MSTed(group) Premier Maquis (new 3/6)
Loren Haarsma
=========================== part 3/6 ===============================
[return from commercials]
>>
>>
>> From: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
>> Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
>> Subject: DS9 Premier Maquis pt 4
Tom04: Whoa! It's spelled properly! What gives?
Crow11: [robotic monotone] Does not compute! [Crow11's head spins
madly] Marqui ... Maqui* ... Maquis.... [high pitched monotone]
Faulty... must analyze ... AN...AL...YZZZZZE.... [Crow11's head
explodes most impressively.]
>> Date: 24 Sep 1996 14:01:43 GMT
>> Organization: Radford University
>> Lines: 66
>> Message-ID: <528pk7$2...@newslink.runet.edu>
>> NNTP-Posting-Host: rucs2-gw.runet.edu
>> X-Newsreader: TIN [UNIX 1.3 950824BETA PL0]
>>
>>
>>
>> Chapter Three
Tom07: "Premier Marqui Must Die!" Heh, heh.
>>
>> The Maquis did not expect any resistance from the Roanoke,
Crow06: She had a reputation for sleeping with *anyone* after three drinks.
>> after
>> all they had a drug that caused instant loss of consciousness in the
>> adults they had tested it on.
Tom06: ...and delayed loss of life in the kids they tested it on?
Mike06: We wish.
Crow09: Y'know, since this is Marrissa's universe and they're just living
in it, you'd think they'd try to find something that could
incapacitate everyone --- INCLUDING THE MINORS!!!
Tom13: Guys, is there *any* known substance that will take down a person
in their prime but won't affect *children*?
Crow13: Ratliff stories?
Tom13: Granted, but I don't think that's what he had in mind.
>> However almost as soon as they arrived
>> the bulkheads went down, trapping them on the Bridge and Engineering.
Mike10: And what would an invasion force want from *those* places?
>> Kerstin and her Kid's crew had destroyed their ship.
Mike09: Off-screen, of course.
Mike13: Another gripping Ratliff action sequence.
Crow03: Hang on here, when did this happen?
Tom03: Must have been those "affairs of state" a while back.
Tom09: How'd they destroy a ship from a classroom?
Crow09: Easy --- they just treated it like a substitute teacher.
>> They couldn't
>> access the Computer.
Tom10: Have you tried talking at random to the open air? That usually
works on starships.
Crow14: [as computer] The Computer is your friend....
>> They did manage to sabotage the ship's engines by
>> manually removing key computer components, but that was all they could
>> do.
Mike08: Losers.
Mike10: They must have failed their Evil classes.
Tom05: Huh? Is it just me, or do you guys have no idea who destroyed
whose ship, and which people are ripping out computer components
at the moment?
>> Kerstin Szustakowski had their number,
Crow12: She'd looked it up in the Federation Yellow Pages.
>> and was about to call it.
Crow13: And order them 500 pizzas! Ha ha ha... I just love that prank.
All07: 42!
Mike06: What, the Maquis have a cell phone now?
Crow06: Number 267, your order is up.
Crow04: Number nine... number nine... number nine....
Tom09: [as announcer] Call a professional Maquis at 1-800-555-REBS and
get a FREE sample terrorist action.
Crow09: Don't be fooled by imitation Maquis!
Mike09: My Maquis told me that they were going to hijack a Federation
starship, and he was right! How did he know that? I'm convinced!
Mike10: [singing "Good 'n' Plenty" jingle again] She had an engine and she
sure had fun. She used Kerstin Szustakowski to make her train run.
Bots10: [background] Szustakowski Szustakowski Szustakowski Szustakowski.
>> As soon as reinforcements arrived that is.
Mike10: [as Kerstin] Oh, wait, we'll be vanquishing you in a minute...
hang on, wait, we're not quite organized yet.... Look, could
two of you just play dead for a while and then we can kill you?
>> Two dozen children versus two
>> scores of Maquis, that just wasn't odds that Kerstin liked.
Tom12: It was hardly fair for the Maquis.
Crow02: [falsetto] Those Maquis have no chance!
Mike10: She'd have to off about ten of the kids first.
Mike09: Haha, puny mortal! Marrissa could take them all single-handedly!
Tom14: Once the Maquis sent several thousand reinforcements, *then* the
odds would be more equal, and the challenge more worthy.
Tom13: In a Ratliff story, I'd bet 20-1 *against* the trained fighters.
Tom06: After all, if you want to be remembered as a martyr, you have to
go down in a blaze of glory against a *REALLY* overwhelming force.
Mike08: I see we're back to measuring in "score."
Mike04: Ratliff should have made it *four* scores of Maquis --- then he
could misappropriate even more words from American history.
Crow08: Four score and seven beers ago....
>>
>> "Someone has stolen Captain Seina's ship,"
Crow14: [in nursery rhyme meter] ...And he doesn't know where to find it.
>> Washington stated
>> before her assembled bridge crew.
Tom04: [as T'Gwen] And maliciously, wantonly changed the spelling of
his surname! Their evil knows no bounds!
>> "Excuse me Captain, did you say stole?" Lieutenant Ross Lockard
>> asked, shocked.
Mike12: [as T'Gwen] No, I said "stolen."
Mike13: [as T'Gwen] No, I said "stolen." Pay attention, please.
Crow06: [as Lockard] A stole... that's what this uniform needs.
Tom08: [as Lockard] Are you sure he remembers where he parked it?
>> "You don't steal a starship ...
Tom06: [as Lockard] That's against the Eighth Commandment!
>> we haven't had one
>> stolen since Kirk stole the Enterprise."
Tom02: Which, I guess... means you *can* steal a starship.
Tom13: And what a fine example to Starfleet *that* was.
Mike14: Another Trek reference dragged kicking and screaming into the
Ratliverse.
Crow07: [as Ratliff] Obligatory reference to Classic Trek: Taken care of.
Crow09: That's when they started putting those little electronic detector
tags on all Federation starships.
Tom09: They might try what Kirk did --- smuggling it out under their
toupees.
Mike08: Hmmmm.
Crow08: Go ahead and say it, fanboy.
Mike08: All I was gonna say was that I just don't remember that. Is
it something I should know about?
Tom08: Oh, c'mon, Mike. "Star Trek III"? Kirk can't get a ship to go
back to the Genesis planet?
Crow08: McCoy tries to relive the "Star Wars" Cantina scene...?
Tom08: Uhura kicks ass...?
Mike08: And you call ME a fanboy.
Tom10: Well, there was also the one with the Binars, when they stole
the Enterprise.
Crow10: And when Data stole the Enterprise to see Dr. Soong.
