[MiSTing] Part 5a: "Aquamarines and Diamonds" and "Battle Royal"

[Carp]

> This is my first fanfic so please be gentle.

CROW: No. You're not gonna be gentle with us.

> This is the first in what I hope will become a large
> amount of stories.
> [Insert standard disclaimers here]

MIKE: Insert joke about author's laziness here.

> Any and all suggestion, comments, and or flames would be
> greatly appreciated.

CROW: Ha! Authors are so stupid to say that.

> My email:jason_...@sunshine.net
> Please let me know what you think.
> BTW This fanfic if rated PG13 due to some swearing and a few
> suggestive scenes.
>
> Life was good for the sailors. Renie was back in the
> future, Rubuas was dead, and Darien had gotten back with
> Serena. Generally every thing was going just fine.

TOM: Well, unless you're Rubuas, whoever that is.

>
> Battle Royal
>
> Chapter I

MIKE: Well, great, we already missed chapters A through H.

> "Why didn't you tell me about this Grandpa?" Ray
> demanded.

CROW: "I DESERVE to know! I am the heart of the Ghostbusters, after
all!"

> "We need the money and I think it's a good idea." The
> short man replied.
> "Your just to cheep

ALL: Cheep! Cheep cheep!

> to hire some help and want to drag
> volunteers into doing chores." Ray shot back angrily.
> "Now Ray they are going to be here in a few days. Try not
> to kill them please."

MIKE: Yeah, would it be possible for you to keep your homicidal
tendencies in check for, like, a week? Would that be so difficult?

> "No promises." Ray said sensing she would not win this
> one.

TOM: (Ray) I'll commit multiple murders if I damn well please!

>
> Later at their usual scout meeting Ray announced that
> there would be three Canadian exchange students arriving.

MIKE: Canadians? Oh lord.

> "Are any of them cute?" Mina asked.
> "I don't know. Its possible Mina." Ray replied.

MIKE: But seeing as how they sought fit to insert themselves into a
Sailormoon fanfic, it's doubtful.

> "When are they getting here?" Amy asked.
> "Tomorrow" Ray replied "excuse me I have to go get
> their room ready"

CROW: (Ray) Lessee, snake in the bed, check. Hideous insects in the
sock drawer, check.

>
> Jason looked out of the plane's window at the Tyoko
> skyline.

TOM: Tyoko?
MIKE: Yeah, it's a small town in Nebraska. Nice.

> "Where all most there." He told his two companions.
> "Good I'm ready to get off this hunk of junk." Jan
> replied. Jan was tall easily 6'4 his coal black hair seemed
> to shadow his ruggedly handsome face. He was trim with broad
> shoulders.

CROW: Oh yeah, and he was also a woman, apparently.

> "Hunk of junk??" Bryce inquired, "this is one of the
> newest planes built." Bryces wore his blond hair short. He seemed
> to posse a almost football player build. "isn't that right Jason?"
> Jason's deep blue eyes regarded the two for a second

TOM: Jason, give it up. You're never going to get that math problem
right.

> "That's right Bryce the 747 design is only fifty years old."

MIKE: See, in Canada, that IS a brand new invention.

> Of the three, Jason was the most striking. His blue eyes
> contrasted with his raven black hair and well developed
> body.

CROW: His breasts were supple, his hips shapely...

> "come on I think its time we paid our respects to the
> captain."

TOM: Jeez, captain or not, a commercial aircraft is a WEIRD place for
a funeral.

> "You just want to get into the cockpit." Jan observed
> as he stood up.
> "Of course. I love to fly. Coming Bryce?"
> "Sure why not."

MIKE: Um, well, for one thing, the pilots are probably a little busy
at the moment, um...

> Just as they reached the nose section there was a large
> explosion and the aircraft began to dive.

CROW: (Jason) Who-ee! Sorry about that. Damn airplane food!

> Acting
> quickly Bryce tore open the cabin door. The scene before them was
> grim. The pilot, co-pilot and radio operator were unconscious.

TOM: Well, they should have known not to eat the fish!

> Jason dove for the pilot's chair and grabbed
> the wheel.
> "Jan take the other one. Bryce get on the radio and
> declare an emergency." Jan quickly took the other wheel and
> helped Jason pull the plane out of the dive.

MIKE: Well, that takes care of that, but what are they going to do
about the MAN ON THE WING OF THIS PLANE?!

