[MiSTing] Arrogance of Slumber (part 3)
Cressida
> each other.
>
> They made up their minds
TOM and CROW: [as Scully and Mulder] Suicide pact!
>
> <Why didn't they fumigate my apartment earlier?>
>
> And they started packing
MIKE: They did? Where are they going now?
CROW: I think it's another song.
MIKE: Ter-*riffic!* [He slumps down in his seat.]
> They left before the sun came up that day
> An exit to eternal summer slacking
TOM: Now *here's* a song that speaks to every teenager.
> But where were they going Without ever knowing the way?
CROW: [as girl] Especially since *he* won't ever ask for directions!
MIKE: Are you sure it's a boy-girl pair?
CROW: No. And do I care?
>
> <I hope to God this isn't Eddie Van Blundht> Scully thought.
TOM: Yeah! Me too! Who the heck is he?
CROW: It's worse than Eddie Van Blundht--it's Eddie Van Halen!
>
> They drank up the wine
MIKE: And hoped that Jesus would return so He could perform another water-
into-wine miracle.
> And they got to talking
> They now had more important things to say
CROW: Like "Babe, we're out of drinks."
TOM: Duuude.
> And when the car broke down They started walking
> Where were they going without ever knowing the way?
MIKE: Just about any sci-fi or fantasy world, really.
>
> <I know the way, Scully. Will you follow me?>
TOM: Follow the leader?!
CROW: It's official. They've regressed into two-year-olds.
>
> Anyone could see The road that they walk on is paved in gold
MIKE: Are you sure that's gold and not good intentions?
> And It's always summer, they'll never get cold
> They'll Never get hungry
TOM: Not with a shake for breakfast and another for lunch.
> They'll never get old and gray
>
> Mulder and Scully locked eyes again. They were both smiling.
>
> You can see their shadows
CROW: Oh, no! This is going to be one of those "Cave of Plato" things,
isn't it?
> Wandering off somewhere
> They won't make it home
> But they really don't care
> They wanted the highway
CROW: They wouldn't get on well with Patrick Swayze, then.
> They're happy there today , today
TOM: [as Neil Diamond] Today!
> The children woke up
> And they couldn't find 'em
MIKE: It's 7 a.m. Do you know where your Alzheimer-suffering parents are?
TOM: Whoa! Now *that's* going too far!
MIKE: Sorry, guys. A triple-song pad is just too flippin' much.
> They Left before the sun came up that day
> They just drove off
CROW: Left-turn blinker on the whole time ...
> And left it all behind 'em
> But Where were they going
TOM: [as little kid] Can I come too? Huh? Huh?
> Without ever knowing the way?
> Anyone could see The road that they walk on is paved in gold
MIKE: Sheesh, no wonder highways cost so much.
> And It's always summer, they'll never get cold
CROW: Unless it's summer in Minnesota.
> They'll Never get hungry
> They'll never get old and gray
TOM: But they still ain't what they used to be.
> You can see their shadows Wandering off somewhere
MIKE: [in motherly voice] Be back by six!
> They Won't make it home
> But they really don't care
CROW: It's one of those garbage homes. They'd rather not go back anyway.
> They wanted the highway
> They're happy there today , today
TOM: [singing] TOOOO-DAAAAAY, the minutes seems like hours ...
[Mike holds his mouth shut.]
MIKE: We've had enough songs already.
>
> Again, by the last verse, Scully and Mulder were not able to
> sing the high notes.
MIKE: Could they ever? Neither of them strike me as sopranos.
>
> XXX
> **********1 Hour Later*******************
>
> A knocking came at the door of Scully's apartment.
TOM: As of someone gently rapping, rapping at her chamber door.
> Scully woke up with a start. She tried to stand up but
> couldn't. She then realized that she was
CROW: ... lying in a hospital bed with both legs in traction!
> being pressed into the
> side of the couch by Mulder.
> Moving his arm from around her neck,
MIKE: What, did he have an attack of narcolepsy before he could finish
strangling her?
> she jumped over him in a
> quick movement.
TOM: The quick brown Scully jumped over the lazy Fox Mulder.
> Draping her robe tighter against herself,
CROW: As opposed to clutching it loosely?
> she approached the
> door. "Who is it?"
TOM: [deep voice] It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink.
> "Steven," came the muffled reply.
> Scully crossed her eyebrows
MIKE: Wow, she's good! I can only cross my *eyes*!
> and opened the door. He was
> smiling. "Sorry to bother you but do you have some milk? My cat
> is bugging me and I dot feel like running down to the store."
CROW: So send Enzo instead.
> Scully smiled. "Sure," She went to her kitchen and took out a
> carton of milk.
TOM: [as Scully] The expiration date was two weeks ago? Ahh, it should be
all right.
> She walked back and handed it to him. "Take it, I have 2 for
> some odd reason."
MIKE: They're breeding!
> Steven smiled. "Thanks."
>
> Scully went back to Mulder and kissed him on the forehead before
> retreating to her bedroom.
CROW: Ahh, she's part French.
>
> XXX
> *****************The Next Morning***********************
TOM: They realized it was all a horrible dream? *Please?*
>
> Scully and Mulder were working on expense reports when the
> door knocked in the front of their office.
MIKE: So the *door* wants to come in?
TOM: Well, it's too shy. It really ought to open up to people more.
> Scully looked up as
> Assistant Director Skinner entered the office. Scully almost
> burst out laughing as Mulder looked up and almost had a coronary
> infront of their superior.
TOM: Such compassion for physical ailments, DOCTOR Scully.
> "Morning, *Agent* Mulder."
> Mulder stammered.
MIKE: He's been taking lessons from Hugh Grant.
> "Um, Hi, Skinner. Hehe, nice day?"
