training. A weapon of intense power might lead you down
the wrong path. You're vulnerable in practically every way... Sure!
I don't see why not.
>
> As my Corellian enforcer-class cruiser finished its jump into light speed,
> I was constructing my lightsaber in the captain's cabin. Aboard my ship
> was Lowbecca, Master Skywalker's astromech droid, R2-D2, Jaina and Jacen
> Solo. We were heading to Cloud City in Bespin to pick up
>
CROW: Don't they have a mission to perform?
MIKE: You're taking that out of context.
CROW: Fun, isn't it?
>
> a slicer named Shannon Voorson to hack into Jorda's main computer and a
> bearded mercenary for hire, Wes Stryder.
>
TOM: Why it was necessary to hack into Wes Stryder was uncertain as of yet.
>
> When I completed my lightsaber, the ship was coming out of light speed.
> I checked and double checked it to see if it was constructed properly.
>
CROW (as Jeron): The blue thingy's connected to the yellow thingy. The red
thingy's connected to my wrist watch... uh oh.
>
> I decided to test it out for the remaining time I had until we reached Cloud
> City. Using the Force, I stroked the lightsaber
>
TOM: I hear this guy's got a new book coming out. 'How to take care of your
pet lightsabers.'
>
> back and forth. Then, I flipped another switch and another sky blue beam
> came out the other side. I began to stroke both blades back and forth.
> "Hi! Oh, I am sorry. Am I disturbing you?" I switched off my lightsaber and
> saw Jaina Solo standing at the door. "The Fallen Star is about to dock at
> Cloud City."
> The Fallen Star docked safely in Cloud City as we were greeted by the
> governor of Cloud City, General Lando Calrissan. "Jaina, Jacen, Lowbecca,
> R2, nice to see you again, " welcomed Lando, "Who's this?"
>
MIKE (Jacen): Some tramp who stowed away on our ship. Lock him up!
>
> "This is Jeron Silverblade," Jacen said, "He flew us from Yavin 4 on his
> ship."
> "That's a nice ship you got there, Jeron," exclaimed Lando.
> "Thanks," I answered.
>
CROW (as Lando): Dibs on it after he's dead!
>
> Lando led us into the city and we followed him into a private living quarter
> where a male and female human were waiting for us. "This is Shannon Voorson
> and Wes Stryder," said Lando, "I am sure the Republic informed you that
> they would be accompanying you." Lowbecca growled in assurance as we
> greeted our new arrivals. Suddenly, a man came into the room.
>
MIKE (man): Who here ordered the Supreme with extra anchovies?
>
> "Hello, Lieutenant Horn," said Lando, "Everyone, this is Lieutenant Corran
> Horn, co- commander of the Rogue Squadron and Jedi Knight. Corran, what is
> the matter?
>
TOM (Corran): That promotion that Ackbar gave me 15 years ago still hasn't
come through!
>
> "Rumor has it that Jorda has sent his troops to Cloud City. He is looking
> for the agents sent to steal back the Sun Crusher construction plans."
>
CROW (Corran): It seems that our Intelligence service has more leaks than
a vegetable garden!
>
> "Notify the Rogue Squadron of an attack on Cloud City." When Corran left,
> Lando turned to us and said, "You must leave as quickly as possible. There
> is no time to lose."
> We left to the docking bay where my ship had landed. I started up the engines
> and we flew out of Cloud City. I was about to pilot the ship out of the
> Bespin when fleet of A-Wing fighters appeared on the screen. "I didn't know
> Lando was sending ships to escort us out of Bespin," said Voorson. Suddenly,
> the A-Wings began to fire at us.
> "They aren't Republic A-Wings", yelled Stryder, "They're Jorda's C7s who are
>
TOM: Explosive.
MIKE: That's C4.
TOM: Spoilsport.
>
> piloting those A-Wing fighters. Many of Jorda's troops are droids because he
> owns many droid industrial plants."
> "Defector shields are down," I exclaimed, "Operating the defense systems now!"
> all of a sudden, an A-Wing fighter vanished from the screen. I looked to see
> a swarm of X-Wing fighters coming to our rescue. From one of the X- Wings,
> a pilot telecomm me and said, "Fallen Star. This is Rogue Leader commander
> Wedge Antilles.
>
CROW (Wedge): Yes, the Republic employs 40 year old fighter pilots.
>
> The Rogue Squadron coming to your aid. We'll take it from here." I flew my
> ship away from the battle as the Fallen Star jumped into hyperspace.
> I put the Fallen Star on a course to Coruscant, the giant capital of the
> New Republic. There, we would fix the ship for some needed repair. I went
> back to my cabin to continue my lightsaber training. The other passengers
> were around in the main lobby of the ship, playing some holo games
>
TOM (Jacen): Wow, this ship even has Virtual Vanessa!
>
> and being amused by Jacen's humorous jokes.
>
MIKE: And boy are we grateful that Kevin didn't mention any of them!
>
> Using the shooting simulator Master Skywalker gave me, I let the Force flow
> through me as I blocked the laser shots from left and right. Then, I put on
> a helmet and flipped the visor over my eyes while using the lightsaber.
> As I stroked the saber, I made sure I deflected all the shots from the
> simulator.
>
MIKE: This scene -like so many others- stolen directly from the original
Star Wars.
TOM: At least there's SOMETHING to enjoy.
>
> "Hey! Watch where you're waving that saber!" I turned off the lightsaber to
> see Wes and Jaina inside my room.
> "Sorry about that," I said, "I didn't see you two in here."
> "We're about to arrive in Coruscant," said Wes.