Mike10: And when Moriarty stole control to make the ship shudder
slightly....
Mike04: If there's any TNG episode that would get Ratliff off even better
than "Disaster," it would have to be "Rascals." Could it be he
hasn't even seen it?
Mike03: Ratliff can't even remember his own stories. Does the name "Time
Speeder" ring a bell?
Bots03: "TIME SPEEDER"?!?! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
[Tom03 and Crow03 explode, taking out Mike03 in the process.]
[Cambot briefly flashes the following message on the bottom of the screen: ]
[ Replicants destroyed: 12 ]
[ Replicants remaining: 33 ]
[ Fanfic status: 37% complete ]
>> "Captain Seina believes the Maquis commandeered his vessel,"
Mike06: [announcer voice] That's why Starfleet Command recommends that
you *always* use the Club!
Crow08: He doesn't really blame them; after all, that sort of thing *is*
their job ... and things HAVE been moving along *really slowly*.
>> Washington replied. "He also suspects his Doctor, who he left in
>> command, has something to do with it."
Crow13: Never trust anyone with a hypospray.
Mike09: It's all because of those darned HMO's.
Tom06: But actually it was Colonel Mustard in the library with a lead
pipe.
Tom10: [as T'Gwen] Of course, Captain Siena believes the Maquis are
responsible for the cancellation of "The Bonnie Hunt Show," and
suspects his Doctor has been putting fluorides in the water to
make everyone become a Democrat.
>> "Makes sense," Glinn Gusat responded.
Mike08: Two words from the previous sentence do NOT belong in a
Ratliff story.
>> "After all someone had to
>> arrange for the right people to come aboard."
Tom08: Julie, the cruise director?
Crow06: Yeah, there's just *no way* they could have forced their way onto
the ship by themselves and gassed the crew or something, right?
>> "The ship's Chief Medical Officer, even one with his commander's
>> pips doesn't have that much power," Doctor Johnson observed.
Tom06: Scotty, I've got to have more power!!!
Tom14: [as Johnson] I should know. I once tried it, you see, and...
um... heh.
>> "Someone
>> else must have been involved."
Mike08: Men in Black!
Mike10: Richard Jewell!
Crow13: John_-_Winston!
Tom13: Alexander Abian!
Mike13: Robert McElwaine!
All13: TORGO!
Tom13: ThE mAsTEr wOulD NoT iNvoLve hImSeLf iN a LamE FaNFiC.
>> "Agreed, Doctor," T'Gwen Washington responded. "But I'm afraid
>> we may never find out who.
Crow14: [as T'Gwen] ...At least not until the next plot device.
Mike06: [as T'Gwen] The Warren Commission sealed all the files.
>> Admiral Ellis has imposed a gag order.
Crpw07: [as T'Gwen] In fact, I --- mmrf!
Tom08: Well, that explains it. This whole story is a gag.
Mike10: Ellis must be the Starfleet Operations' Traitor-in-Chief.
Mike13: Shouldn't that be "Yllis," just to keep consistent with Ratliff
names?
>> We
>> may search for the Fearless, but no one is to speak of suspected
Crow08: ...continuity problems.
>> reasons
>> for her disappearance."
Crow10: [as T'Gwen] Therefore, I am going to be giving all my orders in
mime.
Crow05: [as T'Gwen] This investigation will be conducted strictly in
sign language. Ensign Keller will coordinate.
Mike06: Can *you* spot the co-conspirator in this paragraph? I knew you
could.
Tom06: What was your first clue, Mike? Starfleet Command suddenly
adopting the information dissemination methods of the Kremlin?
Crow06: *Never* talk about what goes on in this family to outsiders!
>> "Makes sense," Glinn Gusat commented.
All14: It does?!
Tom08: Gusat must be reading something else.
Mike02: You can just tell, if there was ever a Glinn Gusat doll, all it
would say is: "Makes sense."
Bots02: Makes sense.
>> "I'm glad it makes sense to you, Glinn," Marrissa replied. "It
>> makes very little for me."
Mike13: Funny, I was just about to say that about this story.
Tom06: For once, Marrissa speaks for the audience.
Mike06: [as Marrissa] Starfleet Crisis Management was never my best
subject. Could you tutor me, Glinn?
>>
>> Kerstin Szustakowski had just reached Admiral Ellis.
Mike10: That's the toughest level of "Doom."
Crow14: Long arms for a little girl.
>> Apparently
>> an urgent call from the Captain of a Kid's Crew was not urgent to the
>> Admiral.
Mike08: And this should get that Admiral killed.
Mike09: Just her luck, she got hold of the one person in Starfleet with
his priorities straight.
>> "What is it? I've got Personnel Review Forms to finish," the
>> Admiral snapped.
Tom08: Oh, yeah. He's doomed.
Tom13: [as Ellis] ...And I'm doing my nails!
Tom10: The Admiral leads a petty, futile, and empty life.
>> "I need immediate assistance," Kerstin stated. "I've got forty
Crow08: [as Kerstin] ...Pizzas here, and I didn't order any of them.
>> Maquis Officers on board occupying my bridge,
Mike10: They're demanding student votes on the University Board of
Governors! It's chaos!
>> all the adults are
Mike08: [as Kerstin] ...Adults --- and therefore useless!
>> unconscious and I just
Tom13: [as Kerstin] Wet myself.
>> have two dozen untrained children at my
>> disposal."
Mike12: [as Ellis] So what's your problem? You should be able to conquer
a planet with that.
Crow13: [as Ellis] So what? You're in a Ratliff story. You should have
annihilated the entire Romulan Empire by now.
>> "And you are?" Ellis said with contempt.
Mike04: Untrained also, yes.
Tom06: [as Ellis] And I should care about all of this because...?
Mike06: Starfleet Command obviously has more important things to worry
about than starships....
>> "Kerstin Szustakowski, Captain, Kid's Crew USS Roanoke," she
>> replied. "When can I expect assistance?"
Crow06: [as Ellis] Umm, let's see.... Is "When hell freezes over" a
good time?
Tom10: When you outgrow writing "She-Ra, Princess Of Power" fanfics,
dear.
>> "What assistance," Ellis sneered. "You aren't worth the
>> trouble. Ellis out."
Bots04: [make muted trumpet "Wah wah."]
Mike04: Typical Starfleet admiral.
Crow07: [as Joe Don] Buzz off, kid.
All02: YAY!
Crow02: My hero.
Crow06: [narrator voice] Watch as Admiral Ellis demonstrates the "hands
off" management technique.
Tom06: I applaud the sentiment, but still... that's a perfectly good
starship he's throwing away. No wait, he's helping the Maquis to
take it. Carry on, Admiral!