> Bryce was calling for
> help as alarms blared in the cabin.
> "Mayday, Mayday, this is flight 7072 declaring an
> emergency. The pilot and co-pilot are unconscious and things are
> looking desperate," Bryce screamed into the mike.

MIKE: Agh! Stop that!

> "7072 who's flying?" the ground controller's voice was slurred. No
> doubt the effects from his last bottle of valium.

ALL: (chuckle)
CROW: What the hell was that?
TOM: Maybe the author's girlfriend left him for an air-traffic
controller.

> "The name's not important.

CROW: "And neither is what I'm doing in the cockpit!"

> Engines 2 and 4 are on fire
> and I request an emergency landing." Jason said into the pilots
> headset.
> "Roger 7072 Runway two zero is cleared. Fire trucks
> are on the way."

MIKE: "They're bringing us more valium!"

> "Okay people lets put this bird on the ground." Jason
> wiped his sweaty palms on his pant legs. "there's runway two zero.

TOM: Easily identified by the large "2" and "0" painted on it.

> Deploying landing gear. Flaps are down. Wheels are locked. Hang in
> there this could be rough."
> Wrestling with the control stick Jason fought heroically to land the
> plane in one piece.

MIKE: But what's this? The control stick has a folding chair, and...
oh my god! Jason's out! Jason's out! This one's over, folks!

> "Here it comes!" The plane land heavily on it's rear wheels and the
> nose came down with the force of a small explosion blowing out the
> front tire.

TOM: (Leslie Nielson) I just want you both to know good luck. We're
all counting on you.

> The sound of metal on asphalt sent a shiver up the spines of
> the passengers.

MIKE: Hey, isn't it eerie how we're all about to die?

> Jason slammed on the brakes and applied reverse
> thrust. The wheel jerked in his hands as he fought to keep the
> aircraft from sliding into the terminal.

TOM: (Leslie Nielson) I just want you both to know good luck. We're
all counting on you.

> As soon as the plane skidded to a stop stewards
> were popping open hatches and setting up emergency ramps.
> Jan, Jason, and Bryce were the last to leave and were given a heroes
> welcome.

ALL: (bored) Hooray.

> "I hope that's the only trouble that we have." Jan
> said to Jason. "now to find the people who were to greet
> us."

CROW: "How many innocent people will we save doing THIS, I wonder?"

> Ray finally getting tired of waiting stormed out of the terminal and
> moved towards the plane with a forceful stride. She was more than a
> little bit angry at having to wait for the tardy plane.

ALL: (titter)
MIKE: Look, kid, just because you HAVE a thesaurus...
CROW: That plane better watch out, or it'll get a detention!

> Bryce was the first to spot here and waved her over.

TOM: (Bryce) A WOMAN! Come here, woman!!

> "Hi you must me Ray." Jason said to her as she
> arrived.

CROW: Easily identified by the large "R", "A", and "Y" painted on her.

> "Yes. Are you guys ready?" She replied coldly.
> "Just let us collect our baggage and then we can be out of here."
> 'why do I feel like this is not going to be a quiet
> trip?' Jason silently asked himself.

CROW: Well, for one thing, you did just smuggle fifty pounds of
cocaine into the country.

> Collecting their baggage took a few moments as the airport
> officials were too busy calming frightened passengers to bother the
> group.

TOM: Yeah, there was just a suspicious explosion that nearly destroyed
a commercial aircraft, so of course airport security is busying itself
calming frightened passengers, and not questioning the three creepy
Canadian guys who just HAPPENED to be in the exact right place to
swoop in and save the day.
MIKE: Tom? Don't think so much.

> Soon they were on their way to the temple.
> "So where are you from?" Ray asked on the way.
> "Were all from Vancouver. At lest that's where home
> was for a few years."
> "Move around a lot?" Ray asked.

MIKE: Um, sure thing.
ALL: (wiggle around briefly)

> "Yeah." Jason replied as he gazed at City.

TOM: (Jason) Isn't there supposed to be Sex in this thing?

> "Your Japanese is quite excellent but I can't place the
> accent." Ray commented. She was surprised when the three
> stiffened.

ALL: Agh!
CROW: We did NOT need to know that!

> "My uncle was born in Japan, he taught all of us the
> language." Jason replied. He was unable to keep the
> nervousness out of his voice.