> Scully was about to crack up
CROW: She should use more moisturizer.
> so she walked to the back of the
> office where Skinner couldn't see her face.
> "Agent Mulder, I need to ask you a question."
> "Sure sir."
TOM: [as Skinner] Why is a raven like a writing desk?
MIKE: [as Skinner] What's the capital of South Dakota?
CROW: [as Skinner] Does the square of the hypoteneuse *always* equal the
sum of the squares of the other two sides?
> "Did you call me late last night?"
CROW: [as Mulder] No, I called you "Sir."
> "Uh........yes sir."
MIKE: Sheesh, Shirley Temple has more guile than Mulder!
> "That was you. Ok. Well, Mr. Mulder, I am very touched by
> your..openess.....on the subject of you affection..."
TOM: You're off a letter. Try 'affectation.'
> Mulder could hear Scully laughing. <She is SO dead!>
MIKE: If wishes were horses...
CROW: We could watch them be crushed by a stampede.
> "..and I think that if everyone was as...as...um...as open as
> you were we would be all be just a little bit happier."
TOM: If he breaks into 'I'd like to teach the world to sing,' I *am* going
to go psycho.
MIKE: Believe me, we *all* will.
> Both Skinner and Mulder could hear Scully's little snorts.
CROW: That's not Scully--it's Napoleon!
TOM: 'X-Files' meets 'Animal Farm?' I'd pay good money to see that.
> "I feel the same way sir."
CROW: [as Mulder] With my nerve endings.
> Scully escaped a chuckle.
MIKE: 'Attack of the Killer Chuckles!' Aaah!
> She stuck her head into an open
> filing cabinet drawer.
CROW: [Scully, muffled] Hey, guys! Watch me do my Sylvia Plath imitation!
> "Good day then Agent Mulder." He left a manila envelope on
> his desk . He turned to leave . He opened the door and left. He
> stuck his head back in.
CROW: Just his head. He got Mulder confused with Ichabod Crane.
> "Oh, and Mulder?"
> Mulder looked up.
> "Id
MIKE: The Wizard of Id?
> use a more subtle shade of red." He closed the door very
> quickly.
> Mulder had succeeded in opening the envelope.
TOM: Hand-eye coordination is not his strong suit.
> He gasped.
CROW: [as Mulder] I didn't know Glamour Shots *allowed* that sort of
thing!
>
> "SCCCUUUULLLLEEEEE!!!"""
TOM: STELLLLLLAAAAA!
MIKE: Mendoza!
TOM: Chief!
CROW: McCloud!
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> The End!
ALL: Thank God!
> Life is a question and live with da fact that your wrong almost
> all of the time - meg
TOM: Including that sentence.
>
> You look better in black, Mulder
> ...........................................................Scully
CROW: But not as good as Will Smith.
MIKE: Or Tommy Lee Jones, for that matter.
>
> If love was an arrow, it would be laced in poison
> ............................................Meg >>
>
> "led me not into temptation, I can find my own way"
> -------------------------Lexie (Jaidiaa)
TOM: Boy, those two ought to write greeting cards.
MIKE: [picking up Tom] C'mon, let's get *out* of here.
[Door sequence]
[SOL. Gypsy is standing behind the telephone. Tom, Mike, and Crow are
ranged on either side of her.]
GYPSY: [dubiously] I don't know ... you say it's really fun?
TOM: Oh, yeah! Definitely!
CROW: We've all done it, Gyps. Now it's your turn.
GYPSY: Wellll ... okay, I'll do it!
MIKE: Do you know what you're going to say?
GYPSY: Yes!
MIKE: Good girl! I'll just dial Bobo.
[He hits a number on the speed dialer. The scene changes to ...]
[Castle Forrester. Bobo is standing on a stepladder in the Great Hall,
taking down the last of the crepe paper festoons. The phone rings. He
climbs down, runs over and answers it.]
BOBO: Castle Forrester, Bobo speaking.
[SOL]
GYPSY: [not disguising her voice at all] Hi! Do you have Prince Albert
in a can?
[Mike and the 'bots roll their eyes, figuring not even Bobo will fall for
a joke that old.]
[Castle Forrester]
BOBO: Why--why yes, we do!
[SOL]
GYPSY: Well, you should go and let him out, then!
[Castle Forrester]
BOBO: You're right, I should! Just a moment.
[He lays down the phone, picks up a crowbar, and heads upstage to where a
huge can has been sitting, unnoticed, all this time. Bobo pries the lid
off with the crowbar. Out climbs a bewildered-looking gentleman in 19th-
century clothing, played by Patrick Brantseg in a special double role.]
BOBO: [brushing down Prince Albert's coat as he speaks] I'm terribly
sorry, Your Highness. I completely forgot you'd been in there so
long ...
PRINCE: [dazed] No no, that's quite all right ...
[He wanders off vaguely. Bobo returns to the phone.]
BOBO: Hello? Yes, I've let him out. Thank you so much for the reminder.
[SOL]
GYPSY: Don't mention it! Bye!
[Mike, with his mouth open, hits the disconnect button. There's a short
pause, then Mike shakes his head as if to clear it.]
MIKE: Well, how about that wiffleball game now?
TOM and CROW: Yeah!
GYPSY: Can I play too?
MIKE: Sure, Gypsy! We can always use a good shortstop!
[He gathers up the wiffleball equipment and they all dash off. The
credits begin to roll.]
PEARL: [V.O.] All right, who let Prince Albert out?
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Juliet's notes: If anybody knows how I can get in touch with Megan and
Lexie, please send let me know (jayo...@prairienet.org). Unfortunately,
their old AOL addresses don't work any more. They were really good sports
when they agreed to let me MiST their fic, and I'd like to let them know
that it's finally finished.