Tom09: Yeah, but now he's marked for elimination because he's defied the
will of someone in the Kids' Crew.
Mike09: Marrissa should add "Don of Dons" to her collection of titles.
Mike14: Well guys, think Ratliff's being too subtle here?
Crow14: Nope.
Tom14: Not a bit.
Crow12: Remember, children. "All authority figures are idiots."
>>
>> Kerstin wasn't happy with the latest development.
Crow06: [as Kerstin] I'll *never* go to *that* photo shop again!
Mike08: And the audience was a bit upset, too.
>> She'd done
>> just like the manual said.
Crow09: She even added the vanilla *after* the egg whites.
>> But the Bastard
Crow09: Kerstin!
Tom09: Stephen!
Tom07: Parental Advisory: Explicit Capitalization.
>> wouldn't help her as the
>> regulations required.
Tom08: Well, of course it wouldn't. It's just a John Jakes book.
Crow08: I'd rather be reading a John Jakes book right now.
Tom06: Aren't corrupt Starfleet admirals funny that way?
Tom10: Kerstin therefore went to the kitchen and made a gallon of hot
cocoa with mini-marshmallows.
>> Fortunately, Kerstin followed the advice of her
>> Kid's Crew supervising officer, always have a back up plan.
Mike10: [as Kerstin] I could call Mommy... oh, wait....
>> In fact she
>> was about to contact that very officer.
Mike08: Co-dependent that she was....
Tom12: Oh, just let me guess....
Crow13: Could that be, oh, hmmmm, MARRISSA?!?!
Mike13: Deus ex Marrissa.
Tom13: Predictability, thy name is Ratliff.
>>
>> --
>> Stephen Ratliff CS Major, Radford University.
>> srat...@runet.edu Marrissa Stories Author
>> homepage: http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
>> FAQ Maintainer for alt.startrek.creative FAQs/
>>
>> "Sticks and stones won't break my bones, so you could imagine how I
>> would feel about being called names."
>> - The Doctor, "Basics pt II" Star Trek Voyager.
Crow04: What if the name was "Ratliff"?
Tom09: Doesn't the doctor have a name *yet*?!?
Mike09: When you're the best-defined and most likable character on the
show, you don't *need* a name.
Tom09: When you're the best-defined and most likable character on the
show, and you're a *hologram*, you need a new agent.
>>
>>
>> From: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
>> Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
>> Subject: DS9 Premier Maquis part 5 - New
>> Date: 1 Oct 1996 14:21:41 GMT
>> Organization: Radford University
>> Lines: 85
>> Message-ID: <52r9dl$r...@newslink.runet.edu>
>> NNTP-Posting-Host: rucs2-gw.runet.edu
>> X-Newsreader: TIN [UNIX 1.3 950824BETA PL0]
>>
>>
>> Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Mike13: [holding an envelope to his head] The first three signs of the
apocalypse....
>> The Marrissa Stories
>> Premier Maquis*
>> by Stephen Ratliff (srat...@runet.edu)
>>
>> *other parts had Marqui, due to my spell checker insisting that that was
>> the correct spelling.
Crow09: [as computer] "Marqui" izz sppelt kurriktaly. Du yoo whish tue
chekk tha rezt uv yore doccyumont (Yiz/Kno)?
>> Marqui is a noble rank. Maquis is a resistance
>> movement.
Mike05: Marquis Grissom is a center fielder.
Tom09: Marcos is a dictator.
Mike09: Mac IIe is obsolete.
Crow09: McKean is Lenny, not Squiggy.
Tom05: <sigh> Think he'll get it right by the end of the story, guys?
Crow05: Nah....
Tom07: So, he's going to stick to this spelling now?
Crow07: Don't count on it.
Mike08: Ratliff? Learning?
Crow08: Say it ain't so!
Tom08: He's finally worked up the courage to defy his computer. Way
to go, Stephen!
>>
>> Part 5
>> other parts available by request or on the web at:
>> http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/works/stories.html
Crow07: Or, for the same effect, why not jab a fork into your eye?
>>
>> Chapter Four
Tom12: Revenge of the Nerds.
Tom07: Your Sister is a Werewolf.
Mike08: I figured we'd be in Chapter XI by now.
>>
>> "Commander Picard, urgent communication for you from Kerstin
>> Szustakowski, USS Roanoke," Assist Glinn Duvek said from Operations.
Mike13: [as Duvek] Sz...Suz...Sooza... geez, you say *Cardassian* names
are weird!
Mike08: [as Marrissa] Probably trying to borrow money again.
Mike10: [as Duvek] It reads: "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!"
>> "I'll take it in the Observation Lounge," Marrissa Picard
>> replied,
Mike13: She has a fondness for stargazing while urgent messages come
her way.
>> then remembering that she had been left in command,
Tom13: Oh, yeah, like she'd forget something like *that*! That's like
saying "Rush Limbaugh, remembering that he hated Clinton...."
>> she
>> continued.
Crow12: [as Marrissa] Forget that. Let's go take over a planet.
Tom10: I hear Clinton was trying to read that sentence when he tore up
his knee.
>> "You have the Bridge Duvek."
Tom05: So who has the Whist Duvek and the Blackjack Duvek?
Crow13: Who's "Bridge Duvek"?
Mike13: I dunno, but he must not be important.
Tom13: How can you tell?
Mike13: He doesn't have a rank or title.
Crow10: [falsetto] I'll take the Living Room Duvek, and we can have the
Mercer boy sleep on the Rec Room Duvek downstairs, it's comfortable
enough.
>> She got up out of her station
>> above the stairs and walked around to and down the stairs.
Mike12: First she stepped on the first step with her right foot. Then she
stepped on the second step with her left foot....
Tom13: Why is it that Ratliff can describe in detail how someone gets from
point A to point B, but he can't describe an action scene?
>> Duvek
>> meanwhile took to the command chair
Mike06: ...Like a duck to water.
>> as Lieutenant Lavelle replaced him
>> at Ops.
Crow07: He's obsessed with people's positions.
Tom12: It's a Chinese Fire Drill.
Tom08: Well, as long as we're replacing people, Mike, can you watch my
spot for awhile.
Mike08: Sure, but I'll need Crow to cover me. How 'bout it.
Crow08: Well, all right. Just this once. If Tom will spell me over
here.
Tom08: Any time, old buddy. [Mike08 and Bots08 switch seats.]
>>
>> Minutes later Captain Washington entered the bridge. "Where is
>> Lieutenant Commander Picard?" she asked.
Tom06: [as computer] Lieutenant Commander Marrissa Picard is no longer
on board the Stargazer. Her last known location was inside Airlock
#6 with the outer door opening to vacuum.