TOM: Ah, so that explains the unusual "taught by uncle" dialect.

> 'That's odd.' Ray thought. The rest of the trip was in
> silence.
> Arriving at the temple Ray was astonished to see Serena,
> Mina, Lita, and Amy sitting on the steps quietly talking.

MIKE: Now come on, is that really a good reason for astonishment?
CROW: (Ray) GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, they're SITTING and TALKING QUIETLY!!
AAAAARRRRGH!!

> "Hey guys what's up?" Ray called as she came up the steps.

MIKE: (Lita) Just hanging around, doing valium. You know, the usual.

> "Well we were in the neighborhood and we thought we
> might stop by." Mina said unconvincingly.
> "Let me guess you heard that Ray would have three
> handsome guys to herself and you wanted to help her out?"

MIKE: 'Help her out'? Ugh.

> Jason asked in a amused voice as he approached. All he got
> was silence because of Ray fuming and the other girls starring
> speechlessly at them.
> "Five buck Jan." Bryce held out his hand.

CROW: Naw, man, looks more like a ten-pointer to me.

> "Okay, Okay." Jan handed Bryce the money.
> Ray look at the two
> "Five bucks for what?"
> "We had this bet that Jason could piss you off twice the first day."
> "Hey guys why don't we go get unpacked?" Jason asked with a touch of
> amusement.

CROW: Mike?
MIKE: Yes, Crow?
CROW: Canadians are JERKS.
MIKE: I know, Crow.

> Ray showed them to their rooms. Along the way she glared daggers at
> them.
> "Wow Jan looks just like me old boyfriend." Lita
> said in a dreamy voice.

TOM: (Lita) Did I mention that my old boyfriend was a woman?

> "I thought you would have better taste in men." The
> voice came from below them. Lita jumped in fright and
> looked down to see a grinning Artemis.

MIKE: Wow, you can just cut the sexual tension with a knife, can't
you?

> "I know a vet who could give me a good price on
> neutering." Lita said in a threatening voice.

CROW: Hey Mike, you really CAN!

> "Come on Lita, Artemis didn't mean anything by it."
> Mina said as she scooped up her cat.
> "Girls I've been picking up bad vibes all morning. I
> think there may be a new threat." Luna said as she jumped
> into Serena's lap.

TOM: (Luna) Or maybe it was just those asshole Canadians.

> "Oh Luna don't be such a worry wart." Serena said as
> she stroked Luna's fur.
> Jason, Jan, and Bryce came out of the temple and approached the
> girls. "Ray told me one of you show us around. Can you?"

MIKE: "Don't ask me why she was talking caveman talk, I don't know."

> Their
> was a touch of humor in Jason's tone. Almost as if he were
> laughing at some private joke.
> Serena stood up first "I've got a date and I have to get going."
> She left.

MIKE: Right... a date! Yeah, that's the ticket...

> "I've got computer class so I can't help." Amy said as she also
> left. Lita and Mina looked at each other.

CROW: (Lita) Think of something, quick!

> "We'll take you around. Is Ray coming?" Mina said as she got up.
> "No she said something about having to do chores." Jan replied.

MIKE: She said YOU had to do chores!

> "Well lets go." Lita said as she stopped gazing at Jan and got up.

CROW: You know, people always keep trying to tell me she's not a
lesbian, and then she goes and does something like this.

>
> The rest of the day was filled with sight seeing and shopping.
> The girls were amazed that the three took to both actions like
> naturals.

MIKE: Sure, it looks like that, but they've been practicing thirteen
hours a day since they were six.

> Ready to ohh, and ah, at the sights and render kind advice on
> clothes and make-up to the two shoppers. The guys also picked up a
> few things at several men's stores.
> "Well girls its been fun but we really should be
> getting back now." Jason said as a nearby clock chimed seven.

CROW: (Jason) We'll be turning into werewolves any second now...

> "Yes its been a great day but I think we should be
> heading back to the temple." Bryce agreed.
> "Okay but we'll be back tomorrow." Lita said as she
> dragged Mina towards her home. "what do you think of them?" She
> asked her once they were out of sight.
> "Either their gay or some of the best guys I've ever
> met."

TOM: Those two things being mutually incompatable.
MIKE: Right. If they're gay, they suck.

> "Yeah. I don't think their gay. Also I have dibs on Jan."
> "No argument.

TOM: "She's a little too girly for me."