>
TOM: Apparently Corsucant and Cloud City are about 10 minutes away from
each other.
>
> "You coming, cap?"
>
TOM: America.
MIKE: Crunch.
CROW: And Tennile
>
> "Yeah, I'm coming."
> I followed Wes back to the cockpit. The ship came out of hyperspace and was
> given permission to land in Coruscant. We came out of the ship and followed
> a golden plated droid named C3- PO to the Main Assembly room. There, Chief
> of State Leia Organa Solo, the Bothan Councilor Borsk Frey'lya and chief
> smuggler Talon Karrade was waiting for us.
>
MIKE: Two top political figures and an almost-legal businessman... Sounds
like Washington D.C. to me.
>
> "Chief of State, Councilor and Master Talon Karrade, this is Wes Stryder,
> Shannon Voorson, Jeron Silverblade, Lowbecca, Jaina and Jacen Solo," said
> C3PO,
>
MIKE (Leia): We've met my children before, Threepio.
TOM: Unnecessary introduction scene... reminds me of Ratliff.
CROW: Everyone- stay sharp, and watch out for a blonde teenage girl.
>
> "They are on a mission to find the Sun Crasher plans and their ship needs
> repairs."
> "My ship, Fallen Star, needs its hyperdrive system fixed and some minor
> repairs." I said, "How long will this take?"
> "Approximately two days," Frey'lya said, "but we don't have that kind of
> time."
>
CROW ("Frey'lya"): We've got some of the chocolate kind if that helps.
>
> "What do you mean that kind of time?" I asked.
> "We have received some information about Jorda," said Leia, "Maybe you should
> tell them, Karrade."
> "Thank you. Jorda was seen on Tatooine. Rumor has it he
>
MIKE: ...only wants to go to planets that you've already heard of.
>
> has began constructing the Crusher. He also has some Dark Jedi at his
> disposal.
>
CROW (Leia): Dark Jedi? Still? Man, I thought we killed 'em all off.
>
> "Jeron," said Frey'lya, "I'll have my men repair your ship in a couple of
> hours.
>
MIKE: So first he says it will take 2 days, but then he admits he can do it
in 2 hours. I don't get this guy.
>
> I promise. Hopefully, the Force will be with us all in this desperate hour."
> As he promised, the Fallen Star was ready in no time. On Coruscant, I
> continued to practice my Jedi training. My ship is headed to Tatooine,
> the desert planet in the Outer Rim. My passengers boarded my ship as I
> wasted no time in taking off from Coruscant. As I was about to jump to
> light speed, shots came out of nowhere.
> "Scanners have picked up enemy fighter," shouted Voorson, "Five TIE-Phantom
> says the nav computer."
>
TOM: Attacking Coruscant with 5 TIE Fighters.
MIKE: Just like the one ship attack on Earth in Ratliff's "Enterprized".
CROW: Marrissa has to be here somewhere.
TOM: Do we know if Jeron's got blonde hair?
MIKE: Do we know if Jeron's male?
CROW: Jeron does an awful lot of lightsaber stroking, we know that.
>
> "Boost up the shields," I commanded, "Load up the main laser cannons. R2,
> take my place in flying this ship.
>
TOM: I thought he said earlier no one flew his ship except him.
MIKE: Talk about double standards.
>
> Shannon, keep track of those fighters.
>
CROW (Shannon): There's one behind us.. now it's overhead.. now it's in
front of us... ooh, there's two more behind us, and another one to the left.
MIKE (Jeron): Real helpful, Shannon.
>
> Wes, you're coming with me." Wes followed me to the gun stations where I
> went to one station and he went to the other one on the other side of the
> ship. As I sat down and get ready to shoot, I shouted into the comlink,
>
BOTS (Jeron): THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
>
> "Rotate the gun stations to battle ready position, now!"
> The Fallen Star's gun stations were at the ends of the ship so when the
> middle rotated, it transformed into a pair of wings with gun stations on
> each end.
>
TOM: It's more than meets the eye!
>
> "Here they come!", shouted Wes on the comlink.
> The fighters flew across my ship as they shot my ship. As the ship dodged
> the shots, Wes and I fired our laser cannons. These fighters were pretty
> fast but not fast enough when Wes and I blew four fighters out of the sky.
> "Nice shooting, Wes", I said into the comlink. Then I heard a crashing sound
> from the ship. "What the heck was that?" Wes said into the comlink.
>
CROW (Jeron): I guess the vases weren't bolted down.
>
> "The shields aren't holding," Jacen said. I heard R2 beep hysterically.
> "Let's finish the job, Jeron," shouted Wes.
> "I hear yeah." I was following the pitiful TIE on the target screen. Finally,
> I locked on to it and said, "See ya, eyeball!", as I blew away the fighter.
> We came out of hyperspace and into the desert planet Tatooine.
>
[ALL make crashing noises.]
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Bozo the Evil Klown
..... cops on a low-rated TV network-wannabe.
> TOM (Kevin): My own personal creations.
>>
>> strong in yielding a lightsaber and mind manipulation.
They could surrender their weapons *twice* as fast as any other Jedi, as well
as producing TV commercials!
>>History said they
>> carried double-bladed lightsabers and
Very few Jedi survived the brief but tragic fad for triple-bladed lightsabers.
>>wore helmets which increased their
>> level of the Force in the mind.
The reason for the letter "P" on a puke-green oval on the side of the helmets
has been lost in the misty bowels of history.
>>Master Luke says I'm almost done
"When you can snatch this Han Solo Action Figure from my hand,
Grasshopper....."
*****
"You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I
thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible
things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them?"
Marcus Cole