Crow06: [as crewmember] She's forcing the fighter pilots to build a
monument in her honor in the fighter bay.
Mike09: [as T'Gwen] Did she leave?!? Are we free?!?!?
Mike14: [as Duvek] She muttered something about going AWOL and daring
anyone to stop her. Why do you ask?
Mike10: [as Duvek] We buried her behind the wall. Was that wrong?
Crow12: [as Duvek] Sorry, sir. We had to have her put to sleep.
>> "The Commander had a call from a Kerstin Szustakowski, acting
>> Captain USS Roanoke," Duvek said as he returned to his station.
Mike07: [as Duvek] She wanted to know if Marrissa likes some guy.
>> "Kerstin Szustakowski?" T'Gwen Washington mused. "Kid's crew in
>> command, again.
Mike06: I know.... *We've* gotten sick of it too.
Tom09: [as T'Gwen] Must be time for their monthly coup.
Tom10: [as T'Gwen] They're the most screwed up starship in the fleet.
Crow12: [as T'Gwen] Damn, we must be trapped in another Ratliff story!
Tom13: C'mon, you're a Vulcan. You should have figured the odds at
about 8,762,984 to 1 that the kids would be in control yet again.
>> Can't Captain Mary Szustakowski keep her children out of
>> the command chair?"
Mike14: Yeah!
Tom14: You said it!
Mike13: Yes, but this author guy keeps overriding her.
Mike09: [as T'Gwen] They get grape jelly stains all over it and
everything, ick!
>> "Careful Captain," Katherine Lockard said from the helm.
Crow06: [as Lockard] After all ... you remember what happened to the
*last* captain who made a remark like that....
>> "I'm
>> one of those children."
Crow14: [nerdy voice] I'll hurt you!
Crow08: [as Mel Brooks] Don't correct the Captain, you twit!
>> "No offense intended, Lieutenant," the Captain apologized.
Crow12: She must be talking about the Raiders.
Tom06: [as T'Gwen] Don't hurt me... I'll be good, I swear!
Tom02: [as T'Gwen] Although why I'm apologizing, since I'm the Captain,
talking mostly to myself, and being eavesdropped on by a mere
Lieutenant, I don't know.
Crow10: You can tell Washington is half-Vulcan because her humor has that
undercurrent of razor-sharp analysis.
>> "None taken, Captain," Kathy replied. "I know Mom has spent a
>> lot of time out of the chair in the past couple years,
Tom10: Uh, this is all fascinating, but don't they have a plot to
get to?
>> most of the time
>> with one of my little sisters taking her place.
Tom09: So Starfleet is a matriarchy, then?
Mike09: Yeah, pretty much.
>> It seems some Star
>> Fleet Admirals have found a little trick that allows him to send a
>> Captain Szustakowski even when Mom gets herself injured."
Tom07: Jim Henson's Szustakowski Babies.
Tom12: [as Katherine] Mom is such a klutz!
Mike10: [as Katherine] So far she's been injured 27 times this year.
We think it's some kind of plea for help.
Crow14: Mike, why are all Starfleet admirals dumber than bricks?
Tom13: And we wonder why overpopulation is such a problem. Sheesh...
these people have so many children that *rabbits* start saying
"Can't you guys just take cold showers?"
>> "I wish I hadn't told Admiral Okie of that little trick,"
>> Marrissa Picard said, emerging from the stairs.
Mike12: She came out of the stairs? What is this, the Munsters?
Tom09: Marrissa Amber Flores Picard IS "The Starfleeter Under the
Stairs."
>> "At the time it seemed
>> like the only way to stop that war in the Naklab system though."
Tom06: [as Marrissa] ...And another way to put *ME* in charge, do you
hear?! ME, ME, *ME*!!! Ah hahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Mike07: Whoops! Backwards masking.
Tom13: Naklab --- home of Tnouc Alucard.
Crow13: In what is present-day Ainamor.
Mike13: How do you guys pronounce all that stuff?
Crow13: We're robots, remember?
Tom08: More Ratliff Junior Jumble, everyone!
Mike08 and Crow08: [ragged cheering]
>> "Hey, my sisters aren't objecting," Katherine responded.
Crow12: That's what I heard.
Mike12: Crow!
Crow12: What?
Mike12: These are children!
Crow12: Oh, right, I forgot. Sorry.
>> "After
>> all, Hope has a treaty and Kerstin has two to her names."
Tom12: One for each.
Tom02: How many names does she have?
Tom07: How many names does she have?
Crow13: She has two names?
Mike13: Yeah --- "Yo!" and "Hey, Stupid!"
Crow08: So in the 24th century, you're basically born with a resume.
Mike06: Oh great, two little girls who graduated from the Marrissa School
of Diplomacy. What do they do, dangle delegates from both sides
over a vat of acid and lower them slowly until they agree to a
compromise?
Tom06: Diplomacy has apparently become a game for children 8 and up....
Mike09: I keep wondering, when was the last time anyone over 16 did anything
noteworthy in Stephen's universe?
Mike14: [as Marrissa] It's a good start, but I had *five* treaties when I
was their age. They'll *always* be inferior to me.
>> "Yeah but diplomacy makes dealing with Maquis taking over your
>> ship positively look easy," Picard replied.
Crow10: Yeah, with diplomacy all you have to do is shoot at people until
they declare peace. Now with the Maquis, you have to... uh....
>> "Until you get them
>> confined that is.
Mike06: [as Marrissa] Once you get them trapped, it's a *lot* more
difficult. Until then, it's easy!
Mike05: And Stephen Ratliff once again demonstrates that his grasp of
international diplomacy is equal to his command of the English
language....
Tom05: Do you get the feeling that Ratliff has written to Boris
Yeltsin and Bill Clinton advocating the "Ratliff Diplomatic
Method" as the solution to all the world's problems? "Just lock
them in a room and beat them up. Problem solved!"
>> Now poor Kerstin is having trouble getting help.
Mike13: [as Marrissa] We *told* her not to install Windows 95.
>> Admiral Ellis just refused to send any."
>> "He did?" Washington stated.
Crow06: [as T'Gwen] Well, he must have a good reason for it. We don't
want to second-guess the admiral, now, do we?
>> "That was not logical.
Tom06: [as T'Gwen] The logical thing to do would be to send assistance
right away ... to the Maquis!
Tom02: It's logical having an eleven-year-old kid in command?!
Tom10: Oh, logic was left behind a long, long time ago, friend.
>> CONN set a
>> course to the Roanoke, warp seven.
Crow13: Disobeying orders is *much* more logical.
Crow10: Is it trite to say we don't know where the Roanoke is?