> Oh by the way I heard that when their plane came down
> there was a explosion. They managed to land the plane on their own."
> "What happened to the pilots?"
> "They were knocked unconscious by the explosion." Mina
> explained as they neared her house.

MIKE: "And also, there was a MAN ON THE WING OF THAT PLANE!!"

>
> Meanwhile as they neared the temple Jason turned to Bryce.
> "So what do you think of them?"
> "Their nice enough.

MIKE: "Too bad we're all so gay."

> I just hope things turnout all
> right." Bryce said as they neared their room.
> "Yeah me too" Jan put in as he lay down on one of the beds in the
> temple's spare room.
> Grandpa came in looking for his elusive guests.
> "Oh, there you are, dinner is in a few minutes." He
> announced.

TOM: "Oh, and since you weren't here, I had to do all of your chores,
and I fell and broke my hip. So, basically, death can't come soon
enough for me. Thanks a heap."

> "Thanks, you guys go on ahead I'll be just a few moments." Jason
> stated as he headed to the bathroom.

CROW: Um, why did the author feel it necessary to include that little
fact in the story?
MIKE: Don't think about it. Just don't think about it.

> Over dinner they discussed many things.

CROW: Shoes and ships and ceiling wax...

> Trivial things
> really until Chad commented on their accents. Ray saw all
> three of them react the same way.

TOM: By ignoring him.

> "Well my uncle was born in Japan and he taught us the
> language." Jason replied with a hint of nervousness.
> "Well it's getting late so I'm off to bed." Grampa got up and turned
> to the Canadians "I'll see you in the morning."

CROW: It's 5:30. The sun hasn't even gone down yet. Poor guy's
senile as a goat.

> "I've got to get going my self. I'm meeting a few friends for a
> late movie." Ray said as she got up.

MIKE: (Ray) I'm dressing as Riff-Raff tonight!

> Chad cleared away the dishes and went back to his room to practice
> his music.
> "Do you think they suspect something?" Jason said in
> French when the others had left.

ALL: FRENCH?!!
TOM: Bum bum BUUUUUUM!!

> "No. I think your just paranoid." Jan said, also in
> French.

CROW: FREN... (He trails off. the others look at him) Well, I'm
still shocked by it.

> "Just to be sure, I think we all should be more
> careful." Bryce said as he chipped in his two bits.
> "Agreed" The other two said as they finally left the
> table.

TOM: What is this heinous French conspiracy? To force Japan to give
up bathing?!
MIKE: To make the Japanese foreign legion wear those silly hats?!
CROW: A worldwide campaign to make lunch the biggest meal of the day
instead of dinner?!

>
> The next day dawned too early for Ray who awoke to the sounds of
> someone working out in the courtyard. 'Oh I bet that's the
> Canadians' she thought sleepily. 'still I'd better go check on
>them. Don't want them to hurt themselves.'

TOM: "...before I get a chance to."

> Ray got up and donning a robe left to check on the
> sounds. What she saw surprised her.

MIKE: (Ray) Oh my god, the Canadians are SITTING and TALKING QUIETLY!

> The three of them were
> bare chested and performing what looked like a three way
> kata. Ray was surprised at the ease and grace of their movements.
> "Good morning Ray."

ALL: Good morning, sunshine!

> Jason called out his back to her.
> "What are you doing?" She asked the trio.
> "Just something a teacher of ours taught us a few years ago."

TOM: "How to avoid doing chores."

> Ray immediately sensed the lie. She had been train in martial arts
> for years and the level of skill they demonstrated could only be
> achieved by grand masters. Ray was a bit nervous being around them.
> After all if they were grand masters why lie about it?

TOM: Because they're JERKS, Ray.

> Grandpa was coming out of the temple having been awakened by the
> sounds of the practice. He caught the end of the Kata and for some
> reason it seemed vaguely familiar.

MIKE: He'd met it years ago in Shapeir.

> "Good morning one and all." He called out.

CROW: Jeez, Tiny Tim, you're OLD now. Give it a rest, will ya?

> Ray jumped, obviously having
> been surprised by his quiet approach. The three however just
> replied "morning" As they finished their practice.
> Jason grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat off his face.

TOM: Ugh, now he's going to drink a Diet Coke, isn't he?

> "Ray we have to go into town this morning. Some of our
> stuff arrived late. Do you know the way to the Canadian
> Consulates?"

MIKE: Um... is that near San Jose?

> Ray was caught off guard by the question. 'Why would they want to
> know the way to the Consulates?' she wondered.
> "No, but Amy might. I'll call and ask her."
> "Thanks Ray. I owe you one." Jason said as he went inside to take a
> shower.

TOM: Why does the author think we're interested in where Jason goes
all the time? We're just glad he's GONE!

> "Why is your stuff at the consulates?" Ray asked Bryce
> and Jan.
> "Jason was worried some of our stuff might get damaged
> on the way in, so he sent it by diplomatic courier." Jan
> explained as he and Bryce left to get cleaned up.

TOM: (Ray) You guys will you ANYTHING to get out of doing chores,
won't you?

>
> "Yeah Amy the Canadian Consulates.

MIKE: "Isn't that NUTS?"

> You do? Okay
> they'll be waiting." Ray hung up the phone and turned to
> Jason. "Amy knows the way.

TOM: You know, guys, the way to the Canadian Consulates that can be
spoken is not the true way to the Canadian Consulates.
CROW: That's deep, Tom.

> She'll be by to pick you guys
> up in a few minutes."
> Jason had put on black pants and a dark blue shirt.

CROW: Hmm. Can we assume he's just been naked up to this point, then?

> He nodded to Ray.
> "Thanks, I owe you."

TOM: (Jason) I'll only charge you half for the first vial.

>
> Picking up their bags proved to be a cinch.

CROW: Turns out, all they had to do was reach down, grasp the handle,
and pull upwards!

> They walked up to the front desk at the consulates and upon
> signing the proper papers received three dark blue duffel bags that
> looked very heavy.

MIKE: Well, twenty-four heads is a lot, you know.

> "Wow I expected that to take all day." Amy commented as they left.
> "Government officials are not known for their speed."

CROW: They're known for their valium.

> "Yeah, they were going to delay us until they got a look at the
> bribes I was giving out." Jason said as they wandered down a
> sidewalk next to the park.

MIKE: Our hero, ladies and gentlemen, The Amoral Canadian.

> Jason noted Amy somewhat shocked expression. "now don't you feel
> better about knowing?"
> 'Not really' Amy thought. Out loud she said. "There's Darien, I
> want you to meet him."

TOM: "So I can sneak off while you're talking to him!"

> She said pointing to a couple strolling
> through the park.
> As the group approached the couple began a deep passionate kiss.
> Sensing that now was not a good time,

TOM: The man's got the instincts of a lynx.

> Jason made apologies to Amy.
> They were just leaving the park when they heard a women scream.
> Jason, Jan, and Bryce immediately turned and vaulted over a high
> hedge that separated them from the source of the scream. What they
> saw sent tendrils of terror running down their spines.

TOM: Killing them instantly.

> Standing over Serena was the ugliest looking creature the three of
> them had ever seen.

MIKE: It's got John Goodman's body and Denise Richard's head!

> It stood
> about 5'9 but was twisted and grotesque in a way no human
> could ever manage.

CROW: Oh my god, it's Lara Croft!

> The real shock however was the five arms ending
> in hook like claws. Two of which held a young man Jason guessed to
> be Darien against a tree. The other three were reaching for Serena.

CROW: Hey look, the hooks are bringing her back.

> "Its got Serena. Kill it!" Jason shouted to Bryce and Jan who were
> pulling out some sort of small cylinders from their duffel bags.
> When the cylinders were out Jan and Bryce dropped their bags to the
> ground.

MIKE: Well, thank god THAT sentence was in there. Otherwise I would
have spent the entire rest of the story wondering, "But what did they
do with the duffel bags?"

> They squeezed the cylinders and a odd liquid sound came
> from the them as they grew to about five foot long.

CROW: Um, Mike, should we be watching this?

> They were tipped on the end with a blade over
> a foot long. (think of Saturn's Glaive.)

TOM: Oh, I'm thinking of doing SOMETHING with Saturn's Glaive...

> Jason pulled out a small one handed sword.

MIKE: (grimly) It lost the other hand in 'Nam.

> Thus armed and swallowing their fear, they charged the creature.

ALL: SPOON!!

> The creature noting their advance tried to throw Darien
> into them. They avoided the human missile with a ease and grace
> that spoke of enormous agility.