Tom12: [as Kahn] From Hell's heart I set your course....
>> Picard, have your fighters standing
>> by. If that young Captain of yours has managed to curtail the
>> activities of some Maquis, they logically would have called for help."
Crow06: [as T'Gwen] So we're going to help them!
Mike10: Yeah, but that would have involved sending out a distress signal,
when Starfleet policy clearly requires them to contact Admiral
Ennui back there....
Tom13: The way T'Gwen states the obvious, you sure she's not half-Vulcan,
half-*Betazoid*?
>> "Kathy, you won't mind if I borrow your wing?" Marrissa asked.
Tom14: Kathy has wings?
Crow13: [as Kathy] No problem --- I've got two.
Crow05: [as Kathy] What? But how did you know I'm Hawkgirl? It was
supposed to be a secret!
Crow09: [as Kathy] Which one? I'll have to fly in circles for a ---
Tom09: [as Marrissa] I said, YOU WON'T MIND IF I BORROW YOUR WING!!
Crow09: [as Kathy] No, ma'am, please take it --- just spare me!!
>> "Kerstin suggested that you'd be ready to decode her messages."
>> "I'll be ready," Kathy replied.
Crow06: [as Kathy] I've got my Cap'n Crunch decoder ring right here, sir.
Crow07: Pig-latin isn't all that hard.
>> Marrissa nodded and tapped her communicator. "Attention all
>> Fighter Wings, red wing, blue wing,
Crow06: ... one wing, two wing: By Dr. Seuss.
>> to launch status. Green wing, black
>> wing, to ready status. All other wings standby for deployment orders."
Crow08: [announcer voice] Previously, on "Battlestar Galactica"....
>> Closing the channel she continued. "With your permission Captain, I'll
>> go down to the fighter bay now."
Tom08: [as T'Gwen] Yeah, go 'way, kid, ya bother me.
Mike06: [as T'Gwen] Is she gone? Good! Prepare to depressurize the
fighter bay on my mark.
Tom13: [singing] Sittin' on the dock of the bay....
>>
>> Ro Laren was not in good sprits.
Tom02: It's hard to find good sprits these days.
Mike09: She hadn't realized Starfleet still used sailing ships.
>> She had lead the Maquis on
Tom14: LED! LED! LED!!!
Mike14: Easy, Tom, easy.
Tom14: But it hurts so much.
>> board the Roanoke, after gassing its crew.
Mike13: Ah, that four-alarm chili does it every time.
Mike06: [as Ro] Whew! Maybe I shouldn't have had that burrito for lunch.
Crow06: The crew had been running on fumes, and there had been a sale on
Premium Unleaded that day....
Crow14: [singing] Jumpin' Ro Flash, it's a gas gas gas.
>> Ro knew of no way she could
>> have been blocked in her takeover of the starship.
Tom12: Unless, of course, there were twelve-year-olds on the ship.
>> She knew about the
Mike08: Total lack of coherency in the Ratliff continuum.
>> fact that the gas was ineffective on children.
Tom06: And that most of the adults in a Ratliff story are just plain
ineffective....
Tom13: ...But she foolishly discounted that fact, not knowing she had
entered... [dramatic music] The Ratliff Zone!
>> Could it be that the
>> children had command of the ship?
Crow13: Perish the thought!
>> No, she dismissed the thought.
Tom14: [sobbing] But... but... she was *in* the episode "Rascals" where
this exact same thing happened! How could Ratliff miss that?
Mike14: [hugs Tom14] There, there. We're nearly to the middle.
Crow14: Are we losing Servo?
Mike14: I'm afraid so.
>> No
>> Captain would allow the children to have command level access.
Tom02: No way could Starfleet be *that* stupid.
Crow08: Finally, a voice of reason amid the chaos.
Mike12: Ro obviously doesn't know who is writing this story.
Tom09: She must've missed all those studies from Radford U that say
otherwise.
Crow09: Ro's problem is that she's trying to live in the real world.
Tom10: Is this irony, or a moment of lucidity?
Crow14: Mike, listening to Ratliff critique the Kids Crew thesis like
this ... it's starting to break me, too.
Mike14: [now puts his arms around both Tom14 and Crow14]
>> And who
>> ever was fighting her off had to have that. Even with that Kid's Crew
>> regulation they passed just before she left Star Fleet.
Tom08: Which, no doubt, was a prime reason for her departure.
Crow06: [as Ro] I have to take orders from *who*?! *Those* spoiled,
snot-nosed little punks?!! I QUIT!!!
Tom10: Okay, they know the gas doesn't work on children, they know
they're encountering resistance, and they know Starfleet toyed
with the idea of giving kids command level access. So, not only
is Starfleet profoundly stupid, the entire Galaxy is.
Mike13: Duh... just another clueless adult.
Tom13: Isn't that the regulation that has the rider that all Starfleet
officers must get a lobotomy when they hit the age of 18?
>> The Roanoke had destroyed her ship, and all who remained aboard.
Crow13: I see Kerstin is trying to outdo Marrissa's killing record.
>> At least that wouldn't happen to any one else.
Tom06: Seeing as how the ship was destroyed, it *would* be kinda hard to
destroy anyone else aboard it.
>> Ro had ordered phaser
>> power conduits disconnected.
Crow10: So, they don't have control of the ship, just the bridge,
engineering, and weapons control? Apparently it's Monopoly and
they need "Ship's Laundry" to complete the color block.
>> It was now time to call for back up.
Mike06: [as Ro] Okay, throw 'er into reverse!
Tom06: [as truck backing up] Beep Beep Beep Beep....
>> "Maquis Croatan to Marqui Defiance, help requested,"
Crow06: Hey Ratliff... don't look now, but your spellchecker's *still*
making you look bad.
Mike06: At least he can't blame the spellchecker for the plot.
>> Ro said over her
>> portable communications equipment. "I've been locked out."
Mike04: Just then, Ro remembers the key under the doormat.
Crow08: [as Ro] I keep forgetting the *keys* when I park the ship.
Crow12: [as Ro] Could you call the Super and get him to bring the spare
key?
Crow09: Look under the doormat by the bridge, there's a spare key.
Crow06: [as Defiance] Did you try looking under the welcome mat? Maybe
you can climb through a window or something....
>>
>> --
>> Stephen Ratliff CS Major, Radford University.
>> srat...@runet.edu Marrissa Stories Author
Mike08: Y'know, guys, NOTHING ever dulls the pain of those few
words....
>> homepage: http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
>> FAQ Maintainer for alt.startrek.creative FAQs/
>>
>> "Sticks and stones won't break my bones, so you could imagine how I
>> would feel about being called names."