MIKE: Darien crashed into a wall and died, by the way, but who can
think about that with all this AGILITY being demonstrated?

> Reaching the monster they swung Bryce
> and Jan their odd staffs in tight arcs while Jason sliced at one of
> the monsters arms. There was a moment of silence,

TOM: The story's coherence has finally passed on.

> then three of the
> monsters arms fell off. It screamed in pain and backfliped out of
> range.
> "Jan get Serena and Darien to safety." Jason barked.
> "we can handle this thing."
> "Right Jason." Jan replied. He quickly moved Serena
> who had fainted over to Darien who was just coming around.
> "Can you walk." He asked Darien sharply.

CROW: (Darien) Yes, but I've got a little TIP for you. Get the POINT?

> "Yes" Darien replied in a pained voice. "I thing that
> thing busted a few of my ribs."

TOM: (singing) I thing that thing that thi-ing...

> "Well stay put, that creatures not going to survive long."
> Darien at last noticed the battle and his eyes widened
> at the sight of Jason holding his sword in one hand,
> the monster head was in the other.

ALL: (Laugh out loud)
MIKE: (monster head) Yep, I'm pretty much doomed over here.

> The entire battle had
> taken perhaps six seconds.

CROW: Six seconds WE'LL never get back.

> "Thanks for the help, but who the hell are you guys?"
> Darien asked as he subtly put himself between the men and
> Serena. Jason saw what he was doing and approval shone in
> his eyes.

TOM: (Jason) Misogynystic overprotectiveness! I like that.

> "I'm Jason this is Bryce and the who got Serena out is
> Jan."

MIKE: "We're evil French terrorists who... oh damn! Uh, forget I
said that."

> They squeezed their staffs again and they reverted
> to their previous size of 4 inches.

CROW: (nurse) Dr. Freud... paging Dr. Freud... this is an EMERGENCY,
Dr. Freud...

> Bryce looked at Serena
> who hadn't come around yet.
> "That's odd she should be up."

TOM: She's got school in an hour!

> "What happened?" Amy asked as she came running up. She
> blinked as she noticed the monsters body in a pool of blood.
> "Darien and Serena got attacked by this monster."
> Bryce stated as he picked up his duffel bag. "What's wrong
> with Serena?"

CROW: (Amy) We think she was dropped as a baby.

> "She just fainted." Amy said as she examined Serena.
> "We need to get her to a safe place. Whose house is closets?"

MIKE: (Bryce) We need to come out of it, you see.

> Jason
> asked as he retrieved his duffel bag.
> "Mine is." Darien said as he painfully got up.
> "Good. Jan help Darien, Bryce get Serena. I'll be lookout."
> "What does that mean?" Amy asked Bryce.
> "If he sees anything unusual he yells 'LOOKOUT' and we know to
> duck."

ALL: (Laugh heartily)
MIKE: Bryce is a real quipster, isn't he?
TOM: Yes, he is indeed a veritable Punning Jack!

> Amy was still trying to sort out what had happened.
> She then remembered the staffs.
> "What's the deal with those staffs?" She asked Bryce.
> "There called quriots.

CROW: "That's French for 'penis substitute.'"

> The story behind them is rather
> unusual, I'll tell it to you later if you like."

MIKE: (Amy) Is it later yet?
TOM: (Bryce) No! Calm down.
MIKE: (Amy) But you said...
TOM: (Bryce) I'll tell you when I'm ready!

> They reached Dariens apartment without incident and quickly
> put Serena into Dariens bed. Amy called the others and they
> agreed to come over as fast as possible.
> "Now about that story?" Amy asked as Bryce finished
> wrapping Dariens ribs.
> "A few years ago we were exploring a cave in northern BC. There
> was a

CROW: "...bunch of boring Christian cavemen."

> cave in and we got knocked out. The next thing we remember is
> waking up in this huge palace.

MIKE: Palace, right.

> The staffs were right next to us.

MIKE: Staffs, that's great.

> Then this angel appeared and began to speak to us.

MIKE: Angel, uh huh.

> It told us that we
> have a destiny.

MIKE: Yeah, destiny, okay.

> She also filled our heads with a lot of information.

MIKE: Information, sure thing.

> The most we can make out of it is the Japanese language.

MIKE: Right, right, Japanese.

> Then we
> blacked out.

MIKE: Black cow, got it.

> We woke up on a small hill just outside of the cave.

MIKE: Hill, uh huh, uh huh.

> The staffs,
> sword and three gems were sitting beside us.

MIKE: Right beside you, of course they were.

> Along with it was a letter in a language that no one knows."
> "Really?"
> "Yes. I don't know why I'm telling you this. It must seem really
> crazy to you but it did happen. I just wish that we knew what
> language the letter is in."

TOM: (Amy) Um, this is English. It's just written in cursive.

> "Old high lunar I suspect." Luna said calmly as she walked in.
> Ray and the other scouts were right behind her.
> "Old high Lunar? This, is getting to be interesting." Bryce said as
> he got up.

CROW: (Bryce) Yeah! And also, the cat's talking! That's interesting,
too!

> "Jason, Jan get in here. I think were going to get some answers."

CROW: (Bryce) From the talking cat! Which I am taking in stride!

> Jason and Jan came back from the kitchen where they were busy
> cooking and quickly took a seat. They waited for Luna to continue.
> "Can I see that letter?"
> "Here it is Luna." Jason pulled out piece of luminous white paper.
> It was covered in a strange flowing script.

MIKE: There are moon letters here! See?

> "It's as I thought. You three are the Warlords." Luna said
> proudly.
> "Warlords? Do we have armies? Don't we have uniforms?" Jason asked
> with a small smile on his face.

TOM: (Jason) And mistresses! We should get mistresses!

> "Those three gems, when charged with the power of the crystal allow
> you to access your powers."
> "Ah Luna? Why are they called the Warlords?" Mina asked cursorily.

CROW: Because they're good farmers. Why do you THINK they were called
Warlords?!

> "I think I can answer that Venus." Jan said,
> surprising Mina. "We were called the Warlords because we commanded
> the armies of the Silver Millennium. Also we were almost always at
> war trying to defend the Silver Millennium. Our last battle was
> against Beryl. We lost in that battle. For a thousand years we
> were tortured by the Negaverse.

ALL: Yaaaaay!
CROW: Go Negaverse!

> However we were totally dedicated to
> the safety of the Silver Millennium."
> "How did you know I was Sailor Venus?" Mina asked, still stunned.

TOM: That "Hello, my name is Sailor Venus" sticker you're wearing, for
one.

> "Part of the memories that we got from the angel. You know, come to
> think of it, that angel must have been Queen Serenity.

MIKE: (Jan) Queen Serenity looks exactly like Della Reese, right?

> "Enough with the long winded speeches. Lets wake Serena up and get
> her to charge our crystals." Bryce said with a faint glimmer of
> hope in his eye.
> "Hello my old friends." Serenity said as she strode out of Dariens
> bedroom.

TOM: Now waaaiiit a minute, here.
CROW: Darien, dude! Her MOM?!

> Her gown swirling about her feet and her crescent moon was blazing.
> "Princess we have a favor to ask." Jason stated as he went on one
> knee in front of Serenity. " We have been searching for you for a
> long time. We need you to restore us to our rightful positions."
> "It shall be done." Serenity said as she undid her broach.

MIKE: Whoa whoa whoa! I don't care WHAT the Kama Sutra says, those
aren't the "rightful positions" we want!

> The front snapped open and power flowed fourth into the three gems.
> Their was a brilliant flash of power and her crystal returned to its
> usual glimmering.
> Jason, Jan, and Bryce had undergone a startling transformation.

TOM: They were now charred corpses!

> Bryce was dressed in a black bodysuit with calf high boots, all in
> black. (Think of Luke Skywalker's outfit in Return Of the Jedi)

CROW: I don't want to! Stop telling me what to do!

> Jason was
> dressed in light armor (Like Prince Eddiymon's)that was edged in
> black.

MIKE: These subliminal messages aren't hidden very well, are they?

> Jan was also in armor but its main color was a deep rich blue.
> "I am Lord Charon. Control of the Styx and its power is mine."
> Jason's voice seemed to come from the depths of his soul.

TOM: Mike, what's the author's first name, again?
MIKE: Jason.
TOM: Just checking.

> "I am Lord Titian. The power of chaos and all its forms is mine to
> control." Bryce's voice seemed to come from all around.
> "Finally, I am Lord Oberon. Darkness and shadows are mine."

CROW: Mine, ALL MINE!! Mwa ha ha ha ha!

> Jan voice sound deep and powerful.
> Rays sense of power was off her psychic scale. She could not sense
> good or evil in these three.