>> - The Doctor, "Basics pt II" Star Trek Voyager.
Tom06: [as Doctor] I'd feel horrible! [sniffle] Just because I have
no real physical form, do you bastards think that means I have
no real feelings either? [bursts into tears]
>>
>>
>> From: srat...@runet.edu (Stephen Ratliff)
>> Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
>> Subject: New DS9 Premier Maquis part 6
Crow12: So we were on DS9 for one chapter and it's a DS9 story?
>> Date: 8 Oct 1996 14:15:05 GMT
>> Organization: Radford University
>> Lines: 100
>> Message-ID: <53dnl9$o...@newslink.runet.edu>
>> NNTP-Posting-Host: rucs2-gw.runet.edu
>> X-Newsreader: TIN [UNIX 1.3 950824BETA PL0]
>>
>>
>> Premier Maqui
Tom08: R's, S's, and pretty much all other characters optional. Add
to taste.
>> by Stephen Ratliff
>> A Marrissa Story
>> Stargazer Mission, DS9
>> part 6
>>
>> Chapter Five
Tom07: Marrissa's Big Score
Tom12: The Jewel of the Nile.
>>
>> In classroom two
Mike07: ...twenty-two, with Pete Dixon.
>> on board the Roanoke, the panic had just begun
>> again.
Crow12: Geography pop quiz.
Crow09: [as Kerstin] Whaddaya mean nobody brought crib sheets for
chemistry?!?
Tom13: All the Power Ranger tapes were destroyed during the invasion.
Mike06: It was worse than that classroom scene in "Pink Floyd, The Wall".
Tom06: [as announcer] Tonight, on a very special episode of "Dangerous
Minds"....
>> The temporary command center was experiencing another crisis.
Crow06: ...on Infinite Earths?
Mike08: POP QUIIIIIIIZ!
Crow08: Flashback, Mike?
>> "Multiple contacts coming out of warp," the boy taking care of sensors
>> announced.
Crow08: Be sure to feed those sensors twice a day and take them out
for frequent walks.
Mike06: [as sensor boy] Wait, this can't be right. How did all those
soft lenses get out there?!
Crow10: So, like, are they using SCIS kits to make their Very Own
Starship Bridge or something?
>> "A dozen Maquis raiders and one Intrepid class Starship, in
>> formation."
Mike12: It's the short version of the Twelve Federation Days of Christmas.
Mike10: And color coordinated! They are up against a *powerful*
organization.
Crow13: [as announcer] I give them a 9.2 in style, but only an 8.4 in
performance. Raider #3 was a bit late in his timing.
Tom06: [as Number Two] In formation! IN FORMATION!!!
>> "Tactical, weapons status?" Kerstin asked.
Tom12: [as young girl] The laser thingies don't work.
>> "No power to phasers," a girl replied. "Torpedo launching
>> systems jammed."
Mike08: ...And peanut buttered.
Mike09: [as Homer] Mmmmmm --- torpedo jam!
Mike06: [as Dark Helmet] Only ONE man would DARE to jam my torpedoes
like this ... LONE STAR!!!
>> "And no way to run either," Kerstin responded.
Tom06: Yeah, it is kinda hard to run through a vacuum....
>> "ETA on the
>> Stargazer."
>> "Three minutes," a boy replied.
>> "Three minutes, we can do that," Kerstin smiled.
Mike06: [as Kerstin] That's enough time for a quickie....
Crow08: Oh, no. She's smiling. The Kid's Crew is about to do
something *really* stupid.
Tom08: So what if they were frowning, then?
Crow08: They'd be about to do something *really* stupid.
Tom08: Oh. Thanks for clearing that up.
Mike13: "Three minutes? They could be miles off course!"
Crow13: "That's impossible! They're on instruments!"
Tom13: Wow! Crow did a Lloyd Bridges impersonation that didn't include
lungs aching for air!
Crow13: I thought I'd diversify.
>> "Tell me,
>> Ashaya, is the loading system still OK for the torpedoes?"
Mike10: They want to fire on the Stargazer?
Crow10: Yeah! Go for it! End this story!
>> "Yes, Kerstin," the tactical officer responded. "But what good
>> is that going to do?"
Tom10: With this narrative, just about anything....
Mike08: [as Kerstin] It'll give someone a chance to sacrifice themselves
heroically in a desperate attempt to drum up sympathy.
>> "Transporters are still on line aren't they?" Kerstin asked. A
>> boy responded with a nod. "Then we'll transport them. I just love
>> Tactics Monthly."
Tom08: [as Kerstin] Especially the swimsuit issue!
Crow06: [as Kerstin] Especially the swimsuit issue!
Mike06: But she only reads it for the articles.
Crow10: Last issue's centerfold was a fleet of Canadian CF-105 Arrow
interceptor planes at the beach by Saint John....
Mike04: [Minnewegian voice] Oh, yah, they have the tastiest recipes for
small ordnance explosives...
Bots04: [same] Oh, ya....
Crow12: It's the Kid's Crew version of "Teen Beat."
Mike07: This month's issue has an interview with Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
Mike09: [as Kerstin] I really liked that article in the August issue:
"How to run an entire starship effectively from a simple classroom"!
Tom05: Don't these kids ever read Mad Magazine, or Highlights, or
Ranger Rick or something?
Crow14: That's it! I give up! I'm ending it now, and I'm taking you
with me. HEY SERVO! You see what Ratliff's done to Kerstin...?
Mike14: STOP...!
Crow14: Now there are *TWO* Marrissas!
[Tom14 shrieks, and after a suitable amount of fireworks, Tom14, Crow14,
and Mike14 are all, shall we say, less than fully functional.]
[Meanwhile, Tom02 and Crow02 get off their seats and beat their heads
against the floor, in time with "I hate this story. I hate this story."]
[Cambot flashes the update on the bottom of the screen: ]
[ Replicants destroyed: 15 ]
[ Replicants remaining: 30 ]
[ Fanfic status: 45% complete ]
>>
>> Eddington smiled as his fleet approached the drifting Roanoke.
Mike12: He was remembering last night's "Seinfeld."
>> It was just waiting for his forces.
Crow13: [singing] I've been waiting ... for a ship like you....
Mike13: *Never* sing that again.
>> He wondered why Ro hadn't been able
>> to take over the ship.
Tom10: She was infected by a tragic case of stupidity.
Mike10: Or poor writing.
>> She was one of the Maquis' most experienced
Crow08: Mimes.
Tom08: NO!
Crow08: Yes!
>> operatives, that's why she had been assigned the task of taking the
>> Nebula class starship.
Tom12: They hadn't counted on the kindergarten class command crew.
Tom06: Let me see if I've got this straight. Ro Laren, *experienced
operative* and ex-Starfleet officer, has a team in place on the
Roanoke's bridge and in engineering. She makes sure that engines
and weapons are disabled, but leaves them with the ability to call
for help *and* to use the transporters to defend themselves in a
way described by a monthly periodical?! I DON'T *THINK* SO!
>> In any case, with the Maquis Defiance's support,
>> the Roanoke would soon be Maquis.
Tom10: It was being traded to the Maquis in exchange for Cecil Fielder
and two players to be named later, one of whom is already
promised to the Blue Jays to fulfill an earlier trade.
>> "Incoming hail from the Roanoke," his operations officer
>> announced.
Crow04: [as ops officer] Weather conditions worsening.
Mike08: [as ops officer] Incoming sleet from the Richmond.
Tom13: [as Eddington] Aw, man, that'll scratch the paint!
>> "On screen," Eddington responded, his Star Fleet training
>> evident.
Crow12: He's getting ready to send a bunch of characters without names
out to die.
Tom08: Yes, even the way he gave the most insignificant order fairly
shouted, "Look at me: I'm Starfleet!"
>> All that training went out the window when Kerstin appeared on
>> screen.
Tom06: That's when he couldn't stifle a laugh.
>> He muttered, "a child, a child."
Tom10: \
Tom12: - My kingdom for a child!
Tom13: /
Tom09: [singing] ...Shivering in the cold.
All09: [singing] We must bring him silver and gold....
Crow08: [as Eddington] THAT'S what I'm hungry for! I get these
late-night cravings....
>> "Yes a child," Kerstin replied. "Kerstin Szustakowski,
Crow12: ...or J. Michael Straczynski.
Tom10: [as Eddington] Oh, I was waiting for Justy Ueki Taylor.
>> Kid's
>> Crew Captain, presently in command of the USS Roanoke.
All06: ...and a good friend!
>> I suggest you
>> withdraw immediately."
Mike06: [as Ryan Landek] Withdraw or I'll kick your butt!
>> "Why?
Mike10: Well, it'd spare *us* a lot of pain.
Crow13: [as Kerstin] Because we have a foolish idea that could only
work in fiction.
>> Ro informs me that your ship is currently disabled,"
>> Eddington responded, dryly. "You couldn't hurt a flea."
Mike12: True, but you're in a starship.
Crow09: [as Kerstin] That's what you think! All hands, prepare to launch
the Hartz 2-in-1 collars!
Mike05: [as Kerstin] Oh, yeah? Well, we're absolute hell on paramecia,
bacteria and virii, so back off, sucker!
Crow06: What do the Red Hot Chili Peppers have to do with this?
Mike06: [as Eddington] And I'm *sure* there's just *no way* you could
have *possibly* called for reinforcements....
Mike13: Ah, the old bad-guy-bragging-just-before-he-gets-his-butt-kicked
scene.
Tom13: You think Ratliff has a program that writes these for him? You
know, he just supplies the names; the computer fills in the
cliched scenes for him?
>> "Well I may not be Marrissa Picard, but you'll find than no
>> Kid's Crew Captain has a bark worse than their bite, Mister," the young
>> girl replied.
Crow08: Because we KNOW they all bite.
Tom09: Good Lord, it's Shatner in drag!
Crow05: Yeah, and no Kid's Crew Captain saves a stitch in time before
nine!
Mike13: [as Eddington] That's MISTER Mister to you, young lady!
Mike06: [as Mr. Blonde] You gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are
you gonna bite?
All04: [barking] Yip yip yip yip yip!
Tom04: Did she just call herself a bitch?
[Tom02 and Crow02 repeat their head beating.]
Mike02: I share the feeling, guys, but I don't think that's good for
you....
>> "Roanoke out."
>>
>> In the classroom that was serving as the control center of the
>> Roanoke,
Crow12: The crew was still having trouble coloring inside the lines.
Mike10: The other students were demanding Kerstin give someone else a
chance to play "Masters Of Orion MMXCIII."
>> Kerstin turned toward her tactical officer and said,
Mike06: [as Kerstin] Go to the board and write one hundred times: "I will
never again question the divinity of Marrissa."
>> "Ashaya,
>> transport one torpedo directly in front of the lead Maquis raider.
Crow06: [as Kerstin] Then put one in front of the copper Maquis raider.
>> Set
>> it to explode on impact."
Tom06: ...on Sudden Impact.
Mike13: [as Kerstin] More death! More destruction! More MORE MORE!!!
Tom13: What else are you going to set it to? Explode at tea time??
Mike04: Did Ratliff get that idea from the Star Trek RPG?
>> On the classroom's view screen, a Maquis raider's nose was
>> obscured by the explosion.
Crow09: Space Hay Fever's bad this time of year.
Mike10: [as pilot] Huh... the engine light's on, but it sounds okay, I
guess there's no real problAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGH!
Mike13: [holding nose] Owww! My dose! You broke my dose!
>> When the blast cleared, half the ship was
>> gone. It drifted aimlessly toward the Roanoke.
Tom08: And this distinguished it from the rest of the story HOW?
Tom10: Maybe it's a metaphor for the entire story here.
Crow04: Ratliff's getting better at this battle stuff.
Mike04: He'd almost have to.
Mike06: [as narrator] Then it drifted aimlessly on to other towns,
picking up odd jobs wherever it could find them....
Crow13: [as sherriff] You look like a drifter to me, son.
>> "Dusty,"
Crow12: It is *now*.
>> Kerstin ordered a boy at the rear of the classroom.
Tom06: ...Who played for ZZ Top and had a beard that dangled down to his
waist.
>> "Look for known Maquis with the name Ro.
All10: [singing] Ro, Ro, Roanoke, Gently down the data stream....
>> I want to know about our
>> opponent."
Crow02: [as Dusty] Umm, Kerstin, I don't see anyone by that name in this
room.
Mike04: [as Dusty] Yes, ma'am --- reviewing "The Next Generation" seasons
four through seven....
Tom13: Ro Gain?
Crow13: Ro Dan?
Mike13: Ro Anoke?
Tom13: Ro To Rooter?
Crow13: Ro Ver?
Mike13: Ro Ro Ro Your Boat?
Mike08: Well, we've got a Saville Ro...
Tom08: A ro-ro-ro-your boat...
Crow08: Fraternity Ro...
Tom08: ROto Rooter...
Mike08: ROquelaire...
Crow08: ROtary engine...
Tom08: Stanley ROper...
Mike08: [as Dusty] Did I mention that all we have in the computer is the
AltaVista search engine?