TOM: But just to be safe, she shot them all in the head and burned
their bodies. The end.

> "Who or what are you?" Lita asked in a stunned voice.

MIKE: (Lita) I'm sorry, I really haven't been paying attention.

> "We are the Warlords. We are the sons of lord Hades and powerful
> beings in our own right. Queen Serenity relied on us to handle
> things the scout could or would not.

TOM: "...like painting the fence and washing the crapper."

> "Okay enough with the long winded speeches." A new voice called
> out.

CROW: Enough with people saying 'enough with the long winded
speeches!'

> "You still like to drone on and on."

ALL: We noticed!

> "Typhus!" Jason called out his face showing real joy.
> "In the flesh. Or should I say skull?" A floating flaming skull
> appeared in front of the three.

TOM: Oh, so he's in the skull? Must be cramped.

> "By the gods it's good to see you three."
> The scouts including Darien had been suffering sensory overload.
> They did not need to see a floating flaming skull. The girls
> promptly passed out

TOM: A ha ha ha. Women and their insufficient blood flow to the
brain.
CROW: Mike, do I need to point out that every episode the senshi fight
monsters that are usually much weirder than a floating skull?
MIKE: No.

> while Darien put his head in his hands and mumbled
> something about a bad dream.
> "Um, I think that's enough surprises for one day. Why don't we all
> get some sleep and discuss this in the morning?" Jan asked while
> looking at the recovering girls.
> "Good idea Jan." Jason added while stifling a yawn.

TOM: Good god, the main character's more bored than we are!

> "One last question. Where are those gems?" Amy asked a bit
> puzzled.
> "Oh they've changed into tattoos. Their right over our hearts so we
> can't lose them." Bryce answered her. "Like Jan said why don't we
> all get some sleep?"
> Ray and the other noticed it was growing dark outside.
> "OHH grandpas going to worry. Gotta go."
> "Moms gonna be worried I have to book." Serena and Ray got up and
> left.

MIKE: My god, this is incredible storytelling.

> "We'd better get going too." Mina and Lita got up and left.

TOM: I'm on the edge of my seat! Who will leave the room next?!

> Only
> Amy, Darien, Jan, Bryce, and Jason were left. "Well I have to go
> study. I'll see you three tomorrow." Amy, Jan, and Bryce got up to
> leave.

TOM: Arrgh!
CROW: It's like he's holding up a sign that says "Please hate my
story"!

> "You coming Jason?"
> "I have some things I need to take care of. I'll meet you back at
> the temple."
> "Night."

MIKE: This scene was sponsored by a grant from the Verbosity Council.
Remember: Never state concisely what you can drag out for almost a
whole page.
TOM: Verbosity! It's what's for dinner.

> When the others left the apartment Jason turned to Darien.
> "Darien we have to talk." Jason began, as he got up.

CROW: Is he breaking up with him?

> "I didn't want to bring it up in front of the others but you need to
> know."
> "Know what?"

TOM: (Jason) You smell like cheese.

> "There's a fourth member of the Warlords. He's a magi named IO. I
> don't know what happened to him in the final mission. I'm worried
> that he may have joined the other side. If that is so he must be
> killed."
> "Why are you telling me this?"
> "Because if the time comes, you must be the one to kill him."
> "WHAT!?!"

MIKE: (Darien) The Rangers beat the Islanders?! I can't believe it!
Um, I'm sorry, were you saying something?

> "Part of his powers renders him immune to our powers. Only your
> roses have a chance of harming him."

ALL: (Fall out of their chairs laughing)

> "I see. So you want me to kill him if he turns out to be bad?"
> "Yes. The same thing would happen to us if we turned. Only thing
> is our executor would be Sailor Pluto."

TOM: Yeah, but since she's female, they'd just show her something
marginally scary and she'd pass out.

> "Wow, you guys sure take it
> calmly."
> "The others don't know. The only reason I know is because Pluto is
> my half-sister. She told me that if it comes down to that, she
> would not hesitate."

MIKE: Jason, there are a LOT of people who wouldn't hesitate to kill
you.

> Jason left. Darien stayed awake a long time thinking about what
> Jason had said.
> 'Do I have what it takes to kill a person?' he wondered.

CROW: Seeing as how your primary weapon is roses, I don't think it
matters.

<Commercial eyecatch>

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