Tom10: She's a good fastball pitcher, won 23 games last season and was
credited with two saves as well; her ERA against right-handed
hitters is 1.97 but against southpaws it's a miserable 8.83.
But she batted .271 last season, slugging percentage was only
.305 but still she's a force to contend with in the National
League this year.
>> "Kerstin, shields have gone up on all remaining vessels," a boy
>> announced.
Mike08: [as Kerstin] Lieutenant Boy! Status report. And Ensign Boy...
I need more power. Yeoman Boy... Is the dry cleaning done yet?
And where's Cheeta?
Tom08: Wow, Mike, you really went to town. Take a break. We've got it.
>> "They should have had them up before," Ashaya responded.
Crow13: Yeah, if they had had any *battle experience*, which I'm sure none
of these *terrorists* and *ex-Starfleet officers* would.
>> "Agreed," Kerstin replied.
Mike07: [as Kerstin] But, we needed SOME ludicrous plot point.
>> "Send another torpedo at that
>> half-destroyed ship,
Tom08: [as Kerstin] I think it twitched a little.
>> I don't want it drifting into us.
Mike09: [as Kerstin] And if there are survivors, tough! They're obviously
too stupid to live!
Crow09: [as Marrissa] I like her. She reminds me of me.
>> Also that raider
>> at seventy mark eight looks a little weak. Give him a torpedo in thirty
>> seconds."
Crow06: So, why are they waiting to torpedo him?
Tom06: It'll be more of a surprise later on, I guess....
Crow08: No rush. It's ONLY a life-and-death space battle.
Mike08: Well, it's a life-and-death RATLIFF space battle.
Crow08: True.
Tom13: [as raider] For me? Awww, you shouldn't have.
>> "Aye sir," Ashaya replied.
>> "Another vessel has arrived ...," a boy said. "... it's the
>> Stargazer."
All13: [dramatic music] Bump-ba-BUMMMM!
Tom08: [as Kerstin] Oh, she can't let me do ANYTHING on my own! <pout>
>>
>> On the bridge of the Stargazer, Captain T'Gwen Washington
>> surveyed the scene surrounding the Roanoke. A half destroyed hull blew
>> up as they watched.
Mike12: ...Becoming a fully destroyed hull.
Tom08: Strangely, they envied it.
>> The remaining ships were beginning to surround
>> the Roanoke, the Intrepid class ship
Crow13: You mean the Defiance?
Mike13: Let's not jump to conclusions.
>> being on the other side from
>> the Stargazer.
Mike08: Please tell me they're not going to try and resort to some
horrible technobabble and shoot around the Roanoke.
Crow08: No, this isn't a Brannon Braga story.
Tom08: Much worse... Look!
>> "Launch fighters," she ordered.
All08: NOOOOO!
Crow08: Great. Now we get to see more dime-store-novel heroics and
stolen Chris Claremont scenes.
Tom10: You don't suppose this is a Battlestar Galactica crossover story,
do you?
>> "Ops status of the Roanoke,
Tom06: [as bridge crew member] How should *I* know what the status
of the Roanoke's Ops station is?!
>> CONN plot a course to bring us along side the Intrepid Class vessel.
>> Tactical fire on raiders as your phasers come to bear."
Mike09: We'll make Al Davis sorry he ever moved that team.
Mike04: Sometimes the bear gets you, sometimes the phasers come to bear.
Mike07: Stephen Ratliff IS Tom Clancy.
>> "The Roanoke's warp and impluse engines
Tom13: Oh, he's so *implusive*.
Crow13: You don't look good, let me take your *pluse*.
Tom13: Look out! It's a *plusar*!
Mike13: All right, guys, enough spelling flames.
>> are offline," Duvek
>> responded. "No power to phasers. Transporter activity indicates that
>> they are using transporters to
Mike06: ...Play "red rover red rover."
>> launch torpedoes."
Crow07: Sure, he can tell that just by looking at some numbers on a
screen.
Tom08: Imagine what a DETAILED scan woulda picked up.
Mike08: [as Duvek] ...And Kersten's got a stray nose hair.
>> "Fascinating," Washington responded.
Crow04: [as T'Gwen] Did I mention that I'm half-Vulcan and half-Human?
Crow12: [as T'Gwen] They must have read "Tactics Monthly."
>> "Gusat,
All09: Gesundheit!
>> take the upper
>> warp pair. We are going to give who ever took the Fearless a chase.
Crow05: [as T'Gwen] I don't care if we catch them, but a chase scene
might help this fanfic along a little.
>> Duvek, take the bridge, I'll be in the lower warp pair. Once we split,
Tom13: [as T'Gwen] The house will be MINE. You can take the kids.
Mike08: NO. The Stargazer canNOT split. *I* refuse to allow it!
Tom08: Take a few deep breaths, Mike. But you have a point.
>> I want you to move to cover the top of the Roanoke.
Tom09: [as Duvek] Yes ma'am, ultra-cozy at the ready!
>> If you can,
>> transport security teams on board the Roanoke to clear out those Maquis.
Crow08: [as T'Gwen] If you can't, just blow it off. We'll pass it down
the next shift.
Mike06: And, of course, being near "the top" of the Roanoke is *crucial*
to accomplishing this somehow....
Mike13: [as T'Gwen] Heck, transport a few photon torpedoes while you're at
it. That looks like fun!
>> Warp pair separation in one minute mark."
Mike09: How did Janeway's boyfriend get here?
Crow06: [as bridge crew member] Thanks for the warning, but my name's
not Mark.
>> The Captain and First Officer left the bridge of the Stargazer,
>> and Duvek settled into the command chair.
Crow09: [as Archie Bunker] Hey, dingbat, bring me a beer, hah?
Crow12: ...Sitting on the whoopie cushion the Captain had left there.
Tom12: Yes, Marrissa's playful practical jokes had truly inspired
Captain T'Gwen.
>> "Rotate us 90 degrees onto
>> our port side. Set a course looping around the raiders terminating in
Crow10: ...Motion sickness.
>> front and facing the Fearless at separation."
Mike12: Someone please save us!
Tom13: Oh, the suspense! I can't take it!
>>
>> --
>> Stephen Ratliff CS Major, Radford University.
>> srat...@runet.edu Marrissa Stories Author
>> homepage: http://www.cs.runet.edu/~sratliff/
>> FAQ Maintainer for alt.startrek.creative FAQs/
>>
>> "Sticks and stones won't break my bones, so you could imagine how I
>> would feel about being called names."
>> - The Doctor, "Basics pt II" Star Trek Voyager.
[The text freezes on the screen. Replicants stay where they are.
Cambot backs up through the hallway.]
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[cut to commercials]